As her session on Aug. 20 came to an end, both the grand jurors and Lewinsky made emotional statements summing up their feelings about the case, with Lewinsky expressing regrets and hatred for Linda Tripp, and some of the jurors wishing her the best for the future and urging her to forgive Tripp and seek serenity.

THE WITNESS: I think what I wanted and expected were two different things. I had – I had been hurt when he referred to me as "that woman" in January, but I was also glad. I was glad that he made that statement and I felt that was the best thing for him to do, was to deny this. And – but I had been hurt. I mean, it showed me how angry he was with me and I understood that.

And his – the people who work for him have trashed me, they claim they haven't said anything about me, they have smeared me and they called me stupid, they said I couldn't write, they said I was a stalker, they said I wore inappropriate clothes, I mean, you all know.

I mean, you've heard them in here, you've read the papers, you've seen on TV, and yet – and then when it came out about the talking points, then somehow no one ever asked the question, well, how could – if she was so stupid and she couldn't write, how is it possible that she wrote the talking points? So then it was, well, someone must have helped her with that. Oh, it's okay, though, it wasn't someone in the White House.

So I just – my family had been maligned because of a lot of their tactics and I felt that – I had wanted him to say that I was a nice, decent person and that he was sorry that this had happened because I – I tried to do as much as I could to protect him.

I mean, I didn't – I didn't – I didn't allow him to be put on tape that night and I didn't – and I – I felt that I waited, you know, and I would have gone to trial had – had – in my mind, had there never been a point where the Office of the Independent Counsel and myself could come to – they could come to accept the truth I had to say, that that was the truth I had to give, and I'm only 24 and so I felt that I – this has been hard for me and this has been hard on my family and I just wanted him to take back – by saying something nice, he would have taken back every disgusting, horrible thing that anyone has said about me from that White House. And that was what I wanted.

What I expected him to do was to just acknowledge in his – either in his apology – you know, that first of all I think he should have straight out apologized and I think that he could have acknowledged that – you know, apologized to me, I think, to the other people who were involved in this and to may family.

My – my dad didn't know anything about the relationship and when he went on his – the few interviews he did, he was telling the truth when he said he didn't know. But out of respect for the president and the presidency, he didn't say – he could have easily said if this is true; X, Y and Z about the president, and I think that because my family didn't start a huge uproar about how wrong or improper or inappropriate it was for a 50-year-old man to be having a relationship with a young woman, we afforded him that, that was one less headache that he had to deal with, and I think he could have acknowledged that. That was what I expected. Does that –

A JUROR: Monica, none of us in this room are perfect. We all fall and we fall several times a day. The only difference between my age and when I was your age is now I get up faster. If I make a mistake and fall, I get up and brush myself off. I used to stay there a while after a mistake. That's all I have to say.

THE WITNESS: Thank you....

On August 26, Lewinsky used the relative privacy of a deposition with Starr's attorneys to provide detailed testimony about her relationship with Clinton. Following are excerpts from that deposition:

Q. Did you perform oral sex while he was on the telephone?

A. Yes. It was, it was – I think I'll just say, because for – there are a lot of people that could interpret that as being sort of a, that being done in a servicing sort of manner, and it was more done in kind of an exciting sort of – I don't want to say erotic, but in a way that there was kind of this titillating like a secret, in a sense, in the same way that sometimes an affair is, that, you know, when you are doing this and obviously there is kind of the irony that the person on the other line has no idea what's going on.

So, I just wanted to clarify that.

Q. Okay. Although on that occasion, I believe you previously mentioned that that was the first time that you felt a little funny about it?

A. I, I did. I did. I, I, I, I was, I was pretty emotionally devastated at that point, and the prospect of going to the Pentagon was very upsetting to me. And there were moments when I felt a little uncomfortable, and moments when I didn't.

Q. Although you mentioned that there were other times that he was on the phone, that you didn't think sort of anything bad about it –

A. Right.

Q. – and on this occasion, you felt more like –

A. I just –

Q. – you were servicing –

A. Exactly.

Q. – on some level. And did you tell Linda Tripp about that, do you remember?

A. Probably.

Q. How did that encounter end, if you remember? And actually you've already testified a little bit about this. So, just if you could quickly summarize how you finished the encounter and what happened?

A. We were in the back office and I heard Mr. Ickes call, say, Mr. President, from the Oval Office. And we both were startled and looked at each other, and he jetted into the Oval....

Q. What about the fact that you had gone quietly and not revealed your relationship? Did that have anything to do with your feeling that you were entitled to something?

A. It did later on. I, I would have gone quietly anyway, because that – it was never, ever, ever my intention for this relationship to ever become public. And – but I had felt that after having left quietly, after having been sort of maybe strung along throughout the campaign and then even way into 1997, that I had felt – and his promising me that he'd bring me back and constantly enumerating the different steps he was trying to take to do that – that, yes, I did feel at that point he, he certainly owed me.

Q. Is that part of your letter of July 3rd to the President in 1997, where you described it previously as threatening to disclose the relationship, at least to your parents, was that part of your feeling that –

A. It was never really a, a, maybe a – it was never really a threat, because I never really was going to do that. While I had disclosed a portion of the relationship to my mom, I never had any intention of telling my dad. There's no way of that.

And what I really was trying to do was trying to, in a circuitous manner, remind him that I had been a good girl, and that I hadn't, you know, disclosed this information, and that really, you know, he'd promised me he was going to do something. And I had told my parents, I had told my dad that I was coming back after the election....

Q. One last question from me. Do you, for any reason now, want to hurt the President?

A. No, I'm, I'm upset with him right now, but I, no, that's the last thing in the world I want to do.

Compiled by staff writers Lorraine Adams and Liz Spayd.