Ask the Couch Slouch

The Couch Slouch, Norman Chad, was online Monday, July 7 at 1 p.m. ET to discuss the World Series of Poker and his latest columns.

A transcript follows.

Norman Chad archive.

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Gaithersburg, MD: With the soaring popularity of poker, particularly among women, could it be that among the thousands World Series of Poker entrants lurks a future Mrs. Slouch?

Does Norman Chad put the "Stud" in Stud Poker?

Norman Chad: Yesterday, actually, there was an entrant who wore the T-shirt, "Norm's Next Wife." She asked me to marry her on the tournament floor; I told her I'd get back to her. Alas, before I could check with my current wife as to whether she would allow another family member, my suitor had been eliminated.

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Claverack, N.Y.: It's been five years since you declared Chris Moneymaker's all-in move against Sammy Farha's pair of nines "the bluff of the century". Farha clearly didn't appreciate that characterization. I think one can fairly say it was an exuberant overstatement AND one of the best color comments in poker history. How do you feel about covering that match, five years later?

Norman Chad: That World Series of Poker Main Event, in 2005, remains the symbolic start of the poker boom. While I was watching it live, I was stupid enough to be rooting for Sammy Farha (I wanted a pro to win), because I did not immediately understand the implications of Moneymaker's success. (Unfortunately, at times I am an idiot.) Anyway, I have a new car with a sun roof largely because Chris Moneymaker won that title.

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Bethesda, Md.: If (as I assume) you have the remote in one hand and a Rolling Rock in the other, how are you typing?

Norman Chad: Don't mention Rolling Rock to me. When they were bought by Anheuser-Busch, they went over to the other side. Anyway, my remote is currently sleeping, and I have a Pabst Blue Ribbon in my non-typing hand. (PBR is surprisingly good with Apple Cinammon Cheerios.)

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Washington, D.C.: What's with the 4-month hiatus between the final table and winning the WSOP Main Event? Just so ESPN can air the final table sort-of-live? Oy. When did poker become American Idol? I thought giving coaches 2 weeks of Super Bowl prep (and giving the teams an extra week of rest) ruins part of the competition of the NFL Playoffs and caused a drop-out of attention. This 4-month break is ludicrous. The WSOP is a survival contest; given all that time to prepare for an opponent, rest, practice, etc. is stupid enough (the final table players can WATCH ESPN for 2 months and see what their opponents cards were for Pete's Sake) but doing it for the TV ratings means it lacks legitimacy and soul too. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Norman Chad: From a competitive standpoint, the 117-day break is unfortunate. From most every other standpoint, it makes sense: For the first time, poker fans will be able to look forward to the final table in anticipation as to who might win. There will be a buzz around the final table. The nine players who make the final table will benefit from weeks and weeks of marketing and publicity.

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Wait, let me get this straight: People actually watch other people playing cards? On TV? Really?

What, y'all don't get Skinemax in your building?

Norman Chad: I never thought people would watch other people playing cards on TV in great numbers; then again, people have watched 'Wheel of Fortune' forever and that's one person TURNING OVER LETTERS.

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Washington, D.C.: Is the poker boom still ongoing, or given the (over)exposure, is it starting to fade into an equilibrium?

Norman Chad: The Hula Hoop faded into the equilibrium. The poker boom is still ongoing, thanks in part to the Internet. (I don't play online; however, I go to sleep with a deck of cards most nights.)

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Washington, D.C.: Do you think you will be able to persuade your editor to let you do a piece next year comparing the premium seating areas at the new Yankee Stadium with Nationals Park? The hoi polloi are dying to know what we are missing.

Norman Chad:1. What are "hoi polloi"? (I went to the University of Maryland. Sorry.)

2. I don't have an editor, I have a bookie.

3. I will not go to the new Yankee Stadium or to Nationals Park. If they tear down either place and put up a public library, I'll go there.

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Arlington, Va.: My main experience with poker is through movies. It seems like the they make the game in such features as "Rounders" "House of Games" and "Casino Royale" revolve around detecting another player's "tell." Do poker players really have 'tells' or does the game need to be "sexed-up" for the movies?

Norman Chad: Yes, everyone has "tells" -- and certain players rely heavily on detecting them -- but, overall "tells" are somewhat overrated. More players rely on studying players' betting patterns and remembering how earlier hands played out (and how certain players played them). Me? I sometimes cross the street without looking.

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Bethesda, Md.: Your best line ever was, "I peeked into Brian Billick's window and saw a portrait of Sam Wyche above the bed." Why have you always had a grudge against Sammy? He almost won a Super Bowl!

Norman Chad: David Woodley ALMOST won a Super Bowl -- do you think he's a Hall of Fame quarterback? I was never fond of the cut of Sam Wyche's jib. His coaching record was pedestrian, at best.

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New York: If poker is a sport, then so is chess -- are there any plans you are aware of for ESPN to cover a chess match?

Norman Chad: Nobody said poker is a sport -- it's game. And I don't believe there is any legal, moral or constitutional restriction on ESPN showing whatever it wants. Does VH1 only show music videos? I hope we see chess on TV, with betting.

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Rockville, Md.: Hi Norman,

Why is poker even considered a sport when it requires no athletic ability at all? It's like saying Monopoly should be considered a sport too. That said, as someone who almost made it to the WSOP I don't envy the daunting challenge faced by the people there. It seems that they'll have to be playing marathon sessions of poker over a couple of days just to even have a shot at winning some cash.

Norman Chad: Poker may not require any 'athletic ability,' but you sit there for, say, 12 hours -- making a lot of mathematical and psychological decisions, any of which can send you packing -- and you'll see how mentally and physically drained you are at the end of the day. And then you have to do it all over again the next day. I also defend pro bowlers the same way -- you go out there and roll six or eight games a day for five or six days, at the highest level, and then tell me how your wrist and back feels Saturday evening.

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McLean, Va.: Norman,

The Ask the Slouch award amount has not kept pace with inflation. A person can't even buy a PBR 40 for $1.25 these days. Do you have plans to increase the Ask the Slouch award to say, $1.75?

Norman Chad: You know how, when you're about to move, you wander streets and alleys looking for boxes? well, because of that damn $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway, I'm wandering through bowling alleys and card rooms looking for dollar bills and quarters. I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF THEM. So, no, I'm not increasing the payout.

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Pittsburgh:

If you had to bet your mortgage on one player making the final table this year, who would it be? And, who would you least like to see at a final table where you were betting your mortgage payment

Norman Chad: If I were betting my mortgage, I would select Phil Ivey. In fact, I select him to win the Main Event every year. Note: I would be in foreclosure by now with this guy -- he was knocked out on Day 1 this year.

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Fairfax, Va.: Norm,

Why don't you fill-in on "PTI" any more? Are you protesting the use of Jay Mariotti as a guest host? This answer would please many fans who have duel allegiance to both you and Kornheiser.

Norman Chad: At certain bars and restaurants, in the kitchen there often will be taped to the wall a list of people that the establishment will not take a check from. Well, one day I showed up at "PTI" and my name was on that list.

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Bowie, MD: You frequently mention your distaste for publicly financed stadiums in lieu of libraries, parks, etc. The implication being: it's a waste of taxpayers money. But, as you can see from the new SE in DC, the stadium is a boon to the economy and will create a larger tax base revenue to build more libraries, etc in the future (although I presume most of the money made by the District goes directly to Marion Barry's legal fees). So while it's easy to say "more libraries, less stadiums" it's not that easy of a correlation.

Norman Chad: Here's an easy correlation for you:

FIX THE CITY BEFORE YOU BUILD A BALLPARK.

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Gaithersburg, MD: If they show the final table live, won't that require showing hours and hours of players stealing the blinds with J-10 suited without any appreciable action? Will that type of paint-peeling boredom allow NHL to sneak back in front of Poker in the ratings?

Norman Chad: We won't be showing the final table live on ESPN in November. We'll show it on the same day, on tape (sort of like what NBC does with most of the Olympics). Plus, if we ever showed it live, I wouldn't be able to comment on the proceedings with any proficiency. Heck, when I go to dinner, I have to think about what I want to order for hours before I tell the waiter.

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Hartford, Conn.: Re this morning's column: "Joe from Saddle River" now has his own show on WFAN.

Norman Chad: Actually, he did -- he got fired an hour ago for some comment he made about the Dalai Lama.

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Very Important Question: Chadman,

How can I meet Shirley? I want to pay her!

Norman Chad: As a precautionary measure, Shirley only engages in virtual online relationships.

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Waterford, Conn.: Have you ever considered starting your own webpage and writing three columns per week as you did when you were with the National in the early '90s? I read your column weekly on Monday mornings via WashingtonPost.com, but I would like more! Naturally someone would have to pay you -- I'm a college prof, so I can't -- but then why not ESPN.com?

-- fellow Terp and American Studies grad!

Norman Chad: You know, I have trouble typing this sentence. HOW AM I GOING TO WRITE THREE COLUMNS A WEEK AGAIN? Geez. My mind is fried -- too many flops, not enough fiber.

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Beacon NY: You and Lon, heads-up, and the loser has to host Poker Superstars 311 with Chris Rose, who wins?

Norman Chad: Chris Rose is a nice man and fine broadcaster. But if I were him, I would enter the witness protection program before I hosted another Poker Superstars Invitational.

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Rockville, Md.: I was at College Park when you were there (class of '83). But I'm still stuck here in Maryland while you're in Vegas! Do you have any free seats to the Main Event to give away to a fellow schoolmate?

Norman Chad: It's too late for this year, but I will send you the entry fee for next year's Main Event, all in dollar bills and quarters.

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Richmond, Va.: Norman,

I've heard such conflicting things on the following issue that I don't know what to believe, so maybe you can shed some light on the question for me: Are many of the opponents in online poker actually computer programs? Is there any way to know if they are?

Norman Chad: I don't have a definitive answer to this question. I am on the record, many times over, concerned about many aspects of online poker. I sure hope opponents online are NOT computer programs; then again, I guess it would be just like playing against Chris Ferguson in a live tournament.

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Brooklyn, NY: I miss Norman Chad's "Against the Spread". The zingers were of terrific quality. Please come back.

Norman Chad: Thank you for your kind words. Yes, my NFL picks probably was my best writing work. Alas, my best work appears to be behind me.

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Falls Church, Va.: Poker fan's T-Shirt: I thought her shirt said "Norm's next EX-wife." Confusing.

Norman Chad: Shirley, can you show this gentleman the way out?

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Bethesda, MD: Norman,

Any chance that they will ever allow Ricky Jay to join either the WSOP, or maybe Celebrity Poker (after all, he is an actor of significant renown)?

Norman Chad: I actually play in a Liars Poker home game with Ricky Jay, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney.

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Fairfax, VA: Do you have a Slouch Couch endorsement? I could easily see you making La-Z-Boy commercials propped up on one of their reclining sectionals with a remote in one hand and a bunker in the other.

Norman Chad: I only endorse sleeping in.

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Pay The Man: So, will you tell Shirley to "pay the man" for the wittiest comment on this chat today? By the way, is this really Shirley holding the chat while Chad naps on the couch?

Norman Chad: Monday is Shirley's day off.

(She's trying to unionize, to get weekends off and sick leave. NOT ON MY WATCH, sweetheart.)

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ESPN: The network covers spelling bees and Scrabble tournaments.

Unlike poker, their color commentators never mention ex-wives.

Keep up the good work, Norman.

Norman Chad: Poker players are notorious for having broken marriages.

Scrabble players, on the other hand, generally have a low incidence of infidelity -- heck, they hardly ever leave home.

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Baltimore, MD: How much are the top guys in the game worth?

Norman Chad: If online-site endorsement money weren't around, many of the top guys would be in debt.

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washingtonpost.com: Thanks, Norman, for answering questions today.

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