Outlook: Meet the New American Family

The Picture-Perfect American Family? These Days, There's No Such Thing

"If the candidates wished to convince viewers that their families were just like ours, they were undone by a 21st-century reality: There is no typical family anymore -- at least not in terms of who lives in the household and how they are related. Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin noted as much on Wednesday when, while introducing her clan to a cheering crowd of the Republican faithful, the GOP vice presidential nominee said: 'From the inside, no family ever seems typical. That's how it is with us.'"

Andrew J. Cherlin, professor of Sociology and Public Policy at Johns Hopkins University was online Monday, Sept. 8, at 3 p.m. ET to discuss his Outlook article about the new American family.

The transcript follows.

Archive: Transcripts of discussions with Outlook article authors

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Andrew J. Cherlin: Hi -- This is Andrew Cherlin. I'm pleased to chat with all of you and look forward to your questions.

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Virginia: Professor, do you have a family? With kids?

Andrew J. Cherlin: I'm in a second marriage, and my wife and I each have two children from our previous marriages. We have three grandchildren.

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Los Angeles: There's certainly no gay or lesbian American family as far as both parties and the "mainstream" press is concerned. We've been rendered invisible as far they're concerned -- like so many others. It's getting awfully crowded under the bus.

Andrew J. Cherlin: Yes, but there really has been progress over the past decade or two. The idea of civil unions, let alone marriage, for same-sex couples was unheard of until 25 years ago. I think the progress will continue.

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Dallas: Mr. Cherlin, thanks for the article, but let's get real -- the only reason conservatives are accepting Bristol Palin's pregnancy is because she is "on their team." Every other day of the week these same people are avidly condemning people from the "liberal left" who are in the same situation, no matter how supportive her parents may be. I think it best to just wait a few years and see the reaction when Obama's daughter, Biden's granddaughter or someone else of their ilk gets pregnant before marriage -- then we'll see how accepting everyone is. I am a proud sixth-generation Texan -- I know what's going on.

Andrew J. Cherlin: Well, no doubt conservatives are defending Gov. Palin because she is one of their own. (Similarly, it was interesting to see Republicans defending working mothers.) But there is a strain in social conservatism of "hate the sin, love the sinner," and many conservative protestant churches are happy to minister to the divorced or to those who have a child outside of marriage.

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Tromsø, Norway: Why do American politicians have to push their family in front of them when they want to get elected?

Andrew J. Cherlin: This must indeed seem odd to someone from Europe,where family matters are seen as much more private. All I can say is that American voters feel a great need to to like their candidates as individuals and to feel that the candidates share their values.

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Palin family: I believe the trend for the past several years has been for people to get married at later ages. What are the prospects, for employment and longevity of marriage, for the typical couple getting married at age 17? This is not the typical couple of course -- I suspect his employment chances will be a tad better than for the typical 17-year-old (high school graduate?).

Andrew J. Cherlin: Sadly, as you suggest, the statistics are not good. Teenage marriages have a substantially higher risk of divorce. Statistically, the young couple has a challenging future.

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Raleigh, N.C.: The "Picture Perfect" Political Family? Look no further than the Obamas! Both Barack and Michelle overcame many obstacles to gain a Harvard education. Both share a love for community and working to help others, and clearly love each other and their beautiful daughters. Now, contrast that with the adulterous McCain and his rich/elitist wife (who is on her second marriage too), and the controversial Palin clan that preaches the social practices of the religious far-right but has a underage and unwed pregnant daughter ... not to mention a mother in Sarah who clearly puts career ahead of family.

Andrew J. Cherlin: It is worthy of note, given all the criticisms of black families, that the Obamas have the family that most approximates the American ideal.

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Washington: Professor Cherlin, in your opinion piece yesterday you wrote that "the religious right's reaction to the news of Bristol Palin's pregnancy shows they are willing to embrace a family that deviates from their ideals if the parents are willing to support each other and their children through difficult times." Would you please enlighten me on what research/evidence/statistics that you have to support the conclusion stated above? You are a professor after all.

I submit to you that a more accurate statement would be that the religious right's reaction to the news of Bristol Palin's pregnancy shows that "some" are willing to embrace a "white" family that deviates from their ideals "when it is politically expeditious to do so." Also, I guess that I should not have been surprised that so many can not relate/identify with the Obama family after years of campaigning, but can people really identify with the Palin family after just one speech?

After all, Americans are bombarded with negative images of blacks via the media (only the underclass or the celebrities warrant any attention), while the black middle class remains invisible. Couple that with the outright prejudice and ignorant of some Americans, and it should be no surprise that the Obamas are too hard to decipher for some.

Andrew J. Cherlin: As I just said to another questioner, it is indeed ironic that the Obamas are the closest to being an old-style "typical" family. To be sure, conservatives are critical of teenage childbearing, but conservative churches do take in, and minister to, teenage moms or divorced moms. (Hate the sin, love the sinner.)

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Philadelphia: I noted, at least before the Democratic National Convention, that Sen. Obama seldom has mentioned that he was raised in a single-parent household. I am not sure of his reasoning, yet I should think that many would identify with that, and it would deflect the charge that he is an elitist. Why does it seem that some are afraid to discuss being raised by one parent?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Well, perhaps because he was raised by grandparents at least part of the time -- by an extended family rather than by married parents.

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New York: It's cool (by accident, I think) that the nominees have made such elaborate (but carefully orchestrated to look effortless and breezy) introductions of their families. The "accident" part is that I think nominees probably on some level would prefer to have a "traditional" family model, such that it's something no one raises an eyebrow about. The "cool" part is that in their doing so, it opens people's eyes (well, those that need opening) and helps make acceptance and tolerance more mainstream.

Andrew J. Cherlin: I do think that's the lesson of the convention: Our leaders have now made it okay to have a family that deviates from the traditional model.

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Stevens Point, Wis.: Hello, Dr. Cherlin. I am a family sociologist, and I just discussed your research on the deinstitutionalization of the American family with my undergraduate students. It's my impression than when couples marry today, they desire what I would characterize as an "uber-marriage" -- that the expectations of one's spouse to meet one's desire for companionship and personal fulfillment are incredibly intense. Many of the other functions of marriage have been stripped away, leaving emotional fulfillment as the major function. That is why the American marriage today rests on such a fragile base. Do you agree, or do you have another perspective?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Yes, I do agree. Marriage was not designed to fulfill our high emotional expectations. It was a way to subsist, to raise and feed your yourself and your kids. It is not optimized for personal fulfillment.

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Rockville, Md.: Andrew, great article. I think that women politicians are especially scrutinized on how well they are able to balance work and their family. Although Sen. Clinton and Speaker Pelosi ran for office when their children were "grown," the family challenges that Gov. Palin faces (pregnant teenage daughter) are too great for the vice president, and it makes me wonder "what is this woman thinking?"

She was unable to prevent her daughter from having premarital sex before marriage (which is against her religious beliefs and politics)? If your house is not in order then you have no business running for the second-highest office in the land. I know it is a double standard, but it's just the way the world works. When there is a family crisis, people often will look at the mother (not so much dad) for insight on what is going on with the family, especially when it contradicts her political beliefs. The Republicans are supposed to be the party of family values.

Andrew J. Cherlin: What was so interesting was that Republican speakers defended Gov. Palin's right to make the decision to work outside the home, even though conservatives were long in favor of mothers staying home. No longer will conservatives be able to convincingly oppose working mothers.

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Fairfax County, Va.: I was enormously offended by your piece, which mingled some genuine insight with smears, distortions, and racism. What a mess. Nothing could be more traditional than a man with young children remarrying and securing a new mother for them, years after the death of his wife. Such marriages occur in every culture and in every century, in the Bible, and even in fairy tales. Yet you use Joe Biden to anchor the caption "9.2 percent of men, like Biden, are in a second marriage." That's a classic smear, completely inverting the traditional family values he has lived.

Nothing could be more traditional or admirable than adopting an orphan, yet the McCain family anchors the caption "2.5 percent of American children, like John McCain's daughter Bridget, are adopted." Gee, what a weird, novel family arrangement! What really left a bad taste, however, was the ugly implication that dark skin makes a family less "perfect." (I'm referring to the headline, "The Picture Perfect Family? These Days, It Doesn't Exist".) Suggesting that an adopted Bangladeshi child makes a family less than "picture perfect" is appalling.

In the same way, your photo caption for Obama notes that "2.3 percent of Americans are biracial" and the article stress this (per the headline) less-than-perfect quality as well. To state the obvious, neither Bridget McCain's nor Barack Obama's skin color reflects adversely on them or their families. What were you thinking?

Andrew J. Cherlin: You are misinterpreting my piece. We college professors are called upon to describe and explain things. Sometimes, when I describe aspects of the American family that some people don't like, readers mistakenly think that I share that dislike. I do not necessarily share it. I'm one the 9.2 American males who are in a second marriage. In mentioning teen pregnancy, second marriages, etc., I am trying to help us understand the changes we have seen -- not criticize them.

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Indianapolis: I agree that there is no picture perfect family, but painting that false picture of perfection has been political bread-and-butter exploited by politicians for a long time. Even the term "soccer mom" implies the mother is perfect, and that's one reason some women buy into that silly stereotype. Anyway, I guess it's okay to be less than perfect now that Gov. Palin and her crew are on the political scene. Should American women send her a thank you note or something?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Whatever you think of Gov. Palin politically, what happened last week helped to bury the idea that mothers should stay home. Even the Republicans are now against that.

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Washington: I am utterly baffled by Sarah Palin's assertion that there is no singular-modal "American family" anymore. On the one hand, I fully understand the demographic facts -- the former two-parent, 2.3-child modal census description doesn't hold (and probably hasn't for years) -- but isn't the whole point of Palin's assertion to protect her own family, which otherwise criticizes (even condemns) those who aren't "2 + 2.3"?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Well, yes, she was trying to put her family in the best light, as were the other candidates. We'll see how judgmental she is of other kinds of families; she may not be. These days, just because you are pro-life doesn't mean you are judgmental of other people's divorces.

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Washington: What are the statistics about men who cheat on their first wives and marry the mistress? John McCain got the marriage license to marry his second wife, Cindy, while still married to his first wife. It is widely reported that John and Cindy were "dating" while John was still married. Admittedly this doesn't disqualify John from the presidency (see Ronald Reagan), but how unusual is this for an American family these days?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Unfortunately, there is no statistics on this!

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New York: Greetings. Under normal circumstances I never would cluck at out-of-wedlock children (as long as someone will be there to love and take care of them) or any other similar irregularities. However, I find it ironic that our newfound national tolerance for such things comes in response to a prominent Republican instance of its occurrence. The Republicans, after all, are the party that advertises itself as the party of family values, which usually translates as life as portrayed in "Leave It to Beaver." I cannot help feeling that if this were happening in the Obama or Clinton family the scene would not be as heartwarmingly portrayed. It's okay if you're a Republican?

Andrew J. Cherlin: I agree that it is ironic. What this past week or two has done is undercut the conservative critique of divorce and working mothers. Being a working mother -- even if you have an infant with a disability -- is now officially OK. And divorce, while not a good thing, is understandable, and one moves forward after it. An era of conservative critiques of working mothers is over. Divorce is now officially acceptable. And while teenage pregnancy is still viewed as unfortunate, the response is to support and embrace the young mother.

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Richmond, Va.: "But there is a strain in social conservatism of 'hate the sin, love the sinner,' and many conservative protestant churches are happy to minister to the divorced or to those who have a child outside of marriage." Yes, but unfortunately many of those churches also are preaching that the sinners are going to hell regardless -- and teaching their very young children that.

Andrew J. Cherlin: Actually, far fewer conservative Protestant churches have hellfire and damnation preaching than a generation or two ago. Many of the megachurches now preach that God is your friend, nonjudgmental, and He want you to succeed in life. Conservatives have bought into individualism and personal fulfillment, too.

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Seattle: Professor Cherlin, is it "hate the sin, love the sinner" or "love the sinner (for now)"? Some organizations and churches have outreach programs and support for people in Bristol Palin's situation; I don't find them hypocritical for condemning the sin but not the sinner. But a lot of other churches of the religious right have recently just adopted this attitude, all around the time that the pregnancy became news. Can you please explain how that is not hypocrisy?

Andrew J. Cherlin: See my previous answer. Yes, for some of the churches this is a recent change. But what's interesting is how widespread this new message is becoming. Religion in American, as an expert once said, may be conservative, but it's not traditional -- it's quite modern in some ways.

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Re: Rockville, Md.: I disagree with your answer to Rockville quite strongly. Conservatives still will oppose working and/or single mothers, while still defending the efficacy of "abstinence-only" sex education. The difference is that now they'll be openly hypocritical in doing so.

Andrew J. Cherlin: Some do, but the strong critics of working moms are now the minority. Go to the religious self-help section at your local Barnes & Noble, and you'll see books that say: it's better to stay home, but if you feel you have to work, you can do it, and God will cover you. True, these churches may be less flexible about comprehensive sex education.

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Upper Marlboro, Md.: I think the so-called ideal family is a construct of the racial majority. In other groups, unwed mothers, teen marriages, seniors living together, grandparents raising grandchildren, May-December weddings, adopting the neighbors kids after parents die or leave, etc., etc., etc., are not unusual. While the majority may be a family with a mother, father and children, I certainly can point to several different configurations all the way back to slavery in just our family. The ideal has not changed for many of us; welcome aboard.

Andrew J. Cherlin: I would say this to you and to "Philadelphia," who just asked in what sense is anything about the Obama family nontraditional: Isn't it interesting that the most "traditional"-seeming family in the group is the African American one? I think the events of the past two weeks will make it harder for whites to think of themselves as "traditional" and of African Americans as "nontraditional." Whites must now acknowledge their diversity, too.

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New York: What basis do you have for your statement that Republicans support mothers being away from the home? Because they support Palin, a tool to their continued occupation? Phyllis Schlafly tried this shtick before -- a woman carrying the mantle for repression of feminism. It didn't make her a feminist, and it didn't make her supporters feminist. Buy a vowel, please.

Andrew J. Cherlin: Some things are the same since Phyllis Schlafly's hey-day (the strong pro-life stand) but some things are different. And one of them is women working outside the home. Over the past decade, conservatives have been pushing marriage but slowing giving up on the idea that wives must stay home. Gov. Palin's nomination is pretty much the end of that older idea.

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Laurel, Md.: The Republican party talks about 1950-1965 as a kind of Golden Era of family life, and it did produce a record marriage rate and baby boom. They also deride its economic conditions based on labor unions and job security. Aren't the two inextricably intertwined? When a sensible person is considering starting a family, isn't the likelihood of steady income for 20 years a big part of the decision? Isn't the modern free-agent economy a big part of the lack of traditional families?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Yes it is. Most of the families that form outside of marriage are among people who haven't graduated from college. They are the people who have been most affected by the movement of jobs overseas and into computer chips. A successful marriage is harder for them to attain.

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Richmond again:"Actually, far fewer conservative Protestant churches have hellfire and damnation preaching than a generation or two ago." Far fewer, yes, but that doesn't mean the attitudes are gone, or that they don't exist -- my 4-year-old niece last year was told by her neighbor that her parents were going to hell because they weren't married and didn't go to church. Small-town Southern life hasn't changed that much, it's just better-hidden.

Andrew J. Cherlin: I agree that old attitudes still exist. But they are changing. We saw some of that change the past two weeks. It's still ongoing and incomplete -- a work in progress.

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Port Ewen, N.Y.: I have become increasingly fearful of the place religion has taken in our families and our politics. Years ago it was important that you marry someone of your own religion, or that someone convert to make the family more homogenous. Years softened that edge, and America became more divergent -- a positive to my mind. Now it seems we are going backward. Gov. Palin's quite divisive remarks have been plastered all over today, and now we hear of a plan for churches to unite and deliver endorsements from the pulpit. Aren't we modeling ourselves after the Middle East, with their aggressive religious policies? Thanks.

Andrew J. Cherlin: It is indeed relatively new for ministers to mix politics and preaching. But it is not only done on the right: just recall the Vietnam War years, when many liberal clergy led the opposition to the war. The conservatives are relatively new at the game -- last few decades.

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Philadelphia: In what sense is anything about the Obama family nontraditional? I'm 31 and had biracial friends growing up, as did my older and younger siblings. That certainly didn't raise eyebrows in my suburban-without-the-city neighborhood. The only one of these four families that would is the Palin one -- for many reasons (hypocrisy was harder to overcome than anything else, I think).

Andrew J. Cherlin: I hope you read my other answer that included a response to your good comment.

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New York: Republicans and religious conservatives remain opposed to the Equal Rights Amendment. Please explain this in the context of your curious spin re: Republicans and the religious right being more "open-minded."

Andrew J. Cherlin: They are conservative, to be sure. But they aren't as tradition-oriented as some think. Maybe they think the ERA isn't a good idea, but they increasingly accept working moms and they encourage men to be active fathers and supportive husbands. The real diving lines, the really divisive issues these days, are abortion and homosexuality. Lots of strong disagreement between conservative and liberal churches there. But less disagreement on other issues that used to divide them.

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gswaff: Before you make a sweeping statement that these families don't exist, you might look at the Romney family. They look a lot like the Cleavers to me.

Andrew J. Cherlin: I'm not saying there are no Cleavers today, but in the 1950s, half of all children were being raised by a working dad and stay-at-home mom; today it's about one quarter.

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Rockville, Md.: The Democratic and Republican presidential tickets want their families "off limits" to the media, but they trot them out like show ponies at the convention. Very hypocritical.

Andrew J. Cherlin: It's true that the Republicans have tried to protect Gov. Palin so far. And the Clintons tried to protect Chelsea until now. But the first ladies have long been very public figures. The first family is a little bit like the Royal Family in Britain, and lately the British have been obsessed with details about them.

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Falls Church, Va.: The national grassroots nonprofit organization Family and Home Network is calling on policy-makers to adopt principles of inclusion in family policy-making. We think it's time to design policies so that the ways in which families meet their income-earning and caregiving responsibilities do not determine their eligibility for support and services. For decades, politicians have focused on "working families" -- often an ill-defined term -- and the policies that result leave millions of families out. If it's time to acknowledge that there is no typical family anymore, isn't it time for inclusive family policies?

Andrew J. Cherlin: Work shouldn't be the only criterion for government aid. (And it isn't -- consider the tax deduction for having children in the home.) But Americans of all classes and races are so supportive of work as a value, and of personal responsibility, that I am reluctant to rule out program benefits that depend upon work.

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socrates3333: I think real conversation about the family is sorely needed right now. That there no longer exists one picture perfect family anymore (okay, there may be some -- I had one until my first husband's death), and that the landscape is changing rapidly and broadening to include many different forms of what now constitutes a "family" are incredibly important topics. Obama has been talking about family quite a bit. With Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter's pregnancy leaping onto the scene, the topic of "family" is in the spotlight ... exactly where it belongs.

Andrew J. Cherlin: It certainly has been in the spotlight over the past two weeks!

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Silver Spring, Md.: It's hard to talk about conservatives without talking about conservative churches. Women can work outside the home and be a vice presidential candidate, but are they allowed to be lead the service on Sunday? As an Episcopalian, the Baptists continue to mystify me.

Andrew J. Cherlin: I agree that in some conservative churches (and in Catholic churches, many of which are liberal on social issues other than abortion), women may be limited in their leadership roles. But there are many prominent women preachers on television and on the shelves at your local bookstore.

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Andrew J. Cherlin: Thanks for the interesting and stimulating comments! I am signing off. Regards, Andrew Cherlin

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