John Kelly's Washington: Hairdressers, Graduation Speeches, Mortality

Post Metro columnist John Kelly was online Friday, May 8, at Noon ET to chat about hairdressers, graduation speeches and our inevitable mortality.

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John Kelly: Greetings on this sunny Friday, a sunny Friday sure to devolve into thunderstorms just about when it's time for me to leave the office.

Yes, the

drought is over

. Hurrah. The problem for me, however, is that I haven't mowed my front lawn in over two weeks. And I haven't mowed my back yard since last year. I was away for a few weekends and since I got back it's rained every day. I'm waiting for a delegation to come from the neighbors.

What I need are some sheep, just two or three tied to stakes in the front yard, grazing away. Are there places that rent sheep? It's probably illegal in my neighborhood to own sheep, but surely I could have a few for a couple of hours.

In other news,

hackers are holding Virginia's prescription drug information for ransom

. How ridiculous is that? Can't these hackers spend their time doing something else, like developing a low-calorie donut or something?

Or figuring out the secret to eternal life? No, I wouldn't want that. I blogged earlier this week about our obsession--especially in the Washington area--with

living forever

. I'm convinced it's why we panic at the sight of suspicious packages or the chance of swine flu. Surely there's a healthier response. What's your idea?

i don't think that message--you're all going to die, every lat one of you--would go over very well as a high school commencement message. But come up with a message I must, when I

speak at a graduation

next month. Who spoke at your graduation? How'd they go over?

Whatever I say, I'll be saying it with

a new haircut

, courtesy of a new hair cutter. Unless you cut your own hair--as

Joaquin Phoenix

must do--you'll someday have to change barbers. My current haircut's probably good for another three weeks, then I'm in the market. How have you dealt with this unsettling certainty?

The time to chat is now.

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Libertyville, USA: Greetings, John, my friend. What are your plans for this weekend. Remember it is Mother's Day, don't 'cha know!

John Kelly: Yikes, Mother's Day, again?! My Lovely Wife, mother to my two beautiful children, has said she doesn't want any presents. Instead, she wants hard, physical labor. I see mulching in my weekend. And weeding. And picking up sticks. My daughters will be forced to bleach some exterior walls, which are painted white but are green with mold.

As for my sainted mother, I will call her. She's going away for the weekend so I fear flowers would just whither on her doorstep.

Hey, you mothers out there, tell us what you REALLY like on Mother's Day. Breakfast in bed? Diamond earrings? Your figure back?

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Boyds, Md.: John, my good man. I distinctly recall your wearing a red plaid hat one day last winter, while riding the Metro. I believe it had "ear flaps" to protect your ears from freezing on especially cold and inclement days.

John Kelly: Perhaps you have black/plaid colorblindness. I have a black, semi-Soviet hat that I occasionally wear in the depths of winter. It has ear flaps. But I definitely don't have a red plaid one.

The only drawback of the furry Soviet hat is that it creates an incredible amount of static electricity. When I take it off it's as if I

french-kissed a Van de Graff generator

. You could power a small city.

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Chapel Hill, N.C.: What do you think of the tradition of universities doling out honorary degrees to graduation speakers? Oprah Winfrey seems to pick up a new one every year. This year Duke University will give her an honorary doctor of humane letters degree at the commencement ceremony.

John Kelly: I think it's ridiculous and I will continue to think so until I get one, then I will think it's a very good way to honor someone for a life devoted to bettering our world. I will also start requiring everyone to use my new honorific. I will make restaurant reservations under the name "Dr. John Kelly." I will allow old friends to call me "Dr. John."

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Bowie, Md.: I was valedictorian of my HS and spoke at graduation. My speech was pretty bad, and I want to apologize to everyone I bored.

The speaker at my U of Maryland graduation was the late Carl Rowan who did a really good job.

John Kelly: Most of the readers I'm hearing from say they can't remember what their high school graduation speaker said. And many of those can't even remember who it was. Exceptions have included Jesse Jackson (leading the audience in a chant seems to make an impression) and Bob Woodward, who spoke at a MoCo high school (Whitman, I think) right after Watergate.

I'm also getting a lot of advice on what I should say in my address to the Blake graduates. Heck, I can just cut and paste and I'll be done. However, I'm not sure all the advice is good. A lot of people--myself included, until not long ago--feel the speaker should offer words of advice and instruction. It struck me that the kids have just spent four years--13 years if you start at kindergarten--getting advised and instructed. What am I gonna say in 10 minutes that will do them any good?

"Don't be boring," seems the best recommendation.

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New York, N.Y.: Your hairdresser column was great. When I first moved from D.C. to San Francisco, I returned to D.C. just about every 6 weeks ("on business", for a year, to get my hair cut. Then I moved from S.F. to New York and did the same thing. But now, Steve (from Soloman's on 96th/Columbus) and I are starting (another) long-term relationship. But don't tell his wife.

washingtonpost.com: Not Just a Haircut, a Relationship (Post, May 5)

John Kelly: Wow, now that's commitment. Those haircuts must have had some of the largest carbon footprints in history. Good luck with Steve. I've talked to women who've said that, yes, the hairdresser is important, often more important the boyfriend, but the REALLY important hair care figure is the colorist. Apparently a good colorist is worth traveling cross country for.

(The thing I don't understand is the current--though it appears to be waning--affection for sort of tiger-striped hair. You know know what I'm talking about? Those alternating blond and light brown streaks, a little less than an inch wide? What's up with that?)

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Commencement addresses: At my college graduation, the speaker went on and on, and at one point even said, "I could stop here" and then DIDN'T. He definitely should have.

John Kelly: I'm looking at the list of college commencement speakers from The Post today. There's Steve Case at George Mason, Gwen Ifill at Howard, Leon Panetta at UMD College Park.... The Corcoran probably has the best one: Tim Gunn from "Project Runway."

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Laurel, Md.: John, since you're someone who takes a lot of short trips, can you suggest...

What's a good substitute for shaving cream, for a one-time emergency?

John Kelly: A beard.

No, I've used conditioner before and it worked. Modern razors have so many bells and whistles--all those blades, that little "moisturizing" strip--you could probably use peanut butter and it would be fine.

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D.C. alphabet: John, how's the alphabet project coming? Can you give us loyal fans an update (and, well, a reminder)?

John Kelly: The alphabet project, like the lost glove project, is pretty much stuck at the starting blocks. Like an annoying girlfriend, I think I sometimes ask too much of you.

I'm not sure I set any deadlines, so let's make it May 29 for both of them. And then I can just let them quietly die.

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Arlington, Va.: Eek - having a college commencement speech flash back when the speaker was some ye olde physicist who had to be assisted by two professors to the podium. All we focused on was whether he was going to remain upright during his speech. Don't remember one word. Will staying upright be a challenge for you in this regard?

John Kelly: I'll wait till AFTER the speech to hit the sauce. At least you have a memory, even it is of a doddering old man. I guess the laws of physics applied to him, too.

I imagine high school kids just want to get those ridiculous gowns off and head out to party. Anything or anyone who stands in their way will be despised.

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Most of the readers I'm hearing from say they can't remember what their high school graduation speaker said.: I don't either, but I remember who he was. Gerald Ford. (His son Steve went to T.C. Williams High.) I can't imagine what security would be like for that to happen today.

John Kelly: Wow, that's cool. I'm willing to wager Obama will do one before his term is out. He's doing Arizona State, right?

As a print journalist I bristle at how common it is for high schools to get TV journalists, usually local weathermen or sportscasters. But the fact is they're probably very good performers and a good commencement speech is a performance.

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Undisclosed cube: John,

I thought you would like to know that I, a faithful reader, have returned safely from London without being run over. I didn't believe it would end that way, I had some close calls. But overall I triumphed. Except that I still have no idea which way to look for traffic over there.

John Kelly: Yes, eternal vigilance is the only way to go. You never know from which direction death might come from.

I'm glad you survived. We can't afford to lose a single subscriber.

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Springfield, Va.: I'm a mother of two daughters, 24 and 22 respectively and what I'd like most for Mother's day is simple. I love to cook -- they have both moved out. I love it if they just come share dinner with us. I've also told them for years that they could write a story -- suggested storyline "What my Mother means to me". They have never done that though. I'm still waiting. Perhaps my punishment of making them write essays when they were little and in trouble to "get out of trouble" has had far reaching consequences and they just don't like writing essays!

John Kelly: That's a twist. Usually you think mom wants the day off. But if you love messing around in the kitchen I can see why you'd want an appreciative audience.

The essay is a great idea. My mother actually asked me to write one for her a few years ago. Even though that's what I do all day, it was hard. A lot of what children feel for their mothers can't be put into words. It looks silly when you try to capture it on the page. A better thing might be to ask them to write down some of their memories of growing up with you as their mother. Then they can stick to events, facts, etc., without having to translate their feelings. And their feelings will probably come through anyway.

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Washington, D.C.: John, when I was a correspondent covering the Middle East and Eastern Europe in the '90s, I made a point of getting my hair cut in as many countries as possible.

In Sarajevo I went to an upscale salon that was a refuge from the war-torn city outside (and paid in German marks). In Tirana they sprayed something from an aerosol can on the back of my neck afterwards. My translator said it was disinfectant. Which was needed -- why? In Palestine the barber had a cage of song birds hanging by the window.

In Northern Virginia most of the regular barbers (as opposed to fanchy-schmantzy stylists) seem to be Vietnamese, though there are some Arab hair cutters, for those who want a right-to-left trim.

John Kelly: I like the idea of going to a different place for every haircut, sampling different methods, hearing different stories. I wouldn't like the duds, not in what they did to my hair necessarily, but what their interpersonal skills were like. For instance, I can't stand cab drivers who don't like to talk. I feel if you drive a cab you should be required to carry on a conversation with your passenger if he wants it. Same with barbers/hairdressers.

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Picky: Re: Undisclosed cube -- just said "faithful reader", not "subscriber." So you never know, the safe return from London might not have saved a subscriber. Just sayin'...

John Kelly: Ah, if he's just a reader I have this advice for walking in England: "Look left."

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Graduation, SP: I had Art Buchwald speak at my high school graduation -- he stood on stage and told us how nothing we learned in books would actually help us in life and that school was overrated. It was actually an excellent speech -- will never forget it. Queen Noor and John Davis speak at my college graduation -- Queen Noor was a bore (talking about globalization), but John Davis was amazing talking about his youth and struggle and how we should all strive for excellence and equality no matter what we do. And that year Margaret Thatcher made a surprise visit. I was so excited by Thatcher that I don't remember what she said, but I'm sure it was awesome!

John Kelly: John Davis from Maryland Public Television's "MotorWeek"? Or is there another John Davis?

I saw Buchwald speak a few times and he was always hilarious. His column stopped being funny about 1972 but in person he was a riot.

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John Kelly: A reader just e-mailed a great suggestion for the DC alphabet project: geotag the entries so we could display them on a map. That's a cool idea. Back now to our regularly scheduled chat.

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Cheating on your chat: Hi John, I'll admit that I usually toggle back and forth between your chat and Ms. Hax's on Fridays at noon. Well, she had her chat yesterday! So, now, I am left posing my issue to you.

My MIL believes Mother's Day should be about her. So my husband (and his dad and brother) make a big to-do about it with dinner reservations, presents, etc. They spend the entire day with her. I get nothing because as my husband so eloquently put it, "You're not my mother". Well, I hardly expect my one-year-old to make any grand plans (though his smile and laugh are all I need), but I feel I should expect something from my husband. Am I expecting too much??

Thanks John! I love my hairdresser and will never ever leave her.

John Kelly: Tough one. I'll throw this out to the chatsters out there. But I think your husband has some learning to do. It's true you're not his mother (unless his name is Oedipus) but being a father, even of a 1-year-old, means he is required to celebrate Mother's Day with his wife. You're not expecting too much.

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John Kelly: Wow, that's cool. I'm willing to wager Obama will do one before his term is out. He's doing Arizona State, right? : Um, if you read to the bottom of the list of local speakers you just linked to, you'd see this:

U.S. Naval Academy 10 a.m. May 22 Speaker: President Obama

John Kelly: What I mean is, I bet he does a local high school. I bet even now Sidwell Friends is hoping to get him.

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Alexandria, Va.: I don't think we had a HS graduation speaker. I only remember the student speaker.

As for college, when I was supposed to graduate, it was G.H.W. Bush. But when I did graduate that summer it was somebody else. I played in the orchestra -- went for the beginning, left for tacos, came back for the end, and got paid $150.

Second degree was Kay Hutchison, did the same as the first one (great to get paid to not have to go to all of graduation).

Law school was some lawyer, but that year the Texas public policy speaker was G.H.W Bush standing in for Lady Bird Johnson at the last minute. I saw some of it on TV and it was pretty funny -- he said that now that he's not pres anymore, he just gets second seat to all the first ladies -- Johnson and his wife...

John Kelly: I wonder what people would think if I said, "Rather than deliver a traditional speech, I would like instead to convey my feelings through the medium of modern dance."

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Alphabet project: Sorry...I would love to help you with the Alphabet project, but I live in the Maryland suburbs and don't get in town very often. If you wanted to include the entire Metro area, then I could help out, but as it's the Washington alphabet project...good luck.

John Kelly: I don't mean just D.C. When I say "Washington" I mean the whole shooting match. It's just that we have no handy language to denote that, no "tri-state area" or anything. So if you see something catchy, please feel free to snap and send.

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So my husband (and his dad and brother) make a big to-do about it with dinner reservations, presents, etc.: His dad? Why your FIL? She's not his mother? Has that question been posed to your husband? As in, "Honey, your dad honors your mom but I feel hurt because you don't seem to honor me"

John Kelly: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Her husband needs to do what his father does, not what his mother wants him to do.

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My MIL believes Mother's Day should be about her. : Ugh. I wish Hax could respond to this cause all I can think is JERKS!

John Kelly: It does sound horrible, doesn't it, like some perversion of "Cinderella": "Honey, I'm going over to my mother's now. Dad, my brother and I are taking her to brunch then for a walk through Brookside Gardens and then we're watching family movies until we make her dinner. Don't wait up."

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HS Commencement: I don't remember the name of our speaker. He was a state level politician, I think. (Hylton, PWC, Va., '98). He spoke FOREVER. Quoted the entire lyric from The Cat's in the Cradle or whatever that terrible country song is called. The only time we cheered was when he said "in conclusion."

I liked the commencement speech given in "Grey's Anatomy" last night.

John Kelly: Obviously the way to start is by saying, "In conclusion..." I wonder if I can learn to ride a unicycle between now and then?

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Rockville, Md.: Look up Will Ferrel's commencement speech at Harvard from a few years back -- hilarious. Probably can't be topped.

washingtonpost.com: Will Ferrell Commencement Speech at Harvard, Part 1 of 5 (YouTube)

John Kelly: I'll just bring my laptop and prop it on the podium: "Can everybody see this? It's Will Ferrell on YouTube."

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she wants hard, physical labor. I see mulching in my weekend. : This is what my mother asks for every year. One year we had a chainsaw party; she'd had a big oak taken down and sectioned, and we who had fireplaces and wood stoves split & cut up the sections to divide among ourselves.

John Kelly: Actually, my mother would probably like that too. She's really into her garden although she might worry that we'd trample stuff. And she likes to cook. She likes expensive restaurants too. Good think she's in North Carolina and I'm up here.

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Laurel guy: Now that I have passed the 20th reunion of my college graduation, the distant memories of my HS graduation have faded with my oncoming senility. I do remember that Mario Cuomo spoke at my college graduation. He was "meh." I had a friend who graduated a few years later from JHU SAIS in D.C. and then-Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright spoke and she was a fantastic speaker. It was interesting to be sitting in a school auditorium with obvious Secret Service men standing around the edges of the room and around each doorway. I remember at least a couple who were indoors and still didn't take off their dark sunglasses. And the dark suits and the obvious cords running from their suit coats to their ear headsets (in the pre-cell phone/Borg-like Bluetooth headset days) made it pretty obvious who they were.

John Kelly: I think they wear those glasses so you don't know whether they're looking at you. The idea is to keep you guessing.

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Shaving without cream: Just get your face good and wet with hot soapy water and you'll be fine -- shave right after, or at the end of, your shower.

John Kelly: Thank you.

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Arlington, Va.: On shaving without the shaving cream. About 30 years ago, there was an article in the Post that made the case for shaving in the shower with just soap and hot water. The theory is that the cream keeps your face moist but so does hot water. I have saved so much in the cost of shaving cream since then that I could afford the Post when it raised its price to seventy-five cents.

John Kelly: But don't you need a mirror? That's why I could never shave in the shower. I'd cut my nose off.

Of course, we're assuming that the person who wrote in is a man. She may be a woman, in which case I got nothing.

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The Cat's in the Cradle or whatever that terrible country song is called.: COUNTRY SONG?!?

John Kelly: I think he meant "terrible country" song, not terrible "country song." He must hate America.

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Burke, Va.: Back in 1977 the high school administrators at Lake Braddock got very upset when we selected Linda Lovelace and Marilyn Chambers to be our graduation speakers. John Holmes was speaking elsewhere. Instead we got some boring dude no one can remember.

John Kelly: Yeah, I can't see Linda Lovelace or Marilyn Chambers going down well with school administrators.

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Best Grad Speech ever: was when I graduated college. We had a new president that year and somehow she was never informed that she was supposed to pick the speaker. So she gets up on stage and says, "I was supposed to get the speaker. I didn't. So instead, you get me. And I know you hate these things, so congratulations, do some good in the world, and now we'll hand out dipolmas!"

John Kelly: I was surprised how many high schools I called this week hadn't yet picked a speaker. If I was smart, I'd write one killer 10-minute speech and advertise my availability. Then I'd just recycle it year after year after year.

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Greenbelt, Md.: I remember by HS Grad speaker (Gaithersburg 81):

The Post's Richard Cohen. Still columning 27 years later.

John Kelly: Good for him. He's like the Energizer Bunny.

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Commencement speakers: Don't remember high school -- or grad school -- but college was memorable for who did NOT speak. The seniors got to suggest who they wanted -- and the overwhelming choice was Gary Trudeau (creator of Doonesbury). The school, however, sent the invitation to Pierre Trudeau (Prime Minister of Canada). The mistake hit the press -- Pierre declined, and it was too late to try to invite Gary -- so one of the professors stepped in with your basic boring graduation speech.

John Kelly: Would you have settled for Margaret Trudeau?

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Alexandria, Va.: William F. Buckley, Jr. spoke at my college graduation. We stood with our backs to him in protest. Not quite sure why, I think we were against Reagan.

John Kelly: ..who funnily enough had been dead for three years.

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He must hate America. : SHE does not hate America. It's not a country song? In my head the male singer has a distinct twang.

John Kelly: Ah, careful there. I think of it as a quintessential 1970s story song. Songs back then had plots. What's being thrown off the Tallahatchee Bridge? What the heck actually happened the night the lights went out in Georgia? For a while there AM radio was like an episode of "The Rockford Files."

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Shaving cream: "you could probably use peanut butter and it would be fine"

Yeah, but just make sure it's not crunchy PB -- dulls the blade.

John Kelly: But good for the skin, like a sea salt scrub.

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Cats in the Cradle: Congressman Frank Wolf

It cannot be stressed enough how awful this was. He did the whole song -- every verse, every chorus (every time). By the third verse no one was paying any attention to him, instead just chatting amongst themselves.

How do people with such a tin ear for a crowd get elected to anything?

John Kelly: I guess I should rethink my plans to recite the lyrics to "American Pie."

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RE: John Davis: John Lewis, the Rep. from Georgia! I was writing so quickly I typed the wrong name!

John Kelly: Oh good. I can't imagine John Davis being that scintillating.

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Springfield, Va.: Just an update, same mom here with essay choice...my most prized Mother's Day present is, in fact, a memory jar. My youngest daughter (then 16 I believe) took a mason jar, decorated it and put little snips of paper upon which she wrote favorite childhood memories. I liked that idea so much that when she went away to college, I returned the favor and gave her a memory jar...she moved out last weekend and I saw that she still keeps that jar by her bedside.

John Kelly: That's a lovely idea. I might ask my daughters to do the same.

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Pennsylvania: This is my first Mother's Day!

Unfortunately, it's also my first Mother's Day without my own mother (who died shortly after my baby was born). So it will be a bittersweet day.

What would I like most? To spend the day with my mom and my baby. But I can't have that, so I'll settle for a cheeseburger with family. A picnic would be nice.

(Although I do have a hankering for diamond earrings. But I'm not holding my breath on that one!)

John Kelly: Sorry to hear about your mom. You can tell your baby about her. And congratulations on being a mom. The beat goes on...

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Centreville, Va.: Perhaps you could use the Dumbledore method of speaking: thank everyone for being there; say you have a few words for them; throw out three random nouns; then finish with, "In conclusion, life is short -- don't be boring." You may get bonus points if you can work in some vague warnings and dire prophecies, but try to keep that under 30 seconds.

John Kelly: I'll bring my sorting hat.

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Vienna, Va.: John,

Obama is speaking at Notre Dame this year. Have you not heard of the controversy?

ND grad

John Kelly: That's right. And the controversy at Arizona is that they're not giving him an honorary degree, since those are reserved for people who have a body of work and accomplishments behind them.

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Not that it's any of our business but : I'd love to know what that family does on Father's Day. Do they all congregate around dad and shower him with an all day attention-a-thon? Or does the husband expect to be feted?

John Kelly: Perhaps we'll hear in June. I have pretty simple tastes, myself. I just want a seven-course meal, followed by the presentation of new stereo equipment and a foot rub.

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Shaving cream substitute: I need to use fragrance-free products since my wife is allergic to many chemical fragrances. It's very hard to find FF shaving cream. So I started using skin lotion (in my case, I use Lubriderm)...it's actually been much better for my facial skin than most of the shaving cream products out there. I love it and won't go back.

John Kelly: I am continually amazed by the information that is transmitted during my chat. This is the glory of the Internet.

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MIL seniority: Just a thought to the poster: Fast forward 35 years, would you be supportive if your son abandons you on Mother's Day to spend it with his wife?

Nobody gets the window office their first day. She's been his mom his whole life; in the grand scheme of things, you just started yesterday.

John Kelly: Yeah, but maybe they should have a joint event, focusing on the two mothers. Unless the junior mother doesn't want to be recognized with someone else. Maybe we need a Mother's Day and a Wife's Day.

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McLean, Va.: George Tenet spoke at my high school graduation. He talked about the environment being the biggest concern/threat facing our generation, and warned that water issues will be the cause of upcoming conflicts.

It was a very inspiring speech, and I'm now working with an environmental NGO... I guess in some ways, his speech inspired me to get into the field I'm in!

John Kelly: An "environmental NGO"? Sure. We know you're really working deep cover for the Agency.

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they're not giving him an honorary degree, since those are reserved for people who have a body of work and accomplishments behind them.: ahahahahahahahaha

John Kelly: I'm serious. That's pretty much what they said. I think they're embarrassed by it and are going to give him an ASU visor or something instead.

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Alphabet Project: Sort of a similar idea -- love this project too:

How To: Make a Perpetual Photo Wall Calendar (Apartment Therapy)

John Kelly: I'll take a look. Thanks!

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Graduation Speech: Lead with "Richard Cory" by Edwin Arlington Robinson.

Richard Corey

It'll get their attention, and anything after it has to be an upper.

John Kelly: Well that's nice and cheery. I think I'd be wrestled from the stage.

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Pennsylvania: The valedictorian of my class (Oakton High School) refused to make a speech, saying he couldn't be bothered. I don't remember if we had another speaker. I imagine not -- there were 700 of us graduating and it took forever.

John Kelly: I hope they took his valediction away. Which can be painful.

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Cat's in the Cradle: Wiki has it as a "folk rock" song - is that really THAT different than country?

John Kelly: Quick, someone go change "folk rock" to "country."

(I think folk rock is closer than country, but I really think it's just a 70s pop song--not that there's anything wrong with that. I have a thing for "Seasons in the Sun" and "Billy Don't Be a Hero.")

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Obviously the way to start is by saying, "In conclusion..." : LOL LOL LOL great idea

John Kelly: In conclusion...

And I really mean it. Thanks for stopping by to chat today. If you have a mother, wish her well this weekend. If you are a mother, congratulations. I expect to hear back next week from the Mom with the MIL.

After a quick lunch I'm raising Answer Man from his absinthe-induced stupor to write Sunday's column. And don't forget that the blog never goes away.

That's all for now.

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