Celebritology Live: Cross-Generational Crushing; Ryan O'Neal Arrest

You've Been Served... a Heaping Plate of Gossip

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion and serves as co-proprietress of post.com's "Lost" Central.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon and welcome to Celebritology Live. I'm Liz and I'll be your server today.

I don't know about you, but I'm still adjusting to the fact that Ryan O'Neal is probably a tweaker and trying to reconcile that image with the 50 guys they arrest on "COPS" for meth possession each weekend. I just don't seem him having much in common with the typical meth addict. Ah well. What's that old expression? Drugs -- the great leveler?

And, of course, Tatum -- who knows about these things -- has weighed in with this bit of uplifting advice for dad and half-bro: "Addiction, if untreated, can lead to jail, institutions and death."

I hope everyone is busy at work crafting entries for the first ever Celebritology Fan Art competition. Entries are due no later than next week at 2 p.m. ET, so get craftin. This will all be a part of the imminent 2008 Celebritology Honors. Stay tuned.

Anyhow, back to this afternoon's show... who wants to start?

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Lance's next GF: To continue a thread - Lance's next GF has to be Carrie Underwood - blonde, young, Texan, singer, and beautiful.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for remembering where we left off last week. I suppose Carrie fits the bill, but Lance may not have time for blonde confections now -- what with returning to competition and all.

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Mischa Barton's wardrobe malfunction: What I don't understand is if you women want to be going around braless what possible reason is there for so much modesty when a little something pops out now and then ?

Liz Kelly: Poor Mischa. You're referring of course to her unfortunate photo op. I'm just not sure what I'd be more upset about -- the actual wardrobe malfunction or the fact that the dress makes me look like an anorexic candy cane.

But hey, these things happen. Even to Redskins.

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byool, IN.: Jessica Simpson, number-one-selling country album?

Did you really type that, or are they doing LSD experiments with the office water supply here?

Liz Kelly: I was equally taken aback by that headline this morning, Byoo. It got me to thinking that perhaps the same people who have made Jessica Simpson the toast of the country music world (or "biscuits and gravy of the country music world." Or "whatever it is that is highly prized at Cracker Barrel" of the country world) are part of the same shadowy majority that have swung over to the Republican camp because they like that Sarah Palin, goshdarnit.

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Wyoming: It's hard to believe Ryan O'Neal is 67 from that mug shot though...

Liz Kelly: Perhaps meth has some as-yet un-touted anti-aging properties?

Seriously, though, 67 really isn't that old. Especially if you take care of yourself. Oh wait...

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Liz Kelly: Okay, so has this ever happened to you?

I lent my mom our season 1 set of "Mad Men" DVDs. She devoured them -- loved the show. And it served as a jumping off point for her telling me about her own experiences in the '60s -- sexism, girdles, teased hair, etc. Yay mom!

There's just one problem. She spent way too much time calling "Mad Men" star John Hamm a "doll" and drooling over him. And this is a problem because I myself have already added John Hamm to my kitchen pass list and, well, I dunno -- there's just something oogy about my mom also having him on her list.

What's a girl to do?

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Atlanta: Liz : I understand those darling Olson twins are having some success with their clothing line. Are you pea green with envy ?

Liz Kelly: I'm not pea green with anything environmental activism, sir. But -- if what you say is true -- I'm happy for the girls. They deserve a little success, considering the hard go of it they've had up until now.

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New York: Is Brad Pitt coming out for gay marriage because he has a horse in this race or because he gets so many proposals from guys ?

Liz Kelly: Now now, that's not nice.

Brad is coming out for gay marriage because this is something he has been advocating for a long time and it's just possible that he believes in equality when it comes to sexual orientation. Good for him. He's doing something concrete.

He's said before, after all, that he won't marry Angelina until gay couples have the same right. Good for him for putting his money where his mouth is.

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Here's the story: Liz: I liked your interview with Cris Knight but wonder why you stopped short of asking if he and Jan were ever an item. I thought he took a completely uncalled for cheap shot at Bonaduce though.

washingtonpost.com: Catching Up With Christopher Knight

Liz Kelly: Aww, come on. Bonaduce's a big boy. He can take it. And it's hardly out of the realm of reasonable to suggest that Danny has some issues keeping his cool.

I hadn't got to my Brady-centric questions before my time with Christopher was all used up. And I'm glad, actually, that I got to talk to him about all that other stuff. He's been asked all the Brady stuff before. I was interested in how candid he was about the reality show dynamics -- about how the contestants were urged (though not in so many words) to drink. It really does make you think that without alcohol -- or other mind-altering substances -- the wind might go out of the sails of VH1's bread-and-butter shows pretty quickly.

Now I'm just wondering which former Brady star will be the next to land in my lap.

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Mad Mom: I don't know about "Mad Men" and Moms, but this Mom once shocked her 20-something daughter by pointing out that Johnny Depp is closer to my age than to hers!

Liz Kelly: Good point. I had a similar experience when my then 15-year-old niece started talking about how cute Johnny is. Speaking of which, I finally saw "Sweeney Todd" over the weekend and can add singing to the growing list of things that make Johnny Depp special.

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Olsens: "They deserve a little success, considering the hard go of it they've had up until now."

Was that intended to be tongue-in-cheek? You do know that their corporation (which they run together) is worth something a billion dollars (seriously), thanks to a string of successful straight-to-video movies for the tween market, right? (And why on earth do I know that? These are the stupid things that occupy space in my memory that could be devoted to much better uses...)

Liz Kelly: Yes, it was totally tongue in cheek. MK and Ash have been on the Forbes's richest women in Hollywood list (together) for many years now. There's nothing difficult about their lives, apart from deciding whether to go with the dress that is merely big or clownishly oversized.

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Cleveland Park - Rachel Zoe: I've only had a passing view of her Bravo show - but the footage from her wedding day is FRIGHTENING in the way she looked so healthy back then. Her current look in comparison seems to be that of a serious eating disorder or infirmity. Definitely a good role model for all those young actresses she's styling!

Liz Kelly: I haven't watched the show yet, though I keep meaning to. Will have to set up the DVR.

Rachel has said in the past that she is naturally thin and doesn't do anything to maintain her stick-like figure. I believe that was in response to rumors that she was supplying clients like Lindsay Lohan in her blonde, twig-figure days with a little something to keep the weight off.

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Mom and Me: My mom and I routinely find out we have the same people on our list. I wasn't grossed out until she volunteered that she was always curious to see "that Tommy Lee tape" after I innocently told her I was going to Cruefest. I have always wanted to see the video too, but she may see it first, which will kind of ruin it. LALALALALAAAA I shouldn't have written this.

washingtonpost.com: Darn, can't seem to find a link to that tape anywhere on the whole Internet...

Liz Kelly: Now Paul, we really don't need a window into your bookmarks folder.

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Brad Pitt supporting gay marriage: From that, can we extrapolate anything about his interest in actually tying the knot w/ Ms. Jolie?

Liz Kelly: Again with the smartness.

I see what you're saying and my answer is yes, and no.

No -- I don't think he's using gay marriage's rough road to legality to avoid marrying Angie.

Yes -- in that I think maybe Brad and Angie don't place as much value on marriage as some other people. People like Tori Spelling or Britney Spears or Bristol Palin. Brad and Angie know what they have and appear to be secure in their relationship.

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That Oogy Feeling: Consider yourself lucky. My mom told me that if she was 40 years younger she would be giving me a run for my money with my S.O.

Liz Kelly: Okay, you've officially topped me. Can I perhaps take up a collection for some therapy sessions for you?

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Former Brady Star: I hear Tiger has a tell-all book that scorches the rest of the cast, especially supposed good guy Sam Franklin.

Liz Kelly: Well, there's just the whole language barrier with Tiger. I don't speak dog and I don't think post.com will spring for an interpreter.

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Parents sharing your list: Hi Liz- re you and your mom having the hots for the same actor.

Dad and I are both in love with Cobie Smulders (Robin, on "How I Met Your Mother").

There must be something genetic going on, because this a replay of our Kate Jackson infatuation from last century.

Liz Kelly: Are we talking "Charlie's Angels" era Kate Jackson or "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" era Kate?

Yes, it makes a difference.

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Andy!: Where's our Andy pic? Doesn't he have a blog by now? Can you send us the link?

Liz Kelly: Andy is taking a break from the camera this week. I think it's a clever ploy to avoid over-exposure.

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Whatcha talkin bout Willis ?: Is Gary Coleman ever gonna be cute again ?

Liz Kelly: As if he stopped! Puh-leeze.

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ep: Liz, do you realize that you have referenced Sarah Palin more times this week than Paris Hilton, and almost as many times as Lindsey Lohan? It's tied with Britney Spears references. And most of the references have been subtle or not so subtle put downs of Governor Palin. How about we stick to genuine celebs and leave the politics out it. Snarking on celebs is a bipartisan activity.

Liz Kelly: Carm down. I'm sure the distinguished governor from Alaska can take a little good-natured ribbing.

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Dreamy Don Draper: Do you prefer Jon Hamm or Don Draper? They don't really look the same, if you know what I mean and Don is such a naughty boy....

Liz Kelly: Well, truth be told, Don Draper.

And you're so right. They are two very different people.

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Hate to Break it to Former Brady Star: Tiger was tragically killed during the first summer hiatus. He was run over by a car. That's why you never saw him in later seasons. The children were devastated when they got the news when they returned to shoot the new season. No word on what happened to Fluffy the cat.

Liz Kelly: Well, that's a bringer-downer.

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From an older generation: Mom and I both wanted Paul Newman.

Liz Kelly: And now you can both have his salad dressing.

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Chimpanzee TV follow up: the show was Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp

Liz Kelly: Ah yes. I don't even want to think about how they got those chimps to wear polyester leisure suits.

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Anonymous: There are many celebrities that inspire Mother-Daughter fantasies. Merv Griffin and Lawrence Welk come to mind for me and ma but unfortunately both have passed on.

Liz Kelly: Ummm.

I'm just not sure where to go with this.

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Newport: Liz, I can't figure out who that illustration is of in your recent column hyping the "Lizzies." Is it Tom Cruise with scientology coming out of his ears or is it a slimmer, trimmer Alec Baldwin with (barnyard epithet) coming out of his ?

washingtonpost.com:

Liz Kelly: I get it. I'm not an artist. Mr. Liz is the artist in the family.

The abomination you see above (meaning my drawing, not the subject) was meant to be Tom Cruise with steam coming out of his ears. Steam because, you know, he's always so dag-gum fired up.

But, looking at it now, it looks more like an artists rendering of one of America's Most Wanted.

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Liz Kelly: Which is why you all need to get cracking and submit your own, superior fan art by next Thursday.

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Brad Pitt supporting gay marriage: No no, you completely misunderstood my question! I was not trying to be a smahty-pants! I see it as indicative of eagerness on his part, ie, "Hurry up and legalize it for the gays so we can get ours in!"

Liz Kelly: Ahhh, in that case, I don't know -- but I do like that idea.

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Rachel Zoe - healthy bride: I totally disagree! She looked just as tiny and anorexic then as she does now. She certainly looks younger, which should not be confused with "healthier." She still looked like a lollipop head on a stick.

Liz Kelly: Okay.

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Lance: So did Kate Hudson throw him under a bus or what? Running straight back to competing and didn't he recently admit to being bad in bed? Sounds like someone trying to ignore sorrow and get their self-esteem back.

washingtonpost.com: Sort of the opposite: " 'But the fact is that if you are riding your bike five, six, seven hours a day, you are not a sex champion. You're just not. You have fatigue, low testosterone, and a lower libido.' He grins. 'But you know, I never got any complaints.' "

Liz Kelly: I think Paul has this one covered.

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Portland, Ore.: Hi Liz,

Did you read about Jenna Fisher (Pam from "The Office") being a supporter of cat rescue organizations and an all around crazy cat lady? It made me love her even more. Does Andy like "The Office"?

Liz Kelly: I did not. Can you send me a link?

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washingtonpost.com: Kristin Armstrong

washingtonpost.com: Kristin Armstrong

Momma Armstrong

Liz Kelly: Yes, Paul. We get it. Lance has a type.

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Draper over Hamm: Have seen Hamm all over New York over the years - very shaggy and untucked in real life, but he cleans up beautifully as Don Draper. Draper all the way!

(Can someone start a "Draper my Man" kit? I'd like al the fellas in my life so look so sharp and dreamy!)

Liz Kelly: That's a fabulous idea. The steps would include one or all of the following:

- Dippity-do for the slicked back hair
- A skinny tie
- Flat-front pants
- A strict regimen of high balls and Lucky Strikes

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Richmond, VA: My boyfriend needed to beef up his business wardrobe and asked for my help picking stuff out. He generally has a good eye when it comes to casual fashion, but is otherwise clueless.

As we were shopping, he held up some pants and asked if they looked too old-fogeyish. They were folded over at the time, and I shrugged and said they were fine. Then I took a closer look. Thinking of Liz, I laughed and said "Well, they have pleats." He was very puzzled by that. "Pleats are bad?" I explained that in some sectors, yes they are.

When he went home later, he examined all his work pants. Most of them had pleats. He went on the internet and read about the horror of pleats. Now he is very upset by his pleat-ridden closet.

- Changing the world, one pant leg at a time

Liz Kelly: Another one bites the dust.

Good work, sister.

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Nosy Parker: Re "I'm sure the distinguished governor from Alaska can take a little good-natured ribbing." Sarah Palin reportedly was amused by Tina Fey's impression of her on SNL, and claims to have dressed up as Tina one Halloween. Can you or your crack staff locate a photo of that?

washingtonpost.com: Some Googling confirms her press secretary reported the costume, but turned up no pics. I turn this task over to the mob.

Liz Kelly: And I'd just like to add that my staff is not now, nor has ever been, on crack.

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The O'Neal's: I agree that Ryan still looks good (even for an aging meth-head) but actually I was disappointed by Redmond. Shouldn't a cross between Ryan and Farrah be gorgeous. Isn't it tragic how the son of two of the best looking people ever can turn to be umn, not so much. Shiloh - watch out.

Liz Kelly: Well, but he's young and awkward and meth-riddled right now. There's still hope for young Redmond. He could blossom given the right circumstances.

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d' OH: I thought your drawing was a fairly decent portrayal of another Scientolocrazy, John Travolta.

Liz Kelly: Well, you don't have to rub it in.

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byool, IN: I'll see you one Mischa Barton wardrobe malfunction and raise you a Barbra Streisand.

Once again, you can thank your colleagues at The Daily Mail.

washingtonpost.com: Ew.

Liz Kelly: I'm sorry, but Aretha Franklin (whose picture may be NSFW) has both Mischa and Barbra beat by a long shot.

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Early mother-daughter bonding moment: We both had the hots for Elvis via watching his movies together

Weirdly, I thought the drawing was of John Travolta (Tom's fellow Scientologist)

Liz Kelly: So are you trying to say all Scientologists look alike?

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Jenna Fisher: This is from People Magazine

She has a cat named Andy!

washingtonpost.com: Jenna Fischer: 'A Little' Crazy About Cats

Liz Kelly: Wow. Jenna Fischer and I are, like, twins basically.

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RE: Tom Cruise Celeb Art: I thought it was Liev Schreiber until I read the post that went with it!

Liz Kelly: Okay, okay.

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Curmudge, ON: Liz,

Do entries to the contest have to be submitted on-line?

I mean, what if I wanted to do a three dimentional thingy of Katie Holmes acting on Broadway?

Liz Kelly: Well, then tape it and upload the footage.

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Anonymous: So is Anne Hathaway gonna have the best tell-all bio or what ?

Liz Kelly: I dunno. I'd rather read Soon-Yi Previn's.

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Redmond O'Neil: How old is the whippersnapper? If he's still 17 or so, he could turn into a cutie when he gets a little older. But if he's already hit 25 or so, I think he's beyond all hope.

Liz Kelly: Redmond is 23, as per a quick Google search.

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Lancelot Link: Those chimps were hilarious! We need a remake of that show. Heck, they remake everything else!

Liz Kelly: Okay, I need to admit I wasn't sure why Paul was sending me a reference to Lancelot Link. Turns out it was in reference to a question which I hadn't yet seen, but will add in below. Just to further confuse things.

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Lance's GF: Two things,

First, am I the only one that automatically thinks of that Get Smartesque 60s spy show filmed with chimpanzees where the agent 99 role chimpanzee always whines "Laaaance!" whenever I see or hear that name?

Secondly, I've mentioned this before, but if you look at pictures of Kristen Armstrong and Lance's mom (I saw once in a mountain biking mag with Lance standing between the two of them) they are indistinguishable. Lance Armstrong has mommy issues.

Liz Kelly: Oh, the same thing with the Armstrong women pix. We got a pit cart-before-the-horsey here today.

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Oogy: My mom said she always wanted to read Anne Rice's erotica and I came thisclose to busting it out of my secret drawer to loan her, but thought better of it. Whew.

Liz Kelly: TMI.

Though, it does remind me of the uncomfortable occasion in my freshman year of college when I was home for a break and sat through "Sex, Lies and Videotape" with my mom, older brother and his wife. Talk about being scarred for life.

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The family O'Neal: If ever there was a time where the sages from syndacation and cable should band together for an all-star miniseries of intervention and turnaround it's with Ryan, Tatum, the 2 sons, Farrah, maybe even McEnroe (anger issues).

We combine the forces at AE's Intervention, Dog the Bounty Hunter, VH1's Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Dr. Oz, -- heck, why not throw in Harvey from Celeb Fit Club and Cesar Milan from the Dog Whisperer. Call it "the O'Neal Deal" or something and watch the magic happen.

Liz Kelly: That is a fabulous idea. The O'Neals are sitting on a veritable goldmine. If only they'd wake up and smell the -- well, you get the idea.

Reminds me that often Matt and I will be watching "Intervention" or "Cops" and wish that Stacy and Clinton from "What Not To Wear" would pop in and deliver these people from their unfortunate wardrobe selections. I mean, seriously, some of their outfits are enough to drive a body to drink.

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Crack Staff: Well, sure. That stuff's expensive.

Maybe if you paid them more.

washingtonpost.com: We get paid?

Liz Kelly: Now, now, Paul. Calm down. I'll have those brownies for you later this afternoon.

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Brad and Angie were both married before: Did they just not give a crap about the gays back then? Because making comments like that when you've been married before makes it seem that way. Charlize said it first and she's never been married.

Also, how hard is Megan Fox trying to be the old Angelina? From her styling to the confessions that she likes girls, but not so much that men still won't have a chance with her. Why can't she find her own act?

washingtonpost.com: Megan Fox on being typecast and her teenage lesbian love affair (San Jose Mercury News)

Liz Kelly: Oh, but girl crushes are all the rage right now. I blame Lilo and that randy Katy Perry and her "I Kissed a Girl" single. Girl crushes are like the new Uggs.

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Virginia: I hear something about Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest fighting, do you know more?

Liz Kelly: They weren't fighting, really.

Ryan went on the "Ellen" show and made some calculated cracks about Simon using Botox.

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Fergie? Really?: People's best-dressed celeb? I don't get it. Charlize Theron always looks chic, as does Anne Hathaway, Angelina Jolie,and Katherine Heigl. But Fegie as best-dressed is akin to Brit having the best hair or Paris being named the most down to earth. I'm not hating -- I have Fergie on the iPod workout playlist -- I'm just stumped.

Also, what do you think of "Fringe," Liz?

Liz Kelly: I don't get it, either. I mean, I have nothing against Fergie -- but she kind of came out of nowhere on this one. I chalk it up to her having a fabulous publicist.

Here's my one-minute assessment of "Fringe" after having watched the 2-hour pilot: "Enh, it was okay but the floating place names were annoying and the story line was a bit trite, despite the fact that Pacey is all growed up real nice now."

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Alexandria, Va: Re: your Christopher Knight interview. Great job. It would be easy to mock some of these stars but, seriously, it must be really tough to be a former child star. It's amazing any of them survive and turn out semi-normal.

Liz Kelly: Right -- and not only did Chris survive, but he walked away from Hollywood for 20 years and actually made quite a name for himself in the high tech field.

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Yes: I would buy a Soon-Yi tell-all in hardcover, absolutely! Is there a Friday list in this?

Liz Kelly: I think we have a winner.

And on that note, I'm out of here. Thanks again for another fabulous hour. I'll see you here again next week and, as usual, every day in the blog.

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