Danielle Souder, right, relaxes with her daughter, Mandy, and two pets. (By Rick Bowmer – The Washington Post)

By Danielle Souder
Saturday, October 17, 1998; Page B09

With my mother's family being Southern Baptist and my father's family Mennonites who became Lutherans, it's not surprising that my spiritual inclinations were strong. What is surprising is that I completely rejected modern Christianity – at the age of 12 – and decided not to be baptized.

It wasn't so much that most members of our church were hypocrites who did not walk the talk they espoused so fervently. Or that the prevailing attitude of the "Christians" I knew was: "I can do whatever I want, because I can repent later and God will forgive me." Or that my Sunday school classmates came back from religious retreats with tales of drinking and sex.

It was because our Baptist minister, during my pre-baptismal interview, told me my pets would not be in Heaven because the church had declared that animals have no souls.

Before this, I had enthusiastically participated in Sunday school lessons. I had repeatedly read the Bible and memorized the prescribed passages. I knew my Ten Commandments. I respected and honored the life that Jesus had led. But when the pastor asked me why I wanted to be baptized, I said so I "could go to Heaven and be with the pets I had lost." His response – that animals have no souls and cannot go to Heaven – caused me to reconsider other aspects of Christianity and to deeply search my soul.

I did not feel that because someone was not baptized, no matter how good a life that person led, God would consign him or her to eternal torment in Hell.

I did not feel that the only place to worship God was in a church, when the fields, forests and meadows were so much more beautiful and closer to the world he had given us.

I did not feel that it was okay to do wrong because I could repent later and God would forgive me.

For many years, I fancied myself an agnostic. Though life dealt me many bad hands, I continued to do what I felt was right, even though those who "knew better" said it would do no good as far as God was concerned.

In my mid-thirties I became acquainted with the New Age philosophies. Many conformed to my natural inclinations – I've had "mystical experiences" as far back as I can remember – and reawakened an interest in developing a more defined sense of spirituality. I finally had found philosophies and teachings that felt right, that supported the idea that Inner Knowing was guiding me.

I have opened my door to the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses. I have spent much time with representatives of these and other Christian-based religions. They were ignorant of religions outside of Christianity. They could only parrot what they had been indoctrinated with. I found none who could actually answer my questions without falling back on "that's what the Bible says."

I do not presume to define God, nor understand his desires for humanity. I also cannot agree with modern Christianity that Jesus is God, any more than any other being. I have found no one religion with all the answers, but I have found peace within myself by living a spiritual life based on honoring all the Supreme Being's creations, animate and inanimate.

My religion is Life. Not just my own physical being, but everything that is a part of life, from an ant or a grain of sand to the farthest galaxy. The closest I can come to a traditional definition of my religion would be to call it a form of shamanism. I don't go to a church to worship God. I try to honor "God" with every breath I take, with my every action.

I find comfort in pondering mythologist Joseph Campbell's statement, "It's the journey, not the destination." For my life, the answers come as I travel the road. I no longer need all the answers, but am content and grateful to receive them as I proceed on this journey.

Danielle Souder, 46, moved to Bethesda after getting married last Saturday in a backyard ceremony. Daughter Mandy, 20, and the family pets – a parakeet, two cats and a mouse – continue to live in an apartment in Beltsville.