Jacqui Salmon

Families...and So On, hosted by Washington Post families reporter Jacqueline L. Salmon, is a free-ranging and freewheeling look at the American family. This is the place to talk about the burning issues facing the 21st century family, such as whether the world really needs diaper-wipe heaters.

Join Jacqui to share tips on surviving family life, tell stories, throw out particular problems and then brainstorm solutions. She'll occasionally feature guest experts, such as leading researchers, doctors and parenting educators in the country, who will be available to answer your questions.

Jump right in to tell us the worst thing you've ever said to your child, the best thing you've ever done for your spouse, what you'd really like to tell your parents, the best compliment your kid has ever paid you, the longest your baby has ever stayed awake...and so on.

Jacqueline L. Salmon has been writing about suburban family life ("suburban" being a state of mind rather than a geographic location) for the last four years. She is married, has two children and (natch..) lives in the suburbs.

Jacqui's several lives as a mother have included stints as an at-home mom, working part-time and doing the mega-hour/mega-commute thing. She's also the co-author of three books on parenting and child development.

Below is today's transcript.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

Jacqui Salmon: Good morning and welcome to the last day of July. Today we're going to complain to each other. It's--ta da!-- the long-promised column on complaints by and about working parents. What drives YOU nuts? As a working parent myself, it's schools that hold daytime meetings, dry cleaners that aren't open on Sunday, school-bus regulations that mean your child can't ride the bus home with a friend if you get stuck at work (that's one of my BIGGEST beefs), teachers with no voicemail so you have to endure endless days of time-consuming "telephone tag." And in my days as an at-home mom, I REALLY REALLY got steamed about briefcase-toting working moms who behaved as if I were invisible. I got used to it with men (sorry, guys...), but why did other women treat me as if I didn't exist? Join us. Send in your question/comment NOW. We're continuing with our "you write 'em, we'll post 'em" policy. Send us a question, and we'll post it within 15 minutes (assuming it's, like readable and everything). And off we go.....

McLean, VA: Child-care centers that close at 6:30! In an area like Washington D.C., closing that early is really hard. Especially when the commutes keep getting worse and worse.

Jacqui Salmon: Child-care center hours are a real problem, and it's getting worse because of the shortage of child-care workers. I even know of some child-care centers that have had to institute earlier closings because they just don't have the staff to make it even until 6:30. That said, there are a few child-care centers scattered around the country that stay open 24 hours, or at least stay open until later in the evening because so many people are now working "off-peak" hours. If anyone has suggestions on how to deal with this, I'd love to hear them.

Leesburg, VA: Hi. I'm sending this question in early, and I'll read your response later. I'm an at-home mom and I get REALLY steamed when working parents leave their kids home ALONE ALL DAY. I've seen kids as young as 8 or 9 home in the summer, running through the neighborhood completely unsupervised.

Jacqui Salmon: Go ahead! Tell us how you REALLY feel. You're absolutely right. Some working parents DO leave their kids home alone while they work, and it's a real problem in the summer when kids are left without supervision all day. If you believe that the children are genuinely neglected consistently, you can call your local Child Protective Service agency. But be careful! Many CPS agencies operate with the subtlety of a sledge-hammer and can cause real damage by lowering the boom on families who really don't need their services. Have you thought of having a tactful conversation with the parents of these children? Perhaps they don't have the money to pay for all-day child care, but many local jurisdictions offer low-priced summer camps, and you might be able to suggest a few. Good luck!

VA: I really HATE the expression "stay-at-home-Mom." I think it sounds as if one is a shut-in or something, or like all one does is obsess over one's children. Whatever happened to "Homemaker" or even "housewife"? I think that either of these sounds a LOT less pejorative than "stay-at-home-Mom." Also, since when does a woman need to have kids in order to work full-time at running the household?

Jacqui Salmon: Right on! When I'm out interviewing, I ask women if they 'work outside the home" in order to tactfully (I hope) ask them whether they are a at-home moms. The problem is that all moms are at home. And asking them if they "work outside the home" gets confusing if a mom runs a business out of her home. I had assumed that "homemaker" was considered a pejorative word. But it's not? I'll switch to asking moms if they are "homemakers."

Arlington, VA: People who bring their kids into the office! Once or twice I can understand (snow days, mainly), but why can't people plan for the rest of the year, when they KNOW what days their kids will be out of school?

What a nightmare.

Jacqui Salmon: Ahem. I plead guilty on this one. My children have spent an occasional afternoon watching Nickelodeon in the conference of my office when my husband's out of town, and I have to work late. Is it really a problem? I mean, are the children disruptive or loud? I like to think my kids are pretty unobtrusive.

Arlington, VA: I'm just sickened by the Leesburg post (not the poster!)--I can't believe people leave their kids at home by themselves!

Why don't people think before they reproduce? If you can't afford day care or to stay at home with your kids--DON'T HAVE ANY!

Jacqui Salmon: I can offer one mild defense-and that is some parents end up in a financial crisis that they hadn't counted on when they had children. Divorced moms, for example, who are struggling to keep the family home on a reduced income.

chantilly, va: Childless co-workers who complain when I leave work on time. "You can set your clock by so and so" "It must be -- o'clock because so and so is leaving." They can afford to stay late on the spur of the moment, but I need advance warning to make sure my child is not left alone after school.

Jacqui Salmon: I HATE that. You can end up feeling like such a traitor just because you're leaving at a human time of the day. If you come in earlier than your childless co-workers, see if you can tactfully allude to that fact. Maybe have the coffee made when they come in. But there's also a broader issue here--and that's the rising tension between childless workers and working parents.

Clifton, NJ: But what about those who are NOT working parents and also suffer consequences? Bob Levy recently discussed parents who bring their children to the office all summer and disrupt the workplace. Parents who consistently leave early for childcare or other obligations force their co-workers to pick up the slack. In my office, it is usually the mothers who shoulder the burdens of childcare and errands, why can't husbands SHARE the load. Mom picks up the kids one week, Dad takes the next??

Jacqui Salmon: It's a real problem, I agree. I get a lot of complaints about it. In this 24-hour, go-go economy, employees are being asked to do more and more, and everyone is feeling the strain. Any suggestions on what would help things?

Charlottesville, VA: I am about to become a stay-at-home mom at the end of next month to my daughters, ages 1 and 4-1/2. I am looking for suggestions and ideas of activities to do with my older daughter. She is not old enough to go to kindergarten this fall, but she's very bright and an eager learner, so I want to work on some "kindergarten skills" with her. At the same time, I want her to have fun and not think that learning means sitting in a chair working in workbooks all day. Thanks!

P.S. The Mother's Almanac Revised, by your Post colleague Marguerite Kelly, has given me some good ideas for science and art activities.

Jacqui Salmon: Congrats for making the leave to homemaker. It can be a tough decision to walk away from a paycheck. As for activities, a growing number of stores now offer "educational" products just for children like yours. Zany Brainy is one outfit, although I've noticed lately that it's getting much more toy-oriented. Look for "teachers' stores" in your communities. They offer loads of educational products that are fairly inexpensive. And you're right, your daughter DOES need lots of play time. At the age of 4, children's main "job" is to play and, through play, learn about the world before they march into a classroom.

Silver Spring, MD: My challenge was to maintain a balanced life for my child after his father's death while working. I chose -- for his sake and mine -- a flextime position which paid little in comparison to my skills. $$ were tight and my career path slowed but I thought and still think I made the right decision. As a former teacher and social worker and as a parent what bothers me the most are parents who bring children into the world without taking into account the energy and time they will need to invest and then want the rest of the world to accommodate their self created overly pressured lives. I don't understand the drive to have it all -- all at once.

Jacqui Salmon: What a tragedy you've suffered! Taking the financial hit in order to be with your child is a lot braver than you may know. A lot of folks would have just buried themselves in work. As for self-centered parents, there have always been self-centered people (lots of 'em) in this world, and they certainly aren't going to change when they have kids. Unfortunately.

Arlington, VA: Kids in the office (during normal business hours) occasionally isn't that bad--things happen, I realize. It's when it becomes standard operating procedure that everyone suffers.

EVERYONE who brings their kids to work thinks their kids are unobtrusive. I've tripped over smaller children while carrying my lunch, I've had to wait for the copier because my boss's darling kid was copying her artwork several times--each time on a different size or color paper; I've had clients ask "What's that noise? It sounds like you're having a party there"; I've had to cover for my boss with clients because he couldn't take calls with the kids around, etc., etc., etc. I've also had fun playing with some of the kids, but I had to learn not to do that, because the kids then expect that, and won't let me get any work done.

I'm not saying your kids aren't well-behaved, but no parent thinks her/his kids are disruptive.

Jacqui Salmon: Yech. Your boss is the one bringing in the kiddies? That's a problem. Maybe some tactful hints or an occasional joke about the artwork-copying xeroxer might help. I wasn't aware that this was such a hot issue in the workplace. But now I am.

washington, dc: We're all "working moms" whether we work outside the home or not. Things have definitely changed since June Cleaver's time. We expect more from ourselves- and are surrounding by other parents that are sometimes frazzled when we try to "do it all".

Jacqui Salmon: I agree!

Laurie: I hate that our pediatrician doesn't have evening hours. This has been covered ad nauseum, but I really dislike half day Mondays and the fact that the school year ends nearly in July.

My dry cleaner has Sunday hours AND a drive thru. I love them.

Also working moms who volunteer to coach both their kids soccer teams are to be worshipped.

Jacqui Salmon: Oooh, where's your dry cleaner? Seriously, yes, it's amazing how oblivious doctors and other medical personnel are about the strains of working outside the home and raising kids. My daughter's orthodontist only has daytime hours. Well, hello?? That's a problem for people like me with a work schedule

Vienna, VA: How about working fathers? I work out of the home, and frequently the other mothers treat me like I'm some kind of scumbag.

Jacqui Salmon: Homemakers, out there? Is that true?

Arlington, VA: I have to say that I really don't understand the one poster who said that you can work full-time running a household without kids. I've worked part-time and freelanced from home, and there's NO WAY you can spend 40 hours a week keeping your house (assuming you have no children), unless you're hand-weaving your sheets from wool you spun from your own sheep; and making dinner from the pig you freshly slaughtered.

Jacqui Salmon: Uh-oh. We've ventured into the Mommy Wars. In defense of homemakers, keep in mind that they spend a lot of time volunteering at kids' schools. In fact, I've seen studies that point out that at-home moms' free labor is a significant contribution to the economy and society.

Washington D.C: I wish at-home moms would be a little more pleasant to us working moms. They all act like I'm doing something evil to my child by working! I can't get them to participate in car pools (one said she'd car pooled with a working mom before and it hadn't worked because the working mom's schedule was too 'erratic.) I mean, really. Can't they help out just a little?

Jacqui Salmon: Yet another dispatch from the Mommy Wars. Any reactions?

Arlington, VA: Co-workers who look at you, "You're leaving at 4:30?" Never mind that I've been at work since 7:30. Day care providers who say they only serve nutritious meals and then tell you they took the kids to McDonalds and the snack was a pop-tart (once/week). Stay home moms who give you a guilt trip for working full time. "Briefcase" moms who guilt trip stay at home moms and think they do nothing all day. The big one - coworkers who think maternity leave is VACATION?? and the fact that maternity leave for most of us is actually payless leave. What value we place on our children and families, huh?

Jacqui Salmon: No, our culture does not place much value on children and families. At least, I don't think so. People with no children will dispute that, no doubt. And they have some legitimate concerns. I mean, having to wait for the xerox machine because your boss' little darling is copying her artwork?

Washington DC: Since my family is about to leave for a vacation, I was wondering how people have figured out how to have vacations that both adults and kids enjoy.

Jacqui Salmon: Any ideas anyone? If you have the bucks, a cruise is a good idea. But I object to resorts and cruises that offer all-day child care so parents can enjoy their vacation virtually without seeing their children. Come on! Why go on vacation if you don't want to see your kids?

Jacqui Salmon: Let's take a quick commercial break here. We're talking about complaints by and about working parents. Send in your comments/questions by 12:50, and we'll post 'em right away. So go ahead. Fire away.

Washington DC: My two sons have very different temperaments and personalities: One is a sports-lover, the other more of a dreamer. We've gradually realized that we developed as the parents of a sporty kid, and now that the younger one needs other things from us--we're having to adapt our parenting style and our hobbies. Anyone else recognize this situation?

Jacqui Salmon: That's an interesting question because it says a lot about today parenting "culture." Previous generations of parents never had to worry about their children's differing personalities. They just didn't consider changing their parenting style to suit their child as necessary. In fact, they assumed that their child would adapt his "style" to their parenting standards. But times have changed. A psychiatrist I interviewed recently pointed out that we're the first generation of parents who feel responsible for our children's emotional lives. Previous generations of parents assumed it was enough to feed, clothe, teach and love their children. Actually, during much of our human history, parents didn't even feel compelled to LOVE their children. Until quite recently (in the last 100 years), children were viewed as miniature adults who needed to be disciplined until they learned whatever parents felt they needed to be taught.

Fairfax : How many times do people have to be reminded, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KIDS IN A CAR UNATTENDED WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING?!?!?!?! That is such an invitation to disaster.

Jacqui Salmon: Thank-you for the reminder!!! It's very important in this hot weather. A car's temperature can soar well over 100 degrees in just a few minutes! Pets are also in severe danger in an unattended car in hot weather.

b'more md: Ms. Salmon,
The kids coming into the office really ARE a problem. If yours sit quietly all day and bother no one ever, then they are the exception to the rule.

I resent having kids running up and down the halls, coming over to talk to people who (mistakenly) have been extra kind to them, playing on the computers, etc.etc.etc.

This is particularly frustrating when they are the children of senior managers. To whom do you complain? Not them, if you want a job in the morning. If you have an emergency and can't get childcare, take a vacation day and deal with them yourself. Your childcare issues should impact others trying to do their jobs.

I KNOW this sounds harsh, but it is the reality of the workplace. It is not a good place for a kid to spend hours on end. And not good for the workers forced to endure them, either.

Jacqui Salmon: And you're right.

Minneapolis, MN: In response to the poster who said there is no way you could spend 40 hours a week on housework. Wrong. Does it include taking care of the yard, vegetable garden, gutters, grocery shopping, painting etc? I took a couple months off work between jobs this summer and I worked harder than I ever did in a corporate job. What a lesson for someone with no kids! Moms are amazing!!!

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks for your comments.

Alexandria, VA: My pet peeve: The PTAs the have turned into fundraising organizations. When I was in school, the PTA was concerned with the teaching conditions of students. Now all they do is plan fundraisers. This seems to be most prevalent in the most affluent communities. I am in Fairfax County, and I figure that PTA fundraising activities run us about $100/month. And I refuse to buy/subsidize a lot of offers. Since when do school pictures get taken twice a year? I really do feel that if these organizations spent more time devoted on what goes on in the classroom, instead of the $40,000+ that they raise every year, they could do much, much more to improve education.

Jacqui Salmon: IN fact, the national PTA does not like the continual fund-raising that local PTAs engaged in, but the national officers say there's nothing they can do to stop it. (I'm not so sure about that, but whatever...). At any rate, a few school PTAs have decided just to skip the gift-wrap, pizza, candy etc. fundraising treadmill and just ask parents for money. And your comment about school pictures...YES! I AGREE! And why do I also have to have expensive pictures of my kid's swim team/ballet class/soccer team/T-ball team/karate class...it goes ON and ON. And, yes, I feel strongly about this.

Arlington, VA: Like Vienna, I'm also curious as to why many fathers who work from home or who care for kids full time appear to be ostracized from "mommy groups." I don't have kids yet, but I work with men and have many male friends, and can't imagine excluding them from parenting circles. I'd also hope that if my husband is able to take a stint as a stay-at-home dad that he would feel welcome among other parents. Anyone out there with experience on this?

Jacqui Salmon: thanks for the comments!

McLean, VA: I work and always have. My complaint is this: the stay at home moms at my kids' school act like I'm some sort of traitor or neglectful parent by working in a professional position. By the way, I rarely do anything outside of work that does not involve my children, and I attend every school event during the day, send in cupcakes for birthdays, etc.

Jacqui Salmon: I think some of the attitude from homemakers might be a legitimate feeling that they are doing the lion's share of the volunteer work at the local schools. But, if you ARE kicking in your fair share, it's frustrating to be viewed, somehow, as the enemy.

Manassas VA: Response to Wash DC, looking for family-friendly vacations: Our family has rented a mountain cabin for the past two summers, and had a blast. Cooler temps, low humidity up there; a "home base" for day trips in beautiful countryside; equipped kitchens to reduce eating-out expense and hassle; the option just to stay "at home" and chill out. This year was up on Lake Dunmore in Vermont, and it was lovely. Depending on the ages of your children, some locations closer to home come to mind: West Virginia, Deep Creek MD, etc. But we made the trip up part of the vacation with stops along the way, including the Amazing Maize Maze outside Lancaster PA.

Happy vacationing!

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks for the advice!

CHANTILLY, VA: What to do on vacation. My son and I love to go camping (I'm the mom by the way. My husband would rather die than spend a night in a tent.) Most campgrounds have many activities geared towards children, and they are located everywhere from the mountains to the beaches. They are also cheaper than staying in a hotel/motel and are close to many attractions.

Jacqui Salmon: Good ideas, all..

Arlington, VA: The high priced housing market really is out of control. How is a person supposed to get a family started if they have to live in the projects or an apartment in the boonies with a 1.5 hour commute? If Americans didn't have to spend so much money on basics of life I think the American family would improve because we'd have time to be with our family.

Jacqui Salmon: You're right. Prices are really, really scary.

annapolis: For the parent with two sons with different personalities- there are some good resources available that discuss temperament and personality in children, and adapting parenting styles to suit them. I would suggest checking out a website called "The Preventive Ounce". I think their address is: www.thepreventiveoz.org
They have some great tips on identifying and raising children with various kinds of personality styles. A book called "Nurture by Nature" by Tieger and Barron-Tieger is also a great source.

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks for the help!

Arlington, VA: I think sometimes you just have to let your house go and spend time with the kids. Who cares if its messy. At least your happy and having fun.

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks. I agree, although sometimes it's hard to live in chaos.

Annandale, VA: Customary annual leave in the US of two or three weeks is way below European vacation leave. If parents could use vacation time for family emergencies, I believe there would be less animosity between workers with children and workers without. We in the US just don't seem to be too family friendly. Do you agree?

Jacqui Salmon: Employers could do a lot more to help their parent workers-without upsetting childless workers if they can offer them benefits as well.

Arlington, VA: I think you misread my post--it's not stay-at-home MOMS that have plenty of time on their hands--it's the people who stay at home that DON'T have kids. An earlier poster stated that keeping a house, even without kids, is a full-time job. This is what I was disagreeing with.

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks for the clarification!

Silver Spring, MD: for the mother in Charlottesville who's about to stay home w/ her children. 1st Bravo! 2nd
talk with her a lot, read picture story books and folklore and easy nonfiction about subjects of interest to her at varied times during the day, talk about them w/her -- decoding isn't the biggest problem w/ reading -- comprehension is, create activities building on them, spend the time increasing her ability to concentrate through extended activities (that doesn't mean sitting still), forget worksheets totally. Enjoy!

Jacqui Salmon: Sounds good.

Mt. Rainier: Maybe this is tossing a hand-grenade in the Mommy wars, but as a non-mommy let me add this perspective. My mother felt abandoned by her working mom and swore she would never do that to her kids. She stayed home like religion throughout. I HATED it. She was bored by the work, bored by 4 kids all yammering about the same dumb thing and missed adult conversation to no end. Yet my best friend's mother went to work to avoid taking care of a ailing mother - that fell on my friend's shoulders. Circumstances and personality are IMPORTANT in making these decisions!!!

Jacqui Salmon: Absolutely.

Philly, PA: Is there such a thing as overplanning a family?

My wife and I decided recently that we would start working (wink wink, nudge nudge) toward starting a family at the end of the year.. When I went to ask my boss about flex time arrangements for myself; I got a look of what I'd call annoyed bemusement. Basically, boss told me to wait until wife's 6 months pregnant then come see her again...

am I guilty of going too far too early... we always hear about the negative issues around unplanned pregnancies ... what about people who plan ahead of time for their gestational periods getting weird looks?

Jacqui Salmon: Ummmm, yeah, I think you're being too anal. Wait until there's a bun in the oven before approaching your employer. If you want to know how flexible your company will be, make some quiet inquiries among your co-workers who are parents.

Gburg MD: Jacqui, you want to know what
REALLY steams me? Stay at home OR working moms who treat me like I'm invisible or a freak because I'm single, 40+ and have no children. You'd think I was a teenager the way they talk to me, as though I know nothing about sex, procreation, childbirth or child behavior. I've been called selfish and that I wasn't a REAL woman because I didn't have children. And there's a real arrogance there, as well, as though I'm committing a crime against humanity by not having a (illegitimate?) child. Why is this?

Jacqui Salmon: You're not alone. Many childless-by-choice women complain that they're treated as if they had sinned against the world by choosing not to have children.

Laurie: We have had good luck with Myrtle Beach. We actually take our 7 year old and in-laws. Myrtle Beach has something for everyone, great beaches -- very clean, lots of restaurants, shopping and there is a miniature golf course on every corner.
We also like Myrtle Beach because it is a
1 hour drive to Charleston, one of our favorite cities and another great spot for family vacations. If you didn't want MB, you could look into one of the Charleston area resorts who also provide activities for kids -- Isle of Palm, Kiawah Island.

Jacqui Salmon: I might have posted this one already, but wanted to try again. Thanks for the suggestions!

Washington, DC: I get in at 7 AM and, because I don't have kids, am expected to stay until all my work gets done. In the project-related world I live in, if my co-worker has to leave early to pick up her kid, I have to stay later to do her work. Fair? I think not. I would say that people who have children should recognize that it requires them to have a normal schedule and not take on the projects that would require this commitment. It might slow down their career path, but life is about choices, isn't it?

Jacqui Salmon: Too true.

Arlington, VA: Silver Spring sounds like a great parent--I wish all of those in the D.C. area and elsewhere were so thoughtful about their decisions and how they affect their children. Just from that post, I have to say I admire what she's done, particularly given what she's had to deal with.

Jacqui Salmon: Thanks.

Arlington, VA: I think the main problem that childless co-workers have is when "things" happen all of the time. We all have problems that arise from time to time (pipes bursting, parent is very ill, etc.), and usually everyone is understanding and pitches in. But when it becomes a habit--as it often does with so many parents--and imposes on co-workers on a regular basis, then we, the childless, start to get steamed. It seems like some of my co-workers with kids NEVER really work a full week. It's true. There is ALWAYS something.

Jacqui Salmon: Well, when you're a working parent, it IS always something. But, I agree. Working parents need to arrange their lives so there isn't always another crisis just around the corner.

Fairfax City: I love working for 2 working moms who get what I am talking about and understand when I have to leave early sometimes.

Jacqui Salmon: Isn't it great? My editor is a working mom, and she's great. I think it makes a big difference. But in defense of men, I've worked for guys with wives who work outside the home, and they've been understanding as well.

Arlington, VA: My parents took their 4 children on a gazillion vacations in the summer--always in the station wagon and always camping (all we could afford). While my siblings and I have great memories of these trips, my parents say it was harder work than work, but that they're glad they did it because of how much we enjoyed it.

Jacqui Salmon: When you have young children (especially several) vacations really aren't "vacations." They're a change of scenery. The everyday tasks of child-rearing never go on vacation.

Germantown, MD: To Wash, DC:

You want SAH moms to help you out? Since when is that their responsibility? Sure, once in awhile as a favor, to be nice, etc., but not as your crutch.

And what about when you can't leave your meeting and your little dear is at my house at dinner time all the time?

Sheesh.

Jacqui Salmon: The Mommy Wars continue....

annapolis: A place called Nighttime Pediatrics is one of my best friends, particularly since they take adults too. They're open from 5-11.

You know, you would think more places would offer odd hours taking into consideration that there are parents that wouldn't mind working the flexible (evening, weekend) hours to contribute to the family budget. Over the years I've worked some odd hours, but there are definite advantages. I love my job now, but sometimes wish there were more flexible hours. There are so many jobs when you can get the work done in 40 hours that aren't necessarily from 8-4:30. We are supposed to be turning into a 24 hour society, but some services are slow in catching on to this.

Jacqui Salmon: I have written about "tag-team" parents--two-career couples who work different shifts so they can minimize child-care. But those schedules can be hard on marriages.

Mt. Rainier: Day care centers are going to be poor places to put children as long as they hire people for low wages and no benefits. Sure, young kids will hire on - and may even be good - but no one will stay in such a position for long unless they have to. I worry about poor people affording day care, but I'm disgusted when the well-to-do gripe about the pittance they pay to the people watching their 'treasures'.

Jacqui Salmon: Yes, child-care wages are LOUSY. They usually make less than garbage men, bus drivers and janitors. One salient fact: Most child-care workers are women, and male-dominated jobs tend to pay much higher salaries than those in the "pink-collar ghetto."

McLean, VA: To the Washington, DC single person who comes in early and stays late to finish what her co-worker with kids did not...

how arrogant of you to think that we working parents cannot pull our own weight. I too have to leave "early" (by 5 pm to fight the traffic to pick up my child before daycare closes...). HOWEVER, I bring work home with me almost every evening to keep ahead of my work load in the office. SO PLEASE do not assume everyone with kids depends on childless co-workers to complete projects.

Jacqui Salmon: I see we are in another kind of war now, too. The Child-free vs. the Child-full. Or something like that.

annapolis: Perhaps the answer with the vacation/leave benefits issues would be to offer a "menu" of benefits that each employee can pick and chose from. That way, working parents, single parents, the childless and those with a domestic partner can all select from the same menu of benefits. Right now, I think the biggest battle would be fought with the insurance industry and the businesses themselves since all benefits have a price that impact the bottom line- and productivity.

Kind of makes me hope that working moms are well-represented on these issues! Things won't happen unless we push for them...

Jacqui Salmon: An increasing number of companies are, indeed, offering "cafeteria-type" benefits. But this option has been around for more than a decade, and it hasn't spread as quickly as you would think it would. I think they can be complicated for companies to manage-especially since many are outsourcing human-resources services.

Charlottesville: I know I'm not posting this in time, but here goes anyway, just in case. Re: the news story about the mom who's kids were taken when her vehicle was left unlocked with the engine running. I read somewhere, and always heed this, don't leave your kids unattended anywhere you wouldn't leave a million dollars unattended. Sometimes we think we're looking out for our kids' best interests ("it's cool in here, I'll just be a minute, etc.") and we're really inviting disaster

Jacqui Salmon: Heck, no! You're not too late! We'll keep going until we get to everyone. Actually, let me amend that. I think I, uh, mistakenly killed out a couple. So if you don't see it posted, try again next week. Sorry......

Jacqui Salmon: ..Actually, I think that's about it. (Oh dear...I think I killed out more than a 'few' queries...). Join us next week when we'll continue this discussion OR talk about overweight kids, depending on whether I can schedule my nutritionist guest in time. At any rate, join us next week and join in--whatever the topic.