Color of Money Live

Need advice about how to handle your personal finances? Whether the struggle is saving for retirement, organizing your bank files, or talking about money responsibility with your spouse or loved one, Post personal finance columnist Michelle Singletary offered her advice and answered your questions on Thursday, May 7 at 12 p.m. ET.

This week, Michelle was joined by Celeste Owens, a licensed psychologist, who can answer questions about the emotional side of the recession. As a former faculty member with the University of Maryland, Dr. Owens acted as the Associate Director of the University of Maryland School Mental Health Program. She now runs a private practice in Lanham, Md., which helps individuals seeking recovery from life altering and traumatic events.

Read Michelle's latest columns, check out her Color of Money Book Club selection archive or sign up for her weekly e-mail newsletter.

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Michelle Singletary: I'm here. I'm here. Little computer trouble. But let's get started.

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Columbus, Ohio: I am stressed by the fragile economy, my job security, tremendous loss in my 401K and the fact that I am nearly 60 years old. Instead of being angry and sick to my stomach every day, how can I weather this turbulent environment without jeopardizing my sanity? Thanks.

Celeste Owens: Why worry today for what will be tomorrow, tomorrow has it's own set of worries so live only for today. Open your eyes and find what is good about right now, this moment. It might be hard to do because you don't FEEL like doing that but try it anyway. Push past the fear and embrace a happier more mindful you.

Concentrate on what really matters. Tomorrow is not promised, we only have today. What a waste of time to worry about something that may never be. There is a season for everything. This may feel like winter but what follows winter? Spring...a time for new beginnings. Don't give up!

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College Park, Md.: I'm at a place where I'm trying to figure out how to make do with less. I live alone so I don't have anyone to share bills with, and I kind of resent the position I've put myself in. i know everyone has bills... I KNOW many people have more obligations than I do, but at the same time I find myself angry whenever i write a check to pay a bill. I guess I'm just searching for a way to "feel" o.k. while cutting things out. Is this this normal?

Celeste Owens: You are talking to a sister who learned how to live on not enough. Can you say college student? There were many years that I struggled with not having enuogh for extras and made myself quite miserable being so sad about it. You don't have to do the same.

The key, GRATITIDE. It's that simple. Don't look at what is but what will be. Your sacrifice now, will make for a remarkable reward later.

Umm, what do you have to be grateful for...you live alone (at least you can do what you like, when you like)...you are writing bills (at least you have the money to pay the bills)...you have bills (that means you have a roof over your head, electric, etc.). I think you get the picture. Cheer up, things will change for the better if you stay the course.

Michelle Singletary: Go head Dr. Owens.

I really love this message. It may sound simple but in this day and time you have to look for the good or you will go crazy.

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Arlington, Va.: Not sure if this is a question for you or Carolyn Hax. I'm in a job which after several years has grown stale. I'm being offered a new position elsewhere, but for several thousand dollars less. The new job will provide an invaluable improvement in my life outlook and work-related enthusiasm. Does this offset my loss in income?

Michelle Singletary: For me it would. Besides by the time you substract federal, state and local taxes who much are you talking about per year?

A few hundred dollars a month vs. peace of mind?

I'm a saver and a penny pincher. Many of you know that. But I also believe you have to have peace in your life.

We spend so much of our lives at work. Too much for some of us (me!!) that if you can cut, trim, knock down your budget to make up for the lost income I would for the change and opportunity to explore a new opportunity.

Now I caution you that you may not find all that you are looking for in the new job but hey go for it.

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Alexandria, Va.: It's getting more and more difficult to listen to my significant other talk about being unemployed since October 2008 and all of the jobs he has applied to, but has yet to get a job. It burdens and pains my heart to see him struggle like that. I want to be encouragement to him, but all of the encouragement I give him... he already knows. What can I do more besides continue to encourage him and find and apply for jobs for him? I provide some financial assistance and offer to do anything to help him (not just financially). We plan to marry, but with the current situation is keeping us from moving forward. This situation isn't affective for our relationship, but I fear that it may.

Celeste Owens: I have discovered (through my own life challenges) that we learn the most about ourselves and the strength of our character from adversity. This is his stuggle and he must learn what is to be learned before he moves on.

You too are feeling burdened by his struggle but it is not yours to fix. Your words of encouragement are all that you can give and it is enough.

Let him know that the right job is waiting for him but it won't come before it is time for him to receive it. He must live in the moment, enjoy the present, and be gratful for what is!

Michelle Singletary: Also WATCH how he handles this financial crisis. I mean really, really watch. Far too few couples pay attention to how the other handles himself or herself when money issues come around.

If you have a problem with what's going on and how he's handling this situation don't ignore that red flag.

I also strongly encourage you to get premartial counseling before getting married.

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Chicago, Ill.: Hi -

I had to lay off an employee yesterday. His job functions were redundant with another employee and we didn't need two people doing one person's job. Some of the "survivors" (about 20) are understandably chatting around the water cooler and in the break room of "am I next?".

What can I do to reassure them that, while I can not promise anything, my very last resort would be to lay off anyone else?

Thanks much.

Celeste Owens: That must have pretty tough to say the least and understandably others are fearful of their own fate. It might make sense to have a brief meeting with the "survivors" to share just what you have said in this chat...to your knowledge no one else's job is at jeopardy but you can't know that for sure and won't make promises. This type of candid discussion allows you to build trust as well as empathize with them and acknowledge their concerns.

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Two kinds of credit card users: I really think the mental approach to using a credit card is an important first step. We use ours to secure travel reservations, during travel and when we don't want to carry large sums of cash. The card NEVER comes out of the wallet unless we know we can pay the balance IN FULL when the bill comes.

I think people get into trouble when they use cards as a lay-away plan. "I can get this TV/computer/trip/whatever and only pay $20-50 a month!" Instant gratification wins over long term budgeting and saving.

Before the masses write in to chastise me, I do realize in this economy with job losses there's a third class of users that's forced to rely on cards for day to day stuff because there's no income. I only hope they've scaled back as much as possible to minimize their debt.

Guess which class of card users we've raised our kids to be?

Michelle Singletary: I think you make a very good point.

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Rockville, Md.: Michelle - I loved yesterday's food column re: family dinners. I have done that since my oldest was 3 and she's now 25, and eventually they appreciate it. One thing I have observed, though, is that many of their friends do not have family dinners and these kids have no idea of table manners or how to have a polite conversation with adults. A couple more benefits to family dinners.

I very strongly agree with you about too much credit being available for consumers these days, even after the last 8 months. I believe that the credit problem began to spiral out of control (slowly at first) back in 1980 when Congress passed the Depository Institutions Deregulation and Monetary Control Act of 1980 which eliminated usury laws which kept consumer interest rates under a ceiling. Up until that time, banks had to actually analyze their credit card holders to see if they would be likely to repay charges since the ceiling on rates limited the amount of risk it was worth it to take. After that law passed, all bets were off, although it did take almost 30 years to get where we are today!

Psychologically, when credit is available for a lot of consumers, they will just keep spending. Kind of like alcohol or drugs for addicts. Consumers could still get into trouble when there were usury laws, but a lot fewer of them did, and when they did, the amounts of past due debt were a lot smaller and not so devastating to their lives.

Is anyone talking about putting usury laws back in place?

washingtonpost.com: If Big Mama Could See Me Now (The Post, May 6)

Michelle Singletary: Very, very thoughtful comments.

And nope the dopes are not talking about putting back in place a backstop that would stop credit card issuers from gouging folks.

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North Yarmouth, Maine: Over the past several years, I've lost my six-figure salary, learned I am routinely passed over for equal-paying jobs because I'm over 40, lost other smaller salary jobs because of companies bankrupting, lost my home, my savings -- all while caring for an ailing mother declining into violent Alzheimer's/Dementia and a mentally retarded/deaf/blind sister. I've now learned that I have prostate cancer.

Tell me, what exactly can I do to survive this when everything around me gives me no chance, regardless of what I might do?

Celeste Owens: When it rains it pours...and this statement certainly applies to your situation. So what do you do? You must start to appreciate each experience of rejection as an opportunity to do what it is that you are truly designed to do. People who are a success realize that a setback is an opportunity for a comeback (not my original thought, thank Willie Jolley). All that you are going through is for a reason and these learning experiences are going to be just what you need to do the next thing you are called to do.

I know you must think I am crazy and I couldn't have read your post, but I did. This too shall pass. Start to appreciate what is. Open yourself for others to help, you can't do this all by yourself.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. I have sensed been healed via chemo, radiation, surgery and lots of prayer. I can't say it enough, get a support system. You are not every women nor are we expecting you to be. All the best!

Michelle Singletary: And really you may need to get counseling. I've had it in my life when life happened such as when my dear brother died at 32. I was his caretaker and had been for most of his adult life. Hit me like a brick. Couldn't stop crying. Couldn't stop feeling guilty. Couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself.

Talking to a professional will help you come up with some tools to get thu this hard time.

But as Dr. Owens said (better than me) you have to look up, not down. Because if you continue to look down you will fall because you won't face what's coming.

I so wish you well in this time of your life!

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Silver Spring, Md.: For the person deciding about a pay cut vs a good life, take the good life. I did it about three years ago and have never looked back.

I saved enough on after-work consolation drinks, shopping therapy, and even trips and seminars i took because I had no other source of satisfaction in life to make up the difference.

Think of the good overall, and do it if you possibly can.

Michelle Singletary: Thanks for sharing. I'm sure this will help.

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Wilmington, Del.: Hi Michelle,

Recently, Suze Orman advised that if one doesn't yet have a full emergency fund, he should pay only the minimum on credit cards until the fund is where it needs to be (about six months of expenses, I think). I'm far from that. I only have about $1,100 saved up (my monthly expenses are about $1,800). My credit card debt is about $5,450 ($400 at 10.38% APR and $5050 at 2.99 APR). The $5050 balance is locked in at that rate (I did a balance transfer and make no new purchases). Right now my monthly payments are $15, and $65, respectively. I've really been good about throwing any extra $$$ towards debt, to be rid of it (but also saving about 6 percent of my monthly income, about $100). I just starting saving about 8 months ago, so hat is why my savings is so low. Question: I'd REALLY like to keep being aggressive with paying off this debt. I still plan to keep saving 6% of my monthly (take home)income, but want to put any extra money after that towards debt. What do you think of her advice? Is it good for me? Thanks, and I love your chats!j

P.S. I have an IRA which I rolled over from the 401(k) from my old job, and in Sept, I will be eligible for my company's 403(b) plan, which I will contribute enough to get the match, at minimum.

Michelle Singletary: It's hard to answer this because I have more questions for you and with so many other questions coming in I may not see your response.

So I will say if you are reasonably sure you are secure in your job, save up at least one FULL month's of living expenses and at $1,100 you are almost there. Then save up another $1,000 for what I call the life happens fund -- this for the expenses you haven't planned for (car repair, etc.) so that you don't end up going into more debt to handle the financial crisis.

After you've done that, then I say go for aggressively knocking out that credit card debt.

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Laurel, Md.: Dr. Owens, you seem like someone to ask about the spate mass killers recently, who shoot their whole family, workplace or immigration center.

Is the primary cause of this that our society has defined male roles solely in terms of income, so a man without a job feels like literally a nobody? What makes someone like that think he should take others with him?

Celeste Owens: There is no primary cause for such horrific acts. While there may be similarities, each case is unique to that individual who decided he would end it all for himself and others. I would imagine that such a person is bound by shame and reacting to situations and circumstances from the past that s/he never reconciled.

I'll say to you all, make peace with the past, live in the moment, and anticipate a glorious future.

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Atlanta, Ga.: Thanks for doing these chats -- they're immensely helpful. So, I'm going back to school this fall and getting a PhD. However, I'm planning to continue working part-time at my current job. It's doable, but I may have to cut back my time to 25 or 30 hours a week, which will of course, affect my paycheck. I have a mortgage to pay, and this reduction in salary will make it tough for me to pay my mortgage, meaning the mortgage will eat up about 55% of my paycheck each month. Would a loan modification help? How do I go about doing that? Thanks...!

Michelle Singletary: Or, dare I say it, you put off going back to school untl you've saved up more money.

Seriously.

I know I say this a lot and I know I get criticized a lot for saying it ...but going into debt for this is not wise.

Wait. Save. So that you can go to school, cut back your hours and not worry about the roof over your head.

In your case I'm not sure a loan modification would be approved because you aren't in trouble YET.

And you don't want to get into trouble to get a loan modification.

So wait.

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Laurel, Md.: Thank you Michelle for your advice and insight! I have a question - should you use two incomes to calculate your budget to purchase a home? Or use one income to ensure that if one spouse losing their job, the other can handle the house payment. Background: My husband makes $120K and myself $80K. We save at least 30 percent of income (for retirement and savings). We have no debt. Cars paid in full. Currently, renting an apartment.

Michelle Singletary: It really depends on your and how much security you want.

In this area its tough to qualify on one income and get a decent house in a decent neighborhood.

So how about this. Shop for a home but only get one that uses less than 36 percent of your net pay (the amouunt you take home after taxes). If you were a tither I would say after taxes and tithes.

Under this guideline you could still save a good bit with your salaries and give you some financial security should you have a job loss.

Or you could as I've seen folks do really, really hunt for a home that you could afford on the highest salary. Will be tough in this metro area but with housing prices down not impossible.

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Baltimore, Md.: Michelle, your column today really struck a chord with me, because I think it's very high on the list of "things that are wrong with our society." Not just on the personal level, but in the economy. It seems to me that, since at least the "greed is good" 1980s, the major "contribution" the US has made to the world is newer and "better" financial products. Instead of making useful things, instead of coming up with ideas that help people and improve people's lives, the best and brightest among us have focused their energies on making more money off of money itself. We're not adding any value to the world; we're just taking what is already there and slicing and dicing it different ways, so that even more people can take their cut off the top. We're leeches.

The original idea of a company was to create a product that people would want to buy, because it made their life better or easier somehow. Think electricity, running water, automatic washers and dryers (all things my Granny grew up without). A lot of people got very rich by inventing and marketing good, useful stuff -- and a lot of people made honest livings by fabricating it. Now people get rich by merging or tearing apart companies, coming up with new financial products, and inventing new investment approaches; the value of producing something useful and employing people has become practically irrelevant.

So I say we need a fundamental shift in our thinking. Will the credit card companies be hurt if they can't charge usurious rates? You betcha. Is that a bad thing? Not in the slightest. They're just leeches, let 'em starve. Maybe it will force us to re-shift our focus back to creating and making useful products and services that make people's lives better and easier, instead of how much we can skim off the top.

washingtonpost.com: National Addiction to Easy Credit Remains Consumers' Downfall (Color of Money, May 7)

Michelle Singletary: Oooh, if you were sitting here with me I would give you a high five that would burn your hand.

What you said: AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.

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Pay Cut or Not P.S.: Take the job that pays less if it makes you happier. By being happier, you'll probably be more productive and the higher ups will notice (or their competitors will) and the money will follow!!

Michelle Singletary: Good, good advice.

Just love the support you guys are giving.

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Arlington, Va.: I guess this question is for Dr. Owens: how do you handle a spouse's unemployment?

My husband has been unemployed for a year now. It's so hard to stay positive and to keep encouraging him (he's trying to find work, but our profession got hit hard). My husband gets depressed frequently so I feel like I need to lift him up. But his lack of contribution ($$ and to household maintenance) is really wearing on me. Every time I bring it up he just lowers his head, says I'm right and acts defeated for the rest of the day/week. Help!

Celeste Owens: Umm, he might just have to accept that he is knocking on a closed door. Life is funny and it will send you some curve balls. This just might be the time to reevaluate, and consider a career move. I know, I know, what will he do? Ask him. Has he had a dream that he put on the back burner because he had to bring home the bacon. Well this just might be the time to dust if off and move forward. What does he stand to lose?

On another note, if his depressive episodes are frequent he might consider seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, or other trained professional. Those who are depressed often feel unmotivated, and lack passion (along with many other symptoms).

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Portland, Maine: Beautiful answer to my fellow Mainer from both Michelle and Dr. Owens, but Dr. Owens erred when she said, "You're not every women." I think "North Yarmouth" is a man.

Michelle Singletary: Ah, why you had to mess up such a nice note.

It's hard to tell in these questions who is what, plus we are reading and typing so fast we miss things, make typos, misspell, etc.

Give us grace, okay?

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Springfield, Va.: Hi Celeste! I'm glad you are joining the chat today. My dad is 61 and in mountains of debt but instead of dealing with his problems he's waiting for everything to be solved for him. Worst off, he seems to have slid into a depression over the past few years since losing my mom and he has heart disease and those bills are racking up. I've tried helping with the bills, but stopped after I felt like he wasn't doing enough to solve his own problem. After the Home Foreclosure prevention bill was passed I told him to call his bank to negotiate combining his mortgage and equity loan and getting a lower interest rate. I know he has time to do so, but hasn't done it yet. I've even tried telling him he should consider selling the house, but he won't even consider it. I'm hesitant to do these things for him because I'm afraid I'll be trapped fixing his mistakes for the rest of his life. What would you recommend I do?

Celeste Owens: I am sorry to hear about the death of your mother. It sounds like your Dad is suffering from what might be situational depression. I would encourage you to have him evaluated by a professional. If you learn that that is the case this person will be able to offer you and him some assistance on how to proceed. It sounds like right now he is not in the position (mentally) to tackle his circumstances.

Michelle Singletary: I agree. You may have to take on more than you like. Sorry.

But been there, do done that. Took care of my disabled brother and later helped my grandmother with lots of her money things. It's not that she didn't have money. She just wanted me to handle things because people listened to me and of course I kept up with personal finance stuff like you are doing.

So my dear step in and help your dad. You don't have to get sucked in with money. But go over and help me place the calls to his mortgage company. Sit with him and do it on speaker phone. I work with individuals ALL the time sitting right with them when they make calls to creditors or trying to budget.

He needs you. Give him that help.

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Pleasanton, Calif.: My 21-year-old daughter, who is going to college, living with us, and jobless, is planning on walking away from her $7,500 visa bill. What will her long term repercussions be? Will this have any affect on our credit rating?

Michelle Singletary: Seriously, you are asking about how this will affect her credit rating?

Who gives a rat's behind about that right now?

Okay, I know credit ratings affect how much you pay for credit or insurance or even your ability to get some jobs but you got a bigger problem on your hands.

You have raised a brat. A brat with no moral obligation to pay her debts.

If I were you I make her sit out from college for a semester, get a job and be responsible.

Heck I might even start charging her rent.

Parent.

Now.

Sit down with her and plan out a way for her to pay off that bill or at least call the creditor and negotiate down what she owes or establish a payment plan.

No child of mine would be allowed to just "walk" away from a debt.

Really, she used, eat, enjoyed whatever it was she charged. Somebody works at the companies where she got the services or goods. She should be told that.

I know I'm being harsh but at 21 she's already showing signs of a triflin adult.

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Reston, Va.: Actually, the president and members of Congress ARE trying to return to usury laws that rein in credit card issuers. So far, it's not working" Fed Rejects Request to Help Credit Card Holders

Too bad there are no lobbyists advocating for regular people with credit card debt to be treated fairly. When my dad was terminally ill, he refused to let us take over his finances and his multiple hospitalizations led to a few late payments on credit cards (most of his debt was medical debt). As a result, some of his rates were jacked up as high as 30 percent. That is obscene and simply should not be allowed.

Michelle Singletary: Actually the recent action wasn't about usary laws but a request for the Fed to speed up rules that will go into effect NEXT year. One rule would not allow credit issuers to jack up rates for no reason at all. Unfortunately this may not have helped your dad since he was late.

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Hysttasville, Md.: I recently received a notice from my credit card company that they will be cutting my available credit line from $49,000 to $23,000. I do not have a balance on this or any credit card and have never had a late payment. I would also never need a $49,000 credit line, but am I correct in believing that this cut in credit will hurt my credit score? Is there any way I can fight this if it does hurt my score?

Michelle Singletary: You are incorrect.

Unless you are carrying balances on other similar credit cards your rating should not be hurt.

I wrote about this exact thing recently. Check the archive of my columns.

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Santa Monica, Calif.: Dear Michelle,

A few months ago, my wife and I found out that our infant son has a severe genetic disorder. He will never be able to take care of himself, and he will need personal and medical care for his entire life. Financially, we were prepared for normal, expected costs (like college), but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.

Basically, what sorts of trusts or other instruments should we have in place for our son, so that he will be cared for even after my wife and I are gone? And how should my wife and I prepare for our own financial futures when we know that we will need to put away millions for our son's care (as overwhelming as that number is)?

Michelle Singletary: I'm so, so sorry for your situation.

I actually was in a similar situation with my disabled brother. I set up a trust to help take care of him.

I don't have the time or space to go into all that you need to do what here's how you can start:

-- Find a nonprofit group that caters to your son's illness and get a support network going. The organization will probably had lots of resources for you. My brother had epilepsy and we received tremendous support from a nonprofit.

-- find a good laywer who specializes in creating trust for people with health issues or long-term care issues. Ask around for recommendations. You will need a special needs trust, etc.

-- find a financial planner who also specializes in helping familes such as yours.

I hope this helps.

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Celeste Owens' response to Columbus: I'm sorry, but what you said amounted to "Just cheer up!" As a lifelong struggler with depression, I can tell you that that advice is not only insufficient, it is going to make someone like Columbus, who has reason to be angry and upset, feel worse. What Columbus was asking for was specific advice on actions to take, tools to deal with her anger and frustration, not platitudes. Please come up with actual suggestions.

Celeste Owens: No, I would never say, just cheer up. It it were that simple no one would be depressed. However, what depression does, whether situational or chemical (biological), is hinders an individual from seeing a situation for what it really is. We all have the right to be angry, to cry, to scream, but what next. I am just giving him the what next. I would certainly recommend that he be seen by a pastoral counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist because "just cheer up" never works.

Michelle Singletary: And you do know that you can't counsel people in a chat in an hour with others waiting to get an answer to their question, right?

We do the best we can and I thought she was taking the person to the what next step.

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Rockville, Md.: Hi, I am the beneficiary of an inherited IRA. I need to make my annual minimum distribution withdrawal. What IRA balance do I base the calculation on for the second year's withdrawal?

Michelle Singletary: Actually you may not need to take a distribution this year.

Check my column archives, wrote about this too recently.

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Atlanta, Ga.: What do you do when your job is a failure, your boss treats you like you don't exist and your marriage is in shambles? I have been employed at this company going on 2 years and everyday I am walking on eggshells. My boss is demeaning and insecure. I can't help but to deal with him as he is my direct report. On the other hand, since we've moved here from WI, my marriage has been riding a slippery slope. My husband and I don't even communicate. I am all alone here with no family and friends. I need help. Please help.

Celeste Owens: I can't say it enough, find support. You might consider searching the internet for a support group. Also, although you family and friends are not in close proximity if they were good supports utilize them. You can't do this all by yourself.

Michelle Singletary: And if your husband will go get counseling.

Hey, even if he won't go, you go.

Also, if your work situation is so bad (and I believe you having just helped two friends get away from the boss from hell) maybe you should look for another assignment within the company or outside.

I mean I'm aware unemployment is high but there are still 92 percent of us still working There are still companies hiring.

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Housing Limbo, please help!: Hi Michelle, Love your chats! We are currently in a housing limbo: Expecting our first child any day, just moved into a two-bed rental and trying to sell our one-bed condo. We have LOTS of savings (God-forbid we both lost our jobs, we'd have enough to live on for two years) so thankfully we have a bit of wiggle room to allow for the crossover (mortgage and rent).

The question is: do we start to rent the condo, or do we leave it on the market through the end of the summer or the end of the year? It's a gorgeous place, and over 300 people have visited in the last three months (open houses, we've counted!) and yet we haven't seen a single offer. The price is right -- it's comparable to other units in the neighborhood.What would you advise?

Thanks in advance!

Michelle Singletary: Rent for now. You have a lot going on and the real estate market is terrible.

Take the stress off and save the money. You don't want to deplete your savings while you wait for a buyer AND deal with a new baby.

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Washington, D.C.: This has been great advice from Dr. Owens. I can't think of anyone who is not feeling a jitterish right now. If I can make the recommendation, the American Psychological Association has some good resources to help people cope. Check out www.APAHelpCenter.org.

Michelle Singletary: Thank you on both accords.

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Portland, Maine, again: No worries! I'm a journalist myself, so I hear you about the woes of having to quickly assimilate information.

Michelle Singletary: Ah grace.

Thanks!

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Washington, D.C.: I am so stressed out by this recession. I lost my job 3 months ago, and its been hard to obtain employment ever since. I've applied online, went to temp agencies, job fairs (still to hear apply online), and forwarded my resume to contacts who are still working and asked by word of month. I've been on three interviews and nothing has turned around. I am even willing to take a salary cut and tone down my qualifications. I am on unemployment, and have cut back by moving back home. Also to think I have a B.A. Economics and thought that a college degree would give me job security... Still I was let go. I pray this recession turns around soon... Just venting.

Celeste Owens: Doesn't it feel good to vent sometimes? I hear you. Please don't give up, the right job is waiting for you. You might just need to think out of the box, step out of your comfort zone. You just might run into the perfect something you weren't looking for.

Michelle Singletary: Can I echo Dr. Owens.

Right now I'm helping several people directly who have lost their jobs. Smart folks. Folks with degrees.

One is still searching and things are bad.

But thankfully one just got a GREAT job. A govment' job.

She had lots of rejections too. But she kept the faith.

Things will turn around. Or you may have to turn it around, by doing part-time work, moving (my friend did. She moved in with her sister to save money while you looked for work).

Just keep trying and stay open to any possibility.

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Let him know that the right job is waiting for him but it won't come before it is time for him to receive it. : or maybe a career coach to help him polish his interview skills!

Celeste Owens: Dido! And maybe then the right job will come...

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Silver Spring, Md.: Did you read Marc Fisher's column on Sunday, April 26? It is about a homeless couple that is getting married. Members of their church are donating items and gifts for the wedding. What are your thoughts on this? Thank you!

washingtonpost.com: Couple's Nuptials a Hiatus From Life on the Streets (Marc Fisher, April 26)

Michelle Singletary: I haven't had a chance to read the piece.

Sounds interesting.

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Herndon, Va.: Why 36 percent?

Michelle Singletary: I've researched this and coupled with information from credit counseling groups, housing expects, financial planners, have found keeping our housing expense below 36 percent of net pay gives you breathing room to save, invest and service any debt you may have.

Now if your rent/mortgage is higher than that then you have to cut -- deeply -- elsewhere.

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San Lorenzo, Calif.: Michelle, I just received a letter from my VISA issuer letting me know they have reduced my credit line. It was reduced to an amount below my current balance; this creates an overage; is this OK? is there anything I can do when I talk to them about this?

Michelle Singletary: You can call and beg the company to change. But my friend this is happening to a lot of folks.

The other thing you can do is pay down the card to get below that limit now. I mean really aggressively get rid of the debt. I'm sorry I can't really offer more but these companies are really hurting people by these changes and not much any of us can tell you to do but to pay off the card and kick them to the curb -- the dogs!

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Lorton, Va.: Michelle, Your topic today is the mental aspects of today's situation and I think MasterCard (Sears) is trying to make me go insane. I just found out today, thanks to some sleuthing on my account, that if you make a regular purchase on your card, then the grace period for paying the bill is 28 days. BUT if you make a purchase with a special offer such as "no interest for 12 months", then the grace period automatically is cut to 20 days. I may not be paranoid (yet) but I do live inside the Beltway so conspiracy theories abound and I am convinced that this is done in order to get customers to miss the payment date and to void the special promotion. These are the predatory practices of the Credit Card industry that need to cease immediately.

Michelle Singletary: See, dogs!

Oh sorry that's an insult to dogs. Dogs can be loving, kind supportive.

My bad.

Oh what could I call them? E-mail me and you tell me.

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Urbana, Md.: Hi Michelle and Celeste! Just a quick note: Michelle -- great article in Food this week! Loved your story of your journey to embrace cooking for your family. I have always loved to cook for my family. A long tradition of love and comfort from my Italian grandmothers. But also an economic point: we incorporate "depression-era" recipes like chocolate cake w/no eggs, more vegetarian dishes w/beans & rice. Working with less money at the grocery is a challenge, but if you love to cook it is fun to take on the challenge and you never know what great recipes you will come up with!

washingtonpost.com: If Big Mama Could See Me Now (Michelle Singletary, May 6)

Michelle Singletary: How nice, thanks.

And love your idea.

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Gainesville, Va.: Michelle - I'm sorry I missed your Live chat earlier today about chicken and dumplings. Hope this gets to you. I feel like I know Big Mama from your stories. Thanks for keeping her alive. I keep my Tiny White Mama alive by making her recipes. South of here (N.C.) they call Chicken and Dumplings "Chicken and Pastry". Although none of us have the time to make pastry strips from scratch any more a company called "Annie's" makes them and you can find them in the frozen bread section of some stores in this area. They are made in N.C. and there is even a Bible verse on the bright red/yellow box. Big Mama would have liked that. So, boil up some turkey thighs or chicken thighs (more flavor in dark meat) and cool overnight so you can skim off the grease. Don't forget salt and lots of pepper or it will have no taste. Then follow the directions on the box. Bring the broth to a boil, add more salt and pepper, and add the pastry strips one at a time so they don't stick. Cover and cook by directions and add shredded turkey for the last 10 minutes. My Mama added a bag of butter beans (baby lima beans) while it boiled and it was a meal in a pot. If your husband isn't pleased, I'll be surprised. My son, now 27, will come over any time he knows I'm making this old favorite. When your children get older you'll realize the importance of that. Happy eating!

- Elizabeth

washingtonpost.com: Wednesday's Food Discussion: Free Range on Food

Michelle Singletary: Cool. Thanks. Been getting a lot of people sending me recipes.

I so apprieciate that. I'm going to try some and find just the one that will make my husband give me regular foot massages.

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Off the streets and down the aisle: A congregation's donations give a homeless couple brief respite from their troubles with a traditional wedding. I viewed the gallery online, I don't know if an article was with it.

I don't know what to say. It's a nice thing to do, however, a dress, a tux? They have no house, no shelter, food. Priorities, anyone?

They could have easily had a wedding on the cheap, I'm sure the church wanted to see them married. But the donations could have gone to other much needed areas in the couple's life. Really start them off right, with a party next year celebrating their accomplishments.

Michelle Singletary: Interesting. As I said I have to read it myself before commenting.

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thanks: I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the Food section article about Michelle and her family. I will be trying your recipe soon! Here's my question for Michelle. We are almost done paying off one credit card, but due to unexpected health expenses have about $1500 on another card. We're also trying to pay down my car loan faster. Would you put extra money towards the credit cards (one 0 percent, one 9.9 percent) or the car loan (3.9 percent)? We're hoping to be completely clear of these debts by the end of the year! Thanks as always for your straight forward talk.

Michelle Singletary: I would pay down the debt with the lowest balance first.

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Michelle Singletary: Folks I'm already 16 minutes over and have to finish my Sunday column.

You guys have just been so thoughtful and the questions so sad, tough, enlightening. I'm so, so sorry if I didn't get to your question. But Dr. Owens said she will answer more. I'll either print her answers (and more of mine) in my print column or eletter. So look both places. You have to subscribe to the eletter.

So can I just say, I'm going to pray for you all. Even if you don't believe in prayer, I'm going to do it anyway for you. It's tough right now. I feel your pain. I have friend and family going thu this too. I'm working with people trying to get them get thu this.

Just help anyone if you can. Don't enable. But help. Give a hug. Cook a dinner. Pay a bill. Share your blessings.

Most of all as Dr. Owens said remember this too shall pass.

I wish you all well and that your troubles -- if any -- end soon or at least you find a way to deal with it without losing your mind.

Take care.

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