Celebritology Live: Renaming Lindsay Lohan's Spray Tan Mist

You've Been Served... a Heaping Plate of Gossip

Join Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon.

A big round of applause, pleaase, for Elizabeth Edwards who refrained from over-analyzing her reaction to news of John Edwards's affair. "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up," she writes in her new memoir. Hooray for a human reaction.

In other vaguely celebritological news, it seems Miss California has found a way to extend her 15 minutes by launching an anti-gay marriage campaign. Puhleeeze.

Lucky us, we've got an hour to talk about all that and news that Tyra Banks's stalker was found guilty, Sean Penn's divorcing and Jen Chaney and I are hosting a "Lost" happy hour in just two weeks.

Let's get started...

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Reston, Va.: Kal Penn. OK, full on crush here. And to think I didn't even know his name before last weekend. I've never seen "House" and I've only just seen "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" - and it dawned on me that I did see him in an Ashton Kutcher flick before.

So, where does he live, who is he seeing (oh please say no one...) and what's he like (since apparently you've interviewed him?)...

Is he even going to be in town much for his new job?

Liz Kelly: I interviewed Kal twice -- the first time very briefly at last year's White House Correspondents Dinner, the second in the middle of a convention center hall full of screaming fans. In both, he was polite and didn't strike me as typically Hollywood. Also, he's totally crush-worthy in real life, too.

"Harold and Kumar" is good stuff, but you should also check out "The Namesake" to see him in a more serious role.

As for the rest, he's done a bang up job of keeping his private life private -- though you can follow him on Twitter. I do.

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LiLo's Tanning Booth: Liz, you do know that Sevin is one of the most popular insecticides used by home gardeners, right? So Sevin Nyne must be, like, way more powerful!

washingtonpost.com: Product Testing: Lindsay Lohan's Sevin Nyne Spray Tanner

Liz Kelly: I did know that. I recall my grandmother liberally dousing her tomato and potato plants with Sevin with her bare hands (may she RIP). And I can report confidently that my grandmother was not at all tan. Silly Lindsay.

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Battle of the Long-suffering wives - Robyn/Robin edition: Who deserves the title of wife most ground down by philandering husband with a massive ego - Robin Wright Penn (Sean Penn), or Robyn Gibson (Mel Gibson)?

Liz Kelly: Ooh, good one.

If I had to choose I think I'd have to go with Robyn Gibson. Not only has she had to deal with her husband's wandering eye, but she stood by him during that DUI bust a few years back and endured the entire world knowing her husband was both a sexist and an anti-Semite. And despite not being Catholic herself, she allowed him to utterly dominate their spiritual life. All while busy bearing and raising seven (I think it's seven) kids for the guy.

And now, with the ink on their divorce filing not even dry, he's bringing the new chick -- a Russian "singer" signed to his record label -- to big premieres.

I really hope she's got a good lawyer.

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Army Wife: My husband is making the trip home from overseas for his R&R, my house still needs cleaning, and my 3-year-old isn't wearing pants. I know I'm on a timeline and should be dusting, but I'm also 36 weeks pregnant and just wanna have an excuse to sit here for awhile longer. So can we please have some kinda crazy scandal today so that I have at least another hour to be totally lazy?? Thanks!

Liz Kelly: Hellz yeah. As an Army brat, I definitely feel your pain. And I hope I speak the truth when I say that your hubby isn't going to care if the house isn't clean. He just wants to see you, the kid and the bun. And I'm sure he'd prefer a rested wife to a sparkling coffee table.

Take your pick -- let's talk about Speidi and their unfortunately timed Mexican vacation or perhaps the debunked rumor that Jen Aniston caught Brad having phone (relations) with Angie prior to their divorce. Bring it on.

And remember, it could always be worse -- your 3-year-old could be wearing pants. Pleated pants.

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Sevin Nyne: And I thought the poor girl just didn't know how to spell. But then it should have been Sevyn Nyne? Or 79 cents?

Liz Kelly: She told Ellen that 7 is her favorite number and 9 SamRo's. I think it's cute that she saw a tanning spray as the ultimate expression of their combined love.

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Chardonnay extracts? : Liz, I have to believe you tried the tanning spray so that your fans won't have to waste their moolah. I refuse to believe you fell for "chardonnay extracts."

Liz Kelly: No, I didn't really fall for chardonnay extracts, though as a life-long ghost I can tell you that we'll sometimes put our faith in just about anything for the hopes of a hint of color.

But I tried Sevin Nyne because it's my job. Nevermind exposing myself to chardonnay and carcinogens, I will not fail to perform my sworn duties as a Celebritologist.

And if anyone is dying for a barely used bottle of Sevin-Nyne, I'll mail it out to who ever submits the best idea for a more appropriate name for the product.

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Elizabeth Edwards tells all!: Are Elizabeth a John still together? Why is she dredging this back up for the public? Other than a prurient interest in the bedroom-activities of a famous couple, what good does this book do?

washingtonpost.com: Elizabeth Edwards: John's Affair Made Me Throw Up (usmagazine.com)

Liz Kelly: According to the story linked above, Edwards forgave John and things between the two are now "better."

I'm not sure what her motivation is for sharing this, but it's her pain to share so I'm not going to tell her what to do with it. She's lived a somewhat public life and her husband's affair has mainly been related to us courtesy of the National Enquirer, so I kind of get her wanting to share her side of the story.

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Career lifespan of a starlet: Tara Reid and the imminent Reidization of Lindsay Lohan's career are frequent topics on this chat. Perhaps though, white-hot stardom in one's teens/early 20's isn't meant to last? (i.e. look at the contemporaries from Reid's films who aren't exactly burning up the box office: Rachel Leigh Cook, Shannon Elizabeth, Mena Suvari, etc.) Can you come up with some variables that extend or shorten a Hollywood career? (The obvious being 1) never have a flop, 2) stay insurable, 3) don't get a party reputation, 4) don't get old.)

Liz Kelly: You've got a good start there. I think I'd add:

5) have some actual talent.

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Mouseketeers: We hear daily about how far Lindsay Lohan has veered from having been a Disney tween property; what's Hilary Duff up to?

Liz Kelly: Actually, you might have spotted her earlier this week as a guest star on "Law & Order: SVU."

And she's due to star in that remake of "Bonnie and Clyde," as per Variety. Remember a couple of months back when Faye Dunaway (the star of the original) asked "couldn't they cast a real actress?"

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RI: Sorry, I've been trapped in a windowless room writing my dissertation and am just now emerging after almost a year. (Unfortunately, not really an exaggeration.) So: what was the real story with Lohan as a lesbian?? My students blithely mentioned something and I was very confused.

Liz Kelly: I'm flattered that you think I'd know.

In all honesty, I think the jury's still out.

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NY, NY: If GE owns NBC and GE takes TARP money, shouldn't the performers/celebs under contract to NBC have their pay capped the same as corporate America?

And PS - John Edwards makes a lot of people throw up.

washingtonpost.com: The Scheinhardt Wig Company owns NBC.

Liz Kelly: GE. NBC. TARP. PS.

OMG. Stop.

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My coworker drives me nuts: I'm thinking it would be healthier to redirect my hatred to a celebrity character so that I will have less likelihood of actually ripping her head off. Any recommendations for transferance?

Liz Kelly: This isn't a simple procedure -- there's actually a little science involved. First, we need to know what it is about your co-worker that is so annoying so we can match you with the appropriate celebrity on which to hate.

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Sevin-Nyne: How about "Sevin-Wyne." She can cut out Samantha, while giving us some info about what's in the product all at the same time.

I don't want it, though.

Liz Kelly: I would love it if every entry came in with "I don't want it, though" tacked on the end.

I'm never going to be able to get rid of this stuff.

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Tinseltown: Not that we would ever do such a thing...but, what do you think of the pool as to which young celebrity (who are more susceptible to the swine flu), and is probably emaciated, is going to be the first to come down with (either for real or through unconfirmed announcement from a publicist) the swine flu?

Liz Kelly: Well, I don't want to get into idle speculation, but my money would have to be on Heidi and Spencer -- who knew there was an epidemic quickly spreading through Mexico, yet chose to go to Cabo anyway.

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Boulder, Colo.: My name is Julie and I am a GOOP reader. And I enjoy it.

There, I said it. But I still don't feel better.

Liz Kelly: I know. It's okay, Julie. You're not alone. Though I didn't have much use for today's kid-friendly restaurants newsletter.

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Above the Apple Store: Liz, I hope you saw the Kell-amity that was the Kelly/Bethenny fight on Tuesday. That has to be editing right?! I mean Kelly can't be that annoying. I know a lot of it is probably scripted. But do you think they're fed lines or just the story arcs?

Liz Kelly: That was some good cat fight, fer sure.

I know this stuff is heightened and encouraged for reality TV, but Kelly really did come off as completely self-absorbed and unaware of how offensive/dismissive she actually is. Though I have to admit I'm surprised that Bethenny has let Kelly get this far under her skin. Bethenny is incredibly self-possessed and sure of herself and pretty fabulous (compared to some of the other women on this show), so why should a snub by some dried up model even give her pause?

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Extend or Shorten Career: College. Starlets who go to college--Brooke Shields, Jodie Foster, Natalie Portman--seem to fare better in the transition period.

Liz Kelly: Good point.

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Reston: Kal Penn - augh, throw me a bone! Any way to meet the guy once he comes to town?

Thanks for the other movie tips.

Liz Kelly: Oh he's already here, Reston. I guess you could start hanging out around the White House, but that might make the Secret Service a bit nervous.

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New York, N.Y.: I think you left out a world about Hillary Duff - she was fake Casey Anthony is "L&O" this week. What made the episode planning awesome was the fact that it basically came down to a public heath issue. I'm now convinced NBC is behind the Swine Flu stuff.

Liz Kelly: Okay, thank you. I didn't watch the episode myself, so thanks for filling us in.

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I like Sean, but: I still think Robin's too good for him. I think we all saw this coming when he didn't thank her at the Oscars. jerk.

Liz Kelly: Yeah, it seemed like an odd omission at the time. I think she should start dating Cary Elwes.

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Bale and Bana: Christian and Eric, I get them confused. One is in "Terminator" and one is in "Star Trek." One rants at folks in his sight line and the other is Australian.

washingtonpost.com: Eric Bana / Christian Bale

Liz Kelly: Careful, the Bana pic wants to download to your hard drive. Try this link.

Seems like you have them pretty well figured out, though.

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New York: Yeah, but Julia Stiles went to college and you don't hear anything about her.

Liz Kelly: She was in the last Bourne movie and she's constantly turning up in party scene pix in New York mag. That's definitely a step above "I Know Who Killed Me" and TMZ.

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Career: Good parents.

Liz Kelly: Well, I think we can all benefit from that -- Hollywood or no.

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Starlet Screenplay Idea: I've always thought there should be a mock-u-mentary in the vein of "This is Spinal Tap" for the trajectory of the young hollywood starlet, ala Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan. From getting their start with Disney to controversy over wearing clothes that are too sexy all the way until rehab and comeback.

washingtonpost.com: "Drop Dead Gorgeous" is close to this.

Liz Kelly: I like that idea. A lot. Hmmm.

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Because I want it, I'll mock it: New name for Sevin Nyne: South Seas Skank.

Liz Kelly: Oooh, I like.

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Omaha, Neb.: So George Clooney is in town, filming scenes for an upcoming movie. If one happened to bump into a celebrity and wanted to engage in conversation with said celebrity, what is the best sort of thing to say? "I like your work" "Welcome to Omaha - we have an Apple store" "Tell Brad he has enough babies already!" I imagine smiling politely and moving on would be most appreciated, but HOW could you let a face-to-face opportunity drift by?

This is really just a philosophical question, but I want to give it some thought, in case George happens to be loitering in the parking lot after work.

washingtonpost.com: What's Mrs. Garrett really like?

Liz Kelly: Nice try producer Paul. Just be yourself and use any standard opener. But remember, the guy may not be in the mood for a conversation -- so make sure to read his body language before making your move.

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Variation of South Seas Skank: South Seas Stank.

Because it does.

Liz Kelly: Also nice. And yes, it totally does.

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Julia Stiles: But she's a Mets fan. That's sad.

washingtonpost.com: Julia Stiles on the Mets: Making New Memories - WSJ.com

Liz Kelly: That's right! Thanks for the reminder.

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Gee Street: Liz, Amy and Rox said yesterday Kal isn't moving here until June. It sounds to me like you do know more than your two interviews with him.

Liz Kelly: No, I was figuring he'd already relocated since he's been on hand for events like the Easter Egg Roll earlier this month. I'm sure Amy and Rox know better.

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Team Bethenny: I think Kelly gets under Bethenny's skin because this is one person Bethenny can't get away from who really irks her. Kelly is her castmate so they have to make appearances together, party together, etc. for the show. She's constantly faced with the self-absorbed model who snubbed her. What a nightmare.

Liz Kelly: I know. It's a massive nightmare for her to have to play cat fight while getting paid ridiculous amounts of money to appear at totally staged events.

But everything's relative and I'm sure that you're right -- she can't just let Kelly drop. Work requires that they interface on a regular basis.

Speaking of Tuesday's show, could Simon and Alex's house be any more hideous? Fuschia and black? Do these people realize they have young children?

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Shorten Career: Avoid stripper roles: "Striptease" almost killed Demi Moore's career, Elizabeth Berkley never recovered from "Showgirls," "I Know Who Killed Me" did not help LiLo.

Liz Kelly: Silly you -- Demi Moore is a huge Twitter star now. Or married to one.

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Savannah, GA: LoTan?

Liz Kelly: Nice. Subtle.

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SevynNyne: Riffin' off the old Sea & Ski product, how about Skank 'n' Stank?

Liz Kelly: This is going to be a close call.

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I think she should start dating Cary Elwes. : Inconceivable!

Liz Kelly: That movie is just perfect. I saw it at Falls Church's State Theater back when it was still a 99 cent movie theater.

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Heincer: What the deuce is a "pre-Honeymoon?" And if it's not important enough to be the ACTUAL honeymoon, couldn't you just skip it because of the pandemic and all? Maybe instead, they could just set up deck chairs in the TRL studio, then they could provide CONSTANT media coverage of their nuptial bliss.

Liz Kelly: I believe a pre-Honeymoon, in this case, equals the portion that is being filmed by MTV's ever-present cameras.

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Sevyn Nyne Rebrand: Huffer's Delight?

Liz Kelly: No. Trust me -- the stench would kill a huffer.

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What show?: Are these Bethany people on that you keep talking about?

Liz Kelly: "Real Housewives of New York." Careful, it's highly addictive.

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Tha, NX: I didn't have much use for Goop, but then, on your recommendation, I made the sweet potato-lentil thing. Wow. That's some good. So now I feel the need to check out more Goop.

Liz Kelly: Yes -- I know. She's got some taste. Damn her.

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Speaking of which: Did you see "I Know Who Killed Me", Liz? Because I did. It was on Encore about a month ago in the middle of the night. There needs to be an award honoring the worse-than-Razzie movies. It was so unbelievably awful.

Liz Kelly: I couldn't make it through five minutes. Mr. Liz, though, made it through about 25 minutes before gouging his eyes out.

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Columbia, Md.: South Seas Stank here (so, so wrong). I vote for Skank 'n' Stank -- I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

Liz Kelly: Okay, one vote for Skank n' Stank.

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Quatch Cave: Mister Dirty Jobs Himself is the cover boy of this month's Outside Magazine: Dirty Pics (Outside Online).

Liz Kelly: Thank you for passing along that important information.

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Wax Figures: I think someone sprayed some of LiLo's Orange Tanning Myst on the "Laverne DiFazio" wax figure. Either that, or she's part Oompa Loompa.

Liz Kelly: Maybe it was Boo-Boo Kitty what did it.

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Octomom's parenting philosophy - biting is okay: Liz the best part from the story you linked to was the line, "Aiden has bite marks, because some of her other children like to bite each other, which she says she also did as a child." Oh, well if they LIKE biting each other - no big deal...

washingtonpost.com: The "No Great Surprise There" Headline of the Year so far: Child Services and Detectives Pay a Visit to Octo-Mom (hollyscoop.com)

Liz Kelly: Is that really so unusual? Three out of four of my nieces and nephews went through a biting phase.

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Babies to Go: So the Broderick/Parker's are feathering their nest for twins... I did not see this coming.

Liz Kelly: Nor did I. In fact, I saw something rather the opposite coming for those two.

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Don't bike in a dress: Backstory: I just bought a fantastic awesome from-1952 Schwinn cruiser. One that begs to be paired with a sundress.

Cut to Saturday, the most beautiful day I could imagine. I rode around all day with my best friend, snapping pictures and being carefree. And now... the shame, oh the shame.

Every single picture is an upskirt shot. My underpants are the prime feature in each frame. I was the Paris Hilton of Capitol Hill/Eastern Market.

Having been there, done that, I'm wondering.... How do celebrities let this happen more than once? I am mortified, and it was only part of DC that got the show. Atleast my grandma is none-the-wiser. Why was this such a fad? And have celebs gotten any smarter about not wearing (ahem) lime-green panties under a dress?

Liz Kelly: That whole upskirt fad was very 2007. I honestly can't remember the last time I've seen one in my morning Web wanderings.

But thanks for the warning. We'll all remember to wear our biker shorts if we feel the need to bike in a skirt.

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Bethesda, Md.: I noted on a Jon and Kate Plus Eight fan site that Kate Gosselin was "tentatively" scheduled for a live Q&A with washingtonpost.com this week - that did not happen. Any chance this Q&A not happening is connected with the latest scandal of Jon out partying at 2 am with another woman on April 18 per US Magazine? Or was there no real basis for the fan site listing the "tentative" Q&A?

washingtonpost.com: This is news to everyone here.

Liz Kelly: Bethesda, can you send us a link to where you found this scheduled chat?

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Best self-tanner PSA: Clarins. The stuff in the round tub even smells okay. But all of their self-tanners work really well. Expensive as hell, but worth it to avoid cancer.

Liz Kelly: Okay, well, you're not winning the bottle of Sevin-Nyne. Just so you know.

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Sevin Nyne: I second LoTan. Very evocative. Like you said, subtle. To the point.

Liz Kelly: I dunno. I might confuse it with "LoJack" and leave it in my car thinking it's some kind of theft deterrent.

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Blossom went to college too: Just sayin'

Liz Kelly: And your point?

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Coworker transference: Okay. She's passive agressive. I've realized I do a lot of work for her. And I am neither her supervisor nor her direct report.

She's often hysterically afraid of normal tasks (such as, say, talking to other people.) I use to view this with pity and rush to help her. Now I'm tired of it.

Oh and she has a husband who borders on the abusive end of the spectrum. She can never please him.

Does this help?

Liz Kelly: Hmmm. I'll throw this out there.

Passive aggressive. Socially awkward. Well, if you happen to be a "Real Housewives" fan I'd totally recommend channeling your rage to Kelly Bensimon.

If not, I'm less sure... maybe Courtney Love?

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Elizabeth Berkley never recovered from "Showgirls" : Oh, like she was expected to have some great film career. She was on "Saved by the Bell," c'mon.

Liz Kelly: Good point.

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More Jennifer Anniston: Is Jason Bateman married? Those pictures of them face to face are so cute and he seemingly has more personality than Brad Pitt and less weirdness than John Mayer.

Liz Kelly: Sorry. According to Wikipedia:

Since 2001, Bateman has been married to actress Amanda Anka, daughter of singer and actor Paul Anka. Their first child, Francesca Nora Bateman, was born October 28, 2006.

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Alexandria, VA: I had a dream where Gwyneth was trying to come up with names for her website, and she was bummed because Come Read About Paltrow was already taken.

Liz Kelly: Come
Read
About
Paltrow

Clever.

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Winnie Cooper went to college: And she still seems to have a career and a life.

Liz Kelly: She's some kind of buxom math genius, isn't she?

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Every single picture is an upskirt shot. My underpants are the prime feature in each frame. I was the Paris Hilton of Capitol Hill/Eastern Market. : Got a link for us?

Liz Kelly: I'm just serving as a facilitator here.

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People's Beautiful Issue: I know it's totally shallow to showcase "beautiful" people who may have no other redeeming qualities, but I thought it was sweet that double-mastectomy survivor Christina Applegate was the cover girl.

Liz Kelly: Agreed. And she is beautiful, no doubt about it.

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methinks: I must have lived a sheltered past couple of decades. I never knew there were lesbian rumors surrounding Kelly McGillis. Had you?

Liz Kelly: Honestly, it rings a bell but I couldn't have recalled specifics before today. But then Kelly is hardly a massive star at this point.

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Passive aggressive coworker celebrity transference: Howzabout: Katie Holmes

Liz Kelly: See, I view Katie as more of a victim.

We need someone similarly off-putting. Ya know, I might actually have to go with Angelina Jolie. She's a little passive aggressive and has made a habit of snubbing red carpet interviewers.

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Tricked into attending a strip-club opening - yeah, right.: Give me a break! Samantha Ronson, Pamela Anderson, Shannen Doherty agree to attend the opening of a "gentlemen's club" and then they are SHOCKED to find topless dancers. This is either lame lying for press, or an amazing display of ignorance and idiocy exploited for press.

washingtonpost.com: If I had a dollar bill for every time this has happened to me...

Celebrities Tricked Into Attending Strip Club Opening (usmagazine.com)

Liz Kelly: Let me finish that sentence for you, Paul:

... you'd make it rain?

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Re: Elizabeth Berkley: C'mon! Don't we all remember the powerful and evocative "I'm so excited, I'm so excited....I'm...so....scared" episode and Jessie Spannow's tragic addiction to caffeine pills???

Yes, I watched way too much "Saved by the Bell" as a kid.

washingtonpost.com: She could have done as well as this guy! "Screech" on "Screech"

Liz Kelly: Noooo... Mr. Dirty Sanchez himself.

(And, one of the most trafficked post.com Live Discussions ever).

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Mens Wear Dept, Tysons Corner: Christina Applegate is beautiful, indeed. One might go so far as to say she's smokin'.

Liz Kelly: Now now.

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Agreed. And she is beautiful, no doubt about it. : And dumb because she is still smoking.

Liz Kelly: We're none of us perfect.

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washingtonpost.com: Please join Liz and Jen for The 'Lost' Hour: Season 5 -- Episode 14: 'The Variable'

washingtonpost.com: Please join Liz and Jen for The 'Lost' Hour: Season 5 -- Episode 14: 'The Variable'

Liz Kelly: Alright -- like the above note sez, it's time for me to get Lost. See you here next week and of course in the blog, on Twitter and Facebook every day.

Liz Kelly: Stank and Skank, you win the bottle of Sevin Nyne. Send in your name and address and we'll dispatch it to you post haste.

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