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By Monica Hesse and Dan Zak
Washington Post Staff Writers

(FRIENDLY ACTION) 2/B/2-30 IN : 0 INJ/DAM
WHAT: THE LIST
WHEN: 0000 JAN 01
WHERE: UNDERNEATH OUR DESKS

WE TRUST NO ONE. EVERYTHING LEAKS: MILITARY CABLES, LOUISIANA SWEET CRUDE, JOHN BOEHNER'S TEAR DUCTS. AND, WORST OF ALL, OUR [[[REDACTED MATERIAL]]].

FACEBOOK ISN'T EVEN SAFE: 3RD PARTIES HACKED YOUR ACCOUNT THE LAST TIME YOU AGREED TO THEIR TERMS AND CONDITIONS.

HERE ARE OURS: THE LIST IS YOURS IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO INQUIRE HOW WE GOT IT.

DON'T ASK. (WON'T TELL.) ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT TO US [[[REDACTED MATERIAL]]].

//REPORT CLOSED//