Celebritology Live: Jessica Simpson's Curves; Angelina's Backward Dress
Thursday, January 29, 2009; 2:00 PM
When stars shave their heads, marry (or divorce) inadvisedly, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.
Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.
In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion and serves as co-proprietress of post.com's "Lost" Central.
Liz Kelly: So, Joaquin Phoenix's "rep" is has responded to rumors that Phoenix's rap "career" is a hoax, telling MTV News that not only is Phoenix serious, but "He intends on exploring his musical interests despite speculative, negative or positive reactions." Go Joaquin. Hey, if Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy and ScarJo can do it, why not you? If only he could do it without that ferret wrapped around his face.
Everyone's favorite right wing cutie, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, is expecting her third child. Hasslebeck claims she didn't know she was pregnant for two months, thinking she had "electionitis." So she's saying she attributed extreme fatigue and nausea to a McCain loss? Nice.
Okay, enough preamble -- let's get started and if anyone wants to share any Super Bowl predictions or ideas for alternate Sunday evening plans, please send them in...
Guiliana Dipandi on the red carpet: GD is my new train-wreck fav on the red carpet: For the SAGS she gave me a flash-back to the the PItt-Jolie's super stalker fan that freaked Brad out on Oprah during the "Benjamin Button" rollout; at the Golden Globes she had the English guy from "True Blood" re-enact his butt to camera choreography during loves cenes. It's cringe-inducing nuttiness. Does she do any actual prep for this stuff or is it all off-the-cuff?
washingtonpost.com: Celebritology 101: Red Carpet Moments from Hell
Liz Kelly: Giuliana Rancic, yes -- she made E!'s red carpet cringe-ingly fun to watch... and she's a hometown girl -- from Bethesda and a graduate of UMD, I believe...
On or off?: SJP and Matthew Broderick? J Lo and Marc Anthony?
Liz Kelly: Word is that SJP and MB have been spotted making an effort to appear united and content with one another lately. Holding hands, even.
And J.Lo and Marc Anthony put on quite a show of affection during inauguration week in D.C., holding hands on stage at one of the balls.
So perhaps there is hope for true and enduring celebrity love, after all.
Alternate Sunday Plans: As WP's TV guru Ms. De Moraes always suggests: there's always Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl.
washingtonpost.com: We'll be doing A LOT of chatting about the Puppy Bowl tomorrow, including in Ms. De Moraes's discussion.
Liz Kelly: I believe there will also be a chat with the puppy bowl producer. Is that right, Paul?
Lohanville, Republic of Crazy - SaMANtha: Seriously what does Michael Lohan get out of these blog wars? I doubt the extra-publicity translated to dollars for him, even paid-interview wise he's hardly a hot source. Do you think this is all coordinated w/ LiLo's PR team to keep her ever questionable name in the press? Yeesh.
Liz Kelly: Not much.
I think the better question would be what does he want out of these blog wars. The answer is attention, but his chosen strategy provides diminishing returns. There are only so many times we'll pay attention to him trashing Samantha Ronson before it gets old. It's already old. We've gleaned all there is to glean from this situation:
-- He doesn't like Samantha Ronson.
-- He's a shameless self-promoter.
-- Lindsay is particularly unlucky in the parent department.
Angelina's backwards dress was wiggidy-widdigy-wack!: The early '90s are making a comeback Kriss Kross style! My only question is whether she would prefer to be called Mack Daddy or Daddy Mack.
washingtonpost.com: KRIS KROSS - Jump (youtube.com)
Liz Kelly: Okay, I have to agree. Here's a pic of Jolie in the Max Azria dress and it is, well, a little bit blousy. But the worst backward outfit in red carpet history has to go to Celine Dion and her Oscars 1999 backward tuxedo.
Carm down fatty!: A) I don't think anyone is outraged at Jessica Simpson's "weight gain" (she looks fine to me) that 'Mom Jeans' outfit on the other hand...
B) What is really lame is Ashlee (no doubt being prodded by Poppa Joe, head of their PR machine) extending the story by releasing her "outraged" quote.
Liz Kelly: I'm not so sure Jessica is upset at the continued attention. She hasn't done much on the career front lately to get her any press and the other story out there circulating about her involves boyfriend Tony Romo stepping out on her -- and in her own house. Ouch.
All the static aside, I don't think it unusual that a sister would jump to the defense of a sibling being attacked in the tabloids. On her MySpace blog, Ashlee said:
"All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard."
Which is sweet, but kind of funny coming from someone who had a very obvious nose job.
Opposite day?: I thought Angie's dress looked frumpy. Is she just so super A+ list that she is immune to the fashion police? I might have to start adopting her air of being above it all so I can start wearing my clothes backwards in the name of comfort.
Liz Kelly: I think I'm gonna get super wild and start wearing my gowns backward and inside out. Watch out world.
Ew. Just stop: I loathe Elisabeth Hasselbeck. This bim has basically done nothing of note except marry a rich football player and be on a reality show. Yet she is a very well-paid person on television; for sure she makes more than I. Everything she says is stupid, and she yells the same way a spoiled little girl does who has been raised to think she deserves everyone's undivided attention. The fact that she is now contributing her genes a THIRD time is so annoying. I know. Tell everyone how I REALLY feel, but other than Kelly Ripa, I can't think of a TV personality I detest more.
Liz Kelly: I could probably think of a few, but it's your turn to talk. And Elisabeth is hardly the only overpaid dunce on TV.
I'm interested in finding out who everyone's nominees are for Most Detestable TV Personality, tho. Send them my way -- maybe we can make something out of this.
Cat in my face: Liz : You know the Puppy Bowl is cute and all but every year I lose money betting on that thing and I'm getting a little tired of this and that and would prefer a cat chat.
washingtonpost.com: We only chat about cats as harbingers of death: The Story of Oscar the Cat
Liz Kelly: And if the Puppy Bowl isn't your thing, you can put this on an infinite loop.
re: Angelina's backwards dress: Not that bad. Looks really comfy to hang around the house in on a Sunday. Or sleep in.
washingtonpost.com: Perhaps like the Snuggie?
Liz Kelly: Augh! The Snuggie! Noooooo.
Though I will say that Snuggies can be purchased locally at the "As Seen on TV" store at Ballston Commons in Arlington, which is a huge time suck.
Anonymous: Liz : You are on fire today ! If you were on "Top Chef", I'd say, " Pack your knives and go..." but first you'll have to pull them out of poor Jess and her sister.
Liz Kelly: Oh come on -- I was defending Jessica, kinda. Or, umm, thought I was -- and if Ashlee is going to stick her nose into this business, she shouldn't be surprised when it becomes a target.
Gov. Rod: Trying to decide what level of Dante's celebrity hell we should consign him to when the Illinois legislature finally boots him to the curb. Can't believe all the major media outlets that gave him air and face time and got nothing coherent from him.
Liz Kelly: Yeah, another reason not to watch "The View."
I'm thinking he'd be best filed in the level reserved for "Politicians Most Likely to Turn Up on Reality TV Within Two Years."
Angelina's choice in clothes: Lets face it - the woman's body and bone structure is smokin'. Even when she wears her clothes backwards, upsidedown, inside out, etc. they still look better then they would on the Average Jane. Angelina would look great in a backwards burlap gunny sack.
Liz Kelly: Agreed. She's got a bod.
Still don't like the dress.
Silver Spring, Md.: What is more of a story (and very amusing) than Jessica Simpson's weight gain is the fact that she was "performing" at a chili cook-off in Florida! How much farther from Hollywood can she fall?
Liz Kelly: Well, she performed in Charlottesville last night. The horror!
Most Detestable TV Personality: Can I vote for three? Because I can't decide between Elisabeth Hasselbeck, or Elisabeth Hasselbeck, or Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
Liz Kelly: Okay, three votes for Hasselbeck.
Cleveland Park, NW - Mickey Rourke Oscar sabotage: Liz - What self-sabotage will bring down Mickey Rourke's Oscar hopes:
-Dating his onscreen daughter Evan Rachel Wood?
-Booking then canceling an appearance to wrestle at WrestleMania? (Not exactly serious actor work...)
-His general MickeyRourkeness?
Liz Kelly: I'm going to go with general MickeyRourkedness since the two previous items can all be attributed to that particular disease. I'm willing to entertain other theories, but here's the thing:
Mickey Rourke is an odd duck. Always has been. According to reviews of his early work, he could've been the next Brando, Pacino, DeNiro, Dean, Newman, McQueen -- take your pick. The guy had a future. And watching his fresh, honest work in movies like "Diner" and "Rumblefish," it's easy to see why. He had something. Still has it.
But he also had a desire to do things his own way and his way wasn't always the way that furthered his career. He wanted to box, he wanted to party and -- unfortunately -- managed to get into some trouble domestically in the early '90s.
Now he's back -- for how long we don't know -- and again trying to do it on his own terms. I know he canceled the Wrestlemania thing, but how many other Oscar nominees would even consider showing up in that kind of venue?
Mama Hasselback: I once heard her expressing admiration for the Duggar family. Maybe she intends to follow in their footsteps. Her co-Viewer Joy Behar disagreed saying that having that many kids was irresponsible for many reasons, and proceeded to make a fairly intelligent point about population control and environmental issues. Poor Elizabeth looked mystified.
Liz Kelly: I just can't bring myself to watch "The View" anymore. Especially after Whoopi's reenactment of vegetable porn. There's just no safe place there anymore, ya know?
Angelina's dresses...: at the last two award shows have been kind of blousy. Is she hiding another pregnancy? Or does she want us to speculate that she's pregnant again? Will they ever go away??
Liz Kelly: I doubt it. I'm taking her at her word -- she's going for comfort.
Whiskers on kittens and old woolen mittens: Birdseed on a dish under a bush by a window, hot cocoa and your chat are a few of my favorite things on a wintery day.
Liz Kelly: Awww, thanks. Same here. Except ix-nay on the bird seed. We've had an infestation of rats in our neighborhood for the past couple of weeks.
Pittsburgh: Coca Cola has done a remake of the classic Mean Joe Greene commercial, this time with a little kid offering his Coke to the Steelers' current big defensive star, Troy Polamalu. Here we go Steelers, here we go (clap, clap)!
Liz Kelly: Any other ads to look forward to this year? I haven't been paying attention -- and that's really my favorite part of the whole Super Bowl experience.
Electionitis: As much as I hated Nixon, Reagan and Shrub, I never puked after any of their elections.
Liz Kelly: But then you're not Elisabeth Hasselbeck -- she's a sensitive soul. And repeated fake baking may just weaken one's stomach. I'm making that up, of course.
Movie advice?: I'm getting on a plane tomorrow for LA and need some suggestions for movie rentals from iTunes that are less pornographic than the last movie I watched on a plane, "Sex and the City." I read your blog, The Economist, and Us Weekly, to give you an idea of my tastes. Suggestions?
I already downloaded "Man on Wire."
Liz Kelly: Yes, "Man on Wire" is a good one -- and a nice match for plane travel. You can imagine what it must've felt like to teeter on a cable above Manhattan.
If available, you could also download multiple episodes of a TV show you missed out on -- "Arrested Development," "The Office," "Lost"...?
Maybe there are some other suggestions from the crowd?
Mickey Rourke's Domestic Violence: Yeah, I forgot about all that -- didn't he get into some serious trouble for battering Carre Otis? Did he ever do a public mea culpa?
Liz Kelly: I don't think he did -- but Otis did end up withdrawing the charges.
Whiskers on kittens and old woolen mittens...: That was such a nice image I had going reading that post, feeling all cozy and warm. Until I got to the part about rat infestation. Back to reality.
Liz Kelly: I'm just keeping it real, okay? North Arlington is a tough hood.
most detestable TV personalities: Off the top of my head, I can name several: Kathie Lee Gifford; that guy who shouts at me to buy Oxi-Clean; Nancy Grace, always shouting at her guests; Bill O'Reilly (He's the worst person in the world!); Barbara Walters.
Liz Kelly: Ooh, Kathie Lee is a good one -- I've been kind of mesmerized by the fourth hour of "Today" lately. Her face just doesn't move... and she still tries to come off as some kind of perky sex symbol. It's all very uncomfortable, yet addictive. Like picking a scab.
Most Detestable TV personalities: 1) Ms. Hasselbeck - ugh she is awful. 2) Dr. Phil 3) Ryan Seacrest 4) The Shamwow commercial guy 5) Howie Mandell 6) Rachel Ray
Liz Kelly: Wow, you can hardly turn on the TV, can you, you poor thing.
Detestable TV Personality: Bill O'Reilly. The man is the antichrist. The only moment of redemption he's had was the appearance on "The Colbert Report." That was actually pretty funny.
And my colleague just got a "Snuggie/Slanket" and she LOVES it. Of course, it's almost all she's talked about for the past three months.
Liz Kelly: Another vote for O'Reilly.
Advice, please:: So, what happens when your favorite crush celebrity actually hooks up with someone decent, rather than people you already hated before s/he dated them? Do you root for the relationship because you want them to be happy with decent people, or stew and grumble because the other person got there before you did, or root for any romance they have to end?
Uh, just wondering.
Liz Kelly: Hmm, not that I've ever had to deal with these sorts of feelings, but my inclination would be to be happy for your crush on an intellectual level -- after all, he or she is a human being with as much right to a satisfying relationship as the rest of us.
And since celebrity crushes are already big time fantasies anyway, it's probably relatively easy to erase that new significant other right out of the picture.
Michael Lohan: I fear he's only going to get worse. He just hired the same PR guy/hack who was responsible for leaking Kim Kardashian's sex tape and Adrienne Bailon ("Cheetah Girls") "naked" pics both because that's the only way he could figure out to get them publicity. His only other client? Kim from the "Housewives of Atlanta."
Definitely not a good influence there.
Liz Kelly: Please please please no Michael Lohan sex tape.
Angie's bod: Smokin hot body? Not since her pre-Brangelina days. It looks to me like she's getting scary skinny again
Liz Kelly: Really? I think this is more scary skinny than Angie.
Seriously, putting aside her father's self-serving concerns, things are not looking good for Lilo.
MDTVP: Meredith Viera. I just don't like that lady AT ALL.
Sherry Shepard is pretty bad too, to go for another view lady.
Liz Kelly: Yes, though Sherri is actually quite good when she cameos as Tracy Morgan's wife on "30 Rock."
Good Lord - Bai Ling's blog is nuts...: Have you seen this thing of crazy-insane freeform poetry and celebrity candids? It is the blog equivilent of her singing.
(The Monday 1/19 entry entitled "Mickey is a gentleman" is the tip of the iceberg...)
Liz Kelly: Oooh, I haven't had much time to check this out, but I will. This and a couple of glasses of wine look like a good Thursday evening.
New England: Angela's backwards dress was a little odd. But let's not let Brad off the hook. What is up with the Clark Gable mustache? He looks ridiculous.
Liz Kelly: He grew the stache for his role in Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Basterds." I'm not sure if he's still filming or just decided to keep the facial hair for a while.
And, really, Brad Pitt on a 'stache is to Angelina Jolie in a burlap sack.
The envelope please...: Some real Oscar nail-biters this year doncha think ?
Liz Kelly: I'm mainly interested in seeing Mickey Rourke win. Could make for a pretty interesting acceptance speech.
But I'm kind of put off by the 13 "Benjamin Button" nominations. It was just not that good.
Original Hasselbeck poster here: Wait. No one else has voted for Kelly Ripa? Seriously? The Pekinese face? The perfect kitchen appliance life? Her marriage talk and how they're still all hot for eachother? Her nose reminds me of when my roommate and I taped ours to our foreheads during finals.
Liz Kelly: There's still time... but at least Kelly has a little bit of spark to her personality. She can be a little funny. Or maybe I'm just remembering the Kathie Lee days and her endless reliance on Gelman jokes. Ick.
Guacamole is my favorite part of the Super Bowl Experience: Oh, hey Liz. Is Guiliana Rancic married to the guy who won the apprentice? What were her qualifications to be on the red carpet interviewing A-listers?
Liz Kelly: I'm reliably informed that she is indeed married to "Apprentice" winner Bill Rancic.
Qualifications to be on the red carpet? Dude, they let Lisa Rinna do it, too -- I don't think there's an exam or anything.
Scientologistia: Don't pick on the Shamwow guy--he's an ex (or is that fugitive?) Scientologist.
Could splain a few things tho.
Liz Kelly: Indeed.
Kathie Lee Gifford: Oh, let's leave her off the list. Don't we all just feel sorry for her now? She's pathetic, but the most detestable?
Liz Kelly: Can't one be both pathetic and detestable?
hey now!: Back off my Ryan Seacrest. I can't for life of me figure out why, but I love that little pocket-sized bundle of energy. I am also convinced that no one else could do his job on "Idol." And I love Simon too. I need therapy maybe? But him (Ryan) driving around in the golf cart on Monday? So cute.
washingtonpost.com: And he was funny in "Knocked Up."
Liz Kelly: Paul has spoken. We will ease up on Ryan.
Scary LiLo: Not only is the weight loss scary in that pic but what the heck is she wearing? The brown saggy butt thing looks like an old lady who lost her skirt and has a mess in her drawers.
Liz Kelly: I know. I'm glad someone said that because I honestly didn't know how to describe it. She resembles what I'd imagine Olive Oyl to look like without the long skirt.
The Wrong Hasslebeck: I loathe Elisabeth Hasslebeck with the fire of a thousand suns, but I had to make one correction on a chatter earlier in here:
Elisabeth Hasslebeck is not married to a "Rich Football Player." She Married TIM Hasslebeck - the unsuccessful Hasslebeck Brother (he even was 3rd string here in D.C. for a stint). The "Rich Football Player" is MATT Hasslebeck.
Elisabeth is most certainly the primary breadwinner in her family.
washingtonpost.com: Tim played for six seasons, and the minimum NFL salary starts at $285,000 and goes up $75,000 for each year in the league. Just sayin'.
Liz Kelly: Okay...
he's an ex (or is that fugitive?) Scientologist: Really? I thought once in, you weren't allowed to leave.
Liz Kelly: Oh, it happens. But that's a whole other chat.
No one else has voted for Kelly Ripa? : Sometimes you hate someone for so long, it's like they're an old friend.
Liz Kelly: So true. This almost describes my feelings toward Diane Keaton, but I would say it more like this:
"Sometimes you hate someone for so long, it's like they're that relative you have to see to continue to mythologize their annoying-ness."
Another Detestable TV personality: Tyra Banks! I enjoy America's Next Top Model as much as the next person, but her skills as a talk show host are a little subpar. She spins every episode into something about her and it just gets old after a while.
Liz Kelly: Good one -- Tyra has gotten a little out of control.
Scary, but maybe not detestable: Jim Cramer, the mad money guy. Fills me with fear and trepidation--so obnoxious and what if he's right?
washingtonpost.com: He's not: The Worth of Jim Cramer's Advice
Liz Kelly: Take that, sucker!
Alexandria, Va.: Hi Liz!
I'm firmly in your Brangelina camp, but I had to this along to you! Susan Elizabeth Phillips, a fairly well-know romance author, appears to have based her latest book "What I Did For Love" on Jennifer Aniston and the fall-out from Brad and Angelina. Here's the synopsis from Amazon (I saw a copy at Costco yesterday)
"How did this happen? Georgie York, once the costar of America's favorite television sitcom, has been publicly abandoned by her famous husband, her film career has tanked, her father is driving her crazy, and her public image as a spunky heroine is taking a serious beating.
What should a down-on-her-luck actress do? Not go to Vegas . . . not run into her detestable former costar, dreamboat-from-hell Bramwell Shepard . . . and not get caught up in an ugly incident that leads to a calamitous elopement. Before she knows it, Georgie has a fake marriage, a fake husband, and maybe (or not) a fake sex life.
It's a paparazzi free-for-all, and Georgie's nonsupporting cast doesn't help. There's Bram's punk-nightmare housekeeper, Georgie's own pushy parent, a suck-up agent, an icy studio head with a private agenda, and her ex-husband's new wife, who can't get enough of doing good deeds and saving the world-the bitch. As for Georgie's leading man, Bram's giving the performance of his life, but he's never cared about anyone except himself, and it's not exactly clear why.
Two enemies find themselves working without a script in a town where the spotlight shines bright . . . and where the strongest emotions can wear startling disguises."
I've read the authors other books and they are generally fun reads with quirky characters, but not sure I will be reading this one. And I wonder if it will effect sales one way or the other. But maybe it should be considered for a separate Celebritology Book Club?
Liz Kelly: Too funny.
Gotta love those names, though -- "Bramwell Shepard."
Who says America doesn't read anymore?
Oscars: Pleeeeze don't let Kate Winslet win. That phoney baloney speech at the Golden Globes was ridiculous. It went on and on.
Liz Kelly: Oh come on, give these people a break -- they're not always so good without a script to memorize.
Oscar host: Hugh Jackman--really? Why oh why couldn't we have another year of Jon Stewart?
Liz Kelly: Good question. I honestly don't know what to expect with Hugh Jackman. The way he bounded on stage at one of the ComicCon panels over the summer reminded me of a motivational speaker on steroids. I'm a little scared.
Chantilly, Va.: Every time I see the Sham Wow commercial, I notice how it soaks up all that liquid. But then they say you can clean it by throwing it into the washing machine. But won't it soak up all the water in the machine? Or am I missing something? (And I absolutely LOATHE Billy Mays; won't buy anything he shills, especially not since I tried OxyClean and ... it didn't.)
Liz Kelly: HAHAHAHA. Okay, this just made me laugh out loud.
If only they'd had a plane load of Shamwows to drop on New Orleans a few years back.
Most Detestable: You can add my vote for Elisabeth Hasselbeck. She makes me miss the train wreck that was Star Jones, and thats saying something!
Liz Kelly: Another vote for Hasselbeck. She may be a lead pipe cinch to win this title.
Okay, I'm cutting out a few minutes early to head over to the "Lost" chat.
See you in the blog tomorrow and back here next week.
washingtonpost.com: washingtonpost.com: Please join Liz and Jen for the Lost hour.
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