Embrace and Engage in the Culture of Your Workplace

What about social functions with the work place? There is a big push at my job to go to "happy hour"... and it is really frowned upon when you do not join in. I do not want to socialize with my co-workers, I am not unfriendly at work, but I am not very personal either. I get exceptional performance reviews, but there is always that side mention (never on paper) that I don't hang out with the co-workers. Why is that important? Am I at the wrong place? My last company could care less who socialized with who after work.

When your supervisor laments the fact that you do not socialize with co-workers after hours, he or she is really saying that it would be better if you invested time in forging interpersonal relationships. In a collegial environment, the theory goes, conflicts are more easily managed, morale is strengthened, and productivity soars. It is satisfying to work with people whose abilities you respect and admire. It is blissful to work with people you also like and trust.

For better or for worse, a person's success in the workplace is often measured not only by technical proficiency, but also by the ability to understand the culture of the organization and work effectively within it to exercise influence and get things done. You might have one of those rare jobs that does not depend upon support and input from other employees or departments. You might truly be able to function as a completely self-sufficient island. But I doubt that is the case.

The culture of your former company did not place the same emphasis on camaraderie as a business imperative, and it seems like that suited you well. However, you are in a different sort of workplace now. To fully realize your potential within this organization, you must be willing to compromise a bit on your preferences. It might not be your speed to go out after work, but you should challenge yourself to try it now and then. Your coworkers by now have surely gotten the message that you would prefer not to join them. They will therefore be doubly appreciative of your efforts to be a part of these team activities. When you do finally make it out to the local watering hole, it wouldn't hurt for you to mention to your coworkers in a humorous and self-effacing way that you would usually rather read a volume of actuarial tables than sit on a bar stool. Even as you make the effort to participate in the culture of your workplace, you should gently invite your coworkers to consider your perspective as well.

I don't think that you are necessarily working for the wrong company. There may be other aspects of your job, apart from the happy hour culture, that suit you very well. You could be enjoying challenging work and an easy supervisory relationship. It also sounds like you are valued and that your antisocial tendencies have not been characterized as a performance problem per se. It would be a shame for you to sacrifice a good gig just because you don't like to socialize with your coworkers.

Lily Garcia has offered employment law and human resources advice to companies of all sizes for more than 10 years. To submit a question, e-mail HRadvice@washingtonpost.com. We reserve the right to edit submitted questions for length and clarity and cannot guarantee that all questions will be answered.