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'Moloney'

We all know what "Moloney" rhymes with, don't we? And not for nothing, either. The overwrought new CBS drama series, premiering at 9 tonight on Channel 9, stars oh-so-serious Peter Strauss as a psychiatrist working for the police department and trying to solve all the great problems of the human race -- one at a time, of course.

Strauss seems to love embodying All That's Good and Virtuous in the Universe, but Moloney really is just too insufferably heavy-hearted to abide. It's a wonder he can even lug that old heart of his around from room to room. He oozes sensitivity and aches with angst. By all means, let's not invite him to our next cocktail party.

In the premiere, Willie Wet-Blanket stalks a cop who threw a drug dealer off a roof but is letting another drug dealer take the rap. Didn't something like this happen in the movie "Fort Apache, the Bronx"? Anyway, Strauss hounds and dogs and hound-dogs the cop until finally he blurts out a confession. That's really not enough to fill up an hour, and it doesn't.

Cloying sessions with Moloney and daughter Katie (Ashley Johnson) don't help much, but they do bring out a hint of humanity in Strauss.

"I'm building a bridge, Doc," says the misbehaving cop with his little boy standing at his side. "Until you're honest with him, it's a bridge going nowhere," lectures Moloney. Oh give us a break! "Moloney" is a phony. Yeah, it rhymes with that, too.