Celebritology Live: Paris Hilton Pokes Fun at McCain; Morgan Freeman's Accident

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon one and all. Welcome back to our little weekly program -- where no story is too big or too small for discussion.

I'm sure everyone will be:

-- happy to learn that Morgan Freeman checked out of the hospital this afternoon. We wish him a speedy recovery.

-- surprised to learn that Jamie-Lynn Spears took her seven-week-old baby shopping at the Kentwood, La., Wal-Mart. Gotta build that brand loyalty young.

-- And, finally, relieved to learn that Tara Reid is not 'Dancing With the Stars' material.

Let's get started...

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Falls Church, Va.: Liz, what do you think of Mary Kate asking for immunity in Heath Ledger's case? If she did nothing wrong was does she have to be worried about? Or does she? Hmmm....

washingtonpost.com: Lawyer: Mary-Kate Olsen Doesn't Know Source of Heath Ledger's Drugs (Us Magazine, Aug. 4)

Liz Kelly: Well, it's all a wash now that the Feds dropped the entire investigation today. It was as if, met with MK's resistance, they just threw in the towel.

And that may not be so far off the mark. If they were grasping at Mary-Kate as their star witness -- or even as a target of their investigation -- she and her lawyer seem to have been prepared to entirely disabuse them of that notion.

Also, I hear that the prosecutor is a really big "Full House" fan from way back.

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Rockville, Md.: I have to admit it -- Luke's Parental Advisory made me laugh harder than any reality TV show in history. I hope they can keep it up.

Liz Kelly: Did you watch? Give me a one or two sentence review? After watching Pam and Diddy for 90 minutes, I just couldn't take any more.

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Did anyone else whine about this or is it just, ME: Liz Kelly, I was hurt and upset and devastated and on my way out the door anyway when I got this message from the upgraded software yesterday:

"Your comment submission failed for the following reasons:

"Too many comments have been submitted from you in a short period of time. Please try again in a short while."

("Too many" = 6 in 54-odd minutes.)

You know, a lot of your regular losers commenters are just 'so darn clever' that a limit like that forces them to face the realities of their day jobs stifles their creativity.

Can't we post as often as we want, at least until we get over this whole Paris-for-President thing? I promise we'll govern ourselves with tact and dignity.

Liz Kelly: I did not hear about this, but it is a matter of gravest import to our thriving community and, as such, I will send it up the pole to the tech gurus and get an answer. How are we supposed to have a daily back and forth if one side of the conversation is essentially gagged?

Hey, wait a minute...

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Bawlmer: Thoughts on the Anderson Cooper/Lohan dustup? Apparently Cooper again expressed his concern over having a 14 -ear-old appear on reality television, and Michael fired back by calling Anderson an "opinionated, hypocritical idiot." Mmm, classy.

Liz Kelly: Well, like any sane person I of course agree with Anderson. I think what he said was, "I cannot believe I'm wasting a minute of my life watching these horrific people" and then goes on to call 16-year-old Ali a publicity [derogatory term], ably aided by her stage mother, Dinah. Obviously, I'm paraphrasing.

Here's the video.

And it was actually papa Michael -- who is persona non grata in Ali and Dinah's life -- who called Cooper a "hypocrite" -- saying Cooper has "his own issues."

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M Street, Washington, D.C.: I have to say the blog takes some "interesting" turns when it gets overrun by people posting political stuff -- someone is actually debunking Paris Hilton's energy policy!

It makes me realize the world is a scary place. Thank NPH I have my pony to keep me safe.

Liz Kelly: Yes, I love that some commenters are referring to Paris's scripted thoughts as "The Hilton Plan." It just makes her sound so gosh darned legitimate. I half expect her to turn up at the next IMF meeting or in Iran on a diplomatic mission. It's a little jarring.

All this time I thought "The Hilton Plan" was more like:

1. Be born to wealth.
2. Be hot.
3. Dance on tables.
4. Come up with viral catch-phrase (i.e. "That's hot.")
5. Get hair extensions.
6. date a Madden brother.
7. Film reality show.
8. Return to no. 1 and start over.

Liz Kelly: Actually, Jen Chaney and I were just discussing the fact that Paris doesn't come off as a total moron in her video response to McCain.

Which means she's either:
a. Not a total moron.
b. Able to read lines and regurgitate them as if she actually understood what she is talking about. Which puts her one ahead of George W. Bush.

It would just be fascinating if this clip ushered in a new era: Paris the Scholar, in which we find that she's not a hair-brained heiress after all, but a wit on the scale of Andy Kaufman: she's just been having us on this entire time, creating a vapid public-digestable character.

We could create a whole secret Paris Hilton diary in which she vents her intellectual spleen regularly, since her "character" is only able to half-smile and giggle most of the time.

Okay, I need to move on.

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Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: So Tara Reid is not Dancing with the Stars material, nut Kim Kardashian is. I can't wait to see Kim's butt dancing choreography.

Liz Kelly: Right. See, even in the land of skanks, there is a hierarchy.

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Richmond, Va.: So, Morgan Freeman has a car wreck AND he's getting divorced. Worst week ever? I hope the female friend in the car doesn't have anything to do with the marriage breaking up.

Liz Kelly: We don't have any details at this point, so I wouldn't want to speculate. Also, I'm not so sure I care. He's a grown man.

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Gainesville, Fla.: Any speculation on possible relations between Freeman's accident and the timing of his divorce announcement -- kinda suprising considering almost a quarter of century of staying together? Or is it really just a bad year for Morgan? I mean... Wanted... really?... come on.

Liz Kelly: I think the accident probably led to this information being leaked out, yes indeed.

But at least from what I read, Morgan and his wife of 20-odd years have actually been living separately for the past year. And while there may have been no reason to make that public before, speculation about Morgan's female car companion had many looking into her identity and relationship with the actor. So the information was "leaked" by a business partner of Morgan's and now we know -- even Morgan Freeman is human.

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Arlington Kevin Smith fan : Posting early because I can't check the chat at work (boo)...

This is actually for Jen. I just wanted her to know that I was so bummed about Kevin Smith not making the interview he had scheduled with Jen at Comic-Con that I posted to his message board about it. Here's hoping that he will schedule (and show up for) an interview with The Post when Zack and Miri comes out this fall!

Liz Kelly: I passed your note along to Jen and she wanted me to share this with you:

Thanks for posting a note on the board, that's very kind of you. I am hoping Mr. Smith will come to Washington(post.com) for a discussion of some sort in the near future. If something arises, we will certainly let you know.

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Arlington, Va.: re: the comments upgrade. I was really hoping the psycho commenters on the political blogs would magically disappear after the software upgrade, but I guess I was just hoping for too much.

Anyway, I've noticed on several blogs (including yours) that it will say there are a certain number of comments, like say 6, but when you click to read them there are actually way more than 6. Not the biggest problem in the world, but if I'm about to wade into a morass of hundreds of bkd-type comments, it would be better to be forewarned.

Thanks.

Liz Kelly: I think part of the upgrade involved migrating the blogs to new servers -- note the url has changed from blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology to voices.washingtonpost.com/celebritology, so they are still working to reconcile comments made on both versions.

Okay, the previous sentence was way too techy and corp-speak for my taste. I need to go read OK! magazine for 30 minutes to deprogram. Or reprogram, depending on how you look at it.

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Pennsylvania: Hi Liz! At the risk of being thrown off the chat by those who want it free of politics, I have a question about John Edwards. In Shailagh Murray's politics chat earlier today, someone mentioned a "John Edwards sex scandal." I hadn't heard of anything such thing (sounds like she hadn't either). Do we know anything about this?

Liz Kelly: It's more of a baby scandal, but I suppose the fact that a purported "love child" allegedly exists implies that some sex was indeed being had. And considering that John Edwards is a supposedly happily-married former presidential candidate from South Carolina, that would make the sex pretty scandalous at that.

I've been avoiding this one in the blog since I figured it would be covered elsewhere to better effect. Rocci will provide a link to the appropriate rag that claims to have photographic evidence that not only has John Edwards held a baby, he's held a baby while wearing a sweaty blue T-shirt.

Liz Kelly: I'm told we're actually not allowed to link to it, but a quick Google search on "John Edwards love child" will bring up the appropriate link for any interested parties out there.

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MK's Immunity: I don't know... if cops can burst into your home and kill your dogs (while one is running away, mind you) and handcuff your mother-in-law, well then maybe immunity is necessary. She didn't know what they'd come up with, and maybe she wanted to protect herself from their stupidity. And, believe me, I am not an Olsen defender.

Liz Kelly: I think you are an Olsen defender. Why not just admit it?

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byool, IN.: Liz Kelly, what is it about your use of the word "highbrow" in the title of your posts that seems to bring out the opposite tenor in the discussions?

Are you using that word ironically and I'm missing it, or should you start calling those posts "T--- and A--"?

Also, I agree with what '...or is it just, ME' said.

Liz Kelly: Now there's a thought...

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LAX: Enough about celebrities, how about an Andy update (including picture).

Liz Kelly: No new pics to share -- I'll take some for next week. But Andy has been a bit of a pill for the past week or so. He's gotten hyper-aggressive and it's mainly directed at me. One second he'll be fin -- typical chilled out cat gratefully accepting a head rub. The next he is launching himself at me or chasing me around the house, looking incredibly irked.

We actually have friends visiting from California and they are scared of the cat. I can't tell you how many times I've said, "He's usually a really nice cat."

Sigh.

The vet thinks it might be the fact that he's been on steroids for over a month now. Basically 'roid rage. We're going to work on weaning him off and hoping that his allergies stay under control.

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Groovis: Coincidence? Morgan Freeman films a movie with Angelina Jolie and suddenly he and his wife of 20-some years are separated.....

Liz Kelly: Oh stop it!

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Nosy Parker: Last Friday you woodshedded me but good for having sent you a question on the previous day's online chat re Paris or Britney's possible political leanings, in the wake of the McCain ad picturing them as, gasp, celebs.

Then today you wrote in your Highbrow, "it turns out Hilton had contributed funds to the McCain campaign in the past."

Guess I was just ahead of the curve!

Liz Kelly: Not so fast -- it turns out Paris Hilton's mother has contributed to the McCain campaign. Read more closely.

And I'm sorry about the whole woodshed thing.

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Atlanta, Ga.: I really wanted to not like the Paris spoof since she seems to represent all that is wrong with our society. So what does it mean that I didn't hate it and thought it was clever? Chalk it up to good writing and hold on to my judgments? This is just too much!

Liz Kelly: Yes, exactly -- don't let Paris fool you. Despite my fantasy of a secretly in-on-the-joke Paris, the reality is that she's probably blissfully unaware of the cost of a tank of gas and doesn't know any more today about the campaign than she did last week.

What she is, though, is capable of reading and memorizing a well-written script. So if you want to like someone, like the guy (or gal) behind the camera.

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Paris: Somewhere in your steps, you forgot "make dirty video in nightvision that (oops!) goes public."

Anyway, I don't pay much attention to her (and never watched her TV show) but I've always had a feeling that she might actually be pretty smart, and is just playing a role. If not book smart, at least quite media-savvy. And that's where McCain's campaign made a mistake -- don't take a public jab at someone who is far better than you at media play and image management. Sure, her video was scripted by others, but you have to give her some credit for understanding how to seize a free opportunity, and for having a sense of humor about herself. Clearly, her main motivation was to get herself back in the news and promote her own "brand," but it had the secondary benefit of delivering a smackdown to someone who thought he could denigrate her with impunity. Good for her.

Liz Kelly: Sure, she seized an opportunity -- but lets not assume the video was Paris's brainstorm. I'm guessing it was thunk up by someone at FunnyorDie.com and she was presented with the opportunity. Only then did that genius for self-marketing kick in and make the right decision.

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Los Angeles, Calif.: Why would anyone want to ever do a remake of "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill?" when the original is such a classic? And to do it with Britney Spears? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Liz Kelly: I agree. As much as I want to trust Quentin Tarantino, I just have a hard time stomaching the idea of making that movie, which, along with "Mudhoney" were just incredible Russ Meyer movies. I get that Tarantino has a special place in his heart for the flicks, but why not doing something "in the style of" rather than an outright remake?

Also, I think Quentin's half of "Grindhouse" stink stank stunk, so it has me a bit worried. Not to mention the rumors of Britney's casting.

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Inquiring Minds: I guess you missed Bear Grylls cooking and eating the skunk on "Man vs. Wild" last night? Ewww.

Liz Kelly: I did. Mr. Liz and I have been watching the first seasons on DVD of "30 Rock" and "Mad Men."

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State College, Pa.: The House Republicans doing the dog-and-pony show just brought up "The Paris Hilton Energy Plan".

Hilton-Spears '08!

BTW, Cillizza's in Argentina. Ed O'Keefe is blogsitting this week.

Liz Kelly: That Cillizza, he moves to quickly for mere mortals to keep up.

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Enquiring Minds: Liz:

Why won't The Post let you link to the National Enquirer's John Edwards story? The Rumor Mill section of Celebritology links to sketchily sourced stories from scurrilous sources all the time. What's special about the Edwards story that puts it out of bounds?

Liz Kelly: I dunno. Different editor making a different call. One that I will definitely seek clarity about after this hour is up. I just don't want to get a producer in trouble to prove a point.

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Falls Church, Va.: Liz, what was going on Wednesday... I couldn't find your blog/daily mix. It is the first thing I read once I get to work. How was I supposed to get thru the day?! Please say you won't do this to us again!

Liz Kelly: Someone doesn't read carefully -- I posted a note on the Tuesday blog entries letting everyone know that (for what I'm sure is a very good reason) our tech gurus decided to upgrade our backend blog software in the middle of the week, rather than on a weekend. The upgrade meant no posting by me and no commenting from you.

Though I did get up a mix as soon as we were back in business -- around 2:30 p.m. yesterday.

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TV: So I'm curious, what reality TV are you watching these days?

Liz Kelly: Ya know, I think I'm back down to "Cops" at this point. Neither Pam nor Diddy impressed me enough to keep watching.

Anyone have any recommendations?

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The evil genius behind the Paris video: is Adam McKay: Behind the Paris-McCain ad with creator Adam McKay (L.A. Times, Aug. 5)

Liz Kelly:

There you go -- this is the guy to whom you should be giving props.

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Truly matrimonial material?: Reese and Jake? Jen and John Mayer? Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo?

Liz Kelly: Ummm... none of the above. Though matrimonial speculation has swirled around all three couples in the past week.

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Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: What about those shoes that Paris Hilton was wearing in her parody campaign advertisement?

Liz Kelly: Well, I'm glad you mentioned those shoes. It seems she was wearing high heels, yet, their effect was totally canceled out by the fact that she had the heels stuck through the bottom of the deck chair. That, more than anything else, was a big blow to the "Hilton Plan" credibility. If she can waste inches of heel so casually, why should we trust her with energy policy?

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Paris: Geez, and here I was thinking she would be hosting seminars on energy policy at the Brookings Institute and American Enterprise Institute before the campaign ended? Or a town hall meeting on Rodeo Drive where Obama wore a jeweled flag pin and McCain was in biker duds?

Liz Kelly: McCain in biker duds? Ewww. I just had a vision of him wearing chaps and it wasn't a pretty picture.

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Boulder, Colo.: Please don't ever refer to Paris Hilton as a scholar...she didn't even finish high school for Pete's sake!

Liz Kelly: Listen you self-important intellectual, maybe Paris is a student of life.

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Jes: Re: Paris may be smart, isn't media savvy just another way of saying publicity wh-re? And really how smart does one need to be?

Liz Kelly: Right. I mean, even Tara Reid still gets regular rotation in the tabloids. And, umm, today's chat.

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Arlington, Va.: No question, I just wanted to spice up my day by getting posted in your chat. You rock! You are totally HAWT!

Liz Kelly: I read your posting too fast and that last word alarmed me greatly at first, until I realized it was just situational dyslexia.

So, thanks. I think.

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Synthesizing politics, fashion AND Celebritology: We need a survey of which potential vice presidential nominees wear flat-fronts, and which wear pleats.

Liz Kelly: I'll get right on that.

Or perhaps this is a job for Ed O'Keefe.

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2 things: If this were Russia, Putin would already have gotten Paris into the government and speaking of "why are they doing this?" remakes, I just saw trailer for "The Day the Earth Stood Still"

An absolute tragedy

Liz Kelly: Oh, the trailer -- I had to sit through an entire panel at Comic-Con. Don't even get me started.

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Liz Kelly: My friend Lisa Todorovich, who is smart, just reminded me that John Edwards is from N. Carolina, not South (though he was born in S.C.).

I would like to point out to Lisa and her big brain that I know exactly where Paris Hilton is from.

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Washington, D.C.: I heard last night on Access or ET that the Faster Pussycat rumor was untrue. Britney will not be in the movie.

Liz Kelly: Well, if Access Hollywood said so, then I can sleep comfortably tonight.

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washingtonpost.com: The Day the Earth Stood Still/Trailer #1

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Love Lizzzzz!: So glad to have you back and be off that Comic-Con stuff! My office mates and I are thinking of going in together to share a subscription to Us Weekly, People or something like that. Which would be your first choice for gossip rag delivered to your desk?

Liz Kelly: Well, here's my philosophy:

I read online -- all of the major gossip glossies have pretty good Web sites with lots of value-added content. But if I just happen to see an interesting cover on the newsstand or in the grocery aisle, I spring for it then and there. I am just out of control spontaneous like that.

Also, producer Rocci regularly buys the real down and dirty tabloids, so I sneak a peek at those while visiting his desk.

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M Street, Washington, D.C.: Speaking of standing still, do you think anyone would notice if Keanu was replaced by a mannequin in any of his roles? Or CGI'd entirely in some parts, like Brandon Lee in the Crow?

Liz Kelly: I think it would be noticeable because the mannequin might just out-act him.

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Media savvy: I guess I see some difference between someone who loves publicity but doesn't seem to have control over it (Britney?) and someone who seems to have a strategy. Paris is the epitome of someone who's famous for being famous (unlike Britney, who actually had a successful music career for a while (note I didn't say she was good)), and I don't think it's just happenstance. I give her credit for making that happen -- she made an industry out of ... what? Not talent, not really looks (she's no more attractive than 100 other would-be starlets), not anything you can specifically identify.

Liz Kelly: Right. I think it's a case of the world being ripe for someone like Paris and her coming along at the right time. Preparation (in the form of hair extensions and partying) meeting opportunity (the expanding gossip news audience).

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Britney needs to take a page from Paris' playbook: Given that Britney is from Louisiana, which has lots of offshore oil-drilling, when are we going to hear about her energy plan for the country?

Liz Kelly: As I said in my main piece this morning, Brit has remained silent on the ad. I'm guessing she's trying to get "The Spears Plan" fully vetted before sharing it with the rest of us.

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Fruitfly: C-O-P-S! Cops, Cops, Cops!

There's John Edwards Love Child commentary happening over at the XXFactor blog on Slate.com, too -- much of it about why the "Mainstream Press" isn't working the story.

Liz, doesn't The Enquirer have a history of breaking stories that actually turn out to be legit and picked up by MSM outlets later?

Liz Kelly: They sure do. Of course no examples come to mind right now, but given a little time I could come up with a nice list of stories the Enquirer brought us first.

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Arlington, Va.: Quentin Tarentino is a tiresome blowhard. He should have quit after Pulp Fiction.

Liz Kelly: No way. The "Kill Bill" movies were incredible -- in fact, I'd say better than "Pulp Fiction."

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Alexandria, Va.: Liz, I caught this quote in Howard Kurtz's Media Notes this a.m. and I nearly hurt myself laughing. Quasi-celebrity Creationist Ben Stein has apparently had it up to HERE with a certain fun-loving heiress and decided to tell her off in the American Spectator, even though she didn't even start it! Just a quick excerpt: "This little tramp, who isn't even close to being pretty [!], is belittling a man who spent six years in brutal captivity for defending his country. . . . Paris, get this: in modern day America, we don't . . . make fun of old people for being old. This is uncool from any source. It is downright disgusting coming from a porn star -- and not a very good porn star at that (yes, I have seen the tape). And we especially don't like being told how to vote by porn stars."

Oooh, she struck a nerve!

How can anyone -- even a right wing nut such as this one -- not realize how badly this makes HIM, and his favored candidate, look? Noooooo sense of humor. They tried to use Ms. Hilton, exploiting her image shamelessly, to cast shame on someone else and score points, and then she turned around, shrugged, and made a funny (a very funny funny) and in response -- well one can almost see this guy flailing and sputtering. She should be ASHAMED, yet she ISN'T!

For some reason my heart just took wing when I read this and I've been giggling ever since. I hope your pal Gene sees it.

Liz Kelly: I don't have anything to add, but couldn't agree with you more.

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TV Recommendations: "Flipping Out" -- I think the season's over but Bravo will probably rebroadcast. That guy is totally anal retentive.

"Mythbusters" -- Just started a new season. (I like to see stuff being blown up.)

Liz Kelly: Cool. Mr. Liz tried to get me to watch "I Love Money" last week. It's a competition show on VH1 that pits former reality "stars" from past shows (like "Rock of Love") against each other. Ugh.

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Las Vegas: The Enquirer is the tip sheet of choice for anyone running a Celebrity Ghoul Pool.

Liz Kelly: Right.

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Washington, D.C.: I think most folks would agree with me (whether or not they've seen The Wire) that the guy who plays Stringer Bell is smokin' hot.

Thanks to you and your obsession, I noticed that he wears a LOT of pleated pants. I decided that these do not diminish his hotness.

So I can comfortably go back to not caring about pleats versus flat-fronts. Even though Mike Rowe had a funny take on it.

Liz Kelly: Good for you. I'd also like to point out that Nathan Fillion has also come out strongly against pleats.

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Paris vid: who sits on one of those chaise lounges without some kind of cushion or, at minimum, a beach towel? You KNOW Paris wouldn't abide the discomfort OR the stripes left on the backs of her thighs.

Liz Kelly: Well, I can tell you that's the first thing that crossed my mind when I first saw the video. Then I moved on to wondering whether or not that pool had recently been serviced.

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Pleated pants: Liz - I don't know if you noticed but Obama wore pleated khakis while during his world tour. Have you noticed if McCain favors pleated or flat-fronts? This might be the deciding factor in my vote.

Liz Kelly: I'm sure Obama's pleats are merely a strategic attempt to appeal to the common man. He couldn't possibly be wearing them out of personal preference. Not with a wife like Michelle by his side.

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Cleveland, Ohio: Love this -- Celebs We Prefer Dirty: our beloved 'Lost' cast gets a group nod: Hot and Dirty (MSN)

Liz Kelly: Oh my. Well, I guess we'll end on this today since no one will return once clicking through to this gallery.

See you here next week and tomorrow in the blog...

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