'Closer' to Corny By Michael O'Sullivan Washington Post Staff Writer Friday, March 10, 2000

Ian Hart and Cathleen Bradley: Looking for love in all the wrong places. (Fox Searchlight)

Cuddly as the dickens in the way that "Waking Ned Devine" was, but less original, this derivative dumpling of a romantic comedy about Irish sexuality (if that's not a contradiction in terms) is overrun with the sort of colorful characters one typically finds in cinematic Hibernia.

There's Ollie (Pat Shortt), a 36-year-old virgin still living with his mother; Father Hubert (Risteard Cooper), a pinched and somewhat prudish Catholic priest; Kieran (Ian Hart), a swaggering butcher forever reaching under his apron to adjust his, er, giblets; Ian (Sean McGinley), Kieran's laconic, sheep-farming older brother; Pat the publican (Ewan Stewart), a philandering ex-athlete around whose tavern the world revolves; and 18-year-old Sean (Sean McDonagh), the only one still young – and smart – enough to actually stand a chance of making something of his life.

Set in a picturesque village on the Donegal coast and narrated by young Sean, first-time director Aileen Ritchie's "The Closer You Get" relates the efforts of the aforementioned menfolk (not counting the celibate Father Hubert) to get, as it were, lucky. When it becomes clear to ringleader Kieran that their local prospects at love are few and far between, the boys decide to place an ad for women in the Miami Herald (inspired by the Florida-based Miss April appearing in the most recent issue of Playboy).

In preparation for the anticipated arrival of busloads of "fit and sporty" American women between the ages of 20 and 21 for the upcoming St. Martin's Day dance, the daft crew begins a crash course in self-improvement, dressing up the town with potted geraniums, practicing their dance moves and, in the case of Kieran, peroxiding his hair.

Put off by such slights to their own charms, the ladies of the town – led by Kieran's shop assistant Siobhan (saucy newcomer Cathleen Bradley) and Pat's long-suffering wife Kate (the lovely Niamh Cusack) – decide to fend for themselves in the romance department by enlisting the assistance of a few sexy Spanish fishermen from the waterfront.

Will jealousy of the Latin lovers kindle some long-smoldering sparks among these potato-headed Lotharios? Will their shipment of imported cheesecake ever arrive? Will Kieran be able to turn away from the mirror long enough to notice the cute little number who wraps up his tenderloin for him? And what of the lonely and neglected Kate? Will that scoundrel spouse of hers ever get his comeuppance? Could there be someone secretly pining for her among this bunch of lovelorn losers? Exactly how desperate has poor Ollie become?

Does any of this sound ever so slightly . . . hackneyed?

THE CLOSER YOU GET (PG-13, 92 minutes) – Contains naughty language and gestures, discussion of sexuality and brief glimpses of dirty pictures.