Washington Sketch: Hurt Hillary, Obama and the Fly, More

Post columnist Dana Milbank serves as the capital's foremost critic of political theater in his Washington Sketch columns, videos and blog posts.

He was online Friday, June 19 at Noon ET to take your questions and comments about the things politicians say -- and the absurd ways they find to say them.

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Dana Milbank:

Good afternoon, Sketchreaders. Before you go any further please check out today's edition of Mouthpiece Theater.

Please note the wounded Hillary bobblehead lying on her elbow, and Cillizza's mention of Obama's problems with his fly.

Talk to me.

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Please take appropriate precautions: Dana, you are a treasure and we appreciate your willingness to point out the foibles and failures of the mighty. Since the Post seems to be intent on ridding itself of people whose names begin with D (i.e., Dan Froomkin) and who speak the truth to power, we are deeply concerned about your safety and well-being.

Dana Milbank: A lot of Froomkin ferment out there today. I haven't inquired about this so I don't know the details on that specifically, but sadly the Post has shed all kinds of terrific people in these last few years -- several hundred, in fact. This evening, as it happens, I've arranged some farewell drinks for my friend Alan Cooperman, a veteran of the national, foreign and Book World departments who took the buyout. Yesterday we bid farewell to a terrific Style writer, Libby Copeland. Last week we said goodbye to Bill Hamilton, the guy who brought me to the Post a decade ago.

So that's a long way of saying thank you for your concern.

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Washington, D.C.: I've been told that Barack Obama smacked the fly only so we wouldn't realize that it was his gaze that killed it. Who do you think would win a Barack Obama vs. Chuck Norris smackdown?

Dana Milbank: This is all a huge misunderstanding. The fly actually got so bored by John Harwood's question about credit default swaps that it took a nap, and Obama has mistakenly been called a killer.

Speaking of Chuck Norris, I saw Huckabee on Jon Stewart. Has he been skipping the treadmill?

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McLean: Dana,

You seem to be very close to expressing an opinion. Has Andy Alexander authorized you to have an opinion?

Dana Milbank: I'm OWOL today: Opinionated Without Ombudsman License. I should point out, not as a matter of opinion but as a matter of fact, that it would have been a far more popular move to keep Froomkin and sack Alexander.

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Boston: I loved Libby...warm, smart, good writer. Sad to hear it.

Dana Milbank: Yes, she's fabulous. Her departure is actually a family related move rather than a Post cost-cutting thing, but it's a loss just the same. It's an old Post tradition to have a cake when somebody leaves, and I'm guessing the average weight gain for surviving Post employees at this point is about 15 lbs.

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Salinas, Calif.: Dana, what's the chance that you and Chris might do a remote video of Mouthpiece Theater outside Senate chambers when John Ensign finally shows up in D.C. to perform his congressional perp walk?

Dana Milbank: I do like the idea of taking Mouthpiece on the road. Also the idea of bringing newsmakers into our little studio -- though probably Ensign won't be the first to volunteer. We are still eager for your feedback and suggestions: should these be shorter? longer? more frequent? less frequent? different days of the week? give it up entirely?

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Newspaper cutbacks: It is 12:21 and you have answered two questions. One would think that being in the midst of such employment carnage would increase your sense of urgency. Type, man!

Dana Milbank: Oh, no! Either Big Brother is censoring all my Froomkin answers or you are not hitting the refresh button. But either way I will type faster.

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Harrisburg, Pa.: For those of us outside the beltway who still receive news by smoke signal: what happened to Dan Froomkin?

Dana Milbank: He slipped and broke his elbow.

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Hoekstra, Minn.: Should we be relieved that John Ensign had an affair with his chief of staff's wife and not his chief of staff's staff?

Dana Milbank: I caution you, Hoekstra: All the details have not emerged. We know precision little about the chief of staff's staff, particularly his distaff staff.

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Evanston, Ill.: Hey Dana, given his demands on others what are the odds John Ensign resigns? Will he pull a Larry Craig and remain indignant or pull a Spitzer and leave with an ounce of self respect?

Dana Milbank: None of the above. I predict he pulls a Vitter and lives unctuously ever after.

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Las Cruces, N.M.: Dick Durbin recently complained that "the banks own this place." Do you think the media is doing a good job of covering the pay for play culture of D.C.?

Dana Milbank: Sorry I have to get clearance from my sponsor, Wells Fargo, before replying.

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Merrick, N.Y.: Your responses are awfully sluggish today. Too much celebrating with old friends last night?

Dana Milbank: Okay, okay, my sluggishness is an unofficial work slowdown to protest the Froomkin fracas.

But, yes, I was out late last night interviewing the founder of Violight, a maker of ultraviolet toothbrush sanitizers. We were sanitizing our teeth with vodka and wine.

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Dunnellon, Fla.: Has all that tippling with John McCain caught up Hillary? Is it an epidemic in the administration, what with Judge Sotomayor also breaking her ankle?

Dana Milbank: You have drawn attention to a fascinating pattern.

Also, since we've been discussing the fly takedown today, I should also remind you of that item in Jackie Calmes's New York Times story from last week about how there was a fly buzzing around Larry Summers and Obama swatted at it. Seems there's a housefly infestation at the White House. Maybe it's the organic garden and all it's, um, natural fertilizer?

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"... though probably Ensign won't be the first to volunteer.": How could you think of giving up Mouthpiece? And how could Ensign pass up the chance to don the smoking jacket of honor (BYO on contents of pipe) in a desperate (and misguided) attempt to restore dignity to his public persona?

Dana Milbank: Hopefully Ensign's chief of staff's staff is reading this and will think yours is a good idea.

Also we would never think of giving up Mouthpiece Theater. Unless they fire us. In which case we'll do it in our garage and invite you all.

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Spitzer, Vitter, Gingrich, Edwards, Ensign, etc.: Is there any political figure whose untoward extramarital involvement would SHOCK you?

Dana Milbank:

Robert Byrd.

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The fly (not to be confused with The Fly): PETA says Obama should have used a humane trap and released the little guy into the wild. Colbert held a memorial service. Will you invite a representative of the fly community to speak about the situation on Mouthpiece Theater?

Dana Milbank: Cillizza is fly specking this idea right now.

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Chicago, Ill.: Hey Dana, not to be Jeff Birnbaum but I found this on the net. Back to the drawing board. www.mouthpiecetheatre.co.uk/

Dana Milbank: Are you wearing a moustache, Chicago? As viewers of Mouthpiece Theater know, Birnbaum, my former colleague (can't remember if we had a cake for him) now with the Rev. Moon, made us change one title for our show. Fortunately, the British Mouthpiece Theatre company has not been so rude.

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Dallas: Possibly you Post writers need to form a Union!

Regardless, please pass on to The Washington Post that I will quit reading their free "washingtonpost.com" if they sack you...

Dana Milbank:

We do have a union, although the only thing weaker than the newspaper industry right now is the labor movement.

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Flies: "Seems there's a housefly infestation at the White House. Maybe it's the organic garden and all it's, um, natural fertilizer?"

Actually, the Times ran a separate story all about the fly problem. Dana Perino said they had problems in the last administration too, so don't blame Michelle's garden. Maybe it's just all that landscaping.

Dana Milbank:

The larger problem during the Bush administration was a rat infestation in the briefing room, for which I blame Fleischer.

Also, on the topic of White House vermin, we should add in the strange situation of the raccoons.

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Seattle: So Dana, the Post will keep twits like you and Cillizza, hire constantly wrong knuckleheads like Kristol, but let Froomkin go? What the h- e- double hockey sticks is going on over there? I'm writing your weasels today over this!

p.s. Even though I called you a twit I still like ya!

Dana Milbank: I am not a twit-- I am a knucklehead.

Still, no offense taken, Seattle.

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Madisonville, Tenn.: Dana, I know you have no doubt answered these questions before, but my excuses are A) my dialup prevents me from watching Mouthpiece Theater in full and B) I've missed a couple of Live Sketches--

In the smoking jackets w/the pipes, you and Fix remind us irrepressibly of Holmes and Watson--but which of you is Holmes, and which is Watson?

And if you're channeling Holmes and Watson anytime soon--is there a possibility the ombudsman could be persuaded to guest as Professor Moriarty? Just sayin'--

Dana Milbank: Brilliant, Madisonville. We must get the broadband out to Tennessee one of these days.

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Your union rep: You have nothing to worry about. The Newspaper and Telegraph Writers Union is doing quite well. Our skills are easily transferable to the very stable fast food service industry.

Dana Milbank:

Hopefully they'll let me where my smoking jacket at Taco Bell.

Thanks for chatting, Sketchreaders and friends of Froomkin. Got to get ready to eat some farewell cake now.

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