Ask Tom

Tom Talks Shop

In a city loaded with diverse restaurants, from New American chic and upscale Italian to sandwich shops and burritos on the run, finding the best places to eat can be a real puzzle. Where's the best restaurant for a first date or an anniversary? Father's Day? What's the best burger joint? Who has the best service?

Ask Tom. Tom Sietsema, The Washington Post's food critic, is on hand Wednesdays at 11 a.m. ET to answer your questions, listen to your suggestions and even entertain your complaints about Washington dining. Sietsema, a veteran food writer, has sampled the wares and worked as a critic in Washington, Seattle, San Francisco and Milwaukee, and can talk restaurants with the best of 'em. You can access his Postcards from Tom to read his recommendations for other cities, read his dining column, First Bite and the Dish or read transcripts of previous "Ask Tom" chats. Tom's Sunday magazine reviews, as well as his "Ask Tom" column, are available early on the Web.

For more restaurant chatter, join Sietsema's Table, Tom's new discussion group about dining experiences.

The transcript follows.

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Tom Sietsema: LENDING A HAND: If you're planning to eat away from home just once this week, make it Thursday and choose one of the 150 or so restaurants participating in a noble cause: offering nourishing meals to people afflicted with AIDS/HIV, cancer and other illnesses.

The establishments involved in this year's Dining Out For Life event are donating from 25-100 percent of their proceeds to the admirable Food & Friends charity.

Here's yet another example of how the industry sets the bar for hospitality and giving.

The complete list of participants can be found at www.foodandfriends.org/dol

Good morning, everyone. Thanks for showing up.

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Alexandria, Va.: Mr. Sietsema -

I've recently ordered seafood in two different restaurants (both with good reputations) that did not list the dominant flavor/ingredient of the dish in the menu description. In both cases, the ingredient was fresh red pepper (not my favorite taste, and I hate it with seafood, as it totally overwhelms delicate flavors.) I know chefs can't list every ingredient -- but in the case of an ingredient that totally overwhelms every other flavor -- it would be nice to read it in the menu.

Tom Sietsema: We've been down this road before, and I'm sure this won't be the last time.

Memo to chefs: When you're writing your menus, *please* don't forget to highlight the main flavors and anything that might come as a surprise to diners. Some of the more obvious ingredients to flag are cilantro, nuts, pork products and (can I include a personal dislike?) licorice.

Memo to chefs, Part 2: I sympathize with you, I really do. No one expects you to be mind readers, after all.

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Washington, D.C.: Hello Tom, I would like to give an industry perspective to your discussion. I don't get the rationale behind guests that don't tip on wine. Now and then, there is someone who only tip on the food. Why? Wine service is part of service. Staff will present the bottle, open the bottle, in lots of establishments, make sure the wine is not corked, provide the right glassware, make sure that the glass is never empty and, after the guest is done with the wine, will wash and polish that glass. So how are all those steps in a different category than serving food? (Good) servers want to provide good service and the way to be recognized is by being tipped accordingly. Just something for patrons to think about. Thanks.

Tom Sietsema: I agree: diners should tip on food AND drink, including wine. The reasons you give support that. I'd add that education -- the wine steward's knowledge -- is another reason for rewarding him or her with a proper gratuity.

At a certain price range, though, it gets interesting. Not even the sommeliers I've interviewed can agree on how much to tip on bottles above, say, $100, especially when multiple bottles might be consumed at the meal. (Not that that's a problem too many of us encounter, bit still!)

I'd love to hear from the wine mavens in today's crowd. Do you tip a straight 15 to 20 percent on every bottle, regardless of cost? I do, but I'm generally not ordering more than two bottles a dinner, or drinking super-fine wines.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Hi, Tom. I love meat, but one of my favorite things in a nice restaurant is the chance to order a great vegetable plate. What makes it great? At least three, and better, four different vegetable dishes on the plate... not counting the starchy thing which I don't care about so much. Different colors, and a variety of preps that complement each other. I am so thrilled when I can get this! It's fun to eat and makes me feel fantastic. Unfortunately it is pretty rare to find it. Do you have any recommendations?

Tom Sietsema: A great vegetable plate. Now THAT would grab my attention, too. All too often, however, what I see are clumps of this and wedges of that -- a hodge-podge of side dish masquerading as a well-though-out dish.

Prove me wrong, readers!

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say it ain't so!: This chat isn't going away is it?

Tom Sietsema: No way. It will continue to be you, me, Wednesday, 11 a.m. and lots of gripes, raves and rants.

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Tom. I understand that it takes restaurants often several months to get settled in, but I cannot help being incredibly annoyed by the way that I was treated on Saturday night at Ben's Next Door. My friend and I got to Next Door at 8:45 p.m. and were told that it would be a 40 minute wait for a table. We sat at the bar and ordered drinks -- not food -- based on the time estimate. After waiting patiently for one hour, we inquired about our status on the list and were told that it would be another 20 minutes and, because the kitchen was behind, there was no guarantee that we would be able to eat for at least an additional 30 minutes. When I raised my eyebrows, they were met with a shrug by the person who appeared to be the floor manager. There was no offer of expedited food if we continued to sit at the bar. Just the shrug.

Again, I understand that the original 40 minutes was an estimate, but seriously, we would have ordered food at the bar. We would have gone somewhere else. How is it that a restaurant owned by people who clearly know the neighborhood could not have better predicted the flow of the kitchen on a Saturday night?

I'll go elsewhere next time. There are plenty of other options on U Street.

Tom Sietsema: Based on my early visits, I think it's going to take awhile for Ben's neighbor to work out its multiple kinks. Thanks for the field report.

Someone in a position to do so shuold have come to your rescue, with an apology, some food or even an honest time for waiting.

washingtonpost.com: First Bite: Ben's Next Door

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$100 bottle of wine: In this economy...only at Obamas' house. For the real folk, now it's more like "how much do you tip on a Box O' Wine". LOL

Tom Sietsema: I'm betting not even the President -- ESPECIALLY the president! -- is sipping wines that go into the triple digits these days.

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Grossed out in Virginia: Hi Tom...Longtime lurker, infrequent chatter. Wanted to get your thoughts on the following. Went out to one of DC's top high-end restaurants with the requisite bold name chef. The kitchen was an open kitchen and we enjoyed watching the show....until we noticed the bold-named chef, who was working that night, tasting several of the sauces and sides on the burners with the SAME spoon...going from pot to pot. To make matters worse, as he was plating dishes, we watched him stir one of the sauces, taste it, dip the same spoon back in the sauce and use it to plate the dish. Needless to say it was a bit unsettling. Should we have said something? Do you think this is common practice in most restaurants? My guess is that if you have an open kitchen, you should be extra sensitive to the fact that customers will be watching...

Tom Sietsema: I'm not the least bit squeamish, but double and triple dipping with the same spoon is a definite no-no in my book.

I'm just curious: Did you mention what you saw to your waiter or a manager?

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Old Town: Every day I pass by this new restaurant Brabo in Old Town. They have what looks like an upscale restaurant then next to it a smaller, informal "tasting room". Have you heard anything on this restaurant? Has anyone out there tried it yet? Thanks!

Tom Sietsema: Impeccable timing. I wrote about Brabo just today!

washingtonpost.com: Wiedmaier Soldiers On in Old Town

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Alexandria, Va.: Just a comment...the Va. restaurant smoking ban cannot come soon enough. There is nothing more disgusting and nothing ruins a meals more than smelling cigarette smoke.

Tom Sietsema: The recently reviewed Jackson's Mighty Fine Food in Reston beckons to both smokers and non-smokers with separate bars. The smokers get a view of the outside, the others take in a view of the vast dining room.

washingtonpost.com: This Week's Review: Jackson's Mighty Fine Food and Lucky Lounge

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Tom,

I had an upsetting and puzzling experience at Open City that I haven't been able to shake.

We were there for dinner with some out of town relatives, including a young adult with a developmental disability. After a long day of sightseeing he was approaching meltdown and he needed to eat in order to take his medication.

After placing our drink orders with our server, we waited for about 10 minutes. A different server brought my beer to the table first and I let him know that we were ready to place our order. He offered to take our order and I took him up on it.

Our server returned and, in a condescending tone of voice, said "I understand that you placed your order with another server and, you know, that sort of thing makes me look really bad, so next time you come into this restaurant make sure you only order from the person who is assigned to your section, okay?" He concluded with a snarky exaggerated "thumbs up."

After the meal, I went up to him along to explain our situation and reiterate that I was just doing what was best for my family. He continued to argue that what I did "wasn't right," I should have never ordered from another server, etc. As a customer in a restaurant, I have never experienced this sort of hostility.

I was angry and humiliated, in front of my family. As a frequent Open City diner I know that's not the norm, but it is going to make it hard for me to go back.

I promptly wrote a letter but haven't heard back yet, so I wanted to take my frustration to the 'net!

Tom Sietsema: You did nothing wrong (a second server volunteered to take your order, right?) Your original waiter, on the other hand, did EVERYTHING wrong. Shame on him. I'd pin down a manager and share your story. Way too many letters to restaurants seem to go AWOL these days, if my mail on the subject is any indication.

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Sunday Breakfast: Hi Tom,

Can you think of a good place for Sunday breakfast? (I say breakfast because we'd like to eat at 10.) We're looking for a kid-friendly place. Actually, it's an infant that will likely stay in her car seat. (But in the interest of full-disclosure, she has discovered she can make a high pitched squeal that she revels in.) We're thinking Busboys and Poets...thoughts? Thanks!

Tom Sietsema: Or the airy Leopold's in Georgetown. Or the popular Old Ebbitt Grill near the Treasury. Or the funky Domku in Petworth.

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Tipping on Wine: It never even occurred to me not to tip for wine service. When I receive a bill, I tip between 15-20 percent on the bill total, including any drinks. Partaking in alcohol is part of the dining-out experience, and I'm as grateful for the knowledge of the sommeliers and bartenders as I am for the chef's innovation and skill.

Tom Sietsema: I imagine servers, bar tenders and sommeliers all over town nodding right now.

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spit spoons: As George Orwell said in his fantastic restaurant expose, Down and Out in Paris and London, the more expensive the restaurant the more spit you'll be eating (I'm paraphrasing) because the cooks in the cheap restaurants don't care enough to test and taste. Yes, I think things like this happen all the time. But there is a widely accepted etiquette to behave as though they don't. Just remember all the times you've eaten at fancy restaurants and not gotten sick even though you probably ate someone's spit, and then don't think about it any more.

Tom Sietsema: Stop already! I'm mid-munch into my lunch!

I'd love to hear from Eric, Cathal, Robert, Vikram, Carole, Frank, Jamie and any other chef out there. Do you double dip? What's your process for checking on reductions, dressings and other dishes?

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Alexandria, VA: Regarding the fresh red peppers - I feel that way about all bell peppers. I always ask if the dish includeds bell peppers if it appears that it might. I've asked if they can leave them out in certain instances, and if they can't, I order something else. Nothing is less fun than picking out bell peppers from a dish, especially when you can tell the chef just sprinkled them on as a garnish for color.

Tom Sietsema: A pro-active diner!

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Alexandria, VA: Tipping on wine/drink - I think it depends on whether you view a "tip" as a reward that is relational to the amount and quality of work being performed, or if you view it as a commission. It doesn't take any more effort to pour a $200 bottle of wine than it does a $30 bottle, so I'm only inclined to tip strictly as a total percentage of the bill up to a certain point; otherwise the staff is being rewarded for getting you to buy the most expensive thing they can while the amount of work is all the same either way - like a car salesman.

Tom Sietsema: Okay. Understood. So what's the "certain point" at which the 20 percent tip becomes something less?

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Veg plate: as a vegetarian, BOY do I agree. The best one I have had recently was at Layla on King Street in OT Alexandria (Lebanese). I have not had one recently at an "American" restaurant.

Tom Sietsema: Share details. What did the plate consist of?

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re: "I understand that you placed your order with another server and, you know, that sort of thing makes me look really bad,: It makes the waiter look bad cuz he wasn't DOING HIS JOB! I'd be spitting nails as I demanded to see the manager. Being snarked by a lazy waiter is NO WAY to spend hard earned money. If he had a problem with how things went down he should have one: done his job, or at least, two: taken it up with the territoy-grabbing coworker, NOT the hungry customer. That waiter needs to go back to Applebees and work on his "flair."

Tom Sietsema: The claws are coming out now ...

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Yonkers, N.Y.: Sorry Tom...the markup on wine is obscene enough. Fifteen-twenty percent for taking it off a shelf and opening it? No chance. IF a wine steward helped me, maybe. But a waiter who hands me the list/book and just processes the order? Don't see the effort/work involved, particularly when a $10 bottle costs $40 in the restaurant.

Tom Sietsema: The last waiter to pour me wine knew what he was doing; had a little story to share about my selection; decanted the bottle (which was served at a pleasing cool temperature); and checked back now and then to refill our glasses and inquire about how we were enjoying the wine. This was at a mid-tier restaurant, by the way, not a super-starry place.

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Potomac, Md.: Now wait a minute, that family with the "developmentally delayed" person deserved EVERY bit of snark that came their way. What was that family doing bringing that type of person to Open City in the first place? If he's so desperate for food to take his medication, send him to McDonald's or 7-Eleven. So now the original server gets to look bad because YOU didn't schedule your time very well? Not to mention all the other diners who have to look at you during dinner. Selfish, very selfish.

Tom Sietsema: Hold on. Ten minutes had passed since this party had seen their server. When another waiter delivered drinks, and offered to take their orders, you can't very well expect to blame the family, can you?

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Tipping: It takes the same effort to pour a $30 bottle of wine as a $200 bottle could also be applied to food though. A plate of food is a plate of food whether it was $11 or $40.

Tom Sietsema: Not always! I'm thinking of the lobster pot pie at Bourbon Steak (in Georgetown) that comes to the table on a cart and requires assembling by the server, and the salt-crusted fish at Assaggi (in Bethesda) that requires similar unveiling.

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diner with the developmentally disabled guest:Agreed, original server was out of line.

However, did the poster tell original server as they sat down that they'd need some food right away? I've done that with an elderly parent on medication. A quick "one of my guests needs to take some pills with food; would you mind bringing out the breadbasket/small appetizer/whatever will work right away? Then we'll be ready to order dinner."

Never had it backfire.

Tom Sietsema: Good point.

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more menu rants: Is it too much to ask that a kids' menu include at least two items that do not involve a fryer? Some kids do eat vegetables and proteins not in stick form.

Tom Sietsema: I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING at (fill in the blank) last week. Everything on the children's menu was blonde or fried or both. What does that teach kids?

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Tipping on tax...: All this talk about tax reminded me of a frustrating experience I had recently.

A group of 10 of us were dining at drinking at a restaurant in town. The menu had a disclaimer about an 18 percent gratuity being included for parties of 6 or more. I have no problem with that and completely understand the reasoning (I'd normally do 20 percent, but whatever...). Anyway, when the bill came I noticed that the restaurant had charged 18 percent AFTER tax. I brought this to the attention of the waiter and said that charging automatic tip on tax is inappropriate. I was rebuffed and told that this is the way it is done and one should tip on tax. I said that is blatantly untrue and demanded to see a manager. The manager acquiesced, not terribly willingly, so I wasn't terribly upset, but still a bit befuddled and annoyed. I'm sorry, but tax does not go on tip.

Tom Sietsema: More well-trod ground. For the record, I tend to tip on the pre-tax total. (Chat host now begins to put on battle gear.)

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Arlington: The Majestic has a fabulous vegetable plate!

Tom Sietsema: Details, we want DETAILS!

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re spit spoons: I do not cook in a restaurant but when I cook at home I still use a different spoon or rinse my original spoon before dipping it into my food a second time or into another pan. That chef just doesn't care. All chefs have to attend food safety programs and they should know that type of behavior is wrong dead wrong.

Tom Sietsema: Uh huh.

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Washington, D.C.: Your Pulitzer-prize-winning colleague Gene Weingarten used knee-replacement surgery as an excuse not to chat with us this week. Can you please make up for his absence with a poop joke, something offensive to women or overweight people, or an example of why your taste and opinions are superior to ours? Thanks!

Tom Sietsema: I'm not going to touch that one with a 10-foot hypodermic needle!

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Washington, D.C.: My book club has just finished reading 'On Beauty' by Zadie Smith and is looking for a Caribbean or "New England" or British locale to have our meeting. Any suggestions in the D.C. area? Big bonus points for the place either being relatively inexpensive or having a longish happy hour.

Thanks Tom!!!

Tom Sietsema: The joint that leaps to mind is CommonWealth in Columbia Heights. The food is British (and mostly delicious) and the weeknight happy hour runs from 4-7 p.m.

washingtonpost.com: 2008 Review: CommonWealth Gastropub

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Silver Spring, Md.: Saturday night I had a 5 p.m. table at Brasserie Beck. I brought my usually very sedate 3 month old with me, and she decided that on this particular night she just did not want to stay quiet. I had made the reservation at 5 p.m. just in case this happened, but as we got drinks, then apps, then salad, then entrees, the meal did last til about 7:30. In an effort not to expose my fellow diners to her squeals, I walked her around the restaurant. She loved the open kitchen and the bar. Everyone was so wonderful about it. The executive chef, servers and hostesses all complimented her cuteness. I was made to feel good about what some might consider an uncomfortable situation. I know some disagree with taking a baby to this type of establishment, but I hope that the consensus is that with appropriate parent behavior and such a supportive staff it can work. Brasserie Beck will definitely get us as a family again.

Tom Sietsema: Good for you for dining early, and doing what you could to calm the baby. And good for Beck's staff for making you feel at home. Personally, I love seeing familes eat out. (Well-behaved families, that is!)

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Washington, D.C.: God, I hope Potomac was being sarcastic and you didn't pick up on it. You're not supposed to bring a "person like that" to Open City? Are you freaking kidding me?

Tom Sietsema: I think the sarcasm escaped me, and many others. (Ah, the dangers of live web chats!)

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Washington, D.C.: Hi Tom,

Seated in close quarters at a hopping hot spot this weekend - and the table next to us was having an unfortunate service experience.

It was hard not to notice, as we were so darn close to them. Small restaurant, very crowded, using every available inch of space.

Perhaps understandably, the table receiving bad service complained bitterly throughout the entire meal. It really made us feel uncomfortable, and the quality of our experience was affected as we could find no way to shut out their endless complaining. Is there any polite way to inform someone that the complaining was really bothersome? The place was packed -- moving tables was not an option.

To be honest, the complainers did seem to be having one of those weird experiences where everything goes wrong, but ruining the evening for those around you just seems unfair.

Tom Sietsema: Let this be a message to diners in crowded restaurants: Your neighbors CAN hear you, so try to keep the griping to a minimum. (I don't have the specifics about what made the meal so miserable, but the aggrieved party should have called over a manager to correct the service snafus.)

Let this also be a message to restaurants: We know you're a business, we know you need to make money, but please keep in mind that being foreced to eat on top of other diners isn't much fun for anyone. Sometimes, the difference between a memorable night out and a disappointing one is a matter of one or two fewer tables.

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Anniversary for 60 somethings: Tom,

After many years in the wilderness, we finally found love in 2003. We will be celebrating our 6th anniversary very soon. Could you recommend a quiet, romantic restaurant in Arlington? Would upstairs at the Liberty Tavern work?

Thanks very much.

Tom Sietsema: Upstairs at the innovative new Eventide, on the same block, might be even better. The three owners created the contemporary restaurant with their pet peeves in mind, two of which were harsh lighting and noise pollution.

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Do you double dip? : Do you honestly think the chefs will 'fess up to this in a public chat?!

Tom Sietsema: No, but a guy has to ask, right?

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spit spoons: That is part of the reason my husband doesn't like to eat out often. He'd rather have my cooking at home where he knows I don't drop food on the floor and put it back on the plate. If it was up to me, we'd eat out more.

Tom Sietsema: In defense of chefs and restaurants, there are also a lot of clean operations out there. Let's not get TOO Bourdain-like here.

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Richmond, Va.: appropriate behavior with a noisy baby is REMOVING the noise from public, not walking her around the restaurant so EVERY diner got equal access to her crying. Making a bad effort is just as bad as making no effort. I would be very angry if I spend my hard earned money on a nice night out and it was ruined by a crying baby and a selfish parent.

Tom Sietsema: But it sounded to me as if the infant was distracted, and got quiet, pretty quickly.

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Caribbean food for Zadie Smith: The Islander is great food and wonderful atmospere ... and obviously very Zadie Smith appropriate. I love that ginger beer - very, uh, gingery.

Tom Sietsema: I like the cooking there, too, but the service is .... let's just say, everyone I've encountered there seems to operate on "island time."

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Downtown D.C.: Good morning! Not to start another thread, but I do have to agree with the resolutions - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stick to dining on the live chats!! On that note, there is a sign in the old Woodies Building turned upscale apartments that a new restaurant -- Italian Trattoria and Bakery -- will be opening in a few weeks. Any info?

Tom Sietsema: Are we talking the corner of 15th & H? That would be Potenza, from the owners of Zola in Penn Quarter.

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Clarendon, Va.: The Boulevard Woodgrill in Clarendon has a delicous vegetarian dish. It's called "Vegetarian Gateaux" and is sauteed artichoke, arugula and roasted red pepper cakes served over pomodoro sauce and finished with grilled asparagus. I get it every time I go there!

Tom Sietsema: Thanks for sharing.

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Washington, D.C.: This is a bizarre question, but is there any monastery or cloister in the area that serves food to lay people? Christian, Buddhist, whatever. I don't mean a charity soup kitchen, but somewhere where you go and pay for your meal like a regular restaurant. It would be fun to go eat with the brothers or sisters (probably affordable, too). Big bonus points if the food is delicious.

Tom Sietsema: Interesting question. Chatters?

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That arrogant waiter: So, do you think that the family who got the lecture from the waiter should have left a tip for said arrogant waiter? Personally, I think that I would have demanded that he not wait on my table, as he appears to have gotten the customer-server relationship backwards.

Tom Sietsema: I would have sought out Waiter Number 2 and handed him my tip.

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Dupont Circle: Hi Tom - I'm wondering if your encyclopedic knowledge of the DC dining scene can offer some suggestions for a lady in need. I am a vegetarian, and my husband is an omnivore. Often, when we go out, my husband will end the night by raving about the duck confit, or the foie gras, or some other meat dish that was to die for. I, on the other hand, am left with a kind of "meh" feeling. Ok, yes, it was nice not to have to cook our on food and then clean our own kitchen, but is it really worth $200 for dinner when 1/2 of the party is so underwhelmed? I understand that chefs focus on meat, but must it be to the detriment of their vegetarian options?

Tom Sietsema: Dinner at Rasika or the Bombay Club is likely to change your mind. So would a meal at Jaleo, the excellent Spanish restaurant with three locations around the area. Trust me on this.

washingtonpost.com: Jazzing Up a Classic After 20 years, the Bombay Club gets a delicious update

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only at Obamas' house: Oh come on, his salary is less than most of the attorneys' who read this chat

Tom Sietsema: Right, and the prez has to set a good example for the rest of us, right?

On that note, folks, I bid you adieu for today. Thanks for the lively chat. See you next Wednesday.

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