John Kelly's Washington

John Kelly writes about the Washington that doesn't make it onto the front pages. His five-day-a-week Metro column, John Kelly's Washington, is about the normal -- well, relatively normal -- people who call our region home. It's about the joys and annoyances of living in the most important city in the most important country in the world -- as experienced by those of us who, frankly, aren't that important. His blog, John Kelly's Commons, is a place for readers to carry on a digital conversation.

Today John Kelly took questions about dead rhinos, World War II heroes, bus-riding atheists and how to get your child into the best college. Plus, weigh in on the impending U.S. invasion of Belgium.

A transcript follows.

Discussion Archives/Recent Columns

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John Kelly: Hello and welcome. So, in my blog today I mention, among many other things, a "study" done by Oxford researchers on the most irritating expressions. Here's the list:

1 - At the end of the day

2 - Fairly unique

3 - I personally

4 - At this moment in time

5 - With all due respect

6 - Absolutely

7 - It's a nightmare

8 - Shouldn't of (instead of the correct "shouldn't have")

9 - 24/7

10 - It's not rocket science

Some are cliches. Some are just wrong. (How can something be "fairly unique"? It either is or it isn't.) And some use more words than are necessary. Why say "At this moment in time" when you can just say "Now"?

That aspect of the list reminded me of a writer I worked with when I edited the Weekend section. Our Fish Lines column provided info on where the fish were biting--or at least where they'd been biting a few days before Weekend hit the streets. The freelancer who compiled it really knew his fish and I have fond memories of the day I spent with him on the Chesapeake Bay reeling in blues. But he loved to use five words where one would do. "At this location" instead of "at." "At that point in time" instead of "then." The first thing editors had to do was prune out the excess verbiage. I eventually decided that he was used to writing for publications that paid by the word. When you're a freelancer, every bit helps.

I noticed that someone has started a Facebook group trying to stamp out "going forward." What are some of your least favorite expressions? Hopefully not "Hey, it's time to chat." Which, of course, it is.

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Obama funny: Eugene Robinson had a column today about how hard it is to make a joke about Obama

Comedy Tomorrow, History Tonight (Post, Nov. 14)

Let us think back to Jimmy Carter and his rabid rabbit

Jimmy Carter Rabbit Incident (Wikipedia)

Barack needs to find his inner rabbit.

John Kelly: It will be very interesting to see what the media does, not just comedians but journalists. I was at a conference at Harvard over the weekend where that was a point of discussion: Will journalists be deferential to a President Obama in a way they weren't at the end of President Bush's term? If the relationship with Bush was essentially adversarial, should that change in this spirit of, um, change? Thoughts?

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What'syourpredicti, ON: Who do you think will kick the bucket first? Fidel Castro or Kim Jung-il?

John Kelly: Wait, is Castro still alive? That sucker is hanging ON. If he is still alive, I say Castro.

Now here's a question for you: Who goes first: Nancy Reagan or Arthur Miller?

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Alexandria, Va.: Hi John,

You know everything. Have you heard if feds will get the day off Dec. 26, a Friday, this year?

John Kelly: I haven't heard, but I've sent a message to Federal Diarist Joe Davidson. Hopefully we'll hear back before the hour is through. Anyone at OPM reading this chat? According to its web site Dec. 26 is not a holiday. Not yet anyway. I wonder if any work will get done that day....

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Arlington, Va.: JK,

On 11/10/08 (Marine Corps Birthday), I ran into a traffic jam on 110 North between the Pentagon and Iwo Jima Memorial at approximately 7:15 a.m. The jam-up was caused by a military group jogging in formation on 110 South, with vehicle escort.

Some have surmised that these were Marines jogging from the IJM to their barracks in D.C. in honor of the birthday.

If so, that's fine, but how about a heads up next year so I can take another route to work?

John Kelly: Marines love doing stuff like that so you're probably right. You're lucky they weren't crawling along the ground with full packs on their backs. Next year you could try checking this Marine Web site, or plan on taking a different route.

When I edited KidsPost we used to have a "fun run" before the Marine Corps Marathon. Before the race a bunch of Marines would get all the kids who were waiting for the start to get down on the ground and do push-ups then jump up and shout "Ooh-rah!" The kids loved it.

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Baltimore, Md.: If you mean Arthur Miller the playwright, he's been dead for several years.

John Kelly: And he owed me money!

I thought he was dead but I had a flash the other morning that I wasn't sure. There's lots of people like that. Like, Ernest Borgnine. Is he still around?

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Kingstowne, Va.: Loved your recent column about Hoover Field. I wonder if you might follow it up with an article on Washington Virginia Airport, which used to be located on the land where Skyline Towers stand today near Bailey's Crossroads. If you drive up Seminary Road today, you can see where the runway warning lights still stand atop the Burke & Herbert Bank, which used to be located rather precariously directly beyond the end of one of the runways.

I seem to recall reading somewhere that the drive-in cinema that used to be located across Route 7 from the airport (where the strip mall with the Giant is now) was notable because (a) pilots used it to line up on one of the runways for landing and (b) when the drive-in wasn't doing well financially, the owners tried to increase revenue by showing X-rated movies....but this flopped because people would just watch from off the property, as nobody cared about HEARING those movies! (I have no idea whether this is actually true, but I know I read it somewhere and it makes for an amusing story either way.) Perhaps you could unearth the truth of this one.

washingtonpost.com: Good Riddance to Reagan-National Precursor, Hoover Airport (Post, Nov. 9)

John Kelly: Good questions. Please send them to Answer Man at answerman@washpost.com.

Answer Man will probably have a little more on Hoover Field this Sunday. Several readers wrote in to mention the public swimming pool that the airport's owners installed. They were looking for a way to make a little more money and hit on that. Supposedly the bathing beauties were one more distraction that pilots had to deal with.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Mouse updates?

John Kelly: None discovered in the house so far, but My Lovely Wife made an unsettling discovery the other day. She went to put something into the glass/can recycling bin and there was a dead mouse at the bottom of it. Possibilities:

He climbed in there, couldn't get out and starved to death. (But couldn't he have lived for a while on all the congealed soda that's found in those bins?)

A cat killed him and dropped him in there.

He was responsible for mouse security and after we caught that other mouse he was executed by his mousy brethren.

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Washignton, D.C.: At this moment in time, I personally feel like somebody is thinking of weird lists to write 24/7 just to make some news. It's not rocket science, and at the end of the day, I absolutely feel that a 5th grade class could write something similar to the list above, and that Oxford shouldn't of wasted their time.

John Kelly: Brilliant. Is that you, ghost of Arthur Miller? If so, tell us who Marilyn Monroe hangs out with in Heaven: you or Joe DiMaggio? Or is Joe DiMaggio still alive?

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G'burg, Md.: John, my neighbor has stacks of magazines that are only a year or two old. He doesn't want to throw them away. Will nursing homes or hospitals take them for their patients and guests to read? Thanks!

John Kelly: I'm thinking no. We did a list a while back of places that take old magazines and I don't remember nursing homes or hospitals being on it. Hospitals probably want to sell you the magazines in their gift shops and I can't think of anything sadder than being in a nursing home and reading a two-year-old magazine. I mean, don't the doctors there ask you stuff like, "Do you know what year it is?" to determine if you're compos mentis? If you answer "2006" it's straight to the locked ward with you. Tell your neighbor to recycle.

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The Press and the Pres: Let's face it, the press was "essentially adversarial" with Bush because the press is mostly liberal, and he was a conservative president. If things change, as you suggest, it will be because the ideology of the press lines up with the new president. Let's not kid ourselves otherwise.

John Kelly: I disagree. I think the press likes a good story more than it likes toeing an ideological line. Bush provided material to be adversarial about: a mishandled war, federal attorneys fired, etc. I'm sure Obama will eventually do the same.

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Pondering: John, have you ever tried to use the last paper towel on the roll? It's really useless as it has strips of glue on it. I wonder if that piece is part of the count that is advertised on the packaging. If it is, we're getting ripped off! I demand justice!

John Kelly: Tell you what: The next roll of paper towels you get, count each towel as you pull it off. Keep a little notepad and pen near the dispenser. Or better yet, since you might forget, just sit down and count the entire roll. Use a Sharpie to number each towel as you pull it off, so you don't lose track. And since there may be some variation roll to roll, better get one of those huge 12-packs from Costco and count all the sheets on each roll, then average out your results. Then report back to us next week. Thanks!

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Cleveland Park, Washington, D.C.: Really annoying phrases:

"I could care less"

"I've got" (Why not "I have"?)

John Kelly: Those are good ones. The interesting things about "I could care less" is that it's happened in our lifetimes. I remember a time when people actually said "I couldn't care less." The change happened some time in the late '80s, I think. It seemed to start among dumb people then spread to the general population.

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Arlington, Va.: Wait, John!

Don't you know that you can't make jokes about Nancy Reagan!? You may need to call to apologize.

John Kelly: I missed the joke that Obama supposedly told about her. I was driving up and down I-95. Someone fill me in.

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Ze Belgians are coming!: Now, being a regular Metro rider, I agree in principle with your idea of a "Belgian fare." However, I am half-Belgian (though born and raised here in the lovely D.C. Metro area). Does this mean I would have to pay 400K to ride the Metro every day? I don't think I can afford it. Also, my mom, who is a full-blooded Belg, could definitely not afford that on a nurse's salary.

What are we to do?

John Kelly: I'm sorry, your mom is going to have to pay. You, however, don't have to. But you have to stand on the Metro. You may not take a seat. Unless it's your top half that's Belgian. If it's your bottom half that's Belgian your butt may not touch vinyl.

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Borgnine: Yes, he's still with us. In fact, according to IMDb, "In 2007, Borgnine became the first Oscar winner for Best Actor to be still alive on his 90th birthday."

John Kelly: Good for him. He'll probably be the only one. I don't think Tatum O'Neill is going to make it.

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Washington, D.C.: I know you will get a number of complaints about the Metro bag search program. I wanted to add my two cents (or $3.65 as the case may be!). I am a liberal and probably stand next to them while they support reproductive rights, protest GITMO and danced in the streets on election night. However, I am so tired of the whining. It is a program designed to suss out explosives and suspicious individuals. And, frankly, if you come into the metro, see a police officer, hunch down, clutch your precious bag and look wild-eyed about for the exit and rush out to another station, I WANT the police to tackle you and tase you. It takes only 20 seconds to look into a bag. I do it at the airport, sports venues, going into federal buildings, etc. Why aren't you complaining about searches in federal buildings? Yes, these searches are random as the program would bog travel down so much if it was for everyone but it is a start. Thanks for taking an opposite view even though I know I'll be derided as a Stalinist for it. I'd rather see the authorities do something than sit on their hands because this "we can't ask people to show us their bags or they'll sue us and cry and we'll have to give them their bottle and soothe them" mentality has so pervaded our country.

John Kelly: I haven't been searched yet so I haven't made my final decision on these. My first reaction is similar to yours: What's the big deal? I do hate how our city has become so bollard-ized, though. Will we ever return to a day where you could actually walk around, go into buildings, without being reminded that some small portion of our fellow Earthlings supposedly wants to kill us?

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Belgium vs. USA: The Belgians may be smarter than us (Hercule Poirot), and they may brew better beer, and make better chocolate, but we have ... help me out here ...

John Kelly: The Space Shuttle

Blue jeans

Disneyworld

James Earl Jones

Lynryd Skynyrd

I could go on. If that Belgian bank doesn't drop its threats we're going to have to come up with Belgian stuff to boycott.

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He was responsible for mouse security and after we caught that other mouse he was executed by his mousy brethren. : Well he deserved it, he wasn't that good at his job as intelligence director now did he?

John Kelly: Yes, my point exactly. He won't be staying over for the new mouse administration.

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DC.: I hear people say these, and it kills me:

1. Mute instead of moot. I think this one is somewhat common.

2. Gecko instead of get-go. I've seen this typed out.

3. Blase instead of blah.

I can use them all in a sentence too: Right from the gecko, it was a mute point, so I tuned them out, thinking to myself, "Blase, blase, blase."

John Kelly: I blame:

1. TV remote controls

2. Geico

3. Hmmm. I don't know who to blame for that one. I'm happy to say I haven't encountered it.

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Baltimore, Md.: Ernest Borgnine is still with us, and still working.

Speaking of Nancy Reagan, my esteem for her greatly increased after reading Wil Haygood's wonderful Post story about the butler who worked in the White House beginning in Eisenhower administration. He was getting ready for a state dinner when Mrs. Reagan walked into the kitchen and told him to stop working, because he and his wife were to be guests at the dinner. It was a charming story and, while he only had good things to say about the other presidents and their families he had served, it seemed like Nancy Reagan was the most approachable, which flies in the face of everything I formerly believed.

washingtonpost.com: A Butler Well Served by This Election (Post, Nov. 7)

John Kelly: That was a wonderful story. And Nancy Reagan really did sound lovely in it.

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Washington, D.C.: Lots of times daycares will take old magazines. Collages, art projects, that type of wacky thing. As long as they aren't Playboys.

John Kelly: Good idea. My daughter often cuts up old mags for her art projects.

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Cleveland Park, Washington, D.C.: John -

In your Wednesday column, you wrote:

"Of course, you're never really alone on the Jersey Turnpike. We drove on it last weekend. It took an hour to inch the last 200 yards up to the ticket dispenser. God apparently works in strange and annoying ways in Jersey."

That's why God inspired the creation of the EZPass. Good also on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, and all of your finer toll booths.

washingtonpost.com: Taking Atheism for a Ride Around Town (Post, Nov. 12)

John Kelly: We're gonna get one, especially if our older daughter ends up going to college somewhere that's reachable only by toll road. But tell me: Do they all work at all the tolls? Or are there different systems? Also, the lines were pretty long at the EZPass lanes too, mostly because cash-only drivers would start off in them, then move over at the last minute. Oh, for a bazooka.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Hey Mr. Journalism Man -- how come it's now "Mr. Obama?" He's still a senator, no?

John Kelly: I don't think we'd ever call him "Sen. Obama" on second reference. We just say "Obama." The New York Times does things differently, giving people it mentions an honorific. That's how you ended up with "Mr. Loaf" in stories about the singer Meat Loaf.

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Miami, Fla.: John Kelly: What are some of your least favorite expressions? Hopefully not "Hey, it's time to chat." Which, of course, it is.

You used my least favorite expression right there: Hopefully. It technically means -- full of hope -- as in, "they hopefully went out to find him." In other words -- they have already gone to find him; they hope they do find him. It is such a sloppy thing to say "hopefully" when you really mean "I hope."

John Kelly: Well, it means both. I quote from my dictionary:

hopefully -- adv. 1. in a hopeful manner 2. it is to be hoped (that)/to leave early, hopefully by six

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Annoying Phrase:: Tell you what.

John Kelly: Good one.

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Annandale, Va.: In the south, "you might could." For example, "You might could stop at the store on the way home." It's a friendly way of suggesting an idea without being too pushy...said with a smile.

John Kelly: I also like the way Southerners leaven the poison with "Bless her heart," as in: "Cecile just makes the worst cobbler, bless her heart."

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Vienna, Va.: Yes, please take your 1-2-year-old magazines to a hospital ER waiting room. Don't even ask; just leave them there. I had to spend time in one recently and there was nothing to read. I would have happily read a 2-year-old magazine! (It was the middle of the night so I couldn't buy one in a gift shop.)

John Kelly: At first I thought you were being facetious, but now I'm not so sure. This sounds like a business opportunity: magazines for desperate ER waiting room inhabitants. I draw the line at the OR, though.

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Dunn Loring, Va.: You disagreed with the comment that the press is mostly liberal, but (without naming any names) how many reporters can you think of that voted for McCain? How does that number compare to those reporters who were strong Obama supporters?

John Kelly: It is hoped that no reporter would be an open Obama supporter. But I think it's possible to have an opinion about something and still cover it in a responsible manner. I mean, when it comes to the Bush presidency, a fair case can be made that the press wasn't aggressive enough, certainly not early on.

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NW D.C.: "With all due respect" is very appropriate. It is at least a way to say I mean this tactfully before you propose a conflicting or argumentative point.

John Kelly: I wonder if that's a dying phrase, though. Do people care about respect anymore?

I remember that when both my kids reached a certain age, they liked to use the word "actually" a lot. I sensed a little passive-aggressive hostility on their part when they used it. "Actually, I don't like green beans." That sort of thing.

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Washington, D.C.: If I may respectfully add the phrase "It is what it is" to that list. This strikes me as the most banal of all phrases uttered. Is it what it is? What else would it be? Has anyone ever said "It isn't what it is?" Please join me in stamping out this horrible use of the English language, most often heard when sports figures and politicians have nothing of value to say (which admittedly is fairly often).

John Kelly: We'd need to replace it with something, though. "I believe it is self-evident"? No, sounds too much like Thomas Jefferson. What expressions like that often do is obscure, or rather provide a sort of shorthand that frees the speaker from describing in more detail. If "it" really "is" what "it is," then give me some context and information.

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The Nancy Reagan Incident: During his press conference, President-elect Obama said that he had spoken with all of the presidents. He corrected himself, saying that he had spoken with all living presidents. He then proceeded to make a joke that he's not like Nancy Reagan holding seances in the White House.

John Kelly: That's no so bad. She did hold seances, right? I thought maybe he'd said something like "I spoke with all living presidents...and Nancy Reagan."

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Worst lines: I hate "irregardless..." and "let's run it up the flag pole..." (with one of several endings), many horrible mixed and mangled metaphors

John Kelly: Yeah, why do we need that "ir-"? Certainly those letters can be put to use elsewhere. And while we're on it, why "inflammable"?

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Malaprops: When I was little I used to think 'cease and disist' was "decease and disist." I thought it meant "shut up and drop dead."

John Kelly: I think it does in New Jersey.

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Reston, Va.: John: I drive periodically from Virginia to Massachusetts and use the EZ-Pass the entire way. The only thing to watch for is that pretty much everywhere the EZ-Pass only lanes are on the left, however in Mass, they are on the right.

John Kelly: Thanks. And is it like SmarTrip? Do you pay some amount for the unit or whatever? I can't wait to get one now!

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Arlington, Va.: This whole kerfuffle of bias is so tedious!

The following was written in Eugene Robinson's chat last Tuesday (re: that more stories were criticle of McCain than Obama). I think it is brilliant!

"Isn't that like pointing out that more sports columnists are saying good things about the Tennessee Titans than the Detroit Lions? Of course they are, one team's winning beyond expectations and headed for the playoffs and the other team has been a major flop with dysfunctional issues. Bias! Bias! "

Great analogy!

John Kelly: There are some media observers (especially in Britain, it seems) who think the notion of objectivity is dumb. No one can be truly objective, they argue, so everyone should just reveal their biases and let readers take it from there. But I look at this the same way I look at religion. There may not be a god but believing in one helps give many people a framework. If religion is important to you you should strive for some sort of sacred perfection. Same with journalism: It may be impossible to be objective, but striving for it brings good things.

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Washington, D.C.: "No problem" instead of "Your welcome".

John Kelly: Even worse, in my opinion, is "Thank YOU." What's wrong with "You're welcome"?

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Reston, Va.: Hi John: Since reading your blog this morning, I've been pondering your use of the word "problematical." Why the extra "al" on the end? Is it grammatically correct? Is it problematic that this has been spinning around in my mind for the last hour?

washingtonpost.com: John Kelly's Commons

John Kelly: Ooh, I think you may be right. I probably was trying to be excessively poetical. Um, poetic.

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Day off on 12/26: The last time 12/26 was on a Friday, the government did close, per an order of President Bush. I think it's pretty likely to happen again, although the president will no doubt be criticized by Democrats (again), given the cost of a day off for federal workers. That won't stop Obama from doing the same thing during his term, however.

John Kelly: Let's give everyone Dec. 26 off, UNLESS you work for a company that got federal bailout money. Then you have to go to work that day.

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Typos: For all those who type "a lot" as one word, ask yourselves, would you ever write "alittle?"

John Kelly: WellIcertainlywouldn't.

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Washington, D.C.: Re: irritating expressions: I frequently hear TV personages say "straight ahead" when referring to the next story. First of all, "straight ahead" sounds like it refers to a physical position, secondly, what's wrong with "next?"

John Kelly: TV has a whole dictionary of irritating expresses. (And should that be 'ritating'?) I despise, "We can reveal" or "We can tell you" when describing some breaking story. Don't tell me you can tell me, just TELL ME!

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D.C.: You can't get rid of "with all due respect." That's the only way to preface disagreement with the Court. Sure, we all know it means "Judge, you're way off base on this one ..." but that phrase is not permitted.

John Kelly: Okay, we can keep that one. I hate to see lawyers in contempt.

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Washington, D.C.: Irritating Expressions: Terrific. That word drives me nuts, though I my feel that way because my first boss out of college always said it and would draw it out in his Midwestern accent, terrrriiiiiffic, while on the phone. By the end of my time there that word to me was the equivalent of finger nails doing down a chalk board.

John Kelly: It's funny the different words that have positive connotations and how they can annoy. "Awesome" came in for ridicule pretty quickly. I remember "brilliant" and "super" having brief blips of popularity while I was a teenager living in England, then being seen as very uncool.

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"No problem" instead of "Your welcome": Um, how about "Your" when "You're" is meant? (Ditto "to" when people mean "too." This is stuff that should have been taught in the first grade.)

John Kelly: Should have been, yes, but we were all too busy trying to cut our way through the mountain of two-year-old magazines that had been left for us.

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Irritating expressions.: Momentarily.

Like on the Metro train, when the driver says, "We'll be moving momentarily" This can be anywhere from a few seconds to half an hour. Why not say we'll be moving when we move?

John Kelly: Whoa, I think you're entering philosophical territory here. "Grasshopper, we will move when we move." It reminds me of those little boxes you sometimes see in The Post: "Joe Columnist is away. His column will resume when he returns." Really? When he returns? And not before?

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Maryland: From Eugene Robinson: "Isn't that like pointing out that more sports columnists are saying good things about the Tennessee Titans than the Detroit Lions? Of course they are, one team's winning beyond expectations and headed for the playoffs and the other team has been a major flop with dysfunctional issues. Bias! Bias! "

Okay, in the context of this campaign I'd certainly agree. But what about 2004, when it was the opposite, with Bush running the focused, disciplined campaign and Kerry the dysfunctional one? Or the same in 1988, with Bush I and Dukakis? Were any studies run on the negative/positive stories then? That would show whether this is a valid analogy or not.

John Kelly: I bet studies were done. The Pew people probably have the data. That sort of thing has gotten really big these days: parsing every story and headline. Entire academic careers are built upon such minutiae.

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New Haven, Conn.: My boss says cursive knowledge when he means the curse of knowledge. I often wonder what he thinks it means...

John Kelly: Your boss isn't the president of Yale, is he?

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Nancy Reagan, Part II: No, Nancy Reagan didn't hold seances. She consulted with astrologers. It was Hillary Clinton who spoke with the dead while in the White House. People I know who took exception to the Nancy Reagan comment thought it was in particularly poor taste, considering that she is recuperating from a fractured pelvis. And because it was untrue.

John Kelly: Agreed. On the other hand, it'd be nice if:

1. Politicians could talk like real people.

2. The media didn't carve them a new one for doing so.

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Verbosity: While I won't defend "at this moment in time," I will generally defend some redundancies as a way of emphasizing the point, and even providing a certain cadence or nuance, particularly when spoken. Not all communication need be as terse as a newspaper with its space constraints. Otherwise we'd all be writing and speaking like we text.

John Kelly: Orwell predicted so many things. Wasn't his language in "1984" designed to reduce the number of things humans could express, and, thus, even think about?

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Logan Circle, Washington, D.C.: I hate all sentences that begin with "As a (mother/teacher/doctor/whatever)". For Nogod's sake, skip the resume and say what you want to say.

John Kelly: I did a column about that once: just a list of all the "as a"s from our Letters to the Editor. It's a bit of scene-setting, credential-raising information, but it can become laughable: "As a diabetic Rosicrucian mother of a special needs child, I..."

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This is really prevalent: There is no such event as the "Superbowl," yet people persist in writing it. The Pac-10 and the Big Ten don't compete in the "Rosebowl." The game in Jacksonville on New Year's is not the "Gatorbowl," and the one in Boise is not the "Humanitarianbowl." Why do people think the Super Bowl is somehow an exception to the TWO-WORD format for these games?

John Kelly: Really, the space bar is the easiest thing on your keyboard to us. Unless you don't have opposable thumbs.

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Easter Monday: Please, trying to get Dec 26 off? Give me a break! It's not a holiday! How about giving everyone all 8 days for Chanukkah off, too? The fact that anyone gets Easter Monday off has to be the biggest joke -- talk about a non-holiday!

Thanks for letting me vent

John Kelly: Your welcome.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Least favorite expression (or one of them), heard frequently while riding the Metro: "Silver Spring is the last and final stop for this train on the Red Line. Please utilize all available exits when exiting the train." Why not, "Silver Spring is the last stop for this train. Please exit through the least crowded door."

John Kelly: Or, "We're here. Get out."

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Alexandria, Va.: I've been waiting for you to come back because you are the only person to whom I can kvetch about this: forget walking/standing on the left/right side of the escalators, as a stair-taker myself, shouldn't the same rule apply? All slow people on the right of the stairs, all quick feet on the left. Please spread the word.

John Kelly: In principle, yes. But escalators are different from stairs. Traffic on escalators is only in one direction. If you're on a down escalator you're not going to encounter anyone coming up. But stairs have two-way traffic. As a general rule you should stay to the right so there isn't a head-on collision, but when passing it should be on the left.

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Seance?: I think Obama got off pretty easy. He took an unnecessary shot at a former first lady less than one week after being elected! And it was quickly forgotten. My question is, when do the kid gloves come off for the President-elect? Will they ever?

John Kelly: That's what will be interesting to watch.

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Momentarily - not so much: Sorry, "momentarily" doesn't mean "in a few moments," it means "for a very short time." Thus, "we'll be moving momentarily" means "we'll be moving for a very short time, after which we will stop again." What the train drivers really mean is "we'll be moving soon." However, they feel bad about people making fun of the way they say "Jew-dish-er-rary Square," so they compensate by misusing big words like "momentarily."

John Kelly: I like the word "soon." Or even "in a little bit."

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Fairfax, Va.: Drives me nuts when people write "loose" when they mean "lose," as in, "The Cowboys will loose on Sunday." I always get the disturbing mental impression of a bunch of football players suffering from the runs when I see this.

John Kelly: I see a bunch of Cowboys running around, being chased by white-coated men with butterfly nets.

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Cameron, N.C.: I got my EZ-Pass from N.Y. If you use a credit card there's no deposit, no fee and automatic replenishment. I only use it to go back north a couple of times a year but it's sure worth it.

John Kelly: I'm sold. Now I know what to ask for for my birthday.

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Washington, D.C.: Washington, D.C.: "No problem" instead of "Your welcome."

John Kelly: Even worse, in my opinion, is "Thank YOU." What's wrong with "You're welcome"?

My issue: "Your welcome" instead of "You're welcome." If people are gonna criticize, make sure you aren't part of the problem :)

John Kelly: Now, now, we're all friends here. This isn't a PhD dissertation. We're typing quickly.

(I have noticed that I've started making more of those mistakes, though. Age? Neurological plaque build-up?)

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Bowie, Md.: How about "Get a life"? As in get a life all of you grouchy grammar word nerds!

John Kelly: Hah! This IS our life? Is that pathetic or what?

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Chantilly, Va.: Re neighbor with old magazines -- check out different antique shops. Some of them would probably buy the magazines. Sure, they're not that old now, but not all "antiques" are all that old. Try Whiting's Old Paper near Richmond, or some of the antique places in Front Royal: those I know about, but there are undoubtedly others.

John Kelly: Let me know if that works for anyone.

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Adams Morgan, Washington, D.C.: John, great idea re the paper towels. I recall a contest years ago, sort of a precursor to Style Invitational, which called for an over the top consumer protection move -- like, what is the matter with the last drop of Maxwell House coffee?

John Kelly: That could be my Pulitzer right there: Bountygate.

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Okay, typo city: Clearly John has opposable thumbs and a space bar, but unlike Electric Company, "Silent E's" are optional ("...on your keyboard to us.")

And right after the person commented that "Your welcome" is wrong and "You're welcome" is right...John used the wrong one. So, John is not trainable.

I know...so nit-picky when it's a Friday, but you started it with the grammar b--ch-fest.

John Kelly: Yes, but I did it on purpose, ironically.

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Butt naked?!?!?: It's "buck naked" people!!

John Kelly: Perhaps, but: Why? What is it about bucks that calls to mind nakedness? More study is needed.

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Let's conversate, John Kelly.: It's generally irritating when people make up their own words, unless they are under five years old (in which case it is adorable) or they are a rapper (in which case it is art). In addition to the use of the word "conversate," I will add "sociable" (for social). These are annoying brain droppings and they should be cleaned up immediately.

Also, it is very irritating for civilians to apply terms of warfare to their job in, say, accounting.

John Kelly: Made up words are okay, if they are suitably evocative. I once wrote that My Lovely Wife and I "Iwo-Jima'd the Christmas tree in the living room." Now, Iwo Jima isn't a verb, but I wanted to give the image of the tree being levered up like on that Pacific atoll.

Of course, I are a professional.

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My Phrase: It's time to roll on up out of here.

John Kelly: Right UR.

Lots of great comments today. Sorry I couldn't get to so many of them. Join us again next week when we conversate, same time, same place. Read the column. Check out the blog. Buy the T-shirt. Rent the director's cut. Phew.

CU later.

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