Wednesday, June 14, 2000, 1 pm EDT

Vic Sussman By Reginald Pearman, Jr/ washingtonpost.com

What works?

What doesn't?

What stinks?

What zings?

Welcome to Love It, Hate It, Rate It! An hour or more of reader-generated rooting, ranting and raving about things, events and people--good, bad and indifferent. Whether you're a cynic or Little Mary Sunshine incarnate, this is your chance to ask questions, make rash statements, believe three impossible things before breakfast and tickle your keyboard as you pick at the social fabric.

Tell the world, such as it is, who's great or merely grating. Pin a label on it: Heaven or Hype? What's in, what's out, what's phat or just goes splat?

Your host is Live Online's Executive Producer, Vic Sussman, who emits an unearthly blue light from his forehead when annoyed.

Sussman has a long background in broadcasting and print journalism. The author of three nonfiction books, he was previously the Personal Tech columnist for The Washington Post Magazine, Book World's audio book reviewer, and a senior editor specializing in cyberspace at U.S.News & World Report. Sussman's interests veer wildly from the vagaries of computer-mediated communication to the skeptical subculture, weight lifting, and magic as a performance art. He is not a minion of Satan, but negotiations continue.

Below is today's transcript. You may read past sessions of LIHIRI in Vic's archives.

Vic Sussman: And a good, good EDT afternoon to the assembled faithful, the usual motley crew of Muggles, Mudbloods, Morlocks (the Eloi are drinking lattes) and Misbegotten. Welcome to LIHIRI, cheaper than psychotropic drugs, but not as effective as long-term therapy. Today's program is coming to you directly from the Planet Zogmar, thanks to my friends in The MotherShip who beamed me up late last night. It is soooooo good to be breathing pure xenon again and to hear my nostril hairs going "Ping! Ping! Ping!"

That said, my own rant this week is definitely earth-bound, never a happy state of affairs. Last week I decided to wax some wood floors. (Sometimes I awaken late at night, my rugged body bathed in a cold sweat, eager to wax wooden floors.) I went to my local supermarket and dutifully bought a couple of cans of no-buff floor wax. Pour out a puddle and apply with an applicator, said the can's directions, and let dry to a sheen. No buffing. Cool. Right.

Then I went looking for a wax applicator. None in the supermarket. None in the nearby hardware store. So off I go to Home Depot, a hardware-homeware-whateverware store the size of an emerging nation. I wander the aisles looking for a wax applicator. Nada.

So I see a Home Depot guy in an apron, a sure sign of authority.
"Where can I find the wax applicators?"
"We don't sell them."
"What?"
"We don't sell wax applicators."
"But you sell the wax."
"Right."

Now, at this point, I am starting to feel like the character Jack Nicholson played in "Five Easy Pieces," when he was in the diner trying to get a sandwich made the way he wanted and not the strict way it was listed on the menu. All I wanted was a damned wax applicator, not a thermonuclear device (which Home Depot probably sells in the plumbing department).

"So let me get this straight," I said, "you sell the wax but not the applicators."
"Right. We used to sell them, but the store has discontinued them. We don't have them any more."
"Do you have any idea where I can buy a wax applicator to go along with the wax, seeing that there's a nice sort of symmetry involved?"

Well, you know the answer. So here I am with lots of liquid wax and no applicator and no way of even finding one. I have driven miles and gone to three stores and my passion to wax has started to wane. I have become the Flying Dutchman of Wax Applicators, Diogenes search for an honest applicator. But all those years as a self-reliant hippie farmer don't die easily. That night I made my own wax applicator and waxed the hell out of those floors. It was a moral victory, believe me. (To receive my exact plans for building your own wax applicator, tear off the top of your head and mail to me with a check for $14.95.)

Why rant about this? Because the idea of being able to buy wax but not a wax applicator is the perfect LIHIRI metaphor. It's a spin on that Tom Waits lyric I love so: "Everything's broken and no one speaks English."

Trust me. Damned souls in the Fifth Circle of Hell are people who couldn't find a wax applicator during their brief, tortured tenure on Earth. And some day you will see sad souls wandering the streets with hand-lettered cardboard signs reading "Will Work for Wax Applicator."

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't have a wax applicator and you know what he wound up doing.

You have been warned.

Okay, enough of this. I'm sitting here jacked into the CD "Enigma: The Screen Behind the Mirror," so let the games begin!

herndon, va: HI - High humidity!! It feels like a wet blanket!! I can't stand it anymore, do you hear me, I fjkkl;jqewwqtqwt;jkl!!

Vic Sussman: Ah yes, humidity. Try running for an hour in it, as I did this morning. You'll have new-found respect for your lungs, assuming they inflate fully.

DC: Vic,
In the print edition of the Post the Hax column is accompanied by a cartoon that is usually hilarious. When will the cartoons be on line?

Vic Sussman: The cartoons are the work of Carolyn's talented artist-husband. Unfortunately, getting them online doesn't fall under Live Online's purview, so there's not much I can do to make it happen. I suggest you write to washingtonpost.com (see "Contact Us") on the home page and express your desire to see the cartoons.

Arlington: Vic, I love washingtonpost.com and live online. Any chance of having a regular (or semi-regular sports discussion)? The Wilbon and Kornh. chat is not really about sports, it's about the really big egos of two guys (and their producer). I know you're not into sports, but there are a couple of weekly shows about movies, and the woman who answers questions from people with really insignificant problems about roommates' behavior and weddings seems to be on all the time.

washingtonpost.com: Hey, sports fans: Be sure to log on this Friday, when J.P. Flaim, one of WKFK's Sports Junkies, will be on the air to talk all things sports.

Vic Sussman: There's your answer. Btw, my dislike of spectator sports in no way means I'd be opposed to having another regular sports Live Online. It's a great idea, actually. We did have a couple of shows about high school sports, but they didn't do all that well. And I have looked from time to time for a regular sports Live Online host, to no avail, alas. But our WPNI sports department is doing a good job in booking Post sports writers on a regular basis, so we'll all keep trying to feed your habit.

Washington DC: I am a fairly calm, mild-mannered thirty-something female, but I am beginning to wonder if I am the only person out here feels and incredible urge to beat the %$#&--!# out of those Metro patrons that insist on thrusting their bags/briefcases etc. into the doors of Metro trains that are trying to pull out of a station. Are the needs of these patrons and their reaching their respective destinations so much more important than the rest of us that are trying to get to work (or home early)on time that risking puting the train out of service is acceptable?

Vic Sussman: Actually, what they are doing by jamming the doors is (gasp!) against Metro Law and they could get a Metro Ticket. I know this shakes them to the core. Too bad you can't one day grab the offending briefcase and pull it into the moving car. I live for moments like that.

washington, dc: I have heard numerous horror stories from DSL customers, especially Bell's. I am beginning to believe that Bell would prefer to have no customers since their customer service and products are terrible. There is a little thing called "capacity" that Bell seems to have forgotten about. They were in such a hurry to roll out their DSL ahead of the competition that they didn't care whether they could handle all the requests. Other people see these problems as "growing pains of a new technology" but it isn't so much that as Bell's incompetent market analysis and demand forecasts. What do you think of DSL and its problems?

Vic Sussman: I've heard the same nightmare anecdotes about DSL. And though I covet a faster connection, the stories do give me pause. For more info on this, log onto Rob Pegoraro's Live Online hour on Fridays. Rob is the Post's editor of "Fast Forward," and is privy to all sorts of info about ISPs and DSL issues.

Of course, there are also cable modems. But ever heard the horror stories about cable service? If these companies can't deliver decent cable service, why should I expect them to be able to handle data flow?

Folks, we are living in the Dark Ages of connectivity. All this will change in the next five years. Some day you'll tell your children or grandchildren that you actually had to use a modem (after hiking through five feet of snow in your bare feet) and a keyboard. The kids will be goggle-eyed in wonder at your stories of The Old Days.

Nostrils Flaring: Hiya Vic!

I may get slammed for it, but I have to get this off my chest.

HI, HI, HI: "Mission Impossible: 2." A better title for it might be "Misogynistic Impulses: 2 Obvious."

A -male] reader in Desson Howe's discussion wrote in a few weeks ago to complain about the treatment and portrayal of Thandie Newton's character. I decided to give the movie a chance -- after all, it's got Tom Cruise, right? How bad can it be?

Snort.

I'm not sure what was the worst part (WARNING: plot spoiler ahead): Anthony Hopkins (supposedly on the "right" side) sneering that sleeping with the enemy and lying to him would be all in a day's work for Thandie: "She's a woman, she's had plenty of practice!" . . . or the villain smirking, "You know women, mate -- like monkeys. They won't let go of one branch till they've got a grip on the next!" . . . or the fact that this supposedly accomplished thief screws up a simple switcheroo, can't lift a finger to help herself, and has nothing to contribute beyond injecting herself with a deadly virus. But it's all OK, 'cause Tom loves her and can save her from this situation he put her in (as the villain rightly observes).

Yeah, I know it's a total fantasy flick. I know there's a whole damsel-in-distress motif (so let's make the damsel as pathetic as possible). I know this movie is aimed at the 18-35 male action-loving audience (so what if their girlfriends incidentally get slapped in the face). I know Woo's special effects are incredible and Tom is a big star (so they couldn't spare a little chump change to hire a decent writer). Somehow, all the eye candy didn't soothe my nauseated brain.

I know every movie can't be Thelma and Louise. I rather expected this one to insult my intelligence and stretch my credulity. I didn't expect it to spit in my face on top of that.

LI: Being able to express these thoughts. Thanks!

Vic Sussman: I haven't seen MI2 yet, but I did see "Shaft" last night. A bunch of us Live Onliners took our free passes (this is why we went into journalism) and caught the opening. Okay, it was fun, if you like seeing lots of people get shot. (I know. You can stay at home and see this.) And if you like hearing dialogue in which every other word is an expletive that begins with "mother" and ends with a word scrawled on a wall near you. I'm not a prude and have been known to use that and other offensive words from time to time, but it ain't great writing.

OTOH, Samuel L. Jackson is always a treat on screen. And the gun shots sounded awesome, really low-frequency BLAM! BLAM! Very realistic, if you're into that and understand Guy Things. But the movie isn't even a memory by the time you get to the lobby. Chewing gum for the eyeballs.

One thing though: I GOTTA get one of those ankle-length leather coats that Jackson wears. Like the one he wore in "Matrix." Woo-woo.

Arlington, VA: Hi and happy hump day...

My biggest rant concerns the Southern Baptist conference, which approved the notion of not allowing women to become pastors. As one man put it (paraphrased), "Only men can be called to be pastors." I think it's a bunch of bs - that it's discriminatory and sexist, to say the least. Your thoughts, wise Vic?

Vic Sussman: Kind of dopey that any religion would bar women from doing anything men can do. I don't get it, never have. Too bad God is silent on this and other issues.

Fairfax: Total hate it:
Going into DC to see a band, having the venue (ahem, the GARAGE) delay the show, and having to leave before the band plays because I have to catch the danged metro that won't run late on weekdays! What a waste of time and money.

Vic Sussman: Yessss, we are still very much a sleepy Southern town. What was it President Kennedy said of Washington? That it had Southern charm and Northern hospitality. And a Metro service that befits a one-horse town.

Maryland: Love it: this chat and the opportunity to discuss Live Online issues with a most influential Live Online worker
Hate it: that you can't do the same in an ombudsman forum
Rate it: I still love the Post, but gimminy cricket, let me discuss my likes/dislikes with ease.

Vic Sussman: Bwahahahaa! You talking to me? As "most influential"? Um. Okay. And put your loose tooth under the pillow tonight.

The Post's ombudsman (woman) was a guest on Levey Live a long while back. We should have E.R. Shipp return for another go-round. Thanks for the suggestion.

Van Ness, DC: Love it: "Woo-Woo" Love it.
Hate it: Wishing we'd have the same response (outrage, sadness, memorials, armies of police) for every murder, not just the grandmothers and priests.
Rate it: 6/10 This morning's run. The air was a little thick, but the temperature was good. I'll take it over those 90-degree mornings that are coming.

On Friday, I was touring the vast acreage of the Price Club when I stopped to look at the books. Two minutes later I returned to the place where I had parked my cart to find my stuff on the floor and the cart gone! On Saturday, I went to the Safeway in Chevy Chase to pick up ice for a picnic. I had to wait a few minutes to get a cart, since, according to one employee, "all of the carts are in these apartment buildings." So, on Sunday when I found a shopping cart in the elevator in MY apartment building, I decided to walk it the three blocks back to the store. All of us must pitch in to rid our fair city of this awful scourge.
Of course, we shouldn't whine without offering solutions: OK, fellow apartment dwellers buy yourself a "granny cart." They're sold at Safeway.
But I'm conflicted: am I freeing the shopping cart to pursue its destiny or am I returning it to a life of servitude?

Vic Sussman: Um, last time I checked, those shopping carts cost the various stores about $150 each. Probably more by now. So "liberating" a cart is clearly stealing. But maybe I'm just a purist.

DC: Hate it:

When the highlight of my Wednesday afternoon, otherwise known as the incomparable Joel Achenbach's Rough Draft column, is mysteriously absent from washingtonpost.com

I may go stick my head in the oven.

Vic Sussman: Gas or microwave?

One is slow, the other spectacular.

Film at eleven.

Washington, D.C.: I had a similar problem with outdoor torches the other week. Home Depot and Safeway both sell the torches, but not the fuel. I had to drive to 6 stores to finally find one that sold fuel (but of course they were out of torches.)

LI: Jimmy Buffet on the grass (going to the concert on Saturday)

HI: Just can't get a good corned beef or pastrami on rye in D.C.

Vic Sussman: Let's set my wax applicator on fire!

Oakland, CA: Metro riders, you are not the only Cinderellas. The BART also closes at midnight.

HI: If you live in the East Bay, you can't take a bike on the BART during rush hour (6 AM -9:30 AM) and (4:30-7 pm). You can't ride across the Bay Bridge. So if you live in the East Bay and want to bike to work in San Francisco, you can't. End of Story.

RI: 10. The bike rides in the East Bay hills.

LI: It finally getting hot here. And the newspaper having front page articles about the record breaking heat. Apparently, 90 is not normal for this area. Seems great to me!

Vic Sussman: Very few places in the States are kind to bike riders. I hear Palo Alto is one of the best bike towns in the country. Biking here in the D.C. is okay in certain places on certain days, but a blood sport otherwise. I and bike riders of my acquaintance have had motorists throw things at us, try to run us off the road and scream all manner of unkind references to our parentage. And all this because we're on two wheels instead of four.

Alexandria, VA: LI: I think JFK said that DC is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm.

Vic Sussman: Aha.

I knew it was something like that. As always, I have to type faster than I can think. At least I know I have an attentive audience. Thanks.

sherrin DC: HI The Merchant of Venice. My oh my it is so anti-semetic. Have you seen it? Am I over-reacting?

Vic Sussman: No. It is. And has been duly noted in many, many reviews. But I guess it's okay when a classic is anti-semetic. Check out Fagin in "Oliver Twist."

Washington, DC : HI -- Self-absorbed drivers who think that they can pull into a parking garage that says "Full" and still get in -- consequently blocking the entrance for 15 minutes for those of us who have monthly parking stickers because the idiot driver has to back out and we're all stuck behind her. Selfish!

LI -- Great marriage, great dogs, great job - and that my only complaint in the world is a rant about a parking garage.

Vic Sussman: Parking garage rage. That's a new one for us. And if this is the only thing you're ranting about, you are one lucky soul.

Okay, confession: I drove through our WPNI underground garage the other day, gunning around the turns so fast and loud that I set off a chorus of security alarms in my wake.

I didn't cackle hysterically about this. No. Really.

Washington DC: I believe Lawrence Fishburne was in the Matrix and was wearing the long leather coat.Not Samuel L. Jackson

Vic Sussman: Oh duh.

I'm going home.
Right again.
And yes, I can tell the actors apart. Typing fast is hell on the neurons. But never mind. Jackson wears a lot of leather in Shaft and I dug Fishburne's long coat.

Whatever.

FFX: LI:Got a good-natured kick out of hearing on the news yesterday that my beloved bob levey got stuck in the latest metro fire-fear. Good to know that metro screw-ups happen to even the biggest proponents of our system.
HI: summer colds

Vic Sussman: Yes, but when Levey gets in a situation like that, he's probably thrilled because he knows he's got an easy column to write.

madison, wi: Vic -
I know I will be one of many to tell you this, but it was Laurence Fishburne in Matrix. Killer coat, though.

Vic Sussman: Okay, okay, hurt me.

CLINTON MD.: LI:Watching a beaver build his lodge at a pond near my house with my 4 yr. old granddaughter. Who says kids don't have an attention span, she could have stayed there allnight.

HI: Just the thought of a NRA store in Times Square. NY just got rid of the porno there. What's more pornographic then the NRA

RI:Tran Am+10 any year, OJ Simpson-10 Please just go away-hopefully justice is waiting for you in the next life. Illinois Gov. Ryan moratorium on death penalty+10, I couldn't make this decision, sadly he seems to be the only Gov. bothered by the possible execution of an innocent man. GWBush seems to have a kill of the month club.

Vic Sussman: Oh please.

What will an NRA store sell in Times Square? Not guns, not with New York's Sullivan Law. So they'll be selling, what, tee-shirts, books, literature, mini-Colt .45 key fobs. This offends you? Don't shop there.

You may not like it, but like adult content (the word "pornography" is meaningless, with no legal standing) the NRA and similar organizations are covered by the First Amendment.

EraserheadGuy, DC: Vic, could you please resume addressing us in your opening rant as "mugwumps"? As I'm sure you know, mugwumps are creatures in William S. Burroughs' "Naked Lunch." I've never read it--who really has?--but David Cronenberg's movie version was grEat.

Vic Sussman: I left Mugwumps out this week.

Just testing you.

Charlottesville, VA: Hey Vic, your thoughts on this.

I have a 9 year old Whirlpool refrigerator. Called appliance tech to check out a problem, turns out the compressor is getting ready to hit the skids but appliance tech says that good news is that Whirlpool acknowledged about 5 years ago that those particular compressors were defective and stopped using them. He says Whirlpool will replace it for free. Call Whirlpool, they say that despite the fact that it is indeed a defective compressor, they will not replace it because "it took longer than the other defective compressors to go bad". Their position is because it didn't go bad within the standard 5 years, that EVEN THOUGH it IS a defective compressor to start with, that they're not responsible. Rat bastards. My new fridge will be something other than a Whirlpool.

Vic Sussman: Whirlpool to Charlottesville: Screw you.

I get it.

Wheaton, Md: Vic, I love your integrity! In this Me First! and If-I-feel-like-doing-it-it's-OK world, I'm glad to see that someone is still willing to say what's right and wrong . Yes, taking a shopping cart with out returning it IS stealing. Very refreshing, especially after reading the newspaper regarding the craziness in NYC's Central Park on Sunday.

Vic Sussman: I am known far and wide for my Shopping Cart Integrity. I am the envy of my friends. Thank you for noticing.

Washington, DC: LI - decided to resign my job b/c it was affecting my health. I instantly felt lots better, even though I still have another 2 weeks at this place.

HI - Is DC falling apart? All those exploding potholes in Georgetown, now these fires in the Metro --- walked from K Street to Cleveland Park on Monday due to shutdown stations, full cabs and packed buses. Traffic was crazy so didn't call my roommate for a ride so he could be spared any danger! decided to have dinner at a restaurant b.c I was so tired, and by the time I was done eating, there was room on a bus.

RI - I normally love DC but lately it gets a 6 -- I am starting to be scared to get on the Metro or walk down M Street (been here since 1991 without fear).

Vic Sussman: Nice to hear that quitting your job improves your health. We will take this under consideration. However, I suspect that things will even out when and if you run out of money. Kind of a vicious circle, no?

Actually, it's exploding manholes in Georgetown. The potholes in D.C. are still safe. Good thing, since we have so many of them. It's really awful when good potholes go bad.

Dupont/Mt. Vernon Square: LI: My walk to work is a little over a mile - I can do it in 20 minutes while reading.
HI: Today's humidity ruined a perfect hair style
RI: 4 - me for not knowing better and wearing my all purpose hairstyle.

Vic Sussman:
You walk to work and read at the same time? I'm trying to visualize this. You occasionally look up from time to time, right? For, like steaming piles of dog poop awaiting you in the distance or Washington's infamous Exploding Manholes? Otherwise I hope you are reading a nice book like, say "Last Exit," or something by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

And I like your note about your all-purpose hair style. I don't have enough hair to have any style. Unless I had one a them ankle-length leather coats like Eddie Murphy wore in "Great Expectations." Or maybe it was "Repo Man." I'm typing as fast as I can...

Arlington, VA: RI: 10+ to ErasErhEad for participating in almost Every onlinE discussion the Washington Post has. MaybE the Post should hirE him to host his own forum.

Vic Sussman: On what? On "EraserHead"? An hour about one obscure, hard (impossible) to find movie?

This is what is known as High Concept.

Arlington, VA: LI: It's 70, not 100 out, for a change.
HI: Metro's new fire "policy".
RI: Biking in Minneapolis 9 (just cause I'm sick 10s for everything).

Vic Sussman: What is Metro's "fire policy?" Burn, baby, burn?

DC: Just so you know -- it is a NRA theme restaurant opening in Time Square, not a store.

Vic Sussman: Oh hahahaha!

I love this country!

And NRA theme restaurant!

"Hello, I'm Wild Bill Hickok and I'll be your server. Our special today is the Glock salad with a side of fragmentation grenades."

Or

"Will that be smoking gun or non-smoking gun?"

Folks, I can do 45 minutes of stand-up on this alone.

Arlington, VA: In our never-ending attempt to cover all bases...have we done Sidewalk Rage?

Everywhere in the United States, if you're walking along the sidewalk and you come up to someone walking the opposite direction, you move to the right and pass each other left-to-left. Just like driving. Duh. Except in Washington. Here, everybody insists on passing right-to-right. If you're walking down the right side of the sidewalk, as you're supposed to in every civilized North American jurisdiction, people veer way over to your side of the sidewalk so that you'll end up passing right-to-right.

What is this, England? Did our founding fathers fight for nothing? Was the blood of patriots (like Mel Gibson) spilled so that we could continue this oppressive British tradition in our very capital? Am I getting way too carried away with this? OK, yes. But still. You DRIVE on the right. You BIKE on the right. Your ROLLERBLADE on the right. Why can't you people WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK?

Thank you. I feel much better now. Excuse me while I go find my prozac.

Vic Sussman: Just shove them out of the way, into the gutter. This is what my powerlifter friends do. Saves time.

Rockville, MD: The person fr. Arlington ranted about the S. Baptists opposing women as pastors (i.e., as leaders of congregations). First, according to the Post article, this decision is not binding on the individual congregations which are free to do as they please.

Second, the S. Baptists espouse a literal reading of the Bible (e.g., the Earth was created in 6 days, etc.). In, I think, one of Paul's letters, he states that only men can be pastors. Therefore, there is a basis for the S. Baptist view.

Arlington may think it is bs but others may feel that some of Arlington's beliefs are bs too. I am not S. Baptist but I respect their right to run their denomination as they see fit.

Vic Sussman: You know, I am just too, too wise to jump into a rant about religion, organized or not. My views are so off the wall that I would risk hate mail and letter bombs. I'll just let y'all duke this out by yourselves. But I'll prey for you. (Yes, I know how to spell.)

Bethesda: Vic, Vic, Vic.

Strosneiders, my friend. It's a sleepy, 40-year-old hardware store in Bethesda that sells everything everyone else has forgotten about, discontinued, and otherwise abandoned. I guaran-darn-tee it they'd have had your wax applicators, and your torch fuel, and everything else you'd be looking for.

And no, I don't work there. Or know anyone who works there. Just a fan.

Vic Sussman: I know the store, but it would have been one more trip, one more travail just to wax the floors. I made my own applicator, so to hell with The System.

SoCal, California: LOVE IT: A "Repo Man" reference in the 21st Century!!!!

Where was THAT film on that AFI special?

Vic Sussman: I see "Repo Man" at least once a year. It keeps me centered. As I said last week, my favorite line is when Harry Dean Stanton (The World's Greatest Actor) sees people on the street and says something like "Ordinary [expletive ending in "ing"), I hate them."

Harry, I love you.

Germantown, MD: HI: People who speed around the turns in parking garages. Even where there are convex mirrors, this is incredibly dangerous, not to mention thoughtless. You are lucky not to have hit a car, or worse, a person. Shame on you.

Vic Sussman: Oh jeez.

Now I'm going to hear from my favorite trauma nurse again.

I'm going to be good tomorrow and I promise to stop doing dangerous, foolhardy, fun and insane things. Really. I'm working on this. I'm going to be a grown-up. Soon. Stay tuned.

Burke, VA: HI: People like Dupont/Mt Vernon who READ while walking. I see more and more of these sad souls. They can't even look at the world around them. Plus they're a menace--walking in front of cars, bumping into people. Would you read while you drive? I know, I know, wrong question in this area...

Vic Sussman: As I said, I'm trying to visualize this. I think it's safer to tool through the blind corners of a parking garage then it is to read and walk. Of course, I know a lot of people who aren't coordinated enough to read and walk at the same time.

mad sleepyhead: Vic,

perfect LIHIRI for you.

We ordered sushi for our client who visited us today. No soy sauce and no chopsticks.
Nothing. Nada.

We had to run to the nearby Korean-owned store (thank you!!!) and begged them to sell some soy sauce to us.

As a native of Japan, sushi HAS to come with soy sauce and chopsticks. No question about it.

Vic Sussman: This is our very first sushi rant.

You made our day.

Lansing, MI: HI: People who pronounce Gyro with a "G" sound instead of a "Y"

LI: The Detroit Tigers spent gazillions on a new baseball stadium and attendance still suffers.

Vic Sussman: You really had to dig deep for these rants, huh?

We still love you though.

Philly PA: "Was the blood of patriots (like Mel Gibson)..."

Even though he's in a movie called "The Patriot" this summer, good ol' Mel is actually from Australia... Doesn't have an cell of American-born red blood cells in him

Vic Sussman: Whaddya bet somebody in this audience will have more to say about this? Like Mel was born in Australia but was raised in California. Or vice-versa.

Watch this space.

WDC: Speaking of an NRA restaurant, do you think I can get a salad with "crispy cop-killer bullets" on it? Will they charge me extra?

Vic Sussman: The napkins are made of Kevlar.

EraserheadGuy, DC: Hey, Vic, I suspect that Arlington's earlier comment about my omnipresence may be an inside job. I mean, you folks are able to tell where our missives emanate from even when we use different names, right? The only times I sign on as mysElf are with, of course, Queen Rita, you, and occasionally Desson. Kim O'Donnel knows me by another not dissimilar name. And while I frequent other chats, it is only as "DC." And by the way, if you change your mind about that "Eraserhead" chat, I'm free...well, not free, but available for a price.

Vic Sussman: This is EXACTLY how we think of you (and we think of you all the time), as omnipresent.

The little hairs on the back of my neck are erect...

Beeethesda: LI-When stupid old men in their mercedes cut you off then proceed to weave in and out of traffic only to end up right back behind you where they started in even more of a rage than they were before. Can we say heart attack waiting to happen....

Vic Sussman: I read this twice.

I'll have to get back to you...

Silver Spring, MD: LI:Vacation time is a comin!!!!!!
HI:On the tv news when describing a suspect they leave out race. Does that automatically mean white? To be consistent they should just always include it.

Vic Sussman: Why is race relevant? Maybe when they are looking for the perp, but otherwise, do I care that a criminal is black, white, brown, yellow, whatever?

Not really.

NY: HI - the incidents in Central Park. What were these men (if you want to call them that) thinking. Maybe some men out there can explain the mab mentality to attack women because as a woman I can't.

Vic Sussman: Some guys are very, very sick and need to be institutionalized.

Fairfax VA: LI: Went canoeing with my iron Grumman at Seneca Breaks last weekend (both days!) and saw a beaver, an otter, and caught a 4-lb smallmouth bass.
HI: The parking lot at Violette's Lock is jammed with yuppies taking kayak lessons. BTW, there was a bi-i-i-g trailer chockful of kayaks for rent parked there with a little table as a rental counter. I thought that was National Park Service property--what's up with that?

Vic Sussman: Sigh. I took kayak lessons there when it wasn't the In thing. Don't tell me now that the river is going to get overcrowded. "Everything's broken and...."

walking reader: We are not a "menace." Please. Just like every other form of transportation (biking, driving, smoking or nonsmoking Metro) there is a right and wrong way to do it.

One can maintain awareness of the outside world and still look at something held in his or her hands.

Vic Sussman: You are going to get a lot of arguments on this one.

GBurg: in the NRA restaurant, when the waitperson asks ready to order? patron answers in the affirmative, waitperson must be required to say SHOOT.

Vic Sussman: Welcome to Open Mike Night at LIHIRI.

We're all comics today.

Re: Repo Man: Suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp, and then someone says "plate" or "shrimp" or "plate of shrimp", out of nowhere, no connection. It's all part of the cosmic unconsciousness.

Favorite Harry Dean Stanton line: "I don't want no commies in my car...no Christians neither"

Vic Sussman: Jung called it "synchronicity." He said this just as his wife mumbled "coincidence." Really. You could look it up.

Somewhere, USA: Mel Gibson was born in the USA (New York I think) and his family moved to Australia when he was a little kid

Vic Sussman: See?

I told you we'd hear more details.

I know you're all out there. I can hear you breathing.

washingtonpost.com: Uh Vic, btw, it was Lawrence Fishburne, not Samuel L. Jackson, with the stylin' leather coat in the Matrix. Geez...get up on your pop culture.

Vic Sussman: It's not pop culture, you Staff Doofus, it's sitting here and typing my widdle fingers to the bone for the Great Unwashed. What? You never made a mistake? I make them online for the whole world to see!

I see you in the parking garage and you're in trouble...

Dictionaryville: Vic, I wasn't going to say anything about this, but since you are holding yourself out as a spelling expert, it's "anti-semitic", not "anti-semetic".

Vic Sussman: Man, you guys are after me today. Now it's spelling. Where is the trauma nurse when I really need her?

DC: Vic, Vic, Vic...Samuel Jackson wasn't isnt 'The Matrix' - that was Laurence Fishburne.

Vic Sussman: I think I read this somewhere.

DC: How do you get bold type to appear? I wanna know, pretty please!

Vic Sussman: I have the power to do this and you don't.

Eat your heart out.

washingtonpost.com: I don't make any mistakes.

Vic Sussman: See what I have to put up with around here?

Arlington : Mel Gibson was born in upstate New York but raised in Australia. Have no idea what his citizenship is.
We'd never let you down, Vic.

Vic Sussman: We don't care any more, but thank you for thinking of us.

DC: Vic, sidewalk rage! I assume that people who don't walk on the right side missed Kindergarten on that day. Feel free to educate them.

LI-"Young Frankenstein"+10 Marty Feldman still rules.

Vic, have you seen some of the new roller coasters, 300 FT. drops at 80 degree angles, wow

Vic Sussman: On the rollercoasters, let me point out that I can save money by throwing up at home. But that's just me.

Washington, DC: Now that the subject has been raised, Mel Gibson was, in fact, BORN IN THE USA -- Peekskill, New York, to be precise.

Always love a challenge...

Cheers!

Vic Sussman: Oh. Good. Now we are narrowing it down. What was his house address?

Don't you people have lives? I mean, I'm getting minimum wage for doing this.

Gburg: I think Fishburne was in Driving Miss Daisy?

Vic Sussman: Nah. That was Morgan Freeman. Hated his coat.

About Mel Gibson...: He was actually born in Upstate New York, and moved to Australia when he was 6, thus making him chock-full of American red blood cells....

Vic Sussman: Oh yeah. What was his blood type?

San Diego, CA: Actually I think JFK said... southern charm and northern efficiency. He was flattering the city after all. (just came off that discussion)

Vic Sussman: No. It was the other way around. And he was not flattering this city. Where is JFK when we have exploding manholes?

NY Re: Mob in Central Park: Believe me, I would love to see these 'men' after they experience their own 'Mob' attack by inmates in Rikers. Nothing will hit home their disgusting and horrific crimes like a night of fending off a 300 lb. cellmate named Ox (and failing). Then they'll know what it feels like.

Vic Sussman: I'm not sure I could add anything to this without upsetting the Web site's editor (which is my part-time job). So I will remain uncharacteristically silent.

washingtonpost.com: I'll admit to one mistake. I misspelled "Laurence." So fire me.

Vic Sussman: Now the staff is getting into the scene. I'm suddenly a brother-sister act.

Mystic, CT: Ahh, but some of us still remember Fishburne in his "Cowboy Bob" duds on Pee-Wee's Playhouse...

Vic Sussman: And you were stoned at the time, right?

Wash DC : Vic, we love you regardless of your spelling mistakes or pop culture snafus.

LI: That it only took me 45 minutes to change the address on my drivers license and get a new residential parking permit at the DMV last week. Good job DMV!
HI: Humidity. I'm looking at three consecutive months of bad hair.
RI: "1900 House" on PBS. 9/10. It's the "Real World" for educated people.

Vic Sussman: They are NOT pop culture snafus. Gimmee a break. Fast typing humbles everyone.

Okay. I. Am. Going. To. Type. Really. Really. Slowly. So. My. Answers. Are. Accurate.

That better, poopsy?

WDC: I believe the previous poster's reference to Mel Gibson as a patriot was alluding to his movie role, not his origins. Try not to take everything so seriously. You fool (not you, Vic).

Vic Sussman: ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.

Oh. Were you talking to me?

Alex VA: This was mentioned earlier, but not in the form of a question ... where is Joel Achenbach today? If the column is not there, usually there's a note that he is on assignment or something.

Does <b>this</b> come out in bold?

Vic Sussman:
No, it doesn't. (Snort)

We control the horizontal.
We control the vertical.
We control the bold.
Do not attempt to adjust your computer.

Fishburne was on Pee-Wee's Playhouse: So was Phil Hartman....

Vic Sussman: But not recently. Unless I'm missing something.

Smartalek, DC: I think JFK said Lawrence Fishburn is from Peekskill and Mel Gibson is charming and efficient.

Vic Sussman: I think you're on to something here.

Arlington, VA: You don't pay your producers enough....esp. the young ones.

Vic Sussman: This may have come from inside the building. We are conducting a search now.

Coats: Do you remember the old Police Squad show when Leslie Nielson had a suit whose stripes were horizontal instead of vertical?

Vic Sussman: Was it ankle-length? Otherwise don't bother me with details.

Arlington, VA: Philly: I know he's an Aussie. See, it was a joke about how an Aussie is starring as an American revolutionary hero (after starring as a Scottish revolutionary hero). Just to be clear, I also don't actually believe the American Revolution was fought over what side of the sidewalk people should walk on. Although, living in a city where people walk sanely, I'm sure it's hard for you to appreciate what a serious social problem it is. I know I had no clue in my carefree pre-DC days.

Vic: Metro's new fire "policy": If someone thinks maybe they smell smoke or something, close the station and suspend train service for two hours. Brilliant!

Vic Sussman: Now we are explaining the jokes. Is everybody still here?

I have to get a life.

Another walking reader in DC: I fully agree that it is entirely possible to read and walk safely at the same time (provided, of course, that you put the book down when crossing the street). Reading makes my 10-minute walk to the metro seem like nothing.

Vic Sussman: May you walk while reading down M Street whilst the manholes are exploding.

Write back when you can.

Arlington, VA: HI: Microsoft paying people (yes, this was one of the things they were found guilty in court of) to go to online forums, like today's Newsweek forum, and spout the company's PR while pretending to be ordinary users. "I'm just a country girl who doesn't know much about computers, but even I can see this is an unconstitutional move by a bunch of lawyers and judges who've never had to innovate anything in their lives."

Yeah, and I'm Bill Gates. Aside from Microsoft PR flacks, who's EVER used "freedom to innovate" in a sentence?

Vic Sussman: Don't get me started about Microsoft. I have my own personal Microsoft story (involving my meeting with Melinda French (Mrs. Bill Gates) that would curl your hair.

I'll leave you with that mystery for now...

Dianetics, California: No John Travolta jokes today?

Vic Sussman: I thought this was one.

DC: You can gloat over bold if it makes you happy...

BUT if I were you, I'd gloat that so many people have abandon work so that they can "play" at Live Online all day, every day.

Vic Sussman: Yessssssssss.

Bwahaha!

As productivity goes up for Live Online, it goes down in offices everywhere.

Oh, the power!

pee-wee's playhouse: Of course Fishburne and Hartman weren't on recently. The show was cancelled years ago. At least 5.

But it was terribly entertaining. Cowboy Bob and Captain Carl. We miss ya, Phil.

Vic Sussman: See. I was joking. Really. Hartman is dead. The Pee-Wee show is dead. I knew this. I was putting you on. It's in my job description.

Rockville,MD: Vic:
I'm surprised at you. Where do you come off letting some staff weeny dress you down on line? Forget the parking lot. Can you say, WashingtonPost jobs classified? I'm sure the staffer could find a challenging new position in the food service or housekeeping industries. Rev it up Vic. You've been dissed.

Vic Sussman: No. You don't get it. It was one of MY staff members. She can do no wrong. Besides, I never provoke net-goddesses, of which I have two on staff.

DC: Mel tip: his parents moved the family to Australia after the father won money on 'Jeopardy'.

Vic Sussman: Message to everybody: Stop the Mel Gibson Machine.

We don't care any more.

Reston, VA: Hey Vic, submitting early-
LI- this column
LI- that I'm going to see Buffett tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!
LI- that its SUMMER!!!
HI- my job...
RI- my job (scale of 1-10): 2

thats pretty sad, I know

Vic Sussman: I don't know. Loving this show, Jimmy Buffett and summer can't be all bad. At least you have your priorities straight.

Arlington, Va.: Last week I asked how I could find the transcripts for two shows.

I wanted to thank you and your producers for getting that info for me so quickly. I appreciate it!

washingtonpost.com: We aim to please.

Vic Sussman: Well, as I have said repeatedly, I happen to have the World's Greatest Team working with me (Note: Not "for" me, but with me.) They are the smartest, funniest, most sharp-edged (and sharp-tongued) crew extant. (They even know the meaning of "extant.")

walking reader: Amen to my walking brethren. We look up from our books when crossing the street. There are others out there who give us a bad name, but again, there are people who are bad at every form of transportation (not every bike courier is a speed freak, either.)

I don't bump into nearly as many people as the aggressive sidewalk-pushing people. As a matter of fact I've never bumped into anyone.

Sometimes the books are just that good, Vic.

Vic Sussman: Tell us what you step in while you're absorbed in yer book.

washingtonpost.com: The net-goddesses thank you, Vic. As for Rockville, watch your back.

Vic Sussman: We have cookies in your machines, dear audience, so we know where you live and work. We know when you are sleeping. We know when you're awake. We know when you've been good or bad, so be good for goodness sake.

In addition to speeding in parking garages, having a loud muffler, upsetting trauma nurses and making pop culture snafus, I think I just committed a copyright violation.

The day just gets better and better.

Gallaudet Univ. : Yo, Vic; what's the story on your hat quote today? You a rocky horror fan?

Vic Sussman: Whoa. You just reminded me that I forgot to write down the author of today's Hat Message. For you Macophiles, it's this: "Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."

I've seen the Rocky show, live once, but it's not something I get cultish about. Not like, say, "Repo Man" or "Yojimbo" or "Tetsuo: Iron Man."

Arlington, VA: Can you do italics too? Show us!!

Vic Sussman: You mean like this?

You're getting off on this, I can tell.

Fiendship Heights, MD: Repo Man, Vic? Didn't that movie have one or more Sheen boys in it? Tsk, tsk.

Vic Sussman: Emilio Estevez.

Great line: "This is [expletive ending in "ing"] intense!"

Capitol Hill: I still care about Mel...

Vic Sussman: But he never sends you flowers any more...

Los Angeles: So, do you get a lot of weird, off-the-wall, or down right frightening posts during this discussion that you don't put up? I would think that a wonderful free-for-all like this would invite some nut cases attempting to post all sorts of inappropriate messages.

Vic Sussman: No. The audience is ALL nut cases, so we're on equal footing.

Besides, do you know who your host is here?

Bravo Sir: For having Queen Rita Kempley grace us with her wisdom and benevolence each week.

Vic Sussman: I am a living, breathing public service. It's true. Small children throw flowers at my feet and dogs and cats lick my fingers. (I could limit this by eating with a fork.)

Charm City: RE: Washington having "northern charm and southern efficiency" ... I've heard this one attributed to H.L. Mencken (way before JFK). He said this while comparing DC to Baltimore, which has "northern efficiency and southern charm."

Vic Sussman: H.L. Mencken was actually born in Peekskill.

Ponder...: What if Emilio Estevez's character in Repo Man had been in Blair Witch Project instead...

Vic Sussman: Even more intense, though "Repo Man" is the better flick.

Silver Spring, MD: Hell I need to know .If a rapist or other criminal is on the loose in your neighborhood an accurate description would definitely help.

sign me SBF

Vic Sussman: No, no: I said it was relevant, in my view, if the perp was on the loose and the public needed a description. Otherwise, I think pointing out race is more inflammatory than anything else.

DC: This is a response to something from a while ago, but I just had to write in to defend students who study in coffee shops. I can understand the anger of people who want to sit and drink coffee, but the bottom line is that this is the fault of the coffee shops themselves, not the students. If they didn't want us there, they would not have study tables with study lamps set up, and (most of all) they wouldn't have plugs for our laptops near virtually every table. If they didn't want us there, they would kick us out after a certain amount of time, but I've never heard of that happening, probably because we tend to provide a lot of revenue with our hourly cups of overpriced coffee and sugary treats to keep the studying going.

Vic Sussman: Most of the students I see at work, hogging the tables that should be reserved for limited-time browsers, aren't eating or drinking all that much. And I think the book store management doesn't restrict their squatting because management has no backbone, corporate or otherwise.

Somewhere, USA: How do you keep your audience focused on these strange topics? This doesn't happen during Speaking Freely.

Vic Sussman: You think this audience is focused?

I am having a choking fit of laughter right now.

Wash DC: Vic, what do you think about the District putting "Taxation without Representation" on its license plates?

I must have DMV on brain today ...

Vic Sussman: I think it's a great idea. Makes me sorry I don't live in the District.

Of course, if the manholes keep blowing up, D.C. could also put this on the license plates: MORE BANG FOR THE BUCK

Falls Church Va: LI - the pic on this afternoons "front page" of the 21 tee salute to Payne Stewart, the defending US Open Champion who tragically died last fall.

Thanks for these discussions....truly break up my afternoons and makes life more bearable.

Vic Sussman: Yes, this particular discussion also breaks up my afternoon. Not in the way you think, though.

WDC: Re: Merchant of Venice

It's the so-called Christian characters in Merchant that act like jerks throughout the entire play. And, if it's done well, it makes the persecution of people based on religion look as horrendous as it really is. The line in the courtroom where Antonio tells the Judge that Shylock will have to convert as part of his punishment - that makes me weep every time I read it.

Vic Sussman: Please do not weep, read and walk at the same time.

Unoriginal, VA: I'm not feeling so creative today - my rant is road rage.

This has happened to me twice in the past three days - middle-aged men didn't turn on their blinkers to change lanes in their big, fat pimpmobiles, cut me off then flipped the bird when I honked to avoid a collision. Excuse me sir, but I hope your small child isn't in the car learning how to act like a goon and drive like an idiot! They must be bitter that the Viagra isn't working.

Vic Sussman: Wow. You certainly have covered a lot of offensive bases in one brief post. Everything from pimpmobiles to impotency. Congratulations on a fine job.

Re the discussion of a few weeks back: Rita Kempley and Desson Howe both claim that Dogma is blechy. So, do you trust your esteemed Post colleagues or abandon them in favor of your discussion participants? Tricky tricky.

Vic Sussman: I trust the members of my staff who have seen and enjoyed "Dogma." Implicitly. Believe me.

Foggy Bottomer: Hey Vic! You Rock!

LI: Five Guys burgers in Old Town. Best you'll have, plus cajun fries from heaven. When will they open a DC shop?!

HI: That EVERY time there's a crisis or death or disaster in the Middle East, the media feels obliged to show a wailing woman, usually in traditional garb, on the evening news/front page. The Post is a repeat offender. It's a lazy cliche, not to mention insulting.

RI: My birthday (and girlfriend) 10 out of 10. She kidnapped me for the weekend to a wonderful B&B out in western MD!

Vic Sussman: Hold the burgers, in my case. But your point about cliche pictures of wailing women hits home. Kind of like showing kids playing in fountains in around open hydrants whenever there's a heat wave. Photo editors: Please Spare us.

Congrats on being kidnapped by your girlfriend. Did she make up one of those cute cut-and-paste ransom notes or just abduct you at gun point? I'm getting turned on...

Washington DC: I'm not sure if this is a love-it or a hate-it, but it bugs me....

Why is it, that in every East Coast beachtown, there is always someone playing Jimmy Buffet? I've been to the outer banks, hilton head, OC, and the Keys, and it's Jimmy Buffet 24/7. How did he monopolize the beach scene? Why? I've been sick of him ever since my college dormmates fell asleep drunk with the door locked and the CD player doing "Margaritaville" jammed into "repeat" with the volume at 11.

On the other hand, every time I go to Mexico it's that damn "Guantanamera."

Vic Sussman: Beats the hell out of "Louie, Louie."

wash, d.c: Please, please, please: Tell us the Melinda French story (oh how I hate bill gates and Microsoft)

Vic Sussman: If I do, MSFT will put a contract out on me.

Arlington: I hope I can get this to you today if not,
save it for next week. I've seen at least 2
posts today about the happiness of Beavers.
Please people, if you feel this way, go to
the HSUS website and voice your comments
tothe 2 developments in VA (1 in woodbridge)
that are KILLING these animals with BODY
CRUSHING traps--even though the humane
society has offered to come in and
demonstrate non lethal means for FREE and
even though only a small handful of residents
are complaining (even though there has been
no actual damage yet). This is
unconscionable and one of the these cuties
has already been crushed to death. BEAVER
RAGE PEOPLE

Vic Sussman: I can't resist a good cause.

Mystic, CT: HI: Idiot parenting- Kids not in carseats, running and screaming around pulling things off shelves in stores with no punishment, people letting their 4-year-olds go to daycare in 35 degree weather with no coat on because "he didn't want to wear it"- Unbelieveable!!!! Why oh why have kids if you're too weak to show them that there are consequences for their actions??

LI: My 6'3" boyfriend finishing road races at a 6:05 pace. He's all elbows and knees, and I'm always afraid lives will be lost when he screams in to the finish line. But it's still beautiful to see.

RI: Flying to Balmer next weekend for a wedding and having blue crabs for the first time in about a year: 20 out of 10!!!

Vic Sussman: I have never been to a wedding of blue crabs. It must be quite moving to see. Write back.

Angry Young Librarian: Hate It for the day: Being stabbed in the back by associates.

I'd assumed over the past year that one person and I had a fairly good working relationship. I found out last weekend that this person has been doing everything she could to sabotage my reputation, including making things up that I supposedly said. (It's unbelievably high-schoolish-- I'm ashamed to have to be upset about it.) I have no idea how to deal with this person (who I supervise), especially when she's terribly nice to my face. Going to the boss just seems so very "Mommy, fix it!"

I guess I just have to seethe to myself and be unhappy in my job, or leave. But dammit, I can rant at least. Librarian rage!

To end on a happier note: LI- watching The Music Man on DVD. It may take up only the middle third of my screen, but for the first time I can see the whole movie at once! Long live widescreen!

Vic Sussman: I have always enjoyed seeing Samuel L. Jackson in "Music Man." And Harry Dean Stanton's voice rings like a bell.

Mt. Pleasant, DC: LI: driving my BMW occasionally at 100+ MPH it is not reckless or dangerous if the road is clear and clean and you have a car with the chops to do it even if law enforcement authorities may see it otherwise.
HI: people driving slow in the left hand lane, you are right the speed limit is the speed limit and if you want to drive the speed limit have at it; however, you are not the law enforcement and should not be blocking others who may choose to flout the law. You are not making things safer.
RI: Mt Pleasant 10 of 10, lots of diversity, short walk to Adams Morgan and a great web site to boot.

Vic Sussman: Calling all trauma nurses!

Do you offer ride-alongs?

California, MD: Hey Vic, what ever happened to the discussion with Rage Against the Machine that was supposed to be broadcast a few weeks ago? I read the other transcripts and saw that no other band really had anything intelligent to say. Is that why Rage was nixed?

Vic Sussman: They never showed up.

Washington, D.C.: For the record, The Tony and Mike Show is about sports. We answer about 30 questions a week, 98 percent are about sports since it is a sport show. We answer other questions to keep it interesting and lively. As for the egos...hmm. Interesting observation. I'll pass it along. --Mary

Vic Sussman: This is a voice from the Inside. Mary knows what she's talking about, so cool it.

Washington, DC: LI: Terry Robiskie's discussions: granted, the state of the Redskins is a tightly focused topic, but Robiskie has an terse, direct style that is perfect for the Internet. And he presents himself as a no-nonsense, straight shooter. When Anthony Williams moves on, Robiskie for mayor.

Vic Sussman: Yes, we are very happy to have Terry as a Live Online regular.

Fairfax, VA: LI: Commuting to work on my bicycle.

HI: Wiping out on my bicycle and "tacoing" my front wheel.

LI: That two exceptionally nice women - I only know their first names, Linda and Susan - took time out to check me out after my cycling accident last Thursday (one of them apparently was a nurse), and provide transportation for my bicycle and myself home. A million thanks to these good samaritans.

RI: 100 out of 10 - the kindness from these strangers. I hope to be able to repay their generosity some day.

Vic Sussman: Okay, we're going to actually end on a nice note. (But if you were riding a recumbent bike you wouldn't have gone head -over-ankles. But never mind.)

Our hour has now stretched to almost two, thanks to many more questions and comments than I can possibly get to. Thanks for your attendance, your devotion, your total nuttiness. You make my day worthwhile.

Too bad you can't hear what's going on in my office right now. The laughter and craziness is sheer joy.

In any event, time to go, time to eat some lunch, time to say, as I do every week, in the words of The Duke--

Love you madly.