How to Deal Live

Surviving Your Workplace

Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for 10 years. She takes reader questions and answers a selection weekly in her weekly How to Deal column for washingtonpost.com.

She comes online twice a month to answer your questions about human resources issues, workplace laws or just everyday workplace survival.

If you've got a workplace question and would like it to be featured in an upcoming How to Deal column, e-mail Lily at hradvice@washingtonpost.com.

Find more career-related news and advice in our Jobs section.

Submit your questions and comments before or during the discussion.

The transcript follows.

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Lily Garcia: Thank you for joining today's conversation. I look forward to answering your career- and workplace-related questions. Let's get started.

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Wilmington, Del.: Hi Lily,

I thought maybe I would ask for advice before I flip out and say something I'll regret -- I can't stand one of my coworkers because he doesn't pull his own weight. He waltzes in the office around 11:00 or so (we start at 8:30) and is on the phone with friends a lot. This part didn't start to bother me until he was left in charge of a project I have been working on and has been giving me all the work that he was left to do. Yes, he is more senior than I am, but it infuriates me that he will drop off his dirty work with me while he spends the day at his leisure. (I seriously think all he did yesterday was print out a bunch of papers.) If I am going to do all his work, how can I make sure that I get credit for it?

Lily Garcia: If it is so obvious to you that he is slacking off, I find it hard to believe that it is not obvious to someone else. Yet, the fact that he is being given more responsibility may mean that his supervisor still has not wised up. Take a deep breath. Then approach your coworker's boss with your concerns as diplomatically as you can. Do not display anger, and do not take your coworker's shortcomings as an open invitation to do anything other than your very best work.

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Syracuse, N.Y.: I recently interviewed with an employer and they conducted their reference checks. Two of my three references have since called me to inform me that the employer then asked them each for another name and number of a reference at the job site. They both scoffed and told the employeer this is something that needed to be run by me first. I work in higher education, is this something that is regularly done in the business sector. All three of us found in unethical if not illegal. I have chaired several search committees and I would never think of pulling that. What gives?

Lily Garcia: It is not uncommon for employers in the private sector to "dig around" like this as part of their due diligence on a potential new hire. It is not illegal, although I can understand why you would take offense.

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Portsmouth, Ohio: Dear Ms. Garcia:

I was terminated from my job today. I am 57 years old and been in the mental retardation/developmental disabilities field for around 30 years.

How do I explain my termination to future employers? I may have to look outside the MR/DD field, as this termination probably will prevent me from getting a new job in the field. Thank You.

Lily Garcia: I am sorry to hear that. Without knowing the reason why you were fired, it is hard for me to fully answer your questions. If it is an offense that would essentially make you ineligible for other jobs in your field, then I will assume that it is someting serious. You could try to strike a bargain with your former employer whereby they agree to provide a neutral reference (dates worked, title) rather than discussing your job performance. This is not necessarily a red flag to future employers as many employers have adopted a policy of not providing substantive references for liability reasons. If your former employer will not consent to this arrangement, you need to come up with a way of explaining your departure that paints you in the most flattering light, all things considered. Even as you admit that your departure was not voluntary, you can speak of your job in terms of skills and experience acquired and lessons learned. Please refer to our archived "How to Deal" articles for advice on job searching when you have been fired.

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Takoma, D.C.: I think the poster is definitely overreacting about the employer asking their references for more references! Maybe it's because I'm a reporter and this is just how I think -- when you talk to one person about a topic, you ask them who else you should talk to -- but how does the employer know you didn't just refer them to the only two people you know who would be willing to speak well of you? Maybe other people, the ones whose information you didn't choose to give, would have a different viewpoint. I think it's very smart and thorough of the potential employer to keep digging.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your perspective.

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Guilt Ridden, USA: I'm submitting early since I can't make the chat and hope you'll be able to offer me some sage advice!

I hate my job and would like to quit... after 4 months. Before taking this job I probably thought I could stick anything out for at least a year, but now I know that's just not true. I don't have nearly enough work and am not a good fit with the office culture.

But, I work in a relatively small field and people tend to know each other and travel in similar circles.

Is there any way to tactfully leave? I am prepared to give a very generous notice and accept all the blame for the bad fit. I just am worried that 5, 10, 15 years down the road this will come back to haunt me. I feel really badly about leaving, but think I will go crazy if I stay...

Lily Garcia: It sounds like politics are an important consideration for you in deciding when to leave. These small, intimate employment fields tend to be highly ego-driven, so you should do what you can not to offend your employer as you depart. What I mean by that is that you should consider staying a bit longer, even if you are positive that it will not work out in the end. Seven-to-eight months more will put you past the one year mark and allow your employer to save face while allowing you to make a gracious exit.

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www.washingtonpost.com: Interviewing When You've Been Fired

Lily Garcia: Here is a link for the reader who was just fired.

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Asking references for more names: Maybe the hiring company has been burned before and they are now extra careful to screen extensively. You might not, but many people put outright lies on their resumes.

Lily Garcia: Sadly, this is true.

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RE: If it is so obvious to you that he is slacking off, I find it hard to believe that it is not obvious to someone else: I don't know, in my experience at least it isn't always the case that it's noticed by the people who need to notice. I've had to bring up a few issues about a co-worker to my supervisor and I let it go for awhile, thinking my supervisor certainly must already know about the issues. She only half-way knew in that she knew she herself had some issues with this co-worker. But she didn't know about my specific problem until I brought it to her attention. And she told me she wished I'd brought it up sooner&#33 Nobody likes to be a tattle, but if it's affecting your work you need to mention it to your boss.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your thoughts.

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Charlotte, N.C.: Hello,

I graduated with a science (Biology to be exact) degree seven years ago, but I have never been employed in that field. I do have a graduate degree, but it is business related. Is it true that my chances of trying to obtain employment in that field are very slim, being that I have no direct experience and that I have been out of school a long time?

Lily Garcia: I can guarantee you that you will be at a disadvantage in competing against candidates who have actually been applying their science degree. But I cannot tell you exactly how much harder it will be for your to secure a position in science.

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Maybe not an unusual question...: How does one mentally "check out" of their job? My job is not satisfying professionally, working relationship with attorneys I work with seems strained all the time, and efforts to repair fruitless. I'm not inclined to go look someplace else, and I'm concerned that discussing unhappiness with office manager in relation to a transfer might trigger a "personnel action" causing me to lose job. Any thoughts from you or the chatters? I usually feel very passionate about work, and having a hard time adjusting my attitude to not be disappointed a lot. Thanks.

Lily Garcia: Why wouldn't you look for employment elsewhere? If you are the type of person who likes to approach work with passion, you will find it very hard to "check out," as you say. And, if you do succeed in transforming yourself into an apathetic worker, you will be unhappy. Do our readers have other thoughts?

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Merger: Hi Lily,

My division was recently acquired by another company. My work is the same, but I'm not thrilled with the company. I was job-hunting before the merger, and am continuing to do so. Been here 8 years, time to move on. How do I put this on my resume? I've been at the same job for 8 years, but the new company for 4 months. I don't want it to look like I'm job-hopping. Thanks.

Lily Garcia: List the name of the new company first, with a notation regarding the acquisition of the old company. I would not list two separate entries on your resume because it might seem at first glance to someone reviewing your resume that you have only been at your job for four months.

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Washington, D.C.: My company is offering "buyouts" to employees 50 or older, the financial packages range from a great deal for those with long service to what amounts to severance pay for others. For me the impact is financial, not emotional, as it seems to be for so many of my coworkers, who fear "retirement" -- meantime I am busy job hunting. What is the best way to describe my departure from this company to potential employers? It is not being fired, but it is also not my choice to leave.

Lily Garcia: Describing it simply as a layoff would be accurate. Even though it is not your choice to leave, being laid off doesn't necessarily mean that your work was subpar. Employers understand this.

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Washington, D.C.: I'm another one who doesn't understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to what are called "developed references." It's a given that a job applicant will offer the names of persons who will give glowing recommendations and at the same time, it's important to get a full picture. When hiring, I often asked references if they knew of anyone else with whom I might talk to get another perspective on the candidate. No one seemed surprised at this. If I was speaking to someone who said they had to check with the candidate first, I would have taken that as at least a yellow flag.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your thoughts.

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Arlington, Va.: How do you treat a person who needs their hand held ALL the time at work and still, amazingly, expects to be promoted? I have been successful deflecting her until "later" at which point she usually figures things out, but her first reaction to anything is to come running for help. It's driving me crazy. I am not her supervisor and have let people know but yet it continues.

Lily Garcia: You should talk to her supervisor about it. But be careful that the way in which you present your concerns does not end up making you sound like you are not a team player. Some amount of assistance to coworkers is an anticipated part of anyone's job.

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Relocating: I want to move home and how the skill set with plenty of job prospects there. Relocating would not be an issue -- I can move back within the standard two-week notice, and would not cost them a dime in relocating costs. But I'm not getting call backs and I think it's primarily because I'm out of state.

Someone suggested using my parents' address, but it would be obvious I don't live there since my current job is here.

Lily Garcia: Use your cover letter to explain to employers that you have ties to the area and that you are moving by some date certain. It will also help you to get interviews if you can tell prospective employers when you will be in town and available for interviews. It shows that you are serious about moving and it saves them a logistical hassle and potential expense.

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New York, N.Y.: I work for the Federal government (nice small agency) and it will be 3 years next week that I've been here. I was eligible for my first promotion after my first year and when I brought that to my boss's attention she flew over the roof and got really pissed off and said she knows I'm eligible and she will let me know when she'll give it to me. I got it 6 months later. Second promotion I was eligible last year which was May. I dared not open my mouth but in November in our annual review I asked about it and she said I was not ready yet. I had a feeling she would give it to me 6 months later.

She went on vacation for 3 weeks and the day before vacation we were talking about something and she said I'll process your promotion after I get back.

She's been back for 10 days and nothing and I don't dare go ask her (although she is the one who told me she'll do it). I went and spoke to HR yesterday wondering if it takes a while and the HR lady told me: if she wants to give it to you she just calls and says "give her the promotion" so she said there is no work on my boss's end.

My question is when and if at all I should ask her about it. She is a very very difficult person to deal with ("sensitive" was the word the HR lady used) and I really do not know what to do since she's bitten my head off every time I've previously asked.

I just do not know if she is stalling or she forgot. Please help, Thank you.

Lily Garcia: You simply have to get up the nerve to ask. She promised you something that has a tangible financial impact on you and she had not delivered. You need to hold her accountable. If she is "sensitive," then ask her in a sensitive way. But you should not keep quiet.

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Lawrence, Mass.: Hi Lily,

I was recently let go from an employer of 15 years. In trying to find another job, it has become difficult as I always have to put down this employer, and I am sure new prospects will contact this employer. I am currently working a part time job and in desperate need of another full-time job.

My experience in this job was exceptional. Reason for letting me go: Discrepancies with another employee without a degree and getting up the ladder. I do have my degree and feel that I was discriminated as this person is sleeping around with one of the big ones. Help please.

Lily Garcia: Please refer to my earlier response regarding job searching when you have been fired. The advice is equally applicable to you. If there is any way that you can get your former employer to agree not say anything that could cost you a job, that would be ideal. You cannot go forward with your job search without clarifying with your former employer what they will and won't say.

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Slackers: Knowing about it and being motivated to do something about it are often two different things. You might let one of these tasks remain incomplete while documenting your contributions and time spent -- this will force the supervisor to deal in some form or fashion with the slacker.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your comment, but I have to disagree. Combating slacking with more slacking is the type of behavior that could come back to haunt this reader. I believe that it is better to deal with the situation in a straightforward manner.

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Trying to "check out" worker...: Because I'm tired of changing jobs. I've been here 18 months, and while I'm an "exceptionally good" legal secretary who should be a legal assistant, I don't (a) want to keep changing jobs (this place at least has decent benefits), (b) I don't want to take the pay hit to become a legal assistant ($25K reduction last time I tried).

Lily Garcia: Why not try finding a legal secretary job in a better work environment? I still don't think that "checking out" will work for you in the end.

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Washington, DC: My supervisor often asks me to do things like calling others to correct errors she made on documents, or calling others to get copies of things she's lost. The phone call she makes to me takes just as long as the phone call she'd need to make to the other person, but I guess she calls me because if I call the other person it looks like the mistakes were mine and she can save face. I do what she asks because she is my supervisor, but I'm not her secretary. Do I just continue letting people think I'm the one who is scatter brained, or is it okay to start saying stuff like "Supervisor lost her X document, can you replace?" Will that make me look worse?

Lily Garcia: It will make you look worse if you try to highlight your supervisor's shortcomings. It is best to make the calls and handle them as professionally as possible. If you do good work of your own, meanwhile, you will earn a reputation that speaks for itself. It will not be long before your supervisor's mistakes become evident on their own.

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Re: New York, New York: Is it okay to e-mail it or shall I ask in person re: the promotion reminder? Thanks.

Lily Garcia: A sensitive person would prefer an in-person inquiry.

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Washington, D.C.: Is a year long enough to tell if a job is the wrong fit for you? I have felt for several months now that this job is a bad fit for me but I am only in the 13th month of it. I just started to look for a new job but I wonder how it will look to prospective new employers.

Lily Garcia: Yes, a year is generally long enough.

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References: Re: Asking one reference whether there is someone in the same company that they might talk to.

I am a little disturbed to hear that this happens as I am embarking on a job search... Would the hiring company disclose that they might undertake a "fishing expedition"?

Lily Garcia: No, probably not.

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50+ "buyout": If these "buyouts" are only being offered to those who are aged 50+, and are not voluntary, it sounds like an age-discrimination lawsuit waiting to happen...

Lily Garcia: Possibly.

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Syracuse, N.Y.: Hi-

I am the poster with the reference question that seems to have angered people. I have spoken to several of my collegues and none of them have had this experience and all would have replyed by saying they would need to check with the interviwee. This practice of fishing for references does not usually happen in higher ed. Also, my references were two former supervisors which should be sufficient. I don't see not giving another reference as a "red flag" but as a professional courtesy to me.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for the additional information. Different industries have different interview process conventions. It sounds like higher education takes the more courteous approach.

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Confused: Every jobs columnist I've read here has advised against responding to request for salary requirements in cover letters. WashingtonPost.com recently posted a position for a producer with its Jobs section and the ad asks for the applicant to detail salary requirements. Is that request a trick question to see if applicants actually read the Jobs section itself? How would you advise an applicant to proceed? Thanks.

Lily Garcia: I highly doubt that it's a trick question, and I agree that it is best not to give away your hand in the cover letter.

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Developed References: In my experience (small federal agency), these "developed references" are required before we can clear someone to be hired. Surely if you know someone well enough to be a reference, he/she also knows another person who is familiar with your record and has good things to say. I doubt your reference would give the name of someone who would give a contrasting opinion, so it shouldn't be a big deal.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for this additional perspective.

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Re: Lazy coworkers: You'd think bosses would notice complete incompetence and laziness, but in many cases, you'd be wrong. I have coworker who works half the hours I do... cruises in late, takes 2-hour lunches, leaves early. He makes trouble in meetings, his team has no respect for him, and his last 2 project deliveries failed miserably. He's the joke of the company, and somehow, our boss who is a great guy and very bright, doesn't see it. He just has this bizarre blind spot where Skippy is concerned. I just make a point to avoid him as much as possible and make sure that my team isn't relying on him for anything -- it's none of my business, really, but it does make me bitter. I'd like to work only 25 hours a week and make $125,000...

Lily Garcia: Wouldn't we all!

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Silver Spring, Md.: What is the most proper way to explain to a future employer that you were terminated wrongfully from your previous job and are seeking legal counsel currently?

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your question. With your permission, we will publish an answer next Thursday in our "How to Deal" column.

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Lily Garcia: Unfortunately, we are out of time. If you submitted a question that I did not get to and you would like a response, please submit your question to hradvice@washingtonpost.com. Thanks, as usual, for your participation, and have a great afternoon. -Lily

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