Washington Sketch

Post columnist Dana Milbank, who serves as the capital's foremost critic of political theater in his Washington Sketch columns and videos, was online Thursday, June 19 at 1 p.m. ET to take your questions and comments about the things politicians say -- and the absurd ways they find to say them.

The transcript follows.

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Dana Milbank: Good afternoon, Sketch readers. I'm not Sketching today because I'm doing a special edition Friday Sketch tomorrow, when Scott McClellan goes before the House Judiciary committee. But I'm eager to field your questions on Obama's financing flip-flop, McCain's drilling flip-flop, or the state of McClellan's sideburns. As Tim Russert would have said: Go get 'em.

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Washington: Usually your columns take a humorous look at Washington. When did you decide to cover Russert's funeral? Did you worry about finding an appropriate way to write the column? P.S. I thought you pulled it off beautifully, as always.

washingtonpost.com: The Humble Moderator's Grand Goodbye (Post, June 19)

Dana Milbank: Glad you liked it. Sketching a funeral is a bit of a high wire act, because there's not a whole lot of funny stuff going on. The Sketch occasionally veers into serious territory for funerals: Cap Weinberger's, Ford's, the soldiers at Arlington, and Russert's. I also do weddings and bar mitzvahs.

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Concord, N.H.: So how frustrated were the senators questioning Haynes, and what can they do in the face of such formidable memory loss? I just wonder what the next step is after Haynes finishes retreating behind the wall of dismissive arrogance to high-five Ollie North and the ghost of Reagan. Does Congress collectively wring their hands in helplessness and console themselves with getting Haynes to at least show up for questioning? Is there some sort of intellectual Viagra the congressional panel could take before they have to question Addington next week?

washingtonpost.com: Abu Ghraib? Doesn't Ring a Bell. (Post, June 18)

Dana Milbank: I'm pretty sure Carl Levin arranged for poor Jim Haynes to get a prescription for Aricept.

The senators of course knew that the ex-Pentagon lawyer would be conveniently forgetful, just as they knew Alberto Gonzales would do the same. The idea is to make them pay for their misdeeds by forcing them to squirm for a couple of hours and have photos of them in The Washington Post looking dopey. I understand the Senate Armed Services Committee will have many more such hearings. I'm really hoping they can put all the witnesses in a naked pyramid next time.

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Ocala, Fla.: Mr. Haynes would make a great naked twister player.

Dana Milbank: Another excellent idea for the next hearing.

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Washington: Please Dana, enough Tim Russert! Does "official Washington" realize that half of Iowa is underwater and more than one person has suffered and died in that awful mess? We have the worst natural disaster in years in the Midwest, and yet our "news" 24-7 is about a journalist who -- while maybe a beloved figure in Washington power circles -- remains unknown to most of the world.

Dana Milbank: There's flooding in Iowa? All I know about recent meteorological events is that there was a terrific rainbow over Washington after the Russert memorial.

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San Francisco: Now that everyone's seen the incredible Tim Russert double rainbow, will the scratching and clawing to replace him begin in earnest at NBC?

Dana Milbank: No, the scratching began last Friday and the clawing commenced on Saturday.

The problem, of course, is that this truly is a case where there can be no replacement, only a successor.

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Washington: Doesn't it concern anyone that Tim Russert is being praised as the journalist's journalist, yet he had no journalism degree? What does it say when you're called a journalist only because you married one?

Dana Milbank: Dunno -- my degree is in poli sci.

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Bethesda, Md.: "It was an impressive performance, to be sure. But let's see him try to do that with a hood over his head, standing on a crate with wires attached to his arms." That is why I love you. Awesome.

Dana Milbank: I am feeling a lot of love out there today. Possibly this is all the goodwill generated by the Russert remembrances.

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Falls Church, Va.: Oh my God, will you really Sketch a wedding? I have clients who totally would work that into their budgets!

Dana Milbank: Indeed, I already have committed myself to Sketching Vito Fossella's next wedding.

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Mt. Lebanon, Pa.: Is the deification of Tim Russert completed now? Please? How about a simple burial in his hometown? That would be a respectful ceremony for a real man of home and hearth, not this trumpet-blaring bread-and-circus by the overcelebrated for themselves and their fawning attendants. Goodness. One would have thought that Augustus, Charles DeGaulle, Admiral Nelson or El Claudillo had died and joined the pantheon of the gods. Hint to Beltway bloviators: Get a life. Thanks much.

Dana Milbank: Okay, so the love out there is not universal.

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Falls Church, Va.: Is Obama forgoing public financing really front-page (online) worthy? I'd like to see a front-page link to the recent developments in the Abramoff scandal/investigation. I hear it's really good.

Dana Milbank: I think Obama's reversal on public financing is indeed homepage/front-page worthy. This change agent has just busted the last threads holding together the post-Watergate reforms.

On the other hand, I too would like to see more Abramoff stuff. The latest is that David Safavian got his conviction tossed out, raising the delightful prospect of a new trial in which they go over all of his golf outings in Scotland for another five days.

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Washington.: Question: Where will Tim Russert be buried -- in a local cemetery, or back in Buffao? I haven't seen anything about the burial arrangements in any of the news stories, and was hoping to eventually visit the gravesite and pay my respects. Thank you.

Dana Milbank: It was all hush-hush yesterday (although I guess an enterprising journalist would have followed the hearse) but a birdie told me it's Rock Creek Cemetery, which actually is off North Capitol Street.

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Washington: Do you think Obama will tap Hillary Clinton for the vice presidency?

Dana Milbank: Only if she can make herself look exactly like Joe Biden.

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Washington: Dana -- re: the Russert funeral, once again you nailed it, and with good humor. Is it just me, or has Fox news been noticeably absent in this celebration of Tim Russert? No fond remembrances, no humorous recollections of competition, no representatives at the funeral or memorial service ... just a brief mention on the Sunday show. Is this something that struck you as odd?

Dana Milbank: Apparently Fox News made a point of branding the deceased as a representative of the reviled liberal media.

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Washington: Hi Dana. Are you going to Sketch the emerging story of Countrywide/Jim Johnson/Chris Dodd/Kent Conrad political favors? Or do you believe that to be a nonstory?

Dana Milbank: Yes, but I need a hearing or some other scene to make that possible. Maybe the next Banking Committee hearing on mortgages?

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Washington: Hi Mr. Milbank. I am 23 and have been reading your pieces forever -- they are so informative, but humorous as well. I was wondering if people have to testify. For example, if Haynes hadn't shown up to the Armed Services Committee, would he face a punishment? Also, what is the point in going if you aren't going to answer questions? Doesn't that make you look bad in front of the lawmakers, media and public? Thanks!

Dana Milbank: Thank goodness -- we found a reader under age 70! I'm shocked to realize I've been in the business for 18 years now -- since you were five.

Haynes came voluntarily, but of course they could have issued a subpoena if he didn't. Then he would have to appear in an orange jump suit with a wet towel in his mouth.

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Anonymous: How did Safavian get his conviction thrown out? I anxiously am awaiting for the Hammer to take center stage. So much karmic justice awaits, along with the added benefit of DeLay's knack for providing entertainment while being thorougly despicable. He taught Cheney everything he knows ("So?").

washingtonpost.com: Ex-Bush Aide Gets New Trial on Appeal (Post, June 18)

Dana Milbank: He was able to convince a three-judge appellate court panel that his handicap was way lower than prosecutors had alleged.

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Severna Park, Md.: Hi Dana. As a regular reader of Washington Sketch, I just wanted to thank you for your poignant piece on the funeral of the late Tim Russert. Like so many Americans, I am both saddened by his passing and deeply inspired by the accounts of his professional and private life. The coverage has struck me as truly inspirational as well -- perhaps because Russert was both a Washington insider and consummate journalist, while at the same time such an apparently good and gracious man, his memory seems to have brought out the best in all the many powerbrokers and average Joes whose lives he touched, on all sides of the political spectrum.

It was just so refreshing -- particularly after this acrimonious political season -- to see the Bushes and the Clintons and the Obamas and all the various and sundry talking heads come together to pay their respects to this man. It really was, as you and many of your colleagues have observed, like a state funeral -- and handled with as much decency and respect as any in recent memory. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts as to what you think Russert's greatest legacy will be, and whether his passing will hasten what many already seem to be opining is the end of an era in journalism.

Dana Milbank: Well, this may be the end of an era, but we're already well on our way to the end of journalism, which is a bit more significant.

I think the very reason people liked Russert was because he wasn't all those things displayed during the memorial coverage -- all those people chauffered in Lincoln Town Cars and angling for invitations to the funeral, memorial service, etc.

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Arlington, Va.: Oh arbiter of political humor, how funny is it that Michael Gerson writes this in his column bashing Al Franken's supposed vulgarity: "At its best, politics can offer examples of civility and generosity that challenge selfishness and prejudice." Gerson worked with Dick "Go (expletive) Yourself" Cheney, and his hero and longtime employer, as a campaign tactic, used push polls to falsely suggest that his opponent had fathered an illegitimate mixed-race child.

Dana Milbank: Not an arbiter, just a connoisseur.

Every man's entitled to his opinion, but mine is that there isn't enough vulgarity in politics. And if you disagree with me, you're a major league A-hole.

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Minneapolis: I realize this is somewhat morbid, but perhaps you'd like to get it on the record just in case. What Washington big shots would you most like to speak at your funeral? Maybe Haynes and Gonzales could recount all of their nonmemories of your life?

Dana Milbank: My former colleague Tom Edsall is handling all arrangements for my funeral. He already has set a date and booked the hall. If you would like a speaking role, please contact him at Huffington Post.

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Tallahassee, Fla.: Are you taller than Bloomberg?

Dana Milbank: We are both what is referred to in medical jargon as "short Jews," but I believe I've got three inches on the man. I do recall reading a while back that when he was contemplating a presidential run, he increased his officially stated height by an inch.

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Discouraged Republican: Greatly enjoyed your Monty Python references during the death-rattle phase of the Clinton campaign. Have you developed any good pop culture north stars for the McCain campaign? I'm thinking "Get Smart" would be appropriate, given the hapless bungling we've seen thus far. The "Cone of Silence" is an appropriate metaphor for the slapstick efforts to pander to and reassure right-wing GOP voters ( "Sen. McCain will not approve activist judges to the bench" ... "What?")

Dana Milbank: Somebody last week suggested "Weekend at Bernie's."

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Oviedo, Fla.: Now that you are famous -- I heard you are on cable, but I don't have that because I have a brain -- do people act differently around you, just to get a column or broadcast mention? You know -- "no such thing as bad publicity." I enjoy your online videos. You bring me laughter on days when I need it.

Dana Milbank: Aw, shucks. There really is a new era of good feeling, and I thank Tim Russert for that. I expect in my case it will wear off in another 24 hours or so.

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Washington: Any comment on the mortgage bribes accepted by Conrad and Dodd, notably the same "Dodd" on the Frank-Dodd mortgage bailout? Sometimes I think term limits would be a good thing.

Dana Milbank: I did see Dodd go into the Russert funeral at Holy Trinity yesterday, but come to think of it, I didn't see him come out. Maybe a bit of time in the confessional?

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Washington: Thank you for your Sketch today on the Russert service. I was listening to it on C-SPAN and thought it was really lovely in a lot of ways. Do you happen to know if there is any way I can get my hand on that comforting poem Maria Shriver read?

washingtonpost.com: "The Little Ship" (Media Bistro, June 18)

Dana Milbank: I actually covered the funeral itself in Georgetown, not the memorial at the Kennedy Center. I wasn't allowed in to the private event, but they were kind enough to broadcast the proceedings out onto 36th Street with loudspeakers. I've asked Edsall to arrange a similar set up for my funeral, which I believe he's planning to hold at the Post Pub on L Street.

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Dana Milbank: Thanks for chatting. Hope you'll pick up a paper on Saturday, or visit the site, to see the results of McClellan's appearance before House Judiciary tomorrow. I expect his memory will be excellent.

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