Celebritology Live: Best Faux Monroe, Rihanna's New Tattoo, Real Housewives

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Liz Kelly
washingtonpost.com Celebritology Blogger
Friday, March 27, 2009; 2:00 PM

When stars shave their heads, marry (or divorce) inadvisedly, couch-jump, spend countless minutes in jail, commit a fashion faux pas and/or other random acts of ego-inspired inanity, washingtonpost.com Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly is on the job. Every weekday, Liz shares the buzz, offers perspective and provides crucial links to juicy alternate news sources and, of course, takes your reaction in her daily blog.

Join Liz LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

In her pre-celeb obsessed days (as if!), Liz ran washingtonpost.com's Discussions section, where she enjoyed talking to really interesting people -- sometimes even Post reporters -- on the phone. She still produces Pulitzer-prize winner Gene Weingarten's weekly Chatological Humor discussion and serves as co-proprietress of post.com's "Lost" Central.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Welcome to a special Friday edition of Celebritology Live. Let's work together to fill the void left in the day by the absence of Carolyn Hax. Though I'll stop short of taking questions about Bridezillas -- unless they're of the celebrity variety.

Madonna is adopting again, T.I. was just sentenced to a year in prison (which prompted one co-worker/fan to remark that she guessed he would write some good songs while in the clink) and, according to yous guys, ScarJo is the best faux Monroe out there.

Let's get started. And since it is after noon on a Friday, I won't frown on cocktails.

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Marilyn Monroe: None of them are "best," but Lilo is definitely the worst. I didn't know it was her at first, and if you hadn't put it in an article about Marilyn Monroe I wouldn't have thought that's who was supposed to be. Just looks like a creepy junkie trying to be sexy.

washingtonpost.com: I thought it might be Boy George.

Liz Kelly: Ouch. Come on now -- give Lindsay a break. She was probably out until all hours the night before and you know Red Bull and vodka wreaks havoc on the skin.

And since the Lilo pics seem to have taken many by surprise, that gives me the perfect opportunity to push this old piece I did at the time the pix were first published.

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So, John Mayer comes out against Twitter:: I'm sorry, I know it's uncouth to like the guy, but sometimes he just makes me laugh my head off.

Liz Kelly: Yeah. One would think the guy is employed by Twitter, he tweets so much. But, according to him, it's just a means to an end -- a way to be cool and techy, I guess:

"I've always communicated at a high level as best I can whether it's Twitter, Napster or message boards or wherever," Mayer said. "I don't have a devotion to Twitter. I didn't sell out to Twitter. You do Twitter until everybody gets off of Twitter and it's something else you go and try out.

I'm not certain, but I think that last sentence means it's something you do until it isn't cool anymore. John, if you're out there -- I'd say that once MC Hammer became one of the biggest Twitter hits, the cool factor plummeted.

He also said:

"If you really think that Twitter is the pathway to spiritual enlightenment, well...It's one step away from sending pictures of your poop."

Dos anyone ever get the sense that John Mayer is one of those guys who thinks he's really deep and intellectual, but is actually more likely to talk about sending pictures of poop?

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UK weirdness - fake tan wakes man in coma: Maybe Lindsay Lohan should advertise her fake tanning product's healing powers - a London tabloid claims it saved a guy in a coma. Weird.

washingtonpost.com: My fake tan woke my boyfriend from a coma (The Daily Mirror)

Liz Kelly: Good plan -- Lilo can use all the marketing help she can get. Maybe we can come up with an appropriate slogan:

"Strong enough to wake a man from a profound state of unconsciousness, but made for pasty women."

Enh. I'm sure you can do better.

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Two Degrees of Mary Louise Parker: Upon reading the US weekly piece of Jeffery Dean Morgan's surprise/mystery 4-year old, I was reminded that he was engaged to MLParker in 2008 -- probably around filming of the "Watchmen," which also starred the guy famous for jilting her, Billy Crudup. Any idea of how the two men got along on set?

Liz Kelly: As I recall, Morgan and Parker met on on the set of "Weeds" -- Morgan played Parker's dead husband in flashbacks to her pre-pot dealing days.

As for the "Watchmen" set, that's an excellent question. I don't recall any buzz about ill will during the filming, though at last July's Comic-Con panel, Morgan and Crudup were seated at opposite ends of the panel. Hmmmm....

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Alexandria, Va.: Liz! I didn't get the memo your chat was on Friday this week and nearly died yesterday when I couldn't get my dose of celeb news. And being the overreactor that I am, I thought your chat had gone the way of Kim O'Donnell's chat. (Which is a terrible tragedy and WaPo is crazy for canceling it.)

Liz Kelly: Perish the thought! We're not going anywhere. Sorry for the scheduling snafu, but I had an interview scheduled with Bai Ling yesterday at chat time and wasn't able to move it. Stay tuned for the results of that interview in about a week.

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Upside of Basic Cable: Although I'm happy to snark on LiLo's demotion from feature-film to basic-cable, in all honesty - isn't there a higher proabability that MORE people will actually see her movie now? (I wouldn't pay for it, but I might flip past it.)

Liz Kelly: I'm thinking online viewing party. I can't possibly watch this without you guys.

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Paul needs glasses: Boy George is currently big enough to warrant having his own zip code. How you could possibly mistake him for the half-starved Lindsay Lohan is beyond me.

Although, George O'Dowd, in his prime, would have put all those other Marilyn wanna bes to shame.

washingtonpost.com: Back in the day, I meant.

Liz Kelly: Glad that's cleared up.

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kurt loder - ghost of mtv past: Liz, I was reading a movie review on MTV.com and was shocked to see it was written by former MTV news king Kurt Loder (back when they had news, videos, VJs) - I am amazed he's still at the network. Any idea what his title/duties are besides horror movie critic?

Liz Kelly: He's been around all along -- I believe he's still the titular head of MTV News. He just looks ancient in contrast to all his new colleagues -- who were likely not even born when he started his MTV career.

Speaking of former vee-jays, I know I saw Mark Goodman somewhere recently (on TV), but my brain is failing me on remembering where...

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Bai Ling interview? For reals?: Please tell me you got to the root of her blogging nuttiness!

Liz Kelly: I did. Stay tuned.

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Bai Ling: What makes her worthy of an interview? Does she actually do anything besides commit fashion crimes?

Liz Kelly: Actually, she does. If you look up her IMDB page you'll see she's one of the workingest actors out there. She co-stars in the new Jason Statham movie, "Crank 2," and opposite Helen Mirren in a movie coming out this fall.

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washingtonpost.com: This should accompany any mention of Kurt Loder in a celebrity chat:

Liz Kelly: Thank you, Paul. Now my Friday is perfect.

Crazy Courtney Love, you complete me.

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23112: No offense to you, but today's gossip news was so dull that I forgot I read it and read it again 30 minutes later. And it's STILL forgetful.

Liz Kelly: What? Even news that Madge is planning to expand the family? Or that Lilo's new movie is going straight to cable? I'm interested in hearing what would shake you out of your stupor.

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"I've always communicated at a high level": What does he mean by that? He communicates a lot? Or, his communications are more enlightened than the mainstream?

Liz Kelly: Maybe he means he's tall?

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Three Stooges: Is nothing sacred anymore? I can't believe this movie. It might MIGHT be tolerable if it's a bio-pic and not just a slapstick Stooges movie do-over. But the casting is terrifying.

Liz Kelly: I have to agree with you. I'll reserve judgment because the Farrelly Brothers know how to put together a movie, but I just can't decide which alleged star of the upcoming remake is more absurd: Sean Penn or Benicio del Toro.

Jim Carrey I can picture in this, no problem.

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faux Monroe: ScarJo wins because she has the hottest pic, not because she's the best Marilyn. I'm thinking the source of most poll-responders' Marilyn knowledge is repeated listening to Elton John's pre-Diana "Candle in the Wind."

Liz Kelly: I was pretty sure ScarJo would win -- after all, look what she does to Producer Paul.

And re: "Candle in the Wind" -- are you sure? I'm betting there's a whole generation that thinks that song is about Princess Diana.

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Duplicity: Julia was fun to watch. Despite the review that advised me that Clive Owen was "sex on a stick," I just didn't find him a credible match with America's Sweetheart. Am I missing something crucial?

Liz Kelly: I haven't seen the movie yet, but this was actually a re-pairing of the two. They co-starred in 2004's "Closer," as well, and if you believe movie promotion junket press, are actually very good friends in real life.

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Oh how the mighty have fallen - Willie ames edition: I am loathe to cackle at the financial woes of other in these times - but how was Willie Ames not able to stretch his "Eight is Enough" and "Charles in Charge" cash to afford the standard of living in Kansas? Also, didn't he make major scratch as "Bibleman" in the late 90's?

Liz Kelly: I don't even know where to start.

I'm betting even money that Willie shows up on reality TV in the near future.

And now I have the "Charles in Charge" theme stuck in my head. Allow me to infect you with it, too:

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washingtonpost.com:

Getty Images

Liz Kelly: Thanks Paul -- I'm glad you pulled this pic because it couldn't be further from Scarlett's Monroe-invoking pix and, in fact, some are saying she looks as if she's lost major weight. I'm thinking it's just the heavenly slimming effects of black (not that ScarJo needs that help).

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I'm interested in hearing what would shake you out of your stupor. : Sounds like a job for the Fake Tan Rescue Woman. Can someone send her a message? Help! Someone in sector G is in a stupor, gossip news did not work, need help now!

Liz Kelly: I need 10 ccs of fake tanner, stat.

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byool, IN: All this talk of Boy George reminds me that this morning I read that some counterfeiters have been passing 20-pound notes with his face on them instead of HM's Usual Royal Visage.

Fraudsters used Boy George on bank notes

By the way, thank you so much for the last two days: for ScarJo, Valerie B and Padma Lakshmi.

washingtonpost.com: If you thank that's something, you should see the Bai Ling pic Liz sent me.

Liz Kelly: Wow wow wow. I would love to get my hands on one of those fake notes.

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"Candle in the Wind": I'm the right age and I never knew it was about MM til now.

Liz Kelly: See?

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B'More Cat Lover: Posting early cuz...who cares why I'm posting early!

Just a quick request for a photo of Andy, Opie and/or Page. We're bound to endure requests for ScarJo photos, so I thought we should balance it out.

Thanks!

Liz Kelly: This is Andy just moments ago. After I took the pic I was forced to kick him off the desk. It was either the cat or the chat, if you get my meaning.

And here's one of Opie from last night.

Page isn't doing press right now.

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Washington, D.C.: Somebody's stalking David Caruso? Really? Why?

Liz Kelly: Who are we to understand mental illness?

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the jilted vs. the stalked: So will "Dancing with the Stars" come down to who has the biggest life story offscreen? The chick from "The Bachelor" who was dumped on TV vs the silver medalist who was stalked?

washingtonpost.com: And is Shawn Johnson the most random stalking victim in recent memory?

Liz Kelly: As with Caruso, I don't think stalkers generally track popularity ratings when choosing their objects of obsession.

I really do feel for Shawn Johnson. She's only 17 and not really much of a star. I'm sure that being on the show was a huge thrill for her. Then this guy has to come along and totally ruin it.

I'm glad they caught him before he was able to cause her any harm.

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Andy Fan: Go ahead, please let Andy walk on the keys. We want to see what message Andy has to send us.

Liz Kelly: I'm sure it would involve his desire to somehow obtain a truckload of chicken gizzards and roadkill. And, really, who wants to read about that?

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The Osbournes: Are they really going to do a variety show?

Liz Kelly: Yep.

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Bai Ling!: Woah, she'll be 43 this year. She might be wacky, but girlfriend looks pretty good for almost 43.

Liz Kelly: Exactly. She's in amazing shape. Though, when I asked her about her age she said -- in all seriousness -- that she was actually 26. I guess age is a state of mind.

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Pensacola, Fla.: I enjoyed "Closer" and thought it was a good introduction to Clive Owen. But then i saw that silly "Derailed" with Jennifer Aniston and then I saw "Shoot 'Em Up." Ugh. That is one of the five worst movies ever made, the worst being "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy." I don't think Clive can redeem himself in my eyes. I'm not sure who to daydream about now. And don't say you-know-who. He is completely ugly to me.

Liz Kelly: Clive does seem to have chosen some bad projects. But he did an amazing job in "Croupier" and "Gosford Park."

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CSI: Miami: It looks like I'm ...

(removes sunglasses)

...the stalk of the town.

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Liz Kelly: Thank you.

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Chris Walken: Did you find out if that Twitter feed from last week was for real? If so, I may cave and get involved with this tweeting thing.

Liz Kelly: Sadly, it is not real. I thought we shared that. If not, here's the scoop.

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Ohio: Isn't Twitter just a variation on the theme of the dreaded and mocked (by pop culture) "Christmas Letter." The one that some people include with their Christmas cards and in which they sum up their family's yearly doings and accomplishments.

Only Twitter takes it to the nth degree. It doesn't limit the blather to once annually but churns out the verbal nuggets of mundane torment daily. Or hourly. Or even more often than that.

Twitter is a never-ending Christmas Letter.

Liz Kelly: Hmm, maybe. Except that most tweets don't announce major accomplishments or milestones and, in their favor, are much easier to digest than the latest 10-point font front-and-back holiday missive from Aunt Dolores.

I'm glad you brought this up, though, because it reminds me of the buzz a few weeks back when everyone was doing the "25 Random Things About Me" list on Facebook. A flurry of articles were written about what a narcissistic exercise that was, and all I could think was that Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc. are all about shameless self promotion. It didn't take the "25 Things" fad to turn us all into self-absorbed egoists.

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Best Monroe: I can't see how anyone could not choose Anna Nicole Smith. After all, she's the only one who's dead.

washingtonpost.com: It's easy to forget, but she really was a looker back in the day.

Liz Kelly: I scanned the above text quickly and first thought Paul had written something that rhymed with "looker." I need to slow down.

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Andy : Just looking at that incredible face--how do your refuse the guy anything? I was ready to hand over the turkey in my sandwich, only the computer got in my way.

Liz Kelly: Awww. Trust me, Andy gets plenty.

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I'm betting even money that Willie shows up on reality TV in the near future. : I -think- he was already on Celebrity Fit Club.

washingtonpost.com: Right you are. He lost 19 pounds on season 2 of "Celebrity Fit Club." Thanks.

Liz Kelly: I'm seeing him as a nice addition to the Celebrity Rehab gang.

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Re: ScarJo: As someone who is well endowed, it is hard to lose "the girls." They are usually the last to go when you lose weight. When I lost 80 pounds, I went from a DD to a C cup, so don't worry, ScarJo's girls are still there.

washingtonpost.com: Thank you for this important update.

Liz Kelly: Having some experience in this area, I can report that the girls are not always the last to go.

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John, Elton John: Hey, this Elton John guy is good at writing songs about dead blondes. Who do you think the next iteration of "Candle in the Wind" will be about? Madonna? Jenna Bush? David Beckham?

Liz Kelly: It is kind of a one-size-fits-all elegy. Let's not confine ourselves to blondes, though, when Amy Winehouse is such a good candidate.

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Jim Carrey I can picture in this, no problem. : Okay, but I was picturing Debra Messing, Brooke Shields and Angie Harmon.

washingtonpost.com:
Debra Messing, Brooke Shields and Angie Harmon strike an angelic pose at a Thursday evening Latisse launch party in Los Angeles. (AP)

Liz Kelly: Nice.

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RE: Clive Owen: Years ago, he did a great series of short films for BMW. He played some sort of getaway driver in them. My favorite was the one with Gary Oldham playing the devil, and James Brown giving away his soul, and Clive Owen having to race the devil in a BMW. I'm sure they're still online somewhere if you Google them.

washingtonpost.com:

washingtonpost.com: There's also one with Clive and Madonna, directed by Guy Ritchie.

Liz Kelly: Ask and ye shall receive.

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Tinseltown: Speaking of Anna Nicole Smith, did you see "What About Earl?" last night. It had the one routine that allowed one to laugh at her tragedy and not feel bad about laughing at it.

Liz Kelly: I did not. Mr. Liz and I were busy watching this week's DVR'd episode of the "Real Housewives of New York City."

I haven't put it to a quantitative test or anything, but I think my blood pressure actually rises while watching. That countess just annoys me no end.

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holy che!: Wow, I see you have a serious theme to your decor in that pic of Andy! Your choice or Mr. Liz?

Liz Kelly: I'd like to state that those are the only two Che-themed pieces in the house. The top one is a cartoon from the New Yorker. The bottom is one of Mr. Liz's pieces.

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Bridget's Sexiest Beaches: Are you watching? I am actually really liking it. Surprisingly....

Liz Kelly: I only see the bits that make it to "The Soup."

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Stay classy, San Diego! - Rihanna's tats: Wow, nothing says classy-lady-taking-control-of-her-life like twin handgun tatoos on the ribcage.

Sigh.

washingtonpost.com: EXCLUSIVE: Rihanna's Tattoo Artist Dishes On Her New Gun Tattoo

Liz Kelly: Let's put a positive spin on this:

At least it isn't the Tasmanian Devil. Or the Rolling Stones tongue logo.

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Virginia Square: Seriously, what is this?

Liz Kelly: Dopplegangers, apparently.

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Above the Apple Store: So Liz, are you a Kelly fan or have you always been and always will be Team Bethenny?

Liz Kelly: Oh, I am so on team Bethenny. She is going to totally take Kelly down. But Bethenny should be careful -- Kelly has been known to get physical.

And what's the scoop on the store, anyway? I need a new battery for my Mac and they've shut the doors until sometime in April.

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Given your Tuesday job...: "Does anyone ever get the sense that John Mayer is one of those guys who thinks he's really deep and intellectual, but is actually more likely to talk about sending pictures of poop?"

If anyone would have enough experience to recognize someone like this, Liz, it would be you.

Liz Kelly: I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment.

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Re: MTV VJs: I saw Duffy at an event at the UN a few months ago. A friend whispered to me, "Hey, that's MTV's Duffy!" And I said, "Who?" And she pointed her out, and gosh darnit if it all didn't click. I never would have known her if I'd only seen her on the street or only heard her name, but both together did it.

washingtonpost.com: This will surprise no one, but I used to think she was really cute.

Liz Kelly: I'm beginning to think it would be easier to keep track of women Paul doesn't find attractive.

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Vince Vaughn: Engaged at 39 to a Canadian realtor? I be doubtful.

Liz Kelly: Why? Honestly, I find it more believable than the (expletive) we were fed about him dating Aniston.

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Above the Apple Store: I got a letter that said there'd be construction there for two weeks. So I imagine they'll open up again in the middle of April. I'm Team Bethenny too!

Liz Kelly: Ahhh, thanks for the clarification. Go team Bethenny!

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Arlington: Ok Liz...you promised...what's the skinny on the Tracy Anderson dvd? Yay or nay? I see it's not available on Amazon anymore and my ebay auction ends tomorrow. I need to know!

Liz Kelly: It is tough, but v. good. I'm still getting the hang of it, but really liking it so far.

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Liz Kelly: Okay, that's it for today. Thanks for turning out late on a Friday afternoon. See you back here at the regular time next week -- Thursday at 2 p.m. ET.

Stay gold...

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Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions. washingtonpost.com is not responsible for any content posted by third parties.


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