In/Out: 2008

The List: what’s out, what’s in as 2008 dawns

By Hank Stuever
Washington Post Staff Writer

The imaginary belle epoque rolls ever on. The Doug Neidermeyer types still rule, while the rest of us link to pictures of frightened LOLcats. (I can has wurthless American dollarz!?)

Nothing is real. Which is why we're in here minding our own business, humming Amy Winehouse songs, reading a book on our Kindle about what it's like after civilization is suddenly gone and our houses all get foreclosed by kudzu and wetlands. It's comforting, somehow. Bring on the staph-infection doomsday!

But wait -- what's this optimistic-looking New Year's message we're being handed under the stall?

Why it's The List, of course, jotted down on several yards of squeezably soft Charmin. Whattaya say?

Wink-wink? Tap-tap?

Someone's over on that side, waiting . . .

Terps   Hoyas
Monetize   Ideate
Ecotourism   Staycations
Pinkberry   Vita Coco
Halo 3   BioShock
Pinot Noir   Vinho Verde
Dating Tila Tequila   Drinking pulque
Peacoats   Anoraks
Pomegranates   Persimmons
Chris Rock   Tyler Perry
(Product) Red   Bolder Giving
Grocery-store orchids   Clivia
Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza   KFC's Double Chocolate Chip Cake
Monique Lhullier   Giambattista Valli
Sex   Naps
25 and denuded   16 and pregnant
Messy hair   Messy house
Tubby Huckabee spawn   Squeaky-clean Romney spawn
"Are We Rome?"   Are we Atlantis?
Hedge funds   Ficus walls
Models in jail   Model inmate Kiefer Sutherland
AP calculus   Latin class
Quorn   Heirloom popcorn
Jason Bourne   Indiana Jones
Virgin America   Thomsonfly
Mormon undergarments   Spanx
True Religion jeans   Earnest Sewn jeans
HBO   Showtime
Bitten   Simply Vera
Panini   Báhn Mì
Beirut   Vampire Weekend
Bodyguards named Tiny who used to be linebackers   Bodyguards named Ari who served in the Israeli army
Private jet owners against global warming   Oil companies pretending to go green
Heaping scorn on your incandescent bulb   Heaping scorn on your bottled water
Dork crushes (Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill)   Twerp lust (Michael Cera! McLovin!)
Sudoku   Scrabulous
"Crank Dat" on YouTube   "Crank Dat" at wedding receptions
Egyptian cotton sheets   Cashmere sheets
Spencer Pratt   Justin Bobby
Emile Hirsch as Speed Racer   Heath Ledger as the Joker
Cheetah Girls   Jonas Brothers
Chinese Laundry clutches   Longchamp Le Pliage totes
Seventh Generation diapers   gDiapers
Marc Jacobs   Marc Jacobs's clothes
Bubbly   Tap
The Kate Moss look   The Agyness Deyn look
The Charles Manson look   The Anton Chighur look
Guitar Hero III   Rock Band
E-mail bankruptcy   Zero e-mail Fridays
Bricking an iPhone   Anticipating a Google phone
Hanging out with Lindsay Lohan   Hanging out with Rumer Willis
Griping about the baseball stadium   Griping about Poplar Point
Wanting to be president since you were 5   Wanting to be Oprah since you were 5
Candy-colored Adidas   Forefoot-striking running shoes
"Law & Order" on your résumé   The law review on your résumé
Paddle Surfing   Bocking
Promises   Cirque Lodge
Diadems   Cuffs
"Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!"   "Yo Gabba Gabba!"
Gouda   Burrata
"The Secret"   "The Last Lecture"
Husbands addicted to Wii   Grandmas addicted to Wii
Carrying Tom Brady's baby   Hurting Tony Romo's concentration
Versace snowboards   Chanel skateboards
Dakota Fanning   Saoirse Ronan
Miles Drentell   Don Draper
Hulk, Linda, Brooke and Nick   Snoop, Shante, Cordé and Cordell
Analogues   Manques
"30 Rock" on TV   "30 Rock" onstage
Meerkats   Squirrels
"Klute" hairdos   Asymmetrical chops
Morrissey influence   Joy Division influence
Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart   Zachary Quinto as Mr. Spock
Hot dog vendors on D.C. street corners   Bibimbap vendors on D.C. street corners
Rock Paper Scissors tournaments for grown-ups   Cardboard tube-fighting tournaments for grown-ups
Uploading your cover version of "Hey There Delilah"   Uploading your harmonica beatbox solo
Hannah Montana tickets for your daughter   529 fund for your daughter
OMG, look at my Dad's jeans   OMG, look at my Dad's Facebook page
"God Is Not Great"   God is a flying spaghetti monster
TV magician comeuppance   TV house-flipper comeuppance
REI   Lululemon Athletica
"Young Frankenstein" musical   "Cry-Baby" musical
Hiking the Appalachian Trail   Hiking the Continental Divide
Kobe beef   Wagyu beef
Miss Manners   ¡Ask a Mexican!
Salami Red   Wattle sausage
Garden & Gun magazine   Donk Box & Bubble magazine

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