In/Out: 2004

The List: what’s out, what’s in as 2004 dawns

By Hank Stuever
Washington Post Staff Writer

Here's your List for 2004, and it's been 100 percent metrosexualized by yet another bossy sissy. We'd stick around and explain it to you, but everything on our List has already (already?!) been griped about and refuted on somebody's smarter-than-thou blog. (Drat!)

So we'll be down in the spider hole if you need us, with our neat new friend Scarlett Johansson (in!) or maybe Elijah Wood (out?), hiding from Fox News, orange alerts, the next 50 Cent album and that creeeeepy-looking Mel Gibson Jesus movie. We're also dodging any more essays about Paris Hilton and/or the effect of the celebutante on modern culture. It's safe down here -- no Blaster worms, flu superstrains or Karl Rove. Plus we have time to write children's books, practice our frog march, unstitch the cholo monograms from our cigarette pants, and work on our robot. (Our girl robot.)

You can handle it from here, and if you can't, there's always Google.

Like the banner on the big boat says, Mission Accomplished! Cheers, queers.

Skanky   Lovely
Undercover   Non-official cover
Remixes   Guitar solos
Snowboarding   Kiteboarding
Letting your boyfriend videotape it   Letting a major network videotape it
The NBA   AND-1
Martha Stewart Living   Sandra-Lee Semi-Homemade Cooking
Belvedere   Cointreau
Rocawear   Throwback jerseys
Ariana Huffington   Der Gropenfuhrer
MTV2   Fuse
Hiltons   Olsens
British intelligence   British television
Gourmet cotton candy   Homemade marshmallows
Jessica Lynch   Shoshana Johnson
Flat hair   Wavy hair
Spike Jonze   Sofia Coppola
Glaceau Vitamin Water   POM Wonderful
The Strokes   The Shins
Mutual funds   Google's IPO
"Elimidate"   "Lingo"
Clay Aiken   Barry Manilow
"Jesus Is My Homeboy" t-shirts   Tank tops with Yiddish sayings
Bobbi Brown Beach Body Oil   Lush Back for Breakfast Shower Gel
Mini Cooper   Scion xB
Celebrity crime   "Celebrity Poker"
Overscheduled kids   Unrestricted playtime
Bleached denim wrinkles   Baked denim wrinkles
Grady Little   Steve Bartman
"28 Days Later"   "30 Days of Night"
PowerPoint   Handouts
Paparazzi   Helicopterazzi
Trucker hats   Intellectualizing the trucker hat dilemma
Avoiding albacore   "Finding Nemo"
Homeland Security   Social Security
Friendster cliques   Stepford wives
Jimmy Fallon   Jack Black
ZipZap cars   Beyblades
Wire-Fu fight scenes   Catfights
Bachelors   Average Joes
Jackasses   Badasses
Siegfried & Roy   Suddenly Siegfried
John Mayer   Jack Johnson
Lettuce-wrapped hamburgers   Cheeseburger-flavored fries made of meat
Jimmy Choo   Holly Dunlap
Paul Smith throw rugs   Todd Oldham La-Z-Boys
The White Stripes   Whitening strips
Josh Hartnett   Gael Garcia Bernal
Jennifer Garner   Mischa Barton
David Beckham   Freddy Adu
Sushi   Crudo
Segway   Honda Ruckus
"Shake it like a Polaroid picture"   "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"
"The Matrix"   Metrics
"Suh-weet!"   "Crisp!"
Listening to Coldplay   Marrying Coldplay
"K Street"   "Avenue Q"
Von Dutch   Original Penguin by Munsingwear
Tiny dogs   Hairless cats
"Nip/Tuck"   "The O.C."
Sharpies in the end zone   Cell phones in the end zone
James Carville   Gollum
Martha Burk   Code Pink
Ten Penh   Buck's Fishing and Camping
Infant greens   Iceberg lettuce
Yellowcake   Hafnium
Viagra   Levitra
Botox injections   Toe reductions
Donatella Versace   Viktor & Rolf
Kids who read "Eragon" books   Kids who read "His Dark Materials" books
Saying something is "Ne plus ultra"   Saying it's "Sui generis"
Combing through iTunes   Subscribing to Activaire
Flash mobs   Howard Dean mobs
Adidas   Y-3 by Adidas
Enormous scarves   Ugg boots (Warning: Expires Feb. 7)
Jack Nicholson   Bill Murray
Bachelorettes   Quirkyalones
Bands who look like Blondie   Bands who look like the Allman Brothers
"Rich Girls"   "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica"
Sondheim   Kushner
US Weekly   The Star
"While You Were Out"   "Clean Sweep"

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