Fat cats: To your gilded litter boxes! We, the sheeple, all 7 billion of us, are occupying these pages!
We're beyond declarations now. We have demands. A whole list of them, somewhere between the number of federal programs Rick Perry would cut and the total population of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, as plentiful as the overpriced whoopie pies we shovel into our mouths while rummaging through other people's storage units on A&E. Arab spring? American winter? We have treasonal affective disorder. Dictators and madmen fell with the U.S. credit rating, but even Charlie Sheen's self-impeachment couldn't topple "Two and a Half Men," which continues to cripple the soul of the nation in 30-minute increments.
But it gets better! (Ish.) The List makes order out of chaos, democracy out of anarchy, reason out of Terence Malick. And we have a helper this year:
"Siri, please provide some direction."
"Where would you like to go?"
"2012"
"I don't know where that is."
Fine, we'll get there ourselves.
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
| Apps | Naps | |
 Tigers |  Sloths | |
| Hoarding | Cleaning | |
| Lululemon gear | Hand-me-down sweat pants | |
 Ryan Gosling |  Michael Fassbender | |
| Organic vodka | White whiskey | |
 Boston terriers |  Belgian malinois | |
| Adderall for studying | Nicotine for health | |
| Etsy | Art.sy | |
| Portland | Pittsburgh | |
| Hyperbole | Pragmatism |
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
 Tebowing |  Hunting the God particle | |
 Pippa's bum |  Kate's uterus | |
| Lobbyists | Paid historians | |
| Groupon | Coupons | |
 Adele |  Gary Clark Jr. | |
| Civil War reenactors | Titanic revivalists | |
| Greek yogurt | Icelandic skyr | |
 "New Girl" |  "Girls" | |
| Gold-Edition Polaroid | ||
 Bryce Dallas Howard |  Jessica Chastain |
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
| Chaz Bono | Stephen Ira Beatty | |
| Supercommittees | The Supreme Court | |
| Google+ | ||
| "1Q84" | "1222" | |
 Michael Phelps |  Missy Franklin | |
 Stewardess nostalgia |  Postman nostalgia | |
| Mustaches for charity | Clean-shaven for kissies | |
| Corporations as people | Immigrants as people | |
 Trump |  Thiel | |
| Klout | Clout | |
| Putin | Putin | |
| Bandage dresses | Wide-leg trousers | |
 Impulsive pixies |  Impulsive bangs |
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
| Adorkability | Densitivity | |
 Alex Ovechkin |  Lamont Peterson | |
 Winterfell |  District 12 | |
| Spotify | Bluebrain | |
| Words with Friends | Scrabble (with neighbors) | |
| Ovaltine nostalgia | Tang renaissance | |
| Brown rice syrup | Hot honey | |
| #SWAG | #PLUR | |
| Writing fan fiction | Conlanging | |
| Publicists | Chiefs of staff | |
| Michael Caine | Christopher Plummer | |
| "Don't remake 'Footloose'!" | "Don't remake 'Flashdance'!" | |
 Rothian ennui |  Didionesque despair | |
| Snakeskin | Peacock feathers | |
| Flea-market chic | Scandinavian rustic |
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
 Buying in Bloomingdale |  Renting in Navy Yard | |
 New planets |  New dinosaurs | |
| Trapeze lessons | Flying lessons | |
 Procedurals |  Fairy tales | |
| Quinoa | Amaranth | |
| Complimentary bread | Complimentary pickles | |
| Natalee Holloway | Natalie Wood | |
| Nicki Minaj | Azealia Banks | |
| Backyard beehives | Backyard tilapia farms | |
| Personal shoppers | Trunk Club | |
| Radical domesticity | Duct Tape | |
| "How I Met Your Mother" | "Happy Endings" |
Out | In | |
|---|---|---|
| Over-hyped Shake Shack | Over-wrought Meatballs | |
| Reviving "Oklahoma!" | Reviving "The Music Man" | |
| Matthew Barney | Ryan Trecartin | |
| Tweeting privates | Private tweets | |
 Barney Frankophiles |  Crushing on Elizabeth Warren | |
| Non-denial denials | Prebuttals | |
| Debt ceilings | Rock bottoms | |
| Wonks | Tradesmen | |
 Reagan |  Thatcher | |
| Drama | Obama |
