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The Navigator: Getting Cereals
By Linton Weeks Washington Post Staff Writer Thursday, July 9, 1998
Standing on the Kellogg's opening page, of course, is Tony the Tiger. Oh grrrreat. He invites you into his home in Cereal City, USA. (And you thought he lived in Battle Creek.) As an online community, Cereal City won't exactly bowl you over. It's as silly and soulless as, well, as Frosted Flakes. This conflicted site doesn't know if it's for professionals or preschoolers. For the grown-ups, there's a "newspaper" trumpeting Kellogg's intentions "to challenge the notion of the 'ideal' woman so that women everywhere can accept the bodies they have." However, if you click onto the souvenir clothingthe ladies golf shirt and Snap! Crackle! Pop! pulloversold in the Kellogg's store, you'll discover the usual slim and attractive humannequins. There's also a cookbook. But try as he might to be nutritionally correct, Tony just can't change his stripes. This is drive-thru cuisine. Here's a meal concocted from the site's offerings: Sweet potato stick appetizers wrapped in Rice Krispies, corn flake enchiladas, zucchini carrot bars made with Raisin Bran and for dessert, cherry almond cookies made from low-fat granola. For kids, there's a Clubhouse where they can play games and send e-cards to friends. In a section called Nutrition Camp, they can ask the Kellogg rooster, Cornelius, about proteins and carbohydrates. Asked if pre-sweetened breakfast cereals contain too much sugar, the wise bird essentially crows, Heavens no! He doesn't say a word about teeth falling out. The Quaker Oats site is a little easier to digest. The company toots its own horn in Live Well, Be Well, an online monthly magazine. The July issue shoots down nine myths about women's health, including this one: "Women should be more concerned about breast cancer than heart disease." According to the site, "a woman is eight times more likely to die of cardiovascular disease than of breast cancer. "Other cereal companies such as General Mills (Cheerios) and Kraft Foods, which makes Nabisco Shredded Wheat and Post Grape-Nuts, have uninspired sites. But true cereal worshippers have created homages to their favorite brands. The Lucky Charms Test, for instance, draws risque parallels between your love life and your preference of marshmallow shapespink hearts, orange stars, etc. Then there are the cereal killers. They have feelings, too. They hate the cold stuff. At one site You Can Peek Into the Mind of a Cereal Killer. That would be Jay Russell who works in a pet store in Springfield, Mo. "I find cereal to be a waste of time," Russell wrote in an e-mail. He's also concerned about "all the negative things our children can learn from cereal commercialslike Fruity Pebbles," which teaches "if you want something the only way you can get it is to lie, cheat or steal. Now does our society really need people like that?" And Russell's morning choice? Little Debbie Nutty Bars. Linton Weeks can be reached at weeksl@washpost.com
Have a Mooooving Experience...
You Could Get Hooked on This One Found something intriguing, improbable, insane or especially useful on the Net? Write it up and send it to Joel Garreau or Robert Thomason. |
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