Celebritology Live: Angie vs. Jen, Again; Tom Cruise on the 'Most Fascinating' List?; Fun with Cold Viruses

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Liz Kelly
washingtonpost.com Celebritology Blogger
Thursday, November 13, 2008; 2:00 PM

When stars shave their heads, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion and serves as co-proprietress of post.com's "Lost" Central.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Welcome back to the show. I'm Liz and I'll do my best not to breathe on anyone. If there are any medical types in the audience, please esplain to me how it is that we can invent Viagra but haven't yet come up with a way to quickly despatch a cold virus? Really, I want to know, so send me any and all info because I am so over being sick and even the cat is sick of my whining. If I were put through the Madge-o-Lator, I'd probably be described thusly:

She has all the tolerance of a whiny baby trapped in the body of a snot monster.

What, you thought you had come here to talk about glamorous celebrity type stuff? Don't worry, we'll get to that.

But first, a few reminders/announcements:

-- For the 2.4 members of the "Lost" Book Club out there, just a reminder that we'll be discussing this month's selection, "Catch 22," tomorrow at 2 p.m. ET.

-- Continuing the "Lost" theme, ABC has announced a start date for the new season: Jan. 21 at 9 p.m. ET. Though, the "premiere event" kicks off at 8. And, leading up to the new season, Jen Chaney and I are putting together a "Lost" themed iTunes playlist and we're seeking your input. Share your song suggestions here.

-- For anyone who missed the announcement last week, Mighty Appetite blogger Kim O'Donnel and I will be hosting a meet-and-greet happy hour on Thursday, Dec. 4 from 6 - 8 p.m. at D.C.'s M Bar. If you're Facebook enabled, details are available here. Looks like this is already shaping up into quite an event and we're hoping to announce more details next week.

Finally, we can get to the celebrity stuff. I'm interested in hearing your take on the latest flare up of the Jen vs. Angie feud. Jen says she's over the whole thing, but if that's the case why is she still talking about it three years later? Is she still not over Brad? Is she just drumming up some press ahead of next month's release of "Marley and Me?" Did she, like Liz Lemon's brother, have a skiing accident that renders her forever doomed to relive 2005 over and over again?

Speaking of Liz Lemon, Tina Fey leads the list of Barbara Walters's most fascinating people of 2008. Joining her: Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Miley Cyrus, Frank Langella, Rush Limbaugh and Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. I get most of those...

But enough from me. Let's get started...

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Geez, Just look at him!: So who did you bribe this weekend to get that yummy picture of Daniel in The Post? (Yes just an excuse to get you to post it here!) Made my entire weekend and week since I can't go see the new 007 until next Thursday!

Liz Kelly: It isn't as if I'm the only one who recognizes the man's a looker. I doubt much arm-twisting went into that decision.

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Bond, James Bo, ND: Liz! In Sunday's Post (style section I think) there was a big, lovely picture of the one and only Daniel Craig. The caption beneath it admitted there was no real reason to print the picture except, "jeez, look at this guy!" I laughed out loud when I read that and assumed you MUST have had something to do with it. True?

-From a gal who's hoping for a Quantum of Solace swimsuit scene :)

washingtonpost.com: Daniel Craig

Liz Kelly: And again, no, I had nothing to do with it. Just think of it as the Style section's gift to all of us.

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GOOP Glop: ...So in today's Goop missive Gwynnie reccomends that in this economy one should purchase Giuseppe Zanotti shoes at $995, and/or Roger Vivier tartans will run you about 800 pounds, or $1,180ish.

Can someone please tell her Sophia Coppola already made the Marie Anoinette movie. Let them eat cake!

Liz Kelly: But she did accessorize with a belt from Urban Outfitters.

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Got my flu shot early: Liz: If I come to your little soiree , how can I be sure I won't catch a cold? Can I bring a small hand sanitizer or will that make me stand out like a sore thumb?

Liz Kelly: Well, darling, the soiree is almost a month away. I'm confident that this cold will be a dim memory by then.

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NOT an Atlanta Housewife: Not sure how I got roped into this show, but I've now seen like 5 episodes of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. My question: how old is Kim? My husband guessed 40 pluw, but I thought she said she was like 29...does a 29-year-old need Botox?

Liz Kelly: I'm glad you brought this up because there is no way that woman is 29. I'd guesstimate maybe a hard-used 38. And, while we're at it, is her entire head of hair fake? It all looks synthetic.

I've nosed around a bit, but can't seem to find much information about Kim. Though Media Takeout is reporting that she and mystery boyfriend "Big Poppa" are done-zo.

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Arlington, Va.: Unlike when pregnant with the twins, Angelina's people are absolutely denying that she is pregnant again. Think it's just a rumor?

Liz Kelly: I do. It strikes me as a bit early and I doubt Angie and Brad are as careless about their birth control as Britney and K-Fed were.

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Ellicott City, Md.: I know none of you listen to Sports Talk Radio, but a couple of years ago Dan Patrick (when he had a radio show on ESPN) interviewed Matt Hasselbeck (QB for Seattle), brother-in-law of our beloved Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Dan asked Matt about Elizabeth's political opinions on 'The View.' Matt responded that she, Elizabeth, just repeats what he and his brother talk about. Huh? I was shocked that Matt said that on the radio.

Liz Kelly: I'm shocked that anyone would want to claim those half-formed thoughts as his own.

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Hollywood, Fla.: Liz: Can we get serious here for a minute? There are some rumors of steriod use by some of Hollywood's hard-body hunks. Can you link to some more explicit photos to give us a chance to track this rumor down? Thank you for your service.

Liz Kelly: I might need everyone's help in gathering data on this obviously untrue, vicious story.

In an initial look, it appears to me that Gerard Butler is steroid free.

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Washington, D.C.: Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds the Daniel Craig obsession disturbing. I'm just going to say it -- the man is ugly. Terrible face, dull eyes and a so so body. Can we keep this chat Daniel Craig picture-free today?

Liz Kelly: Alas, too late -- but I will post a pic of someone more to your liking. Just send it over.

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So I saw actual celebrities this week....: I was in L.A. visiting a friend who's an actress, and we went to a benefit for autism called Autism Speaks: Acts of Love. The actors I've heard of that performed were Gil Bellows (Ally McBeall's love interest), Brenda Strong (Mary Alice from Desperate Housewives), and Julia Sweeney from SNL.

I got to talk with them after -- Gil was very friendly and polite and talked about a movie he's doing for HBO about autism. Brenda is insanely tall, much taller than you'd expect. And she has perfect posture and manners that could out-Bree Bree Hodge.

And the most random sighting: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in the audience. Heidi is tiny -- even with her in huge heels I could practically see the top of her head. Spencer looked like a bored mall-boy and yawned during the show.

I wish I could provide more interesting feedback, but there you are....

Liz Kelly: Well thank you for the first-hand report. I guess Denis Leary didn't make it this year. Hunh.

And I've found that most celebrities -- at least women -- tend to look much teensier in real life. Virginia Madsen: tiny. Fergie: tiny. Padma Lakshmi: tiny.

The one celeb I interviewed who did not look frail in person was "Private Practice's" Kate Walsh. She was stunning and in shape, but also totally realistically proportional.

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Will People PLEASE STOP Giving TC a Platform: I know a lot of people feel kinda ehhh about Barbara Walters or even out and out dislike, but I generally like her and respect all that she's accomplished (The View is what causes my "generally" qualifier). So I, in general, if I don't like someone she's picked for these things, it's like eh...and move on. But, please, please, please STOP giving Tom Cruise another place to shoot off his big, fat, ignorant mouth. He needs to be stopped and this type of enabling really makes me rethink my position on those doing the enabling. Rant over. Thanks.

Liz Kelly: Well, I don't know that I'm quite as irate about this as you, but I am wondering what Tom did this year to merit inclusion. He was in one movie that tanked another that's been held over for a 2009 release and spent the fall following Katie Holmes around Manhattan. Am I, in my feverish delirium, forgetting some amazing feat he accomplished this year?

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I doubt Angie and Brad are as careless about their birth control as Britney and K-Fed were: Didn't Brangelina use in vitro for the twins?

Liz Kelly: Was that ever confirmed?

And, also, a couple can use in vitro for one pregnancy and then get pregnant the old fashioned way, right?

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Did she, like Liz Lemon's brother, have a skiing accident that renders her forever doomed to relive 2005 over and over again? : But he was faking!

Liz Kelly: My point exactly!

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Not sleeping so well either: Liz: Do you ever worry that artificial intelligence will obtain singularity and take over the world? Would they (our masters the computers) understand Lindsey Lohan and our obsession with Ashley and Mary-Kate or will it be too late?

Liz Kelly: Maybe Lilo and Mary Kate and all the rest of this stuff is just so much pablum to lull us into submission while the computers quietly take over. I know every time I stray from a celeb news site to something actually meaningful, I get a shock from my keyboard.

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For your cold: Try a hot toddy (brown liquor of your choice, fresh lemon juice plus slice, hot water or tea). It works best when the cold is just about to take hold of you, but hey, it can't hurt.

Liz Kelly: Thanks, I'll give that a try. Right now I'm drinking hot tea and mainlining Ricola.

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Methinks: God bless you, Liz. (That's for the sneezes and the good work.) Having a good deal of fun with the Madge-o-lator...

Don't you think President-elect Obama and his lovely wife need to keep their daughters far, far away from Miley Cyrus and her ilk. Just say no, to Hannah Montana!

Liz Kelly: I'm sure the Obamas will do what is best for Malia and Sasha. Most girls their age are nutso for "Hannah Montana" -- I know my eight-year-old niece is -- so it might be a nice treat for them to visit the set. There's a limited amount of Miley damage that can be inflicted on them in that controlled Disney-fied environment. I hope.

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Celebrity crushes: Sam Jackson claims he has a crush on Helen Mirren. Would that mean Don Cheadle has a crush on Emma Thompson?

Liz Kelly: Only if Don Cheadle is somehow the bizarro world Sam Jackson.

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Darn work computer!: Man! The Gerard Butler pic was blocked. I'll have to check it out tonight. Thankfully Daniel Craig's pic went through.

Liz Kelly: Well, a quick Google image search will bring up many more of the same flavor.

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The male Tara Reid?: Jesse Metcalfe is the male Tara Reid.

The case for the prosecution:

Bright young thing has sexualized supporting role in Breakout project (TR: American Pie, JM: Deperate Housewives); attempts to capitalize on career moment with similar role (TR: Van Wilder, etc., JM: John Tucker must die), makes faaar too many stops on the party circuit, loses cultural relevancy, is injured (TR: plastic surgery, JM: balcony fall in Monaco).

Desperate Dude Metcalfe Survives Horrific Fall (Eonline, Nov. 11)

Liz Kelly: The only thing missing is a brief stint hosting his own E! show.

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Boston, Mass.: I had a random thought earlier today that you can maybe help me with: whatever happened to Friends' Matthew Perry? Does he still act? Is he still a serial dater? Is he married with kids? Is he fat? Is he thin? I have no idea! The guy fell off the face of the earth, seems like.

Liz Kelly: Well, he had a big part on NBC's other "30 Rock" -- "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip."

And, according to IMDB, he's just completed filming a movie with Zac Efron. Lucky Matthew!

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D.C. (Daniel Craig) fan: Gee, Liz, I wish I was still 16 and I could cut out that picture and put it in my locker or on my bedroom wall. But I don't think my husband would like that....or my boss!

Liz Kelly: You have a locker?

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Ha!: What pic did you post of Mr. Butler!? My computer blocked it too!

Liz Kelly: Geez. It was just a pic of him in some bermuda shorts standing on what appears to be the deck of a sailboat. Nothing scandalous.

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I'm just going to say it -- the man is ugly. : But some of us think ugly is sexy.

Liz Kelly: Yes. Attractiveness is all in the eye of the beholder and it isn't always looks that wins us over.

I have a few guys on my extended kitchen list that some might question on the basis of looks: Vincent Gallo, Iggy Pop, Benicio del Toro, Sam Elliott.

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Chevy Chase, Md.: Hi, really can't wait to get Lost started! I want to say I really hope Beyonce is NOT Wonderwoman! I loved the first two Austin Powers movies and watched them countless times. But Beyonce, with her non-acting skills and total lack of chemistry with Mike Myers just destroyed that series for me. Let's not let her ruin another movie and encourage her to stick to her day job!

Liz Kelly: I think Beyonce is a long way away from landing the "Wonder Woman" gig. At this point, sounds like either she or DC Comics are trying to create a little buzz around the idea. But I thought some of the suggestions from Tuesday's piece by Tanya Ballard Brown were way better.

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Anonymous: Have you made peace with Yossarian yet ?

Liz Kelly: I'll let you know tomorrow at 2 p.m. ET.

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Kim O'D.: Liz, you were summoned in today's chat about your experiences with Earth Balance spread in your holiday pie crusts, but that cold must be blocking your virtual sinus passages and affecting your hearing. I have no celeb news to report from Seattle, but I am working on my outfit for our Dec. 4 shindig. Ta-ta.

washingtonpost.com: What's Cooking

Liz Kelly: My cooking mentor, Kim O'Donnel everyone. An actual celebrity drop in!

And, yes, I love the Earth Balance.

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Sleeping: Hi Liz,

Speaking of trouble sleeping, every few months I have really intense dreams about Lost. I'm usually one of the Losties and we're trying to find a way to escape. I had another one last night, that was standard -- and then some aliens came. Seriously.

Does this ever happen to you? And how can I get it to stop?

Liz Kelly: Yes. When Jen and I are in the thick of the season and our analyses I often have recurring "Lost" dreams. Seriously, writing those things with Jen is like going on a vision quest -- it takes everything we have and then some.

I suggest more booze before bed.

(I'm obviously kidding.)

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Actual fascinating people: That volleyball coach from the Olympics whose parents-in-law were attacked (1 killed) after the opening ceremonies, and then he led the team to a gold medal.

-Jon Hamm -- or anyone Mad Men related.

-Heath Ledger -- well you can't interview him but he was clearly a big story of the year.

-Tina Fey.

...And the list goes on -- instead she picked WILL SMITH and TOM CRUISE? wha?

Liz Kelly: Couldn't agree more re: John Hamm. He's a definite.

Heck, I'd even put Britney Spears on the list. She totally turned her life around this year. I was fascinated.

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Oakton, Va.: Do I think "Marley and Me" would be a better movie if the Marley in question was Bob Marley?

Liz Kelly: Absolutely.

He could lead Jen and that Wilson brother in a rousing rendition of "Buffalo Soldier." It would be the feel good movie of the year.

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Sam Elliott: It's the voice, isn't it? (Tell me it's not the mustache.)

Liz Kelly: Well, not every Sam Elliott. I think the "Road House" Sam Elliott is my kind of Sam. He's kind of dirty and seedy.

Great, now my secret is out.

I'd like to add that there is nothing at all dirty or seedy about Mr. Liz.

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Washington, D.C.: Liz, we know how much you love Angelina, but even you have to admit it's in poor taste to brag about falling for another woman's husband.

Liz Kelly: As I said to my "friend" this morning, Angie keeps getting asked about this stuff.

Do you really think she sits down to an interview and starts things off by saying "I really want to set the record straight about how early Brad and I fell in love?" No. Interviews -- especially long profile pieces where the writer spends much time with the subject -- have a way of unearthing details that might have been better left unsaid. Think of it as a variation on Stockholm Syndrome.

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Why would Aniston let go?: Clinging to the breakup has provided her with the only sure-fire way to attract media attention. Every time she experiences a lull in publicity love (whenever she stops talking about Brangelina), she can always get back the spotlight by putting on a brave face for a little while longer.

Liz Kelly: Yep. Because, seriously, what is the next most interesting thing about Jennifer Aniston after her relationship/break-up with Brad Pitt?

The fact that she was on "Friends?"

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Virginia: Hi Liz, I have no question, just a commiseration with you on the whole giant ball of snot thing. I am actually getting to read the chat in real time due to working from home so as not to infect my co-workers. Yay! And I am right there with the chatter who suggested hot toddies...I'm just trying to be a responsible teleworker and waiting till 5 PM to break out the "brown liquor."

Liz Kelly: Good girl. I work from home most days and when I'm sick I realize just how lucky I am to have that privilege.

I'm typing to you today from the official Celebritology bed, with Andy the cat at my feet, tea at one elbow, Kleenex at the other and all the glitz you can fit in to a sick room.

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Seedy and dirty: Have you seen "The Wrestler" yet? That'll shake that fantasy from your brain.

Liz Kelly: Well, actually, "Bar Fly" and "Rumble Fish" era Mickey Rourke is another weakness of mine.

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Frank Langella? Most Interesting?: Only if he's left Whoopi for Barbara, I guess.

Liz Kelly: Yeah, that one puzzled me, too.

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Not a doctor but I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night...: When you have a cold your acidity balance can often get out of whack ( so much orange juice, etc. ) so take an antiacid to help to get back in balance.

Liz Kelly: Okay, thanks doc. My mom said something similar. She called me at 10 o'clock on Tuesday night to tell me not to eat any tomatoes because of the acidity issue. Boy did that avert a crisis.

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Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: Ellicott City's cited interview between Dan Patrick and Matt Hasselbeck is an example of why so few people with even a modicum of intellect listen to sports talk radio.

As for Gerard Butler, you may not have detected steroids, but my net nanny detected something NSFW and blocked the link. Now I'm on report, Liz.

Liz Kelly: Ah, Men's Wear -- I'm so happy you've surfaced. I actually have a question for you. I'm looking for a "Mad Men"-ish subtle black watch plaid overcoat/rain coat for Mr. Liz. Where can one be had?

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Do you really think she sits down to an interview and starts things off by saying "I really want to set the record straight about how early Brad and I fell in love?" No.: Okay, but can't we say the same thing about Aniston? Did she show up saying "I'm going to complain about Angie?"

Maybe she did, I don't know.

Liz Kelly: Absolutely. Agreed.

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Carlsbad, Calif.: Can we have our weekly dose of Andy, please? (Photo request)

Do you think the media would not make such a big deal of the Jen/Brangelina thing if Jen was partnered/married? I just wonder if they keep poking because she has stayed single and Brad has not.

Also, isn't it odd that someone as young as Angelina would have IVF? And why IVF when she's addicted to adopting anyway?

Liz Kelly: Sure, here's Andy yesterday perched on our fireplace mantel. I still can't figure out how he got up there.

Re: Jen -- she hasn't stayed single, really. She had that fake publicity relationship with Vince Vaughn and now she seems to genuinely be into something deep with John Mayer.

And, nope, I don't think that Angelina's fertility is something worth speculating about here.

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Tricky Dick: Frank Langella is playing Richard Nixon in the movie Nixon and Frost.

Liz Kelly: Which opens Dec. 26 -- I see your point, but it hardly qualifies as something we'll remember as quintessentially 2008. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm willing to concede that.

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GOOP - killing the celebrity mystique?: The kids at Gawker have a sharp critique of GOOP -- they need to catch up with Celebritology!

Gwyneth Paltrow Should Get Out of Web Publishing (Gawker, Nov. 13 7)

Liz Kelly: Enh, there's enough material for several blog posts worth of scoffing at Gwynnie's expense.

Here's my contribution., from way back in September.

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Seedy and dirty: Chris Cooper in Adaptation, please.

Liz Kelly: Ahh, yes. Thank you. I see your Chris Cooper and raise you one Ian McShane in "Deadwood."

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Break from Snark: I am wondering if that suicide in front of Paula Abdul's house will cause any changes to the opening audition episodes of American Idol. And even though I love to snark about Paula, she does seem like a very fragile person who would be devastated by it.

Liz Kelly: You raise a good point.

Yesterday I watched the footage of the woman's appearance on "Idol" and it reminded me of what I simultaneously like and hate about the early part of the "Idol" season. It is interesting to see them winnow thousands upon thousands of contestants down to the small group that goes to Hollywood, but in the past couple of years -- since William Hung, really -- the early shows have turned into a showcase for the freakiest people who turn up for an audition. You can't seriously tell me that the people who vetted that woman -- Paula Goodspeed -- felt she had enough going for her to merit an audience with Paul, Randy and Simon. Or that half of the other oddities that make it into that room do. They're chosen because they're easy targets.

But, I'll stop short of saying that Goodspeed's dismissal from "Idol" auditions had any hand in her death. She was obviously a very disturbed person and had reportedly been obsessed with Paula Abdul for years -- even before "Idol." And she had a history of having psychiatric problems and of showing up outside Abdul's home many times before.

It's amazing to me that she made it to the judging room at all, but that isn't what sent her over the edge.

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Nosy Parker: For celebs who are nowadays finding Scientology, Kabballah or GOOP a bit too mainstream, may I recommend Summum (founded 1975), whose case for a monument in a city park in Utah was heard yesterday by the Supremes?

Among their 7 "aphorisms" are belief in psychokinesis (ability to move objects with only one's mind) and the conviction that "everything vibrates." Check out Slate's wicked report on their day in court: "Everything Vibrates - The Supreme Court grapples with the primordial ooze of the Summum case"

washingtonpost.com: Everything Vibrates (Slate, Nov. 12)

Liz Kelly: Don't tell Madonna and Tom about this? There'll be a run on mummification.

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Carlsbad, Calif.: That photo is so cute! And yeah, I have the same question for my cat -- he got up on our fireplace mantel and knocked off a cat angel gargoyle thingie, which broke. Bad kitty.

Liz Kelly: Well, maybe he thought it didn't quite give off the right vibe.

As soon as I took that pic of Andy, I snatched him off of the mantel before he could break any of my statuary.

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Bethesda, Md.: Chris Cooper was only ever sexy in "Lone Star."

Vincent Gallo, however, even though he has good features, goes beyond dirty and seedy to just plain "eww."

Liz Kelly: To each her own.

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Arlington Gay: You seriously don't know how Andy got on the mantle? Doesn't look all that high to me and it's a well known fact that cats practically levitate. And they have incredible aimability to land in the most amazing places. I'm impressed you got the pic, though. My furbies have, of late, started to pose in a cute way and instantly desist when they sense the camera.

Liz Kelly: Oh, Andy's a ham. If he sees a camera come out, he amps up the cute factor.

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"fake publicity relationship with Vince Vaughn" : Okay speaking of Vince Vaughn -- have you seen the new Esquire feature that goes out of its way to call him large, fat, etc., multiple times? Even more interesting was how the feature tried to paint him as Mr. Friendly towards random fans on the street/restaurant -- if anything I have heard Vaughn is someone to avoid in person as he can be quite mean to the hoi palloi. Any clarification?

Liz Kelly: Ya know, I'm actually not up on my Vince Vaughn lore and haven't seen that Esquire yet. Mr. Liz must be hoarding his copy somewhere. Perhaps there is a Meghan Fox spread in it.

I've not heard anything against Vince in the past, tho.

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Ahh, yes. Thank you. I see your Chris Cooper and raise you one Ian McShane in "Deadwood." : got you both beat with Steve Buscemi. Don't know why but that snaggle tooth freak always gave me the hots.

Liz Kelly: Okay, now you've lost even me.

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In vitro: Angie adamantly denied it and noted that if she had, she certainly would have told people because she'd have wanted to help publicize something for women who were unable to get pregnant. She said it would not have been anything to be ashamed of or hide for any reason, so she would have told people. This was in her People interview with the baby pics. I actually believe what she said. We've heard lots of other details about her babies, like that she breast feeds, etc., so no reason for her to keep that a secret.

Liz Kelly: So there you are.

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Seattle, Wash.: Liz, Are you a fan of True Blood? I was unsure in the beginning, but I've come around to completely love it... though if they really want it to be a "mystery" romance show there's a lot more they could be doing to make the fang-banger killer storyline more thrilling. And while Bill and Sookie are great, but I think Layfayette is my favorite by far. Kind of sad there are only two episodes left!

Um, and to keep this Celeb-life related, I hear Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are dating for real -- got any dish on that?

Liz Kelly: I am totally sold on "True Blood." Love it, though it's totally soft vampire pr0n. I guess the Alan Ball touch does something to class it up a little.

And I'm convinced the killer is the Iraqi vet guy. And I mean vet as in veteran, not Andy doctor.

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Washington, D.C.: Will Smith and Tom Cruise. Seriously, who thinks they were the stand- outs of 2008? Clearly, though, they have the best publicists in Hollywood.

Liz Kelly: They probably have the same publicist, considering.

Maybe Will was included for his genius stroke of recasting his son Jaden as a modern day "Karate Kid."

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Seedy choice: Toothless or bald -- your preference?

Liz Kelly: I'm not sure I like the alternatives. Can I opt for long, stringy hair and face stubble?

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The O'Neal Deal: The attached photo of the troubled O'Neal men begs for snarky interpretation -- they have the exact same tourtured/constipated expression on their faces:

Ryan O'Neal, Son Delay Entering Pleas In Drug Charges (The Huffington Post, Nov. 13)

Liz Kelly: Ryan O'Neal has had that constipated look for the past 30 years. Seriously, I hope that family gets its act together. They're worse than the Brando clan.

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Neverland Ranch: Is it actually out of Jacko's hands? It sounds like ownersnip was transferred to a company he half owns so technically doesn't he still have an ownership tie to it?

Michael Jackson Grows Out Of Neverland (The New York Times, Nov. 13)

Liz Kelly: Yep -- that's my take on the situation. He's basically playing a shell game with his money.

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Ashburn Va.: Hi Liz,

I usually always agree with your assessments but I don't understand the hatred of Jennifer Aniston. Imagine getting a divorce and then quickly seeing your ex-husband together with the most beautiful woman on earth. He allows all the talk that the divorce was over you not wanting children and hides behind his new woman's do-gooding to make him look golden. Oh, and it all happens in front of millions of people. And years go by and tabloids still talk about it and wonder if you're depressed. I think that would be hard to overcome. She probably should have let Angie's comments go past, but people slip up.

I just don't think she deserves all the ridicule she gets.

Liz Kelly: I don't hate Jennifer Aniston at all. I guess I just feel as strongly about the need to be fair to Angelina Jolie as you do about the same thing for Jen.

And, again, if there's a bad guy in this situation it is Brad Pitt, not Angelina.

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Neiman who ?: What was all this fuss about people being trampled because of some "Twilight" star that I never heard of ? Do people actually go to malls anymore ?

Liz Kelly: Robert Pattinson. The next big it boy. Comic Con audiences were wild about him. But according to a recent "EW" article, he's actually not so keen on tweenie-bopper attention.

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Neverland Ranch in receivership...: So my "free ride on a pony" card is no good ?

Liz Kelly: It depends on your definition of pony.

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Washington, D.C.: It might be too late but Liz, do you know the name of the Japanese company that makes the flavored toothpaste that Gene mentioned in his chat the other day? My pregnant sister would love green tea toothpaste.

Liz Kelly: I believe this is the company. Anyone out there read Japanese character?

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Piscataway, N.J.: As I sit at my computer in my pleated Dockers (tm), realizing that Daniel craig is probably gay and would never, ever want to sleep with any of the ladies who read Celebritology, I'm forced to ponder why do even you bother with all this celebrity fluff, especially when there are so many more newsworthy events happening that don't get covered by the Post.

Then I stop and realize -- what a minute, when did Shatner get his own talk show? And is this just further evidence that Shatner is moving closer and closer to the Regis archetype? And is that a good or bad thing?

Liz Kelly: I think this is one of the cyborgs trying to shake my confidence.

Listen robot, real men don't wear pleats. That's where you goofed up. Nice try.

_______________________

Tommy Lee Jones: No one will agree with me, but he has some kind of compelling quality (I think it is the fact that I have never seen a movie where he smiles).

Liz Kelly: Well, my mother would agree with you.

_______________________

Nosy Parker: You buddy Kim just gave you a lovely shout-out last hour on her vegetarian Thanksgiving online chat. So, what are you and Mr. Liz having for dinner on non-turkey day?

Liz Kelly: Ah yes, as mentioned above.

Mr. Liz and I will be having the Whole Foods catered Butternut Squash tart. My mom's ordering it along with a few other side dishes since Thanksgiving somehow grew into feeding 20+ people this year.

_______________________

Men's Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: Liz, I think that a raincoat/topcoat in a black watch tartan does not exist as an off-the-rack item. I've probably replicated many of your searches. The closest match I've found is a glenn plain topcoat from Banana Republic that I'm sure you have already seen

Banana Republic

My searches did return a hit for a black watch coat on Sierra Trading Post, but their web site is currently down, so I can't offer any details.

I found a handsome black watch dinner jacket from Brooks Brothers for "only" $798.

For $798 you could go to a tailor and get Mr. Liz a custom tailored topcoat in a black watch pattern.

Seriously, if Mr. Liz MUST have a topcoat in a black watch pattern, the custom tailored approach is probably the realistic -- if expensive -- way to go this year.

Liz Kelly: You make a good point. And thank you so much for doing the keyboard work. I love that dinner jacket. So Don Draper.

_______________________

Paige?: Not keeping you company while you are indisposed? Usually dogs are far more sympathetic than cats.

Liz Kelly: Page is downstairs looking for reasons to bark. Mailman, squirrels, a leaf scuttling along the deck.

_______________________

Mens Wear Dept Tysons Corner: And if you happen to see a tuxedo Maine Coon cat on the loose, please tell him to come home. The Lady from Legal and I are losing hope.

Liz Kelly: Rut roh. Will do. Sorry to hear that Mens Wear.

_______________________

Bawlmer: Looking forward to the soiree! And no worries about illness. Remember, alcohol kills germs.

Liz Kelly: Oh my, 3:02 already? Time for me to close up shop. This was fun and totally got my mind off of my cold for an hour. Thank you one and all.

See you here next week and tomorrow in the blog for a Friday List. Yay!

_______________________

Liz Kelly: One last update. That Japanese company has a version of their site in English, complete with a description of the breath palette:

Mouth Gel
1 Sweet Salt
2 Tropical Pineappl
3 Peppermint
4 Fresh Yogurt
5 Green Tea
6 Rose
7 Monkey Banana
8 Honey
9 Kiwi Fruit
10 Cafe au Lait
11 Plum
12 Fuji Apple
13 Vanilla
14 Indian Curry
15 Strawberry
16 California Orange
17 Kyoto Style Tea
18 White Peach
19 Japanese Plum
20 Lavender
21 Darjeeling Tea
22 Cinnamon
23 Grape
24 Lemon Tea
25 Bitter Chocolate
26 Blueberry
27 Caramel
28 Espresso
29 Grapefruit
30 Pumpkin Pudding
31 Cola

_______________________

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