Chatological Humor: Grammatically Speaking; Late-Term Abortion (Updated 6.5.09)

aka Tuesdays With Moron

Daily Updates: WED | THURS | FRI

Gene Weingarten's humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in The Washington Post magazine. It is syndicated nationally by the Washington Post Writers Group.

At one time or another, Below the Beltway has managed to offend persons of both sexes as well as individuals belonging to every religious, ethnic, regional, political and socioeconomic group. If you know of a group we have missed, please write in and the situation will be promptly rectified. "Rectified" is a funny word.

On Tuesdays at noon, Gene is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is updated regularly throughout the week, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

This Week's Poll

Important, secret note to readers: The management of The Washington Post apparently does not know this chat exists, or it would have been shut down long ago. Please do not tell them. Thank you.

Weingarten is also the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death," co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca and "Old Dogs: Are the Best Dogs," with photographer Michael S. Williamson.

New to Chatological Humor? Read the FAQ.

P.S. If composing your questions in Microsoft Word please turn off the Smart Quotes functionality or use WordPad. I haven't the time to edit them out. -- Liz

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.

My column on Sunday, which described Twitter as a playground for boring people with banal lives and insatiable appetites for drivel, resulted, perhaps predictably, in my getting 150 new "followers."

These are some of my tweets since I wrote the column three weeks ago:

I wonder if anyone has ever tried maraschino cherries on a hamburger.

If people had dewclaws we'd NEVER use them to pick our noses.

If all Twitter users were laid end to end, east to west from Boston, they'd stretch to Buffalo, N.Y. West to east, most would drown.

I think "Twitter" and "Tweets" are too macho-sounding. This site should be called "Flounce" and postings should be "Simpers."

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The Clip of the Day is this incredible act by Steve Martin, as The Great Flydini. This embarrasses me, but I watched the whole thing without knowing how he did it. Rachel Manteuffel got it in seconds, possibly because she is an actor, but also possibly because I am a moron. It's great theater.

Okay, Liz just got it in two minutes and seventeen seconds. I am a moron. Also, judging from Liz's reasoning, there is a male-female factor at play here, too. We will discuss during the chat.

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The Runner-Up Clip of the Day is this, from Sarah Angerer.

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I discovered this on my own and cannot vouch for its accuracy. I'd love your opinion on whether it is real, because, man, I hope so.

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Oh, and finally The Onion cartoonist gets something right!

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Lessee, please take today's poll, which I admit is nitpicky and pedantic. All of these word usages were chosen to illustrate the same thing: Stupidities that have worked their way into the common lexicon, perhaps acceptably, perhaps not. I will say that your general willingness to accept language laxity surprises me, but your distinctions about the severity of these offenses is right on target. I will shortly be deconstructing these into a continuum of evil.

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Tragically, I am going to discontinue the Brand New Comic Re-Captioning Feature because reader submissions have fallen to... one. Fortunately, we can go out with a bang, so to speak, since Horace LaBadie is really good. Here is the original Pearls and here is the re-caption.

Okay, let's go.

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Arlington, Va.: If you saw a baby (Lets say 6 months old) about to be killed by someone brandishing a knife and you had a gun ... would you shoot?

If this guy believed that Tiller was killing babies why are we as a soceity surprised he took matters into his own hands? If he came before what he believes to be God would that God approve of what he did?

Gene Weingarten: If I believed you were killing babies, is it okay to kill you?

I don't think we as a society are at all surprised this guy took matters into his own hands. We should be appalled, but not surprised. There have always been dangerous, self-righteous zealots.

I don't think there's a valid debate here, as there might be with, say, John Brown. See next post.

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Not Fun, NY: Gene,

My sister works closely with Dr. Tiller, and now we are all more frightened. She has been flooded with letters from women who had late term abortions and is just overwhelmed by the weight of this. Why don't journalists describe late-term abortions for what they are? Not women who decide eight months in that they don't want a kid. It's women who learn that the child only has 1/3 of a brain, or no internal organs. Women who learn that going full term will mean their child will suffer for an hour to a day after birth before dying. Women who PLANNNED their pregnancies. Often, they have funerals.

Why don't people know about this? Why don't reporters talk about this?

Gene Weingarten: Because there is no rationality in this discussion.

Here is a good story about one such case

.

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Monkey County: I don't like twitter. The few tweets I've read totally fail to attract my interest. Not a big myspace/facebook fan either. If my friends want me to know something, they can call, email, or visit. But I strongly considered joining twitter just to follow your tweets. The parody was great, and the utter banality is just perfect. My favorite was the dog eye boogers, as it was both adorable and utterly disgusting.

Gene Weingarten: Oh, that reminds me. An excellent parody of Twitter is on the web; I linked to it in an update some weeks ago. Liz, can you re-link? It is searchable on youtube as Twitter parody... a cartoon.

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Alexandria, VA: The clip you posted in the updates with Freddie and the Dreamers singing "I'm Telling You Now" made me grateful that there were no wireless microphones in the 1960s. That Jerry Lewis-like choreography could have been even more frantic had Freddie not been tethered to that cord.

As it is, I recall the Freddie being danced with each arm alternately raised in the air, which would have been impossible while carrying a hand mike.

Gene Weingarten: Well, they didn't have wireless mikes, but they had lip-synching! This is Freddie with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello.

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Long Beach, Calif.: My uncle, who used to travel constantly for business, devised a non-confrontational yet foolproof method for causing the person sitting in front of him to stop reclining their seat.

1. Order a drink.

2. Dip fingers in the drink.

3. Utter loud "ACHOO! and simultaneously:

4. Flick droplets onto reclining passenger's forehead.

The offender will immediately return their seatback to the fully upright position.

washingtonpost.com: This reminds me of a former co-worker who would purposely spill soda on the seat in front of him at a movie theater to prevent anyone from sitting there and blocking his view.

Gene Weingarten: I would not call either of these exactly non-confrontational.

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washingtonpost.com: Twouble with Twitters

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Not A Twitt, ER: I saw that David Lynch was on Twitter, and thought, this will be great. This is what Twitter was made for: frequent spurts of wisdom from a zen master. But I was disappointed - even his tweets are more prosaic than pretty much anything I've ever heard him say.

I consider it a mitigating factor that when he has nothing to say, he tweets the weather report.

I bet Twitter's done by Christmas.

Gene Weingarten: By and large, the famous people who are on Twitter seem to be using it cynically, to advance their "brand," and many actually hire serfs to tweet for 'em. It's really crap.

John Cleese tweets links to his Web site, in which he is sometimes paid to flog products.

Crap.

washingtonpost.com: Are Celebrities Ruining Twitter?, (April 27)

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Not Fun, NY: This is from Steven Mufson's article in today's post:

"In 1955, the GM empire included 514,000 employees in 119 plants in 65 cities in 19 states... Yesterday the company entered bankruptcy with just 88,000 U.S. employees, ... the entire U.S. auto industry will sell only slightly more cars in 2009 than it did in the mid-50s..."

I think people are missing the really big question. How come the same volume of car sales supported 500K employees in the 1950's but can't support 88K employees today? I don't have an answer but I want one.

I am sure the left will tell us it is because CEOs are making too much. I am sure the right will tell us it is because the unions cost too much. I am also sure that they are both equally right, wrong, and incomplete in their answers.

Gene Weingarten: Might the answer be simple: More robots, fewer people?

I took a tour of a Detroit Ford plant some years ago. It was startling how much work was done by robots.

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Ithaca, N.Y.: OK, Gene, since you were up in Ithaca for Molly's graduation--did you get to see anything of Ithaca (besides Cornell)? Any of the (water)Falls? Did you get to eat at any of the neat restaurants? Ithaca's a unique place, most people (not from NYC) love it--what were your thoughts?

Gene Weingarten: Ithaca's a nice college town. I like college towns. And yes, the gorges are gorgeous, a pun made waaaay to many times.

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Isn't this your guy, Gene?: From Illinois' State Journal-Register last Friday, 5/29:

"From health care to torture to the economy to war, Obama has reneged on pledges real and implied. So timid and so owned is he that he trembles in fear of offending, of all things, the government of Turkey. Obama has officially reneged on his campaign promise to acknowledge the Armenian genocide. When a president doesn't have the nerve to annoy the Turks, why does he bother to show up for work in the morning?

"Obama is useless. Worse than that, he's dangerous. Which is why, if he has any patriotism left after the thousands of meetings he has sat through with corporate contributors, blood-sucking lobbyists and corrupt politicians, he ought to step down now - before he drags us further into the abyss."

Rush Limbaugh? Nope. Dick Cheney? Nope. Bill Ayers? Nah. It's none other than Ted Rall, whose cartoon work and political insights you've always admired so much. Here's the whole column.

Enjoy.

Gene Weingarten: This is CLASSIC Ted Rall.

Rall often has good points to make, but then makes them with such wild overstatement that he undercuts himself. And occasionally has to apologize.

Here's a cartoon of his

after Antonin Scalia said he'd be in favor of slapping terrorist prisoners under certain circumstances.

Here's another one

that's self-explanatory.

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Pollish Gramm, AR: Gene,

Hopefully, you can help me understand the enormity of the results of this poll as these questions are essentially addressing the exact same issue. How can respondents reach the conclusion that some of these statements are okay, while others are not? My brain is literally turning to a mucus-like goo and oozing out of my ears while trying to comprehend this. I am nauseous just thinking about it. I doubt my question will be very unique, but I'm submitting this in advance anyway since I'll be busy tomorrow installing a new hot water heater.

Gene Weingarten: They are not addressing the exact same issue. There are subtle differences in misuse. See next post.

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The enormity of your poll: In deciding that the speaker sounds ignorant as opposed to "it's no big deal," do you take into account how widespread the misusage is?

I know that all of those uses are incorrect. But I'd draw a distinction between "very unique" and "literally dying," which sound idiotic even though they are now widespread, and "enormity" and words like it that are so widely misused (even in print) that a quite educated person might still not know what they really mean.

Gene Weingarten: I agree with you completely. Here is the list.

Not acceptable, and utterer sounds stupid:

1. Literally dying. (You mean "figuratively" dying.)

2. Very unique. (There are no degrees of unique; unique means one of a kind.)

Not really defensible, but enough people do it that some dics list it as accepted usage:

3. Enormity. (Doesn't mean enormousness, means heinousness)

Defensible to only Pat The Perfect, apparently:

4. Exact same. To me, and virtually all grammarians blogging out there, this is a silly redundancy. Why does Pat say it's okay? Because she contends that there are subtle gradations of "same" and that "exact same" offers a valuable qualifier. To Pat, then, I offer this: "If you insist, but it still should not be used because the utterer sounds like a five-year-old comparing the contents of his lunchbox with another five-year-old." If you must say this, say "exactly the same."

5. Nauseous -- Technically, neauseous means "nauseating." Declaring oneself nauseous is kind of funny. However, this error has become so commonplace that almost all dics now give "nauseated" as the prime meaning of "nauseous." Can't really be considered an error anymore. Same with:

6. Hopefully (technically means "with hope," not "it is to be hoped."

and

7. Snuck. (Until the last 20 years or so, "sneaked" is the only accepted past tense. Now, the dics list both side by side.)

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Rever, SE: Doubtful about the police car video being legit. 2 reasons:

1. Even if police video uses sound (I'm not sure most do), the policeman's voice is too clear and there's too little ambient noise.

2. What kind of transmission to police cars typically have? I thought all or most are automatic. For the car to roll, the policeman would have had to set the car in Neutral, instead of Park, not a very natural mistake to make.

Gene Weingarten: The sound bothered me a little too, but aren't cops miked?

Other opinions on this?

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Arlington, VA: I agree with Not Fun, NY. I was reading yesterday about a woman who worked for a pro-choice group closely allied by Dr. Tiller. She told the same stories about how all of these families had to make these wrenching decisions and then they had to go all the way to Kansas because he was one of three doctors in the whole country willing to do these procedures. And all I could think was that the "pro-life" forces have a much better PR campaign. If people really knew the true stories behind this very rare procedure they might be more rational about it. Instead it's all "baby killer!!!!" This country is insane.

Gene Weingarten: Not insane. Irrational.

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Washington, D.C.: Re: Twitter - Remember a few years ago when FL Sen. Bob Graham was mecilessly roasted for keeping detailed journals during his campaign, including the fact that he was eating a ham sandwich or putting on a new red tie? I think Katie Couric especially had a field day with this while doing the Today show. He was just way ahead of his time.

Gene Weingarten: It's true!

It actually probably ended his presidential ambitions.

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One worthwhile use of Twitter: There are comedians who are great at one-liners, for whom Twitter is almost perfect. It's not cynical, definitely not ghosttweeted, and actually makes me laugh out loud from time to time.

Check out michaelianblack, just as one example. And let us know if you want more!

Gene Weingarten: I am following Rob Corddrey. He's funny, but not trying that hard.

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The poll: As I took this week's poll, my brow furrowed. You see, I was an English major at a Seven Sisters college, and a journalist for many years. I also grew up in the South, where some of those expressions ("has a temperature," "snuck into," and "exact same") are common usage. I wish your final question had asked folks in which part of the country they grew up. That might have shed some light on some of the choices -- or given you another chance to snark at colloquialisms, Yankee boy.

P.S. I love you!

Gene Weingarten: I don't think any of those are regionalisms. They are very common usage.

You know what's a southern regionalism? An "inkpen."

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Analog digital clock: Here's what they're calling an analog digital clock.

What do you think? Good compromise? Of course you don't think that.

Gene Weingarten: This is brilliant. Ingenious. But I'm not seeing how the number one would be produced. Can anyone explain?

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Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark: Next door neighbor recently got a new dog that barks constantly. It is barking when I wake up and it still barking when I get home. It has been over a month and no change. Seriously I'm considering throwing a poisoned steak over the fence. I live where the houses are really close together, so I'm sure other neighbors are disturbed by the noise as well. I'm sure you will say go talk the neighbors, but I'm sure they can hear the barking and they haven't done anything to stop it. Any advice?

Gene Weingarten: Talk to the neighbor. Suggest a dog trainer.

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Maryland: "The sound bothered me a little too, but aren't cops miked?"

Snort. No.

Gene Weingarten: Then how do we hear what police say to drivers, on the videos?

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C'mon Liz....: Open up the list of viable topics on the chat. The Post today ran an article discussing electro-ejaculation!

washingtonpost.com: It's all in the context.

Gene Weingarten: One of the great current mysteries of journalism -- I have no good answer for this -- is why this compelling story (both parts) appeared online but not on paper.

Liz, can we link to Part I, also.

washingtonpost.com: Part 1: Anatomy of a Murder Case, (May 31)

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Maryland: For Arlington, with the analogy about killing babies: He shot the man in church. He did not shoot the man at his workplace, moments before performing an abortion. There is a matter of immediacy there that makes one killing self-defense and the other one very clearly murder. Even if you believe that abortion is murdering babies, no babies were in danger at that moment in his church.

Gene Weingarten: Uh, no.

Killing him in his workplace, moments before performing a legal abortion, would not be killing in self-defense. It would be murder.

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Technological question for Liz: Liz, please tell the mass of idiots out there who don't know secret HTML-type tricks, like me, how to include a link within our posts to this discussion. Pretty please. I'll make you a fake-bacon BLT for lunch.

washingtonpost.com: Let's see... use the code snippet here... the "An HTML Link" code.

Gene Weingarten: Okay!

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Alexandria, Va.: Forty-year-old here. Sure, the Freddy and the Dreamers song seems pretty cool, but how can it compare to this?

Gene Weingarten: Wow.

Gene Weingarten: Liz tells me this is about cocaine.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: Webster's New World lists "snuck" as informal. It sounds ridiculous in formal writing or a news story. It's like saying "busted" for broken. You can't go wrong with sneaked in any context.

Gene Weingarten: Hm. Well, I agree. IT SOUNDS ABOUT AS STUPID AS EXACT SAME.

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You're a NitTwit: Know why you hate Twitter? You use it as all "celebrities do" - to post info about yourself, and not engage in dialogue with anyone. The @ feature ("reply") is there for a reason. Read what OTHER people have to say, respond to them, start a conversation. I've become friendly with people through Twitter, and I use it for professional reasons. I've found freelancers, learned and passed along industry news, found out about events, shared hilarious articles written BY YOU, GENE, etc.

Twitter is great if you use it in the spirit of community. Ashton and Oprah are killing it, and not in a good way. It's not about a race to earn followers. It's not a "me me me," "let me prove I'm successful and a decent human being by hitting 250,000 followers" type of tool.

Gene Weingarten: Why do this in 140 characters?

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Ink Well: My good friend, a born in the Bronx Jew who went to BU and who lives in Upstate NY, says "inkpen." It doesn't sound like a colloquilism when he says it.

To capture the essence of this colloquialism, the speaker must pronounce it with a drawl, accenting both syllables equally, and prnouncing the second syllable as "pin."

Gene Weingarten: That's right. Someone else wrote that it's necessary to add ink to distinguish it from the thing out back with the pigs in it.

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Washington, D.C.: Remember that Katie Couric, while poking fun at Graham, mistook a Post satirical piece for the real thing. Here's an excerpt from your own chat 5/13/03:

Unique, N.Y.: Did you see where Katie Couric (or more likely, a producer who may now be looking for a new job) mistook the Post's satirical Bob Graham daily diary for the real thing, and grilled him on why he bothered to plan in such detail? Do you think the Post needs to more clearly say when it is joking? Perhaps a disclaimer that says, "WE'RE JUST KIDDING, FOLKS! PLEASE DON'T TAKE SERIOUSLY WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ."

Gene Weingarten: Shhhhhhhhhhh. Don't say that. The editors always try to do that. They'll label satire "SATIRE," thereby destroying it as satire.

Yes, this article was written by Mark Leibovich. It was very clear what he was doing -- no doubt at all -- but whatever editor cut it from the news failed to notice, and handed it to a soon-to-be-cagrined Katie.

Gene Weingarten: Yeah, I remember this.

Only I also remember coverage of Graham's diary back when he was governor of Florida. It really WAS that detailed.

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Boston: As a gesture of goodwill to your regular Boston-area chatters who are still bummed about missing the Post Hunt, pretty-please will you post this plug for the Second Annual Boston Scavenger Hunt? It's similar in spirit to the Post Hunt (although more of a cousin than a sibling). Last year's hunt was a ton of fun, with people of all ages participating. You can find more info here. Thanks, Gene!

Gene Weingarten: Comparing this to The Post Hunt is like comparing Freddie and the Dreamers to Mozart.

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Job Questi, ON: Gene,

Can you tell me what Molly's undergrad degree is in? I really hate my job and I want to do something else. I got to work at 9 am today and was already crying at my desk about something work-related at 9:10. I am taken advantage of here, underpaid, and am doing the work of about 3 people. I can't take it anymore, and I don't know what to do.

Anyway, I really love animals. When I was in 7th grade we got to take a day off from school to shadow someone in the community. I went to follow around my dog's veterinarian for a day. It was so cool. I would love to do that. However, I majored in Spanish and am in my late 20s. Do I even have a shot in hell at being a vet, or even working with animals or something? I have considered volunteering with WARL, but I barely have any time with my current job, because I often work late and sometimes have to come in on weekends to catch up. I am just really overwhelmed.

Thank God for your chat today otherwise I might totally lose it!

Gene Weingarten: Molly had a dual degree at Upenn in religion and biology....

Sorry to say this, but getting into vet school is very difficult, and you need a bunch of things, including organic chemistry, arguably the hardest course in all of college. You also need to have worked sustainedly with animals; Molly had spent a year as a tech at a vet clinic.

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I don't like twitter. The few tweets I've read totally fail to attract my interest. Not a big myspace/facebook fan either.: How do people have TIME to check all these sites? Even without kids, I have, oh I don't know... WORK to do so I can get a paycheck and pay rent. Don't people worry about all the twit hits at work in this laying off economy? You dern well right I sign off here at the end of my lunch hour so I'm not the next laid off for too much interenet use.

Gene Weingarten: I am following one guy in the journalism field who seems to tweet about 30 times a day.

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Pat the Perfect, ME: Re "exact same": How about "the very same"? Is that also some horrible redundant illiteracy? "They got the same offer" does not necessarily mean "They got identical offers." "Exact same" or "very same" conveys that very economically.

Gene Weingarten: I will accept "the very same."

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More PtheP!: Gene, you should alert those readers who long for more of Pthep's wisdom (and really, wouldn't that be all of us?) that she is making regular appearances on the Style Conversational, the discussion group for Style Invitational devotees. Ask a usage question and Pthep will issue a decree, possibly an abusive one. What's not to like?

washingtonpost.com: Style Conversational

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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Anonymous: "Someone else wrote that it's necessary to add ink to distinguish it from the thing out back with the pigs in it."

No, it's to distinguish it from a stick pin or a hat pin or a safety pin.

Gene Weingarten: Also noted.

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Arlington, VA: I find it difficult to believe that all women who were trying to procure late-term abortions were doing so for the welfare of their babies.

Gene Weingarten: I guess they were doing it for fun. Women just LOVE to have abortions.

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Richmond, Va.: Gene, I read that Tom the Butcher is taking the buyout and that you're considering it. Tell me something good, or I'm going to cry in my office.

Gene Weingarten: I have nothing good to say about Tom the Butcher. The man's an idiot. He has held onto his job by the skin of his teeth for years, simply by virtue of being the best long-form editor working anywhere today, and also the best humor editor in the country. Other than that, he sucks and we're lucky to lose him.

I've made no official decision on the buyout. I have weeks to decide. Don't panic. Things will work out.

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Re: Job Question: Spanish is a very valuable skill in Nursing. I know it's not the same as working with animals, but if you are a "caretaker" personality, 2 years in nursing school could land you into a great job.

Plus, the job market for nursing is very good.

Gene Weingarten: Noted.

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Grammar: It drives me crazy when people say a person was "hung" rather than "hanged." There are, however, few circumstances in which correcting this phrasing is appropriate.

Gene Weingarten: Correct. And it reminds me of a great joke I can't tell. I'll secretly tell it to Liz and she can verify it's great.

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I find it difficult to believe that all women who were trying to procure late-term abortions were doing so for the welfare of their babies.: Well, expand on that. Why DO you think a woman goes to the expense and trouble of a late-term abortion when she can take a pill in the first 8 weeks or have a minor procedue in the first 3 months?

Gene Weingarten: Sometimes, fetal anomalies are discovered really late.

These are not casual abortions by idiots.

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what I write with: Inkpen. And I'm from Michigan, and I thought anyone who used almost any of your examples would be showing ignorance.

On another (written) note, we got an email this morning to tell us there was an opening in a class, but to make sure to get "verbal" permission before signing up.

Gene Weingarten: I almost included that in the poll!

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DC: Gene, WHY was the sensational two part murder story just online? I'm a committed print subscriber and was super annoyed to have to wait until I got to work to read today's juicy installment!

Gene Weingarten: I. Do. Not. Know.

It's bothering me.

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Nauseo, US: The idea that nauseous can only be used as a synonym for nauseating and not for nauseated is wrong; the history for both uses dates back to the time of Shakespeare, as Random House explains.

If the ambiguity bothers you, don't use the word; stick with nauseated and nauseating. I'll continue to save myself two syllables by saying, "I'm nauseous," and write off anybody who thinks I'm wrong as a pedantic idiot.

Gene Weingarten: The linguist Michael Quinion says Random House is wrong, that nauseous, meaning nauseated, is newer:

What seems to have happened in the US is that a new usage grew up some time before World War II - one writer suggests that it may have arisen first in the Bronx or Brooklyn, so your geographical sense is spot on - in which nauseous meant the same as nauseated: sick to the stomach. It was only as a result of this local usage that grammarians and usage guide writers after World War II seem to have begun to make a distinction between the two terms, one that some commentators point out is not altogether supported by word history. The Oxford English Dictionary has seventeenth-century examples of nauseous in the sense "inclined to nausea", though in its entry - written in the late nineteenth century - it marks the sense as both rare and obsolete.

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Clock video: Look at the beginning of the video. You can see that for the "1," all the left-hand-column clocks are set to about 7:38, to form diagonals. Disappointing.

Gene Weingarten: Hmmm. I don't like that. It's a flaw.

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Crocodile Tears, Washington: It's bad enough that we have to endure pseudo-apologies from politicians: "I'm sorry if what I said/did/emitted offended anyone." But now we have to get pseudo- condolences? By that, I mean statements by Palin et al about Dr. Tiller that spend much more time repeating their anti-abortion stances than they do condemning his murder. If you go on and on about how he was a terrible man doing a terrible thing, the one line about how still, it's wrong to kill him comes off sounding like "but if the guy had just winged him ..."

Either condemn the murder or don't. But do not use it as a platform for your political opinions, one way or the other. (Yes, Gov. Paterson, I'm looking at you, too.)

Gene Weingarten: I agree with you. There is one courageous stance if you are anti-abortion: "This was cold-blooded murder and I condemn it."

It reminds me, oddly, of something that happened right after 9/11. A Saudi prince donated $10 million to the rescue efforts, but added, in a statement, that the incident should open up a dialog about the U.S. Middle East policy. Giuliani declined the money, saying the gift had been tainted by a suggestion that the attacks were in any way justified.

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Midwest: I think at least some of these "improper" uses of language are regional expressions, rather than ignorance. Specifically, where I grew up, everyone said they had "temperature" not a fever. This example at least, seems more like calling athletic shoes "sneakers" instead of "tennis shoes." Or how the Brits say "I live IN Main Street" and we say ON.

Gene Weingarten: The Brits also say in hospital and in university.

But I don't think this is parallel. There is nothing literally wrong with saying that one lives "in" Main Street. One does, within its borders.

Everything on earth has a temperature. I hear this expression and wince. Yes, it's a colloquialism, and everyone knows what you mean. Between you and I, there are worse things to do with language.

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vernacul, AR: At what point can we accept that our vernacular is a constantly changing and evolving thing? The number of people who are bothered by "very unique" or "literally dying" is surprising. Of course we know that "very unique" is redundant and that the person is not "literally dying" (but "figuratively dying" just doesn't quite have the same ring to it...). These are fairly common statements in our spoken language today. Do that many people really think that a large part of the population is ignorant or stupid for using (what has become) common language?

Gene Weingarten: Why would you say "I was literally dying up there" instead of "I was dying up there?" Why would you insert a word that serves no purpose in context, except to create an error?

The only reason to condone it is to say "words don't matter."

You know what else makes no sense: "I neither condemn nor condone..."

If you do not condemn something, you are condoning it. Condone, basically, means to not condemn: To allow something to happen that you know is wrong.

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Dear Pat the Perfect,: Gene is a snob. That's why he will accept "the very same" but not "the exact same."

Gene Weingarten: No one over 9 years old should ever say "the exact same" except ironically.

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WDC: Not to turn this into a Hax discussion, but while getting into vet school may be very difficult, this person could quite easily, either at night or by making a huge life change, taking out loans if necessary, and go back to school full time to take whatever prereqs she needs for vet school (including organic chemistry, which I bet many people other than Molly are able to master), as well as spend the time with animals that's required. It wouldn't be an easy path, but I bet the poster would be a lot happier as a vet at, say, age 35 or so(assuming this is a 5-8 year ordeal to get there) than still stuck at a miserable job. (I have a friend who is in his 2nd year of med school at age 37 and had to do all the prereqs before he could even start med school.) Do what makes you happy if you can, and here you certainly can.

Gene Weingarten: Sure she can. I'm just making the point that it's an ordeal.

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Leesburg, Va.: Hello Gene. I wrote to you a few years ago in the chat asking for advice on how to handle a problem I had with my wife. I had recently learned that my wife was going to have a hard time having children. She knew about this problem before we got married and never told me. I felt like she had betrayed me. I don't remember what your advice was, but I'm sure it good. I do remember you saying that you wanted an update. I'm happy to report that our son is going to be celebration his one year birthday in a few days. Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, my wife and I were able to have a child. It took a long time, and a lot of tears, but in the end, everything worked out fine. I just wanted to say that if you love someone, forgive them. Things will work out in the end.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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15th Street, D.C.: Gene- What do you think of Sunday's "Doonesbury"? Do you think it could have been perceived as a tad anti-semitic? I am not even close to being politically correct but thought Trudeau took an...interesting path to make a not funny or interesting point.

Best- A 31 married Jewish guy in D.C.

Gene Weingarten: I don't see any antisemitism here, and I think it was a very funny and interesting comic.

The joke is about the current economy, and what bankers have done to us.

washingtonpost.com: Doonesbury, (May 31)

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washingtonpost.com: The joke is fall out of your chair funny. (Though I didn't actually fall out of my chair).

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Permissions: I don't see anything wrong with verbal persmission. It means that you don't need written permission.

Gene Weingarten: "Verbal" is not the same as "oral." EVERYTHING involving words is verbal.

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Here! Here!: Gene: "I guess they were doing it for fun. Women just LOVE to have abortions."

Standing up and applauding at my desk. Thank you for pointing out the obvious to this irrational argument. No one, absolutely no one wants to be in the position of any woman considering or having this procedure and to think otherwise is even more irrational.

Gene Weingarten: I believe it was The Onion that recently had a column by a woman describing her swell abortion, and how she was looking forward to many more.

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It makes me say, AK: My word problem: "hone in on." It's HOME, people, HOME! Like a homing pigeon. A "honing pigeon" would be different: a flying rat with exquisitely sharpened talons and beak. That would be a bum-bird I could respect.

Gene Weingarten: Correct.

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Taking the SAT Aga, IN: Didn't you retake the SAT a few years ago and write a column about it? A journo at the Wall Street Journal has copied you.

Gene Weingarten: I kicked her butt, and I didn't study like she did.

I took it twice, as an adult got 800 verbal each time, but my math scores declined. I'm afraid to do it again.

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College Park, Md: On the subject of minor linguistic errors from today's poll: I'm a graduate student. An anagram similar to "SAT" is frequently a subject in my professional writing. My boss and academic advisor (whom I respect deeply) insists on occasionally writing this as "SAT test". When editing his writing, I delete "test." He sometimes reinserts it. After years of this, I recently made the bold move of a track-changes comment that said "test" was redundant. He deleted the comment; "test" remained. This bugs me. My name is going on these reports, too. What do you think, Gene? After years working with editors? Does this warrant an uncomfortable conversation with the boss? We have a good relationship. Even if I don't get my way, I want to hear his thinking.

Gene Weingarten: Whether you confront him and risk being fired may depend on how much money you can get out of an ATM machine.

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Hinterlands: After reading Richard Samuelson's editorial yesterday, that pointed out the degree to which journalists are cheerleading for the Obama Administration, I thought about writing a letter to the editor. I was going to say that he was wrong, because there had been a lot of hard hitting discussion about how Obama liked his burgers, until I opened up the Style section and read a whole feature about his restaraunt choices, to date. And guess what? The article said his taste in restaraunts is awesome!! Further proof that he is so cool!

So my question is, how long do you think the honeymoon will last, or has the whole myth of journalistic impartiality and professionalism finally been discarded? And yes, I realise I am asking someone who is clearly in the tank for the guy.

washingtonpost.com: The Obama Infatuation, (June 1)

Gene Weingarten: You know who has not been on the bandwagon, entirely?

Jon Stewart!

Check this out

.

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Solutions in print?: Were the Post Hunt puzzle solutions ever posted online in print, for those of us for whom viewing videos is inconvenient (I still have dial-up, for economic reasons)? If so, could Liz post the link? If not, would you please relent for those of your readers in limited financial straits?

washingtonpost.com: 2009 Post Hunt

Gene Weingarten: Here ya go.

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The joke is fall out of your chair funny. (Though I didn't actually fall out of my chair). : So it is Figuratively fall out of your chair funny, not LITERALLY?

washingtonpost.com: Right. Though I can neither condemn nor condone your facetiousness.

Gene Weingarten: It is SO good that it relies on a hand gesture, and it worked when presented in writing, with a description. .

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Baltimor, ON: "Gene Weingarten: I am following one guy in the journalism field who seems to tweet about 30 times a day."

Ummm, Gene, Roland Hedley of "Doonesbury" is not a real journalist.

Gene Weingarten: He's NOT???????

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Tucson, AZ: Your poll left out a whole nother. As in, that's a whole nother question.

Gene Weingarten: Well, that's not marginally supportable. That's just idiocy. Hey: Is "nother" in the dic yet?

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Hung vs Hanged: I always quote Blazing Saddles when someone says hung instead of hanged.

"They said you was hung." "And they was right!"

Gene Weingarten: Indeed.

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challenge: Can ONE prolife supporter reveal one time a woman had a late term abortion that wasn't medically necessary?

Gene Weingarten: Well, I'm sure it's happened, but the vast, vast majority of these cases are terrible tragedies that befall someone who wanted a child.

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Late Term: My dearest friend discovered at 6 months that the brain was developing outside of the skull and there was nothing the doctors could do then or after a birth. Her uterus was in danger but not her life. It was a decision to terminate that was between her and her husband in order to have future biological children of which they now have two. I do not believe that is a decision that I or our government can make for them.

Gene Weingarten: I don't even thing they had a choice.

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Awesom, ME: Gene, I realize that this offense is less severe than those you highlighted in the poll, but the mass overuse of "awesome" as a synonym for "really good" has rendered a once-powerful adjective meaningless.

Also, there is a large segment of our population who cannot be convinced that it is impossible to give 110% effort. I've literally tried.

Gene Weingarten: I share your condemnation of awesome. Awe has lost its meaning entirely.

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Today's Pearls: Do you think Stephan Pastis is using today's Pearls Before Swine to take a swipe at Jef Mallett and his self-righteous cyclist schtick? Please say yes, because that would make it ten times funnier.

washingtonpost.com: Pearls Before Swine, (June 2)

Gene Weingarten: It's definitely a joke at Jef's expense. But it's good-natured.

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Religi, ON: I'm assuming your whole family is atheist here, but your comment that Molly majored in religion reminded me of a recent conversation with a friend who's getting her PhD in theology from Very Prestigious University. She's a lapsed Catholic and was telling me that the vast majority of religion/theology PhDs are atheists. It occurred to me that maybe very religious people don't like to study their religion in an academic environment because of all the easy holes to poke. Atheists make the best theologians because of their objective approach, or something like that.

Gene Weingarten: It's probably a too-broad generalization, but yes. Molly loved her religion classes; she saw them as, basically, a history of thought and philosophy.

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Columbia, MD: I think you might just be a moron. As soon as I started the video and Steve Martin walked out I thought "I wonder if this has anything to do with that fake arm."

Gene Weingarten: I accept the designation.

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Blacksburg, Va.: Um... I was a friend of Robert Wone, who was one of the kindest people I've ever met.

I found the guy who jokingly mentioned electro-ejaculation NOT FUNNY.

Do I need a sense of humor? Or, as Liz mentioned, does the context make it not OK?

Gene Weingarten: No, you're right. I linked to it too hastily, because I wanted to talk about the story. Apologies.

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Trait, OR: I think Chris Cillizza is mocking you: "Compare that to the composition of those who call themselves Democrats -- 65 percent white, 19 percent black and 11 percent Hispanic -- in the Gallup data and you quickly have a sense of the enormity of the problem for Republicans as they try to re-brand (and re-imagine) themselves."

Gene Weingarten: Sigh.

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Just own up to it: You found The Great Flydini from it's citation in yesterday's NYT article!

Gene Weingarten: No!

I had been sent it weeks ago. I sent it to Manteuffel and others weeks ago.

The article by Ricky Jay today, however, reminded me that I'd meant to use it.

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Fairfax, Va.: Milbank claimed on Friday that, "Sotomayor rhymes with 'phony war.'"

I eagerly await a ruling.

Gene Weingarten: In a sense, he's right.

Sotomayor rhymes perfectly with war.

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ATM Machine: As ATM is also an abbreviation for a certain sexual act, whenever I see the phrase "ATM machine" it brings to mind for me a certain kind of adventurous, and highly energetic, adult film star.

Gene Weingarten: I am embarassed to admit I don't know this reference.

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Literally, Bd: My boyfriend and I just took the poll at 7:30 p.m. and noticed that while 800 people responded to the first poll question only 678 answered the last. Good job Gene, you literally bored 122 people to death!

Gene Weingarten: No, the last question was inserted after the poll had been up for several hours.

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Very timely poll...: ...considering how dirty I felt having to click on a link on the Post's home page that says "Tuesday's with Moron." Aaaugh!!

Gene Weingarten: Auuuugh.

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Between you and I, there are worse things to do with language. : Nice one.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

Okay, we're done! Thank you for a spirited exchange. I will be updating through the week.

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UPDATED 6.3.09

Silver Spring, Md.: I was hoping your pal Rachel Manteuffel would be in-chat and weigh in on the ethical questions she asked herself, and how she answered them, before publishing Sunday's XX column. I will admit to being male, but the impression I got from the column was that the checker was harmless, if creepy. I think that is the impression she meant to give. If so, and assuming as I do that the man would be fairly readily identifiable, did she think she was endangering his job, community standing, etc., by publishing this piece? Did she care?

washingtonpost.com: Secrets in the Checkout Line, (May 31)

Gene Weingarten: This question came in during the chat, but Rachel was not online. I've since sent it to her. Here's her answer:

Yes, it worried me, and yes the editors and I took care to make it unlikely that this man would be identifiable to others. Being more specific here about the measures we took would undo that, but we did address this seriously. I think the ambiguity of the situation helps him, too; I doubt anyone reading this would conclude he did something really wrong.

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Literally,??: A U.S. Senator for whom I used to work once departed from his prepared remarks to comment that a particular judicial nominee would "literally elevate the bench" if confirmed. My colleagues and I imagined Atlas as a judge.

Gene Weingarten: I am more impish than that. I imagine him to be peckish and concupiscent, and endowed.

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Silver Spring, Md.: Do I remember correctly that you do not like free verse poetry? Have you read any Billy Collins? I was just reading a few poems last night and think he is a master. Further, anyone who can read him and not appreciate free verse is a "ninny." See the reason why I chose that word in Marginalia .

Gene Weingarten: I'm a ninny. I love Billy Collins. I love him for many reasons, among them that he is really funny. But I define free verse, even his free verse, as prose. Fabulous prose. A very short story. This, for example, which is his magnificently titled "Another Reason Why I Don't Keep a Gun In the House":

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
He is barking the same high, rhythmic bark
that he barks every time they leave the house.
They must switch him on on their way out.

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
I close all the windows in the house
and put on a Beethoven symphony full blast
but I can still hear him muffled under the music,
barking, barking, barking,

and now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,
his head raised confidently as if Beethoven
had included a part for barking dog.

When the record finally ends he is still barking,
sitting there in the oboe section barking,
his eyes fixed on the conductor who is
entreating him with his baton

while the other musicians listen in respectful
silence to the famous barking dog solo,
that endless coda that first established
Beethoven as an innovative genius.

--

Billy and I discussed this, in a way, in a column we wrote together several years ago. He gave one of my favorite interviews ever.

Gene Weingarten: Caitlin Gibson, who thoroughly disagrees with me about the nature of free verse in particular, and my assessment of the nature of "Another Reason..." above, believes there is a lesson for me in "Introduction to Poetry," by Collins. Which I also define as great prose:

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

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Washington, D.C.: Two thoughts:

1 - Do middle-aged men in Kansas really have nothing better to do than conduct campaigns of terror against women exercising their legal rights? That's what really appalls me about the Tiller killing: The victim was male, but this was essentially an act of male-on-female terrorism.

2 - I understand Tiller was previously sued for performing abortions on pregnant females aged 10 to 22. Does anyone really think a 10-year-old girl needs to carry a pregnancy to full term? Does anyone really think getting pregnant was her CHOICE?

Sorry to not be funny, but I'm too overcome by outrage and anger right now.

Gene Weingarten: The 10-year-old girl was pregnant by her father.

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Reverse ge, AR: Cop hastily tries to put car in park, doesn't make it past Reverse stop, leaves it in reverse, gets out. He's not the only one to do this.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, I am now pretty convinced the video was real. See next post.

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Washington, D.C.: As a federal prosecutor, I have watched literally thousands of hours of cop-stop videotape (usually involving drug seizures). The cops are miked, and the audio is quite good. The mikes are worn on a harness just below the collar on one side or the other, and can be turned on/off by the cop. In the Dumbest Cop In the World video, you can here the audio buzz/interference when the cop turns his mike on as he approaches the driver, and when he's chasing the rolling car I see what I'm sure the mike on his uniform. I can't vouch for the video, but it looks authentic to me. (I've seen some unbelievable things on these tapes over the years.)

Gene Weingarten: I love the video so much more now. It's not quite as great as the drunks trying to mount a horse, but it's really good.

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UPDATED 6.4.09

Alexandria, Va.: I just want to put out there that for the first time in my life, I am reading the printed WaPo daily, as opposed to reading online. I love it. I am 31 and hot, by the way.

Gene Weingarten: This should be a TV ad campaign. Really hot young people shown reading the Wapo in print. Thirty seconds of this. No words, no voiceover. Maybe some hip music. Then just a logo. "The Washington Post. Hot Off the Presses. Very Hot."

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Brooklyn, N.Y.: Gene, how likely is it that the incorrect uses of possessives will make their way into the lexicon? For example, "The provocatively dressed woman, who's VPL were showing, bent over to tie her shoelaces." Or, "The bulldog is not able to lick it's own butt."

I keep seeing the wrong use of the apostrophe EVERYWHERE and IT'S driving me nuts.

Gene Weingarten: You've raised more questions than you know you raised.

Your first sentence has an egregious error of redundancy. One no sooner says "whose VPL was showing" than one says "ATM Machine."

And:

Is VPL singular or plural?

I spent a great deal of time contemplating that last question. I have decided that VPL can be singular or plural, depending on its usage. You have misused it here, since what was showing on this woman was her "visible panty line." (I have determined to my own satisfaction that what is visible beneath pants is a continuous line, and not several lines.)

Whereas, in the sentence "Should I worry that, over time, my VPL make me seem trashy to my coworkers?" the plural is correct, since the brain is referring to "visible panty lines."

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Arrant pedantry up with which I will not p, UT: Once the chat completes, I eagerly recommend spending the remainder of your afternoon digesting "The Phenomenology of Error". A condensed excerpt from the introduction:

"I am often puzzled by what we call errors of grammar and usage, errors such as different than, between you and I, a which for a that, and so on. I am puzzled by what motive could underlie the unusual ferocity which an irregardless or a hopefully or a singular media can elicit: words like "detestable vulgarity", "garbage", "atrocity", "idiot", and "simple illiteracy". The last thing I want to seem is sanctimonious. But what happens in Cambodia and Afghanistan could more reasonably be called horrible atrocities. ... Idiots we have more than enough of in our state institutions. And while simply illiteracy is the condition of billions, it does not characterize those who use "disinterested" in its original sense.

I am puzzled why some errors should excite this seeming fury while others, not obviously different in kind, seem to excite only moderate disapproval. And I am puzzled why some of us can regard any particular item as a more or less serious error, while others, equally perceptive, and acknowledging that the same item may in some sense be an "error," seem to invest in their observation no emotion at all."

It goes on to give measured, thoughtful insight into the reason these solecisms arouse such distaste. (And try, if you can, not to give away the twist ending in chat).

Gene Weingarten: This is a good monograph, with a sense of humor. I like this paragraph, for what it doesn't say:

In fact, it is this unreflective feeling on the nerves in our ordinary reading that interests me the most, the way we respond -- or not -- to error when we do not make error a part of our conscious field of attention. It is the difference between reading for typographical errors and reading for content. When we read for typos, letters constitute the field of attention, content becomes virtually inaccessible. When we read for content, semantic structures constitute the field of attention; letters -- for the most part -- recede from our consciousness.

--

What it doesn't say is that the ability to read both ways at once is a rare talent, and it is precisely what makes a great copyeditor. Like Pthep.

I urge people to read to the end.

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St. John's, NL, Canada: As aptonyms go, this one (from Newfoundland) is too easy:

"Grouchy pleads guilty to aggravated assault"

Gene Weingarten: It's really good, but we need more details about his motives.

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Denver, Colo.: Gene,

I easily got an A in both organic chemistry courses I was required to take. I struggled to get passing marks in English. I think each person experiences easy and difficult courses and you cannot identify a single course as the most difficult.

Gene Weingarten: This is obviously true, but the number of googlehits when you combine "organic chemistry" with "hardest course," "hardest class," "toughest course," etc., is really impressive.

For me, it was statistics. I think it was my only true F in college. I was a psych major, so I had to take it. If I'd actually graduated, I would have had to re-take it, I'm sure.

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UPDATED 6.5.09

Arlington, Va.: If the fetus is viable and the woman decides she no longer wants the baby (Lets say she doesn't want the kid to grow up to be the next Godfather) should the father have any legal say in the matter?

What say you?

Gene Weingarten: Well, now, wait a minute.

An abortion may not be legal if the fetus is viable; Roe v. Wade went only so far.

But let's restructure your question: If a woman wants a legal abortion, the father's views are irrelevant. Period. You cannot force a woman to have a baby she doesn't want, assuming she has a legal right to abort.

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Women just LOVE to have abortions.: This statement was made for Twitter.

I dare you.

Gene Weingarten: Nope. It needs context; without context, it's poisonous.

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Re: the Poll: I answered each question "Incorrect usage but no big deal." My mother had a Ph.D. in English and spent the first 25 years of my life correcting my grammar and word usage. It seriously damaged our relationship, and she missed out on relationships with some otherwise perfectly nice people because of her insistence on perfection. Life's too short, and grammar and usage are certainly no indicators of a person's character.

Gene Weingarten: I don't actually understand this. A terrific gift parents can give kids is to speak good English around them from Day One. It gives your children an intuitive sense of what is right, and makes language easy for them.

I don't see why lectures are necessary. I can recall very few times I or the Rib had to correct our kids. They knew how to speak.

Clearly your ma spoke correctly; why were the lectures needed?

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I beg your question: What about this one?

Gene Weingarten: This is EXCELLENT.

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Submit to next week's chat.

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