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The Tony and Mike Show
Oct. 15, 1999

Michael Wilbon Tony Kornheiser Can't get enough of Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon? Missed the opportunity to witness the carnage live? Have no fear – the transcript of this week's edition of The Show follows.

washingtonpost.com: Good afternoon. Thanks for joining us. Michael is joining us remotely from Arizona (he's still in the airport – talk about dedication to the Chat House!). Tony is here in Washington. We'll be starting shortly.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Welcome. Willkomen. Bienvenue to the Chat House.

We're still waiting for Michael to call in from the airport in Phoenix. I'm sure he's playing golf. He'll say his cell phone doesn't work. – Tony

silver spring Md.: Tony:
In today's Wilbon column in the Post he refers to a "noted celebrity journalist who won't play golf unless it's for nothing" Are you the celebrity he speaks of?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Yes. I am the celebrity journalist Wilbon refers to. What he doesn't say is that I spent a ton of money to join a golf club and that in fact he has schnurred more free golf in the last year than Fred Couples. – Tony

--Laughter in The House.--

Hello to everyone and how gracious of Tony to out himself unnecessarily. I am chatting from Arizona where I will be covering the Redskins, shuttling to memorialize Wilt, and playing at least 36 holes of golf. You damn better believe for free. – Mike

Ha Ha.

Gaithersburg: Tony - It's amazing to see such a change in your beliefs in such a short time! Just a few weeks ago you were worried about your word processor blowing up, and now you are more dedicated to your "Chat House" than your national radio show. Welcome to the '90s, and I'm not talking about the 1890's either.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: It's a brand new world my friend. And I know this because Wilbon has told me that there's money to be made in the Chat House. – Tony

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Money that he will not use for greens fees. – Mike

Wash DC: Hey Mike,

Did you ever see that hatchet coming at you from "The Assassin" regarding conflicts of interest from your Skins work? How come you get slammed and TK's stuff from his show doesn't! Did you snag Leonard Shapiro's parking spot one morning or what?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Laughter.... I guess the hit stems from my "color" commentary work in the pre-season. The shows that both Tony and I do with George Michael, we are paid by Channel 4 as far as I know. The "Assassin" has been very kind to me otherwise, too kind. – Mike

The greater point in that column was that the Redskins own and produce the All Access Show, and if Brett Haber doesn't see the potential for conflict, he's not looking. The fact is, in the modern world where print journalists so frequently do radio and TV, the lines of conflict change every day and can trap any of us. –Tony

Reston, VA: Media Babe question:

Melissa Stark or Wendy Reiger?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Wendy Reiger, landslide. – Tony

Wendy, but Melissa is moving up fast. – Mike

Arlington, VA: Tony and Mike:

Yaaahhh Boyyyyyyyyyyzzzzz.

On what planet are some of these respondents to the Sports Century Top 100 list? John Elway is not on the list, but three horses are?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I put one horse, number 8 which Wilbon rightfully will NEVER let up on me for. I did not have John Elway in my top 50, but remember the vote was in before Elway won his first Super Bowl. – Tony

Elway did not need to win a Super Bowl to make my top 50, particularly ahead of Marino who is nowhere near the player Elway is, but made the top 100 list nonetheless. The horse thing... I find completely offensive. Seriously, it pisses me off and I wish that the coordinator, Mark Shapiro, had thrown the horses out. – Mike

I understand the horses that did not make the list are on the menu at McDonalds. – Tony

--- Laughter in The House. ---

Asunción, Paraguay: Do you believe that the Redskins will have a defense in the near future? Or do we have to hope that Brad Johnson and Co. can score more than 35 points every game for the rest of the season?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: How's the German food in Paraguay these days? As far as the defense goes, the Redskins have hired a 72-year-old man to help. I understand the contract is day to day. – Tony

--- Laughter in The House. ---

That's cruel.– Mike

If Foutes, Winslow, Joiner, Jefferson, can't do it... neither will these Redskins who aren't nearly that good. – Mike

Mitchellville, MD: Dear Guys: Is it just me, or is Fox over the top with the incessant replays of past hits played while the hitter is hitting or the game is otherwise in progress? It is really distracting and adds nothing to the coverage. While I'm on my baseball commentator riff, let me say that I really respect Joe Morgan, but he is a real pill when he picks apart every single pitch. Who cares? Of course, nobody but you two could equal or exceed Bob Costas. Please comment, unless all of you are in some sort of buddy league or some other male thing.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I like Joe Morgan whether he's with Costas or Jon Miller. I think the Fox thing with replays is generational. It's the same with football. You need a fly's eye to watch. At my age, I'm too old for all this action on the screen. – Tony

Let me just say that Joe Morgan is God. He's the Madden of baseball. But baseball telecasts are so overproduced, it makes me want to throw up. – Mike

Chicago, IL: Mike - are you a Cubs or White Sox fan?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I grew up a fan of both teams which really goes against the grain. But here is my circumstance: in segregated Chicago, black ballplayers – even if they were rich – lived in regular, everyday black neighborhoods. Guys like Banks, Williams, Fergie, Walt No-Neck, even Bill Melton who is white, were stars from both teams that lived in my neighborhood and helped with my Little League team, so I would never root against either team. – Mike

No Tell, Ala.: Who would you like to be trapped on a deserted island with – U.S. Women's Soccer's Brandi Chastain – with or without undergarments – or Mrs. Daniel Snyder? No fair picking the late Ms. Jack Kent Cooke, as she's already headed for an island – Rikers.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: What are they teaching you people in Alabama? – Tony

--- Laughter in The House. ---

I'll take a pass, unless Ashley Judd is one of the options. – Mike

mayguez, Puerto Rico: buenas tarde, miguel y antonio
Tony, I know you are a track and field fan, but how come interest in the sport has died so much in the last ten years? the only exception being during the Olympics. the rest of the world seems to catch on, but American sport fans couldn't pick out "Marion Jones" if she was standing next to Marion-mayor for life-Barry. and I don't think it's the "generation gap" thing because myself and my friends love the sport and we're in our early twenties. thanks, and you should both try to make it down here for beautiful golf and winter baseball.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: There are two reasons why this has happened to track and field, one of the greatest of all sports. One reason is that Americans and American TV LOVE league sports with standings and play-offs and recognizable numbers. The other reason is that track making the mistake that tennis is making right now tried to become a world wide sport and abandoned its American audience. – Tony

Screw the American audience. Track and field IS a worldwide sport. If American audiences are too limited to do anything besides be interested in the sports we invented, then to hell w/Americans. This is a worldwide marketplace. – Mike

That of course is idiotic. –Tony

Mostly the only sports we care about are: baseball, which we invented. Basketball which we invented. Football which we invented. We don't give a damn about anything else. How shallow. – Mike

What happened to golf, which Scotland invented? It's only the hottest sport in the country? – Tony

And on a good day, a REAL good day, the Ryder Cup, drew a 7 share. The worst Monday football game ever draws a 16. – Mike

Phoenix, Az.: Can there now be any doubt that letting Marvcus Patton go was a huge mistake? As the much-missed Scott Galbraith would have said – he was a "Viking." Tony – love your hair. The bad news is – I'm not Wendy Reiger.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: The bad news for you and me both. I loved Scott Galbraith and would rather have him back than Marvcus Patton, and I liked Marvcus.– Tony

Bethesda, Md.: I want to make a lot of money so I have a career question for both of you. How does one go about NOT becoming a sports journalist?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Is that like sarcasm? The first thing you should do is make your question clear. – Tony

Clinton, Md.: Mike and Tony, I have two questions. First how do you think Georgetown will do this year and with Big John no longer coaching do you think this will hurt recruiting?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: It has to hurt recruiting. John Thompson is a figure of nationwide importance and instant recognizability. He can close the deal with any recruit, but in recent years, he found recruiting more and more distasteful. I don't know how G-town will do without him, but again, in recent years, they were not a national championship contender. – Tony

I still believe, as Tony does, that Big John, could close the deal w/any recruit. The issue became how frequently was he opening the deal w/the kind of dominant players that could put a school in the Final 4. It's interesting that as one Catholic school sort of recedes, another one, could be on a serious ride, and I'm talking about DePaul, which appears to be loaded in every position this season. Liked in the late 70's and early 80's. – Mike

Los Angeles, Calif.: Wilbon,
You elitest bum!! You said last week a satellite dish is only $400? How about the $150 a season for the Sunday Ticket package? Not everyone can, or is willing, to shell out that kind of jack to catch the football game. You count yourself a man of the people? Yeah whatever!!!! I know Tony agrees.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Wilbon is a man of the people provided the people are VERY rich, and live in a gated community. – Tony

Like Tony's friends at Columbia Country Club. Here's how it works in America: if you don't want to spend the $150 to get Sunday tix, take what they give you over the local airwaves. – Mike

Bethesda: Have you seen the TV commercial that Brad Johnson does for a local car delivership? It reminds me of Joe Jacoby's fine work for Theatervision...

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: The Theatervision commercials are classics. They reveal that football players can read a script, line for line, up and down, following the teleprompter, with their eyes like sheep following a dog. – Tony

Frederick, Md.: I noticed that out of the hordes of people that beat you in the pick five contest each week, the grand prize is dinner with you during a Wizards game. Kinda reminds me of the short story "The Lottery" in which the whole town turns out for a festive lottery drawing in which the winner gets stoned by the remaining townfolks. Couldn't you at least make the dinner during a Caps game instead? Thank goodness I won a t-shirt.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Hey pal, you ought to be happy I'm picking these games. My record to date is about 3-91. So, everybody gets a prize. – Tony

McLean, VA: Fellows,

Two quick questions:

1. I can start Kordell or Jake the Snake this weekend on my fantasy team. Who is going to suck the least?

2. Now that the 'S' word has been said on network television, how long before we see the Post headline, "Skins Lace up #$-% Kickers, Jerry Jones Runs Crying to Mommy"?

Thank You,

Yam Wagon

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Start Jake. Wait. Wait. Wait. I believe Kordell is playing against the Bengals which means even though I think Jake will have a big game Sunday, Kordell has no choice but to pile up some big numbers. – Mike

These are two of the most disappointing quarterbacks in the league this year. And yet, they are both facing terrible defenses this week. If they don't have big games, this week, they're NEVER going to have big games. As for the cursing on network TV, I'm a prude, it makes me uncomfortable. – Tony

San Rafael, California: Is Mary, the babe, available for off-line chat sessions?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Do Tony and I, as PIMP DADDY's, get a fee?

Fredericksburg Va.: Mike

The MLS playoffs start tomorrow evening. Do you think D.C. United will regain the championship this year?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Two weeks ago I thought it was a lock. But, they got themselves in a situation where they were so far out front, they had nothing to play for for several weeks. And as a result, I don't know if they can turn it back on. But, they should still be the favorite. – Mike

Topeka, KS: Out here on the plains, we love the Chiefs and the Hokies. Should I make plans now for New Orleans? Will Marty Schottenheimer coach again?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Yes, of course make plans for New Orleans. – Tony

Marty? Not if we're lucky. – Mike

Excuse me, what exactly are you making plans for New Orleans for? For a Chat House?– Tony

Bethesda : Mike: Sorry, but today's column on Warrick was wrong.

As for why a felony was charged, see this week's Sports Illustrated: had they shoplifted, it would be a misdemeanor, but it rose to a felony because they involved the clerk in defrauding the store.

Your argument about entitlement rings false in this case because Warrick could have been a high draft pick last year but chose to return to school. Since he passed up a clear opportunity to be justly paid for his talents, the old line about the schools and coaches getting rich off the poor enslaved ath-uh-lete doesn't work.

And why is entitlement a defense against doing something stupid that any half-wit knows is completely wrong, no matter how much of a free ride they get elsewhere? It's not like the store manager offered them to help themselves, they were scamming with a clerk to get something for -almost- nothing without the store's approval

Please, save the sympathy for those who deserve it.

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: What is this? A goddamn treaty? Entitlement isn't an excuse and it doesn't have to do with your draft position. Entitlement is a sense that your stature in a particular community allows you to do whatever you want. Whether he came back to school or not, has NOTHING to do with anything. And, the amount of the transaction DOES help determine whether this was a misdemeanor or a felony. – Mike

As I disagreed with Wilbon over George McPhee, I disagree over Peter Warrick. He knew he was doing wrong. He was since said he knew he was doing wrong and anybody would have known this was wrong. It seems to me a one or two game suspension is perfectly reasonable. – Tony

I already said a two-game penalty was reasonable. But, I'm always fascinated to see who it is who determines what is "wrong." – Mike

Alexandria, Va.: What will it take to cure the Red Sox of the Curse

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Well, they could start wtih more than two good players. You take Garciaparra and Pedro Martinez off this team and it's a Triple A Team. – Tony

Miami FL: Hey Mike & Tony!

Love your columns and chat. Quick question: Why hasn't anyone singled out Dana Stubblefield as one of the 'Skins all-time biggest disappointments -right up there with Heath Shuler-? Is it my imagination, or does this multi-millionaire have absolutely zero impact during games?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: It is not your imagination. To this point, the guy has been a FAT load. – Tony

--- Laughter in The House. ---

I don't put him with Heath Shuler because Shuler never did anything on any level... –Mike

In the pros? – Tony

No, he was never any good at Tennessee.– Mike

Dana was the player of the year for a great team. There was no reason to think he would not be a player. But, he has not been. – Mike

That's the point. He came here for a HUGE amount of money with a legitimately realized reputation. And, he has done SQUA-DOOSH here. – Tony

Suggestion: maybe it's the coaching. – Mike

El Segundo, Calif.: Been reading your transcripts since you started the online stuff... it's nice to see two great and entertaining writers.

I'm flying to Phoenix on Saturday to see the Redskins – are either of you gonna be there? If the Skins win, will it be time to bust out the Bandwagon?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I am not going to be there. I will be in the bay working on the Bandwagon. But, it ain't comin' out... just yet. – Tony

I'm in Phoenix now: Tony undoubtedly will be playing golf with his struggling friends for free. – Mike

--- Laughter in The House. ---

Bethesda, MD: Wilbon seems like more of a sports geek, but Kornheiser seems more like an overall geek? True or false?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: It would certainly take an overall geek to spot that. – Tony

Takes one to know both. – Mike

Bethesda, MD: Michael: I have noticed there are two photos of your face on Washingtonpost.com. In one photo you are smiling. In the other photo you are scowling. What's the deal?

Tony: What's with that freakin' comb-over?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: My daughter asked me the same thing last night and said I should shave my head. I reminded her how much her private school costs. – Tony

Ain't no steppin' fetchit. Scowling is the way to go. – Mike

I expect Wilbon to come to the office next week and hold up a single black glove. – Tony

DC: Gentlemen:
In last week's ESPN magazine, Dan Snyder is quoted as saying that he believes that Norv is the coach who could take the Redskins to the next level. Does this mean that Norv is not in the do or die situation that he's been made out to be in?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I think that means that Norv is the coach who COULD do that. But, if the Redskins don't make the playoffs, I believe he will be replaced. By the way, Wilbon has left early... to pick up his Gucci luggage and his Lincoln Continental rent-a-car. – Tony

Arlington, VA: Hey Tony and Mike: Why wasn't Bondra's hat trick on Tuesday worth either of you writing about? Don't you want to conspire with the Caps to raise the sport's visibility in Washington?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: I wrote Monday and Tuesday. On Monday, I wrote about Darrien Chapman's hole in one which both Wilbon and I were present for. On Tuesday, I wrote an obituary for Wilt Chamberlain. When you write a column, you try and judge what will reach the most people. Hockey becomes a column less frequently than other sports and apparently it becomes an event attended less frequently than many sports. I should do more with hockey and so should Wilbon. And we will. Scout's honor. – Tony

Seabrook, Md.: Mr. Kornheiser,

A non-sports question, did your daughter get her driver's license?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Yes, she did. Thank you very much. Yesterday. Now, I have the terror of having to get her a car. – Tony

Olney, MD: Tony -
In your column on October 12 in which you described Darrien Chapman's hole in one, you left out one detail. Did Darrian adhere to tradition and buy everyone "beverages" at the 19th hole?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Yes, he did. Interestingly, I had water. Wilbon had a soda. And Todd had a soda. That was because of the long drive home. If we were at home, we would have soaked Darrien for incredibly expensive, imported beer. – Tony

College Park: Tony, I'm not the type to say I told you so, but looking through the NFL Preview edition of ESPN Magazine, you made a pretty brash statement: "The St. Louis Blues have a better shot at winning the Super Bowl than the St. Louis Rams." Care to revise? And Mike, how long do you think until crybaby Steve Francis starts whining about lack of P.T. in Houston?

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Clearly, I was an idiot when I said that about the Rams. The Rams are the surprise of the season so far. The truth is I thought Dick Vermeil was way over the hill. And, I'm actually glad to see how wrong I was. – Tony

Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Tony and Mike Picks for Week Six:

Indianapolis at NY Jets: Indianapolis
Seattle at San Diego: San Diego
Minnesota at Detroit: Minnesota
Miami at New England: wooh baby... New England... I shouldn't do that.
Washington at Arizona: Arizona

Indianapolis at NY Jets: Indianapolis
Seattle at San Diego: San Diego
Minnesota at Detroit: Minnesota
Miami at New England: Miami
Washington at Arizona: Washington

I have to go... now... get my luggage before it gets stolen. Now, I'm going to play golf with the people at a public course. WITH NO DISCOUNT AT THE REGISTER. –Mike

And I'm the x&&*%$#% queen of England. – Tony

See you next week in the Chat House. Until then, if you're out on your bike tonight, do wear white. – Tony

© Copyright 1999 The Washington Post Company

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