Facebook engagement announcements, vuvuzela time and more -- The Web Hostess
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A weekly chat about the best ways to kill time online. Our Web Hostess, Monica Hesse, sifts the Internet so you don't have to, searching for meaning, manners and the next great meme. Today, we revisit a <a href='http://live.washingtonpost.com/web-hostess-0616.html#question-14' target='new'><b>question</b></a> from last week's chat to get your opinion on a matter of great importance:<br><br><iframe src='http://app.sgizmo.com/s/survey.php?id=KX8MWBP64840201ZM5Q69EZK54P4K7-315131' frameborder='0' width='350' height='200' style='overflow: hidden' ></iframe>
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Monica Hesse: Afternoon everyone, and thanks for stopping by! Forgive me if I'm pokey today -- spent the weekend at the Harry Potter theme park opening, and I'm still on wizard time. so Paul and I thought we'd put together a poll to see just how bad of form the announcement was. Cast your vote, then tell us why.Lots of good questions already, so let's open for business!
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Perez Hilton: I despise Perez Hilton, mainly for his outing of closeted celebs. Is there any chance he will get in trouble for posting an upskirt photo of Miley Cirus? She's underage, but now he's saying it was photoshopped. I'm just hoping that he continues to lose ad sales. His 15 minutes were up two years ago.
Monica Hesse: Are you talking about the first up-skirt photo? Or the second, which was less up-skirt than side-leotard (you can Google it, people)? Either way, the posting was creepy. And if it was photo-shopped, it was even more creepy in some ways.
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Announcements on Facebook: I was late to last week's chat, so just wanted to chime in on the "announcing engagement on Facebook" topic. I think the wounded party is missing the intent of the announcement - posting it on Facebook was probably not only a way to try to prevent anyone from being forgotten or slighted by being "last called," but was also simply something that the engagee did for fun.I'd imagine that there was a feeling of "hey, this will be a big surprise for everyone when they get up this morning and read my status update". Let her have her fun and make the announcement however she wants to.
Monica Hesse: Thanks for ringing in! People are, in general, being much kinder to the bride than I'd thought they would.It's interesting to me to see how the same traditions carry out through various forms of technology -- Facebook post as the new wedding announcement, for example. And I know that paper invites are still far more acceptable than e-mailed ones, but Dude, don't you think that Jane Austen would have been all over Gmail if it existed then?
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Monica Hesse: (Paul reports that the current poll numbers are running about 70 to 30, in favor of the posting being bad manners).
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Screenplay: Is there a Web site where one can learn the process and format for submitting a screenplay?
Paul Williams: This site -- http:/
Monica Hesse: A screenwriter I once knew recommended Final Draft. That was a few years ago, so I'm not sure if there's a new standard.
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For the World Cup: You've probably seen this already, but if you can't get enough of the vuvuzela while watching the World Cup, this website allows you to have it as the background noise while you surf the internets. http:/
Monica Hesse: Awesome! Finally, something for the peope who want their sanity to decrease at a more rapid pace!
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Engagement Manners: Society has long since moved on from the formal etiquette associated with the Emily Post era.Facebook is a way to send a modern day "announcement" to friends and acquaintances. Parents and other immediate family of the prospective bride and groom should be notified in advance, but friends shouldn't get bent out of shape about first finding out about it on Facebook.
Monica Hesse: poor etiquette to handwrite them?"And you can practically hear Miss Manners banging her wise head on her keyboard as she responds that engraving was invented as a LESSER alternative to handwriting, and that everyone was all up in arms when it first entered the invitation biz.
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The Yanks are coming: I don't really care about soccer, but its nice to see the refs fail at rigging a second game.USA soccer over there
Monica Hesse: How many of you really don't care about soccer but find yourself sucked in, against your will, by friends who are all of a sudden using Britishisms and calling you "mate"?
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notafanoffacebook: I have had several requests from former co-workers inviting me to FB. I am of the belief that "I don't want to put myself out there," as I have a sullied reputation of sorts with some jobs. Is there a polite way to tell folks I decline to do FB?
Monica Hesse: I'm curious about how your "sullied reputation" ties into your decision not to do Facebook. Are you afraid that acquaintances would say negative things about you online? If that's the case, you should know that you get to approve all of your friends, and you get to delete any posts they make about you. In general, I think Facebook is a much more positive than negative networking tool.But if you truly don't want to be a part of it, then the best thing to do is be vague and good-natured about it. i.e. "I'm hardly ever on the computer anyway, but thanks!"
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Alexandria: Everyone is a fashion critic:Kitten Wearing a Tiny Hat
Monica Hesse: !! Best cat video in months !!
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OP from last week (finding out about engagement on Facebook): I've just figured out my friend decided Facebook is a good way to let everyone know everything-- my friend's mom apparently found out that my friend and her fiance are moving about six hours south from here after the wedding for a new job (a really great one!) on Facebook. Meh.
Monica Hesse: Least she didn't accept the proposal with a "like."
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State College, PA: I'm hosting a baby shower for a friend who asked for people not to wrap the gifts, or use "green" alternatives. (I suggested wrapping them in baby blankets, cloth diapers, the comics section of the newspaper, fabric, etc.)So to keep to her "green" theme, I used Evite for the invitations instead of paper. This was my first time using Evite, although I've gotten a bunch of invitations that way. I'm now a convert--very easy and painless and no postage!
Monica Hesse: I've heard from several people who have gone the green route by having paperless invitations. Curiously, these people never seem as worried about the carbon emissions incurred by several hundred guests flying several hundred miles, but...
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Monica Hesse: That came out meeean. I's sorry.
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Facebook and sullied reputations: As long as you keep your privacy settings as strict as humanly (computerly?) possible, and only Friend those people who are actually your friends, Facebook doesn't have to expose anything unsavory about you to people you don't know.And if you are afraid one of your friends will expose something about you that you don't want them to, then they aren't really your friends and you shouldn't Friend them on Facebook.
Monica Hesse: Yes, zackly. Thanks.
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announcing engagement on Facebook: But you know - not everyone's friends are on Facebook. That's just one thing...
Monica Hesse: See the previous poster! Sullied reputation could apparently be missing out on everyone's wedding, and s/he doesn't even know it.
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Fun knee!: The old Muppets' music videos are a gold mine. Maybe you've already posted this - but they always good for a guffaw!Danny BoyMuppet Show Moreno and Animal
Monica Hesse: We've never posted this! "Oh Danny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, Oh Danny...Boy."Animal, Animal how I love thee.
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Real Facebook friends: Hi Monica, I was outed. It has come to some of my acquaintances attention that I have a Facebook account. And suddenly, I have dozens of friend requests.Thing is, my account is just for friends, the real kind who come to my house and know my phone number. How do I tell people that they are not a good enough friend to be my friend on Facebook?
Monica Hesse: The thing is, that for most people, you won't have to tell them at all. They've put in a friend request, and you can just quietly decline it. Most people won't be checking back in on a daily basis to see if you've accepted or not--they have enough Facebook friends to keep track of already.If someone does bring it up, then you can give your version of the honest truth: "Oh, I actually only have a Facebook account because it's how my sister and I share family pictures. Otherwise, I'm never on it."But I'll be surprised if it comes to that. The average Facebook user shoots out a friend request, then promptly forgets about it.
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tiny hat kitten remix: I liked the kitten in the tiny hat video, but noticed an even funnier related video.
Monica Hesse: I love when memes breed. And produce new, adorable memes.
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That came out meeean. I's sorry.: It did, but I forgive you. Luckily for the baby shower, everyone's local so I don't have to worry about carbon emissions. But even I had to travel to my wedding (was living in Chicago, got married in Oakton). I think my parents, some family friends, and our high school friends were the only ones who didn't have to travel.
Monica Hesse: You're absolved. The fact that you're even thinking about greening things up probably means you're more aware than everyone else.Like me, for example, I just requested that my wedding guests club baby seals with non-recyclable styrofoam bats in my honor.
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tiny kitten and and....: the VUVUZELA!
Monica Hesse: Quick, anyone who finds Animal and the Vuvuzela wins a prize.
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Arlington, VA: Evite is evil. Whenever I click to respond and accept the invitation, it directs me to an ad. If you have all the email addresses, just email it out. Or create a Facebook event if you must.
Monica Hesse: Nah, Evite is way easier to track responses than a mass email (though you DO have to go through the self-doubting "Why has he viewed the Evite but not responded? Is he waiting for something BETTER to come along?"). You can suck up the ad.
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Engagement on Facebook: When my girlfriend became my fiancee a couple of months ago, we told families and close friends in person. A few days later, as soon as we told the last friend we absolutely had to tell in person (at our home for dinner), we updated relationship statuses. The three of us had a pleasant evening of watching the congrats and LIKEs roll in.
Monica Hesse: Aw!
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meme: you just like typing meme, don't you?
Monica Hesse: I don't know what you meme.
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Engagement annoucinig on FB: I found out about my best friend from college's engagement on FB and it was rather hurtful. She didn't actually do any kind of announcement or post photos of the ring or anything, but people started commenting on her wall about it and I saw.Turns out that since she and I had made tentative plans to get together in person (she was coming in from across the country) in a couple of weeks, she thought that she'd just tell me then.But the cat was out of the bag by that point. She apologized for that before I even mentioned that I was hurt - but well, I was hurt. Not really her fault, but still felt bad to me.
Monica Hesse: It sounds like her heart was in the right place, though -- she was trying to give you an elevated, in-person announcement.
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evite: I like Evite but I like Pingg even more because it's... classier. And a little less clunky. But I still like Evite.
Monica Hesse: Is it just classier because fewer people know about it? Is this a prestige thing, or is there something intrinsically better about the user experience?
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Muppets!: Here, watch the Mahna Mahna song.It will put a smile on your face.
Paul Williams: I love the Muppets and all, but I'm starting to fear we've been infiltrated by Henson Studios.
Monica Hesse: Paul is right. Next week we should try to balance this out with some Electric Company and Snorks references.
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Pingg: The templates and graphics and all that are better, I think. (Granted, I could upload my own clipart in Evite but who has time for that?) It's less advertisement-heavy, which, obviously could change quickly. Defintely not a "I like Pingg until more people know about it."
Monica Hesse: Thanks. I'll try it out the next time I'll invite people over...to my cubicle...to watch a Muppets video...I need to get out more.
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Facebook and Big News: Whenever I find out about someone else's big news, I don't comment about it on Facebook until they've posted something, to allow them time to share the news how ever they'd like. That being said, Facebook is such an easy way to share news quicky, I would not be offended to find out that way.
Monica Hesse: Your first tip is a good example of how it's not only original posters who have to follow a Facebook etiquette, but also any of their friends or potential posters.It takes a community to raise a Facebook wall, folks. A community.
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Snorks!: Yes, yes, we must have Snorks! I looooved the Snorks!(Now I have the theme song in my head)
Monica Hesse: I actually hated the Snorks. I typed "Snorks" but meant "Smurfs." Bah.But now I'm realizing I can barely even remember the Snorks, so maybe I should give them another try?
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22202: To all of the people who are upset about how they found out about someone else's engagement: you're the reason why I eloped and didn't have a wedding. I can't deal with worrying about who may be offended, who may be insulted, who's judging me on my colors or dinner, etc.
Monica Hesse: This way, they only judged you on how you dared to not have an event at which they could show up and judge.Sing it, sister.
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Paul is right. Next week we should try to balance this out with some Electric Company and Snorks references.: bonus points if someone can find a Captain Goodbody video!
Paul Williams: I believe you mean Slim Goodbody. This terrified me as a child. And still does.
Monica Hesse: I skipped the rest of this question when I read that it started "Paul is right."How I kid.
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We can have both: We can have Snorks and Smurfs. And Gummi Bears!
Monica Hesse: Bouncing here and there, perhaps? Or even, everywhere?
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Pingg: I just took a quick look at Pingg. The OP is right--much better images. I'll try that site next time. Didn't even know about it--thanks!
Monica Hesse: Any time there's a site that you love, we'd love to see it here. It's always going to be new to someone.
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Muppets, etc.: My 10- month-old loves videos of the old Banana Splits theme song. I'm hoping video of him bopping to it could be the next big youtube thing. It's really cute.
Monica Hesse: The red minidresses with patent leather belts? Where can I buy one?
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Facebook: It can get worse. I had a friend whose little brother outed her pregnancy on her Facebook wall before she told all of her close friends (after only family knew). If you have a major life-change coming, you might want to consider turning off your Facebook wall for a week or two, unless you trust all your friends!
Monica Hesse: In general, it's not good idea to reference any piece of news on a friend's wall, until the friend personally brings it up.
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Engagement Announcements: Here's my question: how "close" do you have to be for a FB announcement to be offensive? I chat online with, or email, my closest friends FAR more often than I call them.Also (and I'm probably just getting old and cranky) the announcement is almost never that big of a surprise. Between certain ages, yes, we expect that you will get married or pregnant. So, the event is a big deal, but the announcement? Maybe not.
Monica Hesse: I think that anyone in the immediate family (parent or sibling), plus anyone who is going to be in the wedding party, has a reasonable expectation that they will be informed privately.
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Facebook announcements: I voted "yes" in the poll because I think "close friends" is the key term. If I remember correctly, the woman who started this discussion said she was asked to be a bridesmaid. If you are so close to someone that you want them to be at your side during the wedding, you owe them sort of pre-Facebook contact, even if it's a group email to the whole wedding party.
Monica Hesse: Just posting.
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Facebook Engagement: I don't think it's bad manners, per se, but I can see why a lot of folks would think so. Personally, though, I find it funny how much I learn from Facebook every day. (who's pregnant, who's engaged, who's newly single.)For the record, though, when I announced my own unexpected pregnancy, I did it via a few in-person conversations and an email to friends I didn't see as regularly. Which apparently was an imperfect system, as some friends found out at eight months (!!!) and were totally shocked.
Monica Hesse: But nonetheless delighted, I'm sure.Every announcement system is going to be imperfect -- and so much of it depends on the relationship you already have with your friends, the level of contact you maintain, what standards you've set in terms of communication means...
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Gummi Bears: I don't recall ever seeing the show when I was younger, and yet the first time I saw the intro on YouTube, I could follow just about every word. Perhaps those heroic candies were something my mature brain tried repressing.
Monica Hesse: It's the ease of the lyrics. When something starts out "Bouncing here and there," chances are pretty good that the next line is going to be "and everywhere" rather than "in your hair" or "like Fred Astaire."
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augh! The engagement isn't about YOU!: Will people please stop investing so much of their self-identity in whether they are told about an engagement prior to FB postings??!1. It's just an engagement. Be hurt if you don't get an invite to the wedding. Otherwise, it's just a plan, a goal, an intention -- one that does not involve you.2. You are a friend. Or a cousin who the bride/groom sees once a year at the family BBQ. Or an old college buddy. For all you know, the couple is getting engaged only to have something happy to tell their dad/mom/sister/whatever before he/she dies/goes in for surgery/whatever. Stop inflating your importance in other people's lives.3. Congratulate them. Mark your calendar if they've set a date. Then go about your own engagement/wedding/marriage/kids/whatever planning.
Monica Hesse: The _____ isn't about YOU is probably a mantra that most of us could stand to repeat about most things, most days.Still, 68% of y'all said that a Facebook announcement for weddings is bad manners. And my colleague Ellen McCarthy, who writes our splended OnLove column, just returned to her desk and told me that she agrees.That's all for now -- see you next week!
