Dungarees -- n. Diplomas conferred by colleges for the study of spoor.
Sisyphean -- adj. Describes an intellectually difficult argument propounded by a smart but effete pundit like Michael Kinsley.
Pontoon -- n. A newspaper caricature of the pope.
Spatula -- n. A tiff among vampires.
Blunderbuss -- n. An attempted kiss between two blind people.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 266, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: email@example.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, April 27. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Abrv No One Ntcs was written by Russ Beland of Springfield. Employees of the Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 263,
Good entries too popular to reward with prizes: Automobiles named the Lincoln Incontinental, the Chevy Recall, the Honda Accordion and the Ford Tsuris. Deodorants named "Gee, Your Pits Smell Terrific!" and Acrid Extra-Dry. Battleships named the USS Lowest Bidder, the USS Mahatma Gandhi and the USS Lewinsky, the last for reasons that can only be surmised. Finally, several readers sternly lectured us about an error that tragically crept into Bob Staake's drawing of the battleship the Sitting Duck: The vessel, as drawn, was not in fact a battleship but an aircraft carrier. A few letter writers even informed us what "class" carrier it was, when it was likely commissioned and what its deck-load capacity would be. To these readers, we apologize for the error. It will not happen again. Please report back to militia headquarters at 0900 hours for your medication.
Fifth Runner-Up -- Bad Name for new software product:
Fourth Runner-Up -- Bad name for a new breed of dog:
Third Runner up -- Bad name for a new city:
Second Runner up -- Bad name for a new software product:
First Runner-Up -- Bad name for a new city:
Bad name for a new deodorant:
Menses for Men
Arrid Extra Gooey
Grandma's Old Fashioned Home-Style Chunky Antiperspirant
"I Can't Believe It's Not Halibut!"
The Pontiac Popemobile
Cadillac Mob Coffin
Plymouth I-Think-I-Can I-Think-I-Can
Land Mine Retriever
Mincing Little Rat Bastard Pomeranian From Hell
Ronald Reagan Washington National City
Receding Shores, Calif.
The Projects, N.J.
Witness Protection Corners, Ind.
King of Rwanda, Pa.
The USS I'm With Stupid
USS Tickle Me Elmo
USS Pride of Baghdad
USS C'mon, Let's Talk About It.
USS Cost Overrun
USS Cutie Pie
Old Fiberglass Sides
The USS Screen Door
Microsoft or Else!
Java Screen Freezer
Desktop Pornographer for Kids!
The High School SAT Preperation Kit
Insufficient Memory to Run Me 98
Precision Pi Calculator
Ted Kaczynski's Mailbox Plus
Next Week: Ask Backward
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