Oprah can't stop chattering at TV press tour
Thursday, January 6, 2011; 11:17 PM
Just days after thousands of red-winged blackbirds dropped dead in Arkansas, more than 200 journalists were simultaneously lobotomized by Oprah Winfrey at television's Winter Press Tour 2011.
Oprah talked and talked and talked and talked. And then, she talked some more. And some more. And some more. Nearly an hour of psycho-babble about what it's like to be Oprah - the vessel from God who uses TV as a vehicle for the betterment of mankind but who does not allow TV to be on in her house.
"I don't know what to write! It was too airy-fairy and there was no news!" one TV critic screeched when it was over.
About halfway through the verbal siege, TV critics began to tweet to the outside world - cries for help from hostages in the ballroom at the Langham hotel in Pasadena:
"Piers Morgan bragging his 45 minute interview with Oprah turned to 2 hours is less impressive as we approach her monologue's 2-hour mark."
"The Giants should hire Oprah as offensive coordinator. With her in charge they could have run out the clock and beaten the Eagles!"
"I will now read you a list of people who have watched OWN since Sunday. Aaron Aaronson . . . ."
"Day 2 of the inspirational Oprah filibuster. Anyone planning to order pizza?"
"Will someone ask Oprah if it's ok for me to go home?"
Oprah, on the other hand, appeared oblivious of the panic that had taken hold in the room and was having a great time. She took a long, long trip down Memory Lane, retelling many stories about herself: coming from "a town in Mississippi that people can't pronounce" and "growing up without a television and begging my grandmother for a television and she said no, 'cause it was the devil's work."
She regaled critics with stories about her time at a TV station in Nashville. That was followed by stories about her time a TV station in Baltimore. And who can forget her time at a TV station in Chicago?