<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1" ?><rss version="2.0"><channel><title>washingtonpost.com - Below the Beltway</title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/style/columns/belowthebeltway?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><description>Below the Beltway</description><language>en-us</language><ttl>15</ttl><image><title>washingtonpost.com</title><width>140</width><height>20</height><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com</link><url>http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/hp/image/wp_web.gif</url></image><item><title><![CDATA[Weingarten, Unplugged]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A6168-2005Apr20.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A6168-2005Apr20.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[I, Gene Norman Weingarten, being of sound mind and body, hereby declare and depose that, should I ever become so incapacitated by illness or injury that I can no longer communicate my preferences for medical care, it is my express wish that no extraordinary measures be used to keep me alive. Particularly in any of the following circumstances:]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Suit Yourself]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48235-2005Apr12.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48235-2005Apr12.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Everyone has his personal heroes, and I just found me a new one. When I read about what he had allegedly done, I called him at his law office in Alton, Ill., to inform him that I worship him.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Hi, Finance!]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A28677-2005Apr6.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A28677-2005Apr6.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[From time to time I get mail accusing me of being shallow and/or juvenile. Well, my detractors may be surprised to know that, like other well-rounded, sophisticated adults, I read the financial news. Not long ago, I saw an item that intrigued me: "Shares of Sara Lee Corp. rose after the maker of Hanes underwear and Jimmy Dean sausages replaced its chief executive and said it will spin off its clothing business and sell other slower-growing units . . ."]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Dog Gone]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11199-2005Mar29.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11199-2005Mar29.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[This is a true story about the recent misadventures of Wendy, a liquor store dog. "Liquor store dog" is not an AKC recognized breed; Wendy hangs out all day at Hayden's, my neighborhood liquor store. She belongs to Tom, the store manager.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Correspondence Coarse]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A58660-2005Mar22.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A58660-2005Mar22.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[To write a sneaky letter,<br>I find that verse is better.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[DreamWorks This Ain't]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A38204-2005Mar15.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A38204-2005Mar15.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[One night recently I sat at my computer, unable to get started on an article I was writing about the economic viability of the Russian space program. So I decided to visit a mall. On the escalator, I was standing behind a woman who was talking sternly to a little girl, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I decided to purchase laundry detergent. But I went into a shoe store instead, and the salesman told me the store did not carry detergent. I realized I was in Denver, though I wasn't sure why. I went outside. It began to rain, but not very hard, just an inconsequential drizzle.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Hall of Lame]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A17917-2005Mar8.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A17917-2005Mar8.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[I've just finished reading a new book, a compendium of sports-themed cartoons produced by Charles M. Schulz in the late 1950s. At the time, Schulz was also creating "Peanuts," considered by many to be the greatest comic strip ever. His book of sports cartoons -- titled It's Only a Game -- is fascinating because the characters physically resemble grown-up versions of Lucy and Linus and Schroeder and Charlie Brown. It is also fascinating because, as a creative work, it is totally, hugely, gigantically, humongously . . . bad.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Rhesus Pieces]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A64003-2005Mar1.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A64003-2005Mar1.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Even though they are its primary consumers, men believe that pornography is a terrible, awful, sad, sick problem facing America. This is the official position the enlightened male must take if he ever wants to have actual sex (with an actual woman) again.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Oh, Rats]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A45892-2005Feb23.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A45892-2005Feb23.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[I awoke one day recently to discover that a large box of Animal Crackers had migrated overnight from a pantry through the dining room and onto the kitchen floor, where it had been gnawed open and consumed. Instantly, my wife diagnosed the problem: A team of three or four industrious mice, standing erect like kangaroos and operating together in perfect synchrony, must have carried the box -- daintily, by its string -- a distance of 20 feet. Then, summoning friends and colleagues, they enjoyed a hearty and nutritious Animal Cracker banquet. My wife was a little disturbed to learn that we had mice, but, gosharootie, that's life!]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Take My Column, Please]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A27103-2005Feb15.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A27103-2005Feb15.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[DEAR PRESIDENT BUSH: <br>When I read that your administration has been secretly giving money to columnists to write complimentary things about your agenda, I was outraged. You never offered me a cent!]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Extra! Extra!]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A8974-2005Feb8.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A8974-2005Feb8.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[A fast-food restaurant chain in the rural South is being sued by a waitress who claims she was unjustly fired her very first day on the job. The company is aggressively defending the suit, on the grounds of misrepresentation:]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Whee the People]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A55085-2005Feb1.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A55085-2005Feb1.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[I am standing in the rotunda of the National Archives,]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Dial M for Mischief]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A36342-2005Jan25.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A36342-2005Jan25.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[As I see it, if God didn't want me to harass customer service reps, He wouldn't have put those toll-free numbers for "comments or questions" on product packages.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Feminine Mistake]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A27071-2005Jan21.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A27071-2005Jan21.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Some of America's most accomplished literary figures were present at the recent national book fair in Miami. But the longest line of people I witnessed was there to obtain the autograph of a highly distinguished, world-renowned, fabulously successful quack.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[I Swear I'm Not Making This Up, Either]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A1885-2005Jan11.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A1885-2005Jan11.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[WHEN DAVE BARRY announced that he would be suspending his syndicated column for at least a year, it created a humor vacancy at hundreds of newspapers around the country. This has led to a feeding frenzy in which every two-bit humor writer is angling for a piece of Dave's action.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Have Gunk Will Travel]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A35007-2004Dec29.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A35007-2004Dec29.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[In my racket, you see all types. Jokers. Wiseguys. Goofballs. But the guy I've been looking for is one of a kind. This clown has me rattled. And I don't rattle easy, not with the sick stuff I see every day in my line of work.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[A Head of His Time]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A17686-2004Dec21.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A17686-2004Dec21.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Hundreds of art experts decided in a recent poll that the single most influential work of the 20th century was . . . a urinal. Specifically it was the urinal that French artist Marcel Duchamp submitted to an art exhibition in 1917. It proved to be the <em>pees de resistance.</em>]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Stop! I Can't Stanza It]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A214-2004Dec14.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A214-2004Dec14.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Hallmark's rhymes don't keep up with the times<br> Even in greeting-card seasons.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Life at the Post-Tattler]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A44756-2004Dec7.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A44756-2004Dec7.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[Has your company made you take a computer course in business integrity? If not, it probably will. It is mandated for many companies by a new federal law called the "Sarbanes-Oxley Act," which arose in response to recent financial scandals. The theory behind the Sarbanes-Oxley Act appears to be that because CEOs are crooked, you need ethics lessons.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item><item><title><![CDATA[Scared Straight]]></title><link>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A22961-2004Nov30.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A22961-2004Nov30.html?nav=rss_style/columns/belowthebeltway</guid><pubDate>Sun, 24 Apr 2005 7:49:51 GMT</pubDate><description><![CDATA[During a recent online chat, I mentioned that I shave using a badger-bristle brush and a mug of soap. The point I was trying to make is that I am a Real Man. Unfortunately, within minutes I received an e-mail from a guy congratulating me on my masculinity and dryly inquiring whether I also used a straight razor, as he did.]]></description><author> Gene Weingarten</author></item></channel></rss>