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Gene Weingarten's humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in The Washington Post magazine. It is syndicated nationally by the Washington Post Writers Group.

At one time or another, Below the Beltway has managed to offend persons of both sexes as well as individuals belonging to every religious, ethnic, regional, political and socioeconomic group. If you know of a group we have missed, please write in and the situation will be promptly rectified. "Rectified" is a funny word.

On Tuesdays at noon, Weingarten is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is updated regularly throughout the week, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

This Week's Poll: 37 and Younger| 38 and Older

Important, secret note to readers: The management of The Washington Post apparently does not know this chat exists, or it would have been shut down long ago. Please do not tell them. Thank you.

Weingarten is also the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca.

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P.S. If composing your questions in Microsoft Word please turn off the Smart Quotes functionality. I haven't the time to edit them out. -- Liz

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

I seldom see first-run movies in real time, meaning I almost never get the opportunity to review them here in any helpful way. But on Saturday, I saw "W.", and have some exciting news. The bad news is that "W." is a poor movie -- simplistic and heavy-handed, as Oliver Stone movies tend to be -- but the good news is that it delivers a must-see performance. After an adulthood of searching, I have finally found a worthy successor to Shelley Duvall in "The Shining" for the Worst Single Acting Job in Film History.

Remember Shelley as Wendy Torrance? Googly-eyed, bobbleheaded, open-mouthed, a one-dimensional, manic, yowling Munch-ian absurdity? I have said that no one could create a worse role, but someone has. It's Thandie Newton as Condoleezza Rice, a lookalike role she plays, for some reason, with an unintelligible, unmodulated simper. It's hard to figure whether the portrayal was intended to be funny, or critical, or surreal, or what. In my theater it drew some nervous, bewildered laughter, but mostly slack-jawed disbelief. The reviews I have seen so far are somewhat unkind to Ms. Newton, and to Mr. Stone for misusing her. These reviews were not nearly unkind enough.

(Please note that I make a distinction between the worst acting PERFORMANCE of all time and the worst ACTOR of all time. The worst actor of all time, at least in the age of cinema, was Peter Lupus, who started in low-budget gladiator films but graduated to the ensemble role of the muscleman Willy Armitage in TV's original "Mission: Impossible." Peter's acting deficits were so great that over the run of the show they had him say fewer and fewer lines until he was reduced entirely to grunts and muscle flexor. On the two or three occasions when he had to attempt to adopt an Eastern European accent to fit into some undercover role, the results wound up moistening more than a few 60s-era living room beanbag chairs.)

Anyway, that's my review. Thandie Newton as Condoleezza Rice: Must-see cinema.

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Today's poll ( 37 and Younger| 38 and Older) was created by me, based upon my own insufferable certitude about word pronunciation. I make none of the mistakes listed in the poll. Several posters have already denounced me for elitism, a charge I would like to address preemptively. My elitism was driven into me at a young age by my mother, who was icily intolerant of mispronunciation. She had a reason. In the late 1930s, the New York City school system was trying to limit the number of first-generation Jewish women it hired, while still adhering to the letter of the fair-hiring laws. They did this with a northern version of a poll tax or literacy test: They insisted that all new teachers speak with completely unaccented English, a daunting task for some young women who, like my mother, grew up in Russian, Polish, or Yiddish-speaking households.

To this day, my ma remains the only person I've ever know who pronounced the word "ed-you-kay-shun."

(Manteuffel says "Your mother actually did what they wanted: She took the 'Jew' out of education.")

Several readers are asking why I did not include the "nucular" option in the poll. Simple: It would have provoked political, not linguistic, outrage, and the results would have been suspect. Also, for those who aksed, I didn't go there because I believe there is an ethnic component to that mispronunciation. Same reason I didn't do "all right already," an abomination never uttered by a gentile.

So, take the poll. I find it curious that the young'uns on the average make more mistakes than we oldies, and also that, for some reason, the yoot is MUCH more likely to say "man-aise."

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I may have posted this many months ago. It seems familiar, but if so it remains intriguing: Pick your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it. While doing this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction, or at the least become hopelessly confused.

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Two CLODS today, on the same topic. The first is this dramatic reading by Chris Schneider of an actual Wasilla town meeting.

And this is Saturday's Daily Show sendup of Wasilla.

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We had a terrible comics week, and I will award no prizes, though there are some things worth noting.

First, last week's Doonesbury sequence ( Tues| Thurs), in which we learn Obama hit eight of 10 three-pointers in two pickup games of "Horse" with our troops is neat because of an inside joke: Obama actually did confirm this personally to Trudeau, just as he does to Rick Redfern in the strip. Of course, Trudeau's reach is a little greater than that of a blogger.

Second, I direct you all to Frazz on Monday, which is a fine strip, possible worthy of CPOW, except for an egregious error. "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" may well be unconventionally rhymed, but it is hardly "free verse." Check this out:

LET us go then, you and I,

When the evening is spread out against the sky

Like a patient etherised upon a table;

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,

The muttering retreats

Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:

Streets that follow like a tedious argument

Of insidious intent

To lead you to an overwhelming question ...

Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"

Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go

Talking of Michelangelo.

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Boo to Wednesday's Beetle Bailey for ruining a joke. It would have hurt them to say "poop'"?

And finally, I liked today's Mother Goose and Grimm.

Okay, let's go.

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Washington, D.C.: Hooray for today's poll! I love passing judgement on the way other people use language. Especially when they try to make some lame "languages evolve" argument to defend themselves.

Here's another one for you: a very high-powered Washington insider who has been to more plenary sessions than I have hairs on my head, and STILL pronounces it "plenerary".

washingtonpost.com: Me, I like passing judgment on people who misspell judgment.

Gene Weingarten: I like passing judgment on people who criticize others for errors in judgement when, in fact, the issue is a permitted variant.

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Ellicott City, Md: There is one you don't have in your poll, that grates on me to no end, Specifically pronounced as Pacifically.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, very bad. Others have mentioned this.

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Gene Weingarten: Oooh, a confession.

In researching common mispronunciations, I did find a word I mispronounce all the time. Apparently, a herb, as in oregano, is not an erb. It is a herb.

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Chevy Chase, DC: Gene, knowing what a dog lover you are, I had to submit this story to you. This past Saturday, I brought my 4 year old collie/retriever mix to the groomer for a bath. The groomer was about 2.5 miles down Connecticut from my house. After dropping her off, I returned home to find a voice mail on my phone telling me that they had had an "incident" in which my dog had jumped out of her crate, over the counter, and ran out the front door of the store. So there she was, running around Cleveland Park, with half the staff of the store chasing after her in their cars. Upon receiving this call, I immediately started to gather up her favorite treats to head out to look for her and envisioned a long night of searching and putting "Missing Dog" fliers up. Just as I was about to leave the house, I heard a faint barking outside. I knew that bark. I went to our back porch, and sure enough, there was my dog, standing in the neighbor's yard, barking at the house because she couldn't get over the fence. In less than an hour, my dog had traversed more than 2 miles through heavy traffic on Connecticut Ave. to make her way directly home. Do I officially have the smartest dog ever?

Gene Weingarten: The second smartest.

"Old Dogs" contains a similar story, but in reverse. Stanley the Jack Russell terrier found his way from his home to his vet. Why? Because he had liked what had happened there the day before, when his semen was extracted for a mating.

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"Exact same": My dad used to get on me for saying this--saying it was incorrect grammar and unnecessarily repetitive. I still say it, and feel like a tool every time I do.

Gene Weingarten: It is terrible. Pat the Perfect disagrees with me, one of the few areas where she is imperfect.

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New York, N.Y.: Last week in the times, there was an article about the history of the use of Hebrew on campaign buttons to pick up the Jewish vote. A particularly good one from 2000 had pictures of Gore and Bush. Under Gore's picture was the Hebrew transliteration of "Gore." Under W's picture was "Gore-Nischt."

A yiddish pun! I want this! Other than ebay, where can I find it?

Gene Weingarten: Ebay.

And yes, it's brilliant. "Gore-nischt," to my memory, basically means "Nuttin'"

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Prufrock: My husband of 24 years used to recite Prufrock to me while dating. thanks, it brought back a fond memory.

Gene Weingarten: I also have it memorized.

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Arlington, Va.: I assume you saw the abomination that was Godfather III. How does Thandie Newton's work in "W" compare to the horribleness that was Sofia Coppola in G-III? She was thrust into the role at the last minute because Winona Rider was too tired to fulfill her commitment (huh?) and performed like a deer with a high watt spotlight trained in her eyes at all time.

I was so happy for her when she found directing and had success on that side of the camera. However, I will have to see "W" just to see if Ms. Newton has replaced Ms. Coppola as worst performance by a serious actor in a serious film. I consider it a high bar to reach.

Gene Weingarten: It's a smaller role, so the comparison will be tarnished.

It's impossible to do any role worse than Thandie did this.

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Spit question: Asking you a health question is much easier than trying to find a doctor to ask, so... what does it mean when your saliva tastes metallic and your tongue is a bit numb, or thick feeling? This began a few weeks ago. I'm not on any medications and I feel fine, but it's unpleasant. Do I need to go to a doc or a dentist? Or just get used to it?

Gene Weingarten: Sounds like the onset of a cold or a minor nasal infection.

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You forgot...: Moot/Mute -- this is like nails on a chalkboard to me!!

Conversate/Converse

Gene Weingarten: Who the heck says conversate?

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It Drives Me Nuts: (not the steering wheel on the pirate's pants)

People who say their area of expertise is their "fort-ay". It ain't.

Gene Weingarten: I fixed that some years ago.

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Gaithersburg, Md.:"Little Dog Lost" -- Do you like this strip? I don't think much of it -- is it just me?

Gene Weingarten: I'm not ready to make a pronouncement. It is a character-driven strip, meaning you really need to know these guys before you can decide if you like 'em. I like how old and grouchy the tortoise is, and I like that there is an opportunistic vulture.

I haven't seen enough make-me-laugh gags yet. But I'm still watching.

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Annandale VA: In this week's poll, there should be some way to determine what part of the country the respondant is from --

Some of the mispronunciations could be merely the result of accent. For instance, both verbiage and foliage are both easily elided to remove the i syllable.

Some of the correct pronunciations are so uncommonly heard that they sound pretentious, or as we might say , stuck-up.

Gene Weingarten: Sorry, but "folage" and "verbage" are simply illiteracies. They are not regionalisms. They are utterances of people who think those are the right words.

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Surviving Oba, MA: To the conservative/Republican person last week who expressed angst and loathing at the thought of a President B.O., I can tell her how I'm approaching this apparent Democrat ascendancy: It won't last.

By my math, I give the Dems six years in power -- eight tops. By that time, our entitlement system will be crashing in on itself, because none of the liberals will want to "cut" Medicare and Social Security, even though they're paying out benefits that everyone knows we can't afford. The dollar will crash, interest rates (and mortgage rates) will rise, and Republicans will be called upon to fix the mess. It will pretty much be a repeat of what we're dealing with now, only cleaning up government rather than the private sector.

So the poster should just bide her time and take the long view -- it's what I'm doing...

Gene Weingarten: On Sept. 11, 2001, I turned to a coworker and said that I was really hoping that in three years I would vote for George W. Bush out of gratitude.

So.

Your views have been noted.

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Pronunciationville: I consider myself very well spoken but I can't figure out some of your pronunciation options.

What exactly is the difference between prerogative and perogative when spoken? Are you really articulating that r? If so, how? Is it like Pree-rogative? That sounds really wrong to me.

Who says Febooary? I say Feb-you-ary. I know I'm not pronouncing the r but really does anyone say "boo" like a ghost?

I predict that the ones that bother people the most will not correspond to the ones that they themselves are most likely to say.

Li-berry would get to me the most. I mean, really. Yes. I'm a bit of an elitist.

Gene Weingarten: You're not enough of an elitist if you do not hear the difference between prerogative and perogative. And no, it is not "pree" but yes, both r's should be clearly pronounced.

I am informed that more people say "asteriks" than say "asterik." Both pronunciations are wrong.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: In America at least, the primary accepted pronunciation is urb for herb. But an oregano-eating animal is A (not an) herbivore.

Who told you otherwise?

Gene Weingarten: It is?

A couple of websites swore it was Herb. Like Herb Tarlek.

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Long Beach, Calif.: They all looked like little kids doing impressions of famous people, aside from Brolin, Dreyfus and Cromwell, who was fabulous because he didn't even try to look like/imitate H.W.

Gene Weingarten: The guy who played Rove was the best of all. Totally nailed that character.

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Washington, D.C.:

The Republicans sent out video tapes touting McCain's wonderfulness. They used BETAMAX.

Gene Weingarten: By cracky, they have!

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Volkswagen: Have you seen any of the new Volkswagen commericals with Brook Sheilds? Here's one.

Am I being an oversensitive Jew to find them a little distasteful?

Gene Weingarten: To me, it's distasteful mostly because it's stupid.

If the couple had been Stanley and Leah Kaminsky, maybe it's also tasteless.

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think, IN: Gene

Is there such thing as an email affair? I think I'm getting involved in one where each of the two parties are sharing intimate - though not overtly sexual - sides of ourselves to seek validation from someone who is not our spouse. In real life we are over 1500 miles apart and haven't seen each other in 20+ years. Thought you might be a good person to ask with all of the virtual panties thrown your way. It feels good and safe now, just wondered what might be down the road.

Gene Weingarten: Everytime I express the opinion that there is nothing wrong with this sort of thing I get inundated by posts by indignant individuals who claim marriage permits no intimacy of thought whatsoever outside the bond.

So I won't say it this time.

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Washington, D.C.: How DO you say February? I have struggled with this all my life. It is my month of birth and it never seems to sound right no matter how I say it. I tried saying FebUary to fit in with my friends when I was younger, but that never seemed quite right as there was always that pesky R there. I say Feb-roo-ary now, which I suspect is closer to correct, but still doesn't feel right and often makes me feel pretentious, especially when others around me are pronounciating (just kidding) it differently. Usually I just try to say it very quickly, so that the middle sound is indistinguishable, so that my listening audience hears the important parts, the Feb and the ary. Please help me with this. I would define myself as an elitist when it comes to these matters, and while I try not to correct others because I want to still have friends, I hold myself to the highest standards. Thanks for bringing up this subject, Gene. It's a special one for me.

Gene Weingarten: February.

The dictionary also lists Febyouerry. Which I contemn.

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Herb: Who says "erb" is wrong? The two dictionaries I just checked listed both, with "erb" first. Merriam-Webster's says in the US it's usually "erb" and in Britain usually "herb."

Gene Weingarten: Okay, I guess we have hestablished that. Good. So I'm never wrong, after all.

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Washington, D.C.: Sometimes, I see a movie preview clip that is so awful, it guarantees that I will never see the movie. That's the case with 'W.' There was a scene about a Cabinet meeting -- I think they're discussing faulty intelligence on the war -- and Bush goes into his, 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice - you won't get fooled again' line. It's one that he only used in public once, and he stumbled over it so badly that it seemed clear that it wasn't one that he frequently used. But that clip seemed to suggest that he used it all the time, and stumbled over it just as badly in the same spot each time. I don't think so.

Gene Weingarten: The movie is immaturely filled with just exactly those moments, jammed in willy-nilly. Slam dunk is in there. So is misunderestimate.

It's a movie with a 97 IQ.

It has one great moment -- an extended scene -- very near the end.

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Gene Weingarten: There is also a nifty scene that is an in-joke for Spanish speakers. We see Bush talking Spanish to the wife of an injured soldier. The subtitles are in perfect English, but his Spanish is pidgin Spanish.

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Washington, D.C.: Gene Weingarten: It is? A couple of websites swore it was Herb. Like Herb Tarlek.

You relied on a couple of random web sites and didn't even bother to ask Pat the Perfect? Tsk. Tsk.

Gene Weingarten: I know shame.

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New York, NY:"Gene Weingarten: I like passing judgment on people who criticize others for errors in judgement when, in fact, the issue is a permitted variant."

Officially the smuggest thing ever typed in this or any chat ever.

Gene Weingarten: It's not smug so much as obnoxious and mannered and unfunny.

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Arlington, Va.: My forte is looking things up! The American Heritage Dictionary is my favorite because they have votes of a Usage Panel.

On forte, it says: "...the two-syllable version is widely accepted by educated speakers, and is preferred by 74 percent of the Usage Panel. -Those who use one syllable are] at an increasing risk of puzzling their listeners."

Gene Weingarten: I like that!

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Beta not Max:"Washington, D.C.:

The Republicans sent out video tapes touting McCain's wonderfulness. They used BETAMAX.

Gene Weingarten: By cracky, they have! "

Read the comments - they are not BetaMax, but modern professional grade digital video tapes whose format name happens to start with the word "Beta".

I'm still not voting for McCain, but give his campaign a little credit. I hope he needs all the credit he can get!

Gene Weingarten: Oh. Drat and tarnation.

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Palo Alto, CA: Re: Obama and Gay America

As I see it, your assertion at the end of last week's chat was this. Obama has certain views that he's sharing with most of the country. Then he has secret views that he's only sharing with a select part of the country. This part includes gay people and smart people. And they're all agreeing to keep the rest of the country in the dark, because they can't be trusted to make a decision based on all the facts.

I'm probably voting for Obama, but this is one of the reasons that I'm not terribly excited to do so.

Gene Weingarten: I didn't say that. I said there are things he believes that he cannot say. This has been true ever since people began running for office. To pretend that this is some great failing is to be very naive about politics.

Abe Lincoln could not say that he thought black people deserved an equal place in society. It would have killed him politically. Would you have preferred that he have said it, and not be elected?

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Pat the Perfect, ME: Gene Weingarten: It is?

A couple of websites swore it was Herb.

Note, people, that a professional writer, born 1951, when searching for a definitive ruling on the pronunciation of a word, now no longer thinks to look it up in a dictionary.

Gene Weingarten: We have already noted this. Thanks, Pat.

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Dr. Gene: I know you'll know this, O wise one. There are times when I am aware that I am not asleep, e.g., my mind is "awake". My husband will jostle me and tell me I'm snoring. How come I can't hear it if I'm not asleep? Why don't I hear snoring when I AM asleep -- there's apparently a lot of noise going on!

Gene Weingarten: This is true with me as well. Rib will inform me that I am snoring when I am patently COMPLETELY AWAKE.

She once proved it with a tape recorder. I am actually meeting with a memory expert this weekend, on an unrelated issue, and will ask and report back.

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Springfield, Va.: i don't understand the Volkswagon ads. I understand the words - but not the sense of it, certainly not enough to be offended. Will you explain, please?

Gene Weingarten: The suggestion is that women are getting pregnant so they can start a family and thus buy this spiffy VW SUV. But it doesn't actually explain why bringing her there is an "intervention." Moronic.

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McLean: I have not seen "W", but, based upon your description, Thandie Newton's performance may not be as horrid as you think.

Condoleezza Rice can come across as a bumblehead. My ex-wife encountered her during the transition in the basement of the transition building on G Street. Rice was attempting to find the door to the garage. According to my ex, Rice was totally disoriented, and was bumbling around the basement, trying to find the exit. This would have not been an issue if this had been Rice's first day in the building. However, this occurred about a month into the transition, when Rice had been shown the door to the garage several times. Apparently, Rice has neither directional nor spatial sense. That would easily lead to bobblehead behavior.

Gene Weingarten: See the movie, then report back.

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W and Thandie: Gene, every single review of that movie said both that it was bad and that Thandie Newton's performance was embarassingly bad. Why on earth did you waste the money? There are a lot of much better movies out that you could have seen. Life's too short to spend a few hours watching drek, no?

Gene Weingarten: I felt I had to see this movie for reasons related to my job.

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Misheard?: A woman I once worked with told me her mother had died from a combination of two conditions: ammonia and oldtimer's disease.

Gene Weingarten: Did she also have fireballs of the eucharist?

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Mispronunciations: Alas, you did not include the one my husband uses at least once a day: "acrosst" instead of "across." Yes, I have brought it to his attention, although I do not anymore because he doesn't even hear himself say it. Let's not even start on his regular usage of "could of went."

It does provides me with regularly occurring moments in which I, an English major and writer/editor, wonder why I married him. Then I consider my own flaws and go give him a kiss.

Gene Weingarten: Okay, this is cruel, but:

I could not marry someone who says "could of went."

Seriously.

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Rural Weddingsville, Va.: Hi Gene!

I am a reporter at a small weekly. Somehow, the tedious task of typing wedding announcements has fallen to me.

I just finished one, where the bride wore "a white taffeta strapless mermaid style gown with a sweetheart neckline." It was also "adorned with beaded lace embellishments featuring a ruched bodice that draped asymmetrically at the waist and a beaded motif accented the side front and back." I won't get into what her veil and bouquet looked like, or what the others in the wedding party wore.

I'm 23 and female, but I just don't get it. Why, Gene, do we have to print this?

Gene Weingarten: You have to print it because you work for fearful, unimaginative people who dare not take responsibility for change. So things are done as they always have been.

Also, it is essential to beat out of you any desire for creativity or edge. Resist it; this job will pass.

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W: I am embarrassed by GWB and his administration and how he has represented our country. However, I believe in having respect for the Office of the President of the United States and will not support (with my money) a movie that is so disrespectful to a President who is still in office. I hope I am not alone in this belief.

Gene Weingarten: You know, the rib and I were discussing this fact aftward; ultimately, this is a sympathetic portrayal. He is painted as an abject failure, but you feel sorry for him.

Still a lousy movie.

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Pronunciati, ON: If you watch a lot of sports on TV, you hear about a team's "resiliency," which drives me bat-poop because you say the same thing by using the word "resilience."

Also, maybe you can help me out. I have maintained for years that "awake" is an adjective, not a verb. A person is "awake," but he/she does not "awake" in the morning. Am I wrong?

Gene Weingarten: I think you might be wrong about awake.

I never understood discussing a pitcher's "repertory." They mean his repertoire, no?

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Not a Native: I figure you'll know the answer to this, or at least feign something interesting.

Why is there no J Street?

Gene Weingarten: It is not because Pierre L'enfant hated John Jay. That had long been the rumor, and it was a fine one, if completely unsupported by fact.

It's that handwritten I's and J's were nearly indistinguishable back then. People feared confusion. Apparently Thomas Jefferson even engraved many of his personal objets "T. I."

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DC: Do you know anyone who doesn't say "man-aise"? I don't. But then again...why do we say mayo, but not mayonaisse? I don't really like mayonaisse, so this is not so much of an issue for me. I also don't like Merkel Whip.

Gene Weingarten: Okay, prepare for a shock to your system:

The reason people say "mayo" is that the only correct pronunciation is "mayo-naise" and you and your elision-drunk friends are all mispronouncing it.

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Wait a second: The dictionary says a lot of the "mispronunciations" listed in your poll are valid pronunciations.

Now see here, buddy, you don't get to decide over the dictionary what constitutes a misuse of English just because you dislike some variants.

And don't argue that it's the matter of a liberal dictionary bending to to the whims of the rabble--some of these words have always had those pronunciation variants, and some of the ones you list as "misuse" are the primary variant.

And don't say it's about hewing to a word's spelling, because I bet you look down on people who pronounce the "t" in "often."

Gene Weingarten: The reason I didn't include off-ten is that the dictionary -- driven by flagrant mispronouncers -- has begun to list that godawful variant.

Where else in this list do you find the same thing? I tried to avoid it. I require examples. You all are deputized.

Gene Weingarten: Aaargh. I see "folage," which is illiterate, is now not illiterate.

Any others? I have tried most.

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Re: Language Evolution argument: Language DOES evolve. There is a reason we don't all walk around talking about "al-oo-min-ee-um" soda cans or saying "thee" or speaking in German. The notion that there are rules to enforce is only a matter of cleaning things up, to streamline communication. The people who insist upon rules of grammar and pronunciation are not elitist, though they wish they were. To be an elite you have to have a reason to claim a something is better than another and argue it validly. You have to know why you like things. Opera is better than NASCAR because it relies on emotion and aesthetics and nuance, whereas NASCAR does not. The same cannot be said for feeling "mirror" is better than "meer" because "it's the correct pronunciation." They're entrenched reactionaries. They're snobs, but they don't know why. Language changes, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Not even if you're French, who have an academy just for deciding the correct things about languages. The rules of language came after people decided something worked and we developed a linguistic taxonomy for them, not the other way around.

Gene Weingarten: I agree with all of this. But what is depressing is that so many things evolve due to ignorance.

Many dictionaries now list "infer" as a synonym for "imply," rather than its opposite. This is because of decades of ignorant misuse. Sorry, but I don't feel like celebrating this.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: Dear Wedding Reporter:

YOU HAVE A JOB IN JOURNALISM! It's a rare thing these days.

Gene Weingarten: Sigh. A girl weighs in.

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Drug, AD: Gene--Have you seen the commercials for this medication called "Abilify"? I wonder if I'm the only person out there who thinks this sounds like a word that George W. Bush coined to describe one of his policies: "By ousting Saddam Hussein, we will abilify the Iraqis to democrafy themselves." "No Child Left Behind will abilify our kids to be taught gooder English."

Gene Weingarten: That reminds me: What is "salsify" all about? That sure doesn't sound like a foodstuff.

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Greater Green Bay, Wis.: RE: Virginia wedding ... I remember reading years ago about a wedding announcement submitted by a groom's mother that went on for several paragraphs about the particular gray in his tuxedo, his silk tie, the make of the buttons and provenance of the cufflinks he wore...and ended with "The bride wore the usual white."

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahaha.

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Elision City: Are you trying to piss off as many of us as possible? Is this some evil prank for the purpose of an upcoming column?

Gene Weingarten: I acknowledge the obnoxiousness of my stance.

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J Street: The explanation of I and J being too similar has always made sense to me. However, why is "Eye Street" commonly used when they don't need to distinguish it from a "Jay Street"?

Gene Weingarten: Because i looks like one.

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Houston Texas: Re foot/hand confusion: I also tried the do the same thing with my left hand and left foot (I am right-handed) with the same result. However, when I use the opposite hand/foot combo, I could do it. Weird.

Gene Weingarten: I shall ask the memory expert about this, too.

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Southerner in Boston: What's your position on "might could"? This is a usage that puzzled my Bostonian wife no end when we first started dating, but I have now got not only her but her sister saying it.

Personally, I think it's a fine bit of phrasing, and anyone who thinks otherwise can bite me.

Gene Weingarten: I first encountered this 15 years ago when writing a big story about Clinton's father. I reached the key interview, a guy in Texas, I believe, who had witnessed the accident that took the dad's life.

He said, as i heard it "I might've could've saved him."

Someone on the copy desk, from the same region, caught it, and persuaded me that I must've gotten the quote wrong. That "might could've" was a very strong regionalism.

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Baltimore:"Many dictionaries now list "infer" as a synonym for "imply," rather than its opposite. This is because of decades of ignorant misuse. Sorry, but I don't feel like celebrating this."

First of all, yuck. I can't believe that dictionaries are doing such a thing.

Second of all, "infer" and "imply" aren't "opposites," exactly, but of course your point is well-taken.

Lastly, language and meaning shifts aren't to be celebrated, nor are they necessarily to be disparaged. They just ARE. They change all the time - always have, always will.

Gene Weingarten: Right, but not all emerge from flagrant misuse and ignorance.

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J St, D.C.: You had an article a while back on the Department of Hoaxes at Commerce, I think? In this article, I seem to recall that Ms. Hoax Boss said that there was no J St. because Corcoran ran around moving all the street signs in the middle of the night so that he could name a street after himself. When the sun rose, he was holding the J St. sign and tossed it in the river. Not true?

Gene Weingarten: No, I made that up. The entire column was made up, for April Fool's day.

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Often - With a T: I guess you call that thing you get on your birthday a "giff".

What a dope.

Gene Weingarten: So you say "lis-ten," too, eh?

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Will you: watch the world series?

Gene Weingarten: No.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: For some reason, those silly dictionaries accept the pronunciation "di-sect" for "dissect," when obviously the prefix is dis- and the word breaks into syllables as dis-sect.

I guess it has to do with the fact that 99 percent of people pronounce it disect, as in bisect. I would venture that none of them ever thought about it. I always say dis-sect, but just to be ptheppy. It's not as if I think they're all illiterates.

Gene Weingarten: And the great Obama pronounces divisive with the middle syllable rhyme with "miss." Can someone check and confirm this is wrong?

Should sound like divide, right? Not division?

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Noo Yawkism: So, Gene, do you know what "from hunger" means?

Gene Weingarten: I do. And no one else out there from elsewhere does, right?

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College Park: On this dumb new show on NBC, "Kath and Kim," which isn't funny, Molly Shannon, who in real life is 44 years old, is cast as the mother of a character played by Selma Blair--who in real life is 36 years old. Selma Blair is absolutely beautiful, and hot, but, well, she looks like a woman in her mid 30s, and Molly, who is attractive, looks, well, like a woman in her early 40s. They do not look in any way like a mother and daughter. They look like sisters or suburban next-door-neighbors. What is wrong with the eyesight of the show's producers and NBC morons? It's just dumb.

Gene Weingarten: In "W," Josh Brolin plays "W" at the age of 57, and also at the age of 19. It really, really doesn't work.

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Mispronounciation: I marked February as one of the most commonly mispronounced words, although I think your description is incorrect - I hear Febyoo-ery far more often than Feboo-ery, and have been known to use it myself on occasion, though I know better.

Gene Weingarten: Again, I didn't use that one because the egregious dictionaries now say Feb-YOU-erry is fine.

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Del Ray, VA: So - I asked this a few months ago - and I'm not sure if you covered it already. If you did - please post again and just give me the answer - Please!!!

I read/overheard/saw something about women should sleep at night without underwear (in fact my friend's kids - a boy and a girl - wear PJ's - but no underwear to bed).

I've always worn both my underwear and pj's - and for all you people who talk about how great it is to sleep naked - I get cold. Really cold - I need the clothes, my sheets and my down blanket.

At this point (37) this isn't something I'm comfortable asking either my doctor or any of my friends - so you are the last resort!

If it is "unhealthy" to wear underwear 23 1/2 hours a day - then frankly I must be used to it becuase I haven't had one of those problems in many, many, years.

THANKS!

Gene Weingarten: I seem to remember that the discussion focused on sleeping in cotton undies (good) versus man-made fabrics (bad). Do I misremember?

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Somewhere: I have not told my husband that I have cheated on him, more than once, over the course of our marriage (seven years this June). In many ways, we do have a loving relationship, but in the last three years, our sex life has been pushed way back on the list of priorities. I feel like I have tried initiate way more than he ever does, and have talked about getting couples' counseling. Still, I feel tremendous guilt about the sexual encounters I have had with other men, and I think if I do tell him he will leave me. I understand why he would. These were not emotional relationships with other men, and I remain very much in love with my husband, I want our marriage to work. We have no kids yet, but have been thinking about it.

So, the only friends I have spoken to about this say that I have to tell him, and I imagine you and the rest of the chatters would agree. I don't know how to do this, how to change the entire course of our lives here, and knowing that I am so much responsible for it all, I'm terrified.

If it matters, it has been three different men that I have been with for short-lived trysts. I fully believe that I would never do this again, but I cannot expect anyone else to believe me. Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

Gene Weingarten: I am not even going to try to answer this. I just don't know how I feel about it.

I will put it out to the group.

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Memory expert: I've always wanted to talk to a person like this. Here's the reason: I was 7 when President Kennedy was assassinated, and the reason that I remember the days of that week so clearly is that my father died a few days beforehand. In my very clear, distinct memory, their funerals were held on the same day. Because children often weren't taken to funerals in those days, my brothers and I stayed at home -- watched over by an aunt. Again, very clearly, I remember watching the president's funeral procession with my aunt while all the others were gone.

That memory has stayed with me my entire life, and I talked about it with my mother recently. "That's interesting," my mother said, "because it's not what happened." Evidently, their funerals were held two days apart. So how do I account for this? The realization that my memory was so wrong was shocking, and I can't account for it.

I don't know why you're interviewing him, but if it's on a similar track, I'm looking forward to the story.

Gene Weingarten: This doesn't surprise me. You are conflating two enormous events in your life that happened nearly simultaneously.

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Re: Gene Weingarten: I agree with all of this. But what is depressing is that so many things evolve due to ignorance. : Me again.

But ignorance is fine. Language is an ad hoc system of communication. New words pop up all the time. Meanings change. Sometimes they flip. And you, for the most part, will still be able to know what someone is talking about.

Why don't we celebrate this? Flexibility? Inventiveness? Creativity? You may call it ignorance and mistakes, but I know the rules. I was an English major, I work as an editor. I correct mistakes because I'm paid to. But spoken language is wonderful and beautiful when it is fast and jarring and inventive and combative.

I know I should get off on being right. I usually do, but not about this. For me, it is a sosoome, or however you spell it.

Gene Weingarten: Sosumi.

Maybe that word gets in the dic in about 20 years. I think I might have coined it.

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Regionalism?: I've heard "on tomorrow" from a couple of people in Louisiana. As in, "I'll have that report for you on tomorrow" instead of simply "tomorrow."

Also, from Kentuckians, I've heard, "Would you mind to do that for me?" instead of "Would you mind doing that for me?"

Regional or just wrong?

Gene Weingarten: Not sure.

My friend Tim Belknap uses "meant" and "supposed to" interchangably. As in, "Crud, I was meant to stop at the store before going home."

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Undies at night: Better not to. Pajamas are okay, because they are loose. Cotton is better than man-made.

Gene Weingarten: Okay.

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Springfield, VA: Two comments...first, you would be surprised how many people actually say "conversate". It drives me up a wall and as I type this, even my spellchecker catches it !

Also, I used to say mayo...wrong all the time. Until I saw An Officer and a Gentleman and I will NEVER get the sound of "MAYO NAISSE" out of my head, as screamed by Louis Gossett Jr to Richard Gere. It always helps me remember how to pronounce it correctly.

Gene Weingarten: Couple of people have mentioned this scene. I don't remember it.

Boy, I hated that movie.

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Knoxville, Tenn.: Gene,

This game is ever-so-addictive. My best score so far is 3.89.

I'm not sure what would make someone better or worse at the game, though I'm finding that I do better with practice.

Gene Weingarten: I love this game. I got a 3.4. I keep screwing up on the centerpoint of the triangle.

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Re Somewhere: You need to speak to a therapist first, to figure out whether you should even stay in your marriage. You can't be sure you won't cheat again, and then if you have told him about the first three times and sworn not to do it again, your marriage will be toast. If you decide to stay and work on it, you work with your therapist to figure out whether to tell him. I would be devastated if my husband had cheated, even for the reasons you describe, and I am a great believer in honesty. I'm just not sure that you talk to him first about it.

Gene Weingarten: Okay.

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re: affairs: I think you have to ask whether telling him does anything other than make him feel bad and lessen the burden of your guilt. If that's the only reason to tell him, don't. I do think you should start going to counseling to find out what is really causing you to have affairs instead of trying to fix whatever is going on in your marriage. And, yeah, something is wrong with your marriage. It's either fixable or it isn't. Counseling will help you figure out which is the case.

Gene Weingarten: A similar thought. Thank you.

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Poorly Verb, AL: Ha! I'll tell you what really crisps my quesadillas: "hone in on." I hear it all the time now. I hear it on NPR, where I always assumed that the hosts and reporters have some education. My mistake. It's "home," people! "Home!" HOME in on. Like a homing pigeon, for goodness' sake. A honing pigeon? That would be something to see!

Perhaps I need more caffeine in my diet.

Gene Weingarten: Indeed.

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Herndon, Va.: How about crayon as crown? I hate that one! (and for the record, I'm one of the few that said it bothers me a lot, and I am completely right)

Gene Weingarten: Tom the Butcher, man of lost syllables, pronounces it "cran."

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Columbus, Ohio: When did people start using "went missing"? Why can't they just say the person 'disappeared'?

Gene Weingarten: Oooh, that is a MAJOR bugaboo of The Rib.

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Alexandria, VA: For the cheating wife: yes, it is possible for a marriage to recover from infidelity and become stronger than ever, but it's hard. (It took several years in my case)

I would find a good marriage couselor, and meet with him/her alone to decide the best way to share the truth.

You can't get away with not telling the truth at this point - this is not some minor slip. At some level you know full well that if you don't get help, you are going to do it again and again, until you get caught. Better to try and tackle the problems directly than subject your husband to that.

And whatever you do, DON"T have kids. Whatever strains are already in the marriage, kids make worse. Too many people think otherwise.

Gene Weingarten: Okay.

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Capitol Hill: Gene, I saw you and the Rib at metro center on Saturday night. Let me be the latest to say nice job, and, how in the hell did you swing that?

Gene Weingarten: I don't know. I have never figured it out.

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Cheatin' Somewhere: Don't tell your husband. Just don't.

You should feel like a zit on a turd for cheating on him. And that guilt is what you get to live with for cheating on him. Don't foist this information on him to alleviate your guilt a bit by coming clean. His trust in you (and likely women in general) will be shattered. His view of you, his marriage and your sex life will be forever tarnished. Live with your guilt and keep it to yourself.

And finally, why don't you think you will do it again? It seems that something is missing in your relationship and that you simply require that something. I would definitely try and fix that something prior to having kids because most serial cheaters do get caught and the only thing worse than dumping your guilt on this man and basically forcing him to dump your cheating behind is to be caught cheating by this man and basically forcing him to dump your cheating behind when there is now a kid involved.

Gene Weingarten: Also, okay.

Thank you all for trying here.

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For Somewhere: Deal with it now, please.

I had three short affairs over many years for much the same reasons you describe--saying it was just physical and I had no intention to leave my husband.

The fourth one, though it started the same way, ended up being the catalyst for my leaving my husband. I spent 8 years with that man in what was in many ways an unfulfilling relationship to justify my awful behavior. I felt horribly guilty and it took me years to forgive myself.

I am now happy in a second marriage, and I guess that bumpy road is what it took me to get here, but I am not proud of what I did to my first husband in my self-delusion.

Gene Weingarten: I'm liking the variation.

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Gore-nischt: Having read your chats for years, I noticed something about all the Yiddish words that come up. New York Yiddish is EXACTLY like German with a very, very thick Viennese accent. There are some exceptions, notably in very common words. But really, it's astounding. I myself life in Vienna, Austria and looked it up-- apparently, everyone who lives here already knew that. Does EVERYONE know this??? Have you ever been to Vienna? You ort to.

Gene Weingarten: I've always felt yiddish sounds like German as uttered by someone with severe cramps.

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Gotcha, AK: Yesterday's Doonesbury, with Zonker's nephew ducking his prof's question, is an all time great. How could it not be a CPOW? I imagine anyone already out of the education system who read it was filled with envy with the realization that Ms Palin has added a new weapon to the student's arsenal of avoidance.

washingtonpost.com: Doonesbury, ( Oct. 20)

Gene Weingarten: It was fine. Not a CPOW.

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Arlington: Gene --

Love the chats. Not to confuse you with Michael Dirda, but if you're interested in issues of pronunciation and word meaning, you should check out "The Mother Tongue," by Bill Bryson. It's basically an exploration of what English is, and how it came to be, in Bryson's own inimitable way. I love reading it, because I learn at least one new fact on every page. As I recall, there is a great chapter on how word meaning shifts over time, due to usage -- all of which suggests your concern over "infer vs. imply" (which I share) is completely futile.

All the best!

Gene Weingarten: I love Bryson and haven't read this yet. Will.

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In li, NE: One regionalism that especially drives me nuts is New Yorkers standing "on line." And the main thing that bugs me about it is that NOBODY says that outside the Tri-State Area, but you Eastern Media Elites are way overrepresented in the national media, so it's crammed down our throats.

Gene Weingarten: I am constantly editing my own copy to turn "on line" into "in line." I believe next Sunday's column held this regionalism until the last minute of editing.

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Coc, KY: If, I say if, because we all dread some errant event, the Brady effect and the possibility the pollsters are just wrong, but IF, only IF, Obama wins the sweeping electoral college mandate you predicted, before the August slump, the Palin boomlet and the dramatic economic events of the past 4 weeks, how insufferable do you plan on being?

Gene Weingarten: It will mark the first time in my life that I have presciently and correctly predicted a major political event.

Sadly, I am never going to take full credit because I did not anicipate the meltdown, and without it, I think these things would be much closer now. What I do feel I was right about, earlier than anyone else, was calling the unmitigated disaster of the Palin choice. Within two hours of the leak of her name, while others were mulling her "compelling personal narrative," The Gene Pool asked "Sarah Palin -- Complete Disaster or Monstrous Gaffe?" A couple days later, as the Sarah boomlet swelled, The Gene Pool asked "Sarah Problem Here?"

Okay, so, yeah. There will be some inappropriate backpatting on this end.

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US of A: Gene, I didn't get a chance to chat last week due to work (the horror!) but I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you (and fling my hot panties at you). Last week you called out McCain on his comment and his general distaste towards Arabs. It's heartening to see that most people aren't willing to put up with this sort of indirect racism. So thanks again!

Gene Weingarten: And Colin Powell called him out on the Muslim thing! What's wrong with being a Muslim?

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Arlington: I am less irritated by pronunciations that elide a word or syllable (which is perfectly normal for words, and how they change, a la bedlam from Bethleham) than I am by mispronunciations that show someone is simply not bothering to read carefully and thus transposing or adding letters.

One of my students used to talk about "anticdotes," which I assume is a story told really quickly.

Gene Weingarten: I once worked in a small newspaper office where one of the copy editors insisted that stories have "antidotes." As in, little complete narratives within the story.

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, I copy us down.

Thank y'all. I will be updating through the week. I hope the reluctantly cheatin' lady has gotten some helful advice.

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Yiddish: I thought I heard it was combination of German and phlegm.

Gene Weingarten: German and MORE phlegm.

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UPDATED 10.22.08

Gene Weingarten: We start today with this great email from Katharine Liu --

Two years ago, I was a grad student at The Shakespeare Institute, and we put on a student production of "Othello". The word "student" is important here: most of us were academics, not actors, and the show was an extracurricular activity on the level of pick-up soccer.

Someone must have thought the venue made it important, because today I found a professor's review in the highly respected "Shakespeare Bulletin." What makes this review special is that, despite a few lines about the other characters, this guy essentially based an ENTIRE scholarly article on the fact that Kelly, the hot 20-something actress who played Desdemona, was clearly wearing a THONG beneath her costume. The view of the thong began with Desdemona's entrance, continued when she addressed her father, and apparently crescendoed when she turned away from the audience. This all took no more than 30 seconds of a two-hour play.

What's hilarious is how the reviewer tries to place his ordinary horndoggery under the auspices of scholarly interest. He speculates that "The Thong" represents a deliberate attempt to complicate Desdemona's "performed sensuality/virtuosity", or to pose "problematic, perhaps unanswerable" questions about 21st century productions of "Othello", or to demand "a level of audience negotiation between sheer distraction and informed, if problematic, directorial concept."

Only at the end of the article does he admit that, after interviewing both the director and the actress, he found out that the visible thong represented nothing more than an accidental wardrobe-transparency malfunction.

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Gene Weingarten: I am grateful to Henry Chen for this, which he aptly labels "a personification of willful stupidity."

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BBFL: I thought you might be interested to know that I presently have only one nipple. There was a "nipple incident" during my breast reduction surgery last Monday. The left one turned out great. The right one is good, except for the fact the nipple is not technically attached to my body.

You know what makes me the happiest, Gene? When I am at the computer, or at a table eating dinner, it is now completely possible to spill food on the napkin that polite society has deemed the lap the appropriate place for those things. I can't tell you how many shirts have food spillage where my "fun bags" used to be. I can look down and see my feet. I can go jogging (when fully reattached and recovered, obviously) and not have to wear Oprah's Yentl Bra. It uses the philosophy that keeping the breasts as close to the body as possible will prevent the effects of time in joggers. It binds

A few last words. You know the line in the movie "Knocked Up" where Seth Rogan says that having a breast reduction is like slapping god in the face? I could go on and on with an expletive-laden response, but I will say this -- you (men) try carrying 20 pounds around your necks all day, every day and night for 40 years on the off chance you might get sex. Gene, please tell me men wouldn't actually do that. They may be horny, but I think laziness trumps horniness in this situation. Even if the answer is yes, I haven't had sex in 10 years, so it's about time I chopped them off like I should have done 15 years ago. They sure weren't doing me any good.

And the writer of the movie, I believe it was Judd Apatow, should seriously rethink his version of funny. I happened to recently get cash to enable me to have the surgery, but every week you can see examples of women who suffer from this very affliction right before they say, "MOVE THAT BUS!" I swear one woman was about to give herself a concusssion and broken kneecaps in one jump.

I will advise you of the nipple situation next Monday or Tuesday. I have pictures (for purely scientific purposes, let me assure you) if you would like to see them. I'll take that as a no.

Gene Weingarten: I am speechless. About all of it, but especially the temporarily missing right nipple. In a later e-mail, this woman informs us that the doctor has told her it will take another couple of weeks before the nipple will be reattached.

Speechless. Thank you for sharing and please keep us abreast of further developments.

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Sister's question: So last night I get a call from my sister with the following question. How wide is your typical poo? Carrot, banana or zucchini in width? This is something she and her husband had been discussing and felt only really comfortable asking me. Well I agreed with my sister (bananna) but that could be biological so could you open this question to all of your readers? That would give a better cross section of the population

Gene Weingarten: This reminds me of the medical tomes I read when researching my hypochondria book; some include a poop diameter index, and I recall that "pencil thin" is a variety of stool one wishes not to have. Persistent pencil diameter stool can be a sign of colon cancer.

I think, though, that the dimensions and topology of poop varies with many different factors. I personally have experienced the banana, the summer squash, the Twizzler and even, rarely, the pomegranate.

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Anonymous: from this AM WTOP news.

Deputies found numerous bottles and boxes of alcohol at the house. A 17-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy were suffering side effects from consuming alcohol and were taken to local hospitals as a precaution.

I thought the side effects were the next day...

Gene Weingarten: Good point.

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Onst, AR: Gene,

My sister in law sent me this story regarding a good friend of hers. Might provide a good InstaPoll question about what the chatters would do in the same situation.

"As part of her job, she frequently travels within the region to give presentations to various groups. Recently, she was asked to drive to a city about an hour and a half from home to give a 45 minute presentation on a Saturday. After the presentation, she would be done for the day so she brought along her husband and son, thinking they could have lunch together and maybe see a movie--make a day of it. And, as a bonus, she could drive the company car and not have to pay for gas.

She dropped husband and son off at a nearby mall and went to the hotel where she would be giving her presentation. She told them she would meet them back at the same entrance in an hour or so.

The presentation went smoothly and as she was gathering her things she realized she should probably make a stop in the ladies room before she left for the mall. While in the restroom, she somehow managed to drop the car key in the toilet. This is the key to the company car, mind you.

She's sitting there, contemplating her options. She realizes almost immediately that the only option is reaching in for it. After all, it's the key to the company car, she's stranded an hour and a half from home, not to mention her husband and son stuck at the mall waiting for her, and her cell phone is locked inside the company car because she never brings it in during presentations. So even though it's icky-, she takes a deep breath, stands up and...the toilet is an automatic flusher and the key is gone."

Gene Weingarten: I was wondering where this was going. Good end, as it were.

Her dilemma, however, was a no-brainer; in my Hypochondria book, my dentist recounted a patient who had to face a more difficult decision. He had accidentally swallowed his bridgework. His choice was to pay a couple thousand dollars for new bridgework, or to wait until he passed it naturally, to clean it up as best he could, and then pop it back in his mouth.

Frugality prevailed.

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UPDATED 10.23.08

Fairfax, Va.: Gene, what is the difference between "systematic" and "systemic"?

Gene Weingarten: They are actually very different words.

Systematic means orderly, carefully planned, etc. Systemic means dealing with an entire system. A systemic disease clambers throughout the body and affects different organ systems.

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Prufrock & the New Yorker: Many years ago, probably in the early to mid-80s, the New Yorker had a drawing of two surgeons at an operating table, one saying to the other something like "you know, he does look like an evening spread out against the sky". I regret not cutting that out and saving it. I've searched on the Web site for New Yorker drawings and cannot find it. It's lost to time.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha.

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Washington, D.C.: I'm troubled by the Dagwood/Dithers relationship. Dagwood seems to be a terrible employee, and yet Dithers not only tolerates is work-day napping and general goofing off, but invites himself over for dinner. What gives? Why hasn't Dithers given Dagwood a severance package?

Also, I enjoy "Big Nate."

Gene Weingarten: You are right - there is a logical disconnect. Mr. Dithers acts like a sniveling bureaucrat who hires incompetents so as to not threaten himself. But Dithers owns the company!

My theory is that he is manipulating his own company's stock, trying to keep it overvalued so as to prevent a hostile takeover. So long as his staff appears incompetent, investor confidence will be suppressed.

I welcome other theories. I know mine is weak.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Gene! Being a lover of all things dog, I thought you might enjoy this new site.

Gene Weingarten: I LOVE this site. It takes a few moments to orient yourself and see what is so ... odd about it.

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He is painted as an abject failure, but you feel sorry for him: Why feel sorry for anyone who's an abject failure?

Gene Weingarten: This is about "W."

Because he was also a victim; a man-boy who could never win his father's respect. Because he was doomed to this condition almost from birth, and because, within his limited capacities, rose above it.

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Gene's take on this image: Do you find this image funny or disturbing?

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahahaha.

Okay, funny, I guess.

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UPDATED 10.24.08

Alexandria, Va: "Why? Because he had liked what had happened there the day before, when his semen was extracted for a mating."

You're kidding, right? What, were his legs broken or something?

Gene Weingarten: It is actually a poignant story. Here is is, directly from the Old Dogs book, copyright Simon & Schuster:

This is a breathtaking tale of yearning and desire, of daring and adventure, of the triumph of will. We're going to tell it in 200 words. Warning: It's R-rated.

When Stanley the Jack Russell terrier was young and handsome, he was chosen to sire a litter. Alas, Stanley had the enthusiasm, but not the height, to properly woo the lovely but comparatively statuesque Hayley. No coupling occurred.

And so was arranged a different sort of conjugal event, at a veterinarian's office. There, in Hayley's presence but without her cooperation, through the practiced hand of a medical professional, Stanley was induced to surrender that which was needed.

The following evening, when Debbie returned from work, Stanley was nowhere to be found. On her answering machine was a message from the vet: Stanley was on the front doorstep, wagging his tail hopefully. He had jumped a six-foot fence and run two miles through busy streets to get there.

These days, in his senescence, Stanley sometimes gets a little a little foggy about where he is and where he is going. He can get lost. But he'll never lose the nickname he's carried ever since his Grand Adventure:

Manly Stanley.

(What I love about this story, among other things, is the presence of Hayley in the room. Why was she there? Essentially, as porn.)

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From Hunger: Wiktionary entry.

Gene Weingarten: Until this very moment, the expression was only known to New Yorkers or former New Yorkers.

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Mirr, OR: Gene Weingarten: I acknowledge the obnoxiousness of my stance.

Okay, but do you acknowledge that it's also a willfully ignorant, or at the least inconsistent, stance? Unless you cough up some explanation about "meer".

Gene Weingarten: Happily. "Meer" is a lazy and indefensible pronunciation of "mirror."

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Seriously: "I could not marry someone who says 'could of went.'"

That's because you are a pompous prick who apparently doesn't own a mirror.

Gene Weingarten: You mean a "meer."

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Next Week's Chat

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