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From the CBS Well, Erasable 'Ink'

Such a pity about "Ink." The CBS sitcom was scheduled to premiere in September with most of the other new fall shows, but the pilot was so wretched and dreadful that the launch was scrubbed. The first four episodes, already produced, were thrown into the trash.

CBS started over and brought in the smart and stylish Diane English, who created "Murphy Brown," to redo the show. The result, which might be (but isn't) called "Ink II," airs tonight at 8:30 on Channel 9. It's polished, plucky and professional -- and stunningly devoid of interest.

The situation in the situation comedy has basically remained the same: Ted Danson plays Mike Logan, cocky columnist for the New York Sun, who is aghast to discover that ex-wife Kate Montgomery, played by Mary Steenburgen, has been named managing editor of the paper. Steenburgen and Danson are husband and wife in real life and executive producers of the series.

One of the biggest problems with the original pilot was that any sparks set off by the two stars were strictly soggy. Danson was twittery and Steenburgen dithery. They bickered and bantered and said "hey hey hey hey hey" to one another and got on everybody's nerves.

Little about them has been improved for the new version. Danson is still hyperkinetic, bobbing around as if he were trying to duck punches, and his previous balding look has been replaced by a new hairpiece, the subject of a few inside japes. In his very first shot, part of the opening credits, he emerges from a subway station grinning like a wide-eyed rube; this is a hardened veteran journalist?

Danson is supposed to be a babe magnet as he was on "Cheers," which some viewers will find baffling. He looks like Frankenstein's monster after a semi-successful makeover.

Steenburgen is dressed in all her scenes but always seems naked. She's so pale and vulnerable, she could be playing the Invisible Woman. You half expect her to walk through walls.

The supporting players are better than in the first pilot but still come off as random samplings from Ye Olde Sitcom Bag O' Tricks. The most aggressive and splenetic of these is Christine Ebersole as Belinda Carhardt, tart-tongued and self-absorbed society columnist. Ebersole is an appealing performer and tries hard here, but the character is just one more variation on the gals of "Absolutely Fabulous," a show that's already been imitated by CBS's "Cybill" and Fox's recently departed "Lush Life," among others.

A reference to Belinda having a hangover "that would take down Kitty Dukakis" seems cruel and tasteless.

Among the more clever moments is a scene filmed on a back-lot street in which Abby, the teenage daughter of Kate and Mike, confesses to her father that she thinks she may be a Republican, a spoof on scenes in which characters announce they're gay. Earlier, when Kate says she wants to look over Mike's column, he announces, "No one looks over my column. I write it, you print it," and this conflict is what passes for the opening-night plot.

She eventually edits the column from a page proof, which isn't very common in daily journalism. Steenburgen's big moment is supposed to be a long monologue on the phone to the "Metrobomber," who wants the paper to print his manifesto. Instead of this tirade making Kate seem funny, it makes her appear superficial and irresponsible.

The dialogue is full of lines that seem to have a double meaning considering the troubled history of the show -- Steenburgen saying, "I really want this to work," or Danson saying to her, "You know we can't work together." It all ends up in a bar that looks little like the bar Danson tended in "Cheers" but quite a lot like the bar from "Love & War," a Diane English show of a couple seasons back.

Industry sources have pointed out that three or four new shows could have been developed with the money CBS has lavished on "Ink." To secure Danson's services, the network gave the show a 22-week commitment, which suggests that there may be plenty more retooling before anybody thinks about throwing in the towel.

Maybe they should try a totally different premise: A so-so sitcom actor and a wispy twit of an actress, married in real life, attempt to do a TV series together and fall flat on their faces.