Washington Sketch

Post columnist Dana Milbank serves as the capital's foremost critic of political theater in his Washington Sketch columns and videos. He was online live Thursday, Sept. 25 at 1 p.m. ET to take your questions and comments about the things politicians say -- and the absurd ways they find to say them.

The transcript follows.

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Dana Milbank: Hello, chatters.

I come to you from the cafeteria of the U.S. courthouse on Constitution Avenue, four floors below the courtroom where Uncle Ted Stevens is on trial. We just heard opening arguments, including a spectacular claim by the senator's lawyer that Ted Stevens is a friend of labor unions and a foe of big oil. Which -- as John McCain likes to say about the pro-American president of France -- shows that if you live long enough, anything is possible.

Questions about Uncle Ted? The Great Bailout? Fire away.

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We missed you!: Dana, we really missed you the two weeks you were away. Glad you're back, just in time to give us your spin on this $700 billion bailout for the have-mores. Bush finally has lived up to his campaign promise to be a uniter, eight years too late -- everyone is against this boondoggle plan.

Dana Milbank: I feel terrible about this. I leave town for a couple of weeks and suddenly we're in the Great Depression. If any of you have suffered in my absence, please tell me how I can bail you out.

Actually Bush has been quite successful as a uniter of late. Virtually everything he is for, the country is instantly united against it. I enjoyed when Barney Frank on Monday pleaded with him not to speak in public if he really wants the bailout passed.

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Seattle: Dana, which assignment would you prefer to cover: A debate where only Obama shows up, or press conferences about McCain's contributions to the bailout where he hasn't been invited or actually offered any contributions? Both seem like your type of theater.

Dana Milbank: I've already got my room at the Days Inn in Oxford tomorrow night, and my flight down to Jackson, Miss., so I intend to cover the debate there even if neither of them shows up.

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Chicago: Is it true that you had offered to cancel this chat to help bail out Wall Street?

Dana Milbank: Whatever it takes. This is not a time for politics. It is not a time for Web chats. It is time for us all to come together as Americans and have as many photo ops as it takes to reassure Wall Street.

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Washington: So McCain wants to cancel the debate, and his campaign will be happy to reschedule more town halls in its place. How is this not considered a blatant political tactic?

Dana Milbank: Actually the best part is he wants to reschedule tomorrow's debate for the same night as next week's vice presidential debate, which I can only assume the McCain campaign will propose postponing until Nov. 5.

On the other hand, I'd consider it a fair deal if they called off the vice presidential debate and instead released a full transcript of Palin's meeting with Kissinger.

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Sweet Memories of St. Paul, Minn.: So did the guy from Alabama choke you? And where the hell are you from? Someone else said it best, but it strikes me that most of the Eastern Media Elite are actually from small towns in the Midwest.

Dana Milbank: The Midwest! How positively dreadful. I am from a town with two Starbucks outlets a mere 10 miles from the Atlantic Ocean.

Though you may have a point there -- the elitist Broder and Balz are from Illinois. The elitist Kamen is from Ohio. The elitist Kornblut is from Odessa, Texas (okay, so she spent a summer there or something).

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Arlington, Va.: Dana, I love your column and look forward to reading it every day. You seem to have developed a level of cynicism that's admirable, even for those living in this area. Is this a result of years of reporting on politics in this city?

Dana Milbank: Cynicism? Oh pish.

I believe in the inherent goodness in every politician. I believe that Ted Stevens thought his wife was paying the bill for all the renovations on his chalet. I believe he really didn't want all those gifts he accepted, particularly the Viking grill and the stained glass window and the Land Rover. I believe he had no idea they were going to jack up his house and add an entire new level for free. This, I believe.

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Oviedo, Fla. single mom : I think with some changes to clawback CEO pay and some more oversight, this plan could work. Letting banks fail, now or over time, would screw a lot more people. We broke even or made money with the post-Sept. 11 airline bailout and the money infused during Savings & Loan crisis. No one lost their shirt. I want the credit markets evened out and I want the stock market to calm down. I am looking for a job, and a depression wouldn't help in any way. No one "learns" from that lesson -- we are just forced to suffer.

Dana Milbank: Beware single moms in Oviedo, Fla., who talk about clawback provisions.

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New York: Dana, is Ted Stevens in court? Is he as well-dressed as some of those other criminals in Congress, like Charlie Rangel to mention one? Thank you for taking my question.

Dana Milbank: Ted Stevens is a common and humble man. He is wearing a common and humble gray suit with a common and humble navy tie. For this trial he is wearing common and humble business shoes instead of the Masai Barefoot Technology footwear he favors in the Senate.

I can see the Capitol dome from the courthouse but not Charlie Rangel. Still, I am willing to bet he is wearing a three piece suit with a gold watch on a chain attached to the vest.

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Arlington, Va.: Will you be covering the vice presidential debate? That could be a hardship, with Palin and Biden both being so plain-speaking. You might not have anything to write about.

Dana Milbank: It is the least I can do for my country in this time of need.

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O Captain My Captain: And Great Chronicler of the Absurd: Given the brilliance you demonstrated in documenting Hillary's death spiral through the end of the primary season, with many apropos and hilarious comparisons to Monty Python skits, I'm very much looking forward to your sketching of Caribou Barbie throughout the remainder of the campaign. You may need to get your orange hunting garb back from Ms. Priest after her cafeterial adventures.

Dana Milbank: My video co-conspirator, Akira Hakuta, is dying to go to Wasilla. I don't think we'll get a glimpse of the candidate, but I do think it would be useful to have a video on washingtonpost.com about how to skin a moose.

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Chantilly, Va.: Dana: If someone like McCain calls for something like the bailout to be "above politics," shouldn't he be asking for a nonpartisan solution instead of a bipartisan one? Bipartisan just means both parties work together -- they are still working as parties. Not to be picky or anything, but can someone around here try to use the English language correctly?

Dana Milbank: Now now, there's no reason to go nucular.

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Chicago: Dana -- I have indeed suffered while you were away. Thank you for your offer of a bailout. I could really use around $700 billion. I would prefer small, unmarked bills. You get the money together, I'll let you know where to take it.

Dana Milbank: As long as you put it on your financial disclosure forms, senator. We wouldn't want any more innocent misunderstandings like this unfortunate business with the chalet.

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Kansas City, Mo.: Dana, I discern a certain gravitis in your work for CNN. Is your pension at The Washington Post safe, or is it the colon acting up again?

Dana Milbank: Is gravitis an intestinal disease?

On Campbell Brown's show the other night I suggested that Palin invite reporters to watch her skin a moose with Henry Kissinger. How about some credit for that?

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Quick!: Give us three adjectives to describe George Bush's general demeanor during his presentation last night! Now give us three adverbs to describe his delivery! Thanks!

Dana Milbank: What's an adverb?

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Clinton and McCain: Dana, call me a silly old cynic, but I have a hard time imagining Bill Clinton giving John McCain a speaking opportunity at his Global Initiative (with Sarah Palin in the front row) if Hillary Clinton were the Democratic nominee. Do you think there's some truth to that, or do I need to go to the doctor to get a prescription to reduce that nasty swelling in my cynicism gland?

Dana Milbank: Bill Clinton loves Barack Obama. Ted Stevens is the victim of a misunderstanding. Hank Paulson cares only about the taxpayer. John McCain is putting country before party.

This I believe.

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Louisville, Ky.: Fly to Memphis -- Jackson is too far from Oxford, Miss....

Dana Milbank: Eastern Elites have a terrible sense of geography.

And newspapers are so broke that I'm flying Southwest.

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Waldorf, Md.: You never print my questions. Why don't you like me?

Dana Milbank: Your town sounds small and not elite.

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Is the Debate Back On?: Now that there appears to be bipartisan agreement in place on the bailout plan, is McCain's little diversion is over, and is his campaign is back on as well as the debate?

washingtonpost.com: GOP, Democratic Leaders Reach Agreement on Bailout Plan (Post, Sept. 25)

Dana Milbank: No! I had no idea.

I was doing this chat for the good of my country, but now that we have taken care of the bailout this is no longer a time to put country first.

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Evanston, Ill.: Hey Dana, I'm glad you're back. My condolences to your family. I can only imagine, but I bet you had a very smart, funny mother.

Dana Milbank: Not sure how word got all the way out to the (horrors!) Midwest, but thanks, Evanston. You are right about that.

I will be back for more questions next week.

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