By Eric L. Wee
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, May 6, 1998; Page D01

People change over time. Look at Ruth. Crow's feet spray from the corners of her eyes. Her face is wider. She's not the 130-pound, 5-foot-6 knockout who nicely filled out a bikini when she was 25. No, the woman sitting in the Pentagon City Mall food court tonight with her bad left knee propped up on a chair and wearing purple stretch pants is now 200 pounds. Her stomach hangs over her waistline. She is 55.

But Ruth Prudhon is happy with herself. She's comfortable with how she's changed. She's also fine with how her sex life has changed. When she and her husband were in their twenties, she says, they'd have sex five nights a week. Now, after 33 years of marriage, they might fool around on a Saturday night if they're not too tired. They may go three weeks with no sex. It's still enjoyable once "we get the motor on and it's going," Prudhon says, but they have a deep, loving, comfortable partnership without a lot of sex.

Then she started to hear about that little blue pill. No way to ignore it, with all the newspapers, magazines and talk shows screaming the same message: Viagra is here and the sex lives of older Americans will never be the same!

Initially, the big news was that an estimated 30 million impotent American men can now hope to lead normal sex lives because of the erection-supplying pill. But Viagra seems to have tapped another market: middle-aged men with flagging sexual energies who want to reexperience the bedroom vigor of their twenties. Men in their seventies are crowing about their new prowess.

All this gave Prudhon a bad feeling. She's worried that her husband, though he doesn't need Viagra, might find it irresistible. She and other women have already decided to say no to the wonder drug.

"Most women who are 55 are saying, 'Oh no, I was just getting to the point where I didn't have to worry about that,' " says Prudhon, a middle school principal from Jackson, Tenn., visiting Washington last week. "At 55 we've slowed down. I'm tired at the end of the day and want to go to bed. . . . The guys are thinking, 'I'm going to be 16 [sexually] until the day I die.' "

She concludes: "That pill is going to mess with me and give me trouble I don't need."

Undoubtedly, large numbers of women will greet their sexually recharged lovers with all smiles. But sex therapists and marriage counselors around the country are preparing for another group to flood their offices soon: Viagra refugees. Spouses who don't want the passion that comes with the pill, who were happy with sexually diminished marriages.

Maybe there hasn't been a Viagra divorce yet. But with doctors writing Viagra prescriptions at a rate of 215,000 per week, just give it time. Next on "Jerry Springer": MY HUSBAND LEFT ME FOR HIS VIAGRA TRAMP!

"It may bring about some problems, maybe some separations, certainly some counseling, certainly some arguments. The therapists are going to have a field day," says John Mulcahy, a urology professor at Indiana University Medical Center who led one of the clinical trials for Viagra. "I think we may be seeing some people coming out of the woodwork and saying, 'Hey, wait a minute. This is really disrupting our marriage. I was happy the way it was.' "

Experts say such women might have had previous psychological traumas associated with sex. Or their husbands may have been bad lovers who weren't concerned about their wives' needs. Or maybe they just got older and their sex drives took a nose dive. But now, suddenly, these women have to deal with prowling geriatric males packing heat.

Viagra was not developed as an aphrodisiac, but anecdotal evidence suggests that some non-impotent men view it as such. Pfizer, the company that produces the drug, emphasizes it is only for men with "erectile dysfunction." No one has done studies on how Viagra affects normal men. But several urologists said any man over 50 would likely get a boost from Viagra -- physically and psychologically.

The second phase of the Viagra clinical trials will confront the pill's impact on relationships. "As time goes on, we are going to start seeing some complex psychological things happening in the relationships of the patients being treated," says Myron Murdock, national medical director of the Impotence Institute of America, which ran the Viagra clinical trials in the Washington area. He foresees cases where impotent men will decide not to pop Viagra. "Sometimes, adding sex to [a relationship] adds a significant amount of anxiety and stress, which they frequently can't cope with," the urologist says.

Terry and Hilary Phillips, a pair of 51-year-old retirees in South Wales, are anti-Viagra. They're also anti-erection. Terry has been impotent for six years, the entire time the two have been together. They've created a Web site called "Affirming Male Impotence," where Terry writes: "It's time for more men to liberate themselves and say . . . 'I'm impotent -- and it's okay!' "

Actually, the pair said in an interview, they think their softer version of sex is better. Hilary calls conventional sex too aggressive and thinks an erection would unbalance a very equal partnership. Terry believes that impotence shouldn't be seen as a dysfunction. He argues that it's part of the "natural decline" for someone over 50. Taking Viagra is just buying into society's obsession with "penetration sex," he says.

The Phillipses say their love life is satisfying the way it is. So why change anything?

You don't have to travel far to find women who'll agree. This one is 57. She lives in Alexandria and works at a D.C. accounting firm. She's agreed to talk about the new pill with a stranger as she eats her lunch in a downtown food court. She won't give her name.

She's divorced but is seeing someone. They meet once a week to fool around. It's an agreed-upon frequency. No, she wouldn't want him turbocharging their sex life with Viagra. Her sex drive has been decreasing gradually over the past 15 years.

"I just don't think any increases in our activity level is something I'd be receptive to," she says. "I don't need any alterations at this time of my life."

Not everyone wants to be young again. The elderly couple in this Northern Virginia retirement home can tell you that. They cheerfully stop to talk Viagra but they've only got a few minutes. Otherwise, they may miss their 5:30 early bird dinner. No, they don't want their names used. Everyone in the building would be gossiping.

He's 87. She's 79. They've been married for 57 years. You ask when they last had sex.

He turns to her. She turns to him. They stare at each other.

"Geez, I don't know," she says under her breath.

"Ten years maybe," he says after some hard thinking.

"Maybe," she nods.

They explain how they gradually lost interest. Then she developed respiratory problems. And anyway, he doesn't think he could manage it physically anymore, even if he wanted to. They've both read about Viagra but don't want to go back to that huffing and puffing phase of their lives.

"Sex takes a great deal of energy. You do get to a point where that much energy is more than you're willing to expend," she says. "I don't want to be 20 again or 30, 40, 50 or 60. I've done that, been there. Let's move on."

Ruth Prudhon is more concerned with holding on. She wants to keep the kind of comfortable relationship she and her husband have developed. She hopes her husband won't want to take Viagra, but knows everyone will be saying he's a fool not to sip at this magic fountain of youth. All sorts of scenarios go through her mind. Sure, the drug company says it's not an aphrodisiac, but she knows men. If they feel they're more virile, they may act more virile. Desire and ability are linked.

What does that mean for her? If he takes Viagra, will she need to become someone more sexual? What if she doesn't? Will he stray?

"If he's 57 and feeling 16, and I'm 55 and look 55 and feel 55, is he going to think about [someone younger] to match his feelings?" she wonders. "If he feels like Mr. Stud, is he going to find someone that matches his sexual [ability]?"

She finishes the rest of her fast-food dinner and gets ready to herd the 60 students she's brought on this tour of Washington. It's her last night before heading home.

She mulls everything over. Chews it over as she takes her last few bites.

"It would be a huge problem. If he changes sexually, the expectations on me will change. That's the scary part."

It's time to go. She pulls herself to her feet, steadies herself on her bad knee and slowly limps away.