How to Deal Live

Surviving Your Workplace

Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for more than 10 years. She takes reader questions and answers a selection in her weekly How to Deal column for washingtonpost.com.

She comes online twice a month to answer your questions about human resources issues, workplace laws or just everyday workplace survival.

If you've got a workplace question and would like it to be featured in an upcoming How to Deal column, e-mail Lily at HRadvice@washingtonpost.com.

Find more career-related news and advice in our Jobs section.

The transcript follows.

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Lily Garcia: Good morning, and thank you for joining our chat. I look forward to answering your career- and workplace-related questions. Let's get started.

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D.C.: Hi Lily,

This is an odd problem but one we really need guidance on. I work in an enclosed office with several others. A new person was recently hired who has what can be described as a festering wound on her foot. She is a very nice person but the problem is she cleans it in the office and it often causes a nauseating smell to permeate the room that bothers all of us. We have no HR people on site.

We are at a loss as how to politely ask this individual to clean the wound in the restroom, not in the office. But we of course don't want to offend or embarrass her. She clearly has an infected would that she is trying to get to heal, but cleaning it out in an enclosed office space while the smell from the infection permeates the room is proving to be hard for us to tolerate much longer. This has been going on for about a month and is not improving. Thanks.

Lily Garcia: If you have a manager on site, that person should address the issue. If not, it should be addressed by your offsite HR representative or an offsite manager. Your sensitivity to your coworker is commendable, but you should not have to tolerate her public wound-dressing.

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Baltimore: This is the first year plus working in a government agency. The agency has a policy to give evaluation on six months and one year intervals. I got one evaluation from my short-termed director who worked for six months in our office and quit. I realized the evaluation was biased in some way. I don't think it based on my performances but on something else in his mind, I don't know. I wrote my own job performance review but didn't get a positive answer. My evaluation didn't go anywhere and stayed in the hand of current boss. What is the best approach to get a positive and productive result?

Lily Garcia: Request a meeting with your current boss to bring him or her "up to speed" on your performance history. Without assigning blame, explain the performance areas where you and your former boss disagreed. Ask for preliminary feedback regarding your performance and end on a positive not, expressing a desire to excel under this person's supervision and receive an outstanding review at the end of the year.

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Losing my mind in D.C.: This is more of a workplace survival question...

How can I get my small company's owner to share information? We have had what seems like an uninterrupted string of embarrassing screw-ups, mostly on small errors that should have never made it to the client. But we keep missing the mark on small details, and I think it's because our company's owner hoards information and almost never has team meetings with all the various people involved on a given project.

The owner will meet with individuals on the project separately, including the client, but it turns into a game of telephone, where what person A said to person B doesn't match what person C believes should be done, and so on. And things fall through the cracks.

Add to this the constant cancellation and rescheduling of deadlines, and you start feeling like you're in a constant state of freefall and isolation. At least I do.

This isn't to excuse details getting missed, but I really want to figure out how to explain this to the owner (who "doesn't believe in meetings"). At a certain point, you just have to communicate, even if you don't like meetings or believe that your underlings should have any involvement in the project other than to execute ever-changing tasks on ever-changing deadlines.

BTW, the owner is a genuinely nice person -- just a poor communicator and manager who thinks they're a great communicator and manager, and bristles at any hint otherwise.

Lily Garcia: In approaching the owner about these issues, it will be very important to make sure that nothing you say suggests that he or she is anything but a great guy or gal. Frame it more as something that would be helpful to you in ensuring top-notch deliverables, and ask for his or her indulgence in trying out the idea of weekly project meetings.

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Anonymous: Help. I work with someone who doesn't understand English very well. I'm kind of ok with repeating things and writing stuff down to make sure the point is getting across, but now it's just getting very frustrating.

When management asks him to do something, he will turn to me (once management has left the vicinity) and ask me what to do, until I walk him through the whole thing. First time, I did this, I was understanding. But, now I'm walking him through the same process over and over again, and I'm becoming resentful.

1. I feel like I'm doing his work, but getting no credit, not to mention that I can't do what I was assigned to do. 2. We are peers, but someone how it's my responsibility to make sure he understands and does what he needs to do. 3. Management interviewed and selected him, and yet I'm holding the bag for their decision.

I need to know how to deal with this because it's driving me crazy -- I'm getting an attitude when I get the same questions over and over again. I'd love to address it with co-worker, but it's clear, based on the interactions thus far, that what I'm saying isn't getting through.

Lily Garcia: You are in a truly unenviable position. The best thing you can do for your sanity and to preserve your productivity is let you manager know what is going on. Be very careful not to sound bitter or resentful when you raise the issue. Instead, tell your manager that you have grown concerned abut your coworker's capacity to do the work because the questions that he asks you regarding assignments are so fundamental. If his skills are valuable enough to the organization, they should make an investment in him by sending him to language classes.

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Fairfax County, Va.: Our company is about to layoff a bunch of people -- like probably on Friday. It's really hard to get much work done with all the whispering, closed door meetings, worrying, etc. How can we get through the next few days and actually be somewhat productive? The uncertainty and sense of impending doom is killing all of us.

Lily Garcia: First of all, I am very sorry about your situation. Organizational psychologists have compared the emotional impact of layoffs to the impact of a nuclear war. So severe are the effects of this type of change. There is not much that you can do to make it better other than trying to remain open-minded about the range of possible outcomes. It may help to prepare for the worst case scenario by polishing your resume and thinking about what your next step would be, should you be forced to take it. I would also recommend taking advantage of any EAP or employee assistance program that your organization might provide. This can be a great source of short-term counseling for the management of high-stress situations.

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M Street, D.C.: Lily, I have a podmate who is incredibly NOSY. She makes comments about what's on my computer screen (work related) every time she walks by and I think she is spying on my phone calls. I was having a conversation with my supervisor and she had the nerve to turn around and stop and listen, and she was 10 feet away! She's very nice but I suspect has never been told to mind her business. Help!

Lily Garcia: Try using nonverbal speach to express your desire for privacy. When you notice her snooping, change the angle of your computer screen. When you notice her listening in on a conversation, lower your voice to a whisper or walk to a different location. If she does not get the hint, try real-time verbal feedback. Say, for example, "I mean no offense, but I am a private person and I would prefer if you did not read what is on my computer monitor."

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Re: Losing my mind in D.C.: I do want to suggest an alternate plan for the person who is working with the boss who hates meetings. I can sympathize with the boss, because I was the victim of an over-meeting culture of a previous boss. There is a happy medium -- go to him with the details that are being missed and suggest communications strategies (group e-mails, brief group status reports, or even group discussions) that can help make the boss see that group status updates are important. That way, he won't respond viscerally to the concept of a "team meeting."

Lily Garcia: A great suggestion. Thanks!

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Chantilly, Va.: Ms. Garcia, in your opinion, is any job ever "safe" in terms of layoffs?

Lily Garcia: No. But there are safer jobs than others.

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Upper Marlboro, Md.: Hallelujah! I have a job, and I am in a field that is in demand. However, I am annoyed with my current position, and the openings that people are calling me about (yes, people contact me!) are also in the same particular area of government contracting. I WANT OUT! Same field, but either civilian agencies or state or even commercial. I actually prefer to try commercial for a while, but I am a bit pragmatic; one kid is in college and the other will be in two years, and I know Defense. I am trying to tailor my resume and I have a contact or two in other places. I have been working in IT for 24 years and in this area (organizational resilience) for the last 10 years. Question (finally): Do you think it's worth a resume consultant, and can a cover letter take the place of some of the information that I must leave out of the resume to keep it from being 6 pages long?

Lily Garcia: It can never hurt to have a professional review your resume. But the investment might not be necessary if you are in such a high-demand field. Your cover letter is the right place to explain your job history and bring your accomplishments to life in a way that the resume format does not always allow. However, do not omit anything from the relevant professional history in your resume. If you need to, just make the entries more concise.

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Mon-profit upheaval: My current organization is in a complete upheaval. We're a solid group with a budget of over a million dollars, and have been around for 8 years. However, since I started 7 months ago, 4 major people have left (including the CFO, director of development, etc.) and about 1.5 months ago my boss was fired. I'm assuming it was her poor management that led to so many people quitting. Since my boss was fired another long-term employee has resigned. Although I haven't been here for a year, I have a LOT of experience now in my field. If I were to interview/look around for other opportunities (I'm afraid of my current organization completely collapsing), what should I say in the interview about why I'm searching? Something about looking for an organization with a chance to grow, etc.?

Lily Garcia: Exactly. Frame it in terms of your desire for professional advancement, which seems uncertain in your current organization due to major reorganizations.

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Washington, D.C.: My girlfriend has cancer and started treatment last week. The chemotherapy phase will last until about mid-October and she needs assistance at home during the day of and days following her treatment. Her parents live within 2 hours but I also need to be available to take care of her. I had a job interview last week that I think went pretty well. If I am lucky I will have a 2nd interview soon with senior-level people. I am torn about when to divulge the details of my girlfriend's cancer. Most people say I should only bring it up for dicussion if I receive an offer though I sometimes feel this is disingenious. Basically it would require me to work from home or half days when she receives her treatment and the following day. Any thoughts?

Lily Garcia: I agree with those who have advised you to wait. First make sure that they want to hire you. Then negotiate for what you need.

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Honesty in annual review...: At my company's annual reviews, we the employee do a review of ourselves, and then go over that with the ones our supervisors do. I've been unhappy and been trying to rectify things with the bosses, but there's some cluelessness or "I don't have time to deal with that" on their part. How honest should I be in review that I have been unhappy? I have examples to cite of issues. Thanks.

Lily Garcia: You should be honest, yet constructive. Make sure that you are not personally disparaging anyone in your feedback, and make sure that you have a thoughtful, concrete suggestion for addressing each of the issues you raise.

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Chantilly again: Thanks for responding! Can you explain which jobs are safer than others, or does it depend on the industry?

Lily Garcia: It depends upon the industry and also your particular skills. If you are the Chief Technology Officer for an Internet company, for example, and you are doing a great job, you are unlikely to be fired or laid off. This is a position that they can scarcely do without. If you are one of many programmers for that company, however, they might decide that they could get by with fewer of you.

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District Heights, Md.: Dear Lily, I used to work for a private contractor. I was a general maintenance worker working at the D.C. Navy yard and in Anacostia. I had open heart surgery in November 2006, came out the hospital in December 2006. I went through physical therapy through August 2007. While I was going through therapy, the job lost its company contract in March 2007. I'm still unemployed but ready to work. What shall I do now? I was in a union but they aren't trying to help me. What should I do now?

Lily Garcia: I have deep sympathy for your situation. It is hard enought to job search in this climate, let alone when you have gone through a lengthy physical recovery. My best advice is to start searching for open jobs that are compatible with your skills and experience both online and in the paper. If you are at a loss for how your skills might transfer into non-government-contractor work, it might be helpful for you to seek the assistance of your local state employment agency or a career counselor.

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Pennsylvania: A coworker is having difficulties with a passive-aggressive, incompetent supervisor ("M") and was encouraged by M's supervisor to speak with the director about the problem because it had come to the point where my coworker was looking for a new job. My coworker spoke with the director and had good results, but when word got back to M about it, she was treated to a tongue lashing from M that made her cry. My question is, does my coworker have a right in this situation to go above her supervisor's head without having to endure verbal abuse and what would be a good way to handle it at this point?

Lily Garcia: She should tell the director that she has essentially been retaliated against for airing her concerns. The director should be aware that whatever feedback s/he delivered to M was not well received. When she has collected herself, your coworker should also tell M that, although she understands why M would prefer that your coworker speak to her directly about her concerns, M needs to understand that she had good reasons for not feeling comfortable coming to her. Yes, ideally your coworker would speak with M directly before going over her head, but sometimes there are legitimate reasons to skip that step.

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Maryland: I would be careful in framing the request for being available to assist your girlfried. Not passing judgment, but if this were your wife, there might be more flexibility for many employers. Also consider that you might just have to take annual leave in those increments, since likely sick time wouldn't apply (if they won't accmodate the working from home proposal). Also to keep in mind -- if you are going to be there to assist her, how effective are you really going to be in performing actual work? Just a thought.

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your thoughts. You are right: If his employer doesn't go for the telecommuting plan, he might have to take leave. Also note that there is no statutory leave available for the care of a loved one who is not your parent, spouse, or child.

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Germantown, Md.: Your comment, "Organizational psychologists have compared the emotional impact of layoffs to the impact of a nuclear war." is a great example of why no one should pay any attention to organizational psychologists. That is ridiculous.

Lily Garcia: It is called "survivor syndrome."

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Landover, Md.: Lily, for the past several years I've been feeling unfulfilled in my work. It hasn't affected my work ethic or my performance, as doing a great job is important to me. I enjoy my work and my teammates. The issue has nothing to do with my current employment situation, but rather my personal fulfillment. Do I have something in mind that I'd rather be doing? I have a few things that I'm interested in, but where do I begin?

Lily Garcia: Start by conducting informational interviews and networking with people who have jobs you think might interest you. Read everything that you can about these roles. The more you investigate, the more clear your ideas of what might make you happy will become.

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Boston: I am about to be promoted to an assistant manager position, which is a challenge I feel ready for. But I work with one other woman who has the same title I do (and who has been here a little bit longer). We are friendly and occasionally hang out together outside work. I know she is going to be shocked and angry that she did not receive the promotion. Would you advise me to speak to her privately before my new title is announced? Is that our manager's job? How do I handle the inevitable tensions at work?

Lily Garcia: That is your manager's job. If this is a concern for you, it is worth mentioning to your manager that you think your coworker would benefit from some advance notice. After your promotion has been announced, you should reach out to all of your new reports, including this coworker, to listen to their ideas and concerns and let them in on the plans you have for your new role. You can lay the groundwork for a smooth transition, but how your coworker responds in the end will be up to her. If she becomes negative, try not to let this color your entire perspective on your transition.

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Alexandria, Va.: I work in a very small office (5 of us) and I really just feel like a number. It's getting to the point where I don't feel like I belong anymore and wonder if I ever really did. A co worker who started after me gets specialized treatments, etc. It appears (at least to me) that if something is wrong in the office or if our office isn't producing numbers that one of the managers always looks at me. Yes my numbers have suffered and gone downhill but I'm still putting in an effort to get them up but yet I feel like all my efforts go unnoticed.

I've brought up my concerns that I'm not doing the numbers anymore and asked for help. I got help once. Recently I was told 1 of the managers would work with me to go over a large account but that has yet to happen. I've mentioned it more than once. If I was my co-worker he'd be jumping all over it to help (co worker is a friend of boss's family).

My wife says this isn't the right environment for me and I agree but I don't know how to make a change. I know my resume will be seen if I post it.

I don't consider myself lazy but I'm not very motivated right now. I've been here over a year now. How do I know when it's really time to move on?

Lily Garcia: When you feel unappreciated and ostracized and your requests for coaching and mentoring have been ignored, it is time to move on. If you are concerned that your employer will find out that you are looking for a job, you can try posting your resume anonymously and also applying for positions directly with employers (without necessarily posting your resume online).

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Arlington, Va.: Simple question, which I'm sure will meet with a complicated answer! How do I deal with total work burnout?

I've been with my current company for over 4 years now, and in that time, I've watched the company morph, change focus, not to mention change its NAME so many times that I often feel like I don't know who I'm working for anymore. A lot of my burnout also has to do with how my own position has become overloaded. We've grown in size so much that people in my position can barely handle the workload being thrust upon us, yet we're constantly expected to take it all with good grace and magically turn things around in an impossibly short amount of time. Our pleas for help (i.e., additional staff) have fallen on deaf ears (always for the same reason -- money), and as a result, I honestly don't care anymore about this company. I'm not against working hard (for what kind of worker would I be if I didn't have a good work ethic?), but since I'm constantly being shown that the higher-ups could care less about me and my work needs, my work ethic has plummeted substantially. I'm searching for other jobs, in the hopes that I can get a fresh start, but am having little to no responses, which is unbearably frustrating (AND taking my morale further down).

Again, what can I do to combat this kind of burnout?

Lily Garcia: Indeed, the answer to your question is lengthier than this forum will allow. With your permission, I will answer your question in the next "How to Deal" column that we publish in washingtonpost.com/jobs.

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for Washington, D.C.: The poster didn't say if he is a he or she is a she. If marriage isn't legal for you or an option you want to pursue, domestic partnership (available to same and opposite sex couples) may give you what you need under D.C. law.

Lily Garcia: That is a very good point. Thank you.

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Nosy colleagues: In my case, it's the boss that's nosy. While I'm working, he'll come up behind me and rummage through my inbox.

I'm in the reception area, so as it is, I don't get much privacy. I don't know if he's seeing where I stand on tasks or he's just snoopy, but it makes me INSANE.

But, since he's the boss, I feel like I can't say anything. What do you think?

Lily Garcia: I think that the line is a little harder to draw with your boss. Still, there are things you can say and do to help maintain some sense of personal space. When your boss rummages through your in box, for example, try saying politely, "Could I help you find something?" Also, suggest having a regular task update meeting so that some of his urge to snoop around might be dissipated.

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D.C area: I know that most Americans claim to have a zero-tolerance policy regarding drugs. I'm sure there are a large number of people reading this chat that have never tried any kind of drug. I am not one of those people. In college, I heavily experimented with alcohol and marijuana. Later on, I also tried psychedelics, cocaine and prescription narcotics. My use after college was sporadic enough that I easily passed several pre-employment urine drug screens without altering the sample. In the past year, after much soul-searching with my husband, we decided we needed to quit completely. It's not easy and there have been two times this year where we both smoked pot and once this year where he did coke. We wanted to attend counseling for substance abuse, but when we called the two programs in our area and discussed our problem, they both implied or directly said that our problem was too small for their programs, which treat heavy users or those facing criminal charges.

My husband applied for a new job in which he knew he would be drug tested. He is absolutely perfect for the job and after five interviews was offered the job, contingent on passing a background check and a drug test. We bought several at home urine tests and he tested clean on every one of them. When he showed up at the clinic for his drug test, they took a hair sample instead. My husband has hair that is several inches long and will most certainly show his most recent drug use (on average hair grows 1/2 inch a month and his hair is more than three inches long). I have read that the test is only supposed to measure the inch-and-a-half closest to the scalp and that sample would most likely test negative for drug use, but I don't feel secure that they won't test the entire sample. I have also read that the hair analysis can detect level of use, which would be in his favor unless they have a zero-tolerance policy.

We haven't heard from the employer since the test (three days ago) and one of the clinics we called suggested he call the company, be honest, and explain that he might not pass but that he is not a habitual user (or even a "weekend warrior"). It was my impression that most employers who drug test do so for insurance reasons but I didn't know if those insurance companies had zero-tolerance policies. I also read that the American with Disabilities Act prohibits employers from discriminating against recovering addicts, but is my husband considered a recovering addict if his use isn't even enough to get into a rehab program?

Lily Garcia: Thank you for your thought-provoking question. Unless you object, I would like to publish an answer in next week's "How to Deal" feature.

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Lily Garcia: Unfortunately, we are out of time. Thank you, as usual, for your thoughtful participation. If I was unable to get to your question, please feel free to email me at hradvice@washingtonpost.com. Best wishes, Lily

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