Chatological Humor: Krauthammer and TP. Sosumi. (UPDATED 11.14.08)

aka Tuesdays With Moron

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Gene Weingarten's humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in The Washington Post magazine. It is syndicated nationally by the Washington Post Writers Group.

At one time or another, Below the Beltway has managed to offend persons of both sexes as well as individuals belonging to every religious, ethnic, regional, political and socioeconomic group. If you know of a group we have missed, please write in and the situation will be promptly rectified. "Rectified" is a funny word.

On Tuesdays at noon, Gene is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is updated regularly throughout the week, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

This Week's Poll: MEN | WOMEN

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Important, secret note to readers: The management of The Washington Post apparently does not know this chat exists, or it would have been shut down long ago. Please do not tell them. Thank you.

Weingarten is also the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca.

New to Chatological Humor? Read the FAQ.

P.S. If composing your questions in Microsoft Word please turn off the Smart Quotes functionality or use WordPad. I haven't the time to edit them out. -- Liz

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

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Dear Charles Krauthammer:

As a fellow pundit, I understand the temptation to make extreme, unsupportable pronouncements for the sake of drama or in the heat of political passion. I, for example, have written on more than one occasion that the current vice president of the United States is Lucifer the Dastard, Harvester of Souls. I confess today in the light of reason that I cannot prove this, however likely it might be.

Moreover, I sympathize with the impulse to overstate the virtues a person at his or her funeral. On the tongue of the compassionate eulogist, even a juiceless reprobate attains a little virtue and personality.

So, in short, I do understand what you did and why you did it. It still doesn't make it any more defensible. You must be spanked for it. I shall do so now.

In your last column you declared John McCain "the most worthy presidential candidate ever to be denied the prize."

Had you confined the field of candidates to only those, say, in your lifetime, you would merely have been mistaken. But "ever" transforms error into folly. It dishonors your venerable column, with which I never agree but which almost always admire.

"Worthy" is a word that allows for broad interpretation. The dictionary says: "Estimable," "honorable," and "deserving." In the context at hand, I'll add, "fit to serve."

It is not necessary to denigrate John McCain in order to establish the enormity of your overstatement. For the purpose of this argument I will stipulate that McCain qualifies as "worthy." This requires me to ignore the ghastliness of his vice presidential selection, which I consider reckless, irresponsible, opportunistic, deeply cynical, misogynistic, lascivious, contemptuous of the public's intelligence, and, most to the point, unpatriotic. It was a raised middle finger to the rest of the nation.

However, your problem here is not in praising McCain, who is in most other ways praiseworthy. Your problem, as I have said, is your unjustifiable use of the superlative. John McCain is a former war hero and an able United States senator who was reprimanded only once for ethics violations, and who will mostly be remembered, if he is remembered at all, for that ludicrous vice presidential choice, and for some bill about the intricacies of campaign finance reform (creating a law that you hate and would like to see repealed.)

Below is a list of guys you have declared him more worthy than.

Ready, Charles?

Good! This will hurt a little.

1. Henry Clay. Founder of the Whig party, one of the earliest supporters of freeing slaves, visionary leader, champion of a strong and indivisible union, a giant figure in American history, unsullied by scandal, admired even by his enemies. In 1957 a U.S. Senate committee chaired by John F. Kennedy named Clay one of the five greatest senators in American history. Among Clay's most vocal admirers was Abraham Lincoln.

2. Daniel Webster. Hey, Charles, guess what? Webster is also on that list of five! He was also a little more articulate than McCain, and forever immortalized as a great lawyer and orator in the play "The Devil and Daniel Webster." A speech he gave in 1830, on the issue of nullification, is generally regarded as the greatest speech ever given in Congress, immortalized in more than one painting. (Andrew Wyeth never painted "McCain delivers the McCain-Feingold Act.") Oh, yeah, Webster was one of the biographies in "Profiles in Courage." JFK called his defense of the 1850 compromise, despite the risk to his presidential ambitions and the denunciations he faced from the north, one of the "greatest acts of courageous principle" in the history of the Senate.

3. Samuel J. Tilden, from whom the presidency was corruptly stolen in 1876 but whose patriotism remained so stalwart that he instructed his allies to accept the decision in the interest of national harmony, and to avoid a constitutional crisis. His tombstone reads: "I Still Trust in The People". He was a great fighter against political corruption.

4. Alfred E. Smith, one of the most dedicated political reformers in the 20th century, destroyer of the sweatshop. "Smith is the best of all of these on your list," says a friend of mine who is a presidential historian and has researched the life of Smith.

5. Charles Evans Hughes. Lessee, before his unsuccessful campaign against Woodrow Wilson, Hughes served as a justice of the Supreme Court. After his loss, he returned to the court as its chief justice. So he was a pretty worthy guy. He boldly led the resistance to FDR's craven political attempt to pack the Supreme Court. He was a conservative, but a highly principled one: He extended the definition of slavery to include peonage, which were horrendous conditions of servitude,. And he wrote the visionary opinion declaring that prior restraint of the press was unconstitutional. If you can define worthiness in part by who thinks you are worthy, Hughes's closest colleagues on the court were Lewis Brandeis, Harlan Fiske Stone and Benjamin Cardozo.

I do think it curious, Charles, that you didn't consider as more worthy Barry Goldwater, the patron saint, and conscience, of the neoconservative movement. And you'll note I didn't even try to make the case for Al Gore or Adlai Stevenson, though I personally find them "worthier" than McCain. We'd never agree on them, anyway. And I didn't need them to make my case. Did I?

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In my column on Sunday I mentioned the time I had pulled over to the side of the Beltway to photograph my odometer at 123456.7.

I searched for that picture to use in the chat today, but, tragically, could not find it. Fortunately, there are other men out there.

Paul Starzynski sent me this. Paul didn't even pull over to get this. He took the picture as his wife was driving.

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Here is a copy of the new cover of the New Yorker, celebrating the Age of Obama. This is of note not only because it is beautiful and brilliant, but because it was drawn by Bob Staake, the guy who scribbles those silly googly-eyed people in The Style Invitational. Isn't versatility great?

We have two CLODs today. The first is possibly not safe for work, depending on where you work. It is one of the most awesome examples of cognitive dissonance you will ever see: On the air, Joe Scarborough utters the F-word but doesn't realize he said it. He thinks he said "the F word," whereas his brain actually blurted the f-word. Watch his eyes as it finally dawns on him.

The second CLOD is a repeat from last week's update, because I want to make sure everyone has seen it. I cannot watch it, even repeatedly, without laughing. It is brilliant silent comedy, worthy of Chaplin, but the director here was a security camera. Note how the drunkenness of the participants contributes to the exaggeration of their movements. Note the use of cigarettes. Note everything. It's so great.

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Please take today's poll (MEN | WOMEN). And after you do please take TODAY'S INSTAPOLL, which makes up for some burning questions the first poll should have addressed.

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The Comic Pick of the week is Doonesbury's semi-daring, very funny drawn-weeks-in-advance strip on the day after election day.

First Runner Up is Sunday's Nonseq. Honorables: today's Brewster Rockit, Sunday's Argyle Sweater.

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Hamburger is not Ste,AK: If you are worried about food poisoning at all, then the last question was impossible to answer because there is no equivalence between steak and hamburger of any quality.

Steak: Rare to MedRare. Sear the outside and you've killed any germs on the surface (there are no germs INSIDE the muscle).

Hamburger: MedWell to Well. All hamburger, no matter the quality of meat, has been ground so that the outsides are now mixed throughout the insides. If you're not cooking the hamburger all the way through, then you'd might as well be eating it raw.

Totally unrelated, does it bother you that Obama keeps talking about the "enormity" of the task ahead of him? Someone needs to remind him that "enormity" is a bad thing!

Gene Weingarten: A few people made the same point about steak v. hamburger, but how often are we poisoned by food? I do not walk around burdened by this worry; if I were, I suppose I would simply not eat hamburger, because a cooked-through-ray burger is a tasteless burger.

As to Obama, yes, in his press conference last week he said this: "I do not underestimate the enormity of the task that lies ahead."

I hate this use. Enormity in the classic sense means heinousness: The enormity of Nazi depredations. Unfortunately, dictionaries have been increasingly reporting a third or fourth meaning, borne of misuse: Enormity as a synonym of enormousness. I suppose we cannot yell at Obama for this. We can, however, glower at him.

In the same press conference, however, he also said this: "I'm sure that in addition to taking a tour of the White House, there is going to be a substantive conversation between myself and the president."

This is an egregious use of "myself," which is a reflexive pronoun and should not be used as a substitute for "me." I invite the president elect to address this forum and try to defend it, if he has the audacity.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, and he also said: "President Bush graciously invited Michelle and I to meet with him and First Lady Laura Bush."

We may have a problem here, people.

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Springfield, Va.: While I am an admirer of John McCain, I agreed with your choices until the very end. Al Gore? Come on now!

Gene Weingarten: Weighing one against the other? Gore.

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Washington, D.C.: What's the alternative to mint toothpaste? I once encountered anise-flavored toothpaste in Europe, but I can't recall ever seeing anything but mint in the U.S. Except for that bubblegum abomination they make for kids. Appalling.

washingtonpost.com: Well, there's this.

Gene Weingarten: There's a Japanese company that makes toothpastes in 31 flavors, including banana, green tea and chocolate. I have used cinnamon toothpaste, made by Crest, I think. Not so good.

If you want something really weird, vets can sell you beef-flavored dog toothpaste.

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Time to buy wallpaper stock?: Wow -- out of about 700 entries there are only 15 that prefer wallpaper. The wallpaper manufacturers will be next for a government bailout.

Gene Weingarten: All wallpaper looks cheap to me. A wallpapered room -- whatever the pattern -- has the feel of an 1890 San Francisco bordello. I expect the smell of cheap perfume, and someone playing bad honky tonk on an upright piano.

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Ceiling lights: Don't most people know that ceiling lights make you look terrible. I was surprised that so many people use them.

Gene Weingarten: Why does ceiling light make you look terrible?

I think most people use light in whatever way their house is wired, no?

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Omaha, Neb., formerly D.C.: As I've gotten older (mid-40s), I've become accustomed to the various drawbacks that arrive with age -- aches and pains, increased nose hair, increased ear hair, and so on. However, this is something that I hadn't heard about or expected, so I wonder if it is normal.

All of a sudden, my body odor is off the charts. I usually bathe, then put on a deodorant every morning. By the end of the day I would be mildly "fragrant," depending on my level of activity. Nowadays, despite spending eight+ hours behind a desk, by bedtime I reek to the point where I am offensive even to myself.

Is this normal and just not spoken of? No obvious changes in health, and the only dietary change is that I am probably eating more meat than I used to.

PS. This also makes me realize that all ages and eras before the mid-20th century probably positively stank. I totally understand why perfume was invented.

Gene Weingarten: I don't think this is a factor of age. You might see a doctor.

Yes, I have often thought that if time travel is possible, one of the most startling things we would find is that everyone stank. Abraham Lincoln probably stank. Jesus of Nazareth. Joan of Arc.

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Arlington, Va.: You describe John McCain as "a former war hero."

Huh? Did they take his medals back, or something? Did the North Vietnamese grant him citizenship based on his long-time Hanoi residency? Did the Naval Academy rescind his diploma? What?

On Veterans Day, no less. You are a first-class jerk.

Gene Weingarten: True, true. Wrong word to use.

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Public Service Announcement: Men who say they face away from the showerhead:

Really? Do you arch backwards to rinse the shampoo out of your hair, too?

Have you tried facing it? Try it. Let the spray smack you in the face, neck and chest. Pretend you are getting tackled in a football game. Show your toughness! You'll feel more like a man. To rinse shampoo: Bend your head down and push your hair around violently! It's fun, efficient, and masculine! The shampoo won't get in your eyes! And if it does, who cares? You're a man! Be manly!

washingtonpost.com: Questions of manliness aside, it is actually bad to allow the hot water to hit you in the face if you are at all prone to rosacea or have blood vessels that easily burst. Hence, my aesthetician's advice to only use room temperature water on my face. It works.

Gene Weingarten: Burst vessels?

Is your showerhead 18 feet high, with needle spray, fed by a fireman's hose?

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Wonderful!: Oh, thank you, ty, ty!!!

You opened today talking about Charles Kruathammer. Please let me share my own peeve with him. In that same column he said that President-Elect Obama (although he said, "Mister Obama") had the same steely resolve as a "Vladmir Putin." Interesting choice. Why not Harry Truman? He claimed he said it admiringly but I cannot help but wonder if there was subtle racism there given that "Mister Obama" comment as well. Thank you.

Gene Weingarten: Nah, I think he was using an example people would understand. I had no problem with that.

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Eww...: how do you floss AFTER brushing? Floss stirs up all kinds of bits of things and bacteria in one's mouth, and brushing gets it all out. This is fascinating...

washingtonpost.com: No, no, no. You've got that the wrong-way round, like a roll of toilet paper unspooling from the bottom.You must brush first, then floss and here's why: Brushing gets off all of the loose debris in one's mouth. Then, after brushing and rinsing you go back in with the floss to get what the brush couldn't -- the stuff lodged between the teeth. Then, after flossing you rinse again and it clears out anything that the floss dislodged.

If you floss first, brushing is only going to push particles back into those crevices.

Gene really wishes my keyboard would break.

Gene Weingarten: There have been arguments on both sides of this issue.

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Hold the phone...: I thought you knew what enormity meant. How could you let me down?

Gene Weingarten: I do know what it means.

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Rockville MD: Dear Gene:

Even if you don't publish this, it comes from the heart.

I have been reading your chats for years, and have been dismayed by the derogatory tone associated with this presidential campaign (that has peppered the chats). But this is America, and one of the best things about it is the ability to air our views (even disrespectfully, within limits), even (and especially) when we disagree.

I voted for Sen. McCain, and I didn't think I would be devastated by his loss (and said so in the poll). But I listened to Mr. McCain's gracious concession speech on Tuesday night, alone, and was inconsolable. My grief is profound and genuine. I voted based on a strongly-held policy position that I feel is best for the country, not for something that would benefit me personally. I don't think this policy position will be embraced now, and I think it's a terrible mistake for this country.

So here's my point: I hope that Sen. Obama does a great job. We have him now, and I'm going to spend the next four years cheering for his, and his administration's success, and respecting the Office of the President. I'm not "stupid", "naive", or "misinformed" because I voted against him (and I'm especially not "disloyal" or "unpatriotic", as has been stated). I love this country. I don't plan to criticize the Dems in the next four years if and when something goes awry. I hope that other Repubs will join me in this, and refrain from negativity as we begin afresh.

We have the opportunity for a fresh start, people! Rise above the fray! Let's embrace civility, shall we? Please? Can't we get back to discussing poop and comics?

PS. Yes, Michelle's dress was dreadful. Cindy McCain's gold suit? No better.

PPS. I'm not so sure about the "Comic Riffs" blog. I think the narrative comes off as trying too hard.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

On the day after the election, in a Gene Pool item titled "Hey, Barack, the Honeymoon Is Over," I said he needed to answer for Michelle's dress. I described it as looking like the "before" picture in an ad for heartburn relief medicine.

While some posters agreed (one said it looked like a butcher's apron after a long day at work) a LOT of people were offended. I got hate mail. They were simply outraged that I would trivialize the day.

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lov, in: Gene,

I'm responding to the post from a few weeks ago where someone asks if developing an email relationship with someone of the opposite sex is cheating.

I agree with you that it is normal to fall in love and form platonic, intimate relationships with members of the opposite sex.

I think people who disagree are insecure and afraid of risk. The insecurity stems from the fear that their partner will fall in love with someone better than them and their marriage will end. The fear from the possibility that they will go too far and destroy their marriage.

Taking a chance, whether developing an intimate relationship with someone, or deciding to pursue your dreams, is always a is a risk. Risks are what make life exciting!

If you never take a chance and express how you feel, you will never have the reward of knowing that someone else feels the same way...very exciting! Loving someone doesn't require a sexual relationship.

If you never take risks, you also miss the chance to learn what you are made of...I know that different people bring out different aspects of me. This knowledge has allowed me to grow into a more self aware, and confident person. As a result, I am a happier and better wife. My husband is also happier spending time with me.

If you decide to post this - I apologize in advance for the controversy!

Gene Weingarten: Let's post it and see what happens.

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New York, N.Y.: Is dog toothpaste specially formulated for dogs? Can I slip some to a "friend" of mine without harming him?

Gene Weingarten: I assume so, sure. Heh.

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Tuna In O,IL: You all have obviously never tried canned tuna packed in pure olive oil. It is divine. You'll never go back to water-packed.

Gene Weingarten: I agree. I have no idea why anyone would prefer water-packed if they have tried both, unless it as issue with calories. In which case, skip the tasteless fish and go to the cheaper tasteless tofu.

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Saratoga Springs, N.Y.: I'm writing from a few blocks away from the scene of the horse vandalism. That poor horse has been attacked several times, hence the need for the security camera. However, the prior incident was not nearly as comical as the one you highlighted.

I have a problem responding to your InstaPoll -- I'm barefoot in warm months, slippered in colder ones. And I don't use deodorant except on more formal occasions (I prefer not clogging my pores and no, I don't stink... I hope).

Gene Weingarten: I think it is ridiculous that the police called them "vandals." They were not vandals. They were drunks.

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I just need to say thank you: Krauthammer has now gone over to the other side with George Will, another columnist whom I used to admire while never agreeing with anything he said, but whom I now don't bother to read unless someone brings a particular column to my attention.

Thank you. You said it better than I would have.

Gene Weingarten: I really like Krauthammer -- and Will, usually. I respect them both. Often, I will have a hard time refuting their logic even when I disagree with their conclusions.

Charles just went nutso here.

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Quer,RI: Did you send that letter to Krauthammer, or were you just venting here?

Gene Weingarten: I sent him a separate, shorter letter. He didn't respond.

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Coasting in neutral: Gene, I just want to clear this up, since it seems to be a common misconception in your chat. In any modern fuel-injected car, the engine computer will cut the fuel supply to the engine if it senses that the car is coasting (that is, the motion of the car keeps the engine turning, without any gas involved, so your accessories still work). This means that you're actually using MORE gas if you coast in neutral than if you keep the car in gear. The tradeoff, of course, is that if you're going downhill, you might end up using gas sooner if you're in gear, since while in neutral, the car wouldn't have the drag of the engine, and would therefore travel farther, so it may be a wash there. In general, though, keeping it in gear is the best bet in terms of fuel economy.

Gene Weingarten: I hear what you are saying, but have a direct refutation with empirical evidence.

In the last couple of months, Pat the Perfect, who owns a late-model stick-shif car, has been experimenting with gliding in neutral at all times possible. She has saved somthing like four miles to the gallon, and gained 50 miles per tank of gas.

Gene Weingarten: Er, stick-shift.

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Baby Barack: Sending this to you for two reasons. First, the reference to the dreaded name Madison. Second, for the names mentioned at the bottom of the article. What parents do to their kids, right?

Gene Weingarten: You missed the byline, didn't you?

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They don't name kids like they used to: Greetings! The recent comments about what people name their kids happened at the same time I was editing a lengthy historical report of people who held elected office in Arkansas. And believe me you, some of today's weirdest names can't hold a candle to those of the mid- to late-1800s! I'm going to have to dig back through to find more examples, but two still stand out in my mind.

Funniest name: Newt Pentecost.

Most unfortunate name: Festus O. Butts

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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Bethesda, Md.: Hi Gene --

Love the poll today. Interestingly, it seems that men & women are mostly in sync on everything except their sexual fantasies & their preferred method of cooking vegetables. Surely there's a joke in there somewhere...

But I must ask: How does it feel to be so clearly and decisively out-voted on the TP question?? I, for one, have a strong preference for having it unspool from the top, so I was delighted to know that I am not alone!

Gene Weingarten: No, it is I who is nearly alone, just as William Lloyd Garrison was in 1830, in his opposition to slavery.

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Definitive Over v Under: My brand of TP has little hearts embedded in the roll. If you hang the roll under, the hearts are upside down. Hang it over, and they are right way up! I will not have upside down hearts in my bathroom, so my TP rolls are hung over.

Gene Weingarten: Aha! You have proven my point!

Those are not upside-down hearts! Those are right side up buttocks.

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Uh, Liz: You are wrong about flossing. Just incorrect. The floss itself buffs and cleans the crevices - unless your teeth are inches apart from one another - and THEN you brush.

washingtonpost.com: Actually, looks like it's a toss up.

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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Instapoll: You did not include "do not use deodorant" as an option. I shower every morning, do not use deodorant, and smell delightful all day. Deodorant is slimy, nasty stuff.

Gene Weingarten: The thing about the poll that is so far most interesting is that women tend to fantasize about strangers or made-up characters, and men about people they know.

I actually expected the opposite. Because women are all about relationships, and men about porn.

Liz expected women to go for celebs!

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Krauthammer (and Will): Do you have any direct correspondence with Krauthammer or the other conservative voices from the WashPost OpEds? You've addressed their columns a few times and I'm curious as to how Krauthammer would respond to your opinions...with amused tolerance, politely controlled irritation, or barely concealed rage?

Gene Weingarten: I have only met Krauthammer once. I liked him a lot. I'm not sure how he will react, if at all. He is not obliged to.

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1 More Election Question: In the final days, McCain ran ads saying that Obama had no executive experience.

If McCain and Obama are both U.S. Senators, how is McCain's executive experience any different than Obama's? Because he's been a Senator longer.

Still thinking about this one.

Gene Weingarten: Well, yes. Because he has run an office longer.

Obama essentially has never been a senator. He was running for president from the moment he arrived in the Senate.

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Washington, D.C.: David Simon of "The Wire" says he'd routinely break the rule that a journalist doesn't show his story to the subjects involved.

Says he didn't believe in it.

If the story dealt with someone's life on an intimate level he'd show the story privately. Said he broke the rule routinely.

Simon felt his subjects would give better stuff upon reading intimate detail of their lives, improving the story. Plus, they'd correct errors.

Gene Weingarten: Well, David's my good friend, but I disagree with him on this, strongly.

When you show a story to the subject, you are inviting a problem. You are inviting negotiation over something that should not be subject to negotiation. And absolutely no one can be objective about how he or she is portrayed in a story. No one, however cool and unselfconscious he or she may be. God could not be objective.

I will sometimes check direct quotations, but will go no further than that.

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Dog Toothpas, TE: You could probably slip a friend dog toothpaste with no detrimental health effects.

But, my dog's toothpaste contain mushroom extract and beef broth... I'm certain yout friend will notice... beware the payback for that little trick... and thinking further, how would you get it into a regular tube?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, I think the idea is for the friend to notice.

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Better, MIleage: A picture of an odometer display that uses LCDs is not manly. Black and white real numbers on rollers only, please. Also, taking the picture while your wife drives is not manly. Holding the camera in your teeth and snapping through the steering wheel at 65 miles an hour is manly.

Gene Weingarten: Agreed on count one. The LCD was a disappointment.

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New York, N.Y.: I cannot believe that, as of right now, almost 12 percent of poll respondents put a SHOE on one foot before they even put a SOCK on their other foot. This is insane lunatic behavior. It is akin to shampooing and rinsing one side of your head before shampooing and rinsing the other side. I would ask these people to explain themselves but they are probably too busy eating their own fingernail clippings and categorizing the jars of urine under their beds. Crazies!

Gene Weingarten: Is see.

This is how The Rib does it. I have made fun of her for this in print before.

I have not revealed this before however. Here is how she ties her shoes: Loop in one hand, loop in the other hand, tie them together. She has been doing this way since another four-year-old showed her how.

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Stink: I wonder if it is a hormonal change. I took some meds that resulted in various hormones increasing their levels in my body and by the end of the day I was really stinky. This stopped immediately when I went off the meds. I'm a woman. If you are a woman in your 40's there are certain hormones that are increasing their levels in your body, too.

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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Fluoresce, NT: Gene;

I hope in your response to the incandescent/fluorescent poll question you will link to an article the wp put out February 20, 2008: "Lights at Night Are Linked to Breast Cancer" By Rick Weiss. I'm very environmentally concious, but that article made me remove my fluorescent lightbulbs, and it appears as though your women readers may have missed that article.

washingtonpost.com: Nights at Light Are Linked to Breast Cancer, (Post, Feb. 20)

Gene Weingarten: This is a startling story. When I read the beginning of it, it seemed like pseudoscience, because I thought that areas with greater lighting at night probably also have other factors that might increase cancer: Urban pollution, etc.

But no, the background explanation makes sense. I had no idea that blind women are less susceptible to breast cancer.

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Baltimore, Md.: I can take it one step further, Gene - I can only fantasize about women I've known in the biblical sense. So they're not even fantasies so much as reenactments. I can't fantasize about women I know professionally or as friends or what have you because I feel guilty. And making up a woman or fantasizing about celebrities just strikes me as dumb. Is that really weird?

Gene Weingarten: I think women would love you for this. It's a line you might want to use some day.

Yeah, it's pretty weenie. But in a GOOD way.

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Sosumi: Gene -- After using "sosumi" in an e-mail, I decided to Google it and came across this. So I guess you will not get ultimate credit when it becomes a part of daily language. I'm kinda happy about that. Sosumi.

Gene Weingarten: I still claim half credit.

The word existed before, but I gave it a specific definition: Something or someone you do not like even though the common consensus is that you are supposed to like it. (Jimi Hendrix.)

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New York: I have a question for you, Mr. Weingarten. I know you feel that Dylan is actually a very good singer (not just a lyricist), and in fact I am coming around to that point of view. But I am curious as to what you think are the best covers of his songs. I already have some (plus originals, of course), so could you suggest your favorites?

Gene Weingarten: I hate almost all covers of Dylan songs.

One I really like is Joan Osborne doing "Man In the Long Black Coat."

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Ithaca, N.Y.: Dear commenters who say they do not use deodorant and still smell good,

Please, please, please use deodorant!!! You really do not smell as nice as you think. Standing on a crowded bus with you let alone working in close proximity is excruciating. And if you are Vegan please do not tell me you don't need deodorant b/c you don't eat anything bad that will make you smell. You still do. Most of us learned this lesson back in High School. You may not be able to smell it, but that does not mean people around you do not smell it.

Gene Weingarten: I think there are people who don't smell. I know a woman whose feet never stink. Even long after a shower and shoe wearing.

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Now WAit: You can't find your "prized" possession. Must not be that prized...

Gene Weingarten: It's somewhere. I've seen it as recently as a year ago.

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[Hughes] "...was a conservative, but a highly principled one": Once again, your overt bias taints your otherwise noteworthy comments.

There have been plenty of highly principled conservatives through US history. McCain lost in part because he chose not to be one.

Gene Weingarten: Another good point.

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Gene Weingarten: (That last one was deliberate, though. Baiting Krauthammer.)

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Re: Failed VP Candidates: Kennedy was Stevenson's VP candidate, and he went on to win the White House.

Gene Weingarten: Nope. Stevenson ran with John Sparkman in 1952 and Estes Kefauver in 1956. Kennedy wanted it in '56, but didn't get it.

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Chapel Hill, NC: This was a terrific dating questionnaire (and probably better than the one that DateLab uses!) -- it really gets to the heart of what's important in a relationship. Please hook me up with the men who answered over-the-top TP, table lamps w/incandescent bulbs, tuna in oil, well-done steak, and non-mint toothpaste. Thank you.

Gene Weingarten: Well done steak? You like Philistines?

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NYT Crossword: Is the Sunday NYT crossword getting harder? It seems to me that about six months ago, my husband and I could complete it in one sitting. Lately, it's taking much longer.

I'm not complaining, just wondering if anyone else has noticed this.

Gene Weingarten: Nope. Pretty steady degree of difficulty. What has happened is that it has gotten more predictable. I'd say two times out of three the long answers are dumb letter-substitution puns.

If you are proud of your abilities with crosswords, tackle the Saturday times puzzle. Among the most challenging regular crosswords out there.

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"Invited Michelle and I": This is gonna be GREAT!

When Bush steps on his tongue, you people always assume it's because he's a moron.

Obama's mistakes are obviously because his great mind doesn't have time for oppressive Eurocentric patriarchal grammatical rules.

Well, just keep telling yourself that. I predict the honeymoon will be over for you a lot sooner than for those of us who didn't choose the Chosen One.

Gene Weingarten: Uh.

No.

In case you haven't noticed, this guy is a brilliant intellectual who uses words far better than you or I do.

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Let's talk abo, UT: On the question of fantasies...

I voted with most guys. My shower nozzle (ahem) consists of women I know. My wife is someone who is constantly talking to people she doesn't know (okay, she's a D.C. reporter, though not for your fine employer) and she ocasionally comes home jacked up by someone she's met. She tends to prefer guys with beards who own canoes (definitely not me). I'm fine with that, as I get the rewards.

Once she asked me the dreaded "List the top three women I work with you'd like to do." She wrote down her guess beforehand. I'm so obvious, she picked them. In order.

We men are wretchedly obvious creatures, aren't we?

Gene Weingarten: Yes we are.

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Overha, ND: Of course Gene is right about hanging toilet paper needing to be closer to the wall. Remember the episode of the Simpsons when the kids are put into foster care? Marge is given a list of reasons for the kids' removal that includes the phrases "squalid hellhole," "dogs mating on dining room table" and finally "toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion."

Gene Weingarten: Exactly. I had forgotten this.

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Fifth Wheel: This may be a question for Pat the Perfect. My girlfriend and I disagree on the use of the phrases "fifth wheel" and "third wheel". When one is single person in company with a couple or a group of couples, is the correct saying "fifth wheel" or is it "third wheel"? I submit it is "fifth wheel" no matter how many people are in the group. The girlfriend says I am wrong. While "third wheel" may seem to make sense when there is one couple and one single person, I would say that a third wheel has a purpose - i.e. as it would in a tricycle. I believe the saying "fifth wheel" refers to how a fifth wheel on a vehicle would be just hanging out there awkwardly.

I think people say "third wheel" nowadays but it is an increasingly acceptable misuse of the original "fifth wheel", which is correct. Who is right?

Gene Weingarten: You are right.

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TP: I don't understand why anyone - but women especially want it to roll over the top. It rarely is torn in a way that leaves it handing below the roll and when I have to go in the middle of the night it is hard to find the end. Rolling from behind, it always hangs below the roll and is easy to find by touch.

Gene Weingarten: You and I are in the minority here, but we're right. My central argument, as I explained last week, is visual. It looks right hanging from the back, near the wall.

Gene Weingarten: When I image-googled "toilet paper" to see if there was any consensus in how rolls are pictured (there isn't) I did find this image.

The wedding dress is made of toilet paper.

Gene Weingarten: I also found this image, which is extremely disturbing.

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Pennsylvania Ave: Looking at the official photos of the Bushes and the Obamas outside the White House, I noticed that Mrs. Obama appeared to be ... well ... chilly. I called it to my husband's attention, horrified to think this might be her version of the Elaine Benis Christmas card. But he says no; he thinks it's just the folds of her dress, although he admits he just got a sense of it and looked away because "she's the next First Lady, fergawdsake!" I need you and Liz to weigh in.

washingtonpost.com: In this pic it looks like Michelle could be having a slight wardrobe malfunction. And could that dress Laura's wearing be more matronly?

Gene Weingarten: Laura's dress appears to be burlap.

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Washington, D.C.: I think I can explain the fantasizing gender gap. As a woman, I would feel guilty if I fantasized about a friend or a man I knew. I'm invading their privacy! Somehow they would know if I did this! I realize this is irrational. It's less stressful to just think of a nondescript male.

Men are much more visual, so it makes sense they'd prefer to think of someone they can visualize exactly.

Gene Weingarten: Apparently. I'm still surprised.

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A long introduction to a question regading briefs: I am a guy, over 25, under 30, with an extraordinary paucity of sexual experience. Ok, I am a 28 year old virgin. No self confidence. Lots of rejection and fear of more. No idea how to approach women in a way that shows my interest. Yadda yadda. I even thought about the "(Whatever It Was) Method," since I think you said, absent the aspect of it that was blatantly manipulative of women, it did seem to give shy, clueless guys (like me) some help. Maybe you didn't exactly say that. Regardless, the thought was fleeting, it's almost surely not the right thing for me, or anyone.

But that is not the point of this post. The point is, I wear briefs. Only. I tried boxers as a teen when most guys "transitioned," but I hated them. Tried them a few other times, and just am not comfortable, for reasons that Liz would not like explained in here.

So, since the number of times that I have been in a situation of being seen pantsless is hideously small, I really don't know how women feel. In, fact, one time I knew I would be seen, I wore a pair of boxers that I had.

So, the question is, are briefs a turn off for women between 24 and 32 (the age range of women I am likely to date)? If it's any consolation, I only wear black. Or should I have a couple of pair of boxers for future times?

Gene Weingarten: You want to wear black boxer briefs. A happy medium.

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Marriage Town, USA: In keeping with this week's column's theme, here's a question for you...does infidelity reflect just on someone's role as a spouse or does it also say something about their role as a parent? One side of this debate says that his choice to be unfaithful does not in any way impact his conviction that he is a good father and that the two things are unrelated. The other party says that by putting his marriage at risk he is affecting his children's world at its most basic level and therefore the two things are completely related. Where do you weigh in?

Gene Weingarten: The second view. So long as there are children of impressionable age, putting the marriage at risk with an infidelity is by its nature a degree of bad parenting. It's not, like the worst thing a parent can do, and relationships are complicated, and sometimes divorce helps everyone, and so forth. But as a general statement of ethics... the second view.

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The ol' sock-shoe: I can't believe I even have to explain this: I go sock-shoe, sock-shoe because of its elegance and economy of movement. If I'm already working with one foot, why not get it fully taken care of before moving on to the other?

Gene Weingarten: That is the Rib's position. Also you never have to have clean sock meet dirty floor.

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Sorry, you are all PCs: A Mac is a personal computer! It just uses a different operating system from a Windows- or Linux- or whatever-based machine. You should have asked Windows or Mac or Other. At work I am Windows and at home I am Other. I am also young and female and hot and annoyed by this question. I rescind all my panties previously tossed at you.

washingtonpost.com: Whatever, nerdo.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah.

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TP: Hey Gene, I'm an architect and I hang my toilet paper underhand, for aesthetic reasons

Gene Weingarten: I hope this is true. I want it to be true.

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Dylan Covers: There's something about Warren Zevon's version of "Knocking on Heaven's Door", recorded for his last album at a point when he knew he had only months or weeks to live.

Gene Weingarten: I'll be there is. Haven't heard it.

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TP Over The Top: Notice that hotels, airports, and other public facilities put the toilet paper over the top because studies show that people use more sheets if it feeds from underneath. This is actually taught in hotel/motel management classes.

Gene Weingarten: Interesting.

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Washington, DC: Gene, the reason women go for jerks is that jerks are better in bed than the nice guys. Others may protest, but really, it is as simple as that.

Gene Weingarten: That seems counterintuitive to me. Isn't the nice guy going to care more about pleasing you?

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Home improvement proje, CT: Gene, my toilet paper is overhand, but I decided this weekend I will install a second roll holder next to it where an underhand roll will go. For guests who prefer it. It will give a nice yin yang feeling to the bathroom.

Gene Weingarten: I wonder if this has EVER been done before.

Please photograph it and send it in to the chat.

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Editori, AL: I've given up on trying to convince people they're using "myself" incorrectly. No one ever believes me. I'm reduced to smirking to myself.

Don't get me started on transitive and intransitive verbs. I can go on all day.

Gene Weingarten: What Obama did was better than people who will BEGIN a sentence with "Myself."

That is one of the most egregious sounding errors of all.

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Downtown, DC: Like the thoughtful chatster above, I voted for McCain and find myself hoping for a successful Obama presidency.

With that said, though, I'm finding it hard to be as gracious as I would like. Nothing to do with Obama -- it's my lingering resentment toward the horrid vitriol spewed toward Bush since the Florida recount. I'm finding it a bit hard to "respect the Presidency" when so many of Obama's supporters have flatly refused to do so over the last eight years. Yes, Bush might invite abuse and it would be rude not to accept, but I'm talking about the pure, unadulterated, irrational hatred directed toward him that I've listened to all this time. I'm tempted to fire back.

How should I handle this?

Gene Weingarten: You should handle it by analyzing very carefully the damage inflicted by Bush's presidency, and understanding why reasonable people might be very, very angry.

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Washington, D.C.: Re: brief question -- 25-year-old woman here. Not only are black boxer briefs a happy medium, but they are the BEST option. Go out and buy some now, in bulk. Good luck.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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Jennifer 8 Lee: What's with that name!? I've always wondered...

Gene Weingarten: She once wrote about it. A family custom, I think. Liz, do you think you might find this?

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I stink, therefore je suis: Of course Joan of Arc stank. She smelled like burned steak.

Gene Weingarten: Good point.

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Sexy Pal, IN: In last week's update, Gene, you had a questioner who asked why Gov. Palin was considered attractive to so many. You correctly pointed out that she is confident and has a nice figure. But you avoided adding the other qualification: She's a POLITICIAN, which helps her in two ways. (a) Power is an aphrodisiac; if you don't believe me, google "Fanne Foxe" and then "Wilbur Mills." And yes, it's true for men as well as women. Despite being 15 years older, Sen. Clinton is better-looking than Arkansas First Lady Clinton. (b) She stands out by comparison. Have you ever been to an NGA meeting? Yikes! I wouldn't kick Gov. Granholm or Gov. Sebelius out of bed, Gov. Palin has 'em beat. And she is better-looking than any woman in Congress -- with the possible exception of Stephanie Herseth Sandlin.

Gene Weingarten: Okay!

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Women and TP: As a woman, I have found it is easier to mummify sanitary products for displosal when the TP rolls over the top. When rolled under, there is no stopping the unraveling of the roll and makes the mummifying difficult.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you. I wasn't aware mummifying was necessary.

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Colorado Springs: What, more TP stuff? Yeah. I'm a boorish male who couldn't care less whether it's over or under. My wife is an obsessive over-hanger who folds the end into an attractive triangle. Now THAT'S what the home design people do.

By the way does the phrase "I could care less" bug you, too?

Gene Weingarten: About 'I could care less' -- I could care less.

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Arlington, VA: Well Gene, it seems that after all this talk of panty-flinging, there's very little chance that any of them are sexy at all. So far poll results show that almost 60% of the women that read this chat wear cotton underwear only. In my experience, sexy underwear = non-cotton, and cotton = granny panties. Enjoy the huge white underpants!

Gene Weingarten: I think all women's underpants are hot.

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washingtonpost.com: Can't find the article online anywhere, but Jennifer's wikipedia entry explains the 8.

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Arlington, Va.: One thing more before I go to bed: Why didn'tcha put in a question about stick shift vs. automatic?

Snarl, mumble, mumble...

Gene Weingarten: Because we've had it in a poll before. About four fifths of you drive automatics, tragically.

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Reston, Va.: Gene, which is more ridiculous: That Chris Matthews thinks it is the job of a journalist to do everything in his or her power to help Barack Obama be successful, or that Chris Matthews considers himself a journalist?

Gene Weingarten: I thought that really was a shocking thing for him to have said.

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Jerks in Bed: I disagree. I have a long history of dating jerks and I've found it is 50/50. Some of my best sexual experiences have been with "sweet" guys...possibly because I feel more free being myself. No need to worry about the jerk telling you you aren't good enough in bed.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you for sharing.

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Baby names: In the heady early years of the USSR, parents gave their kids all kinds of names. Marlenor, for example, was short for Marx-Lenin-October Revolution. Then after Lenin died, there was the name Leundezh--Lenin Umer, No Ego Delo Zhivyot (Lenin is dead but his work lives on!)

The name Gertruda sounds relative normal for girls, except it was short for Geroi Truda--Hero of Labor.

There were also names celebrating things like agricultural and industrial advances and Soviet exploration of the Arctic.

I just feel bad for those poor Soviet kids who were born early enough to be named after Trotsky.

Gene Weingarten: My favorite is Sacvan Bercovitch, a professor at Harvard with whom I took a class. I assumed he was Eastern European, but no, he was born here as a red diaper baby. Sacco-Vanzetti.

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Black boxer briefs: ...As long as you don't have pasty white thighs, sure.

Gene Weingarten: Uh oh.

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Baltimore, Md.: Non-cotton = sexy? Nope, your math's wrong, Arlington. Non-cotton = yeast infection = no nookie.

Gene Weingarten: Several women have expressed the same thought.

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Marietta, Ga: "Obama essentially has never been a senator. He was running for president from the moment he arrived in the Senate. "

This simply is not true. He didn't decide to run for at least a year, after becoming a Senator.

Gene Weingarten: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... he knew he was going for it ever since the 2004 convention speech.

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Undies: Arlington is tragically, tragically wrong! When it comes to panties, cotton and sexy are most definitely not mutually exclusive. I'll admit that most 'special occasion' sexy panties are non-cotton, but no one's ever complained about an adorable cotton thong.

Gene Weingarten: I was with you until the last word.

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Gallery Place: Ok, you are an expert hypochondriac and poo connesiour so I thought you might be able to help me with this question. If I ate a beet salad yesterday, could that turn my poo red twice after that (it is normal now)?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, absolutely. And it's a scary sort of red, sort of hovering.

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The reason women go for jerks is jerks are better in bed ...: I am, anyone will tell you, a nice guy. I have quietly been seeing someone (not because we shouldn't, we just don't feel like spreading the word) who has more experience than I do, and she has said without question I'm the best she's ever had.

The anonymity of this chat rocks. I've been dying to tell someone this.

Gene Weingarten: Well, we know only that she has told you this, not that it is true. But either way you're doing okay.

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Obama's Gramm, AR: It's a clear case of overcompensation (in a technical linguistic sense, not in an emotional/psychological sense). He is obviously a man who prizes formal rhetoric and wants to sound, well, formal in his dealings with the public when it matters (note he has no qualms switching to informal registers when it suits him, a truly effective political skill). So, he has a choice: grammatically "correct" usage that runs the risk of sounding stilted or familiar ("... to Michelle and me/Michelle and myself"), or "incorrect" usage that nevertheless comes across as a more formal English register ("... to Michelle and I").

Result: those that are anti scream "Phony! Elitist! Out of touch with the real 'Merica!". Those that are pro defend his oratorial skills and commend him for sounding Presidential. The truth? They're both right. I'm just looking forward to complete, coherent sentences from the Oval Office.

Gene Weingarten: Well, no. This man writes literature. "to Michelle and I" doesn't sound formal, it sounds wrong.

It was a little slip.

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Fired: I once had a cleaning company come in to clean my house and they turned all the TP rolls from underhand to overhand, and folded little triangles into the tops.

I fired them immediately. You do not switch other people's toilet paper.

Gene Weingarten: Wow!

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Loop Loop Tie: Does Rib say, "Bunny ear, Bunny ear" when she ties her shoes too?

Gene Weingarten: Hahahahahaha.

No.

Well, I will have to ask.

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Hardb, AL: Chris Matthews was kicking it old school. Journalists used to think that helping the nation by helping the government was part of their job. That's the ethos of the World War II generation, the reporters who willingly kept the secrets that presidents and generals told them in order to help win the war. It was journalists of the New Left era who reasserted the ethos that no press is as patriotic as a critical one. As you are a product of the latter ethos, Gene, no wonder you find it surprising.

Gene Weingarten:

This is apples and chewing gum.

Not giving away troop movements is very different from thinking your job is supporting the administration.

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Neither and Not Commando: Fifty-year-old man, I wear panties. I don't even own a pair of men's underwear anymore.

I'm odd in other ways too.

Gene Weingarten: Boy, this chat is special, isn't it?

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infidelity and parenting: Part of parenting (I would argue the largest part of parenting) is setting an example, via your own behavior, for your children.

If you would like to teach your children that cheating, or being cheated on, is something for them to aspire to as an adult, go right ahead and cheat.

Yes, yes parents are also humans and make mistakes and blah blah yadda yadda. That doesn't change the fact that everything you do, and especially every example you set for how a family works, is part of parenting. You can make mistakes, but you can't claim your behavior is unrelated to raising your children.

Gene Weingarten: Well, yes. That was my point.

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Baltimore, Md.: "It was a little slip."

Keep telling yourself that. Obama is a buffoon that you and your friends in the MSM sold to the American people. I'm almost looking forward to the disaster of the next four years, just to see you and yours try to explain things away.

Gene Weingarten: Question for all of you: Is this an attempt to bait me into some over the top answer, or do you think there is really someone out there who thinks Obama is a "buffoon"?

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Middle Na ME: OK, I can see the 8. But why the period after it? I assume it's not short for 875...

Gene Weingarten: I think she explains this too. I am forgetting the details. We will try to find it for tomorrow's update.

Which reminds me. We're gone. See y'all in the updates.

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UPDATED 11.12.08

Gene Weingarten: I am not sure if we have linked to this before, but it is nice. Andrew Hoenig sent it.

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Gene Weingarten: Neither Michael Williamson nor I acknowledge the possibility that any of the geriatric canines pictured in "Old Dogs" might have passed on. This includes Junior, who was duly elected the mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.

So let's just say that for some reason, Rabbit Hash has elected a new mayor. They did it on Election Day. Here is an accounting of it, courtesy Horace LaBadie.

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Gene Weingarten: And Heather Moline provided this exceptional clip of a professional crack-sniffing dog. I love how he hides behind trees.

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You were right... sort of: Gene, you consistently said that not only would Obama win, it wouldn't be close, and you were right about that. But you also said thought that McCain would have a "senior" moment, which he really didn't--the most controversial things he said were things written into his speeches and ads, not in any sense gaffes. I find it significant that neither McCain's age nor Obama's race seems to have played a significant role one way or the other--the most significant factors were generalized hatred of Bush, lack of faith in conservative economic ideas, and distaste at McCain's campaign tactics.

Gene Weingarten: Depends on whether the choice of Palin was caused by senior inattention or phenomenal bad judgment. But I think you're probably right.

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UPDATED 11.13.08

Gene Weingarten: I appreciate the alert from several people that the item in yesterday's update about the name "Ledasha" was not only phony but also vaguely racist. I missed the innuendo, and apologize. The item's been deleted.

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Washington, D.C.: Gene, I don't know if you saw this, but this may have been the single best thing I read about the election.

Gene Weingarten: This is beautifully told. Thanks for reminding me.

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Palin/Sarkozy: Gene, in the Thursday update you said Palin should have cottoned on to the prank when "Sarkozy started talking about the joy of killing animals".

Sarkozy hunts. Many French people, Brigitte Bardot notwithstanding, hunt.

Gene Weingarten: I have never heard hunters discuss their love of hunting as "the joy of killing animals." Have you? It's usually couched in terms of the glory of the outdoors and the elemental interspecies battle of wills, and thus such nonsense.

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Alexandria, Va.: My candidate for CLOD -

These guys were so great - even a mention of "VPL"

Gene Weingarten: This is hot! And really sleazy! Thank you.

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Washington, D.C.: As a woman between 24-32 who has broken up with guys because they wear briefs instead of boxers, I have to say, stop wearing briefs. No boxiefs either. Guys look ridiculous in tight undies, no matter what color they are (though I submit that the classic whities are the most ridiculous). Guys in boxers look cute. It's not even a weight issue--skinny guys in briefs look like weenies, weightier guys look like a comedic extra in a Will Ferrell vehicle.

I know how shallow and horrible this is, but the reaction I have is absolutely visceral, almost Seinfedian. I can't help it. If I started dating a guy and found out he wore briefs, I couldn't stand touching him anymore knowing that they were there. I sincerely apologize, but submit that there are others out there who are just like me. So. Boxers.

Gene Weingarten: Wow. You sound like a nightmare.

Just FYI, most men who don't wear boxers CAN'T wear boxers: It feels extremely uncomfortable to them.

How would you feel about a man who would break up with a woman because she doesn't wear a thong, because it feels uncomfortable to her.

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Arlington, Va.: Speaking of Wilbur Mills and Fannie Fox: back when D.C. had a great folk-muusic scene in the '70s, two local songwriters (Dennis Essig and Bob Ortiz of the band Sheephead Bay, sorta the house band at Gallagher's) won a major song-writing contest with the then-very-topical "She Was Only A Stripper At The Silver Slipper, But She Had Her Ways And Means."

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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UPDATED 11.14.08

You could care less??: Gene,

How could you possibly care less? No seriously - list the ways. We'll wait...

I could care less means the exact opposite of I could not care less.

Gene Weingarten: Ah, but I was using it ironically, and correctly. The poster asked what I thought of "could care less," and I said "I could care less." Meaning, I care. I hate it.

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Alexandria, Va.: More than one way to tie a shoe.

Since I discovered these, I have been using "Ian's Secure Knot." It works so well, it changed a habit of 28 years taught to me by my father.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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Olney, Md.: I agree with Washington, D.C. about invading someone's privacy by specifically, ahem, visualizing them. But there is also a strong feeling that I would be in some sense cheating on my husband emotionally were I to visualize someone specific. A generic fantasy is just bringing spice to the marriage bed where it belongs.

Gene Weingarten: People. People.

Get a grip.

What happens in the head, stays in the head. You are violating no one's privacy. You are betraying no one. We all have interior lives, and they belong to us.

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Toilet Paper: The greatest painter of the last 30 years hangs his roll underhand, so as far as I'm concerned, case closed.

Gene Weingarten: Indeed.

I believe the issue is now closed.

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Washington, D.C.: Wallpaper: I was once looking at a townhouse for sale, and I noticed that the current owners had run the cord from the toaster oven up the kitchen wall -- and had wallpapered over it.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha.

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Submit to Next Week's Chat.

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