Sports: A Family Driven to Succeed

Patrick Morrison was online Thursday, May 14 at 2 p.m. ET to discuss today's story about how (and why) his family manages three children participating in athletics at three different high schools.

A transcript follows.

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Patrick Morrison: Hi, Pat Morrison here. Looking forward to your questions today.

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Bethesda, Md.: If your kids are doing this because this is what they really want, then the more power to them! I hope they get into great schools and are very successful in life. My younger sister was a competitive gymnast and spent about 30 hours a week training. Her meets were all over the country, and my parents never once thought about withdrawing their support or financial contributions since they knew she was just following her dreams. She did not end up with an athletic scholarship; however, her extreme dedication to sports and academics did get her admitted to some very good schools and she ended up at Duke.

But the important thing is that she chose that lifestyle because she wanted to, not because she was trying to buy her way into an elite school. If your children were involved in other activities which would increase their chances of getting into an elite school, but did not come with scholarship money, would you still have supported your child's choice?

Patrick Morrison: Absolutely agree with you that this needs to be the children's choice. If they were interested in band, art or any other activity we would definitely support them. Sports is a means to an ends. It should help open doors to opportunities - not be the opportunity itself.

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Anonymous: The one thing I don't think came across was you also do this because it makes your kids happy! I have 4 kids with 2 girls in soccer. My second youngest just starts t-ball this year. The schedule can be amazing. I figure some folks might slam you for this, but I really salute you.

Do you note how much more responsible your kids are in response to your approach?

Patrick Morrison: Thanks for the compliment. We're no different than thousands of other parents around the country, sacrificing for our children to learn and make themselves better. I really do believe it's helped the kids learn to manage their time, make decisions and sacrifice for what interests them. It also teaches them that there is a consequence - good or bad - with every decision. You choose sports and you may miss out on some social time or vice versa. Good life lesson.

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NW, D.C.: Apparently someone in the house if not both were good athletes. How did your kids get so into sports?

Patrick Morrison: We let them decide. My wife and I have always enjoyed athletics, but if they had chosen art or music we would have been just as supportive. I'm sure the older kids rubbed off on the younger ones, so the interest for them may have been more from exposure.

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Summerville, S.C.: I am the mom of a tenth grader (my youngest) who plays varsity football at his high school. It is a very large (AAAA) school with a relatively succesful football program. My other two children were music and academic nerdlings -- not an athletic bone in their bodies, so how do I help my very bright very athletic kid do as well as he can? I know there are "tricks" or secrets if you will that really great "football moms and dads" know and I want the best for this amazingly sweet yet really huge and strong young man I have found myself raising....any tips will be appreciated. Patriotmom in S.C.

Patrick Morrison: The beauty of having multiple children is that they have such different interests and personalities. As with any interest, exposure, support and positive feedback go a LONG way. Making sure they enjoy what they are doing, and learning to sacrifice social time for activities that will advance that interest always helps. Not easy to do when the kids are exposed to so many things. The fact that you're asking how to help tells me you are doing the right things - supporting and loving your child. Not sure if that's the answer you're looking for.

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Annapolis, Md.: You have a brother-in-law who is also a fine athlete as well as a prominent local attorney. What impact has he had on your children's success?

Patrick Morrison: We have GREAT family members and friends who've been nothing but supportive. We couldn't do what we do without them. And we love my brother-in-law despite his shady profession. :)

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Annapolis, Md.: Some say you were the finest athlete ever to attend St. Mary's High School. Do you think any of your kids will surpass your accomplishments?

Patrick Morrison: You must be speaking to my wife. She is the athlete and brains. I am simply the competitive spirit in the family. My kids have already FAR surpassed anything we could have hoped for in terms of academic and athletic success.

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Washington, D.C.: In cartoons like the Flintstones, whenever Fred had a plan to get ahead in life, cartoonish events held him back. This is not true of very successful people in life who build from one success to another, literally relaxing by volunteering, exercising or working on a hobby instead of sitting in front of the TV. When discussing this article this morning, the reaction was overwhelmingly negative and coworkers suggested that the kids would be better to sit on the couch playing video games for fear they might "burn out" by getting too much happiness and achievement. Needless to say, I reject the Flintstones theory, that everyone must end up a failure when grasping for the brass ring. So my question to you is, amongst people who know you in real life, do they suggest you "take it easy" or suggest you are doing the right thing?

washingtonpost.com: A Family Driven to Succeed ( Post, May 14)

Patrick Morrison: Everyone has to choose what's best for them. Our children's interests center on athletics. Other families interests center on music or art. Still others embrace technology. It's not for me to pass judgement on their choices. We simply do what's best for each individual in our household. Very often what's good and interesting for one family member isn't the same for others. We try to accommodate all tastes and interests while providing the appropriate guidelines. It's not about sports here. It's about learning life lessons. Sacrifice. Organization. Perseverance. Lessons that can be learned when anyone gets involved in their passion.

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Annapolis, Md.: As a proud uncle, I can vouch for the fact that these are very well-adjusted kids -- family-oriented, humble and bound for success in life, not just in sports!

Patrick Morrison: Thanks. That means a LOT coming from someone we love and respect so much.

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Patrick Morrison: No question?

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Washington, D.C.: Where does your philosophy about life come from?

Patrick Morrison: Quality guidance from great parents and grandparents. And choosing friends wisely. My Dad has always said that you are a reflection of the friends you keep. I hope my wife and I - and our children - are representing our family and friends well. They've been terrific and are the true reason we've been able to do what we are doing.

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Honolulu, Hawaii: Aloha! The article mentions two younger boys. Are they involved in lots of sports, too? Do you think they'll follow in the footsteps of their older siblings?

Patrick Morrison: Yes, the younger boys are involved in lots of sports and activities too. We try to get them exposed to as much as possible athletically, academically, musically, community service-wise etc. It's hectic, but very positive. By the way, my wife is from Kauai. We have relatives in Ewa Beach. Can't wait to get back there soon.

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Fairfax, Va.: There are a lot of critical comments on the story that's posted on washingtonpost.com. I think some people are somewhat intimidated by the spotlight on your family and its "success" or possibly something else. Have you read any of the comments? If so, what do you have to say?

Patrick Morrison: I don't read those things. Too much negativity. It's easy to criticize. And by no means do we think we're anywhere close to be a "model" family. We simply do the best we can and hope we are guiding our children properly to make the right decisions. I hope there's not any intimidation. We didn't ask for the attention. The uniqueness of our situation - 5 kids, with 3 at different high schools - I guess grabbed someone's attention. We are fortunate to live in an area that provides quality options for school. If people want to criticize us, so be it. I welcome constructive feedback. I want the best for my kids.

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Fairfax County, Va.: Dear Mr. Morrison,

I'll play devil's advocate. My older son, now age 22, was a student athlete so I know well what that involves. However, as my younger son (age 7) develops his interests, I am finding it more difficult to justify all the time spent in the car that a serious sports commitment would entail. Traffic, gas expenses and the hassle factor have gotten bad enough over the years that it is definitely impacting my outlook. I find myself secretly hoping he will focus on sports or other interests that can be pursued as locally as possible. I don't want to hold him back, but I worry that as he advances in any particular sport/activity, we will give in to the time and travel demands without any thought to the psychic costs to all involved.

Have you thought about this, and if so, how do you resolve it? Have you ever had to make a decision where the answer was "less is more"?

Thanks.

Patrick Morrison: Absolutely we've had to make decisions where less is more. Not always popular with the kids, but appropriate in our minds. The shame of it all is that sports have evolved into year-round activities. It's not like the good old days when we were growing up when you could play 3 sports a year without having to play select this or tournament team that. Each sport improves a childs overall proficiency and perspective. I often wish for the old days. And we hold out against deciding on one exclusive sport. It's not healthy. Most of the travel and select decisions are for the parents, not the kids. I struggle with that. Let the kids decide their interest and level of commitment, then determine to what extent you can help them fulfill that interest.

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washingtonpost.com: A Family Driven to Succeed ( Post, May 14)

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Reston, Va.: How much do you spend on gas a week, and how much time do these activities leave you to spend time together as a family?

Are you encouraging your children to participate in any school-sponsored groups such as band or choir?

Patrick Morrison: Absolutely we encourage our kids to participate in band, choir, and community service activities. Unfortunately, I have absolutely ZERO musical or artistic ability, so their skills are not sharp. However, I love art, music and reading, so the kids have a healthy love and respect beyond just athletics. As for expenses - A LOT is the answer. I keep detailed records, but don't total them. I think I'm afraid to. At some point I'll go back and organize them in detail - but not until they are all grown and I can look back and laugh about it. It might make me cry the way fuel prices are going right now.

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Arlington, Va.: I just hope the parents reading this understand the reality when it comes to athletic scholarships at Division 1 schools. When you hear that someone is going to a Divsion 1 school on a scholarship (unless it is for foortball or basketball) the likelihood is that the student is getting a few thousand dollars and not a full ride. In sports like soccer, lacrosse, baseball and softball, coaches have to spread a small number of scholarships across 20 to 30 players. So what the scholarship actually means is that a player might get a few hundred dollars for books, a few thousand for room or board, etc.

Families should not be doing this as part of some grand financial plan to pay for college. You also have to watch out for the choices that need to be made -- Do you go to a less prestigous school in order to have the chance to play sports? People need to look at Division III schools more.

Other than that, I agree that sports and other activities kids love can be a great addition to their lives.

Patrick Morrison: I agree with you 100%. Athletics should be a means to open academic opportunities, nothing more. We never approached this as a way to pay for college. We were just fortunate it's worked out - for one. Who knows what will happen with the others. We stress their grades just as much. The academic money helps too. We need all the help we can get.

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Farifax, Va.: I appreciate you constantly bringing up art or music along with athletics. However, there are many more scholarships for athletics than the arts. Did this ever cross your mind? Comments?

Patrick Morrison: I love music and art - even though I'm horrendous at both. We never looked at this in terms of scholarship opportunities. We just let the kids find their passions and follow them. Ultimately, the sports is a means to open academic opportunities they may not otherwise be afforded. If there interest had been in art or music or writing or science we would have gone that path. It's not about athletics. It's about finding your passion and chasing it. It just so happened our children love sports. Would we be getting the same feedback if this article was about artists and in a different section of the paper? Not so sure. And that's a shame.

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Arlington, Va.: I'm sure if all goes according to plan, your children will be very successful in life. I know that driven personalities and kids that excel at their activities are what I look for when I conduct alumni interviews for my alma matter.

But two very important questions beg to be asked: What happens if one of your kids gets injured and is out of his/her sport for an extended period of time? And what if the economy sours to the point where this lifestyle no longer is financially feasible (or some other personal financial emergency occurs, such as loss of a job)? I certainly do not wish either of these things upon anyone, but do your kids have a backup plan in case something suddenly has to change?

Patrick Morrison: Academics have always been our TOP priority. Our children all carry a 3.5 GPA or higher. They would not be participating in sports - or any other activity - if they were not working as hard as possible academically. And yes, we do discuss the possibility of injury almost daily. Sports is a means to open doors academically - nothing more. And they have interests in many other areas - foreign language, writing. We try to teach life lessons, not sports lessons.

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Virginia: Your family is pretty remarkable and you should be proud of them!

Have you read the NYT series on sports scholarships and how much they actually give out to student/athletes? And how hard these student/athletes have to work?

(P.S. I was wondering with the price of gas; it might be cheaper to bank that $75/$150 a day for college tuition (smile).

washingtonpost.com: Expectations Lose to Reality of Sports Scholarships ( The New York Times, March 10)

Patrick Morrison: I haven't read the article. I'm sure it's quite informative. And yes, gas is getting VERY expensive. But we don't make our decisions based on scholarship opportunities. The kids are young and only get to do this once in life. We make our decisions based on interests and passions. If it was in sculpting we'd be doing the same thing - as long as we are able.

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Washington, D.C.: How old were your kids when they started sports? Did they express particular interest in playing one sport over another or did you just try different ones until they find ones they liked?

Patrick Morrison: Our kids started in sports at various ages, from 8-10 years old. And we let them do as many as possible. We can't decide what they like best. And they can't make an informed decision until they've participated. Our only rule - finish what you start. No quitting mid-season. After the season is done, then you make your decision whether to return the next year or not. We've done ice hockey, field hockey, soccer, tennis, golf, football, lacrosse, basketball and volleyball. All of the kids have also taken music lesson, been a part of the Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts and all have participated in some sort of community service like Rebuilding Together.

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McLean, Va.: What is you and your wife's occupations? How do you have time to fit all of this in?

Patrick Morrison: I'm in sales. My wife is a child care director part time. Not really sure how we find the time - we just do. A LOT of help comes from family and friends. We couldn't do it without them. And fortunately the kids TRULY enjoy going and watching each other no matter what the activity. That's a blessing. We've been EXTREMELY lucky to have very few conflicts over the years. I hope that continues.

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Patrick Morrison: I really appreciate everyone's comments and questions. I hope one thing is clear - we do not push our children into any of these activities. And we are not focused on getting scholarships. Our goal is to allow our children to enjoy a happy childhood participating in the activities they enjoy. Over the years that's included Scouts, music, art, talent shows - - - and yes sports. Ultimately, it's been their choice to become a part of the sports they currently enjoy. And make no bones about it - academics comes first. It's the key to everything. And if their athletic good fortune opens academic doors that would otherwise have been closed - then I am a HAPPY CAMPER. Finally, thanks to all of the family and friends who have helped - and will help - us manage our schedule over the years. You are the true success story and the reason we can do what we do for the kids. We are very lucky to have such terrific - and unselfish - children. I couldn't be more proud of how they are turning out as they grow. I am TRULY going to miss this time we've enjoyed together.

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