Chatological Humor: The First Monthly Chat (UPDATED 7.31.09)

aka Tuesdays With Moron

Daily Updates: WED | THURS | FRI

Gene Weingarten's humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in The Washington Post magazine. It is syndicated nationally by the Washington Post Writers Group.

At one time or another, Below the Beltway has managed to offend persons of both sexes as well as individuals belonging to every religious, ethnic, regional, political and socioeconomic group. If you know of a group we have missed, please write in and the situation will be promptly rectified. "Rectified" is a funny word.

On one Tuesday each month, Gene is online to take your questions and abuse. He will chat about anything. Although this chat is sometimes updated between live shows, it is not and never will be a "blog," even though many persons keep making that mistake. One reason for the confusion is the Underpants Paradox: Blogs, like underpants, contain "threads," whereas this chat contains no "threads" but, like underpants, does sometimes get funky and inexcusable.

This Month's Polls:

1. MEN | WOMEN

2. I Lean Socially Liberal | I Lean Socially Conservative

Important, secret note to readers: The management of The Washington Post apparently does not know this chat exists, or it would have been shut down long ago. Please do not tell them. Thank you.

Weingarten is also the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death," co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca and "Old Dogs: Are the Best Dogs," with photographer Michael S. Williamson.

New to Chatological Humor? Read the FAQ.

P.S. If composing your questions in Microsoft Word please turn off the Smart Quotes functionality or use WordPad. I haven't the time to edit them out. -- Liz

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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon. Welcome to the first of the monthly chats.

We were going to begin with a short video, starring me and Chatwoman, that was several days in production, requiring costuming, blocking, and special permission -- obtained after grave consideration from the highest authorities at The Post, people paid a lot more than you and I -- for me to say a naughty word. All this was obtained and accomplished, filmed, re-filmed, and edited. At the last minute, I pulled this video because I decided it wasn't funny enough to place before you, the discerning public, in this, our first monthly chat. That is an example of the degree to which we at Chatological Humor respect you by applying the kind of rigorous quality control that STACK OVERLOAD *** UNMOUNTABLE BOOT VOLUME SYS REQ *** BOOL ERROR **** [if !SUPPORT EmptyParas]

We're going to try for a better video next month.

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Because Web chatters are accustomed to a somewhat more freewheeling level of discourse than other readers of this newspaper, it is okay for me to share with you here three items that were cut out of this column when it appeared in The Post.

The column was about how undiscerning Twitter users will accept anything and think it is clever. I recounted how how I had bombarded my Twitter followers with an endless string of inane pun jokes about people's names, yet gained followers. Here are four of my tweets that were not included in my column in The Post:

"What former secretary of state dumped a load of crap on the U.N.? Colon Powell."

"What conservative economist is really, really rude? Francis Fukyumama."

"What soccer star had a weakness for bordellos? PayLay."

"What president was a real horndog? Warren G. Hardon."

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Okay, then.

Many years from now, when my wife and I and my children are all dead, and the grandkids are greedily divvying up their inheritances, I am convinced that the most valuable thing around will not be the elegant antique clocks I own, or any tangible financial assets, but this.

This is a collection -- begun by my son, Dan, and proudly displayed by us on a tabletop in our family room -- of forlorn, unmatched children's shoes, harvested over the last eight years from the streets of my downtown Washington neighborhood. If you find them somewhat disturbing -- Chatwoman's reaction upon seeing this photo was "eww" -- that's sort of the point. Dan assures me this is Art, and I am inclined to agree.

These are gathered during walks with our dog, and we abide by certain rules. We only pick 'em up if they have been spotted on two consecutive walks, usually at least five hours apart, meaning the owners have not returned to look for them. There is a primitive sociology and philosophy behind these things: Most are from girls, for some reason, and presumably they have all been kicked off in that thrashing thing kids do while in a stroller, one of humanity's earliest, ultimately futile efforts to unburden ourselves of worldly constraints.

The collection now stands at 21. I believe it will eventually number into the hundreds.

I am happy to discuss the aesthetics and ethics of this, at length.

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Dual aptonyms of the day:

1) Man in Oregon accused of taking snapshots of a teenage girl through the window of her bedroom: Paul Klick

2) Man in Pittsburgh accused of using a camera and grocery-cart mounted floor-level mirror to shoot photographs up the skirt of a 13-year-old girl: Brian Grosser.

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Here is an old photo a reader sent in of Alex Trebek. I cannot explain this photo. I can only share it.

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Here is a fabulous collection of inappropriately used quotation marks. It is interesting how people don't understand how quotes confer sarcasm, isn't it?

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The Clip of the Day is this one, from Slate.

I have to say that, sadly, I was about 20 seconds into this before I realized it was a joke.

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Here is a column I did last week about the vice president's memoirs.

It's been a while since I've gotten the sort of hate mail this column engendered, particularly because of the line in which I suggested that Mr. Cheney's book advance would be delivered in the usual way, "in a gunnysack of unblemished human heads."

Please take today's polls:

1. MEN | WOMEN

2. I Lean Socially Liberal | I Lean Socially Conservative

We'll be discussing them both throughout the chat, but a couple of observations stand out. The first is that you're all really wrong about which is the best joke -- this is a no-brainer -- and the second is that while the differences between conservatives and liberals in assessing the Gates affair might be predictable, it is still startling.

One other observation: The Web is killing the art of joke-telling. It's really insidious. People who like jokes have heard everything, but they've heard it in the rapid-fire, blanched, impersonal way that jokes appear when written out, especially in long forwarded lists. Perhaps the best example of this is the "Double Entendre" joke in the poll. It's a great joke but it gets even better when that last phrase is delivered in person with a very slight leer.

Oh, and I realized after the poll went up that an even better set-up line is: She says, "I'll have an Entendre. Make it a double."

Okay, let's go.

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Criti, Que.: How do you respond to your critics, who say that after all the waiting, today's chat has been a big disappointment?

I'm submitting this a week early in case I can't make it live.

Gene Weingarten: It has been a big disappointment to me, too.

Gene Weingarten: So far.

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Chicago, Ill.: I really hope your post-buyout plans include writing the same kind of stories (as books?) that you were writing for The Post, that delve deep into the most human characteristics of your subjects, and joyfully celebrated their humanity. Even the tragedies you wrote about uplifted me because reading them I felt closer to the human race. Please don't stop these stories, somehow, anyhow. They are masterpieces and they are timeless. And thank you for the ones you have already written.

Gene Weingarten: For a while, they will manifest themselves in fiction and other venues. Simon and Schuster will be publishing a collection of my long Post pieces, sometime next year.

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Nosy Parker: The "birthers" have never provided a shred of physical evidence, nor offered up a single eyewitness, to support their preposterous claim that Barack Obama's mother traveled all the way from Honolulu to a Nairobi, then to a village in Kenya in the late stages of pregnancy. Isn't the onus on them to refute Obama's birth certificate with actual evidence, rather than just foaming at the mouth?

A quick check on Expedia reveals that even now it's a very costly and lengthy journey (minimum $2400 one-way, taking 28-55 hours), so I can't begin to imagine how arduous and much slower it must have been back in summer of 1961. Add to that how conspicuous a hugely pregnant white 18-year-old woman in the company of a young black man must have been in an era when interracial marriage was far less common, and it seems surprising that they could have made such a long trip without a single reliable witness remembering them and coming forward now. Nor has any paper documentation been unearthed in the form of passports and visas, nor reservations from a travel provider (airline, ship, etc.), to indicate that they were even considering such a trip, let alone made it.

My question is this: are reason and common sense just being trumped by paranoid delusions and hatred?

Gene Weingarten: I love this "controversy."

The birthers make Palin look like a genius.

There is one bit of evidence out there that is irrefutable. It ends the discussion: The Honolulu Advertiser had the birth announcement on Aug. 6, 1961. It's right there! It's in the clips.

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Atheism in the colu, MN: "A deity that I don't really believe in." Why did you feel the need to put in that weasel word "really"? Are you one of them self-hatin' atheists, or did the Post make you do it?

Gene Weingarten: I put that word in to better avoid an argument. I got one anyway. Many letters to the editor decrying my lamentable atheism.

washingtonpost.com: Below the Beltway, (July 26)

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Arlington Gay: Happy Birthday, Liz!

washingtonpost.com: Thanks!

Gene Weingarten: The gauge for "young" in the polls has now increased to 38.

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Des Moines, IA: Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I can't stand the cobblestones joke. I think it would hurt.

Gene Weingarten: It's not a terrible joke, but I am startled that men and women seem in total agreement that it is the BEST joke.

It's good because "cobblestones" is unexpected. And a visual image.

It's not so great because it's just a very simple play on "come," so it's telegraphed, especially since, to make it work, the nun has to misuse the word. It should be "go."

The best joke here is the Double Entendre. The second best is probably a tie between the Jews and the blonde. And no, neither is offensive. They are obviously ridiculous stereotypes, so have no real power to hurt.

Question: Are there any blondes out there who are actually offended by blonde jokes? Because to be offended by a blonde joke, you would have to believe that there is actually an active, genuine stereotype out there that blondes are dumb.

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Entendre: So, is the chat today a double?

One hour or two?

Gene Weingarten: Gonna be only one; we've got a lot of good questions, but I'd say just one hour's worth. Lotta quality control here.

Maybe two hours next time.

I will be updating through the week, though.

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Unmatched Kids Shoes: Forget about wandering around in the streets. I have a box of them in the laundry room. The sock monster is no longer satisfied with just socks and now eats shoes.

Trust me, there is NOTHING disturbing about unmatched kids shoes. Nothing is more entertaining to a bored toddler in a stroller than to kick a shoe off and watch it tumble away.

Gene Weingarten: There is something really compelling about looking at this collection. It's gonna be totally stunning at twice the size.

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Mayor for Life Aptonym: It's almost too easy to mock, but take a look at the last name of Tisa Mitchell's friend who was complaining about the City Paper's reporting of Marion Barry's latest indiscretion .... one Constance Woody. You can't make stuff like this up.

Gene Weingarten: It's the CONSTANCE that makes it, with Woody. It's like those four-hour erections the Viagra ads warn you about.

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The Gates incident was about power and position: No offense to the all the regular, one-of-the guys, regular joe Harvard professors out there, but I have a feeling the Prof. Gates is not one of you. I suspect he has a feeling of superiority and entitlement and flipped out over being treated like a common person, even a common criminal.

The police officer also was in a position where he couldn't back down. Other policemen were watching, more were on the way, and he is viewed as a leader. Once Gates got beligerent, he couldn't back off or he would have lost face and respect.

All of this would have been true regardless of Gate's race, though race added some fuel to the fire.

Gene Weingarten: I disagree. I'll explain in a bit.

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New York, N.Y.: Gene,

This "reporter" caused a mistrial (depriving a personal injury plaintiff of a $2.2 million verdict) because he refused to hold off on a non-newsworthy humor story for a few days, despite being requested to do so by both lawyers in the case. Most likely, he didn't want to have to come up with something new for his weekly column. He refuses to concede that he did anything wrong. Please destroy this jerk.

Gene Weingarten: I'd like to oblige, but I can't. He is not a jerk, and he did nothing wrong. And it's an interesting diversion of viewpoints, yours and mine, non-journalist and journalist. I'd like to hear if others agree with you.

Important disclaimer: I know and like Frank Cerabino. I think he has good judgment. When he was very young, and I was a lot younger, I edited him at the Miami Herald.

Summary of facts: Columnist gets a tip that there has been an unusual motion filed during an ongoing civil trial: One lawyer has asked the judge to order the opposing lawyer to stop wearing shoes that have holes in the sole. Says it is manipulative, to curry favor with the jury.

Columnist calls both lawyers. The lawyer with the holes is cooperative, chummy, jokes with him, gives him quotes for the column. The other lawyer, who filed the motion, warns columnist that to print this while the trial was ongoing, before a jury, would risk a mistrial. The first lawyer belatedly agrees, and also asks the columnist to hold off, until the trial is over. Columnist refuses. In his column, which is about this funny dispute, he does not mention what the trial is about, who the defendant or plantiff is, etc.

The jury, during deliberations, reads the column. Though they rule for the plaintiff, their decision is thrown out because the judge decides that thought he jury says it didn't influence their decision, it probably did.

Should the columnist have withheld the column? No way. He got it because one of the lawyers in the case had filed a preposterous public document in the middle of the case. It was out there for anyone to find. The lawyer made news, and then got freaked that someone was going to report the news.

COULD the columnist have held back? Sure, and someone else could have written the column first. The columnist is not an officer of the court. There is a First Amendment; he is entitled to cover interesting, illuminating things. This is not about national security; this is about saving a lawyer from looking like an idiot. That is not the columnist's job.

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Gates Poll: I am fascinated by the Gates poll results. Absolutely fascinated. To me, it's obvious that it was about race. I'm a white female from the south, not generally "into" identity politics, but that story really made me sad. It's Cambridge Mass for Pete's sake. Is it really all that hard for the police to believe that there is an educated black man who lives in Cambridge Mass? Seriously?

What is more fascinating, though, is that the bulk of the other conservatives thought that it wasn't about race. I guess when you have an agenda, it's hard to abandon defending it. Guys, seriously--sometimes it is all about race, and sometimes the cops are wrong. And sometimes military personnel rape young girls. Being in a profession that is loved by conservatives doesn't make you immune to criticism -- especially when you give that profession a bad name.

Gene Weingarten: My view is that it was largely but not entirely about race: I think race was behind a neighbor's initial call to the cops. See Colbert King's excellent column about this.

I think once the cop showed up, it became about something else, too -- the casual arrogance of a police officer who expects compliance and has the power of arrest, and the anger of a citizen sputtering unwisely but understandably in his impotence against this power. I also think Gates's anger was increased by his perception of racism, though I don't suspect the cop of racism.

I find myself with greater sympathy for Gates. Though I am sure he became insulting and outrageous, I've been exactly where he was. It is an exasperating position to be in -- in the right, but facing an implacable authority that can, if it chooses, make your life hell. A situation that calls for you to be cowed and docile, even when you have every right not to be.

That's the bottom line here, and it is the reason I am ticked at the president for backing down from his initial statement. His initial statement was right. A police officer has the power of arrest; it is an enormous power that must not be used in a petty fashion. This officer got angry because a homeowner -- whom he KNEW had done nothing illegal -- was pissing him off. Nope. Bad.

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Say What?: I admit it -- I don't even GET the double entendre joke. Could you please explain? For the record, I'm not blonde, I'm old by Liz standards, and I have a perfectly fine college degree from the finest university in Virginia. But I absolutely don't get that joke.

Gene Weingarten: See next posting.

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Donkeyho, TE: I don't get the joke about the double entendre, can you please 'splain it?

Gene Weingarten: No. It's probably just too hard for you, lady.

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Silver Spring, MD: Last minute submission for Clip of the Chat (Month?): A-Spray

Gene Weingarten: This is sensational! I love the woman's crossed legs.

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Centreville, Va.: I have two questions, one related to your poll and one not. 1) Which joke do you think was funniest? (I was torn between the Jewish one and getting laid off) 2) How long have you had your moustache and why have you kept it?

Gene Weingarten: I will explain the jokes in a bit.

I began growing my moustache at Woodstock, literally.

And that's why I keep it.

Liz, can you find a column I wrote several years about this? I think it was based on a moustache contest, or a beard contest.

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The Empress of The Style Invitational: So how many call-the-customer-service-person columns do you think you can get other people to write for you gratis in this week's Style Invitational contest?

Gene Weingarten: I expect to get a full column out of it. I'll make the calls, if the questions are good enough. Which they will be.

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Gates - libertarian view: Sir,

I have a strong libertarian streak. I felt the the fault in the Gates incident was primarily with Gates until I saw a copy of the police report. In it, the officer directly states that he had already been led to believe that Gates was the resident of the home and was in it lawfully (page 2 of the report) at the time of the arrest. The arrest was made after the officer had descended the stairs of the home toward the sidewalk, i.e. he was leaving.

Gates was a boor and should be embarrassed, in fact he should apologize for his behavior. But he should not have been arrested by an officer who at the point of the arrest understood him to be the lawful resident.

Gene Weingarten: Yes, exactly.

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Shoe collection...: Do you think is best displayed divided into two sub-collections of lefts and rights, or mingled together?

Is either left or right significantly overrepresented?

Gene Weingarten: Oooh. I'm not sure! Let me go check. There will be a two minute hiatus. Please talk amongst yourselves.

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washingtonpost.com: Manly Moustache Wearer Finally Faces Fashion Facts, (Dec. 3, 2006)

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, it's interesting. Sixteen to five, lefts to rights. Any mom out there have any idea why?

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Sarasota, Fla: I'm a blond and picked the blond joke. My cousin and a dear friend are both natural blonds as well. Like some folks of a certain age say they're having a "senior moment", we say we're having a "blond moment".

Two blonds are walking through the woods when the come across some tracks. The first blond says, "Those are bear tracks!". The second blond replies, "No, those are deer tracks!" Then the train hit them.

Gene Weingarten: That's good!

Okay, I will publish any jokes you send in that meet the following criteria:

1. I haven't heard it before (very hard criterion)

2. I think it's funny.

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Who really cares where he was born?: You don't have to have been born somewhere else to be anti-American.

There are plenty of Hate America Firsters in your Evanstons and Cambridges and Berkeleys, not to mention your Upper East Sides and NW DC's.

Gene Weingarten: Well, of course. The bottom line here is they do not want him to be president.

I do love how this issue is bringing forth the haters and the idiots in a readily identifiable way. Lou Dobbs is one of them.

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Oh, and I realized after the poll went up that an even better set-up line is: She says, "I'll have an Entendre. Make it a double.": So you made that joke up all by yourself?

Gene Weingarten: Nope. I just improved on the punchline that is out there.

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The Honolulu Advertiser had the birth announcement on Aug. 6, 1961. It's right there! It's in the clips: Ah, but then the birthers claim that somehow Mrs. Obama managed to traveled from a village in Kenya all the way back to Hawaii immediately upon giving birth in time to register Barack Jr's. birth there -- or that she phoned or telegraphed the info to the Honolulu paper or to her parents so they could report it to the hospital for a birth certificate, or some such nonsense. Gene, you and I know it's all utterly ridiculous, but these conspiracy nuts would rather believe this than consult their common sense.

Gene Weingarten: They probably knew he was going to be president, so it would be important.

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Boston, Mass.: Gene, the initial call from the neighbor was absolutely not about race. The 911 call was released yesterday, and she didn't even mention the word "black." She called because she saw someone forcing his way into his home. She acknowledged that they had suitcases and said they could just be having trouble with their key. When prompted by the dispatcher about race, she said one of them maybe looked Hispanic, but she couldn't see the other person. Her call was exactly the kind of call you want your neighbor to make.

And I think the cop was in the wrong, when he knew Dr. Gates was in his own home, he should have left, not called for back-up. I think many people would get indignant is a cop questioned their right to be in their own home.

Gene Weingarten: Ah. I didn't know that. Well, good.

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University in, Va.: Please let the person who probably got a 4.0 at UVa know that those of us who could only muster a 2.8 at William and Mary understand double entendres just fine.

Gene Weingarten: Hahaha.

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Godless in Maryland: Gene, I think I'm becoming an atheist. In my heart, I find that I just can't believe in the things I used to. But I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole death thing. When I think that the entire existence known as "me" will someday simply end - that I will no longer exist -- it makes me really, really, really sad. And there doesn't seem to be any logical way to move past the sadness. It's enough to keep me going to church because denial seems like the only coping mechanism that makes it more bearable. Or maybe this is why people do drugs? As a self-proclaimed atheist, how do you and others learn to live with THE END?

Gene Weingarten: Well, you could accept it as inevitable and not be a big ol' baby about it.

A man named Ernest Becker wrote a brilliant book about it; that we survive only through the denial of death -- that our lives are constructed around that denial. I believe that. But it's no so bad.

OR, you could watch this and believe it is real, which I do not. But you COULD.

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Michael Vick: So what do you think?

I am not a huge NFL fan but think they have done a pretty good job maintaining a clean image despite having some outright thugs and criminals on their payroll. And I am not quite as extreme in my views on animal rights as PETA but I do think I would be throwing buckets of blood on the commissioner and any team owner who would hire Michael Vick. The man willingly and personally tortured animals for sheer amusement and orchestrated mass suffering of animals in the name of entertainment and illegal profit.

Gene Weingarten: I think he has been nearly destroyed by this, and I believe he is working now with animal rights groups.

I think it's over. If he can still play, he should be allowed to play.

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Shoe collection: It really reminds me of the shoes at the Holocaust Museum. Really disturbing (even though I have a 3 year old with one sandal, so I get the concept).

Gene Weingarten: It doesn't have that feel in real life.

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Phoenix, AZ: Because most people are right handed and it's easier to grab your left foot with your right hand?

Gene Weingarten: Could be!

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Trust me, there is NOTHING disturbing about unmatched kids shoes. Nothing is more entertaining to a bored toddler in a stroller than to kick a shoe off and watch it tumble away.: Yep. And kid's shoes are expensive - $30-$50 a pop for Stride Rites that they outgrow after a few months.

Gene Weingarten: I was going to offer to return any shoe that a neighbor recognized, but then I realized every single one would have been outgrown by now.

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Yagottabekiddin, ME: It took the birther issue for you to determine Dobbs is a loon?

Gene Weingarten: Not by a longshot. Liz, can you link to my Lou Dobbs column? It's one of my favorites, and Lou denounced me by name on the air.

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Mistrial: There was no "news" there to report. Just a slightly funny story. He should have held off printing it. And I bet he would have if the plantiff was from the media.

It's crap like this that causes the press to be held in such low esteem.

Gene Weingarten: Nope. To me, this is pretty clear. That's not his job, not once the official papers were filed.

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washingtonpost.com: Below the Beltway, (June 17, 2007)

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Reston, Va.: Hi Gene: I admit to being well over the moderate line into liberal territory and find myself siding with the cop in the Gates situation. I think it was a tense situation, Gates was tired from his trip, annoyed that the door was jammed, annoyed that this cop wanted to see his ID in his own home, and got belligerant to the point where there was no choice but to detain him. I've personally witnessed this type of situation many times as an EMT; a normally reasonable person under duress doesn't act like themselves and cops have to take action. Generally, it has nothing to do with race.

I suspect that now that he's had a chance to cool off, Gates probably regrets pulling the race card. But, there is no way he can back down from this, otherwise he minimizes actual racial profiling situations. And unfortunately, this officer is caught in the middle.

Gene Weingarten: See next post for the opposite view.

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Gates arrest: What strikes me about this whole affair is that everyone from the police department to every conservative critic was so quick to rush to the defense of the cop.

The police officer arrested an unarmed man in his own home.

Where were these "supporters of law enforcement" when the ATF attempted to enter the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX? They were arguing about the validity of the warrant.

And when did we stop questioning police behavior? Is it too much to demand that police they not lose their cool when someone insults their mama? Is it too much to ask that they don't escalate an already volatile situation?

The officer who arrested Gates is a racial sensitivity trainer. Shouldn't we hold him to a higher standard?

An unarmed man was arrested in his own home last week for committing no crime. If the Cambridge, MA police department thinks this is acceptable performance, I question their standards.

Gene Weingarten: I agree with this.

Here is the thing: Being rude to a police officer is not nice, and we should scowl at the man, but it is no big honking deal.

Arresting someone: Big honking deal.

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WDC: I was hoping to find my son's shoe in that collection. He went through a stage when he repeatedly kicked off his right shoe whenever he was in the stroller.

You cannot imagine how many people take pleasure in asking "did you know your son is missing a shoe?" as if you are a neglegent parent!

Gene Weingarten: Ha.

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Rockville, Md.: I always liked Dolly Parton's take on dumb blonde jokes:

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know I'm not blonde"

Gene Weingarten: I like that. She is very smart.

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, Sotomayor has just been approved by the Senate Jud Committee.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she'd probably be a fine judge. On the other hand, she does that annoying eyelid-flutter thing when she talks to you.

I HATE that.

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Phoenix, Ariz.: In the wake of Cronkite's death, I've been hearing new polls about which newsman is now the "most trusted." The answer I've been hearing most often is Jon Stewart.

Have we become so jaded about media bias that we've tuned out the news altogether?

Gene Weingarten: No, I think we feel, with some justification, that Stewart is the only one who is leveling with us.

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Rockville: Nobody believes me either, but I do remember ending a life, then moving to a very dark place and thinking "I thought I was alive, but now it seems it was only a dream." then after a while I was born again.

I remember waiting to be born.

I can tell anyone I want.

Nobody believes me.

Gene Weingarten: I believe you have that memory.

I also think memory does not always mean remembering something that happened.

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America: The Obama birth was part of an Internet fraud scheme quite common in 1961 where Americans would be duped into placing birth announcement in newspapers for African babies in return for large sums of money so the African parents could come to America to take advantage of the Medicare benefits that had yet to become law. I am surprised you never heard about this. It is all over the Internet.

Gene Weingarten: Well, now I know. And it's obvious.

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Lou Dobbs is a tool: Ha, Gene, get yourself down to Capitol Hill books and ask for Kyle, who sells the T-Shirt Insurgency t-shirts from the counter. He'll sell you one of these.

Gene Weingarten: Hahahaha. I wish it were more recognizably Lou.

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Downtown, DC: Gene, I'm quite put off by your casual arrogance in describing "the casual arrogance of a police officer." This cop was responding to a report of a burglary in progress, which often result in in chases and shootouts. I'll agree that Gates should not have been arrested, but your flippancy is worse than "casual arrogance" you accuse the cop of. And don't arrest me for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Gene Weingarten: Here is the casual arrogance: I have the power to arrest this man, and he is behaving very rudely to me, so I shall arrest him.

That is casual arrogance.

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Soto(voce)mayor: You know what else? She does that interrogative inflection thing when talking. I HATE that.

Gene Weingarten: She does? She's pretty old to do that, isn't she?

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Sorry, but I still think it's about power and position: My teenage son was recently stopped for driving over 80mph in VA, and got a reckless driving ticket. When I hired a local lawyer to represent him, the first and pretty much only question he asked was "did your son mouth off to the officer." When I told him he hadn't, I was assured that the outcome would be favorable.

The reality is that cops have power to make your life miserable. Sometimes they might use that power because they are .... (rhymes with glass bowls). Sometimes they might use it to maintain the aura of their auhority either for coworkers or other members of the public. Sometimes they're right and sometimes they're not.

You recognized that, when faced with this power, you needed to keep quiet to diffuse their power. My son, at 19, knew that no good can come from mouthing off to a cop. Why couldn't Gates accept this reality? Because his position made him believe that he was above it.

Gene Weingarten: I agree with all of that. All of it.

But you don't ARREST him for mouthing off.

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Reincarnati, ON: Didn't Tom the Butcher write a book about this?

Gene Weingarten: Yes, he did. Old Souls. Very interesting book, and a very good seller. Well written. I didn't buy it, but it's not Tom's fault; he wrote it straight down the middle.

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Silver Spring, Md.: I trimmed some bushes on the way to work this morning and I just found some pine needles in my bra. That is all.

Gene Weingarten: So this woman walks into a bar and says, "I trimmed some bushes..."

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Cooperstown question: Let's see if Liz allows a sports question to reach you. So Gene you're a baseball fan and this kind of trivia question ought to be right up your alley. How many ways can a runner reach first base in official scorekeeping? I've listed eight below that I thought of without looking it up. How many can you and other readers think of, and how many are official?

1-hit, 2-walk, 3-intentional walk, 4-error, 5-hit by pitch, 6- fielder's choice, 7-dropped third strike, 8-balk

Gene Weingarten: You cannot reach first base on a balk. A balk only advances existing baserunners; it has no meaning with no one on base.

I think you can be awarded first base if the catcher interferes with your bat on a swing. I think there is your eighth.

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Nupti, AL: I know I might be preaching to the choir, but the new wedding stuff in the Sunday paper is um, well, silly. It's better than the old paid advertisements, which often wandered into ridiculous detail, but it still seems like the Post trying to copy the Times. (Speaking of which, there was some fun public editor stuff this past Sunday about scrapping the extensive wedding coverage from the Times.)

I can't believe the Post doesn't have room for the quote-acrostic, but does have room for extensive wedding silliness.

Gene Weingarten: You are not so much as preaching to the choir as you are preaching to the preacher.

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Robert Zimmerm, AN: After watching Weird Al Yankovic's "Bob," I found and watched Dylan's video to "Subterranean Homesick Blues."

As you are the definitive interpreter of Bob Dylan, can you explain why, when he gets to the line "wants 11 dollar bills," his card reads "20 dollar bills"?

Surely, Dylan would not have made such an obvious mistake, so there must be some hidden meaning. Is Paul really dead?

Gene Weingarten: That was the ONLY mistake you saw? The whole video is filled with playful oddities.

One card reads "suckcess."

There are other words that aren't in the song. He's never really explained this; it's Dylan being Dylan.

Gene Weingarten: Odd fact: The cards were hand lettered by Dylan, Donovan, and, for some reason, Allen Ginsberg.

washingtonpost.com: Subterranean Homesick Blues (Video)

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Staff Infection: I notice the byline on this chat still refers to you as: Gene Weingarten Washington Post Staff Writer.

Are you still on the payroll?

Gene Weingarten: Oh, hrm... we'll have to change that. What'choo wanna call yourself, Gene?

Gene Weingarten: I'll think about it. But it just occurred to me that the line below the byline of the obit writers should read "Washington Post Stiff Writer."

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Than, KS: ... for not giving us poetry homework in the poll!

On that note, please settle a debate between me and my husband. I say Dr. Seuss is a genius in the rhyming for kids department ("Big B, little b, what begins with b? Barber, baby, bubbles, and a bumblebee.")

My husband says it's easy to be a genius when you just make stuff up ("Big Q, little q, what begins with q? The quick queen of quincy and her quacking quackeroo.").

But there's a lot of horrid made-up stuff (Mrs Triano to rhyme with piano for instance) out there and don't even get me started on complete and total disregard for meter. No wonder so many of us have poetry issues.

So, what say you regarding Mr. Geisel?

Gene Weingarten: A rare genius of literary fiction, and a real poet.

To disparage his rhymes because they include nonsense works is missing the point: His nonsense words are poetry; thing of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky. Galumphing. Snicker-snack. All mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.

You either get this or you don't, but there is genius in meter, and in almost-meaning to nonsense. Think of the sound effects created Mad Magazine's resident genius cartoonist Don Martin. When a Don Martin building collapsed, it went "Fagroon." Seuss created a garment called a thneed.

Geisel's sounds were wonderful. Put that on top of fabulously complex Orwellian-worthy parables told understandably to children: The Lorax (environmental conservation), The Butter Battle Book (nuclear disarmament), You're Only Old Once, (aging, dying, and geriatric medicine), and you have a genuine giant of letters.

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But you don't ARREST him for mouthing off.: So what do you do? Taser him? Pepper spray him? The cop did the only nonviolent thing he could do, since nothing else was diffusing the tension.

Gene Weingarten: And what is so bad about tension? The point is, Prof. Gates was not threatening him. There was no public problem to contain, except a man's anger.

Look, the question didn't ask who was 100 percent to blame. Neither man was. The question asked who was 51percent to blame, and I think it's clear.

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Falls Church, Va.: Does there come a point when loud behavior on your front porch can become disorderly conduct? I'm not taking a position on whether that point was met in the Gates case; I'm just asking whether you believe that loud shouting or other noise-making can ever amount to an offense.

Gene Weingarten: Sure.

I don't think that was reached here -- no one is alleging it was -- and the best proof of this was that the case was immediately thrown out.

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New puppy: Gene,

My dog was 17 when he passed away 3 years ago. I got him when I was ten.

We recently got a puppy for my family, and I don't like her. She's not "my dog," he was. I feel terrible not loving this puppy (husband and son love her to pieces - first pet for both of them.)

Have you ever felt that? Does it change?

Gene Weingarten: I have not. My wife has. It's the way some people immediately react to a new dog after the loss of a beloved dog. It ALWAYS changes. Dogs make you love them.

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San Francisco, Calif.: Gene,

The recent passing of Walter Cronkite was significant enough to reflect on the state of news today without journalists of his caliber, but what I heard a few days later made me shudder. CBS Radio News was doing a bit on the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11's return to earth, and the interviewer referred to it as "Apollo, uh, Second". (think Roman numerals). Now, it's bad enough that anyone who got past junior high school doesn't know what Apollo 11 is, and even worse that a modern journalist could be so ignorant, but this woman clearly hadn't prepared for HER OWN INTERVIEW!

Walter stayed on the air for 18 hours that incredible night 40 years ago, and probably could have rattled off facts like where Neil Armstrong went to school or what year Corvette Mike Collins drove, and from memory to boot.

I'd laugh if where we were heading didn't scare me so much.

Gene Weingarten: I have heard announcers say "Kim Jong The Second."

I was recently reminded of something: Most of the early astronauts, while brave and good men, were not exactly poets. They were fighter pilots and engineers. There was at least one exception.

Michael Collins, who piloted the command module for Appollo 11, wrote a little remembered book about his career and that flight, called "Carrying the Fire." The title was an allusion to the fact that his job was to orbit the moon, carrying the juice they'd all need to get back home.

It's a beautiful book. Read it if you can.

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Nether Scaggsville MD: "Scholastica"? I'll give you a bad girl's name if you really want one. How about this:

"After signing off with my mom, I called my college friend, Lowonderful, in Charlotte. Before I could say anything she said, 'Can you believe it? This doesn't seem real.'"

From this article.

Gene Weingarten: I didn't believe this, so I e-mailed the blogger, who confirmed she has such a friend. I found her. She is a retired insurance person in Charlotte, N.C. I called her. Her name is better than just Lowonderful. It is... Lowonderful Pearson.

Lowonderful Pearson is a wonderful person. Very friendly.

Me: So how did you get that name.

Lowonderful: Mom says it came to her in a dream.

Me:

Lowonderful: Yeah, it must have been a bad dream.

Me: What do you call yourself?

Lowonderful: Lo. Mostly.

Me: Do you have any siblings?

Lowonderful: Five. Rhennet, Starlin, Elwell, Oree and Beverly.

Me: How did Beverly get in there?

Lowonderful: I have no idea.

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Birthers: And what the heck is a "long form" birth certificate?

Gene Weingarten: Another non issue. There is your actual birth certificate with the name of the obstetrician, etc. And there is the perfectly official document issued years later when requested.

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San Jose, Calif.: Gene! So in your last chat, you had a question from my sister Jenny about what to name her new daughter (Olive vs. Olivia). You recommended a bunch of names and they went to the hospital with the thought that their daughter would be Elizabeth or Georgia (I am not sure if either was on your list) with Martine as the middle name.

Well, they say that when a doc tells you that you are going to have a girl, it's more like 80%. And my sis and her hubby should have heeded this info, because now she is the mother of Daniel Emmet, named after our grandmother (Danielle) and my brother-in-law's stepfather (Emmet). Danny is currently sleeping in the super-pretty pink nursery, but his grandfather Emmet has promised to come and repaint it some less femmy color. Jenny asked me to thank you for your help, even though they couldn't really use it.

Gene Weingarten: I don't know all the details, but from what you tell me, your sister is lucky.

It sounds as though she had amniocentesis, and the results gave her a false positive for female. It is true that false-female positives are waaaay more common than false male positives. There is a reason for this, and it is a little scary.

What sometimes happens is that the cells grabbed from the amniotic fluid are not from the baby, but from the mommy. Mommies are always females, so whenever this happens, and it's false, it's a false female. The problem is that this means the cells tested for deformities are not the baby's cells, but the mom's cells. You see the problem.

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Overlap: How much overlap do you think there is between the "birthers" and the 9/11 conspiracy "truthers"? It seems like it'd be the same kind of people, grabbing onto any ridiculous theory that comes their way despite mounds of evidence.

Oh, and maybe the moon-landing hoax people too.

Gene Weingarten: And the 911 hoaxers, too.

the 911 hoaxers are the most rabid.

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Newark, Del: Hey Liz,

Having just got back from SD, how do you think Gene would handle being dropped into the middle of Comic-Con?

Gene,

I went to Richard Thompson's panel and he did a great job, although his soft-spokeness made it hard to hear some times. Wishing him the best with his health.

washingtonpost.com: I didn't realize Richard had a panel. Man. I think Gene might spontaneously combust, but not before getting heaping eyefuls of Sailor Moon girls.

Gene Weingarten: Just FYI: Richard has been diagnosed with Parkinson's. He's doing fine; his drawing hand is as good as ever. Which is, as we all know, really good.

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Taser?!? Pepper Spray?!?: That's absurd. The easiest way for the officer to "diffuse the tension" would be to LEAVE. He had seen proof of residency and had no further business at the home - would it have been so hard to drive away laughing about the arrogant academic hopping up and down on his lawn?

Gene Weingarten: Exactly. It's defuse, by the way.

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Seuss and such: I have another baby shower to attend this weekend, which means I will be in the market for some children's books (as I refuse to buy of the registry and purchase rectal thermometers or packs of onesies). I always get "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" and something Seuss. Usually "The Lorax," but really any Seuss is good. I was wondering what your top three favorite children's books are.

Gene Weingarten: Anything Seussian. Anything Margaret Wise Brown, especially the lesser knows, especially "Mr. Dog, the dog who belonged to himself."

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Oh, and maybe the moon-landing hoax people too.: What about Holocaust deniers?

Gene Weingarten: The 'Caust deniers are way more complicated than hoaxers. There's something really evil in there.

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Lynchburg, VA- the wife: Gene, wanted to update you after the tragic loss of our great dane last month. We are moving on, never forgetting our baby. He now sits on our countertop in our house, where he belongs. We plan to submit an application for a rescue Great Dane from MAGDRL (-cue ad for rescue dogs here-).

Truly this tragedy has helped bring us closer together. Thanks again for posting what you did in the last chat as it really helped us both to understand each other.

Gene Weingarten: I love big dogs. The terrible irony is that they die early. Eight is old for a Dane, and middle aged for many smaller breeds.

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Centreville, Va.: Gene: I'm sure you're getting a lot of these stories, but here goes. My daughter and five of her male friends were playing on our front lawn one night at around 9 p.m. My husband and I were out there with them, supervising from the front porch. (they are all 16-17) They were shooting golf balls across the street (over a two lane street when no cars were present, of course) to the woods in front of our house. Granted, not the most responsible, but good fun and we were insuring no launching when cars were around. Police show up...seriously, three cruisers all pull ONTO our front lawn, brightly shining lights and from inside their cars say "EVERYONE STAY RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE...DON'T MOVE." To say it was overkill is an understatement. No one got a ticket that evening but the arrogance of the police officers who showed up that night I will never forget. They looked inside our front door and said "is there a party going on in there?" (no) They asked to see what we were drinking on the front porch. (soda) They asked if the kids had been drinking. (no sir, they are all under age). I mean crazy stuff and it left a bad taste in everyone's mouth and for no other reason than to exert authority as there were two new "training police officers" amongst older officers.

Gene Weingarten: This reminds me of something. Do we think it should be against the law to drink beer or wine on your front lawn?

In DC it is, because the front lawn does not technically belong to the homeowner. In my neighborhood years ago, a really nasty neighbor with a major grudge against someone else called the police and had the guy arrested, on his front lawn, for having a glass of wine.

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Dylan video: Isn't that Ginsberg in the background during the video?

Gene Weingarten: Yep.

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it's Dylan being Dylan. : And not Zimmermann. Did you catch Ron Rosenbaum's column in Slate asking Jon Stewart to go back to Jon (S. for Stuart) Liebowitz? He made the silly argument that Dylan changed his name back to Zimmermann. Without acknowledging that nobody, nowhere, nohow, refers to Bob Dylan as Bob Zimmermann.

Gene Weingarten: I didn't see this. Was he implying that Stewart is repudiating his heritage?

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Children's Books: One of my favorite new children's books is called Knuffle Bunny, and it's by Mo Willems. It's really a treat, and because it was published relatively recently, it's not one of the classics that new parents are given multiple times (my friend received four copies of Goodnight, Moon!).

Gene Weingarten: My kids' favorite books early on were The Very Bumpy Bus Ride and George's Store.

Anyone ever hear of those?

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51 Percent Blame?: Nope. Sorry.

This is how you speak to cops - Yes sir, No sir, Thank you sir (or ma'am). Even if they are half your age.

Why? Because they have a difficult job that could turn dangerous at any time. A time that cannot be predicted. You should never give them any reason to think that time is when they are dealing with you.

Gene Weingarten: I just don't buy this.

I respect police officers. I think they have very difficult jobs. I think most of them do those jobs very well.

But it's in totalitarian states where one should be terrified of criticizing an officer, or standing up for your rights. Assuming you have rights.

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Front lawn: Wasn't there a big article in the Post a few years back too about folks getting arrested for sitting on their front steps and having a beer? How is that any different than sitting on the porch of a restaurant?

That's another question -- can you have a drink on your porch? It's in public view.

Gene Weingarten: To me, "having a drink" should never be a crime, unless you are underage or some such. Being publicly intoxicated, or acting erratically, is different.

Okay, you should not be able to "have a drink" behind the wheel. I'll grant you that.

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New dog blues: Hi Gene- My husband and I adopted a Great Pyrenees dog from rescue two years ago to be a friend for our other two rescue dogs. I am absolutely crazy over the first two males, but two years later I still don't love the "new" dog. I feel horribly guilty, and I swear she knows and tries to get me to love her, but I just can't. My husband dotes on her, but I just think she is too big, too pushy, too smelly, too... everything. I have never felt this way about a dog and consider myself a crazed animal lover, but the dislike doesn't seem to be going away. I have wondered if it might be a gender thing, and your other reader might be in the same boat. Pure chance, but I have always had male dogs and loved them. Thoughts?

Gene Weingarten: I don't know that this means a thing, but the only "bad dog" I've ever had was a female Pyr.

She was crazy and violent. A serious dysfunction. She tried to kill Harry, which is when, after spending thousands on corrective training, we had to euthanize her. A horror.

That Great Pyrenees smell is interesting, isn't it?

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Old Blue in Exile: When I was in high school some classmates told me there was a guy listed in the phone book named Epluribus Eubanks. I figured they were just trying to sucker me into believing something ridiculous, then play "gotatch" -- but it was true. He's dead now, and listed in the California Death Records (although, surprisingly, not the Social Security Death Index).

Gene Weingarten: That is a great name!!

Okay, we're done here. Thank you all for remaining loyal; we've had about the normal number of questions.

I will be updating through the week, robustly. And look for a new chat, and a video in about a month.

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UDPATED 7.29.09

Not working: Sorry Gene this once a month thing is not working for me. When the reliable source reports that Rep. Anthony Weiner is marrying his girlfriend whose first name is Huma, I need to be able to share that with you. For some reason other people don't find this funny. Please come back.

Gene Weingarten: Sure, you can get that information elsewhere, the bare facts, but you need to come here for the entendre and innuendo.

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Definiti, ON: The wife and I were watching TV the other day and a commercial came on for some product or other stating it had won an award for taste and flavor. My wife asked, "What is the difference between taste and flavor?" My response was.."uh.." What is your response?

Gene Weingarten: My response would have been "uh," but then I looked the words up. Some dictionaries define them identically, but some make an interesting distinction: "Taste" refers to the way a food is perceived on the tongue. "Flavor" is a more complex term that includes smell, temperature, and texture.

In researching this, I learned a new concept. I'd always been taught that the tongue had four kinds of taste receptors: Bitter, sour, sweet, and salty. It turns out there is a fifth, "umami," which basically means "savory," a taste quality found mostly in meats, cheese, mushrooms and other protein-heavy foods.

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Washington, D.C.: Here's the thing that really, really bugs me about the Birthers - McCain is the one who wasn't born in the U.S. - his father was stationed in the Panama Canal Zone when McCain was born. There was some slight buzz about this last year, but nothing like what's going on with the President. It's like, there's no way this black is qualified to be President, let's see what we can find.

Gene Weingarten: You know, a month ago we were discussing what parts of The Bill of Rights might be due for an overhaul.

I'm thinking that the next Constitutional Amendment might address the antiquated requirement that a president be a "natural-born" citizen, whatever that means. Why should it matter if John McCain was technically born in this country or not? Or, for that matter, Barack Obama.

This has always been a requirement that's been hanging over the presidency like an embarrassment. It's an ambiguity. It came up when Michigan Gov. George Romney was running for president in 1968. He was born in Mexico to American citizens. Did that make him "natural born"?

(Romney was Mitt's father, and did about as well as his son in trying to get the Republican nomination. Ohio Gov Jim Rhodes famously said that watching George Romney try to run for president was like watching a duck try to make love to a football.")

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byool, IN: You said something earlier about "the casual arrogance of a police officer who expects compliance and has the power of arrest."

Another fine example: police in Mobile got called to a department store because a man had been in the store's bathroom for an hour. When he didn't respond, they fired pepper spray under the door, pried it open and then tasered him. It was then that found out he was deaf. And -then- they arrested him for disorderly conduct and held him for six hours until a magistrate refused to uphold the charges.

They dropped him off in his driveway.

The story doesn't make it clear whether or not the cops knew that in addition to being deaf, the man is mentally challenged, having the faculties of a 10-year-old.

Gene Weingarten: The details of this story are jaw-dropping. Read the account of the incident as written by the mentally haandicapped victim.

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Gene Weingarten: Regarding the Gates case, The Rib reminds me that when she was a prosecutor in Miami, the D.A.'s office had a term they used among themselves, informally, to describe certain kinds of charges: POPOs.

Pissed Off the Police Officer.

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Anonymous: "Well, you could accept it as inevitable and not be a big ol' baby about it.

A man named Ernest Becker wrote a brilliant book about it; that we survive only through the denial of death -- that our lives are constructed around that denial. I believe that. But it's no so bad."

I think there's a better response to someone looking for hope: We the People have a proven, fruitless track record at understanding what it's all about. Throughout our history, there have been individuals and classes that have embraced certainty that their knowledge or their emotions or their experiences point to the "answer." Many have been of a religious, faithful bent. Some have been of a scientific, rationalist bent. Our on-going collective experience have proven an extraordinary number of these individuals and classes wrong over time. The certainty that a scientifically minded atheist has today could be turned on its head by a scientific discovery tomorrow. It really could. Our greatest failure is our failure to comprehend our own ignorance. We still know nothing. We live to try and piece the answer together based on what we observe and what we feel. No one point of view is privvy to all of that.

Let uncertainty be your guiding light...

Gene Weingarten: Hm. Well, yes, I like your answer better than mine. I'll happily adopt it. It's kind and wise, if possibly a little condescending.

Remember what the poster said: He has lost faith in religion, but his fear of death is "enough to keep me going to church because denial seems like the only coping mechanism that makes it more bearable." In essence, he's using religion as a crutch, recognizes that fact, and is uncomfortable with the attendant hypocrisy of it. I reacted to a man who I felt was asking for a gentle whack upside the head. (I'm treating him as a man. Could also be a woman. We'll keep the male pronoun here for simplicity.)

He wanted to know how I can face that there is an end, and my honest answer is, I can face it because it is in my view an inescapable fact of life; you learn to embrace it, and work with it. I understand that the many intelligently religious people in the world take a different view, one similar to yours: that faith is ABOUT doubt; that it is a tool to remain humble and balanced and right-thinking, and that religion survives and prospers through the humility of not knowing.

I am sorry if I seemed callous. I am not in a good place right now about notions of a benevolent and caring deity, and all the philosophical parsings and wringings and twistings that are needed to bring this notion into line with a pitiless, violent world. A good and respected colleague of mine just lost his two sons in a car crash. At a highway detour, they were rear-ended by a tractor-trailer that failed to stop. I refuse to view such a thing with any assumption that it is part of anyone's Plan; or, in a less simplistic view, that it is in any understandable way consistent with a cosmic sense of order or purpose or design. To me, the only sane way to process this is to understand that we are alone in a universe in which wonderful and awful things happen, often at random, for no reason. We get by through cherishing the good things we have, for as long as we have them. What we must do is devote ourselves to a celebration of life, and what it offers, for as long as we have it. We live with love and passion and do the best we can in whatever time we have. We don't whine and whinge about the fact that it's not permanent. What we leave behind -- good works, people who loved us -- makes us live on for as long as memories persist.

I'm sorry about this; I didn't want to say it all in the chat itself, reflexively, without time or thought -- so I took the quick, cheap and easy way out.

My colleague is Linton Weeks. His sons were Stone and Holt Weeks. Twenty-four hours after their death, their first cousin, Lou Weeks, wrote something on a special Facebook page in their honor. I find it overpowering, and true, and to the point. I am reprinting it here with Mr. Weeks's permission.

Ode to Beautiful Young Men (Now Old and Retired)

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -- Howard Thurman

There are no words, no thoughts,

No songs, no speeches.

No medicine to heal the wound.

The earth is off-kilter.

Time lurches about.

Was anyone ever as alive as these two redheaded young men?

Stone and Holt did not want this.

They did not want a detour, a dangerous highway, and a massive truck.

They wanted so much more:

Passion, purpose, torrid romance, historic causes,

Strong opinions, long conversations,

Music, sports, dogs, books.

Let it be so.

Let us write a better ending.

Good husbands and fathers of large families.

Builders, teachers, leaders.

Happily retired after successful careers.

Stone wrote many books, and appears occasionally as a commentator on The Nightly News Hour to give his unique perspective on the day's events.

Holt was elected to Congress from his adopted state of Texas, where he authored legislation to protect the environment, and to improve schools in impoverished communities.

They are getting together for breakfast, these old men, at their favorite diner.

Look-you can see them.

Listen, what are they saying?

They are waving us over-

Hang on, guys, we'll be there soon.

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UPDATED 7.30.09

Gene Weingarten: This morning we have an important Chatological Humor Newsbreak. Paul Farhi's excellent interview today with Sir Paul McCartney finally and definitively answers the question about whether "Live and Let Die" contains one of the worst lyrics in rock music, a subject long debated here.

From Sir Paul Farhi's story:

Well, perhaps he can clear up at least one tiny mystery of several decades standing: What exactly is McCartney's maddening lyric in "Live and Let Die"? Is it, "In this ever-changing world in which we live in"? Or "in which we're living"?

McCartney considers and seems genuinely puzzled. "Yeah, good question," he says. "It's kind of ambivalent, isn't it? . . . Um . . . I think it's 'in which we're living.'"

He starts to sing to himself: "In this ever changing world. . . . ' It's funny. There's too many 'ins.' I'm not sure. I'd have to have actually look. I don't think about the lyric when I sing it. I think it's 'in which we're living.' 'In which we're living.' Or it could be 'in which we live in.' And that's kind of, sort of, wronger but cuter. That's kind of interesting. 'In which we live in.' In which we live in! I think it's 'In which we're living.' "

Ah, thanks, mate. Clears things right up.

--

Actually, it does. If McCartney doesn't know, or claims he doesn't know, we are left only with the soundtrack. In which it is quite clear. Chatological Humor has listened quite intently and there is no "r" sound in after the "we" sound. "We" feel vindicated.

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Gene Weingarten: Okay, this is just incredibly weird. It's weird for what happened -- which lost the publisher and the editor their jobs -- and for the lack of explanation of how it happened. My guess is that it started as a joke that was accidentally published.

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The jokes on, ME: A husband and wife are laying in bed, and the husband starts getting frisky. The wife says, "Not tonight, honey. I am going to see the gynocologist tomorrow." So the husband thinks for a second, and says "You are not going to see the dentist, are you?".

Gene Weingarten: Okay, good.

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Left vs. Right: Most of us are right handed. Most toddlers, then, have stronger muscles on their right sides therefore they use their right foot to kick their left shoe off.

Walk a few more blocks and you're likely to find the sock as well.

Gene Weingarten: Two people suggested this. It makes some sense.

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New York, N.Y.: On the shoe issue, I agree with the right-handed dominate theory.

If they are using one foot to push off the shoe on the other foot, they would probably use the right foot to push off the left shoe. (I do that under my desk when I wear heels and I always remove the left first).

Gene Weingarten: Indeed.

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It has no meaning with no one on base: Doesn't it count as a ball?

Gene Weingarten: No. A balk does not count as a ball. It just advances the runners. However, several people wrote in to say that you can also get to first base by being inserted as a pinch runner.

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Plott Jowls: Hi Gene, good to have you back. I have a question unrelated to anything that is probably going on in the chat right now. What is your favorite thing about Plotts? Mine is the jowls. These friends of mine have a mix but his mother was Plott and he has the long houndy jowls. He lets you play with them, and they either swing back and forth or bounce up and down when he walks. I just realized the last sentence looks kind of dirty if you don't know what jowls are. I'm sure most folks do. Anyway, Plotts are awesome, just wanted to share.

Gene Weingarten: Plotts have really interesting, shiny brindle short-hair coats, and hardly shed. They've got all the wonderful traits of the classic scent hound -- smart and funny, with floppy ears and a great seal-like bark -- as well as a hilarious walk that is about 10 degrees off plumb. And they love you to death. And yeah, nice jowls.

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UPDATED 7.31.09

Plott Jowls: Hi Gene, good to have you back. I have a question unrelated to anything that is probably going on in the chat right now. What is your favorite thing about Plotts? Mine is the jowls. These friends of mine have a mix but his mother was PLott and he has the long houndy jowls. He lets you play with them, and they either swing back and forth or bounce up and down when he walks. I just realized the last sentence looks kind of dirty if you don't know what jowls are. I'm sure most folks do. Anyway, Plotts are awesome, just wanted to share.

Gene Weingarten: Plotts have really interesting, shiny brindle short-hair coats, and hardly shed. They've got all the wonderful traits of the classic scent hound -- smart and funny, with floppy ears and a great seal-like bark -- as well as a hilarious walk that is about ten degrees off plumb. And they love you to death. And yeah, nice jowls.

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"The Very Bumpy Bus Ride": Rears here -- I remember that one. It was the first time I'd come that way.

Gene Weingarten: Thank you.

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Van Ness, D.C.: "The Very Bumpy Bus Ride!" LOVED that book growing up. I am 30, so pretty close in age to Dan and Molly. I swear that book is the reason that to this day, my siblings and I love applesauce!

Gene Weingarten: It also had a character named Mr. Flapsaddle. My kids loved Mr. Flapsaddle.

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Funny place name: Gene, since you like fart jokes, you'll like this name I found while planning a vacation in Maine. Near the town of Belfast, Maine, is the Passagassawakeag River.

Gene Weingarten: Good grief, you're right.

Not far away, in Canada, is a place called Sun-Ova-Beach. Or there used to be. My family took pictures of the sign back on a vacation in 1962 or so. We each posed under it.

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Joke: Q: What's the hardest part about Rollerblading?

A: Telling your parents you're gay.

Gene Weingarten: Good.

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Silver Spring, Md.: May be more Liz's style, but nevertheless.

Gene Weingarten: I find this stupefyingly boring. I bet Liz likes it. Sort of the reverse of our protracted discussion of what constitutes a balk.

washingtonpost.com: I could see the Amy Winehouse in oil hanging over my fireplace.

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Submit to August's chat.

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