The Web Hostess: Wedding Dance Videos, E-Mail Protocol, Annoying Facebook Friends, More

Got a viral video to share or a Netiquette question that needs an answer? (Answer: Facebook friend your ex only if you were the dumpee.) Our Web Hostess, Monica Hesse, sifts the Internet in search of meaning, manners, and the next great meme.

Monica is a staff writer for the Style section, where she writes about pop culture and the Web, including stories about 4chan, the Facebook frustrations of people with odd names, whether a texter can love a twitterer, Twitter's literary merit, her love of Web shows like "The Guild" and the rudeness of texting while talking.

____________________

Monica Hesse: Hey Everyone, and thanks for logging in to this inaugural chat. Couple things before we start:

1) My mom asked me what kinds of things we would talk about here. I told her that I anticipated lots of talk about social networks and Twitter, lots of sharing of viral videos (or things that should become viral videos) or Web sites, lots of arguing about online manners and ethics. Basically: if it's has anything to do with a screen that receives Internet access, we'll talk about it here. Mostly, I hope the discussion will be guided by whatever is on your minds and iPhones. (That help, Mom?)

2) To get us started, here are a couple videos that you may or may not have seen:

This new "divorce dance" video is in response to the "wedding dance" video everyone was watching a few weeks ago. I'm one of the few people who didn't love the original wedding video. I'm curious to know if there are others, and why.

Here's the original:

Recently YouTube has had a rash of people making videos...of themselves...watching videos. Here's an example:

Two girls watching the trailor for "New Moon":

Then there's Willilam Shatner watching the "Star Trek" Trailer.

These follow granddaddy, the hundreds of YouTube videos of people watching the gross-out video "Two Girls, One Cup." Videos of watchers are way more popular than original, which is actually pretty hard to find. A few weeks ago, "Tosh.0" on Comedey Central made a mass Reaction Video.

These are either bizarrely compelling or insanely boring. Takers on either side? And why?

3) Pruning Facebook friends: yay or nay?

And...anything else about the Internets you want to talk about. Ready, go.

_______________________

DC: Hi Monica. I've seen your stuff in the Style section. Always fun. Is this discussion new?

Anyway, here's my question. What do I do with a really annoying Facebook friend who constantly posts vitriolic, factually incorrect (mostly politically related) updates? On the one hand, I feel like I could just ignore him. On the other hand, I feel like he shouldn't be allowed to spread misinformation without anyone taking him to task. What do I do? And if I do intervene, what's the best way to do it w/out making him lose face and w/out me getting into the middle of a comment war?

Monica Hesse: Thanks! Yep, the discussion's new. We'll be here every Wednesday at 1.

Two questions:

1) How factually inaccurate are we talking here? Are we talking getting numbers wrong, or spreading Birther propoganda?

2) How much of a wackadoodle is your friend? Is s/he the type of person to normally be persuaded by reason, or the type to cling to wrong-ness for the sake of clinging?

If it's possible to gently point out inaccuracies with a link and a short note ("Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you said Sarah Palin has a literal devil's horns, when in fact..."), then go ahead and do it. But be prepared to enter into a Facebook wall war of decreasing maturity and coherence.

Other options are to send your bud a private message, or to (gasp) unfriend.

How have other people dealt with vitriolic facebook posts? Is it any different then responding to vitriolic email forward? Do you feel more bound to address Facebook vomit because it feels more public than email?

_______________________

Meme: What does this word really mean and how did its use become so popular?

Monica Hesse: Good question. Who knows.

A generally accepted definition: Online, a meme is a catchphrase, video, or idea that spreads through the Internet. Some famous examples: the idea of marking a picture or an idea as a "Fail" is a meme. So was the practice of "RickRolling," where innocuous-looking links were hijacked and replaced with videos of "Never Gonna Give You Up." Think of it as a trend -- something you suddenly see everywhere.

As for when the word became popular...the first memes I remember are the Ally McBeal dancing baby, and the Hamster dance (dances make really good memes). Anyone else have an earlier memory?

_______________________

Hostess: Will there be Twinkies awarded for the best question?

washingtonpost.com: No, but if they would like to offer us a sponsorship...

Monica Hesse: Will you settle for spending an hour with a Ding Dong?

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: Don't Facebook your exes, especially if you were the dumpee! Just makes you look pathetic, and no good can come of it.

Monica Hesse: Really? What if it's been five years, and you're both happily involved in other relationships? What if you were all in the same social circle, and you've conspicuously friended everyone else *but* your ex?

I'd actually argue it's more dangerous for the dumper to friend, just based on the number of people I've heard say things like, "The guy who broke my heart just friended me. What does it meeeeeean?" or: "The girl who mocked my bangs in seventh grade just friended me. What does that mean?"

90% of the time, it means nothing. Nada. Means they wanted to see where you work and if you have cute kids. And yet friend requests cause surprising anguish for wounded parties.

_______________________

Denver: What's the deal with the videos on YouTube about Swine Flu screenings on airplanes? For example Swine flu screening of United flight 857? Do we just enjoy the spectre of guys in moon suits harassing passengers?

Monica Hesse: I've seen these! They're fascinating! Everyone go look!

_______________________

DC: My roommate and I are betting. How do you pronounce your last name?

Monica Hesse: Rhymes with "messy." Unless you're pronouncing it the German way. Then it rhymes with...well, then it doesn't rhyme with anything. Just sounds like "Hess-uh."

_______________________

East Falls Church: I had no problem at all with the Wedding Dance video. It was pretty cute and fun. Why did you not love it?

Monica Hesse: I didn't love it because I found myself wondering if it would be the equivalent of a saggy tattoo in 50 years. "And we were thinking...what?" Everyone wants something unique for their wedding, which, all things aside, is kind of a big, serious deal. I worry that what seems unique now will just seem wacko later.

Plus, I have weird discomfort with watching people dance.

But what do I know. I served hot dogs at my rehearsal dinner.

_______________________

Pittsburgh: At what rates are Twitter and Facebook gaining new members? When do you think these increases will start to level off, or maybe even decrease? What do you anticipate will be the Next Big Thing in social networking?

Monica Hesse: This is a fascinating question.

I don't have exact numbers at hand (I'll look them up for next week), though I think that the real question is how sticky these sites are. Most of Twitter's users, for example, visit once or twice, but may not become regular users.

Part of Twitter and Facebook's success has been their willingness to adapt to mobile technology -- to have user friendly apps on iPhones and other mobile devices. I think that whatever the next big thing is will perfect this technology. Consumers don't want to socially network from their laptops, but from their cell phones, Blackberrys, and whatever else they happen to be carrying. Successful social networks are the ones that allow us to integrate our online groups with our real, daily life.

Other thoughts on the next big thing?

_______________________

Raleigh, N.C.: What's a good way to tell family and acquaintances not to use my email address for mass emails and forwards?

I usually reply with something like this: "I love to hear from you! I prefer that my private email address not be used for mass emails and forwards. Feel free, however, to add my hotmail addy to your mailing list for funnies so I can share your laughs when I have some relaxation time."

Do you have suggestions for better phrasing?

Monica Hesse: Actually, I think that phrasing is pretty great.

The problem is that people have a hard enough time keeping track of one email address. Telling them that they have to 1) Use two, and 2) Remember what jokes get sent to Gmail and what goes to Hotmail, might be asking too much. I've made similar requests in the past, but found that people eventually drift over to emailing me at whatever address I seem to check more.

So I think you have two solutions: The hardline position is to tell your friends that you just can't do mass forwards At All. Preferably in a self-deprecating way, like: "I'm drowning in my own backlog of unread emails. Can you save me from my own incompetence by removing me from your mass list? I want to be sure I open the ones that really matter."

Your second option, the wimpy-but-inoffensive-one, is to weigh how much you like hearing from your friends vs. how irritating and plentiful those emails are. Assuming that friends win, just start deleting the mass ones.

_______________________

Silver Spring: East Falls Church: I had no problem at all with the Wedding Dance video. It was pretty cute and fun. Why did you not love it? --------

When you look back on your wedding do you want to say it was cute and fun? Your wedding, not your reception.

I think the bottom line as to why I hate it: It takes something as serious as marriage and treats it like just another party. What is wrong with serious? You are making a lifetime commitment. Or is this just another "whatever" here today, gone tomorrow inside joke that doesn't mean much?

Monica Hesse: Someone who is more articulate than me.

_______________________

JK Wedding Video: I did not like it. At all. I thought it cheapened what should have been something special.

I know, I know - people will say, "But EVERYONE walks down the aisle, slow and boring. That's not special."

But name one, single other time in your life besides your wedding that you will make a solemn entrance like that.

But how many goofy, funny things does a young couple like that do? Why turn a once in a lifetime occasion into just another goof?

Monica Hesse: Another hater. Or, semi-hater.

_______________________

Falls Church, Va: Whether it's Facebook, Twitter or e-mail, when I see lies or ignorance, I try first to cheerily introduce my friends to snopes.com and PolitiFact.com as impartial parties. That's step one.

When the falsification persists, it has to go behind public postings to keep the ugliness minimal. If that doesn't work, I have actually de-friended in at least one case. :(

Monica Hesse: I think this is a ruthlessly sane position. Gently correcting in public, followed by gently bickering in private, followed by designating someone a wackadoodle.

Snopes and Politifact are especially good suggestions -- bringing in a third party is a good way to distance yourself from the debate. You're not getting personal, you're just sharing unbiased information.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: I'd like to note for the record that I'm not a big fan of the wedding video. I thought it was gimmicky and made just for YouTube, plus the dancing wasn't actually that exceptional. Sorry to be a hater, but I prefer the Baby Got Back first dance wedding video. That couple can dance.

Monica Hesse: Baby Got Back prompted a whole rash of quirky, silly wedding videos. That rash can be known as...a meme!

_______________________

Re: Political facebook posts: Another option when dealing with annoyingly political facebook posts is to hide that person's updates. I do this with friends who I politically can't "unfriend" (friend of my husband's, coworker, etc) but whose updates I don't want to see anymore.

If you don't know how to do this-click on the upper right hand part of that person's updates--you'll see a drop down box appear and you can click "hide X's updates". (This is also good for hiding quizzes too!)

Monica Hesse: Another good suggestion. The old "We can be friends as long as I don't have to regularly encounter how bat crazy you are" approach.

_______________________

Philadelphia: What's the right, professional way of opening an IM at work? I usually punch in something like "Hey Jim, ya there?"

Monica Hesse: Professional IMs! We have reached the day!

I think your approach is fine. In more casual office environments, IMs are often treated as simply dropping in in the middle of a conversation. Which means a formal greeting isn't necessary at all -- you can start with: "So, I checked on those numbers we were talking about earlier, and..."

_______________________

MySpace: Did you see the movie "Funny People"? I ask because there's a part in the movie where Adam Sandler's character goes to perform for a MySpace corporate event.

Anyway it got me thinking--how many people use MySpace anymore? I have an account I rarely check. Whenever I do, I have friend requests from spammers and bands. Very few of my friends are on MySpace, and those who are rarely update their profiles. Do lots of people still use it?

I'm more of a Facebook person, but not super into the social network Web sites.

Monica Hesse: That reference irked me to the point that I was thinking of writing an article on it. The Internet changes fast. Hollywood film production is slow. As a result, when movies reference the latest technology, it's often ridiculously out of date. (So, I Friendstered the guy, and...). I was also bothered by it in He's Just Not That Into You, when Drew Barrymore's love interest MySpaces her.

I'd love to see other examples of this. Send them to me at hessem@washpost.com.

_______________________

Dupont Circle, D.C.: I don't understand how people can be critical of what someone else did at their own wedding. I bet you guys all go to weddings and spend the time commenting about the terrible food and the music selection and whether they used the right language during the exchange of vows. Get over yourselves. Be happy for the couple.

Monica Hesse: True too!

_______________________

What Facebook needs: A "history" section. I'm back in contact with all these people from school, but there is no place for people to put "What I've been up to since graduation." I can kinda get ideas from pics and wall messages and stuff, but it would make life a whole lot easier if there was a place to put a timeline. I need more past and less "right this second" info.

Monica Hesse: I'm gonna go a step further and say that I wish that theoretical history section could be viewable to people you're not friends with. I know I've friended several people because I haven't talked to them in ages and I want to see what they're up do. Then once I do (Oh, Cool. Works for Fandango, has a pug mix, has taken up knitting), I'm good. Curiosity satiated. We rarely become close Facebook buddies; we're just appendages on each other's friend lists.

_______________________

Arlington, Va.: P.S. -- I think this is a great live chat, and you seem very intelligent and funny, and I wish you lots of luck here!

Monica Hesse: This is my mom, right?

_______________________

Oslo, Norway: Are there any clear guidelines about when cc'ing others on an e-mail is proper? Though you should never send a message that you wouldn't want others to see, I've been taken aback numerous times when a third party has been brought into what was supposed to be two-way correspondence.

Monica Hesse: This is egreeeegious. Third (and fourth, and fifth) parties should never be brought in mid-discussion, though they often are: "So, Frank, Alice was just talking about how you're a tool..."

Which is why the number 1 rule of email correspondance continues to be: Do not write it if you're not comfortable with every living human and plant on the planet reading it.

_______________________

Chicago: So nearly every one of my journalism classes is wrapped up in discussing the horrors of online journalism/media in general, and how quality content is destined to be lost in a maelstrom of factually inaccurate articles and pictures of people putting captions on cats.

Chowever, during my (brief) tenure interning as a music blogger, I actually found the opposite to be true-- because so many people are reading your updates at any one time they will jump your word-I'm-not-sure-I'm-allowed-to-type-on-WaPo for next to ANYTHING, from a factual error to a typo to saying the Black Kids are over-rated (note: they are).

What do you think? Do you think this kind of public-policing is limited to niche reporting because it targets a specific audience? Do you think it's easier to get away with bad journalism online?

Monica Hesse: There are a whole passel (I just used "passel." Did I spell it right?) of issues wrapped up in this question.

There's a world of difference between online journalism produced by news outlets (print or online), and online "journalism" produced by individuals wearing tinfoil hats. There's a world of difference between various blogs. Some are copiously researched and factually accurate. Some are not. So, when we say online journalism, what are we talking about?

I'm a huge fan of public policing, and I don't think it only happens online, and I don't think it happens only in niches. I'm a general assignment reporter, and I'm regularly bombarded with people (both through email and through honest to gosh letters) taking me to task for things I did that annoyed, torqued, or otherwise made them sad.

_______________________

Gaithersburg, MD: . . .you could do a whole hour on e-mail etiquette! One of my pet peeves is people who forward an e-mail I've sent them w/o telling/asking me. This usually happens in a business setting, but I've had some personal e-mails like this also.

Oh, and "reply to all" . . . . hate it!

Monica Hesse: Check out my colleague Ruch McCann's Monday chat. She did a whole hour devoted to email CLOSINGS. You will never be able to type "Cheers" again without second guessing yourself.

_______________________

washingtonpost.com: E-Mail Signoffs: What To Write

_______________________

Indianapolis: I recently mixed business & pleasure by adding coworkers to Facebook. Yesterday a coworker posted that she was going to take a nap in her office. Other coworkers saw this post too, but nobody told her supervisor. I was conflicted. I wanted to at least wake her up, but I did nothing in the end. What would you advise?

Monica Hesse: The odd thing about Facebook is that even though it's designed to POST ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION FOR EVERYONE YOU KNOW, people frequently forget that it POSTS ALL OF YOUR INFORMATION FOR EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

I'd deal with this in a "gentle reminder that you are public" sort of way. Mention, laughing, that you saw her status update. Mention, laughing, that you hope the boss didn't. Hopefully, she'll get the picture.

_______________________

New York, NY: This "wedding video" to which you all keep referring is actually a "wedding ENTRANCE video." It's how they walked down the aisle -- it has nothing to do with the wedding itself.

You have NO IDEA how somber the wedding vows were, how tearjerking the readings were, how religious the officiant's words were, etc. They all lined up in a pretty traditional form once they reached the altar, so I have a feeling that it was pretty staid from there. (And they all wore matchy-match dresses and tuxes, so how untraditional could that wedding have been?)

Monica Hesse: Valid point.

_______________________

Opening professional IM conversations: IM is a constantly-used communication tool in my business. I hate it when people IM me with "hello" and just sit there waiting for me to respond. Put some content in there, please. I'm usually doing 8 things at once; I don't want to have to "hello" at you all day long when it's only been 15 minutes since our last IM conversation. If you want to be polite, great, but please say, "Hello, do you know where the thing is?" I have gotten to the point where I just ignore "hellos" until the other person actually puts some content in.

Monica Hesse: For the chatter looking for professional IM guidelines...

_______________________

Los Angeles: I'm not in love with the wedding video, but I do think it's kind of cute. The reason it works, for me, is that the guests are clearly into it. That suggests to me that this is something that a LOT of their friends get about them. (My husband and I would never have taken this approach to walking down the aisle, but that's us.)

But I think the divorce video is a riot. I think it's the bailiffs that really make that video.

Monica Hesse: And for me it was the end, where it turned into a slow-mo post-modern ballet.

_______________________

Washington, D.C.: As reported this morning, ESPN recently threw down the hammer on it's employees social networking. I understand the corporate types want control, but isn't that counterproductive? The internet serves to break down boundaries allowing individuals who would never speak to each other to connect (take you and I for instance). Transparency of process, humanization of institution, and understanding through conversation... does corporate America fear these things, or is it simply a fear of the unknown? How do we help them "get it"?

Monica Hesse: Transparency, humanization...and common sense. We are getting to the point where having a Facebook account is like being in the White Pages. Especially for under-30s, it's the single easiest way to locate and get in touch with people.

Perhaps if employees could explain how it helps them do their job -- in a nuts and bolts kind of way, not a touchy feely kind of way -- the doubters could begin to become convinced.

_______________________

Monica Hesse: There are at least a dozen wonderful, thought-provoking questions in the queue that I didn't have time to get to. If you send them again for next week, and comment that you tried to submit this week, I'll try to prioritize them.

In the meantime, send any videos, Web sites, or quirks of the Internet to hessem@washpost.com. Look forward to chatting next week.

_______________________

Washington, DC : Your article on hipsters in Columbia Heights is getting a lot of attention (mostly negative and hilarious) on DCist. Are you going to post a response video on YouTube?

Monica Hesse: I lied! One more! A response YouTube video from me would be insanely boring, and not nearly as entertaining for readers as what's happening on DCist. But feel free to email me with questions. I'm a speedy responder.

_______________________

Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions. washingtonpost.com is not responsible for any content posted by third parties.