Washington Sketch: Dana Milbank on Brad Pitt, Prime Minister Brown and Joe the Plumber

Post columnist Dana Milbank serves as the capital's foremost critic of political theater in his Washington Sketch columns, videos and blog posts. He was online Friday, March 6 at 12 noon ET to take your questions and comments about the things politicians say -- and the absurd ways they find to say them.

A transcript follows.

Subscribe to this discussion

____________________

Dana Milbank:

Good afternoon, dear reader.

I hope you have had a chance to check out today's fine work by Costa Rica's favorite daughter, Gaby Bruna, who, for today's Sketch video, did a masterful job superimposing Nancy Pelosi's head next to Brad Pitt in the Mexican, Oceans 11, Meet Joe Black, Benjamin Button, and Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Anticipating today's most important question: I did not actually meet Brad Pitt yesterday. But I stood about 10 feet away from him. And I spoke to somebody who touched him. So I feel as if I have met him. And, believe me, he is waaaaay cute. Almost as cute as Post political editor Tim Curran. And while Brad has been taken by Angelina (and Nancy), Tim is still available. The email, ladies: currant@washpost.com.

Now that I am a duly certified Hollywood correspondent, I look forward to taking your usual questions, plus any you were planning to send to the Us magazine online chat.

_______________________

N.Y., N.Y.: You should think about temporarily changing your last name to Milbeck until the current banking crisis passes. I don't want to see you swept up in a socialist nationalization craze and become the property of the Feds.

Dana Milbank: How interesting you should mention this, New York.

I was on my way to this web chat (I'm doing it from the M.E. Swing Coffee shop across 17th Street from the OEOB) when I bumped into Jay Carney, formerly of Time Magazine but now with Vice President Biden. Jay looked me up and down in a funny way, which I originally attributed to my attire (blue jeans) but which I now realize was more purposeful: He is planning to nationalize me.

I am tempted to recall the line attributed to Churchill when he tried to avoid a Labour colleague at the urinal, saying something to the effect of, "anytime you see something this big you try to nationalize it.'

But this is a family web chat, so I will not recall that particular bit of history. Instead I can report that I have just returned from my bank, Citibank, and that my account, like Citibank's, is almost empty.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: Wow, I did not know that Tim Curran is a professional surfer when not editing politics stories for the Washington Post. Hot indeed! -- Elizabeth

Dana Milbank:

Tim is so hot that his apartment spontaneously combusted a few weeks ago.

_______________________

Saint Paul, Minn.: As always, a great sketch. I must admit, I am perplexed by these Hollywood types with their thin grasp of serious issues and unquenchable thirst for the trappings of celebrity. Senator Jon Kyl has a security detail to escort him to the elevator???

Dana Milbank: Thanks, St Paul. You have identified the most shocking bit of news in that story: Jon Kyl has bodyguards. Could've knocked me over with a feather. The real question is not whether somebody would want to hurt Kyl but whether there is any would-be assailant who could pick him out of a lineup.

But I ran it past the Post's Paul Kane, and he confirmed it: Security details for the top 2 Democratic and Republican senators, and the top three in the House. This may explain why Tom Daschle has had so much trouble returning to civilian life and finding that it does not come with a Capitol Police driver.

_______________________

Rockville: Critics read, too.

I got to admit that I have been critical in the past, but you were exactly right on the Truth Commission. I guess we cannot disagree on everything.

Dana Milbank: Who would've thunk it? But before we celebrate our common ground, Rockville, I should say that, as a journalist in need of material, I'd be delighted to have a Truth Commission. But the president pretty much put Leahy out of business.

Now, if that angry guy in Chicago writes in with something nice to say, I may have to call this web chat off. . .

_______________________

I only read the articles: That guy J. Freedom du Lac is pretty hot too and Perry Bacon -- all I can say is who doesn't like Bacon ? I think I smell WaPo hotties calendar in the works. What month will you be ?

Dana Milbank:

Yes, but few can hold a candle to Curran, ladies.

As for my page: whichever month would require the most clothing to be worn. January. No, February -- it's cold, and it's over sooner.

_______________________

Carlisle, Pa.: Read your piece about Pitt on Capitol Hill. Where do I go to throw up?

Dana Milbank: Please, anywhere but the M.E. Swing Coffee house on G Street.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Dana -- I have always appreciated your perspective and sense of humor. Why and who is pushing this Brad Pitt story? Given the newspaper industry's current state of affairs -- is The Washington Post trying to compete with TMZ? What is your take on this? Thanks.

Dana Milbank:

Well, I did have one of those "for-this-I-went-to-college?" moments yesterday when I was squeezed up against the guy from "Extra" TV waiting for Brad and Nancy. But really, I think the Post is just following our readership base, and we in Washington (Hollywood for ugly people, you'll recall) go gaga for even B-list celebrities.

My colleague Amy Argetsinger had a nice nugget about Angelina Jolie running up Pennsylvania Avenue yesterday, which she speculated was part of a chase scene for her new movie, Salt. But I think she had heard how friendly Brad and Nancy were getting and she was running up to the Capitol to show who's boss.

_______________________

Gushing over Pitt on Capitol Hill: It could have been worse. Imagine Ann Coulter gushing over Rush Limbaugh.

Dana Milbank: In that case you should not watch my video from CPAC last week, in which I kissed an Ann Coulter poster. Twice.

_______________________

Evanston, Illinois: Hey Dana, is there anything more entertaining than a conservative circular firing squad? Bolton shooting at Bush, Rush shooting at Brooks, Brooks shooting at Jindal, Joe the Plumber shooting at everyone, Tucker Carlson getting booed for saying conservative media needs to place accuracy first, Ann Coulter being her pathologically misanthropic self. Any other acts of fratricide that I missed?

Dana Milbank: No, but your Joe the Plumber mention reminded me of a bit of news I held back from today's column. I asked him if he's really running for Congress and he told me, "Nancy Kaptur will never be beaten. She could be dead and she would still win."

_______________________

Team Aniston: Regrettable to see you attempting to resurrect the shabby reputation of Brad Pitt by publicizing his visit to Washington and various environs. What a pity Mr. Spitzer and Mr. Vitter and other similarly inclined colleagues weren't available to meet with him.

Dana Milbank:

Speaking of Spitzer, I have asked the great Elizabeth at washingtonpost.com to find a link to the story about Eliot Spitzer buying an office building -- right near the Mayflower Hotel!

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: Ex-NY Gov. Spitzer makes D.C. real estate deal (Associated Press, March 6)

Dana Milbank: Here goes.

_______________________

Atlanta: Aren't you afraid people are going to stop by the coffee shop? Or are you really not actually -there- but at another coffee shop?

Dana Milbank: You have 33 minutes, Atlanta. I'm on a barstool in the window. Or anybody else, for that matter. I'll let you select a question.

_______________________

Chattanooga, Tenn.: You forgot 'Twelve Monkeys'. Do you think Pelosi would have been better in the Bruce Willis role or the Madeleine Stowe role?

For a not real tall woman, Pelosi sure seemed to have long legs in the poster for The Mexican.

Dana Milbank:

Ah yes, the Twelve Monkeys, in which Dr. Kathryn Railly (Pelosi) and Jeffrey Goines (Pitt) save the world from a terrible virus by increasing funding for the National Institutes of Health and the CDC.

_______________________

Oregon, OH: Hi Dana, I think that might be Marcy Kaptur.

Dana Milbank: Sorry, got Nancy on my mind.

_______________________

Chicago, Illinois (not the angry guy): Hey Dana, When is Campbell Brown going to start putting out a podcast?

Dana Milbank: I think her due date is any day now.

_______________________

Ottawa, Canada: Just to be nitpicky, but I think that the U.S. could declare war on Canada on any given day, and nobody would notice.

Dana Milbank:

Yeah, but I'm talking about one with bunker busting bombs, not softwood lumber.

_______________________

Curran: Where can we see a photo of M Curran?

washingtonpost.com: Here's a Tim Curran action shot. So impressed! -- Elizabeth

Dana Milbank:

Hurry, ladies. Hot, hot, hot.

_______________________

Greenbelt, Md.: Dana -- Don't tease us. Where can we see a real picture of Mr. Curran?

Dana Milbank:

Just look at Brad Pitt and think, "more handsome."

Like Pitt, he has a beard. But he is much taller, and more ironic.

_______________________

Raleigh, N.C.: Were you at CPAC with Rush? I need an unbiased view, did the Post Photoshop his picture or does his head really look like it is about to explode?

Dana Milbank:

I was there the day before Rush, but I think they were already getting ready to clear people out just to make room for him.

_______________________

New York, N.Y.: Hi, Dana. Having read the layoff news in my field this morning before turning to your column, I have to say I found myself less in the mood for it than I usually am. Are you at all concerned that things will eventually get bad enough that "it's better to laugh than to cry" doesn't work any more? (Just in case the Post's budgetary woes weren't enough to keep you up at night...)

Dana Milbank:

Well, if we've reached the point where it's better to cry than laugh, our problems are worse than I thought. Let us take comfort in the words of the great humorist Friedrich Nietzsche: "we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."

_______________________

Bloomington, Ind: Dana,

Also, last week, Ana Marie Cox twittered, "Am taking recommendations/suggestions for what I should be covering here at cpac. As long as I don't have to talk to anyone.10:22 AM Feb 26th from TweetDeck."

Did you have to talk to anyone at CPAC?

And what are you having at the coffee shop?

Dana Milbank: I had a very long talk with the woman from the NRA who did not want me to be filmed at her booth shooting virtual varmints using the big orange shotgun.

_______________________

Nosy Parker: You do know that Post Sourcette Amy Argetsinger also surfs, don't you? She recently returned from a surfing vacation in Central America, as a matter of fact.

Dana Milbank: I did not know that. Amy, too, is hot, though not in quite the same way as Curran.

_______________________

Tim Curran shots - : And that's WPost's very own editor, is it?

Dana Milbank:

Well, I guess I should fess up. I asked Elizabeth to put up photos of Tim Curran, but I did not specify which Tim Curran.

Still, ladies, you will have to take my word for it. He's smokin'.

_______________________

I'll let you select a question. : I'd love to see how the software looks. One day I will come stalk you, Milbank.

Hey, is there a Mrs. Milbank?

Dana Milbank: Yes and she is taking my Nancy Pelosi infatuation very well.

By the way, nobody has come to see me at M.E. Swing yet.

_______________________

Silver Spring, Maryland: Since you brought up Churchill do you think President Obama dissed the Brits this week by not having a joint news conference and not being totally lovey-dovey with PM Brown? Some have speculated that our Nation's first African-American president is still carrying a grudge over the Brits' role in starting the slave trade and colonizing Kenya. What do you think?

Dana Milbank: I absolutely love the theory that Obama is punishing the Brits for the Mau-Mau rebellion.

Mostly I think the White House didn't realize how sensitive the British would be. They were quite rattled by Obama removing the Churchill bust from the Oval Office.

_______________________

Anonymous: Dana, I have always admired your opinions and perspective on political issues but this last article about Brad Pitt was downright sophomoric. This is a guy who is a private citizen and has spent time and money helping out New Orleans when our own government under Bush didn't do squat... sooooo... why all the sarcasm? I know, I know, you have to be different and you have to have a column every day but come on, do you have to be like the skinny, ugly, blond Ann Coulter?

Dana Milbank:

I am offended! All of my columns are downright sophomoric.

Actually, Anonymous (if I may call you Anonymous), it appears that you may have missed the point. I have no beef with the very handsome Pitt. And I'm sure he does lots of good and noble charitable work. I do wonder, however, whether the time of the president, the Senate majority leader and the speaker of the House might have been better spent yesterday.

_______________________

Nashville TN: Yeah, but how does Curran look on a horse?

washingtonpost.com: Oddly enough, Timmy Curran, when not surfing (or editing the Post politics section) is also a musician. Here is a video of him performing "Horses on the Range".

Dana Milbank:

Oh dear.

Ladies, he takes requests! currant@washpost.com

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Thanks for opening my eyes to the ME Swing coffee shop -- I love local businesses. I am so going there on my lunch break.

Dana Milbank: Way better than Starbucks and Caribou.

_______________________

Houston, Tex.: Mr. Milbank, What's the Madoff deal?

washingtonpost.com: Madoff May Be Preparing Plea Deal (EconomyWatch blog)

Dana Milbank: The plea deal is the enemy of the Sketch. I want that trial and I want it transferred to Washington.

_______________________

Florida chick: is Curran really single? tell him to throw it down on match.com. or Catholic match. we need photos, many photos. is he a dope? is he taking a buyout? do you have his tax returns 1999-present?? let's scrutinize this offering.

Dana Milbank:

I was beginning to worry I'd go through a whole chat without hearing from Katherine Harris.

You ask good questions, Florida chick. I promise to be better prepared -- photos! -- for next week's chat.

Thanks for tuning in.

_______________________

Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions. washingtonpost.com is not responsible for any content posted by third parties.