Celebritology Live: Madonna and A-Rod; Celebs Who 'Can't Keep a Man;' Chat Bait

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon. Running a bit late so no textbook length intro as per usual.

Earlier today as I was engaged in a bit of important research -- on the couch drooling on myself as the Drew Carey "Price As Right" slowly melted my eyeballs, I was recalled to consciousness by an ad for the Hoveround mobility scooter -- one of those electric chair on wheel contraptions. See the ad for yourself here -- how could anyone fail to be moved by these peppy seniors performing some kind of synchronized wheelchair routine. The icing is the name of the Hoveround inventor: Tom Kruse.

Those of you who are Weingarten chat habitues are already familiar with this video. I will make no judgment on it here, but ask you to add your opinion on it if you have a spare six minutes. Gene loves it. The bulk of his chat audience loved it. I do not love it and am wagering that you won't either. Prove me right. A warning: Your valued opinion will be greatly appreciated but may not be used for much more than furthering a ridiculous argument between Gene and myself. Ah well.

The Mike Rowe interview is at last tentatively slated to happen tomorrow. I've still got all of your questions for him tucked away, so stay tuned for the interview next week in the blog.

And, breaking news, Christie Brinkley has been awarded sole custody of her kids.

Let's get started...

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Memo to Christie Brinkley: 4 times is a enough. Take a hiatus from marriage.

Liz Kelly: Hey, the fifth time's the charm.

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"Can't Keep A Man" -- Enough!: I threw a shoe at the TV last night when I saw a "Showbiz Tonight" feature on why Christie Brinkley, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, etc., "Can't Keep a Man." Why do magazines and TV persist in this crazy storyline? It's life, people! Sometimes you're single, sometimes your not.

Liz Kelly: So, what was the supposed answer? Why can't they keep a man?

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Where's the Pax?: Seriously Liz. Where is Pax Thien Jolie Pitt? We never see him. We see Angelina with both girls all the time and Brad takes Maddox everywhere like his little mini-me, but we never see Pax? Do you think it's because he was adopted at an older age and has trouble adjusting? Maybe it's a middle child syndrome -- and why did they go and mess with the birth order like that anyway by adopting someone AS A MIDDLE CHILD? That's enough to mess anyone up for life.

Liz Kelly: Pax should consider himself lucky to be out of the spotlight for now -- if he is. I'm sure it will swing back his way in the not too distant future. But is he really missing from the Brangie family picture? Naw -- in fact, I could swear I saw something about him taking a stroll with dad and Bono on the beach yesterday. Or was that Maddox?

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washingtonpost.com: Christie Brinkley settles NY divorce case (AP, July 10)

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Lisa Bonet's 2nd baby: I knew about Zoe Karvitz, but where did baby Lola come from -- pregnant? Adopted?

Liz Kelly: Speaking of Zoe -- that girl is beautiful. But how could you go wrong with Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz as your gene pool?

Re: Lola, from Wikipedia:

Bonet gave birth on July 23, 2007, to her second child, daughter Lola Iolani Momoa. This is her first child with Jason Momoa, an actor noted for his roles in the television shows Baywatch and Stargate Atlantis.

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Liz Kelly: Since we were talking about Drew Barrymore as one of the examples of a celeb who can't seem to keep a man, I thought it'd be an opportune moment to share this gallery of Drew's relationships through the years.

My fave pic is the first one -- Drew and Corey Feldman, circa 1989 when he was big into his Michael Jackson phase.

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Real World for Congress!: Kevin from Season 1 is running for Congress. I've heard he is married to another reality show alum - anyone know who and from what?

Gawker.com

Liz Kelly: Right -- and Kevin actually has some celeb heavyweights backing him. Dave Chappelle headlined a fundraiser for him just last night that was also attended by Chris Rock, Fab 5 Freddy, and a gaggle of other stars.

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Manicou Island: Dear Liz, You are at your favorite island hideway with all your buddies. You and Mr. Liz decide to wow everyone by switching bathing suits. Who looks better?

Liz Kelly: A trick answer for a trick question: We both look better than Jim Carrey in this picture.

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Beethoven video (or 'beat oven' for Pilkington fans): Interesting for about a minute, but after that...one trick pony. This doesn't surprise me -- Gene is not funny.

Liz Kelly: Well, I agree on your first point and disagree on the second.

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Beaker: I am in total agreement with you about the "Beethoven's 5th" video. I took the poll Mon. night and thought it amusing -- for about a minute. I tried to stay strong and finish it out, but it did me in at 2:13. I'd would've rather gouged out my own eyeballs than watch any more of it. You were so right and Gene was so wrong.

Liz Kelly: Thank you. Just filing these away.

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Seriously: I think men may marry Christie Brinkly thinking she's perfect, putting her on a pedestal. Then they're horrified to learn she's a real human with flaws and imperfections. She's not a pretty China doll you admire on a shelf, but a person with opinions, expections, her own ideas.

And she, may be attracted to real 'take charge' men, only to find out the price (being the "yes dear!" girl) is too high.

This last one, dating a teenager, ugh.

Liz Kelly: Right. In fact, that very image of Christie Brinkley was dissected at length in

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Gene Chatter Here: I did not like it and I told Gene so (not that he posted it). And I was a music major too so I think it's more snobbery in my case on top of it being boring, repetetive and not particularly innovative after about halfway through. I preferred the Disney Fantasia rendering myself of the two butterflies against the evil horde (mwa-ha-ha-ha!). But as per the video in question I also believe the woman did a better job by the mere fact she did not look at the camera constantly like the guy did (I forgot names and I'm too lazy to go refer to Gene's chat on this). His constant eyeing of the camera really took him out of the flow of the whole scene and any relationship he had with her. Even though some of the lady's actions didn't line up exactly to the music I thought she was far better.

Liz Kelly: Interesting because it seems most of the folks who actually liked the video liked it all the more because they appreciated classical music more than the average bear.

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Justin and Drew: Somehow I am really disappointed about this breakup. I know Drew is a little whacky, but he seemed kind of normal, and I thought perhaps she had a chance this time. Of course I guess this is a woman you married Tom Green....

Liz Kelly: See, that's how I felt when Drew broke up with Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti. They made a nice couple and managed to stick together for about five years.

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Upper Peninsula, Mich.: Hi Liz -- I watched that insane Sid Ceaser video once this week (well, not all of it) so puhleeze don't ask me to do it again. Like you (and unlike Gene) I found it tiresome to the Nth degree. It took a simple conceit, and stretched waaaaay beyond the 15 seconds it deserved. Okay, it was live TV or whatever, it still wasn't executed very well. I really thought it was something you'd see at an amateur talent show.

For real -- just thinking of it makes me tired and cranky. I need a mojito and a hover-round.

Liz Kelly: Don't worry! Not asking anyone who has already seen it to go through hell twice. Just included the link for the benefit of Celebritology Live chatters who don't also cross-pollinate Gene's chat.

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washingtonpost.com:

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Drew Barrymore had a thing with : Jane Pratt? Really?

Liz Kelly: So sayeth Jane Pratt. How sassy.

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Arlington, Va.: So what's the real scoop on David Lee Roth being pulled over in Canada for an "allergic reaction"?

Liz Kelly: The man is allergic to nuts. What more could there possibly be to this story?

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Why can't they keep a man? : The men they date can't seem to keep a woman either. Go figure.

Liz Kelly: Right. It takes two..

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Falls Church, Va.: "Why can't they keep a man" -- where are the "why can't he keep a woman" stories? Such a double standard that really makes me go ick.

Liz Kelly: Yes, it'd be a breath of fresh air to see a George Clooney "he can't keep a woman" story.

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Turnaround: What I want to know is, why can't John Mayer keep a woman?

Liz Kelly: Oh ick. What a player, that one. I hope poor Jen knows what she's getting into. He all but admitted that he hooks up with his fans. Eww.

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'Nother Gene Chatter Here: I happen to love classical music. Started attending Midsummer Mozart in SF when I was a teenager. Heck, I leave it playing all day on the XM or CD player for dog when we're at work...That said, I would MUCH rather read about or watch Mike Rowe than that video. I would MUCH rather just look at Daniel Craig, or ponder the train wreck that is Michael Jackson, or Christie Brinkley's marriage(s)...and your blog is the first thing I read at wpost.com everyday.

Liz Kelly: Makes sense to me.

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All About Conte, XT: As for the Beethoven's Fifth video. I liked it, I appreciated it. It went on far too long. It doesn't work for YouTube.

If I'm not mistaken, this was first done for live television and back in the 50s. It just doesn't work with our Internet-saturated generation that -- in any case -- has had decades to perfect channel surfing.

Now, if a couple of actors did this live, in front of me at, say, some crazy show at the Fringe Festival, or especially if they were doing it with a live orchestra, I think I would be entranced and it would be intensely silly and captivating. The work required to do get that timing would be immediately evident and a joy to watch unfold. This video ain't that.

So just because it could be great, or perhaps was great 50 years ago doesn't make it so online and now.

Liz Kelly: Right. That's what I'm thinking. The piece just doesn't hold up over time. I'm sure it was a sensation in 1953 or whenever, but it now carries the same heft as a Lucille Ball gag.

I said "Ball gag." Hunh.

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byool, IN: I liked Sid and Nan arguing to the tune of the Fifth.

But watching their make-up sex, to the tune of the Ninth's "Ode To Joy" was waaaaaay hotter than watching Verne Troyer getting it on with Ashley Dupre's unattractive cousin.

Also, today is Jessica Simpson's 28th birthday. Any guesses as to Tony Romo's karaoke selection tonight?

Liz Kelly: Well he's already serenaded her with "Sweet Child of Mine." Perhaps tonight he can branch out -- maybe a little Crue or Poison?

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Virginia: So can we classify Karl Rove as a diva now that he's ignored the subpoena? I figure while Rove isn't a celebrity you would probably be the expert on celebrity-diva-esque behavior and indications thereof.

washingtonpost.com: Rove Ignores Subpoena, Refuses to Testify (Post, July 10)

Liz Kelly: Dude, we come here to escape this stuff. Now take it away before we all get infected.

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Washington, D.C.: A friend of mine gets production contracts from Discovery from time to time, and she says that all the regular employees there love Mike Rowe -- he's the friendliest guy around, and every bit as cute in person. They do not, however, like Bear Grylls, or whatever his name is. Very full of himself.

Nothing earth shattering here. I just really like the guy. He wears his chest hair with pride. Looking forward to your interview.

Liz Kelly: I'll pass along your kind words. The ones about his chest hair.

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Tucson, Ariz.: I totally understand that celebrities use the media to sell tickets/CD's etc. ... but Whattup with Madonna-A-Rod scandal? Is she worried her new tour isnt' going to sell out?

Liz Kelly: It wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility. After all, Madonna's publicist -- Liz Rosenberg -- is one of the most practiced out there. I hardly think she'd let this get as out of control as it has if Madge weren't enjoying experiencing a little bump in interest from it all.

You know who I hope is enjoying it? David Banda. It's just all so novel for him.

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Cleveland Park, D.C. -- Tom and Nicole's Kids: Has anyone gotten the skinny on what Nicole's realtionship with her two oldest children from the marriage with Tom Cruise is? It seems strange that he has the primary custody and that they are home schooled. Was this part of the deal to get her out of Scientology?

Liz Kelly: I haven't checked on their whereabouts in a few months, but I think Connor and Isabella basically live with Tom. They go to school in L.A. and, if I'm not mistaken, are being raised in as Scientologists. I'm sure whatever the case, Tom and Nicole have put the interests of the kids first. Maybe it's better for them to remain in one place and not be constantly dragged back and forth between two very different lives.

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Washington, D.C.: Liz, I have to call you out on last week's chum-to-sharks question on celebrities having babies. It's such an obviously dumb topic. Change up the demographic of people who 'might' raise messed-up kids and you'd have a class war on your hands. That sort of chat-baiting seems beneath you. What gives?

Liz Kelly: Okay, this might be better answered as a comment box, but to quickly address it I think you're reading more into my observation than is there. I merely asked if maybe one should think twice before bringing kids into an environment where adults and kids alike are stalked by ethic-less camera wielding paparazzi 24/7. And I don't think that "celebrity" is an apples to apples comparison with other demographics, so I'm not sure your argument holds water.

So I guess I stand by the topic and my musings about it.

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Arlington, Va.: Please counter icky Rove reference with new picture of your kitty. Need a boost today!

Liz Kelly: No kitty pix today, but I do have a hot off the presses pic of the lovely "Carm Down Fatty" bookmark crafted by Celebritology regular RiverCityRoller. It's loverly.

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mmmmmmMike Rowe: Please ask Mr. Rowe if he likes chubby girls with big shoes who's parents went to the same high school as he did. Then send him my way no matter the answer. Thanks!

Liz Kelly: Okay, this is starting to sound like a fetish question, so I think I'll pass.

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Lohans: Liz, at the risk of waking up luvlinsey, have you heard Alli Lohan's new R and B "single"? I don't understand how people like her get recording contracts. Who on earth is going to buy her record? Do they think she's going to be the next hip-hop or R and B star? I don't know why, but I don't think they're going to start playing her music on BET.

Liz Kelly: I have deliberately not listened to it. The only thing I want from younger celeb siblings is a young pregnancy (see Simpson, Ashlee and Spears, Jamie Lynn). Once Ali gets with the program, then we'll talk.

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Anonymous: Commenting on the Beethoven's Fifth video is tricky, because it was a much different era. Because so much TV was live, they did longer segments just to fill the time. And if you didn't have the patience to watch it, tough, there were like 2 other channels to choose from or else you could tat some antimacassars or whatever they did back then. So it's like putting down minstrel shows or sexist movies, those were the times and we can't judge those times through our standards now. Even those who lived through the era have had their attention span affected by media as it is today.

Liz Kelly: Right -- it isn't necessarily fair to judge something made 60 years ago by today's standards until a Pulitzer Prize-winning Post columnist starts holding it up as the greatest thing since "Citizen Kane."

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Angelina Jolie: I can't believe I'm asking a work-related question in the Celebritology chat, but Angelina Jolie is a member of the Council on Foreign Relations, right?

Liz Kelly: Yes indeed. She cochairs CFR's Education Partnership for Children of Conflict.

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Wetting Pants, Va.: Carm Down, Fatty makes me laugh every single time you write it. So thanks for that.

Liz Kelly: Thank RCR.

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Chat Bait: That's a pretty clever turn of phrase, "chat bait." There are so many applications...perhaps Lindsay Lohan or Jamie Lynn Spears would qualify as Chat Bait.

I thought I read some speculation as to whether the Scientology rumblings re: Will Smith might negatively affect the 'Hancock' box office. He appears to have answered that question.

Liz Kelly: Right. I guess he's also answered whether or not turning out a sub-par movie, described by The Post's Stephen Hunter as "indigestible," might negatively affect the "Hancock" box office, too.

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Arlington, Va.: Love the bookmark! Thanks for sharing -- It's hilarious -- and well-timed since I had a Double cheese and large fries from Chez Mac for lunch. Ah...I can feel the stress go away...

Liz Kelly: Man, I'm a vegetarian and all, but something about the way you said "double cheese and large fries" just made my stomach leap. Or maybe it was lurching. I'm not sure yet.

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Access Hollywood: It seemed out of character for Sen. Obama to have his daughters interviewed on Access Hollywood, which is hardly a kid-centric, journalistically responsible venue. He appeared to have thought better of it later, but it was an odd misstep. (Figuring it's okay to submit this because Obama sometimes seems as much a celeb as a politician.)

Liz Kelly: Yep, he did get some flack for that decision and now says he won't allow it to happen again. I like Obama, but I have to agree that it was a bad decision to let them be interviewed on "Access Hollywood" -- or really anywhere at their ages.

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15th and L: Any news on Patrick Swayze? Is it true that "pain don't hurt?"

Liz Kelly: Apparently Patrick is doing well. Good for him. He's also been named "Best Big Screen Kisser" by some group that invented a National Kissing Day. For the kiss in "Ghost," that is.

Coincidentally, rather than shlep downtown on the 4th, Mr. Liz and I spent the evening here with Mighty Appetite blogger Kim O'Donnel and her husband watching "Dirty Dancing."

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Batman: Are folks more or less likely to view The Dark Knight because it is Heath Ledger's last performance? Trailer leaves me conflicted.

Liz Kelly: I'm going to go ahead and guess more likely. Especially since he's getting a lot of early buzz as a posthumous Oscar contender.

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And if you didn't have the patience to watch it, tough, there were like 2 other channels to choose from: plus you had to git yer butt up off the sofa and WALK to the TV to change the channel. Real incentive to watch the whole skit.

Liz Kelly: Well, that is until the remote that was attached to the TV by a long cord was invented. We had one of those with our Betamax.

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Celebritology home page: Liz, how often do you read the comments on the blog? Do you read them throughout the day? Only the first couple? Just curious.

Liz Kelly: I try to read them all. I'm not always successful, but I try. And not because I have to -- because I don't -- but because you guys are funnier than I and I always laugh or learn something.

awww...

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McLean, Va.: Do you think that your fascination with the sordid lives of celebrities has anything to do with all that mold in your basement?

Liz Kelly: Someone needs to stop exploring my flickr account. Stalker!

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Allentown, Pa.: I'm sick of outlets like the L.A. Times lumping Levi together with Sunday as a recent wacky baby name.

Levi was Jacob's third son in the Book of Genesis. Most of the commonplace names today have biblical roots.

Liz Kelly: Has anyone stopped to think that maybe Matthew just really likes his 501s?

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Wish I was invited to Chis Kattan's wedding!: Parker Posey as Best Man; Dratch and Ferrell in attanedance to bring the funny; Thomas Jane and Eric Dane for eye candy; and Charlie Sheen for a dose of weird intensity. Must have been a blast!

Chris Kattan's Wedding (In Touch, July 10)

Liz Kelly: Seriously. I wish I'd been there, too.

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Virginia is Sorry: See? This is how sorry I am for the Rove thing. I Can Has Cheezburger

Liz Kelly: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

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More ponies: I'm going to Assateague tomorrow to play with the wild ponies! Yay. Think I can bring one home with me?

Liz Kelly: Only if you are really into the smell of dried feces.

Trust me, those ponies are cute, but you need some kind of breathing apparatus to get close to them.

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Is TMZ on TV on i's way out?: What used to be fun snark now just seems forced and pathetic between the lame paps ambushing old stars with video cameras, and the Levin bullpen acting too cool for school.

Are people over this yet?

Liz Kelly: Good question. I'm pretty over TMZ.com myself and never watch the TV version. Though I thought perhaps it was just content overload in my case.

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Washington, D.C.: I don't like the idea of a posthumous Oscar. It should go to someone who would enjoy it, and enjoy the resulting career bump.

Liz Kelly: I dunno -- it should go to the best performance, whether the actor is still alive at the time of the vote or not. And I'm sure it will because the academy always picks the right winner. Ahem.

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The Assateague Ponies: Can actually be a nuisance. We camped there once and the ponies wandered into the campsite and were kind of frightening. Not at all like Misty. But that has nothing to do with celebrities.....

Liz Kelly: Well, not yet it doesn't, but I'm sure we can figure out a way to tie them in. Maybe someone has a story about similarly annoying celebs ruining a camping trip? I know I'd be annoyed to find Mary-Kate Olsen eating my food in the middle of the night.

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Liz Kelly: Did I just write that? I think I need a nap.

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Dupont Circle - A-Rod is crazy: What sane person who has been alive over the past 20 years would actually believe Madonna is their soulmate?

A-Rod Said He Was "in Love With Madonna" (Us Magazine, July 9)

Liz Kelly: Well, Guy Ritchie for one.

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Liz, Liz, Liz...: The video was great! To me, it showed how much our attention spans have deteriorated over the past fifty years---it's unimaginable that this would be aired today. This was live TV and very clever for its time. Okay, I'll admit, I found it long, but was rewarded for sticking it through, since I thought the ending was very clever.

Liz Kelly: No, no, no -- it shows that TV viewers were willing to put up with a lot more (or a lot less) 50 years ago. I think we still have attention spans despite what MTV and the Web have done to turn us into a society of instant gratification junkies. Why, only last night I watched an entire hour-long episode of "L.A. Ink."

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Chicago, Ill.: A little off topic ... but are there any plans to revive the Lost Book Club? I really enjoyed it last summer. I read books that otherwise I never would have read, and it was fun thinking about the Lost connections.

Liz Kelly: Yes, we'll be back in August. Jen and I should be announcing the first book selection soon. Stay tuned!

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Burbank, Calif.: Hi Liz!

re: the Sid Caesar clip, I'd be curious to know if those who hated it also hate old black and white movies from the 30's and 40's. They seem terribly slow and outdated when you watch them now, but part of the reason I said that I enjoyed the clip on Gene's poll is that for the time, it was pretty brilliant. I can see why it wouldn't be revered in today's fast-paced, iPod, high-def generation expectations, you know?!

Love your work!!

Liz Kelly: I can only speak for myself and I'm a classic movie junkie. So I don't think it's the age of the clip so much as te fact that it isn't timeless.

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Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: Which is worse: watching the Beethoven's Fifth video or seeing Mr. Liz in pleated pants?

Liz Kelly: Now you've got me there. I'd have to say watching the video while sitting next to a Mr. Liz in pleated pants.

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Posthumous Oscars?: How many posthumous Oscars have been awarded, if any? It's not like the Nobel Prize, where you do still have to be alive, is it?

Liz Kelly: I'm not sure if this is correct, but a quick Google search turns up one posthumous acting Oscar: Peter Finch for his role in "Network."

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Portland, Ore.: I don't get the hub-bub about the name "Sunday" as a wacky celebrity name. A bit unusual, but it's no Apple or Shiloh. My sister's name is Tuesday so I think I'm biased. If my dad had won out her name would have been "Nixie," so she has my mom to thank that she's not a stripper.

Liz Kelly: My dad wanted to name me Belle.

Belle Kelly.

Luckily, mom won.

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Washington, D.C.: Every time I try to keep a woman, the police tell me I have to give her back....

Liz Kelly: And on that note, I think we'll wrap for the day. See you here next week and tomorrow in the blog.

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