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Reality, Non-Reality and Everything In-Between

Lisa de Moraes
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, August 15, 2008 1:00 PM

Post TV columnist Lisa de Moraes was online Friday, Aug. 15 at 1 p.m. ET to critique China's Olympic fakery and reactions to it, expose NBC's fraudulent "live" Games tags, and wonder whether people will fall for ABC's noble bid to simultaneously promote reducing gas consumption and increasing TV consumption.

The transcript follows.

Lisa Blogs From the Press Tour | TV columns | On TV discussion transcripts.

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

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"Kath & Kim": I'm betting this lasts no more than two episodes. The commercials are awful!

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. Selma Blair, who plays Kim on the series even though she's too old for the role and is only slightly younger than Molly Shannon who plays Kath, suggests it will help if you watch the show while squinting your eyes so as not to notice. Anyway, NBC is so late getting TV critics the first episodes of its series it's starting to smell like those studios that don't let critics see a film before it's release because they know it's a stinker. After a particularly nasty Q&A session on another new NBC series "Kings," I asked NBC series development chief Ben Silverman at the press tour why we hadn't yet seen any first-episodes of the new NBC shows. Given that NBC got a one-month jump on CBS setting its fall schedule, it amused me that CBS got all its pilots to critics before the press tour, but NBC had none. Anyway, he said it's because when you go straight-to-series, after you shoot the first episode of said series, you let it "breathe" for a month. Yes, he really did.

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Brooklyn, N.Y.: Hi Lisa. My sister and I love "Swingtown" -- will it be gone for good after CBS hopefully shows the three remaining episodes?

Lisa de Moraes: Don't hold your breath on this one coming back ... sorry

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Springfield, Mass.: Hello Lisa. I think you may be tired of "Law & Order" but I wonder if you have any idea how Chris Noth will be written out of the "Criminal Intent" series. I could not watch the Jesse L. Martin episode. They have been on the air so long its like we know them and we are growing old together. Thanks.

Lisa de Moraes: I suggested a hail of bullets, but no one listened. It was Noth's second tour of duty on "Law & Order" and enough Mike Logan is enough. But really, change is good. Especially when it involves the fabulous Jeff Goldblum. I will start watching regularly again.

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New York, N.Y.: Just an observation from one of I presume several thousands of others who attempt to watch shows they never watched during the regular season during summer reruns: "Prison Break" seems it might be interesting, but I have no clue who anyone is, why they are doing whatever it is they are doing, why they are in prison, although I understand why they may want out. Isn't there a problem for some of these serial dramas that it is hard to increase an audience after a certain number of weeks as it all is too confusing for anyone new to view? By contrast, I could jump into "Ugly Betty" and more quickly gather who is who and appreciate that show, as it seemed less reliant on understanding who all the characters are to follow an episode.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, some of these shows are completely inaccessible to people who have not been watching from the start. Networks first seemed to think this was terrific, but now seem to be backpedaling. This year's crop of serialized shows are not going to be so, um, serialized. Frankly, with "Prison Break" the less you know the better...

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Bethesda, Md.: Hi Lisa. Has NBC already secured the broadcast rights for 2012 London Olympics? I've been sick of NBC's allocating a lot of time to beach volleyball, swimming and Bob Costas.

Lisa de Moraes: Why do the women wear bikinis to play beach volleyball but the men are shorts instead of Speedos, and shirts for god's sake -- and some with sleeves! It's completely unfair if not downright sexist. Why shouldn't female viewers get the same viewing pleasure from beach volleyball as male viewers get. I'm outraged...

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LLL: I went to YouTube to find video clips of certain performances, like the male Chinese competitor who won the gold for best overall gymnast. Every time I'd get to a video, it had been removed "due to copyright violations." Not only on YouTube -- Google videos, Mahalo, MySpace Videos, etc. I have a feeling NBC has a full-time, 24-hour manned staff of 20 or more people who do nothing but troll the Web for Olympic footage. Admittedly, they paid a lot for the rights, but it's not like they're giving us the option to view individual performances on their Web site -- we either have to see it live or see the first and only repeat the next cycle, or miss the event entirely. No need to be stingy about it.

Lisa de Moraes: When you've paid $200 gazillion for the rights, sadly, you pretty much do get the right to be stingy about it. But trust me, NBC isn't through strip-mining these Games yet. I'm guessing DVD boxed set is just around the corner...

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Necrophilia: (Follow up from last week re: parenting council.) I think it was the "CSI: Miami" about "Joe Francis," where they figured out he had sex with a co-ed on the beach after she had overdosed. Imagine the tearing-away of sunglasses that prompted.

Lisa de Moraes: Excellent reporting! Thanks ... I wish they'd included that in their list of examples, however. It would have made for interesting reading. Can you imagine being one of the people on Parents Television Council's staff, charged with watching every thing on TV the first month of the season? Oh wait, that's my job...

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Boulder, Colo.: It seems everyone that I've spoken to has really been "into" the Olympics this year, watching every night, hence the good numbers for NBC. My take is that the reason so many people are watching is because there is absolutely nothing else on TV (network and cable) to watch. Heck, I even watched badminton! September can't get here fast enough.

Lisa de Moraes: Interestingly, the numbers on the past two nights have been down, kind of substantially, compared to Athens. And last night should have been huge for NBC, what with women's gymnastics and all. Except you had to wade through swimming first to get to that. ... I think Americans finally are suffering from Phelps Phatigue....

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Why do the women wear bikinis to play beach volleyball but the men are shorts instead of Speedos, and shirts for god's sake -- and some with sleeves! It's completely unfair if not downright sexist. Why shouldn't female viewers get the same viewing pleasure from beach volleyball as male viewers get. I'm outraged...: I asked my husband the exact same question last night; his eyes never left the TV, though, so he couldn't answer it.

Lisa de Moraes: Where's Parents Television Council when you need them? Can we please get a PTC-esque complaint campaign going? Someone cough up a form complaint letter we can each copy, sign and send to FCC...

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"Law & Order": Wow. I'd missed the Jeff Goldblum news. Did they purposely hire someone who might be able to out-quirk Vincent D'Onofrio?

Lisa de Moraes: I'm sorry, but there is no comparing Vincent D'Weirdsmobile and Jeff Goldblum..

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Paoli, Pa.: Lisa, last week someone mentioned programs featuring cats; have you heard that Chuck Woolery is going to host a Game Show Network series for cats, or cats and their people?

Lisa de Moraes: Oh yes. There was a Q&A session about it a couple press tours ago. They even brought cats. Wonder what took so long to tap into that market -- cat people are even crazier than dog people...

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Herndon, Va.: Lisa, please help me try to understand soap operas. My wife has been TiVoing "Days of Our Lives" since June 2006. Sometimes she falls behind and I'm left having to sit there while she watches enough shows to catch up. Meanwhile, I miss the shows I want to watch. That's not so bad this time of year, but what I don't get is how these things stay on TV. The acting is maybe a D at best, the special effects are comical and the storylines take forever to develop. I remember having to sit through a week of "Passions" (thank goodness that left NBC) where someone was on the ledge outside a window and people were scared and didn't know what to do. An entire week! Just open the window! I've seen high school shows that have better stories, acting and sets. I just don't get it. What is the deal with soap operas? (And I'm not Jerry Seinfeld.)

Lisa de Moraes: First, the good news: Soaps are dying off. Now the bad news: Soap watching is like aerosol computer-cleaner sniffing: highly addictive, and the high only lasts five minutes so you have to keep on sniffing. ... I'm talking intervention here. I suggest retail therapy -- for your wife, that is, not you.

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"CSI: Miami": Will David Caruso ever change the inflection of his voice? Will Emily Procter ever smile? Will she reveal more cleavage?

Lisa de Moraes: "CSI: Miami" may have some stiff competition this year in the form of NBC's new "My Own Worst Enemy" with Christian Slater. If so, expect "CSI: Miami" producers to not take it lying down. Because, realistically, expecting Caruso to change the inflection of his voice is not possible, you definitely will see them ramp up the cleavage-cam on Emily.

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"Fashion" at the Olympics: Ditto to your complaint on beach volleyball players; women wear bikinis, men wear board shorts and a T-shirt? What about Serena Williams' white tennis dress yesterday? Isn't she also a "fashion designer"? She looked terrible!

Lisa de Moraes: Okay, that is an extremely important but entirely unrelated, issue. I'm talking about body-baring equality in the extremely important sport of beach volleyball...

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NBC Olympics: For the poster who wanted to watch Olympics videos, nbcolympics.com has video of pretty much every sport on the Web site. Much better quality than you'd get out of YouTube, also.

Lisa de Moraes: Here you go...

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Are you syndicated yet?: Dear Lisa: I have to echo a comment left on your wry and hysterically ticklish column from yesterday:"Live (Sort of) From Beijing, Real (Not) Fireworks"

"All I can say is Pookie: where's your Pulitzer and Peabody? Are you syndicated yet? You should be replacing Dave Barry soon as the nation's funniest columnist. You make it seem effortless. What a gem you are."

So true.

By the way, any pharmacological or nutraceutical "help" agents in the SSRI and dopamine enhancing family we should know about and likewise be partaking, or is it just your very own natural brain matter, funny bone and high wit emanating through to your readers?

You da pookiest.

washingtonpost.com: Live (Sort of) From Beijing, Real (Not) Fireworks (Post, Aug. 14)

Lisa de Moraes: Caffeine is my drug; Starbucks is my dealer ... and thanks!

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DVD boxed set: Yes, I saw the commercial yesterday ... Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony Two-Volume DVD for $29.99! An Olympic highlights DVD will be coming too...

Lisa de Moraes: Told ya...

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Question for the Class: Hi, Pookie! I need help from your devotees. "Mad Men" is capital-G Great in HDTV, but the local Comcast's OnDemand hasn't been adding the episodes in the same week as they air on the regular low-def AMC feed. Is this a local issue, or is everyone missing out as well? The local office claims it's a worldwide problem, but needless to say, I'm skeptical.

Lisa de Moraes: Me too. Let's put it out there for nationwide response. Respond, nation...

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Coto de Caza, Calif.: "Date My Ex: Jo & Slade" could possibly be the most wonderful piece of craptastic television ever. I think the gist of the show is that whomever grows the thickest, toughest and grittiest facial stubble wins -- because Jo isn't really into anyone but herself. Am I right?

Lisa de Moraes: Okay, don't kid a kidder -- you work in the TV industry, right? You have the kind of shrewd insight only a professional could achieve ... of course you're right on the money...

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Fairfax, Va.: How sad is it that Major League Baseball can't get a primetime spot on one of the big four networks, but some Ultimate Fighting specials can?

Lisa de Moraes: "Ultimate" fighting specials are like the call of the sirens (sirenae?) for young men. And young men are the hot blonde chicks of Madison Avenue which, as you know, rules the commercial networks -- and some of the non-commercial ones too. That said, I think CBS may be having second thoughts about those specials...

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Ladies Apparel, Fifth Floor: You may not know this, but NBC carries beach volleyball on regular Saturday afternoons all the time. In other words, their ceaseless coverage is really just a promotion for the rest of the year (I know, shocking!). And there's no way such a tedious sport would be on TV in prime "guy time" if the ladies were in Victorian bathing gowns. And hey, nobody ever said Serena is a good fashion designer. She just has enough dough to bring her sketches to life.

Lisa de Moraes: I'm not asking them to put Victorian bathing gowns on the chicks, I'm simply asking them to put the guys in Speedos and take their shirts off. Really, it's such a small thing to ask...

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Women's beach volleyball: I think it was Athens -- maybe Sydney, it's all a blur -- when they made the women's uniforms for beach volleyball smaller. They changed the regulations to make the bikini bottoms smaller -- it's like an inch and a half on the sides or something. Like you, I'm appalled. It's sexist, and I mutter about it the whole time it's on. But my fiance, bless him, just says "hey, it's the uniform." All I can say, is bravo to these women -- or the uniform makers (or both) -- because I have yet to see a wedgie, and I don't know how you do that in a bikini that small.

Lisa de Moraes: Okay, you guys are really missing my point. I don't want the women in bigger outfits -- I just want the men in smaller ones.

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Censors: Are there censors for the Olympics? I ask as one who is greatly enjoying the aftermath of the men's swimming events -- you know, the part where those talented young men roll those Speedos right down to there, and that made me wonder if the Olympics are scrutinized for potential wardrobe malfunctions.

Lisa de Moraes: I'm sure PTC is monitoring it as we speak.

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Wait Just One Second: So, David Caruso is coming back to "CSI: Miami" next season? I mean, the cliffhanger from last season was that his life (on the show) hung in the balance, so you must stay tuned for next season to find out. You're saying the mystery has been solved. P.S. Love the chats!

Lisa de Moraes: Given that he is "CSI: Miami" I'm guessing he's back. You know how those cliffhangers can be fooling...

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Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta: Yeah, I'm really writing this while sitting in what was the Olympic park. Anyway, beach volleyball uniforms are derived from the sport's history -- that's what the women wanted to wear. The guys preferred to wear shirts and shorts. I think the women realized their niche would be in their uniforms. Blame them. What I don't understand is all the outcry about the opening ceremonies. It's China's Olympics, let them do with it what they please. Just because it's not something the Americans would have done doesn't mean it's wrong. Let it go already.

Lisa de Moraes: Hi to former Olympics site guy/chick! I'd love to know where you heard this delicious bit of information about the women choosing to wear bikinis and the men choosing to wear shirts. But, even so, the men need to be made to understand their niche could be uniforms too. Really, their ratings would quadruple. Okay, I need to get off this subject; it's really too painful. On to Opening Ceremony. I'm totally with you on this one, because it opens up whole new worlds of possibilities for Opening Ceremonies going forward. I'm thinking Parade of Dead Olympians.

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Laurel, Md.: I know I'm probably too old for this (30) but I'm so excited to see Shannon Doherty return to "90210"!

Lisa de Moraes: Me too -- primetime hasn't been the same since she left, and her off-camera antics are always great column material.

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Digital TV Conversion, Virginia: Pardon the interruption on the questions about programming, but I just wanted to say that I've watched a little programming using my digital converter box. Yes, we have only rabbit ears, and no rooftop antenna, but we get a decent analog signal. The picture is lovely, until it isn't. And there ain't no static to look past -- the picture freezes, disintegrates, and goes to a blue or black screen depending on a passing airplane, rain or a gentle breeze, as far as I can tell.

We're looking into rooftop antenna installation, but I'm guessing the 20 percent of folks who don't have cable or satellite are going to be pissed after the digital conversion is completed in February. I hope you follow the story. I know you live a in a cable-centric world, but some of your readers are just saps who have been content with over-the-air broadcast TV. There's gonna be an outcry when our tubes freeze up and fade to black next year. It may be a short-term thing in the long run, but I pity those who will feel the brunt of consumer outrage on this.

Lisa de Moraes: Actually I live in a satellite-centric world, but I take your point. I'm intrigued by your experience and want to hear more. Please stay in touch.

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Smilin' Pittsburgh: Pookie, for skimpy men's Olympic uniforms, check out diving and water polo.

Lisa de Moraes: I'm told they chose to wear those barely there suits because the water does not get caught in the suit and chafe...

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Annapolis, Md.: Quick, best show on TV this decade -- "Psych" or "Burn Notice"?

Lisa de Moraes: Good grief -- neither...

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No on the Speedos: I'm with you on the no-shirts-for-volleyball-dudes idea, but please God, no Speedos. Why not a version of the Michael Phelps swim pants things? Like bike shorts or something?

Lisa de Moraes: I'd compromise with bike shorts if you threw in shirtlessness...

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Arlington, Va.: Hi Lisa: So, is there going to be an actors strike or not? I was following the story, and then frankly I got bored, so I moved on. Not sure I'm willing to commit to fall TV only to have a repeat of last year's strike.

Lisa de Moraes: Frankly, everyone is bored. There is a stalemate of sorts going on between the Screen Actors Guild and the major studios, so they don't have a contract, the old one has expired and they are technically working without one. I think SAG president would like to strike but when the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists deal got approved, it left the impression he doesn't have the votes he needs of membership -- about 40 percent of AFTRA members are also SAG members, SAG being the much larger organization. SAG threw a lot of effort into trying to kill the AFTRA deal and its passage was a blow to strike hopes...

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Beltsville, Md.: I just watched "The First Olympics: Athens 1896," a 1984 TV miniseries now available on DVD. David Caruso plays one of the American athletes. He speaks with an Irish accent. And doesn't wear sunglasses.

Lisa de Moraes: Just spit out my coffee. LOL...

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Time zones zzzzzzzz: The women's gymnastics final didn't even start on the East Coast until after 11 p.m.! Prime time Olympics coverage was ... beach volleyball. Like, wow. I've stopped watching "live," and DVR it to see the good stuff the following day.

Lisa de Moraes: Yes I think NBC may have overplayed its hand on this one. The time shifting was too late for West Coast. They paid in the ratings -- big time...

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Beltsville, Md.: Comcast provides AMC in HD in my area.

Lisa de Moraes: Here's one result.

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Chris Noth: Mike Logan walks down the street, a limo pulls up to curb, the window lowers, Sarah Jessica Parker sticks her head out and says: "Big, there you are. God, where did you get that awful suit?" Fade out.

Lisa de Moraes: Also an acceptable ending. Okay, actually much better than mine...

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"Because heis'CSI: Miami' ": Yeah, 'cuz when you think "Miami," you think pasty Irish guy in dark suits. Even -- and I'm stunned to be saying this -- Don Johnson was more credible as a Floridian.

Lisa de Moraes: Hey! Don Johnson always will be my Florida...

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Annapolis, Md.: Re: Beach volleyball, two comments from players: Misty May-Treanor has said, in complete seriousness, that bikinis allow the players greater freedom of movement. In addition, sand doesn't get stuck in your clothes so much, which irritates the skin. She thinks men ought to play shirtless, and wear logos on their shorts. Gabrielle Reece, on the other hand, has written that they're willing to wear bikinis in order to get people to watch and attend. So, you know, pick your poison.

Lisa de Moraes: So the men are suffering with all the clothing? This is not right. I say free the men from their clothes...

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Wait, I'm confused: Sure, you gals say you want guys in Speedos, but when I wear mine at the library, you won't even look at me. Make up your minds!

Lisa de Moraes: I promise if you wear your Speedo in my local library, I will not only look but I will take your picture.

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Bethesda, Md.: I, too, am incredibly irritated with NBC about not being able to watch gymnastics. It doesn't even start until 11 p.m., for crying out loud. Then it reruns in the morning on Oxygen. Hello, if I wasn't able to stay up until 1 a.m. to watch, it's because I work, and that also makes me unavailable at 10 a.m. This has been the biggest Olympic disappointment for me ever.

Lisa de Moraes: Trust me, you are not the only one. Viewers spoke loud and clear last night. According to early stats, last night's audience was about 3 million fewer viewers than comparable night four years ago in Athens Games. Similar results Wednesday night with late men's gymnastics...

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Digital TV Conversion: The breakup of the signal and the black screen even happens on digital TVs connected to cable without cable boxes. We have a digital set without a box (coax cable is plugged directly into the set) and we get breakup on many of the digital signals of broadcast stations (4-1, 5-1, etc.). The cable companies get these digital signals over the air, so they're subject to the same problems as the previous writer.

Lisa de Moraes: ... More input

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Serena's Dress: I, too, was wondering what on earth Nike and Serena were thinking about that dress. You'd think they could have put a lining in it or something. Or maybe she was promoting her bra maker.

Lisa de Moraes: Man, now I truly am sorry I did not watch her. I'm going to have to watch tonight off my DVR....

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Rockville, Md.: Guilty pleasure? Perhaps, but I miss "Amazing Race" and wonder when it will come back. They say later in the fall. Is that true?

Lisa de Moraes: Sept. 28 -- not so late...

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Calvander, N.C.: Let's just have a little happy moment for how much NBC has scaled back on the prolonged, sappy athlete "profiles" that were such time killers in the past. I am enjoying the Olympics so much more this go round since we have a DVR.

And Lisa, have we really had a craptastic Olympic moment yet? Or where should I get my fix during this two week period?

Lisa de Moraes: Based on two comments ago, I'm guessing Williams's tennis dress has to be the most craptastic Olympics moment yet -- if not ever, though maybe Costas' interview with President Bush is a close second. Anybody else out there with an opinion?

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Olympics: I'm surprised the Chinese are not trying to get the lip-synch girl admitted as a gymnast, because the one they are trying to pass off as 16 looks like she is not much older than seven.

Lisa de Moraes: A country in which chicks lie about their age to get ahead? I'm shocked -- shocked!

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Arlington, Va.: DirecTV, FiOS, Comcast or Dish?

Lisa de Moraes: Uh huh...

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Takoma Park, Md.: Lisa, I saw this week that "Life" was being relegated to the cursed Friday night slot. Does that mean that NBC is giving it up on it? I thought it was an interesting show with an unusual cast.

Lisa de Moraes: Ah, but NBC notes  it's giving "Life" the incredible "Deal or No Deal" lead-in ... ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, sorry. To be fair, NBC decided last month to give "Life" a few airings on Monday night as well, on Sept. 29 and Oct. 6, postponing its inevitable death-by-time-slot until at least mid-October.

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Silverman: Perhaps when Silverman said his shows "breathe" he meant you should understand the subtext -- the breath is a death rattle.

Lisa de Moraes: Honestly, I was so stunned by his response that I was rendered speechless, so I did not ask if that's what he meant...

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More Digital TV: Another non-cable person with new digital converter here. ... That's my main complaint with it, too. It used to be that if your reception was crappy with rabbit ears, at least you could fudge it -- the picture's bad, but at least you can hear, or the sound is okay, but it's a little fuzzy. Now, if a plane flies overhead (infrequently, since I'm in the District) or a big truck rolls by, you get pixelated boxes. And some days some channels just don't come in at all. (I'm looking at you 22/MPT!) It's a crappy change, in my opinion.

Lisa de Moraes: So, change isn't good? Send me more on this please...

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Silver Spring, Md.: NBC, grrrr. NBC has a hundred outlets, but when I get home and turn on the Olympics, they only use the broadcast channel (NBC4). Are the regular evening ratings on MSNBC, Oxygen and CNBC so high that they can't have the Olympics on in prime time (also known as the only time I'm home to watch TV)? Why why why?

Lisa de Moraes: Because they want Olympics-craving viewers to go to NBC.

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Thongs for the men!: Or would that be too small for beach volleyball? It might cross the line from titillating to awkward.

Lisa de Moraes: Let us not forget, the original Games were performed in the nude. Or did I just dream that? Anyway, my point is, no Olympics costume is too small...

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St Helens: Saw a few minutes of "Today" show Olympic coverage, which made me wonder: When did flip-flops become acceptable footwear for TV folks?

Lisa de Moraes: This I must see. Who was in flip-flops? Please say Ann...

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Oh My God, Bob Costas's Bush Interview: First off, how comfortable did President Bush look up there? Maybe less so toward the end, but for the first five minutes he clearly was thinking that he'd found his next career. I think somebody's dying to become a sports commentator. But the biggest moment for me was when he talked about touring China with "mah day-ud." Oh, would that be his father, the former U.S. president? Funny how it sounds so much better when you put it that way...

Lisa de Moraes: Yup, pretty craptastic...

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"Days of Our Lives": Whoa! Back up! How can you diss a show with brilliant storylines like theirs? Right now, one floor of a hospital is being attacked by a purple smoke that makes people hallucinate, and they can't call for help because there is no cell service -- but only on their floor! And the former-international-race-car-driver-turned-bartender/genius-physicist is in France meeting his bad-news celebutant sister! Let's see "Lost" try to pull that off!

Lisa de Moraes: I think you've just written "Lost's" season finale ... sigh..

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Washington: I normally would be appalled that NBC single-handedly moved the times of certain events in order to show them live only in the United States, but is it okay that I love it!? And I am in the Central time zone, so things don't end too late! (But I do think it's bull that California is getting screwed on the live coverage.) Should I feel guilty, or is it okay?

Lisa de Moraes: I'm in Los Angeles, and I'm here to say that expecting me to stay up past midnight two nights to see gymnastics wrap up is just wrong.

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Lancaster, Pa.: As a regular viewer of the first hour of the "Today," show I have laid off of them recently, as I think they did a very nice job of covering the election news in a real news fashion ... but watching the kids at the Olympics reminds me of the real terror this show is. Meredith and Ann are just all giggly and fawning. Matt is just so damn cute, and Al doing the U.S. weather from China is stupid.

Lisa de Moraes: It has been fairly gag-inducing. And yet, it's doing great numbers with the Games tie-in. Even the week before the Games started, when Matt was already in China, the numbers went up. Ditto NBC's late night shows and they're not even in China. ... I'm out of time. Bye.

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