John Kelly's Washington: Redskins Ban at FedEx Field, Raking Leaves, More

John Kelly
Washington Post Metro Columnist
Friday, October 30, 2009; 12:00 PM

Post Metro columnist John Kelly was online Friday, Oct. 30, at Noon ET to chat about the people and stories that don't make the front pages, plus his latest columns.

Today: John talks about the Redskins banning all kinds of things at FedEx Field and maybe even his column.


John Kelly: Hello all and thanks for stopping by. What a week it's been! I never thought I'd say it, but I think I might actually be starting to feel sorry for Dan Snyder. Not necessarily for the way fans and the media are arguably piling on, but for the bad advice he must be getting from the people around him.

Does he have no one on his staff who can say, "Um, Mr. Snyder, this

sign ban

is probably gonna make us look bad. And forbidding fans from talking to the media ain't gonna help."

The best bosses surround themselves with smart people who aren't afraid to speak their minds. Or are the Redskins perfectly within their rights to do everything they've been doing?

Anything else happen this week? Well I wrote about

talking Oreos

. I'm at home right now and I actually can't hear them. Of course, they're being drowned out by the sound of the bowl of Halloween candy near the front door. Who knew those mini Milky Ways, KitKats and Crunch bars could make so much noise?

(I'm also hearing a chipmunk in the basement, but that's another story. We haven't caught the guy yet.)

Fall means leaves. Most readers were not at all happy with

the lady I wrote about

who complained about people parking on her nicely-raked leaf piles. What's the best way to get through this season of leaf blizzards?

Oh, and one other thing that was on my mind: Who cooks eggs in the nude? That's what a Fairfax County man says he might have been doing before he was

arrested for indecent exposure

. Some folks have been saying if you can't be naked in your own house, where can you be? I just don't think it's safe to be frying eggs with your, um, eggs all exposed like that. Well maybe he was soft-boiling them, you say. That's not much better.

Anyway, what are YOU being for Halloween? Save money on a costume by being the Naked Fairfax County Egg Fixer.

Let's go....


Tysons Corner, Va.: To paraphrase Yogi Berra, the FedEx sign ban is so ridiculous, it's ridiculous. The ban is ostensibly being enforced to minimize disruption of sight views for the fans. Under this logic, what really should be banned are Eagles and Cowboys fans. Believe me, these clowns instigate tons more disruptions and foul up sight views a whole lot more than a Dumb and Dumber Snyder/Cerrato sign. But what am I thinking, the few intelligent Eagle and Cowboy fans that exist are among Snyder's most loyal fans.

John Kelly: It's the Orwellianness (is that a word?) of it all that frosts me. Go ahead and ban signs. I probably wouldn't like it if a friend came to my house wearing a "John Kelly Sucks" T-shirt or carrying a "John Kelly Sucks" posterboard. But if I told him to leave I wouldn't lie about why. I'd say I didn't like his sign. I'd have more respect for the Redskins if they did that.


Arlington, Va.: Dan Snyder has banned my children from wearing Eagles jersey's to school. Are there no bounds on this man's power? On a more serious note, do you think the ban on signs was to prevent the use of signs criticizing the team?

John Kelly: That's what I think. Same way they banned people from bringing paper bags into the stadium, not wanting the TV audience to see images of fans so embarrassed by the team that they're covering their faces. (Here's a shot from a Nationals game.)

No one likes to be criticized, but surely taking that is part of what comes with being an owner. For better or worse, people are passionate about their teams. Also, I would think that a bank account full of millions of dollars would go a long way toward salving any pain you might feel from people expressing their displeasure at your team's performance.


Cathedral Heights, D.C.: Hey John -- The lady complaining about cars parking on leaf piles was waaaaay off base. Rather, people shouldn't be piling up their leaves in the street; they should be piled up in the tree box. Piling them in the street just takes up valuable parking space. And here in the District, every house is mailed a brochure about leaf collection and it specifically states NOT to pile leaves in the street. Of course, people still do it. Generally the wealthy in upper NW that hire others to do the work. Very aggravating. Not to mention the leaf blowers.

John Kelly: I've heard from many readers who've said the same thing. Now, this particular reader doesn't live in DC, so the rules may be different. Not every suburban neighborhood has tree boxes. Our house is on a hill so if I tried to rake the leaves to the front of my yard they would just roll into the street anyway. And people worry about killing their grass with the leaves sitting there, potentially for weeks.

What do you all do in your neighborhoods?


Silver Spring, Md.: John, I think you should review the events at Jonestown (Jonestown) and then consider whether "drinking the Kool-Aid" is really an appropriate phrase to use in your writing.

John Kelly: A brief play:

DAD (entering child's room): Man, this place is messy. It looks like a tornado came through here!

CHILD: Father, that is insensitive. Every year, innocent people are killed by tornadoes. You should be ashamed of yourself.

DAD: Um...Well, it looks like a tsunami spread all your toys everywhere.

CHILD: Father, have you forgotten the Boxing Day tsunami that, just a few short years ago, killed literally thousands in the Pacific? How can you make light of their suffering?

DAD: Yeah, you're right.... Well it looks like the Battle of the Somme was fought in here.

CHILD: I despair for you, Father. The Somme was a killing field, claiming the lives of literally hundreds of thousands...

DAD: Shut up. Clean your room or you're going to get some Kool-Aid.


Short Metro Rider: Re: straps vs. grab poles: the straps/spring-loaded-death-traps are in the wrong places to be the most effective. Currently, they seem to be in the areas of the seats where many, more conveniently located, bars are available. Where they are really needed -- by the doors, where crowds can often prevent short riders from getting to a pole or bar -- there is nothing. Metro could probably install fewer straps and have them be 10x as effective!

John Kelly: Right. The spring-loaded handles are near lots of vertical poles, which most people can easily reach. I wonder if they'd be dangerous near the door, where they might hit people in the head. Also, Metro wants to move riders AWAY from the doors and putting grab bars there might just clog things up.

But what I think you're saying is that when the whole train is crowded, you want to be able to reach a bar near you, which might be near the door.


Mt. Lebanon, Pa.: Since I'm a Steeler fan I don't have to worry about banning anything other than visits by Joey Porter, Plax or Bill Cowher but... is there any concerted effort down there to file civil suit by any of the evictees?

After all, I'm assuming that the folks who wave the signs that shout: I LOVE YOU DAN SNYDER! are allowed to be waved around idiotically.

So, any knowledge of outraged Thomas Paines down there incensed enough to go legal (like postal except with weasels not bullets)?

Thanks much. HLB

John Kelly: It's his stadium. He can do what he likes. It's like my party/rude guest analogy. (Except, in the case of the Redskins, the guests are PAYING to attend.) You often see this happen with shopping malls. Union Station and downtown Silver Spring were both in the news for not allowing people to take photographs in them. I mean, really....

So, Snyder can do what he likes there. It's the perception that matters.


Laurel, Md.: John, I just want to point out that Marylanders especially have a choice in NFL providers. There is some excellent football being played at Exit 52.

John Kelly: True. But the burgundy and gold runs deep in a lot of veins.


S.U.S.: I understand the law in regards to privately owned commercial property.

However, why would anyone, no matter how much they love the Redskins, after paying over $100.00 a ticket and at least $35.00 in Travel (Gas/Metro/Parking) expenses, want to go to a place (FedEx Field) where they might get thrown out (or maybe even arrested) for saying what they really think and feel?

I hope everyone out there gets a T-Shirt with "Love the Redskins but SUS" on it for "Snyder U Stink" and wears it to the game!

John Kelly: That's a great idea. There needs to be some underground revolt, some samizdat. SUS T-shirts might be just the thing. It's just three innocuous letters. Who could get upset? But people would know what it meant, like a secret handshake.


Adams Morgan, Washington, D.C.: John, two weeks into the Post's new look and I still hate it, my spouse hates it, even the dog hates it. Those WSJ line drawings are so dated, my college paper in the 70s used them, and they looked dorky and unflattering then. It's funny to see that the page numbering idea had to be changed back, I guess no one thought this out too much. But my eyes hurt from the typeface. The whole print edition is too much trouble. I'll find you in the chats and online but not on the doorstep.

John Kelly: That bad?

What sort of photos for the columnists would you have preferred? (I've seen some newspapers, mainly in the UK, that do full-length color photos.) Or are you against the notion of columnist pix? I kind of like them. I think a columns is meant to express the writer's personality and therefore it makes sense to have a photo.

I was surprised by the new typeface, mainly that it takes up MORE room than the old one. Last time we redesigned we went with a typeface that saved us room. Do you think it's harder to read? I find it easier to read because of the additional ledding, or space between lines.

I'm not as fond of the bylines, which look squished to me. And I miss the uppercase headlines. I always was a little proud of knowing which words not to capitalize in a headline.

I'm glad we changed the page numbers back. I didn't get that at all. I will say this: I've gotten used to this redesign faster than any other one. I think, on balance, it's a cohesive redesign. That doesn't mean I don't sometimes miss the old look.


Richmond, Va.: Why not call them the Washington Stinks?

1. It accurately reflects the state of the team. 2. No chance that name offends anyone. 3. It accurately reflects the state of the owner's handling of the team. 4. It's a complete sentence. How many other team names offer as much? 5. We could hold our noses and be perceived to be supportive of the team! 6. Sort of provides a reminder of the stench down by old RFK stadium along the Anacostia River. 7. Fans could pour their $7 beer on themselves and stink right along with the team. 8. Players would have no need to hit the showers -- just keep on stinkin' all day long!

John Kelly: FedEx probably wouldn't want to sponsor the stadium anymore. But maybe Right Guard could.


Leesburg, Va. : Having worked with several former acolytes of Dan Jong Il, I believe that his decision-making -- no matter how seemingly nonsensical -- is SOLELY driven by the bottom line. So how does a sports franchise make money and where can we, as fans, have the greatest impact on his revenue stream?

John Kelly: I don't know how franchises work. I imagine he must make most of his money from ticket sales, concessions and from TV rights. Then there's merchandising of things like jerseys and those plastic flags people put on their cars. (Signs! Ban them!) If you already have season tickets, you probably want to see the game. You don't save any money, or "punish" the owner, by not going. But maybe you could just not buy anything there. It'd be interesting if not a single hot dog, Coke or beer was sold at the remaining home games. Imagine that.


Chantilly, Va.: I missed Max Brooks' chat earlier, so I'll have to ask you if you have any advice for preparing against the coming zombie invasion. Specifically, what kind of zombie traps should you use to fortify your home? Max Brooks Online Discussion

John Kelly: I favor attempting to blend in. Get some makeup, practice your bent-ankle, outstretched-arms zombie shuffle and maybe you can fool them. Oh, also keep those big garden shears handy.


Temple Hills, Md: DTV-digital TV sucks! I don't have cable and with a new digital TV and digital antenna, I still receive very poor reception. I've visited the FCC Web site and followed their advice but still have no luck. I have not been able to watch any CBS program since the switch. Is there anyone else out there having problems?

John Kelly: Anyone? I've heard from some DTV folks who said that it's actually not bad. But it must depend on where you are and what sort of digital-over-antenna reception you get.


Alexandria, Va.: An advantage of working at home is that you always win the office football poll. On the other hand, the trash talking can get pretty personal.

John Kelly: Not to mention that I forgot to get myself something for National Secretaries Day and was mad at myself all day.


Holly Springs, N.C.: A question for Answer Man: I moved to N.C. from Fairfax almost 3 years ago. My cell phone is a 703 number. I want to get rid of my landline, but if there was an emergency and I called 911 on my cell, where would it go?

John Kelly: Anyone know? I know that this used to be an issue but I thought it had been fixed. If some chatster doesn't answer during the chat, check with your cell phone provider. It'd take forever for an ambulance to get from Springfield to Holly Springs.


Arlington, Va.: John, please help. How many more times will I have to "permanently" opt out of those annoying breaking-news pop-ups on your site? So far I have "permanently" opted out three times. You're the ones who warn me that opting out is permanent, and yet the pop-ups keep coming. Perhaps all the people at the Post who understand the meaning of the word "permanent" took your buy-out??

John Kelly: Hmmm. I haven't had any problem with this. Maybe it's because I use Firefox? Shoot me an e-mail ( and I'll forward it to our tech folks. And I promise not to steal your identity, unless it's a really good identity, like a millionaire bachelor ninja clown or something.


Springfield, Va.: John ,do you really think that banning signs is going to improve the quality of the game day experience? I think not, after shelling out over a $100 a seat (nose bleed seat and parking). To sit through another poorly played game, I am finding other things to do with my Sundays. Go CAPS!

John Kelly: Will people start bringing their signs to Caps and Wizards games instead?


Dumb and Dumber: Shirt idea -- put Snyder's picture under both captions! How incredibly out of touch with reality and stupid can this guy be?

The day AFTER they ban signs for safety reasons (how anyone could say THAT with a straight face...) they announce SOME signs are allowed. The ones with a sponsor's name on it. Did they forget that had that promotion coming up?

Either way -- Synder's management of this team is laughably incompetent. Except it's not funny -- it's sad. He's a sad, petty little man.

John Kelly: I know they think the media is whipping this up--that it's all the fault of The Washington Post--but surely they must see how their actions appear. I've never seen anything like this, both in the seeming pettiness of the actions and in the wellspring of emotions unleashed in fans.

How can this situation be resolved? In cases like this, we want the person to change. Dan Snyder is like a girlfriend who did you wrong, or a person you were friends with who started acting like a jerk. You want the girlfriend/friend not only to change their ways, but to say, "You know what? I don't know what came over me. I really WAS acting stupid. Man, I'm glad I'm not that way anymore." But do people EVER do that?


Cell - 911: I'll admit I don't know, but just a guess: the only way e911 would make sense is if it's based on the location of the cell tower that routes the call, don't you think? If they did it by phone #, it would be far more trouble than it would ever be worth.

John Kelly: So that's one vote for keeping your number.


Washington, D.C.: I believe 911 connects locally wherever you are. If you travel and have an emergency, you connect to the 911 nearest the cell tower that you connect to.

John Kelly: And here's another one.


But if I told him to leave I wouldn't lie about why. I'd say I didn't like his sign. I'd have more respect for the Redskins if they did that.: They think we're stupid.

John Kelly: Are we? Or are we just loyal?


Brussels, Belgium: Good afternoon, John.

I've been looking for an answer to a troublesome question concerning the Washington Redskins since 2002, when the team celebrated its 70th anniversary. The question is this: How did the Washington Redskins celebrate their 50th anniversary in 1986, and then celebrate their 70th anniversary 16 years later in 2002? The Redskins moved to Washington from Boston in 1936 and started playing in D.C. in 1937; thus began the history of the Washington Redskins. True, the Redskins can be traced to the Boston Braves in 1932, but they weren't Washington's team at that point. Why, then, would the team celebrate its 70th anniversary (and celebrate its 75th anniversary in 2007) based on 1932? This is inconsistent with the team's 1986 commemoration. It seems like revisionist history by the current owner for the sake of profit. Thoughts?


John Kelly: Is that really what happened? My Lovely Wife's high school class just had its 30th reunion--a year late. But that's because they were lazy and couldn't get their act together. I don't know why the Redskins would have done that, unless they were commemorating two different things: the founding of the team in Boston in one case and the move of the team to Washington in the other. If I have time, I'll try to look through our clips.


Washington, D.C.: All cell phone calls go to the nearest tower. Therefore, the call is routed to the closest 911 center. My phone is 850 (Northern Florida) and I've had to use 911 when a guy with no insurance hit me outside Baltimore and when the idiots of D.C. towed my car and I had no idea how to find it. You will reach your local 911 N.C.

John Kelly: Thank you.


To Cell Phone 703:: Rob Pegoraro is on Line Two:

Rob Pegoraro Online Chat andRob Pegoraro Transcript Archive

John Kelly: And in case there was any doubt....


S.U.S.: A similar, secret revolt worked in my high school. Most students disliked a 10th grade English Teacher (Cindy Cummings) and wanted her removed from the school so all 10th graders who had her as an English teacher wore buttons to her class that said "S.A.C.C." Only those students knew what it meant, but it drove her so crazy that she didn't know what it meant that she left that high school. It could work!

John Kelly: Now I'm starting to feel sorry for Dan Snyder. And Cindy Cummings. I hope she found another career.


15th and K-In the nude: I feel pretty bad for the guy. Now, if it happens again and he has some huge picture window while cooking naked, then there may be an issue. I cook nude for no reason other than I do most things nude in my own home. I don't think he should have been cited or anything else, this was a non-crime.

John Kelly: "Honey, do you really want to be snaking out the clogged sink in the nude?"

"Why not? I do most things in the nude."

"Yes, but remember the time you had that accident while caulking the bath tub in the nude?"


whether "drinking the Kool-Aid" is really an appropriate phrase to use in your writing.: Come now. "drinking the Kool-Aid" passed into common parlance ages ago (to the chagrin of the Kool-Aid people, but that's the price of popularity). It's not like making a joke out of the Holocaust.

John Kelly: Or saying "He went postal."


"You know what? I don't know what came over me. I really WAS acting stupid. Man, I'm glad I'm not that way anymore." But do people EVER do that? : No, they do not. What happens is people in this type of relationship realize after a while that the person isn't going to change, and they leave them. And the jerk continues to blame his problems on everyone else.

John Kelly: We need Carolyn Hax to look into this.


Landover, Md.: Now that I know what SUS means, anyone wearing that shirt is banned. In fact, everyone in this chat is banned! Come to think of it, no more fans are allowed at the games. I'm banning everyone except myself and my yes men. And we're going to ban the cameras from showing the stands. That'll show you!

- Dan Snyder

John Kelly: I have a lovely image in my head of FedEx Field, entirely empty. Dan Snyder sits down in his seat. Just then someone walks up and, in that empty stadium, sits down right in front of him. With a sign.


State of EXTREME hunger: John, Last week, it was Montgomery Doughnuts, this week, OREO cookies. . I was wondering (As well as the other chatters I'm sure) will you be serving either during your chat today?? I'm hungry!

John Kelly: Brains!!!

Oh wait, that's what they're serving in the zombie chat.


Swine flu: ....since I am not in a "high risk" category, I didn't get the vaccine. But I did get the flu. Now I feel an incredible urge to go find some mud to roll in, and have an insane desire for truffles. Is there any hope for me? (I really do have swine flu, but want to laugh it off)

John Kelly: Just don't stick a whole apple in your mouth.

My Lovely Wife took Daughter #2 to Rockville High School to get a swine flu shot. Huge mob scene. Waited in line for one of 1,000 shots. Someone came by and said the tickets for the shots had already been handed out. Go away.

Now: Why would the county only have vaccinations offered a few high schools? Why not first vaccinate students at each high school? A thousand doses at Rockville is barely enough for that student body, let along all the people who came from everywhere else.


I think a columns is meant to express the writer's personality and therefore it makes sense to have a photo. : Huh? You express your personality in writing and therefore you have to have a photo that probably doesn't match your personality. How does that make sense?

I loathe the Post's "upgrades" too. Especially that stupid font. If I wanted to read the WSJ, I'd subscribe to it. Yes, it may be bigger, as the Post defensively insists, but that doesn't mean it's easier to read; it's harder to read.

John Kelly: That photo matches my personality exactly. Also, I'm black and white and slightly stippled, though I may have just fallen asleep on the waffle iron again.


Shirlington, Va.: John, I have given up going to Redskins games a long time ago (Can't take the trek to and from Fedex) but people who were planning on going to the next game should all boycott it. How about that for a message, Snyder? No sign needed. The fans can communicate without one.

John Kelly: It'll be interesting to see, though if you've already spent the money it'd be hard to see it go to waste.


Kool-Aid (not): Lighten up, Silver Spring. If it comforts you, remember it wasn't really Kool Aid Jones gave to his people. It was some knockoff.

John Kelly: Oh that's right. It was some off brand. So it's okay to drink the Kool-Aid!

(Although I never understood the appeal of the Kool-Aid mascot, that big pitcher of Kool-Aid who would burst into a room or onto a baseball diamond. I mean, isn't that odd? "Here kids, drink of me! Consume my very innards in your quest to quench your thirst!" Creepy.)


Digital, TV: does suck! I used to get Baltimore stations with analog (I live in NW D.C.). I rarely can get Channel 9 (local CBS station) and almost never get through a program on any channel without the signal cutting out. It is particularly bad when it rains or when helicopters go overhead (pretty common in this area). The worst is when I was watching PBS mystery and it cut out as the murderer was being announced! I hate the FCC for allowing this to happen and setting signal strength requirements much too low (I read they assumed people would put antennas on their roofs--forgetting that many of us rent).

John Kelly: First of all, it was the butler who did it. Unless it was the first wife, the daughter's boyfriend or the neighbor with the dog that wouldn't stop barking.

Secondly, sorry about your TV. There's always radio.


LPPs Silver Spring: First: Do NOT rake your leaves into the street. Leave them on the grass or what ever is there right at the curb. Second: Do NOT park on top of leave piles: the hot catalytic converter might ignite a fire -- poof -- there goes your car.

John Kelly: And that would stop you from ever parking on leaves again.

I wonder when our leaves are going to dry out. I don't think you could light them on fire with a flamethrower.


FedEx Field: John, does Danny boy really own the stadium or was it paid for with our tax dollar$? If the later, then people should be allowed to bring signs.

John Kelly: I think he does. Jack Kent Cooke built it, remember, and Snyder bought it along with the team. If it was a publicly-built and -owned facility I think things would be different.


Swine Flu: I was one of the lucky folks who waited in line for hours and received a shot. Except for an occasional oink-oink, I have had no side effects.

John Kelly: I still haven't gotten my REGULAR flu shot. I better not leave the house till April.


Stafford, Va.: The surest way to get the attention of the Skins management is to either not go to any games or if you like to watch not buy anything. Oh the Saint Mary's Girls School needs a tune-up match this weekend and want to know if the Skins are available?

John Kelly: Which of the remaining games will the Skins win? What about Dallas? Aren't those the only games that we really WANT to win, HAVE to win?


kool a, ID: drinking kool aid has nothing to do with the Holocaust. It is from the Jonestown religious cult group killing themselves on their leader's order by drinking poisoned kool-aid.

John Kelly: .


" I have a lovely image in my head of FedEx Field, entirely empty": Decades ago, a certain state university in Albuquerque, N.M., was playing a certain university from Provo, Utah. It was going to be televised. But there was a boycott of that other university, and only a couple hundred people showed up. They were all herded into one section on the fifty yard line. The network (pseudonym ABC) only showed the one section when the play was near the fifty.

John Kelly: I wonder if they had fun doing the wave, er, wavelet.


Rockville, Md.: re: DTV

I agree with Temple Hills. DTV is the worst thing ever. Audio regularly disrupted. NBC was unavailable for a time last week.

John Kelly: What's the most basic cable cost a month these days? $10? $15? You may be forced into the clutches of Comcast.


They think we're stupid. John Kelly: Are we? Or are we just loyal? : Thanks for the laugh -- or am I the only one who remembers Dave Barry's point that calling dogs "loyal" is a euphemism for the fact that dogs are stupid?

John Kelly: The team has been this bad before. Why is the reaction so much more virulent this time? Is it pent-up frustration? Is it the sign thing? Is it anger at Tom Cruise?


Leaves: My neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks or tree boxes. Most of us put our leaves in the street, because we have learned from experience:

-If I pile my leaves on top of my landscaping, the leaf pickup guys will rake my plants away with the leaves.

-One year, I piled my leaves on the edge of my property, by the curb, and someone parked in front of them, so the leaf pickup just SKIPPED MY HOUSE.

-Our first leaf pickup comes too early, before the trees in the neighborhood have shed their leaves. But the second comes very late. One year, the second pickup was postponed because of an early snow. They didn't come back for the leaves UNTIL FEBRUARY, after they had been buried under snow several times and were well on the way to compost.

So, yeah, I will put my leaves in the street. But I will be sure to pile them so high that no one can even try to park on top of them. (And if I'm feeling magnanimous, I will make two piles with enough room between them for a car to park.)

John Kelly: A reader e-mailed me to say the only way to be absolutely certain your leaves will be dealt with is to bag them.


What do you all do in your neighborhoods? : We do several things: run the lawnmower over the leaves to chop them up into mulch (if you run a mulching mower over leaves twice, they practically disappear into the lawn, which is good for the lawn); we use our leaf-blower/sucker/mulcher to chop them up for our compost piles; we bag excess mulched leaves for the county to pick up for its composting business (we don't have leaf vacuum trucks in Howard County; the leaves must be bagged).

John Kelly: I mow as long as I can, though it's been too wet the last few weeks. I leave raking as a last resort, but even so, we have a lot of leaves. Ironic, given that we have NO TREES IN OUR YARD. All the neighbors' lean over into our yard.


Alexandria, Va.: Looks like the Redskins have taken up the banner (not the sign) of Radical Civility. I expect polite clapping from the fans, and thank you notes from Jim Zorn to the other team for showing up and behaving in a sportsmanlike manner.

John Kelly: War is peace! Ignorance is strength! Freedom is slavery!

That'd look great on a T-shirt....


Who cooks eggs in the nude?: When the person is doing it in front of a window without curtains, I'd say someone who gets a kick out of exposing themself to passersby.

John Kelly: Remember folks: We're meant to be ashamed of our bodies. That's what it says in the Bible. Don't scramble your eggs in your birthday suit.


Washington, D.C.: Love the idea -- everyone should take signs to Caps and Wizards games that say "Dan Snyder won't let me take this sign to FedX Field."

This guy is starting to make Al Davis look like a brilliant owner!

John Kelly: Is there solidarity among the owners? Do Ted Leonsis, Dan Snyder and Abe Pollin meet in some underground lair, eating panda flesh and talking about their teams? If so, that might not work.


Arlington, Va.: The whole Snyder thing once again has me shaking my head in amazement. What is it that drives people to pay exorbitant sums to go to a place where a very rich, arrogant person gets to abuse them? By what thought process do I decide it's really a good idea to spend $100 on a ticket in the nosebleed section, pay $35 for parking, pay $9 for lousy beer, and who knows what else, all for the privilege of watching the Redskins lose and being told I can't wear clothing with certain messages, I can't carry a sign, etc., etc.?

John Kelly: Really, if I wanted to be criticized for my clothes and told what to think, I'd stay at home with my wife!


(Just kidding honey.)


Sterling, Va.: I wanted to cry when I read your article. Because I wish I could telecommute and eat cookies. No more whining please. I never complain about the job I have because Heaven forbid my grousing lands upon the ear of someone who DOESN'T HAVE A JOB. I'm looking, I'm looking.

I do usually enjoy your columns. I'm just demoralized today.

John Kelly: Buck up. It's Friday. And I guarantee you the Redskins won't lose this weekend.


You have to name the the critter!: Alvin, Simon, or Theodore? Chip, or Dale?

John Kelly: That will make it even harder to dispatch to the great hereafter. Actually, we have a live trap down there. chipmunks are just too cute. He doesn't seem to like peanut butter though.


Halloween costume: I'm going as Gov. Mark Sanford. I've already got the hiking gear, and I plan to carry a sign with a picture of his girlfriend that reads "Help, I'm lost and am looking for this woman!"

John Kelly: That's a great idea. You should make up a bag of Appalachian Trailmix.


Speaking of radical civility: Weeknight evening showing of "Paranormal Activity." Yes, it's OK to expect a little bit of whispering and audience reactions at that one. But we could have done without:

1. The guy who kept talking, in a normal voice, to the point that everyone around him was trying to get him to shut up, and I think an usher eventually either convinced him or threw him out (I was on the opposite side -- enough to be bothered but not enough to see what became of him). 2. The cell phone ringing at a critical point. I mean, REALLY?! 3. The TWO different people who brought kids under 5. I truly hope they are up all night, every single night for the next week with the kids' screaming nightmares. And, lady, just because you eventually take the kid out for a few minutes when the crying escalates, that doesn't mean we forgive you for bringing him back in for the rest of the movie!

John Kelly: Yikes, that sounds like the poster child for radical incivility. The ushers should have been busy during the entire screening, tossing people out.


cook nude for no reason other than I do most things nude in my own home. : People, didn't you watch Seinfeld? There's good naked, and there's bad naked.

John Kelly: The startling truth is that, right now, we're all naked underneath our clothes.

I'll leave you with that thought. Thanks for joining me today. Enjoy the weekend and have a safe Halloween. Here's hoping no one gets poked by an errant sign.


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