Celebritology: Paris Jackson, Pleated Pants, Paltrow's Cleanse, More

You've Been Served... a Heaping Plate of Gossip

Join Celebritology blogger Liz Kelly LIVE every Thursday at 2 p.m. ET to gab about the latest celebrity pairings (and splittings), rising stars (and falling ones), and get the scoop on the latest gossip making waves across the Web.

Celebritology Live Archive

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Liz Kelly: Afternoon.

So MJ's dermatologist says he once donated sperm, but is pretty sure he's not the father of Jackson's kids. Let's hope for their sake, he's not. They might not be able to handle being that attractive.

Some Weisenheimer (did I even spell that right?) posted this fake Jon Gosselin dating video to FunnyorDie.com. I'm leaning towards funny.

And a British paper owned by Rupert Murdoch is suspected of having hacked into a slew of mobile phones owned by celebs and politicians -- including our girl Gwyneth.

Speaking of Gwyneth -- she's back with more health advice. Today recommending a three-week cleanse for general health and well-being. I was thinking we could all start next week.

Okay -- let's get started...

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NOVA: Liz - you look a lot like my friend Juli. Are you twins in real life?

Liz Kelly: Well, that depends. Is her father's name Dr. Arnold Klein?

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Addendum to the intro: Producer Paul, who is into research and whatnot, says the Clean Program touted by Gwynnie surfaced in the top 10 of Google Trends today.

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Field Trip: Liz,

I think we should organize a class trip to NYC to see Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman on Broadway. Just announce they are starring in "A Steady Rain." Not sure what it's about, but I envision a lot of wet clothing.

Liz Kelly: That's not the worst idea I ever heard. Maybe we could charter one of the Chinatown buses.

But could we change the show to Jude Law's upcoming stint as "Hamlet?"

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No comment from Prince?: I have not seen any comment at all from Prince about Michael Jackson's death. We know The Purple One is a recluse at times, but you'd think he would have at least issued some brief, official statement of his condolences. What gives?

Liz Kelly: I'm glad you brought this up, because although Tuesday's memorial tribute was a star-studded affair it was interesting to note who wasn't there. Prince... Oprah... Paul McCartney... Lisa Marie Presley...

Even Diana Ross's absence was felt, despite the letter sent along and read by Smoky Robinson.

But, hey, at least Corey Feldman showed.

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Washington, D.C.: Are MJ's children in school? Will they have continuity in their education if they live with the Jacksons?

Liz Kelly: According to this New York Post article, no:

Prince Michael Joseph, 12, Paris Michael, 11, and Prince Michael II, a k a "Blanket," 7, have never attended a day of school. They've never known a neighborhood friend. They sleep together in the same room. And the only outsiders they know are strangers their father would bring in to entertain them.

And:

"I'm going to build a computer school on the grounds [of Neverland]," Jackson said in an interview. "How can they go into society? He's Prince Michael Jackson. She's Paris Katherine Michael Jackson. It would be too difficult."

These kids can't just suddenly be enrolled in a school and expected to bounce back, as I tried to get at in today's main post. Their life has been singularly unusual up until now. They'll need a lot of help to come through this unscathed.

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Atlanta via NOVA: Okay, so lately I've noticed that ALL of the men in my office wear pleated front pants. Is it a Southern thing, or do they just have bad taste? And how do I get them to fix themselves??

Liz Kelly: This is a serious problem. Have you talked to HR? Maybe there's some kind of expert that can be brought in to try to re-educate these men.

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Who's was bigger?: Michael Jackson or Princess Diana? Can you think of any sendoff larger than their's?

Liz Kelly: John F. Kennedy's comes to mind, though I wasn't alive at the time.

The Jackson event 31 million viewers which, as Lisa D. points out in today's column, is pretty significant considering it was held in the middle of a workday. That's compared to the 33 million who tuned in to Princess Diana's memorial, which was held on a Saturday.

Also, remember that the Diana funeral took place before streaming video was a possibility on the Interwebs (I know, I was diligently updating the AOL News coverage of it at the time). So we need to adjust for the folks who were likely watching along on their 'puters. Like me.

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Arlington, Va.: "Michael Keaton checks out the bat cave."

OMG I'm still laffin'....

washingtonpost.com: Heh. Celebs Doing Things

Liz Kelly: Glad you liked that one. Thanks for letting me know. Though it'll probably only encourage me.

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Baltimore: How could Jackson get away with not educating his children?

Liz Kelly: I have a feeling we'll find out more about this in the coming days. Remember he lived overseas for much of the past decade -- Bahrain, Ireland, England.

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Kate Gosselin in MD?: No, I'm not referring to a doctor, but rather, Maryland. I heard she was in Rockville - do you have a scoop?

Liz Kelly: Is this in addition to the Kate sighting we talked about last week. Thai Pavilion, I believe?

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Boston: How did Jackson's daughter find her way to the microphone at the end of the service? Did she go on her own? It seemed a little weird to see the Jackson family push the mic down to her...

Liz Kelly: From what I've read, she was insistent on making a statement after hearing uncle Jermaine Jackson sing MJ's favorite song, "Smile."

It makes sense -- here's a child who has spent her 11 years of life in practical isolation with Michael Jackson at the center of that very small universe. He is all she knows and, with the fervor of a child, she wanted the world to know how devastated she is. That said, I'm not sure it was a good idea to allow her to speak -- or even to have the kids in the front row, or at the memorial at all. It strikes me as asking a lot of children to trot them out into an arena full of strangers to be broadcast on live TV so soon after the only parent they've ever known dies.

My other thought when the kids were surrounded by LaToya, Janet, Jermaine and the rest of the aunts and uncles was "I wonder if they'd ever met these children before Jacko's death?"

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ALL of the men in my office wear pleated front pants: Liz, maybe you could do a series of helpful posters that could be placed in workplace lunchrooms, next to the employee assistance posters.

Liz Kelly: That is such a great idea. I am totally going to do this. Stay tuned for these next week. We'll have them available in handy PDF-ready format.

Now to come up with some punchy slogans.

How about "Don't let your pants de-pleat your image. Get flat."

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Pleated pants: Thank you!! My husband claims that pleated pants are more formal - I told him it makes him look hippy. His tux was pleated at our wedding - thank God the jacket covered it. Seriously, the pleats are just there to make room for cell phones, wallets and all the other junk men carry in their pockets. When will they start using a European carry-all?

Liz Kelly: There is nothing formal about pleated pants. Your husband has been misled, probably by his father who was similarly misled by his father -- who can be forgiven for wearing pleated pants because he was a newsie during the prohibition era.

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Bigger than MJ: Someone suggested Elvis...but I have no stats to back that up

washingtonpost.com: Pope JP2?

Liz Kelly: Stalin?

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Seattle: Enough sad talk. I have two words: Gabriel Aubry. I think he may be the best looking man on earth and he seems really down to earth. Those pics of him this week with Halle and the baby at the pool were especially nice. And I don't usually go for the pretty boys!

washingtonpost.com: Gabriel Aubry, Take Two

Liz Kelly: I was thinking of actually writing a love note to him this week as one of my main posts, but thought that might be weird.

He is smoking hot, though. You go, Halle.

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Nosy Parker: "How could Jackson get away with not educating his children?" I read somewhere that they were multilingual, so I assume they've had private tutors. For better or worse, that used to be common among the uber-wealthy.

Liz Kelly: They spoke English and Bubbles.

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Phiadelphia: I can't believe North Korea hacked the Washington Post website. Afterall---kIM jONG iLL iS A kIND aND bENEVOLENT lEADER.

washingtonpost.com: And an amazing golfer.

Liz Kelly: I can only respond with this.

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Oprah's noticeable absence: Didn't Oprah, as a victim of child molestation herself, cut off all contact with MJ after he admitted to some skeevy details re: seeing nothing wrong with his sleeping with young children? Even if MJ wasn't convicted, he admitted on TV to things that most mainstream parents would find unacceptable behavior.

Liz Kelly: I think you're right, yes.

ut considering Al Sharpton's assertion that MJ made Oprah possible, you'd think she'd be there to pay her respects.

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Duped by Goop!: Based on your recommendation (and yes, I'm blaming you), I signed up for the Goop. The first few weeks were great - cookies! Enviro-friendly products! BLTs with avocado!

Now's it's all about cleansing?

Do you think Gwynnie gets a kick-back from the good Dr. from anyone who buys the stuff from his website? I see her picture on his page.

Liz Kelly: I've been wondering the same thing. Half the time GOOP is really folksy and helpful -- recipes and whatnot. The other half really comes off as an infomercial or a clone of Oprah's highly-sponsored Favorite Things.

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Chantilly, Va.: Ooh! Ooh! "Tough guys don't wear pleats!" with a picture of Tony Soprano. Um, maybe not Tony ...

Liz Kelly: I like it.

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Dupont Circle South: I am a regular reader of the blog but this is my first time on the chat, and man, you are hilarious. More so in chat responses than comes through in the blog. I am snickering at my desk at work trying to not arouse attention.

Liz Kelly: Wow, thanks. I think.

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Newsflash, via Perez: Don't worry, those Jackson children will be fine! Perez has an excerpt from Roseanne's blog in which she says she is there for the kids! Problem solved. (I actually loved Roseanne's show and her sense of humor, I just think it's beyond crazy to think that she could help them out.)

washingtonpost.com: Roseanne Talks About & Apologizes To Michael Jackson

Liz Kelly: I'm beginning to think Angelina Jolie might be the sanest option for these kids. Considering the alternatives.

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Pleats: Back in The Day, pleats were considered more formal, so I can see why people still cling to that view, but does anyone actually think they look GOOD in them? Honestly. Daniel Craig's tux in "Casino Royale" had flat front trousers. Nuff said.

Liz Kelly: Right. Pleats are shlumpy. Flat front -- classic.

You know who wears pleats? Archie Bunker. George Costanza. Newman! These are not the people we want to emulate when it comes to style.

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Poster idea, with dog: What does a dog do that you can step into? Pants. But please, not pleated ones.

Liz Kelly: It needs a little work, but I like the idea.

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Richmond, Va.: While he is not a celebrity, my husband insists on wearing black shoes with brown pants. Like nice wool work-type pants and black dress shoes. I think it looks goofy. He doesn't wear pleated pants though, so he could be right. I would welcome your opinions...

washingtonpost.com: Is he wearing a black tie or sweater? I feel like more information is needed.

Liz Kelly: And what color belt?

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Los Angeles: A friend and mine were commenting that no media rep has contacted Weird Al for a quote...considering that he parodied several of MJ's videos, there are worse people to get sound bites from.

Liz Kelly: Just a sec, there -- I tried to contact Weird Al for a comment and was met with radio silence. I'm guessing others had the same lack of access.

Weird Al did, however, Twitter some quick thoughts soon after Jackson's death:

"Oh man. Can't believe it. RIP Michael Jackson.

and:

Sorry, but my feelings about the MJ tragedy cannot be adequately articulated in 140 characters.

And that, as they say, is all he wrote.

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The kids: Thanks for the post today. In my mind, the silver lining in MJ's death is that the kids can have more normal lives.

The one thing that needs to stop is the tabloids searching for their "real" father. They had a real father. Whether or not he was the bio-dad doesn't matter. The only reason the tabloid's want the name of the donor is to set up a custody/money war that currently isn't happening. The media really needs to stop with the sperm donor though. It hurts adopted kids everywhere. (If Brad Pitt dies, is the media going to hunt for Maddox, Zahara and Pax's real father?)

Liz Kelly: I completely agree. For these kids, Jackson was and will always be their father. The biological question doesn't need to be answered -- unless someone wanted to press a custody suit.

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Why Al Sharpton?: Was MJ friends with Al Sharpton? Had they ever met? Or is it possible that Rev Al just showed up and started blathering into the cameras, and every member of the clan assumed someone else had invited him?

Liz Kelly: Yep, they'd met.

Us Weekly today posted audio of Sharpton laughing at and deriding Jackson in a radio interview. And this wasn't, like, years ago. This was in 2008.

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Anonymous: Michael Jackson's isolated children remind me a lot of the homeschooled kids I've met. And when they leave home to go to college or attend a regular school, the culture shock is not a pretty picture. They have no social skills, no sense of how to interact with other people and tend to go way overboard with the sex, drugs and rock and roll. That their academic skills are often sub-par is just the icing on the cake.

Liz Kelly: To be fair, there are also plenty of home-schooled kids who do just fine and are given social outlets in other ways -- sports teams, clubs, etc.

For these kids, the issue isn't so much whether or not they attended school, but that their dad kept them isolated from pretty much everyone except a small circle of adults and forced them to wear veils and masks when they did surface from time to time.

I guess what I keep thinking about is that these are kids who have been raised to view the world through the lens of Michael Jackson's perceptions and eccentricities. No matter what else we may disagree on, I think we can all agree that the guy was a little, umm, eccentric. That's where the culture shock is going to come from -- not from what education they may or may not have had up to this point.

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Cyberspace, VA.: I have verifiable data of popularity, using an index once suggested by Gene Weingarten: the number of Google results. Here are the results as of a few minutes ago:

Princess Diana - 7,560,000

Elvis Presley - 17,800,000

Jesus Christ - 47,600,000

Michael Jackson 184,000,000

Liz Kelly: Oh, well, then that settles it once and for all. Let us not speak of this again.

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Curmudgeon: I'm all for Gwynnie's 3-week cleanse thingy, as long as it doesn't involve enemas and beans.

Liz Kelly: Together or separately, eh?

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Infatuation: Liz,

I have recently started dream dating Don Draper. Given that he's fictional, can you please give me some industry scoop on his real-life face, Jon Hamm? But leave out the part about him being wonderfully devoted to his longtime girlfriend.

Thx.

washingtonpost.com: Dead plants spring to life when he walks by, I hear.

Liz Kelly: True fact: Jon Hamm wears flat front pants. Jon Hamm also not at the Michael Jackson tribute.

Draw your own conclusions.

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New England: I keep seeing women sporting the Kate Gosselin hairdo. Is this not as bad as pleated pants? These women look ridiculous.

Liz Kelly: Yes, I saw a few Kates when I took my nephews to the Air & Space Museum earlier this week. It is a growing problem. But we can't do everything, dammit. We've got to solve this pleated pants problem before we can even think of taking on the Kate 'do or balding men who wear bandannas.

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Washington, D.C.: Kal Penn - er, excuse me - Kalpen Modi has begun his White House OPE stint. Can we officially start gawking? Think he'll be up for attending the next Celebritology Happy Hour?

Liz Kelly: I'll make sure his invitation isn't lost in the mail. I'm guessing Mr. Modi probably has better things to do. But he may be sorry when he realizes he missed a chance to win a post.com branded ball point pen.

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San Francisco: why should anyone have expected Prince to show up? Because their prime music-making years coincided (up for debate)? Because he's another weird performer of color? Because he shares a name with one of MJ's kids? I don't get that and think it's unfair to suggest Prince was somehow remiss to skip the memorial. I don't understand why you include him in the list.

And, frankly, why come up with said list? Except Brooke Shields and immediate family, it seems like anyone who was really close to the guy saw this event for the media spectacle it was and avoided being anywhere close to it. If MJ were near and dear to me, I'm not sure I'd want to honor his memory in a stadium filled with thousands of people. Tacky.

Liz Kelly: I'm not at all suggesting Prince or any of the rest of the people on the list were remiss for sharing the memorial. Quite the contrary, in fact -- I think it was telling that they didn't attend and their absence speaks volumes.

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um: Aren't more people named Michael Jackson than Elvis Presley?

washingtonpost.com: Look, just do what the Google says, okay?

Liz Kelly: Paul gets feisty when anyone starts defying Google.

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Tai Shan: A Happy Birthday shoutout to Tai Shan (aka Butterstick), the National Zoo's teenage panda, who turned four today and enjoyed a lovely ice cake with beet juice, bamboo and assorted fruit.

Liz Kelly: Thanks for the report. I wish we had a pic.

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Canton, Ohio: That Alec Baldwin-Jack Cafferty faceoff sounds like just the beginning of trouble for Mr. 30 Rock if he plans to run for office. Alec cannot be serious -- right ?

washingtonpost.com: Alec Baldwin: Man of the People

And I would like to remind Jack Cafferty that coffee is for closers!

Liz Kelly: I think Alec says in that piece that he was approached about running for office way back in 1996, so he was as surprised as anyone to hear Cafferty using him as an example of a celeb unfit for office.

And Baldwin totally wins this round.

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European Carry-All: aka "Man Purse" or "Man Bag"? Are American men confident enough?

washingtonpost.com: Yes, we are.

Look, this is easy -- 1) Don't wear pleated pants unless you want to look like you've strapped on an accordion codpiece. 2) Your socks should match your pants, not your shoes.

Done and done.

Liz Kelly: I think maybe Paul went to Ireland's Four Courts for lunch.

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New York, NY: Liz,

What do you think about Mariah Carey apologizing for her performance? I just thought it was so silly ... again, all about Mimi.

It was a tribute for the King of Pop for crying out loud.

Your kimchi gal in NY

Liz Kelly: Kimchi! Miss you!

I think Mariah did a fine job of singing at the memorial and she knows it and is merely using the event as an excuse to talk a little bit more about herself.

That said, I believe the comment was something she Twittered -- and if I was to be held accountable for every off-hand thought I've Twittered or posted to Facebook, I'd be looking like an egomaniac, too.

No comments from the peanut gallery, Paul.

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Don't let your pants de-pleat your image. Get flat: I would hang that in my coworkers cubicles. Right next to the icanhazcheezburger that says CROCS: Even the cat knows you shouldn't be seen in public wearing them.

Liz Kelly: Hear hear. Those LOL Cats R sew smart.

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Actual headline from ABC news Web site: How Will Michael Jackson's 'White' Kids Get Along in a Black Family?

I am speechless.

washingtonpost.com: Their site is stalling out at the moment, so I can't grab a link to this.

Liz Kelly: Yeesh -- I think we actually have an employee of ABCNews.com sitting in on today's chat, so maybe she'd like to give us a little insight into the headline and the story...

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Branded pen?!: How do I get a post.com branded pen?!

Liz Kelly: Come to the next happy hour -- sometime this fall.

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Hartford, Conn.: Liz, will you really be paying attention to the Lost chat or secretly seeing what Rex Lee has to say?

Liz Kelly: A girl can multitask, can't she?

And so can you. Seriously, follow both chats.

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Falls Church, Va.: How cute was that "speech" from James Franco?! I used to think that he was just a pretty boy with a smattering of talent, but he can laugh at himself too. I think that I gots me a new celebrity crush!

That said, what's his relationship status?

washingtonpost.com: James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech (NSFW)

Liz Kelly: It was a really good vid. It's rare that I have time to watch a vid all the way through at 6 a.m., but I stayed with Franco's until the end. So good. So funny. So self-effacing.

I wish he could've been that good when he guest-hosted SNL.

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Wow, this is great!: Where else do we get references to codpieces, Weird Al, Don Draper and pandas? I love this chat!

Liz Kelly: And cats. Don't forget cats.

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Brooke and Michale: What was the connection between Brooke Shields and MJ?

Liz Kelly: They were both child stars and bonded over that. They became friends in the early '80s and Brooke often accompanied Michael to awards shows and other events.

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Eccentric families: Not to sound like the scary OP blog, but I'm guessin' the Jolie-Pitt brood will also have some serious culture shock when they go out into the real world. Their life is far from normal, too. There are some celebs whose kids are for all intents and purposes invisible (which is as it should be). Meryl Streep, Sissy Spacek and Brooke Shields come to mind.

Liz Kelly: Agreed -- I was just thinking that in a choice between the Jolie-Pitt family and Katherine Jackson (which means Papa Joe, too), I'd choose the Jolie-Pitts.

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Washington, D.C.: I can't believe I'm responding to this chat, but here goes. What is the problem with pleats? They are engineered to serve a purpose: provide some extra space in the pants so things aren't skin tight.

Lets face it, most of us don't have the physique of Daniel Craig, and skin tight is not a good look. And if you're wearing plain front pants, a single item in the pocket (say, car key) immediately shows through.

Plain front pants have their place, just not in most business dress work environments.

Liz Kelly: We've been down this road before, but just to reiterate: If your flat fronts are too tight, then you're wearing pants that are too small. An appropriately sized pair of flat fronts should be just as comfortable as pleats. This idea that pleats are needed to allow for Hulk-like thighs or other super-sized body parts is a joke.

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washingtonpost.com: Photos: Tai Shan Turns Four

Liz Kelly: yay!

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McLean, Va.: Regarding the Liz Taylor and Diana Ross no-shows. Is it possible that they were more skeeved out by Michael Jackson's perversions than they let on in public? The path of least resistance was to just send a statement, whether they actually meant what they said or not.

Liz Kelly: I think that's what many are wondering. I think Berry Gordy had similar reservations about Michael. He was the only one at the memorial who even mentioned that Jackson had made some "questionable decisions" in life.

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So over it: May we please, pretty please, not talk about Michael Jackson during this hour? He's gone. The memorial service was days ago. Enough! It's bad enough that we're going to have to go through another round when the toxicology results come back. Please???

Liz Kelly: Oops just saw this. How about next week?

Gotta go. Time to talk some "Lost" -- see you here next week.

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