Celebritology Live

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Liz Kelly,Jen Chaney
Thursday, April 1, 2010; 2:00 PM

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Video: Liz/Jen: Just have to thank you for putting up the Heavy Metal Parking Lot video. My brother is actually in it...can't tell you which one he is (he's an attorney now and would just die). I remember that concert vividly because he stole 20 bucks from my baby-sitting stash to buy beer for his buddies for that show. I was too young and my mom wouldn't let me go. Gave me quite a laugh on Friday.

Liz Kelly: We had a blast writing that post.One of my friends also dated one of the guys in the movie when she was in, like, seventh grade. I have no idea what she saw in him. I mean, tight jeans, no shirt and winged hair. We were just so misled in the '80s. In some respects.

Jen Chaney: That is fantastic. "HMPL" was viral video long before we even knew what viral video was.

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Psst!: Meet me out back with a copy of OK!, I've got the beach chairs and the beer.

Jen Chaney: We'll be there. I'll bring the Peep-tinis and a copy of Tiger Beat circa 1985.

Liz Kelly: Count me in. I'll bring along my DVR -- complete with this week's "Dancing with the Stars" episodes -- and my Joel McCale fan club pin.

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La Lohan: Saw this article today in the Guardian:Lindsay Lohan's child trafficking film: DVD extrasHow wretchedly embarrassing. Why would anyone hire Lindsey Lohan to do a documentary about a serious subject like human trafficking? Or hire her to do anything, for that matter?

Liz Kelly: I can maybe understand the Ed Hardy brand hiring her to "design" a line of handbags. She's still a name and name = free publicity.When it comes to a documentary on child trafficking, though, I don't get it. It seems almost like it undercuts the subject matter to hire a faded star who -- were it not for this doc -- would only be in the news for wearing powdered shoes and falling into cacti.

Jen Chaney: I was reading something, maybe on the BBC's site, about a scene in the movie where Lohan is weeping while a young Indian girl looks completely confused and bemused.

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Peeps!: What's you fav Peeps diorama this year? Mine so far is one called "Tiger and his Chicks" featuring a Swedish-golf club wielding Peep.

Jen Chaney: I'm actually working on a Celebritology post as we speak about my fave pop cultural-related Peeps entries this year. I'm not sure what my absolute favorite one was, but I do like "Up," and I definitely have major appreciation for "Peeps and Prejudice and Zombies." My post will go live later this afternoon, Peeps willing.

Liz Kelly: I think I have to go with the "Up" diorama, too. It was just something totally new and different. Though maybe it was the really well done video about the making of that one that drew me in.

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DWTS -good or spectacle: What thinkest thou--that Kate didn't get kicked off DWTS as voters liked her, or they voted for her to keep her around longer for more ridicule. . .

Jen Chaney: I vote more ridicule.I had that stupid results show on only because I was waiting for "Lost" to start. And Gosselin had the most intensely serious look on her face while she was waiting to find out whether she got booted, as if her world might crumbled if she got kicked off. Shannen Doherty, on the other hand, seemed to take it in stride. Perhaps it says something about a person when Shannen Doherty has a better attitude and sense of perspective.

Liz Kelly: Seriously. Good point, Jen.And how is it possible that Buzz Aldrin was not the first to go?

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Justin Bieber: Please explain the insane phenomenon of the rise of Justin Bieber.Six months ago, he was nobody.Now he is Huge.He has no talent and no personality. How does this not stand as a gigantic indictment of everyone in America who follows, or cares about, celebrity gossip? How can you not react to this by personally killing yourselves?Okay, Kelly, in your case, you have another life to worry about -- suicide would be irresponsible. But what about you, Chaney?-- signed, An American Patriot.

Liz Kelly: Okay, first off Gene -- I should tell you that we backstage can now see who submits questions. So much for anonymity.But to answer your question, I think you may have a slightly skewed idea of who is interested in Justin Bieber. He has made probably less appearances in Celebritology than I can count on one hand. Why? Because he's just not all that interesting to the average consumer of celebrity news -- that is unless he happens to do one of the following things (which has not yet, btw):1. Makes a sex tape with Kim Kardashian. Or any Kardashian really.2. Crashes into a curb with a pocket full of cocine.3. Is revealed to be Michael Jackson's love child. topic on Twitter today.But for us grizzled vets of the celebrity trenches, he'll need to do a lot more than sport a douchy haircut.

Jen Chaney: As the pop culture side of this blog coin, I kinda care about Justin Bieber. Know what else? I actually like that "Baby" song.That's right. You heard me. I just admitted it.Since he's technically a music guy, though, I see him as Click Track territory moreso than Celebritology. But I wouldn't rule out writing for him.So, in conclusion, I will not only refrain from offing myself, I might just go download "Baby" and start playing it on my iPod in a repetitive loop.

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Anna Paquin declares she is bisexual in new PSA?: I say kudos to everyone being out and proud about who they are. Doesn't this type of statement open an annoying can of worms for an actor who has to deal w/the tabloid press though?(Example: Tabs can't seem to go a week w/out bringing up the old Angelina Jolie - Jenny Schmizo connection.) I just see this as leading to pain-in-the neck questions and speculation about she and Stephen Moyer in weird 3 ways, or past girlfriends, etc.Anna Paquin Reveals Bisexuality, Female Wolves and Vampires Suddenly Intrigued

Liz Kelly: Well, it looks like Anna actually had a pretty good reason for outing herself: to raise awareness about a LGBT equality campaign. And I guess there may be something to nipping the story in the bud. Better that she deliver the news on her own timeline rather than have a tabloid dig something up and put their own sordid spin on it.Will it open her up to scrutiny? Probably. But that goes with the territory.

Jen Chaney: I am sure she will be asked about it. But certainly she must have considered that and decided it was worth the pain-in-the-neck aspect in order to make a statement. So good for her.This is also helpful, since now and Liz and I know what to ask her next time we run into her.

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Weingarten: Gene! Stop invading this chat and get back to convincing the suits to have you chat EVERY WEEK.

Liz Kelly: I'm thinking his infiltration here may be his way of trying to chat every week.

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Liz and Jen: Okay, I have another question. Liz, as someone who has seen you, I can attest that you are a LOT hotter than your picture with this chat. Jen, I have never met you. Are you a lot hotter than YOUR picture? Because, wow... that would just be... wow. Also, are you hotter than Liz's picture?

Liz Kelly: Well thanks, I think. Jen and I were just talking today about how cheezy those posed pictures are. But I actually like the one that accompanies the chat.Oh, and I can honestly report: Jen is a turbo hottie.

Jen Chaney: Liz lies. But it's the sort of untruth I can support perpetuating. So don't stop believin' it, America.P.S. Per Liz's response to a previous question, we can see who submits these questions. But don't worry, we won't report you to HR.

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Joel McCale: The name is Joel McHale. Be careful or I may have to kick you out of my fan club!

Liz Kelly: Well, at least I didn't write Joel McKale. Which would have been equally likely. Fog of pregnancy, I tell ya.

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Buzz: Buzz is CUTE. Sure, he can't dance, but it's like voting against your grandfather!Kate needs to go. More ridicule, while entertaining, is also sort of painful at this point.

Liz Kelly: Question: How fair is it to pit people with two left feet and arthritis against a Pussycat Doll and an Olympic-level figure skater?

Jen Chaney: How fair is it to put shows like that on TV and continue the dumbing-down of America? Answer me that.

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How does one become an "accredited" Celebritologist?: Inquiring minds want to know...

Jen Chaney: Let me tell you, it is not easy. You have to go to four years of Celebritology school, and can only graduate if you get an A on your senior thesis.(Mine was entitled: "The Sweathog Syndrome: Coping Mechanisms for Sitcom Stars Stripped of Their Authoritity by Kids Making 'Up Your Nose With a Rubber Hose' Jokes.")I should add that certifications also are required, and must be renewed every two years. This is why I know so much about Justin Bieber. My recertification exam is coming up.

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Sandra Bullock: What do you think Sandra Bullock will do now?

Liz Kelly: What, aside from sneak around Hollywood wearing large green floppy hat?My guess is that she'll eventually start divorce proceedings, give a "big" interview to a major magazine or Oprah and then try to get back to work.I was sickened yesterday seeing some of the online tabloid outlets chasing her as she left her house for what they claim is the first time since returning to L.A. The woman is in the midst of the collapse of her marriage. Like she really needs cameras shoved in her face 24/7. But, again, I guess it goes with the territory.

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Major breaking news: In a contract dispute, Josh Holloway's agents have announced he was refused to shoot the final episodes of "Lost."This can be confirmed by contacting his agent Loof Lirpa at CMA.

Paul Williams: Did his demands have something to do with shirtlessness?

Jen Chaney: April Fool's to you, too.

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Lindsay in India: It gets worse, hard to believe, I know ... from the linked-to article..."and your end product features a scene in which a very young and serially abused child labourer is required to comfort a Hollywood starlet"Blimey!

Jen Chaney: Yeah, that must be the scene I read about. Somehow, these poor individuals who have endured untold horrors play second fiddle to poor Lindsay, the one we should really sorry for. I think I speak for everyone when I say: oy.

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"How fair is it to put shows like that on TV and continue the dumbing-down of America? Answer me that": I have been anti-DWTS for years, but somehow this year I am hooked. Frankly, it IS interesting to see non-dancers try and make the ballroom thing work. (I agree having a Pussycat Doll in the mix for a ringer is a cheat.)I am an awful dancer and I find myself sitting there thinking what I would do in the situation. As for dumbing down the USA: look no further than the the manipulative "reality" of "Undercover Boss" or "The Apprentice."DWTS isn't Peabody material - but it does have a certain purity in it's goal and execution.

Jen Chaney: Okay, fair enough. Maybe I'm being a little snobby here.On the occasions when I have seen DWTS, it just seems so cheesy. Same way I feel about "Idol." But to each his or her own, of course.

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Peep-tini Recipe?: If you have one, please share, and please let it be preggo-friendly.I have a craving for a gin and tonic given this balmy gorgeous weather. Drinking tonic water with a squeeze of lime just ain't gonna cut it.3 more months to go!

Jen Chaney: I actually made up Peep-tini. But maybe an Orangina with a Peep wedged on the rim of the glass would do the trick. Maybe?Liz might be more help here since she's preggos now, and it's been a while for me.

Liz Kelly: Hmm, Peeptini might have to be something already standard -- like a Cosmo or something else light and pinkish, but with a peep impaled on a stick stuck in it.That would be a great appendix to next year's Peeps contest: A selection of recipes that include Peeps among the ingredients.

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Best Peep Dioramas: Loved The Alfred Hitchcock and Balloon Boy ones.

Jen Chaney: Yes, those were good. They're all pretty amazing, really.

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Pasadena, CA,: Is this the weekend where you celebrate John Locke rising from the dead?

Jen Chaney: Yes. It's also the same weekend where the Easter Bunny with a number 15 painted on him comes to visit. And when we go on our annual, festive Keamy egg hunt.

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Thank you WP Peep diorama contest for making me add 'peep' as a suffix to every celeb's name today's chat: Justin Beibpeep, Anna Peepquin, etc.

Paul Williams: Little Bo PeepPeep

Jen Chaney: From here forward, every answer must contain one Peep reference. That one just now counted as my one.

Liz Kelly: I am not, it turns out, wearing Peep-toed sandals today.Just fyi.

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Are you hotter than...: Was watching "Millionaire Matchmaker" recently and one of the rich dudes told the woman he picked for his date that he "didn't think she was as attractive as the other girls at the party, but she seemed like the type that wouldn't get jealous."Wow, who doesn't want to hear that on a first date?

Paul Williams: And you're telling me this guy needed a matchmaker, despite being loaded? I'm shocked.

Liz Kelly: That show makes my skin crawl.I reserve my TV watching time for highbrow programming. Like "Kell on Earth" and "Cops."

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Jesse James: Hi - So, how much do you want to bet that Jesse James is simply trying (poorly) to boost his career by checking into sex addiction rehab facility (in the wake of Tiger Woods); perhaps, to make a jump to the big screen?

Liz Kelly: I don't know about a jump to the big screen, but I would concur that his stint in rehab is aimed at salvaging his career, not his marriage.I wrote about it yesterday, in fact.

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Quatch Cave: Liz, are you going to procure any of those children's books to read to Little Nelson? Perhaps you can get Gene to autograph a copy of "The Long Journey of Mister Poop." I refuse to believe that Gene did not have a role in that book. Hmmm...is Mister Poop a cousin of Mister Hankey? Do I detect the reek of incipient plagiarism?

Liz Kelly: I would love to have the entire library of those books.But until I am able to procure them, we'll start the little one's mindbending with "Strewwelpeter."

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Kate Gosselin: I am fascinated by her utter lack of self-awareness. And I feel guilty because I know that makes me part of the problem. Those poor children never stood a chance.

Liz Kelly: As our boss, Nancy the Editrix, said today: You think she'd take this opportunity to change public opinion about her by coming off as likeable, but instead she's just reinforcing what we already think: That she's pretty much a shrew.

Jen Chaney: To be fair, the producers can always manipulate video clips to make her seem that way. But live television doesn't lie. She could at least smile and pretend to be low-key during the results.Dear God, do you see what's happening here? Now you've all got me talking about this crap and almost, vaguely, caring about it.

Liz Kelly: A year from now you won't recognize yourself.

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Celebritology baby!: Does that mean Liz's baby is the Official Chat baby, like Gene's Baby Hope?

Liz Kelly: Well it's a title he'll have to share with Jen's son. They can split up the personal appearance engagements.

Jen Chaney: We can have an official Chat baby and an official Chat toddler, right?

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Woods: If Tiger Woods spent $10 million to keep a mistress quiet, and now everyone knows: That wasn't money well spent now, Tiger, was it?It should make him peep with anger.

Liz Kelly: I have nothing to add, but would like to congratulate you on the well-placed "peep."

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I wonder what comfort LiLo could offer these children? : Some free tanner?

Liz Kelly: Oh please. She'd rather put them to work making the stuff for .02 cents a day.

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Justin BoPeep: Justin Bieber is this generation's Jimmy Osmond (or Shaun Cassidy if you will). A flash in the pan with floppy hair.

Paul Williams: What does that make the Jonas Bros.?

Liz Kelly: That makes the Jonas Brothers this generations Osmond Brothers.

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Kal Penn's DC vacation: Overall was his year w/Obama really a net positive? Did the guy really DO anything for the administration?

Liz Kelly: I was just talking about that at lunch with some co-workers. We basically have no idea what he did while he was in town. Which is maybe how he wanted it. If I recall, he wanted an "in the trenches" administration job rather than one that would highlight his celebrity.And I'm sure spending a year in D.C. is nothing but research gold for "Harold & Kumar 3."

Jen Chaney: Excuse me, that's "Harold and Kumar 3," which is going to be a Christmas movie. And also, in 3D.Let's use the complete and proper terminology to describe it.And I'm sure Kal Penn did something. The fact that he played it low-key speaks well of him, if you ask me. If he had been running around going, "Look at me, I'm in the White House now because I CARE," that would have been pretty irritating.

Liz Kelly: Having interviewed Kal twice in the past, I'm sure you're right. He's a good guy and I'm sure he did his best while he was here. I'm just hoping his return to acting means he'll be open to talking to people like us again.

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Peep: How many peeps do you believe will come forward stating that dated Jesse James?

Liz Kelly: I'm guessing there will be at least a few more. Keep an eye on Gloria Allred. Or, umm, Gloria AllPeep.

Jen Chaney: We have a bet in the office, and I had said four peeps. So I hope we hold steady for that reason, not to mention the fact that enough is enough, for peep's sake.

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NY Times Gossip blogs: The Times did a story about the new breed of gossip bloggers. Have you read it?The Rising Stars of Gossip Blogs

Liz Kelly: I did. And I have to say that most of those blogs aren't on my daily rotation. Many are more industry news related than actual hardcore celeb gossip. And one is actually dedicated to financial world gossip. Ick.

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She could at least smile and pretend to be low-key during the results.: But then she wouldn't be Kate Gosselin, now would she? We should stop being shocked that people act like themselves.

Jen Chaney: Or maybe we should just stop expecting Kate Gosselin to be likable.

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Place your bets: Who do you believe will be the first celebrity to reveal he or she is not really gay but only stated so for the publicity?

Jen Chaney: Big Gay Al from "South Park"? Who, as it turns out, is really just Big Al?P.S. Peep.

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Actor fired for not doing sex scenes: So Neal Mcdonough (Band of Brothers, Desperate Housewives) won't do sex scenes and was fired from a new ABC pilot because he wouldn't make out with Virginia Madsen. Principled stand or publicity plot?No Sex Please, I'm Neal McDonough...

Liz Kelly: If you read the story it sounds more like a principled stand. It looks like this is something Mr. McDonough has been consistent about throughout his career so far. And I don't know that an actor would go so far as to pull a publicity stunt if he knew it would cost him upwards of $1 million in pay. Which this decision apparently did.

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Pre-written celeb obituaries: So the word on the street is that America's newspapers have written Lindsay Lohan's obit - I don't think this is a big deal since a) it's a common practice; b) plenty of celebs have had pre-written obits for years w/out dropping dead (Liz Taylor). What celeb would you be surprised if the national press HAD NOT pre-written an obit for yet?Lindsay Lohan and the risks of 'pre-written' obituaries

Liz Kelly: Hmm... good question. Well, Dennis Hopper comes to mind right now.Also, I don't know why, but Mischa Barton just jumped into my head. Not literally.

Jen Chaney: Kirk Douglas. Britney Spears, although now it seems less necessary. A couple of years ago, some peep-le (see what I did there?) thought we might be trotting that out any day.

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Today's discussion is over: Not another peep out of either of you.

Liz Kelly: Hey buddy, Peep you!Though, now that you mention it, I suppose it is time to clear out. See everyone back here next week -- same Peep time, same Peep channel.

Jen Chaney: In the words of Michael Peep-son, let's peep it. Just peep it.Thanks, all. See you next week.


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