We’ll have what the celebrities are having

SIMPLEST RECIPE Toast Triangles, Page 17. “Lightly spread the butter on one side of each slice of bread. Lightly sprinkle with garlic or onion powder, paprika, and salt, if using. Cut each slice into 4 triangles and place on a cookie sheet. Bake until lightly brown and crisp, 15 to 20 minutes. Cool and serve.”

MOST RIDICULOUS RECIPE “Tie between Ceviche (Page 30; “In the beach towns of Mexico . . . people happily eat raw fish and shellfish. I, however, do not.”) and Turkey Shepherd's Pie (Page 97; “The key to great shepherd's pie is the ketchup”).

INGREDIENT SHE DEMONIZES Trans fats and conventionally grown fruits and vegetables.

SAMPLE TIP “Try to flip flour and corn tortillas . . . only once.”

CELEBRITY WATCH Her business partner in the restaurant Beso, celebrity chef Todd English, merits only a mention or two. Longoria has expunged from the uncorrected proof all references to former husband Tony Parker, star guard for the San Antonio Spurs, after the couple divorced this year due to Parker's alleged infidelities. “Desperate Housewives” co-star Teri Hatcher contributes a banana bread recipe. Former supermodel Cindy Crawford introduced Longoria to strawberries and rhubarb.

VANITY MOMENT “I cannot count the number of times that I've found myself in a Gucci dress and heels — with full hair and makeup, about to run out to an event — pulling a roasted chicken out of the oven in order to make sure that my family is fed before leaving the house to face a hundred photographers on a red carpet.”

SIMPLEST RECIPE Plum Ketchup, Page 103. “Stir the ketchup and jam together.”

MOST RIDICULOUS RECIPE Wood Oven Pizzas, Page 174. “We've got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden — a luxury, I know, but it's one of the best investments I've ever made.”

INGREDIENT SHE DEMONIZES Pork and beef.

SAMPLE TIP “Regular mayo is fine and works, but Vegenaise is a healthier alternative.”

CELEBRITY WATCH Chef Mario Batali writes the foreword, actor Leonardo DiCaprio offers dietary advice, mom Blythe Danner makes numerous cameos and, of course, the cookbook is named in honor of the late Bruce Paltrow, Gwyneth's producer-writer father. She also suggests buying the Jamie Oliver Flavour Shaker and drops references to his pastamaker and his duck ragu recipe.

VANITY MOMENT “I fell in love with tortilla soup (and all things Tex-Mex) when I was doing a movie called 'Flesh and Bone' in Austin, Texas, in 1992. (I was nineteen.)”

SIMPLEST RECIPE Roasted Asparagus Alla Parmigiana, Page 131. “Spread the asparagus in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with the oil. Roll the asparagus in the oil to coat. Season with salt and pepper. Roast, turning the asparagus after 5 minutes, until the asparagus is crisp-tender, about 10 minutes. . . .”

MOST RIDICULOUS RECIPE Audriana's Creamy Polenta, Page 47, allegedly the favorite dish of Giudice's 1-year-old daughter. The headnote is ostensibly written by the author's 6-year-old daughter: “Hi, it's me, Gabriella.”

INGREDIENT SHE DEMONIZES Vegetable oil. (Giudice uses only olive oil.)

SAMPLE TIP “If I can teach you nothing else in this entire book, learn this: Flirt with your butcher!”

CELEBRITY WATCH Food personality and cookbook author Rachael Ray is mentioned, and Giudice drops Sophia Loren's name (“one of my personal heroes”). There are the expected “Real Housewives” plugs, plus a mention of Andy Cohen, a Bravo TV executive vice president. Hold. Us. Back.

VANITY MOMENT “As so many of you have written me and attested — I already knew this because I have four kids and don't work out — if you eat home-cooked, fresh, authentic Italian food, you can have your pasta and your skinny jeans, too.”

SIMPLEST RECIPE Chuck's Creme Fraiche, Page 153. “In a glass bowl, stir the cream with the buttermilk. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let it sit at room temperature for 18 to 24 hours, or until thickened.”

MOST RIDICULOUS RECIPE Lemon-Vanilla Panna Cotta with Basil-Apricot Compote, Page 122. This Italian “cooked cream” is made with lemon soy yogurt.

INGREDIENT SHE DEMONIZES Conventionally grown fruits and vegetables.

SAMPLE TIP From nutritionist Rachel S. Beller: “Extra-virgin olive oil isn't the best choice for high-heat cooking.” (Teresa Giudice, are you reading this?)

CELEBRITY WATCH Does Jack Daniel's count? Because other than the name of that Tennessee whiskey, there's nary a celebrity in sight. Aside from the author, of course.

VANITY MOMENT When was the last time a cookbook author admitted to “not being a great cook at home”?

SIMPLEST RECIPE Basic Rice, Page 233. Wash rice. Soak rice. Put rice in pot, add water and salt. Boil on high heat, cover. Turn the heat down. Simmer for 50 minutes, remove and let rice sit. “Serve warm.”

MOST RIDICULOUS RECIPE Alicia's Sexy Inspired Salad, Page 174. A mixed-greens salad that calls for truffle oil, “which, though a bit expensive, is used so sparingly it lasts forever and is really worth the cost.” Except for one problem: Truffle oil has a shelf life of three to six months.

INGREDIENT SHE DEMONIZES Everything that comes from an animal, plus white sugar and processed foods.

SAMPLE TIP “Wrapping leftovers in nori is perfect for eating on the fly or on a roadtrip.”

CELEBRITY WATCH Sir Paul McCartney, who wrote the preface. Other name-dropping: actors Kathleen Turner, Jason Biggs, Woody Harrelson (canoeing naked down the Amazon!) and a small army of vegetarians and purported vegetarians, dead and alive, including Ovid, Voltaire, Leo Tolstoy, Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, John Lennon, Kate Moss, Natalie Portman, Bruce Lee and Carl Lewis.

VANITY MOMENT “By following the Kind Diet, you will lose weight easily, your skin will absolutely glow, you will have tons of energy, and you will become more sensitive to all the important things in life — like love, nature, and your deepest, truest self.”