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'Public Morals': Rank and Vile Cops

"Public Morals" was probably better when it was dirty. At least it had some raw energy then.

The new CBS sitcom from producers Steven Bochco and Jay Tarses, premiering tonight at 9:30 on Channel 9, began life as a raunchy pilot with plenty of rough language. To placate weak-kneed CBS affiliates (probably the weakest-kneed in all of broadcasting), network executives ordered the show revamped and toned down. It's been toned down to approximately zero, at least in terms of viewer interest.

Worse, some of the racy references have been replaced by racist references. It's hard to believe that in 1996 a writer would find it funny or even acceptable to have a character ridicule an Asian man's accent. But in the premiere, Lt. Neil Fogarty (unbearably shrieky Peter Gerety) says he "can't understand a word" that an unseen Capt. Chung is saying on the other end of the phone because he confuses l's and r's.

Later, an African American officer named, ha ha, "Shag" Ruggs (played by Joseph Latimore) complains, "My problem's with my equipment" and a saucy female cop (Julianne Christie) says, "That's rare for your people." Your people? Good grief. This is really inexcusable.

But "inexcusable" sort of sums up the whole show, or what's left of it. Set in the public-morals division of the New York Police Department, the program can't seem to decide whether it's a workplace comedy, a topical comedy, a romantic comedy (as next week's episode is) or just a show about a bunch of lazy, grating loudmouths. The peevish and abrasive men and women of the unit are not fit company for one another or for a television audience.

The cast has possibilities that tonight's script, by Tarses, largely ignores. Donal Logue, who's pretty darn funny as that gabby cabbie in those little MTV vignettes, is saddled here with a character so cretinous and boorish that there's really no way to make him palatable.

Latimore does an admirable job of salvaging dignity as the button-downed, Brooks-Brotherly Ruggs, Lawrence Romano has a certain pale charm as the simple-minded Richie, and Jana Marie Hupp brings needed warmth in the role of Val. But they can do only so much with the material available. Not even the Royal Shakespeare Company could pull much of this show's fat out of the fire.

There's a gay guy in the group, too. Bill Brochtrup plays John, the same male-secretary role he had on Bochco's "NYPD Blue" and essentially the politically correct TV gay-guy stereotype: asexual and effeminate, and "accepted" by tolerant heterosexual peers. He uses lots of French words and brings the lieutenant Swiss Miss hot chocolate, leading the lieutenant to the mistaken impression that John wants to be referred to as Swiss Miss himself.

Finally there's Justin Louis as Mickey, who carries a torch for Val. Their cat-and-mouse game next week at least has a tinge of poignancy to it. CBS publicity describes Louis and the character he plays as "movie-star handsome"; that ought to come as a shock to almost anybody who tunes in.

It appears that with the belated arrival of "Public Morals," all the new fall network shows have now finally premiered. And what a disreputable lot they are. A couple have already been canceled, of course, and there are plenty of freshman candidates for euthanasia littering the prime-time playing field. "Public Morals" does not look like a keeper.

On next week's episode, Christie says of her affair with a misbehaving boyfriend, "This relationship has been in the toilet for months, and now it's time to flush." That pretty well sums up the spirit and, most likely, the fate of "Public Morals."